Remnant's Finest

Bing, bong. "Paging Dr. Jones and Dr. Free to the OR. Dr. Jones and Dr. Free to the OR."

The doors to the OR are pushed open as a pair of white coat wearing men walk into the room.

"What we got today, boi?"

"Fuck if I know. Nurse Ray, the chart? ... Nurse Ray?"

"Didn't he quit?"

"Fuck. HEY WE NEED A NEW FUCKING NURSE IN HERE!"

An orange haired nurse bounces into the room holding the man's charts, "Yes sir, Dr. Sir!"

Gavin takes the charts from her and looks it over. "Says this bloke's got two broken legs that need to be reset. His legs are lookin' right proper to me."

Michael scratches his chin, "You're not wrong. Nurse! Did you bring the right fucking chart?"

Nora tilts her head before she shrugs, "Probably."

"Alright, here's what we're gonna do. Give him like 3,000 CCs of I dunno, some fucking drug to make him sleep. Then the Nurse will break his fucking legs, and we'll set them in place. No one will know."

"I dunno, Micoo it might not-"

"LOOK, IF THEY SAY SOMETHING JUST SHOW THEM THE GODDAMN CHART. WE'RE JUST DOING OUR FUCKING JOBS."

Before Gavin could object again, Nora injects the patient and puts the needle in the needle bin while humming. She moves between the pair, forcing them to split apart and look at her as she aims two punches to the man's shins. They both flinch at the sound of bone cracking under her fists.

"Quick Micoo, we gotta set his legs! Grabs some string or tape or something!"

"Fucking hell Nurse! Alright, alright. Uh, tape, got it!"

The two grab the straightest objects they could find and take the man's legs to them.

"Alright, let's just get the next fucking patient in here. Nurse!"

"On it, Dr!" Nora wheels the cart into the hall and lets it roll away as she brings in the next man. She wheels him into the empty slot and picks up the chart. "Alrighty! This poor man was hit by an Ursa in the last attack outside the main wall. He's bleeding internally and it looks like you'll have to replace his kidneys."

"Why does he have casts on his legs? Do they know they're legs?"

"Shut the fuck up and grab the laser. Let's cut this bitch open already. Nurse, sedate the loser."

"Right away, Dr!" Nora grabs a pair of needles and moves to inject the patient. She trips on the laser's cord and the needles slip from her hands; landing in the doctors. "Uh... Oops..?"

"Great. Fucking Great. LOOK WHAT YOU DID YOU... Woah, hahaha."

"Micoo, the room's spinning. Where'd all these colours come from?"

"Dude, we gotta finish this fucking surgery, hahaha. Grab the laser and slice."

"Alright. Come on. Almost. Got it!" Gavin secures the laser as it turns on, beginning to singe the wall. "Alright, tease it. [Gavin noises.] I got it!"

"Alright, hand me that uh.. Pizza cutter, yea. Great. Now I'll just... Rip open half his organs. Nurse! Sew him back up while I rip these fucking kidneys out."

"Of course, doctor." Nora swoops in and does her best to keep the damage to a minimal as Michael literally pulls the kidneys out.

"Alright boi! Just plop them beans in there and let's finish the job!"

Michael opens the cooler and picks up the kidneys. "Two beans going in!"

He tosses them into the body before Gavin pats him on the back, "Jolly good job, boi. Wanna go get bevs?"

"Absolutely. Nurse, finish up, will ya?"

"Yes sir!" Nora waves goodbye to the pair as they walk out of the hospital.