Thread 34: Stories 31-45

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>DT
"77"
'SS'
[Cheerilee]
~~~~~

>I like this one!... Buuut this one does make my eyes pop a little more. What do you think, patchy?

"I think there is something a little off with the fact you insisted on taking your rocket launcher into the photo booth, and not your friend."

'Leave me out of this, I want no part in it.'

>I didn't ask for life opinions!

"Really, Poppet, you're clinging to that thingl-"

>HIM!

"-a little tighter than normal, and it is starting to become apparent."

>Hey, don't be jealous, you've already got a nice lady for yourself, be happy with just making it up that high, you don't need to try for someone like me!

[I don't know if I should be insulted or not.]

'It's Diamond Tiara, her insults and compliments are totally interchangeable.'

>SS, I would prefer a little backup here instead of the sass!

'You took him on the waterfall ride instead of me.'

>Hey, I didn't give HIM the all day pass, did I? No. I'm paying for every ride he goes on out of my own pocket-

"Which you don't have to, as he is not an actual patron."

>-because I would rather YOU had free reign to have fun however you wanted without me paying for all of your tickets.

'...Well, okay, that was pretty nice of you.'

>Of course! Listen, SS, no guy of any size, shape or amount of C4 is ever going to get between me and my best friend, you hear? Never! You are my very best friend for all of time, no matter how many countries I conquer!

'Awww... DT...'

>Cutie bump?

'Of course!'

[...Did she just say-]

"Shhhh, let them have their moment... and pray."

[...]

"...It's all we can do..."

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>Griffon 1
"Griffon 2"
~~~~~~~~

>So uh...

"Don't even bother asking, I have no idea what the fuck they're supposed to be."

>They're like, weirdly hairless yet not hairless ponies.

"Look like a bunch of ponies got locked underground and inbred over the course of several thousand years, eventually leading to the current crop which has resulted in those with debilitating sicknesses, a misshapen look to them and allergies to stuff like the sun."

>...

"...I took biology, man."

>I was going to! But it was just really boring looking.

"Your face is boring looking!"

>Nice comeback, twin brother.

"I have self loathing issues..."

>Yeah, me too... looking at your face and knowing I look like you is a pretty bad feeling.

"It hurts because they don't know which of us is the girl."

>Or which of us is the guy...

"...if we dated, this would be a huge problem."

>You said it. Another round!

"On me, sis!"

>...So, did he try to-

"Yes. He would not shut up about the trading."

>And?

"I may have accidentally introduced vitamins into their economy."

>...

"...actual vitamins."

>Hrm...

"No introducing them to drugs."

>YOU KILL ALL OF MY FUN!
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NC
>Ya'll mean they just needed some vitamin D this whole time?!

"Apparently, who knew?"

>But... but Apples ain't got much vitamin D in them!

"...Not every health problem can be solved with Apples, Applejack-"

*SMACK!*

>YOU SHUT YER' LYIN' MOUTH!

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>Fizzle
"Flash"
~~~
Meanwhile, at the World Expo

>Flash, I think we're kind of losing sight of our objective here.

"Nah, man... Pennydrip... Ponydrop- P- P-... Pendragon?"

>Pennydrop.

"Pennydrop! Yeah, tha'sh who! She told ush to check this plash out. So we're doin' it!"

>But the 'drinking around the world' thing?

"We gotta take in tha culture too ta thish place."

>Gotta admit, these Griffon Ales are strong shit, almost adds to my natural firebreathing. It's got a nice after taste to it too. Oddly minty.

"Thash tha spirit!"

>Still feel like we're forgetting something important. Oh, well, what's next on the list?

"We go to tha cloushdale pavillion. We try some Pegasus Storm Wine."

>Alright... you okay? Should you really mix booze and your cybernetics?

"Ah'm fiiiiiiin- Ulp! BLARGH!"

>Wow... you... launched that shit like a mile away... Where do you think it'll land?

Thump!

>Guess someone's gotta go to the medical station. Damn, I was kind of looking forward to the wine.

meanwhile...

'Shiny, are you okay?'

-Yeah... I don't know why but I feel like I should go over to the cosplay stage and stand dead center.-

'Why?'

-No clue.-

Also meanwhile...

[Okay, I'm in a maid outfit, I'm braindead and drooling like an idiot. Is there any way to add to the humiliation here-?]

SPLASH!

[... Ahh... A vomit money shot... This had SO better get their attention.]
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>32
[???]
"Reggie"
'Q'
-Flim-
~Flam~
#29#
<Pommel>

BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eikUKufNRIw

>CHAAAAAAAAARGE!

The hoverbike, the changeling squadron, the Cider Squeezy Mk3, and the army of Morlocks race across the sand plains towards the fractured and ruined castle with its surrounding swarm of changeling warriors circling it like a beehive made from stone. 32 glares at the oncoming ruin, his mind flush with the thought of revenge for every horrible deed his treacherous other self forced him to do in the vile scenarios.

<Doing ok back there!?>

>I'll be doing better once I get my hands on that asshole!

<Thaaaat's the spirit, get ready, we got a hell of a fight on our hooves!>

As if on cue, a rain of beam fire begins to issue from the insectoid cloud, falling onto the charging Morlocks, making them fall one after another in waves. However, they're answered by fire from the changeling's flying in formation on either side of the hoverbike and-

...32 leans over the side of the bike.

>THE HELL DID YOU GUYS ATTACH TO THAT MONSTROSITY!?

-Our new improvement!-

~The Guava Gatling Gun!~

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! CRY SOME MORE! DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA!"

'Mine's still bigger, sugar sucker!'

"BUT MINE'S LOUDER!"

Between the rotten apples and guavas, the sky is soon filled with rapidly falling changelings, getting swarmed over by the Morlock horde as they race towards the castle. The lucky ones are trampled.

>Should I question where they got the fruit from!?

[Dream logic, gotta love it!]

32 laughs as the mad charge continues. To his left he sees 50 grab one of the enemy changelings by his hind legs and swing it into its fellows. To his right, 29...appears to smash another over the head with a-

>The hell is THAT!?

#This my brother is a weapon of arcane power, harnessing the might of the crestfallen spirits of the restless dea-#

>IT'S A CHILDREN'S TOY!

#I WILL PRISS STOMP YOUR FACE ON A CURB!#

For emphasis the rolly-popper staff smashed into the face of another changelings, sending it flying.

#For tonight only you are ALL honorary princesses! And I will RUIN you!#

>I hope to the hivemind he's being figurative.

<You and me bo-WHOA!>

The hoverbike collides with one of the changelings, swerving as Pommel tries to regain control. 32 grimaces at the savage assailant, as it roars and tries to fire off blasts of magic at himself and Pommel.

>...uhhhh...

[I know.]

>It...

[I knoooow...]

>WHERE ARE ITS EYES!?

<OFF MY BIKE YOU BLIND BASTARD!>

Pommel decks the eyeless changelings, sending it spiraling to the tide of pale skin and sharp teeth below. 32 looks around to see the other defending changelings have taken on similar terrible attributes.

>THE HELL!?

[It's the other you, he's playing mind games.]

>Is that supposed to be wordplay?

[No. But this is good, he's getting desperate, resorting to the visual equivalent of 'Hey look over there!']

>If you think so.

[I know so, now look out, you're hitting the walls soon.]

<Mr. Echoes is right, get ready to jump!>

32 nods, his body tenses as the duo reach the walls, the changelings and pony leap onto the wall, the hoverbike flying into the confines of the castle and colliding with something if the sound of an explosion is anything to go by.

>Was that necessary?

<Nope, but it's a dream, buddy, and besides, you know we both always wanted to do that the second either of us heard the word 'Hoverbike'.>

>...Hivemind above I miss having you around.

[Unresolved tension later, okay? Head down the battlements towards the big watchtower!]

>What about Flim, Flam, and-

[They'll find their own way up, for now you got to get to that asshat before he finishes!]

>Alright, guys, you heard him, to the watchtower!

And like that, they're off.

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Rap-anon wrote a rap about spike.

Listen to it here: https://soundcloud.com/applesnack/lost-spike
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>Blueblood
“PJ”
‘???’
~~~~

>So you have a… protégé? Is that right?

“Mmmmhm.”

>What’s that like? Having someone look up to you, depend on you to teach them the way?

“You sound more than a little interested, Blueboy. Why’re you asking?”

>Mostly to put my mind on other matters while my lap goes painfully numb.

“Why’s it going numb?”

>This is just a stab in the dark but it might have something to do with you lying on it. For the past six or eight hours, minus about thirty minutes for bathroom breaks.

“Oh….”

And she did nothing to alleviate the problem, only lazily stretching her legs out as she bathed in the glow of high afternoon, smacking her lips and running a hoof through her mane.

“You want me to move?”

>No need. I’m envisioning life without legs as we speak. It’s quite nice.

“Good, I wasn’t gonna. But what I will do is… hoooold on, just gotta- aha! What I will do is offer you a potato. Want one?”

She lifted a spud up to his face.

>…Looks cold.

“It’s actually warm, been under my thigh for awhile now.”

>I’m astonished that I can’t decide whether to be repulsed or delighted after hearing that.

“Be neither and eat, then I’ll answer your question.”

The potato was accepted and he bit into it.

“Good boy. While Haymaker is gone, I’ll see to it you don’t get into anymore trouble.”

>Mmmpf hhg…?

“Plenty. And many of them won’t be as patient as me in seeing the strides you’re making, but that’s then and this is now. My protégé… is- she’s the little silver filly with the spoon mark on her ass.”

>Nnnnnh, thil’vuh doon… gggngh mmmfg nnnph.

“Figures. Rich knows rich. Anyway, she’s got talent, not with weaponry, but with her own body. With the right training… the right buttons pressed… she could be a better survivalist than me.”

>Ngh…?

“Because sometimes, Blueboy, life throws insurmountable demons in your path and all you can do is run. For years. Learn how to take for yourself and build for yourself. Until one day you find someplace that could be considered home… even if only for awhile.”

A sudden hoof, thinner than it used to be, came down on PJ’s forehead with just enough force to cause her to wince.

>Nnmmmpgh.

“…”

>NNNMMPGH!

“Alright! Alright, alright, sheesh! Fine! Not like I was going anywhere anyways!”

>Mph.

As PJ ruefully rubbed her temple, a figure just outside the Gun Clubs door watched on, silent and unmoving with unblinking eyes.

‘Well lookie what we have here….’

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>29
"MM"
'Trixie'
[Zecora]
{???}
~~~~~

"Do we really have to swing so far around the park?"

>Yes! The paths of our merry crew and that foulest of thing upon this world must never intertwine!

'The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie did not think she was really that bad.'

[Indeed, though her words held a chilling undertone. Nonetheless, nothing about her made me rattle to the bone.]

>She is a spawn of one of the darkest, most horrifying things to ever walk upon this very plain of existence. Teeth dripping with poison so thick, spindly legs so long and twitching, mindgames so twisted ever playing within her skull! She was beast incarnate, a creature even demons would shirk in fear. I know, I've met demons before, and they were nothing like that.

'So? Trixie met demons once too. One of them even gave her a concussion with a most cowardly sneak attack back in Ponyville... if I ever find out which one, BLAM!'

>...I wish you the best of luck. But my point still stands! Sciderella was one of the darkest of creatures ever to stain this world with the blood of foe and kin alike, there is nothing about her that is worth remembering.

{Step right up! Try the newest tastiest treat you ever did slip between your teeth! Come one come all, and try Sciderella's PopCake!}

>...
"..."
'...'
[...Pardon me, I may have misheard that fella. Was the name of your most fear queen not Sc-]

"OH MY GOSH THESE ARE DELICIOUS!"

>MARY! Art thou insane!? Who knows what could have been in-

'IT'S CAKE, BUT THERE IS A LITTLE BALL OF ICE CREAM IN IT!'

>...That does sound pretty goo-

[WHAT WONDERS HAVE I BEEN MISSING ALL OF MY LIFE!? WITH A SINGLE BITE I LOSE ALL STRIFE!]

>...Oh, and I suppose you all want some too, do you now? Well, I suppose I will have to taste it to ensure your safety...No, little ghost orphans, I am not using this as an excuse... I'm sure you ghosts can get poisoned somehow.... shut up.

"MMMMMM!"
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>Vekir
"Gwen"
'Barkeep'

>Whyfor is the meaning of this thing!?

"The meaning of what?"

>The Cat-Bird at the serving slab refuses to let me drink the Mee-ad!

'I'm sorry but we don't serve to minors here.'

>I am not a miner! I farm the mushrooms!

'No, minors. With an o.'

>I care not who the miners consort with! I am not one!

'Your majesty, can you please help me with this?'

"What am I supposed to do?"

>Order him to give me the fermented mixture!

"They aren't going to give you the mead, kid."

>Why!?

"Because you're a child."

>...am not.

'Are too.'

>Am not!

'You barely come up to my haunches!'

>Nooooo! No no no, I am not pup! I am short! Ask my brothers!

'I'm going to need more proof than that.'

>...I do not think we would produce offspring, cat-bird.

'WHAT!?'

"Ha!"

>And I am out of heat anyway!

'No you stupid-'

"Look, I'm willing to believe she's just a midget, and I'll back you up in case your bosses get annoyed. Sound fair?"

'Ugh...alright, one mead coming up.'

>HURRAH! ...you know, I am told heat does not mean-

'Please stop talking!'
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>Actarius
"JJ"
'Arana'
~~~~~~

'THAT ONE NEXT! THAT ONE NEXT!'

"Wow, she is really enjoying herself."

>Well, what do you expect? Not like she's had a whole lot of exposure to the outside world much. I sympathize... even if my wallet doesn't.

"Is the Princess going to pay you back? You're spending an awful lot."

>I couldn't ask that! It's my duty to serve the Princesses interests, and I wasn't assigned this job. She'd be totally in the right to tell me it was my own choice.

"I guess."

>...Huh. Was actually expecting you to argue with me.

"Me? Are you kidding? Acty, if there's one species on the planet that knows 'don't question the one at the top', it's a changeling."

>Well, I mean, I'm not going to not question her. But-

"Well, you shouldn't. I actually really feel for you, you've got a whole bunch of them! What if they start fighting and try to make you choose? It's a nightmare even just thinking about it! I'm glad I've just got my one Queen, makes it easier."

>Well... I mean, look, I understand duty to your royalty better than most, trust me on that, but you kind of make it sound... creepy.

"What's creepy about it?"

>I don't know! Just, it makes you sound like you have no free will and just serve the Queen.

"Well, I mean, I obviously have to have some, right? I'm at an amusement park with a royal guard and hanging out with someone who will probably get me excommunicated if her Majesty discovers I've been hanging out with her."

>...I don't want to get you in trouble.

"I know, but it's either this, or you have to hock her off on someone else which I know you don't want to do, or... I have to go somewhere else. I'd rather be with you, even if my Queen might get mad at me."

>JJ...

"Hey, it's not all bad. She can be... I mean, she doesn't really like me, she doesn't really love any of us, but she won't, like, kill me. Maybe if there were more, you know? But now, I'm fine. She'll probably just make me sleep in the damp spot and make everyone give me the silent treatment."

>...

"...See? Way... way less complicated. I've just got the one telling me what to do, it's got to suck having to listen to a bunch of possibly conflicting orders. We've all got our higher ups, Acty, just have to listen to them when we can, and hope they don't bite too hard when we don't."

>Can be a pain...

"So uh... want to... want to take Arana on the balloon ride next? Maybe we'll get lucky and you'll spot the two ponies who I swear are avoiding us."

>Yeah, right behind you.

"I like the sound of that! Come on, before she ends up-"

*FWHEEEEEE!*

"...She has found the noise maker, and I know pain."

>May Celestia have mercy on us all.

*FWHEEEE! FWHEEEEEEEE!*
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>Poindexter
"Mane-Iac"
~~~~~~

"AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!"

>It's just a photo booth.

"AHAHAHAHAH-... I like photo booths! My pictures always come out looking nice, even if my proportions come out wonky sometimes."

>Yeah, how does that happen? You're sitting still, yet for some reason it looks like you're bending at weird angles.

"It's more DYNAMIC and FORCEFUL if I add a little TWIST to my movement!"

>Yeah, guess you do look like you're a bit more action-y than normal... why am I weirdly undefined?

"Because the FOCUS is on the ACTIONAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA!.... So you don't have to put as much detail into the background stuff!"

>But... it's a picture-

"LOOK, POINDEXTER! THE HALL OF ORANGE JUICE AND WINGED AVIAN OF FELINE DESCENT!"

>Orange juice?....OH! You mean mead?

"Cider?"

>Mead.

"Brown water?"

>Mead! Mead is alcohol!

"...Is that some kind of soda? I like soda! IT FIIIIIIZZZZZLLLLEEEEES WITH A FORCE LIKE MY HAIRAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

>No, it's... uh... shoot, have you never had a PSA comic?

"What? I have had many an encounter with Pizza! It is a delectable DISK of TASTINESS!"

>...It's mud water, they do it as a prank, let's just say that.

"I LOVE PRANKS! AHAHAHAHAHAHH!"

>Right, but that's a prank someone else did, do you really want to repeat their jokes?

"R-repeating jokes....THOSE AMATEURS! Come, Poindexter! We shall not PARTICIPATE in their low rank SCHEMES of DIABOLICALNESS!"

>And thus, at the very least she might make my death painless.

"What's that?"

>NOTHING!
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>Temp Pony 1
"2"
'3'
[Guard]
~~~~~~

>You know, once upon a time, I actually thought "Hey, you know what sucks? This pony, who isn't even a crystal pony, coming out of nowhere and just picking up our kingdom like we were playing king of the hill and she saw a spot she liked."

"Right? Even I was all 'I'll always be thankful she saved us, but this doesn't mean she's allowed to just declare herself our royalty."

'Pfprppamammaa!'

>How you faring down there, buddy?

"I've been slipping him slices of cheese and water bottles, I just hope we dig him out eventually."

>But back to the point, yeah. These two Canterlot ponies just rolling in and calling themselves our new Prince and Princess without asking us felt wrong, you know? Like, there's not exactly a fine line between hero and 'governs our country', more like a canyon.

"Yeah... and now I just want to go back in time and punch my past self in the face."

>They are idiots, let's not mince words.

'Ifuiuds'

>Because apparently you NEED to be a god-powered superbeing in order to actually deal with this shit!

"There's forms in here for how much individual oil each lamp gets for the love of snickerdoodles!"

>...Well, actually, that's pretty ingenious. Sure, it's more work, but it also keeps the oil burning in the proper areas all through the night while also reducing what isn't needed in the parks or what have you. Probably saves a ton of bits thanks to not having to import as much.

"I'm not saying it's dumb, I'm just saying *I* wouldn't do that. If it were up to me, the treasury would somehow just have to deal with a slightly bigger budget for the freaking streetlights!"

>...

"...I'm going to quit, I swear it."

>DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THIS!

'MRPHOM!'

[Today's delivery is in!]

>NOOOOOOOO!

"NOOOOOOO!"

'NUUUUUUUUUU!'

[...I meant your lunches.]

>Oh... neat.

"Why is it all soft food?"

[Because you can't be trusted with sharp utensils anymore.]

"Ah. Wise call."

>...Did you have to stab ME-

"Yes."
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>Applejack
“Rarity”
‘JS’
[???]
{???}
-???-
~~~~~

‘Princess, slow down! You're exhausted, and I’m the one who’s supposed to be out in front!’

>Y’all said she was over here, didn’t ya, Rars?!

“Right!”

Galloping at full-speed, the two alicorns tore between the park goers, dipping and ducking with all the grace of a gazelle but with all the purpose of a manticore, unyielding and determined.

“My sunglasses have her this time- I’m sure of it, dear! This aura strand has traces of webbing in it! …How we missed that the first time is beyond me!”

‘I’m supposed to be the one leading YOU, Princess!’

>Then make yerself useful an’ clear a way fer' us!

It was on the very tip of his tongue to refuse her request, but Jetset only pushed up his shades-

‘As you wish.’

-and zipped past the two mares, a black blur all that remained of him as he pivoted this way and that in a zigzagging pattern, gently bumping ponies of all sizes out of their path. His speed was baffling but the wonder was lost on Applejack and Rarity as they pushed on, following the road he carved out.

“Yes! Yes this is the way! Excellent, darling!”

>Atta’ boy, Jet!

‘I’m not the best for nothing, princess.’

~~~~~~~

[Hey.]

{Yeah?}

[Is it me or… I… okay, first tell me what you see.]

{Hm. Well, if I had to guess I’d say-}

-Whooooa! Are those ponies getting knocked aside like bowlin' pins? My queen could do that, that was one of her favorite games! Is this a ride? Can we get on it?-

{No, Arana, that’s not a ride. In fact, I’d probably say we should avoid whatever that is at all co- JJ, what in the world are you doing?}

[Oh, you know, cursing my life, rolling into a ball, trying not to cry.]

{You’re failing there, on the crying part.}

[Never was one to succeed, look at my juggling as evidence of that.]

-JJ is funny!-

{He certainly is, Arana. He certainly is.}
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>Chrysalis
"18"
'???'
~~~~~

>...

"Okay, we've looked over there, and now we've looked over here, so let's try-"

>18?

"...Uh huh?"

>You are my top infiltrator, yes?

"Most successful missions out of anyone, yes."

>Good at tracking?

"Normally my job, yeah. Track the guy with a lot of money or influence, mind control and so on and so forth."

>And yet... here we are, looking for a very large mare with fucking LIVING HAIR, and somehow, SOMEHOW, you have managed not to find anything. Care to explain?

"...Aren't you primarily infiltrator based too?"

>Two seconds.

"...uh.."

'MAJESTY!'

"Look! Over there, a distraction!"

>...13. I did not know you would be attending the park as well. How are you?

'G-great! I'm doing amazing thank you for asking!'

"You're uh, you're sparking. Like, electrical sparking."

'It was an accident, they assured me!'

>I'm sure. But I am glad you are here. Tell me, little one, have you seen my good friend Mane-Iac around here by any chance? We got lost in the crowd, I'm afraid, and I just can't seem to find her.

'Y-yeah! They're over that way! Way, way over that way! I saw her for sure!'

>They?

'Yeah, she was with some guy I don't recognize, they were getting all sorts of pictures and stuff.'

>...

'Did, um... was that good? I don't-'

>You did very, very well, 13, I am proud of you.

'T-THANKS!'

"...So does nobody else see the fireball? There's a fireball up there. In the sky. Bout a hundred and forty two hooves up, give or take fifteen centimeters or so."

>I do hope you enjoy yourself, 13, and if anymore accidents should occur please seek out 42, she would be more than happy to explain to the park proper safety codes to ensure you do not get hurt.

'I-I will! I will Majesty, thank you so much!'

>No need to thank me, I should be thanking you. Run along now.

'Yes ma'am!'

Spinning on her heels and comically faceplanting into a wall was no deterrent to the unlucky changeling as she tried, and failed, to salvage that exit.

"...Wow, uh, that was a weird mode. Never seen you like that before."

>That side of me is necessary to preserve loyalty, 18.

"So why haven't I ever seen it?"

>Because I don't feel like wasting my time.

"...W-what do you mean? I'm loyal! I do what you say!"

>...

"What?! I do!"

>Then follow me, and get ready to help me hide a body.

"Uh..."

>Now.

"Sure, Chry-... I mean, yes your Majesty?"

>...

"...erm..."

Coldly, she trotted off in the opposite direction they had been going.

"...Shit."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"Announcer"
'???'
-Audience-
~~~
"Ladies and gentlecolts! After running through our contestantsm, it seems the winner of Partyland's daily costume contest goes to... Spike! Dress as the Lusty Argornian Maid; Lifts Her Tail!"

-Woooo! Wanna /ss/, kid?-

>I'm just a generic French Meido though.

"Yeah, whatever, pervert. Take a bow, kid, and try not to flash those stripped panties at everyone!"

-You are my waifu!-

>Well... This didn't work. At least I won first plac-

HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER!

'NOT SO FAST!'

>What?!

"Who dares?"

'OHOHOHOHOHO! The Cosplay Queen from Hell; Cheerilee returns to the cosplay battfield!'

"Ladies and gentlecolts, LEEEET'S GET READY TO COOOOOOSPLAY!"

>Wait, Cheerilee, do you know where 77 is? And that's a really amazing Princess Cadence outfit. I actually thought you were the real thing for a second.

'Thank you, and of course I do, I have an imp watching over him in case something should happen.'

>I've been trying to hook up with him and the gun club, can you help me?

'Of course... IF you defeat me in a Cosplay off!'

>... Bugger.
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