Healing Kisses (ch4)

EARLY RELEASE FOR MY $20+ PATRONS!

I wrote this about a week ago, as soon as news of The Disappearance of Tendo Maya came about in the Revue Starlight game. I don't play the games so I'm not too sure about all the details of the plotline, so this is just a little something to explore an idea about the concept.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

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														Chapter 4.

The evening seems restless somehow, even long before Claudine decides to retreat to her room for bed.

There is excessive conversation throughout Seishou's hallways and in the cafeteria, a cafeteria where Claudine sits with her group of friends as per usual.

Only one thing is off.

Typically she'd sit next to Maya, or more often than not, Maya would sit next to her.

But for whatever reason, this evening, Claudine finds herself flanked by Futaba on one side and Karen on the other, with Nana directly opposite her. She can't even see Maya from her field of vision, unless she leans almost into a back-bend to catch a glimpse of long brown hair and a blue ribbon.

But of course she isn't about to do anything so desperate. She just has to wonder if Maya is as anxious as she is tonight - for what reason, Claudine can't quite explain. Something just doesn't feel right, and not being next to Maya only makes it feel even worse.

When supper is finished and the group stands to begin heading to the dorms, Claudine manages to catch Maya's eye. She doesn't say anything, because she can't think of a good enough reason for there to be anything to say, but to her it appears Maya has a troubled look in her eyes as well. There's an unspoken agreement – to find each other at the usual spot tonight, as quickly as possible.

So Claudine hurries her way to the communal bathrooms to shower and change and brush her teeth. She doesn't spot Maya there at all amongst the crowds of girls, who seem to be deliberately talking louder or blocking her line of sight. It makes her nervous, like she's going to miss something, or lose something...

Claudine hurries out the second she's finished, rushing so quickly she loses a slipper and doesn't care to go back for it. She heads for Maya's room, swerving around people clogging the hallways - again, seemingly to get in her way, though logically she knows that isn't true.

But she just can't shake this feeling of unrest and unease, this churning coil of thorns in her chest.

She rounds the corner, almost breathless now, eyes wide in search of that familiar blue nightgown-

Her heart skips when she actually spots her, as if she'd been expecting not to find her at all.

For a split second, Maya disappears from her sight as a group of girls pass by, and in Claudine's mind she envisions the space where she'd been standing seconds earlier to be empty now. She all but sobs with relief to find her still there, turning slowly to meet her gaze.

Typically, Claudine would be much more composed and casual about their usual rendezvous here before bedtime. But tonight – whatever it is about tonight – she just doesn't care for appearances.

It's a short run on her part, and Maya is already opening her arms, her brow furrowed with worry that tells without words that she's been just as anxious all this time.

Claudine hurries, the awkward sensation of one foot feeling the fabric of her slipper and the other feeling the bare carpet sending a strange tingle up her spine.

She hurries, before someone else can cut Maya off from her vision, as if she might disappear-

Claudine whimpers with relief the second she reaches her, feels Maya's arms lock around her back more tightly – more desperately – than usual. She hugs Maya back just as fervently, feeling the beginnings of tears forming at the corners of her eyes as she burrows into her shoulder. She has no idea what's come over her, but whatever it is, Maya is feeling it too.

At the very least, it's nice to know she isn't alone with it.

As people pass by, no one seems to notice them, or if they do they respectfully keep their distance. Claudine reminds herself on how to breathe, drinking in Maya's scent as though for dear life, as though this could be the last time she ever does it.

The hands in her hair stroke lovingly, holding her close, without teasing comments or mischievous tickles for once. For even Maya to understand the gravity – though there is no real evidence to prove it – of the situation, says a lot.

After a moment they ease apart, and Claudine looks up into her eyes. She can tell Maya is troubled too, unsettled by something she can't quite explain. Without a word, Maya leans in and kisses her.

Claudine inhales sharply, relieved at the proof that it's real; that whatever is going on wouldn't dare try to separate them now.

When they part, Maya is already pulling Claudine toward her door, with a request that sounds more like a plea than anything.

"Stay with me tonight."

Claudine goes with her willingly, nodding reassurance that Maya didn't even have to ask.

But before Maya can grab the handle and slip inside with her, there's a chatter in the halls. Claudine looks up sharply to find a professor heading their way, clearly for a surprise room inspection. Torn, she looks back to Maya who is equally as miffed, but something in her expression says she's more dismayed than angry.

With the teacher fast-approaching, Maya has no choice but to let go of Claudine.

And Claudine hates it, but she has no choice but to go.

But not without one last look - a look of longing and confusion and so many things she just can't explain right now.

"Maya-"

Maya tries out a smile, though it's rather thin.

"Go. I'll see you in the morning, Ma Claudine. I promise."

Claudine has no choice but to go.

She retreats to her own room, stomach still backflipping, and prepares to meet the professor. The conversation about the room inspection is brief and hollow, but it satisfies her teacher who is soon on her way.

The hallways have quieted down by this point, but she doesn't dare to venture back outside. The last thing she needs is an excuse for the staff to separate Maya and herself for breaking the rules of the dormitory.

So Claudine slumps down into her bed, burying her face into her pillow. Maya's words echo in her ears with that hint of anxiety. The fact that she'd felt the need to promise something as simple and given as seeing her tomorrow morning – like she's done a million times – makes Claudine's heart twist. Why promise something so commonplace? Something so surefire?

Unless there was something that might warrant she couldn't.

This unrest – whatever it is – is trying to take Maya from her. She's sure of it. She can't explain why or how she's come to such a selfish and baseless conclusion, but it's all too real to her.

Maya's words keep repeating in her mind.

"I'll see you in the morning... I promise..."

Morning.

Morning.

Somehow it feels that wait is going to be even longer tonight, even though the same amount of hours and minutes and seconds will pass. What if this is the night where morning never comes...?

Claudine isn't even sure of when she closes her eyes, but the darkness soon takes over her, mind, body, and heart.

. . .

When she next wakes, Claudine finds herself in darkness. Looking up, she finds the room in an eerie stillness, swarmed by shadows, somewhere in between the latest hour of one day and the earliest hour of the next.

When she sits up, her body feels unusually heavy, and her vision blurs.

Something unexplainable comes over her - the urge to move, to run.

So she runs, staggering in her unbalanced state towards the door, slamming up against it and pushing it open with deafening sound.

The hallways beyond are dim and silent. Claudine breaks the stillness and runs, racing straight to the door she knows almost better than her own. She all but crashes into it, knocking it inward with the sheer force of her desperation, her fear-

"Maya!"

Of course she's here. Of course Maya Tendo wouldn't have disappeared just because Claudine had been fearing it for some unexplained reason.

Of course she's here.

She has to be...

...But she isn't.

Claudine scours the room in her panic, but she can't find her.

Not only her, but...

She can't find anything.

The bookshelf is barren, there are no clothes in the closet, no papers on the desk, no sheets on the bed-

She's gone.

She...

"Wait... who...?"

Claudine staggers back until she bumps the wall, putting a hand to her forehead.

"She's gone... but wait... who am I thinking of? Who is gone...? Who was I looking for...?"

She can't remember. She feels like she'd known a moment ago, but now she can't remember. She doesn't know what she'd expected this room to look like, or who she'd expected to be in it.

Of course it's empty. No one has lived in it for years. It's a spare room, but no one has come to need it.

No one lives here.

So whomever it is she was looking for... perhaps they never truly existed at all-

-A gasp, and Claudine finds herself sitting up in bed so quickly she nearly falls sideways. A horrible dizzy spell crashes over her, and there's a ferocious pounding in her chest she's never experienced before. Heat burns behind her eyes and spills over, breath catching in the back of her throat.

This horror, this discomfort, this suffocating hollowness can't be a dream. If anything, it's a living nightmare.

But there's one thing that stands the reality apart from the farce.

"Maya-"

She still remembers her name.

Claudine throws the blankets aside and jumps off the mattress, her foot finding the lone slipper as she runs as hard as she can for the door. But her legs give out on her halfway there. Head spinning, chest pounding, knees shaking, she forces herself back up and grabs the handle.

The door flies open, and Claudine stumbles to the familiar room, the one she's seen a million times before, the one she knows as well as her own.

"Maya-"

Another choked cry of her name – the name she'll never forget, lest her soul be damned, and even then she'd do whatever it took to remember.

She makes it to the door and clings to the handle, but doesn't push yet. Instead she curls her shaking fingers into a weak fist and tries to knock, making feeble sounds against the wood.

"Maya... Maya-"

She repeats her name, chanting it like a prayer so there's no way she could ever forget. She whispers it between sobs, again and again.

"Maya... M-Maya..."

Though Claudine knows it's enough to have woken her, and that she'd come running, there's no answer.

Claudine grips the handle helplessly and gives a push, not expecting it to be unlocked. But it opens easily, and she ends up on the floor, crumpled and crying and scared.

Scared to look up and find what she'd found in her nightmare; nothing.

But she has to know. It's terrifying, and it hurts, but she has to know.

So she wipes her eyes, though it does little good with how quickly the tears return. She can hardly see anything in the darkness as it is, but the heat in her eyes just makes everything bleary and distorted. She looks up, past the tears and through the shadows, terrified-

But unlike the nightmare, she can see familiar things. There are books on the shelves – books she's seen Maya read. There are clothes in the closet – clothes she's seen Maya wear. There are sheets on the bed – sheets she's known Maya to sleep in, sheets she's slept in with her...

But Maya is gone.

Claudine can't stop crying. She tries to get up, but collapses under the weight of it all. She tries again, this time staying on her feet long enough to search the room. She checks for a note, for any sign that Maya had known she'd be leaving. She checks the door, the desk, the bed, but there is no note to be found.

Claudine has never felt this kind of fear before in her life. It grips her like the claws of some unseen monster, sinking dread and despair deep into her heart. It consumes her.

"Where...? Où es-tu-"

She falls to her knees, head bowed into the fibers of the carpet as the tears spill over quietly.

Her name. Claudine has to keep saying her name. She can't forget. She won't.

"Tendo Maya..."

The sounds and syllables create an aching pang through her heart.

"Tendo Maya..."

She sobs, but it's drained and weak.

"You promised... you promised..."

If it's going to be a morning without Maya, then Claudine wishes it would never come.

Maya doesn't want to leave her.

Rather, she doesn't want Claudine to go, but with the professor sternly patrolling the hallways, there isn't any other option.

So she sends Claudine off with a promise, but as soon as she's gone, Maya wishes she'd sent her off with a kiss instead.

She can't explain what this strange feeling is, but it's been surrounding her for hours now - perhaps even longer than that, but she just hadn't fully noticed. She wants to be with Claudine – now more than ever – for no good reason, really. And something in Claudine's eyes and her desperate embrace had told Maya she felt the same way.

But it will have to wait until morning.

Maya watches Claudine go for as long as she can until the silverly-blonde curls disappear behind her door. Maya retreats behind hers, waiting for her turn at inspection, which she handles flawlessly.

But even after the professor has gone, she can't shake this sickening feeling. It haunts her as she lies down, curling up onto her side. She'd often face the door when she's expecting Claudine to sneak out and come join her at some point, but tonight it feels far too dangerous. She turns herself over, knowing Claudine is too smart to risk it tonight when inspections are happening.

They'll both just have to wait until morning.

Maya inhales a shaky breath, and it comes out even shakier. Something just doesn't feel right. The knot in her stomach doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon, and her mind won't rest. She just wants to see her so badly, wants to be with her now more than ever...

But something is telling her she can't. She just can't.

Claudine... Claudine...

The name echoes through her mind and guides her into darkness.

. . .

Maya wakes when it's still dark. She can't tell how much time has passed, and a glance at her alarm clock doesn't help. Her mind can't seem to configure the numbers properly, and she doesn't have the patience to care anyway.

She throws her legs over the edge of the bed and hurries for the door, stumbling and nearly falling more than once. She grapples with the handle and bursts out into the hallway, prepared to rush to a certain door in particular-

"Kyaa!"

Maya all but crashes into another person, and as fate would have it, it's just the person she'd been hurrying to see.

"Claudine!"

Many things rush through her at that second, but relief is the most prominent. To have just so happened to have found her on the way back from some late-night bathroom trip was far too perfect, but Maya isn't about to question it. A smile spreads across her lips and she reaches out for Claudine's hands, holding them tenderly.

"Thank goodness, Ma Claudine, I was so worried-"

"What on earth do you think you're doing?!" Claudine all but shrieks at her, and it isn't just in her usual pouting manner. This is different. Appalled and startled, she yanks her hands away from Maya and backs up, eyes wide.

Maya flinches and her smile vanishes, her fingers shaking from the loss of contact. She softens her voice and takes a step closer.

"Claudine? Whatever is the matter-?"

"Enough!" she snaps. "How do you know my name? Who are you?"

Maya stops dead. A cold chill shoots through her veins and ices over her heart.

"You..." She swallows. "You... don't remember me...?"

"Remember?" Claudine scoffs. "I've never met you before in my life."

Maya feels the world shift beneath her feet.

"Never met... Saijou-san, surely you must-"

"Stop it! How do you know my name? That's awfully creepy, if you ask me!" She moves even farther away, out of Maya's reach. "Leave me alone, or else I'm going to file harassment charges. I'm serious."

And she truly is. Maya can see it in the hardness of her eyes, that this isn't just some cruel prank; surely more cruel than a gentle-hearted girl like Claudine could even think of. This is genuine wariness, the honest distrust of a total and complete stranger, of someone who doesn't recognize Maya at all.

There's only one awful explanation for it.

She's forgotten her. Completely and entirely forgotten her.

Claudine gives her one last warning glare being whirling around and slamming the door behind her. Maya drops to the floor, and even that feels like it's about to fall away. She feels sick.

It hurts. It hurts-

"Claudine-"

She wakes with a gasp, sitting up quickly. Maya puts a hand to her pounding forehead to find herself sweating. Her heart is leaping high in her throat, so high that it feels like it might break free.

She's on her feet and out of bed before she even fully comprehends what's happening. All she knows is that this is real.

But before she can race out the door and rush to Claudine, Maya stops. She's never been one to let her emotions get the better of her if she can help it, and now that she knows she isn't dreaming, she needs to get ahold of herself.

She takes a few deep breaths, leaning against the door, wiping her forearm across her eyes to find them wet. She wants to see Claudine, but not like this. She doesn't want to show up looking like this and worry her further.

So when she opens her door and steps outside, Maya turns the other way and quietly heads for the bathrooms.

The journey there feels like it takes hours, and everything is blurry. She has to stop multiple times to get her bearings before continuing.

The lights of the bathrooms are left on during the night, and as soon as she sees the glow up ahead she hurries onward.

Maya spends a great amount of time at the first sink she can grab onto, breathing heavily and refusing to look up at the mirror. She turns on the water until it's cool and cups it into both hands, then rinses her face repeatedly until all the sweat and tears are gone. She pulls out a paper towel from the dispenser and dries herself off, feeling her pulse begin to settle once more.

She waits a few moments longer before she finally feels well enough and presentable enough to go see her. So she exits the bathrooms and returns to the quiet hallways.

It's then that she discovers the discarded slipper, one she knows immediately to be Claudine's. She likely hadn't seen it on the way to the bathrooms due to her delirious state, but now Maya picks it up and takes it with her.

It sends another pang of worry through her; when had Claudine lost it? Earlier that evening, or had it been in more recent hours? And if so, where had she gone, and why hadn't she stopped to retrieve the slipper?

A dozen scenarios begin floating around in her mind, and Maya increases her pace back to the dorms. She doesn't like it. She doesn't like this feeling.

She reaches the dorms once again, and by now she's almost running. But a small sound stops her immediately. She can't be sure, but it had sounded like a whimper, a tiny sob.

She halts, but she doesn't hear it again. Perhaps it had been Maya herself, because she certainly feels on the verge of tears again.

She passes by her own room and heads straight for Claudine's, gripping the slipper tightly. She pauses at Claudine's door and tries to calm herself, steadying her breath. She knocks and calls out softly.

"Claudine...?"

She waits, painstaking seconds, but there's no answer. She tries again, a little louder this time.

"Claudine-?" Her nails begin digging into the slipper. Maya feels a bile rising in her throat. She nearly chokes. "Pardon me, I'm coming in-"

She pushes through the door, another call of Claudine's name on the tip of her tongue-

"Claudine-"

The bed is empty, ruffled as if in great distress. Maya whirls around to scour the room, but can't find her anywhere.

"Claudine? Claudine-?"

She isn't here. Which means she could be anywhere.

Tears begin dripping down her cheeks, hot and stinging, blinding her as she tries to go back to the door.

"Claudine- Claudine, where are you-?"

Maya sobs, feeling the despair closing tightly around her heart. She stumbles back out into the hallway, eyes wide as she looks around wildly for answers.

"Where... Where are you-?"

She sobs again, burying her face into her hands and the softness of that lost slipper.

It can't be. She can't be gone-

"Claudine... Ma Claudine-"

There's another sob, but this time it isn't her. Maya is sure of it.

With a gasp she looks up, clamping her mouth shut so she may listen.

There's nothing.

But then-

Another tiny sound comes from nearby, the sound of a princess weeping.

Maya turns to follow it to its source, which now seems all too obvious. Maya pushes through into her own bedroom, and the door opens wide.

"Claudine-!"

And she's there. Huddled into a sobbing mess on the floor, but she's there. Maya almost can't believe her eyes.

And when Claudine jolts upright at the sound of that voice, she can't believe her eyes either. She gazes up at her in confusion, pain, joy, relief, all at once, tears spilling over with no end in sight.

"Ma... Maya...?"

The sound of Claudine's voice speaking her name so brokenly and scared has Maya on her knees in seconds. She collapses beside her and throws both arms tightly around Claudine, pulling her in closer than ever before.

"Oh, thank the heavens..." She pulls Claudine against her, supporting nearly all of her weight now. "You remember... Ma Claudine..."

At the same time, Claudine clings to her back, nestling herself into Maya's collar, sobbing her heart out.

"Ma Maya... you're here... y-you're really here... I'd thought you-" She can't say it. She doesn't want to say it, in case she might speak it into existence.

Maya rubs her head softly against hers, holding a long kiss to her temple.

"Of course I'm here... I would never leave you, Ma Claudine. Not ever-" She cuts off, choking on a sob of her own. "And you... you truly do remember me...?"

"Of course..." Claudine squeezes her hard, with all the love she has. "I would never forget you, Ma Maya."

They hold tight, not knowing what forces had come into play, or might still, but there are vows carved into their hearts:

"I'll never leave you."

"I'll never forget you."

At long last, the final traces of the nightmares fade, and the irrefutable truth of the soft reality takes over. They stay close, tears falling in the silence, seeping into nightgowns and locks of hair, hearts beating together as one.

When they ease apart, Claudine reaches up with shaking hands to hold Maya's face, gently thumbing away the tears and boring their gazes together. Her eyes are stern, scolding, but loving.

"You-" She sniffles, voice hitching. "You'd better not leave me, Tendo Maya. Not ever."

"Never," she swears. "Not for any person, nor any reason. I could never leave you, Ma Claudine."

"Good." Claudine pulls her in close and kisses her. It's messy and wet and salty, but it's warm and it's real.

Maya kisses back, wishing it could last forever, and then some. She kisses hard, but not too hard, just enough to tell her: I'll never leave you. Never. Never.

She kisses back until Claudine eases away, letting them both catch their breath. She holds Maya's gaze and dips her head in a small nod.

But Maya isn't finished. There's still a seed of worry in the pit of her stomach, wiggling its roots in little by little.

"And you-" She stops, breathes, and tries again. "You won't-"

"Just who do you think I am?" Claudine snaps. "Of course I'll never forget you, Tendo Maya. Even if you were to disappear from this world completely, and everyone else forgot about you, I would still remember. How could I ever forget the person who made me who I am today?"

Maya smiles, but the tears come anyway.

"But... wouldn't your life be so much better if I were gone? You would be Top Star, would you not-?" But she's stopped by a deadly glare from her better half, and the hands that have been caressing her cheeks up until now become stiff.

"Don't you dare-" Claudine growls a warning, bringing her face closer to Maya's to ensure she's paying attention. "I don't need a world like that. I don't want it. So don't even make me think about it."

The tears drip down Maya's face, but the smile remains. Claudine's answer is unmistakable and honest – heartfelt anger that is still more touching than frightening.

Maya just laughs once, very softly, and kisses her this time. Claudine nips her a little as punishment for the awful thought of a world without her, but eventually she relents.

Maya kisses her again and again – softly – to pacify her troubled thoughts, to apologize for giving them to her in the first place. She can only imagine the nightmares that had haunted Claudine had been as terrible as her own, and because of that Maya kisses her until neither of them can continue.

The tears have stopped by now, and Maya slowly helps her up, bracing her hands on the undersides of Claudine's forearms. They sway and stagger to their feet, holding onto each other for support, balance, just like any dance. Claudine draws in a breath and looks up to her, just as Maya looks down.

"I don't want to leave-"

"Stay with me tonight-"

Even without spoken words they would've come to the same conclusion.

Maya guides her over to the bed and helps her sit down, then returns to their previous spot on the floor for the forgotten slipper. She brings it back to Claudine and kneels before her to put it into place.

"A perfect fit."

"Thank you. But even Cinderella didn't sleep in her slippers."

Claudine lets them both slip off, and when Maya sits beside her she removes her slippers as well.

The two girls lie down together, immediately wrapping their arms around one another. Claudine locks her arms around Maya tightly, as if refusing to let her go, even after she falls asleep - no matter what might try to take her.

And Maya pulls her in close, letting her rest her ear against Maya's chest, hopefully to give her a part of her she'll never forget. She kisses Claudine's forehead, and in turn Claudine kisses Maya's collar.

"I won't leave."

"I won't forget."

Vows.

Promises.

Now that they'll face it together, morning doesn't seem so scary anymore.

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A/N: Ahhh gosh I hope the disappearance arc in the mobile games is super gay and sweet in the end. Also I'm enjoying this, so I might do another chapter continuing from here, just some more insecurities and comfort stuff.