Spongebob 4: The Big Sponge

Spongebob 4: The Big Sponge

Spongebob took a long drag of his crack pipe. Everything had gone wrong. He lost his job on Wall Street, his husband Burgerbeard left him, leaving him with just a sole cardboard box. Spongebob chuckled, remembering the fun times he has used his IMAGINATION in similar boxes.
But that was a long time ago. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He was an adult with major issues. Stepping into a dusty old tavern, he sighed and went to take a seat by the bar.
“What d’ya want, kid?” the literally flaming barman asked him, through rimmed glasses.
Yes the barman was literally on fire. Because it’s Grillby. He moved to New York and works nights at the local bar. He also has a secret porn star double life, but don’t tell anyone.
And with that remark, Spongebob snapped. All the shit he’s lived through.  Yet this bastard still calls him “kid”.
And he called upon the sea, like Captain America. With that, water crashed through the windows of the tavern, drowning everyone instantly. Except himself.
“Damn, it feels good to be a sponge.” he muttered, taking out a blunt and smoking it.
What also felt good were the deaths. The figurative blood on his hands turned Spongebob on immensely. His dick grew about 30 sizes too big, already shooting pre-cum.  With that, he knew what he had to do.
And thus he went back home to Bikini Bottom and took a job as an assassin. He worked under the assumed name “Kaito Yagami” after his favorite Vocaloid and favorite anime. He grew an incredibly long and curly mop of rainbow hair. He attached tiny blades to each one of his eyelashes. He even got wings surgically implanted into him. Golden, feathered wings with a huge wingspan of about 50 ft. He also removed his fingers and replaced each of them with kunai. Badass.
His first assignment was for one Mrs. Puff. Apparently her husband had come back to life thanks to the magic of science and was coming back to Bikini Bottom. He couldn’t see that she had moved on and started dating that fucking pipe organ from the Beauty and the Beast interquel. He apparently gives great head.
Spongebob, or shall I say, Kaito sprung into action, sliding down several stripper poles in the process. Mr. Puff was located in the nightclub district of Bikini Bottom, simply having a drink before going home to what he thought would still be his wife. Spongebob lit up a joint. He was ready. HE HAD ALWAYS BEEN READY.
He seductively sidled up to the formerly-dead pufferfish.
“Come here often, hot stuff?” Spongebob asked, grinding his dick into the pufferfish with great intensity.
“Well, no.” the puffer fish said. “I’ve been dead for at least 50 years. I’m going home to see my wife, so I can finally do what I’ve been waiting to do for so long.
“And what’s that, hun?” Spongebob asked, giving the fish a quick lick on the dick through the fish’s tight pants.
“Well, get revenge of course. Because she murdered me.” The fish sobbed. “She poisoned me and then sold me off to the disgusting humans so no one would know what happened.”
Spongebob gasped in asphyxiation.
“I…..I’m sorry.” Spongebob choked out. “How about I come with you to the house? So we can end her once and for all.”
“You’d do that for me?” Mr. Puff asked.
“Of course I would, hotpants.” The sponge said. “But wait, I got a better idea. Way better.”
He pulled out a black book with white writing on the cover.
“A Death Note.” The fish gasped like a car gas tank on empty.
Spongebob scribbled quickly into the notebook. Wilhelmina Puff, 4:20 am, murdered by Squidward Tentacles using a cactus up the ass.
5 minutes passed. 4:20 AM, and the news immediately reported that she was found dead with a cactus shoved in her ass, with Squidward nearby masturbating to pictures of Lucario. He was immediately arrested, and though many petitions calling for them to #FreeSquidward have gone around the internet, in jail he stays for the moment. But it’s fine, Squidward started dating Plankton in jail, it’s cool.
Spongebob and Mr. Puff ended up getting married and becoming the biggest murder duo of the ages. And it didn’t only just affect the fish population. Humans, cows, the yeti, praying mantises. All fell under their rule. Soon, the two became rulers of the free world, but not without troubles. Spongebob had to hide his face under a mask when the rebellion practically scorched it off with flamethrowers and shit. So he modeled a mask of his own face and this is where his face stands. But other then that, it’s pretty good.
Who doesn’t want to be king?