Twilights a Bitch

>"Anonymous the Human!"
"Yo!"
>"We have come to seize your land, whether it be peacefully or not remains completely up to you."
>Sitting there in your custom made la-z-boy recliner with two, that's right count 'em TWO cup holders you sigh.
"We've been over this book horse, you may have taken over Equestria."
"Hell you may have seized all the known lands and enslaved all the races here."
"You sure as hell turned into a gigantic bitch though."
>Aww purple horse is getting red it the face, she must be mad.
>Grabbing a beer you took a big gulp.
>"Stop calling me a female dog this instant."
"Nah."
>Giving these speeches made your throat dry.
"Besides this be Anonland, and if you little horses come on it, I will be forced to defend it."
>Setting your nudie magazine and beer down, you stood up and held up the rolled up newspaper.
"This is my whacking paper, any of you fuckers come on my land just you wait."
>Last two guard that tried to evict you under queen Twalot's orders got a whacking right on the nose.
>And after escaping without getting their rumps paddled you'd say it was a decisive victory against the invaders.
"So my answer is still no, unless you want to try it yourself?"
>The manic grin on your face must have really unsettled her though.
"Because I don't give a shit if you're a queenie, you cross the line, that's a paddlin'."
>And just like yesterday, and the day before that the queen and her minions retreated.
>It will be a cold day in hell before you let some three foot tall ponies walk all over you.
>Now back to official Anonland business, beer and being lazy.
>Yet since this whole thing was over, maybe you should get something to eat.
>Judging by the suns position in the sky it was probably lunch time.
>Time for some fucking pizza, and beer.
>definitely more beer.

---

>No one really knows what the hell happened to Twiggle Sticks.
>One day she was her regular old spastic self, the next she was hellbent on seizing all control.
>Not that you fucking cared really.
>The two big flanks in the palace tried stopping her.
>It didn't work.
>Now both of them were still in positions of power, but answered to Grape Twizzler.
>So all in all besides the whole manic dictatorship thing everything else was the same.
>Well except the roaming squads of guards that arrested anyone speaking ill of said royal bitchiness.
>All in all things were simpler now.
>And for whatever reason you cannot fathom they still sent you money every month.
>You sure weren't going to bring up that fact, because well free money.
>So here you are in your kitchen munching on some leftover pizza.
>Anchovies, onions, peppers, and olives.
>Fuck yeah.
>Nothing beats a good pizza.
>Well you would have been enjoying the deliciousness of your pizza if not for the tell-tale noise of someone sneaking around outside.
>These ponies were no spies.
>How could you tell.
>Well besides the rustling of your garbage cans and the 'Ouchies!' coming from outside were a pretty good tip-off.
>Oh well, with any luck they would find the traps.
>SNAP!
>Wait for it...
"Eeeeyaaahh, it hurts! It hurts!"
>They found it.
>How many slices were left in the fridge?
>I'm also out of milk, should probably buy some when I go to town.