[FLUTTERRAPE] The City of the Sands

This is a load of shit, Twilight.
>"Oh come on, Anon! It's gonna be great! Just you, me, and our friends on an adventure!"
Adventures suck.
>Pinkie Pie bounces up to you.
>"Don't be such a sour puss, Nonny! Think of all the fun we're going to have here!"
>You look around at the barren desert. The sand dunes tower above you and there aren't any signs of life for miles around.
>Glare at Pinkie Pie, who is beaming up at you
Oh boy. Sand. What fun.
>Pinkie giggles
>"Now you're getting it!"
>You sigh and stomp onwards, cursing everything around you
>Since the only things in question are the 6 ponies, the sand and the sun, there isn't much to curse
>Unless you curse oxygen as well
>Can oxygen be to blame for this?
>Why not.
Fucking Oxygen.
>It's day 980 in Equestria.
>Almost 3 years in this pone-infested hellhole and no way of getting out
>To make matters worse, rather than being at home in Ponyville with your warm bed and gentle summer breeze wafting through the window, Celestia decided that an expedition was in order to forgotten lands
>When you sent her an angry letter demanding an explanation, she said you needed to get out more
>Honest to god, you couldn't find a fault in her logic. You WERE kind of a shut in
>Not your fault though. Ponies are assholes at the best of times
>Applejack trots up beside you and gives you a water bottle
>"Here ya go, partner! Ya look parched!"
>Chug down the water and hand it back to her
>Rarity appears at your other side
>She uses her magic to gently wrap a thin headscarf around your exposed noggin
>"I thought you might need it, wouldn't want you passing out, darling!"
>Nod in appreciation
>"We love you, Anon!"
Thanks, Pinkie.
>You fucking hate this place.

1/?


>Dig into your pocket and pull out a dry, sand covered letter
>Read it again
>"Dear Anonymous, I am sending you and my faithful student Twilight, along with her friends, out to the Dreaded Dunes! I hope you enjoy yourself and bring back many stories of your adventures! I just know you'll enjoy your time with your best friends!"
>Stuff it in your pocket again
>The rage keeps you going
>Twilight awaits you atop a sand dune
>She grins at you
>"Isn't this fun?! I can't believe we're the first ponies in a hundred and fourty years to explore this area!"
>Look around at the unchanging landscape
We're going to die here, aren't we?
>"Don't be silly! It's just a little bit farther to Mareage!"
>You cringe at the pun
>Squint at the land before you
There's nothing here, Twilight. You god damn-
>"There it is!"
>Pinkie Pie jumps down the side of the dune and slides on her butt all the way to the bottom, squealing with delight the whole time
>Rarity carefully begins to descend. smiling at you on the way past
>"I do love the sand, darling. It feels wonderful on my hooves and all, but I really don't want to get it in my coat"
>She, as well as the rest of the mane 6, follow Pinkie to the bottom of the dune
>Where there is absolutely nothing
>Fucking hor-
>"Anon? Could you p-please help me?"
>Feel the rage intensify
>Turn to see Fluttershy smiling at you
>"Oh! You will? How wonderful!"
>She promptly shows you her rear end
>She prods her vagina with a hoof
>"Umm, I got sand in it. C-could you please dig it out?"
>Grab a fistful of sand
>Punch Fluttershy in the vagoo
>She gasps and quivers
>"Oooooh... Yes please, Anon..."
>Fuck this. You're out
>Slide down the dune on your butt, like Pinkie did.
>It may seem like fun, but it's not.

2/?

>Get to the bottom of the slope
>The Mane 6 minus Fluttershy are staring in awe at... Something
The hell are you all looking at?
>Twilight cocks her head
>"You can't see it? There's an entire city here, Anon."
>Blink
I think the heat might be getting to you.
>"No, it is. But it hasn't gotten to you yet."
>Twilight sighs and casts a spell on you
>Suddenly you have a massive headache, your mouth is dry and you're gasping for air
>Fall to the floor on your hands and knees, your headache made worse by the searing heat of the sun
WHAT DID YOU DO?!
>"I gave you a mirage!"
YOU CAN'T GIVE PEOPLE MIRAGES, YOU FUCKING MORON! A MIRAGE IS A PSYCHOLOGI- Oh, -there- it is.
>Lo and behold, an entire city now stands before you
>Buildings made of sandstone and shining spires with huge glass windows stretch on for a mile, surrounded by a vast stone wall
>You can hear the noise of the city now, busy market noises
>Gotta admit. It's pretty impressive
>Get to your feet and take your place next to Twilight
>She smiles up at you
>"Now do you believe me?"
>You rub your head, taking it all in
>Still hurting like a bitch, though
I don't understand. You said that no one has been here in over a hundred and fourty years
>"That's right! Celestia told me where to find it, though. She's been around forever so she obviously knows about it."
What about the city's residents?
>"Well, the city is built over a massive wellspring. The only one in this whole desert. It runs deep, and never seems to run out of water, so it's people have lived here peacefully for over two thousand years in total bliss! Isn't that great!"
Will they be okay with tourists?
>"I'm sure they'll be fine."
...Do you have a headache?
>"Oh yes. It's quite painful"
You don't look like you're in pain
>"That's because, unlike you, I'm not a little foal. I can handle a bit of pain"
>Twilight giggles and trots up to the front gates
>You're stunned by her comeback.
>Truly, she is the smartest and wittiest of the bunch
>Brain?
>Yeah?
>Remind me to poison her breakfast
>Roger.

3/?


>Jog to catch up with her
Wait! Do we need to have headaches for this entire trip?
>"Nah. Once we're in the city the magical barrier around it will adjust itself so that it will always be visible to us"
That's... Oddly convenient
>"Duh. It's magic."
>Of course.
>You follow Twilight through the huge wooden doors and into the city
>The others follow, looking around in wonder
>Twilight points to a spire and tells everyone to meet her there
>Stop gazing at the towering structure and look at the shops around you
>A pony in a turban grins at you
>"Hello there, friend! Would you like some baskets? Very good prices!"
Uhh, how much?
>The shopkeeper looks at Twilight
>"Your daughter is beautiful! I would like to marry her! You give me your daughter and I give you basket. Good deal, yes?"
>Snicker
Sure thing!
>Nudge Twilight, who wasn't paying attention
Hey, Twi, there's a nice pony over there who wants to show you some old books.
>"Really? Oh my goodness! That's incredible!"
>She prances over to the shopkeeper and he chuckles as he shows her into his shop
>24 seconds and a very loud series of explosions later, Twilight stomps out, looking pissed
>"I HATE THIS PLACE ALREADY"
You uhh, got some spunk in your mane
>"GO TO TARTARUS, ANON."
>Lose your sides while Twilight storms off in a huff
>Wipe a tear from your eye and look around for the rest of the mane 6
>Applejack is talking with another street vendor
>Wander over and watch them
>"Waddya mean ya'll ain't got apples? Ain't you never seen an apple before?"
>The vendor shakes his head
>"What is apple? I only sell lemon."
>Applejack seems a bit miffed
>"But... Ya CAN'T have NOT heard of apples-"
>"NO APPLE ONLY LEMON YOU BUY YES?"
>AJ stomps her hoof in frustration
>"AH WANT AN APPLE"
>The vendor throws a lemon at her
>And then a horseshoe
>"YOU GET OUT OF MY STORE. WE ONLY SELL LEMON!"
>Drag AJ away from the vendor before she pummels him
Relax, Applejack. It's just a lemon
>Try not to smirk
>AJ walks off in the same direction as Twilight, grumbling
>Walk over to the vendor
>He gazes up at you, unperturbed by your extra-terrestrial body
>"You buy lemon?"
>Slam 5 bits down and grab a lemon
>Bite into it, the sour juices causing every muscle in your face to seize up
>Tastes like justice

4/?

>Look around for more funny fun things to do
>Notice Pinkie Pie
>Strut on over and watch her poke around with a large grin on your face
>She notices a pony charming a snake
>"Oooh! Let me try!"
>She grabs a pungi and begins to play
>Lean against a post and watch her play
>A noise distracts you, so you look to the left
>When you turn back, Pinkie Pie is using the flute to summon Pinkie Pie out of the basket
>The other Pinkie is wearing a snake costume
>It's creepy as shit
>You put it down to another hallucination and move on to find Rarity, who is probably checking out the various silks and jewellery
>To your surprise, you find her in a pit, surrounded by stallions
>Move through the crowd and do a double take when you see that she's fighting a crocodile
>She's wearing a bandana with gem studs in it
>Rarity leaps towards the crocodile, which in turn waddles towards her, snapping its jaws
>She deftly avoids its maw, jumping behind it with a dexterity you've never seen her display before
>She grabs the poor lizard in a choke hold, growling and struggling to hold the croc in place
>It hurls her off and hisses angrily, waddling as fast as it's stubby lizard legs can carry it towards where she rolled with renewed vigour
>You wince as its jaws snap down on her, but are amazed as Rarity stops them just before they close over her head
>She has a hoof pressed against the roof of its mouth, and it's lower jaw
>She lets loose a battle cry, pushes up and down with her hooves respectively, and issues a sickening crack
>The crocodile begins writhing around, hissing and roaring in anger, but it's jaws are loose.
>Rarity broke its fucking jaws
>The crowd goes insane and starts throwing money and gems at her
>She giggles and waves to them, catching all the things thrown at her in an expensive looking bag she seemed to have produced from nowhere
>"Thank you! Thank you all!"
>She jumps out of the pit and freezes when she sees you
>You can't find anything to say
>She speaks first
>"They'll never believe you."
Y-yeah, I know.
>You follow her away from the fighting ring
So how long have you...?
>"My father was a cage fighter"
Huh. Think I can get a share of th-
>"No."
Okay...

5/?

>You lose Rarity in a crowd
>Not that it matters. You all know where to go.
>You stuff your hands in your sand filled pockets and poke around the bazaar some more
>A pony walks out of a shop, looking around like she was caught doing something terrible
>Said pony is Fluttershy
>Creep up behind her
Boo!
>She yelps and drops her freshly purchased item
>It's an old... Lamp?
>The fuck
Fluttershy, what the hell is this?
>"Ohh, umm... P-please give it back. Please? Please..."
Fine, whatever. You could have at least bought something cooler. Like a box of vipers. I think I saw someone selling those a while back, I think they-
>Aaaand she's gone.
>Chuckle and carry on searching for ponies to annoy
>it doesn't take you long to find Rainbow Dash
>She's trying her hoof at a bit of gambling
>You stand behind her and watch the table
>It's the good old '3 cup 1 ball' trick.
>The pony hosting the game swiftly places a small white ball under a cup, taps it twice, then begins moving the cups around at a whirlwind speed
>Rainbow Dash's head moves frantically to try and keep up with where she thinks the ball is
>The host abruptly stops, and Rainbow shakes her head
>"That was way too fast! No fair!"
>Rainbow
>Saying that something is too fast
>Snicker to yourself
>She spins around and glares at you
What? Just pick a cup, man. It's just a game.
>She turns back to the cups and bites her lip
>After a moment she jabs a hoof at a cup
>"THAT ONE!"
>The host lifts it up
>Nothing
>Rainbow groans in frustration
>"That's impossible!"
>She stomps off
>Look at the host
>He looks at you
>Reach down and tap the cup on the far left
>He picks it up
>A ball is there
>He gives you 5 bits
>Fuck yeah.

6/?

>You decide that it's time to head towards the rendezvous, the large sheets of canvas providing cover from the sun and basking the whole marketplace in a lovely cool shade
>Doesn't do much for the smell though
>The stench of perfume, spices and sweat fills the air, mixing together to create what you can only describe as pungent, yet strangely intoxicating
>It reminds you of back home. Earth, that is.
>Busy, crowded streets. The shouts of hagglers ringing out over the continuous noise of discussion, bartering and laughing
>Beats Canterlot any day
>Since you tower over the ponies, you have no trouble wading through them
>They don't even bother with you though. A few look up at you while you stroll past but they just carry on walking with the same nonchalant expression
>You could live here. These ponies just don't give a fuck.
>Maybe you could talk with someone here about renting a house? You find yourself growing more attached to this place the longer you stay here
>It's a hell of a lot more interesting than Ponyville
>The place where fuck all happens all day and the only thing you look forward to at night is your bed
>You make your way towards the nearest spire where you all said that you'd meet up
>You take your time though. You like it here and want to savour every moment you have before you get dragged back to that borehole up north

7/?

>Find the group stood at the foot of the glamorous looking spire, looking mad as hell
>Twilight is staring daggers at you
>Applejack is frothing at the mouth slightly
>Pinkie Pie is still wearing a snake costume
>Fluttershy is looking at the floor and nudging a small stone around
>Rainbow Dash is sat on her haunches with her front legs folded, grumbling to herself
>Rarity locks eyes with you and mouths the words "no one"
So! How's everyone doing?
>"Shut up, Ahnon."
>"Stupid monkey."
>"It wasn't even fair!"
>"Umm... Y-yeah..."
>"I'm doing just fine, Anonymous. Thank you for asking!"
>"Hiya Anon!"
Whaddup, Ponko. So, where to now?
>Twilight huffs and pulls out a map
>"I picked this up after that merchant tried to molest me, says the grand palace is deeper in the city. Directly over the wellspring that keeps this place alive."
>Rainbow Dash trots over to look at the map as well, her face scrunched up in confusion
>"Whats this mean?"
>Twilight sighs
>"That's a compass, Rainbow"
>"Oh."
>You all decide that the palace is the best place to go, so you set off.
>Twilight takes the lead as usual
>"Everyone stick together. We don't want to get lost in this place, alright?"
>The group agrees
>You grunt
>Being lost here would be awesome. You want to explore this city from top to bottom.
>But alas, you cannot lose track of Rainbow's multichromatic mane so you drudge onwards after them
>With the palace in sight, the bazaar slowly fades out and is replaced with more aesthetically pleasing abodes
>Ponies wearing fancy robes and various silks drift to and fro, chatting quietly in comparison to the hustle of the marketplace you just left
>A few of them turn their heads, and to your chagrin, these ponies are surprised to see an alien being wandering around their fair city
>"What IS that creature?"
>"Hush, Firemalt, don't let it hear you..."
>You make a mental note to never come here again once you move to this city

8/?

>The guards let you pass, a bored expression on their faces, mirroring that of the lower class citizens
>Guess you know where the grunts of this army come from
>You follow the group through the grandiose halls, the gleaming white marble pillars entangled with an exotic, vibrant green ivy
>The guards inside are outfitted in elaborate uniforms, lined with gold and gems
>You glance towards Rarity
>As suspected, she's openly drooling
>Prod her
You alright, Rarity
>"Buhhhhh"
Hm.
>You reach a pair of gargantuan golden doors
>This palace makes Canterlot's look like your bedroom
>The doors swing open, revealing a throne room even more beautiful than the palace that houses it
>The throne itself actually has small water features on each side
>Fucking
>Water features
>A frog bounces past you and into the pool, where it lies content on a small rock, croaking quietly
>Your eyes slowly work their way up to the throne itself
>And in it lies...
Oh my god.
>Rarity lets out a subtle "ugh"
>Twilight steps forward confidently
>"Greetings, your majesty! My name is Twilight Sparkle, I'm a visitor from the distant lands of Equestria by order of Princess Celestia of Equestria!"
>The figure in the chair muses to herself
>"Hmm... Celestia, eh? I haven't heard that name in a while... She still executing ponies for heresy?"
>Twilight looks taken aback
>You try not to smirk
>"I... No, I don't think she is."
>The figure titters
>"Shame. Those heretics got what was coming to them. Now. Unless my old age has rendered me... Heh. Mad, I think I can see a monster dressed in a suit about to pounce on you all."
>The group turns around to look at you
>You point at yourself
What, me? Nah. I'm cool.
>Twilight's eye twitches and she hisses at you
>"Anon! You're speaking to royalty!"
>The figure in the throne laughs heartily
>"why, I never! He's got quite the spine to be talking to me like that!"
>The figure steps off the throne

9/?

>An alicorn, that is. With a dark grey coat and a frizzy leaf green mane
>She strolls down the slope leading up to her throne and towards the group
>And she
>Is
>Massive.
>Almost triple the size of Celestia. Not in height, but in width
>A creature covered in so much fat you wonder how it is she's walking so briskly towards you
>Her rolls shudder and jiggle as her flabby legs propel the beast towards you
>She marches through the ponies in front of you, the group jumping aside to let her past
>Despite her size, her head only just reaches your chest
>She gazes up at you, her eyes twinkling with what you pray isn't hunger
>"What am I to call you, hm?"
Uhh. Anonymous.
>"Anonymous? Funny name... Mine's Terragranda."
What, like large earth?
>Twilight gasps
>Terragranda laughs
>"Yes! Just like that!"
>She moves to the side a bit, showing you her rolls
>"You like them?"
>She jiggles her ass
>Jesus Christ how horrifying
Uhhh-
>"No need to gawp, dear. I know how beautiful I am."
>Rarity gags silently
>Terragranda rubs a hoof up and down your leg
>"You know... I haven't had a visitor in a while... It's been so long since I've entertained someone so..."
>She leans forwards, her hoof tracing your chest now
>"...Exotic"
>FUCK LIVING HERE. THE BAZAAR CAN KEEP IT'S RUSTIC CHARM.
>Terragranda bites her lip and winks at you before walking back to her throne
>You feel raped.
>Which is ironic, given that it's normally Fluttershy who does shit like that.
>Terragranda makes herself cosy on her throne again and sighs happily
>"Now. I do enjoy having guests. Especially those from foreign lands. What can I do for you?"
>Twilight clears her throat
>"Well, we were sent to investigate this city! And might I add, that it's absolutely beautiful!"
>Terragranda waves her hoof dismissively and smiles to herself
>"Yes yes, I know. I did build it, after all."
>Twilight cocks her head
>"What do you mean?"
>Terragranda laughs warmly
>"Everything you see around you was built by me. From the pillars to the houses to the walls around them. I built all of it."
>Twilight seems gobsmacked
>"A-and how long did that take?!"
>Terragranda ponders this for a second
>"Ehh, a while."

10/?

>Twilight's face shows that she's struggling to comprehend this.
>"B-but... WHAT?!"
>Terragranda taps her nose and chuckles
>"Now now, my dear. A lady doesn't reveal her secrets"
>Rarity twitches
>The alicorn stretches out, making sure to give you a good look at her
>It's like staring into a chasm of lard
>"So. Since you are all my guests, I shall give you some rooms in the castle to stay in. I trust that this is appropriate?"
>Twilight nods gleefully, returning to her normal ass-kissing ways when in the presence of royalty
>"Absolutely! Thank you, your highness."
>Terragranda rolls her eyes
>"It's no problem, my dear Twilight Sparkle. We can always make room for guests around here."
>She clops her hooves together
>"I shall have an escort take you to your rooms."
>On cue, a few guards trot in and begin to lead the group away through a door
>You turn to follow them, only to have yourself stopped
>Move your head slightly
>Terragranda is stood right next to you
>She smiles sweetly
>"I'll be seeing you later, stud"
>She waddles back to her throne as a guard appears to take you along to your room
>You simply can't manage to say something witty.
>She has you beat
>The guard takes you down numerous corridors, each as finely crafted as the last, with plants climbing up the walls and the sun streaming through the windowless arches
>Arrive at your room
>The guard grunts and wanders off, clearly miffed that you interrupted his precious "stand around doing fuck all" time.
>What kind of moron would willingly be a royal guard anyway?
>Your leg twitches involuntarily
>Enter your room and look around
>First problem: The six ponies on your bed
>They all look towards you when you enter
>Rainbow Dash chortles and flies over to you, knocking your shoulder with a hoof
>"Here he is! So, lover boy. What did the princess have to say to you?"
Nothing. Now get off my bed, all of you. I have to sleep in that.
>Twilight clears her throat
>"Actually, Anon. There's been a change of plans regarding the rooms we're staying in."

11/

>Night-time rolls around faster than you expected
>Glare at the ceiling
>Look to your left
>Applejack, Twilight and Rarity are sleeping on one side of you
>Look to your right
>Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy are sleeping on the other
>Look at the ceiling again
This fucking sucks
>Fluttershy, who is latched onto your arm, stirs
>"W-what's wrong, darling?"
Never call me that again. And I can't sleep with this many horses in my bed!
>"Ooh... You poor baby! Here, let me remedy you..."
>She starts kissing your face
>You can't move much due to the mass of pone on both sides of you
>Manage to free your other arm, that Applejack was using as a pillow
>Slap Fluttershy with it
>She eeps
>Twilight wakes up
>"What's going on?"
>"A-anon hit me!"
I used necessary force to prevent a potential rape, you mean.
>"I would never r-rape you, Anon..."
You tied me up 4 weeks ago and beat with senseless with a riding crop. Consider it karma.
>"But I thought you liked that!"
Nigga you crazy-
>Twilight reaches over the sleeping Applejack and mushes your face with a hoof
>"Don't be mean, Anon. Get some sleep."
But Fluttershy will-
>"Fluttershy is harmless, Anon! She just wants to be friends!"
>"Yeah, Anon! Don't be a douche!"
Go back to sleep, Rainbow Dash
>"No way! You all woke me up!"
>Applejack snorts
>This startles Rarity awake
>"Whatever is the matter, darlings?"
Stop saying 'Darling', for fucks sa-
>"Anon won't stop harassing Fluttershy."
Shut the fuck up, Rainbow. That's not what happened.
>Rarity sits up and looks at you
>"Then what is it, Anonymous?"
Fluttershy was trying to fondle me. Again.
>"Pish posh! Fluttershy would never do such a thing! She's too... Shy!"
She's sucking on my chest right now, what are you, blind?
>Pull Fluttershy off your right nipple, now bearing a large 'suck mark'
>Fluttershy blushes
>Applejack snorts again
>Pinkie Pie appears from under the duvet between your legs
>"Hiya, Anon!"
The hell are you doing down there?
>"Treasure hunting!"
>She places a hoof on your crotch
STOP THAT!

12/?

>Twilight prods you again
>"Don't be mean!"
She's touching my junk!
>"No she isn't!"
>Pull up the covers to show Pinkie Pie prodding your junk and giggling
>Fluttershy appears next to her and joins in, blushing furiously
>"Uhh, they're just having fun! Let them!"
Are you actually retarded?
>"If you keep being mean, I'll give you a headache again"
Try me.
>She gives you a headache
>The 5 awake ponies do a mad scramble to cover your mouth with as many pillows as they can to prevent you from screaming too loudly
>Twilight whispers in your ear
>"Are you done being mean?"
I'll kill you the MOMENT these ponies get off me.
>Only you don't actually say that. You've got a face full of pillow and have 4 other ponies weighing you down, as well as a pounding headache
>So instead you let out a muffled "Yes" and nod
>Twilight relieves you of your headache and snuggles up next to you
>"Go to sleep, Anonymous..."
>Grumble and shut your eyes
>...
>Open them again
>Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are sleeping on various body parts. Rainbow on your chest, curling up like a sleeping cat
>The pink one is lying on one of your arms, weighing it down, and Fluttershy is led between your legs with the side of her face resting on your junk
>Sigh
>At least Rarity didn-
>"I'll just settle down here, darling. Is that alright with you?"
>Rarity cuddles up on your other arm
>Applejack snorts again
>Slam your eyes shut and pray that you'll fall asleep
>Hopefully you'll catch some kind of strange and deadly infection out here and die quickly.
>Fucking ponies.

13/?

>Day Hospitality in Equestria
>Wake up
>Only Rainbow Dash is in the bed with you
>She's still on your chest
>Poke her snoozing face, eliciting an adorable little snort from her
>You'd never tell her that she's adorable though
>Stupid fucking rainbow horse
Wake up, you lazy bum
>She slaps you with a hoof and starts snoring louder, a smirk on her face as she pretends to sleep
>Growl and pick her up, throwing her off the bed like an unwanted pet
>"Ow! What the hay, Anon?!"
Me hungry. You in way. You leave now. Me get dressed.
>"Alright, monkey man. Whatever you say..."
>She huffs and flies out of the room to find her friends.
>Climb out of the massive bed
>Find a bathroom
>They somehow have flushing toilets here
>That's... Not right.
>Ponder the existence of the gleaming white porcelain seat for a moment before shrugging and placing your ass upon it
>Finish and flush
>Sparkling clean water rushes into it and washes the waste away
>How.
>Bend down and stroke the toilet bowl
How do you exist, clean one?
>It doesn't answer
>You really need sustenance or else you'll pass out
>Stand up and walk out of the en suite
>Pick up your suit from the floor and put it on
>Smells like ponies
>Grimace and walk out the door, heading in the direction Rainbow Dash flew
>After a short walk you find yourself in a grand hall
>A table longer than your entire house back in Ponyville greets you
>Holy shit
>A metric ton of food is upon it
>Stare at it, taking in the mountains of fruit, vegetables and cakes adorning the dark wooden table
>The mane 6 are all sat around it, chatting and helping themselves to the platter before them
>Pinkie Pie sees you enter and bounces over to you
>"Morning, Nonny! All this food looks yummerific, right?! They even have cakes! I love cakes! Do you like cakes, Anon?"
You know I love cakes. Now stop talking before I strangle you. I'm tired as hell and nothing is getting between me and that food.
>Stomp past the smiling pink horse and towards the largest pile of grapes you've ever seen
>Before you can grab them, a loud clear voice rings out
>"Ah! My exotic friend. There you are!"
>Gulp

14/?

>Turn to see her majesty, the ever growing Terragranda, strolling over to you.
>Her rolls are out in full force today
>"Did you enjoy your rest, dear? That bed hasn't been used in quite some time..."
>What is she-
>OHMYGODYOUSLEPTINTHATTHING
>Seize up and feel your eye twitch
>Terragranda realises that you realised and grins in response
>"Maybe we can get to know each other better later..."
>She turns and walks to the largest seat, at the head of the table
>Once seated, she smiles at you and motions for you to sit in the chair closest to her
>Shake your head
>A grape collides with the side of your head
>Rub it and look sideways
>Twilight is glaring at you
>She jerks her head towards the princess
>Scowl and walk over, taking your seat next to the massive monarch
>May as well make conversation
So, nice kingdom.
>Terragranda smiles at you
>"Thank you, Anonymous! It took me a while to think of it."
>That's a weird thing to say
>Grab a massive carrot off a nearby plate and munch on it
>It's cold, crunchy and fresh. Perfect.
>Lean back in your chair and enjoy your breakfast
>Glance towards the princess
>She's watching you intently, and leaning forwards a bit
>Hold her gaze for a moment, slowly lifting the carrot to your mouth and biting off another chunk
>She bites her lower lip at this
Uhh, you okay, TG?
>Hear Twilight groan further down the table
>Terragranda composes herself and returns to showing her normal smile
>"Simply fine, dear. I just enjoy watching you eat"
>Well that was fucking creepy
Uhhh-
>"Shhh, it's okay, Anon."
>She presses a hoof to your lips
>It stinks of exotic perfume
>Which actually smells kinda nice, but that's not the point. Not even Luna is this creepy
>Terragranda stands up
>"I have some business to attend to. Please, enjoy roaming the palace and the city as you will. You're welcome to stay as long as you need!"
>She turns and walks away
>"Maybe even forever if you want!"
>She clearly wants the D
>And you sure as hell aren't going to give it to her

15/?

>Twilight watches the princess leave before running up to you
>"Anon. I'm going to go and find a library, okay?"
Al...right then?
>She nods and bolts off towards the far end of the room and out the door
>The rest of the ponies agree to meet back here at the end of the day, and set off out another door towards the palace exit
>That leaves you alone
>"A-anon?"
>THAT LEAVES YOU ALONE.
>"Anonymous? Look over here please!"
>Ugh.
>Begrudgingly move your head to behold Fluttershy in all her glory
>Sticking your half eaten carrot inside herself
>Scan the room
>No guards. Just you and Fluttershy
Fucking really, Fluttershy?
>"D-do you want to finish eating it?"
Hell no, you can keep it
>Pick up a bunch of grapes and start eating them one by one
>"Wait!"
>Fluttershy moves into your path, hovering at chest height
>"I want to show you something!"
I'm not falling for that one again, Shy.
>Last time she used that line, you got swallowed by a giant worm
>"No! I swear that this time will be different! And it's nothing to do with your fetish... Unless you want me to guess it again... Do y-"
Stop talking.
>She does so
>Rub your eyes
So what is it then? I don't have all day.
>She motions for you to follow her
>Shake your head
>She gives you puppy dog eyes
>Roll yours and follow her, hands stuffed in your pockets
>Fluttershy takes you to a small room near the bedroom you just slept in
>She pushes open the door and looks left and right before walking inside
>"Come on, Anonymous!"
Ugh.
>Follow her inside and shut the door behind you
>Torches line the walls, illuminating the dank room in a soft orange glow
>Crates of supplies and food indicate that this must be a store room
What is it then? Any funny business and I'll put you in a crate and kick you off the palace roof
>Fluttershy trots over to a crate and nudges open the top before reaching inside and pulling out something familiar
>The lamp she dropped in the street.

16/?

>Walk over and crouch down
>Fluttershy gently places it on the floor and looks at you, a small smile on her face
So uhh, it's a nice lamp?
>"I got it from a strange pony in the bazaar. All he asked for it was a kiss on the cheek!"
Whore
>"Oh, I didn't give him a kiss. I hit him on the head with a vase and stole the lamp."
>Woah.
What. Why?
>"Because I'm saving myself for you, silly!"
>She smiles sweetly at you
>Shuffle backwards a bit
So why's it so important?
>"Well the strange pony said that it can grant wishes, but so far all it's done is be useless..."
The hell could you possibly want with something like this?
>...
Don't answer that.
>Peer at the lamp, the orange glow around you reflecting off it's pristine surface
What if we rubbed it?
>"What?"
Maybe if we rub it, a genie will come out and start granting wishes!
>"...That's silly, Anonymous."
Have you got a better idea?
>"Umm... No..."
>You pick up the lamp and rub it with your hand
>A few seconds pass of nothing
>Just before you give up, the thing shudders and falls to the floor with a clatter
>Watch as it spins around on the floor, gaining speed and humming slightly
>Stand up straight and step back, giving it a wide berth
>The lamp glows red and begins to levitate
>It floats up to your eye level and just sort of hovers there
Uhh-
>"SHUDDUP!"
WOAH SHIT.
>"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TRYING TO THINK HERE."
Alright man, just don't hurt me.
>"Pony up, you pussy."
>Fluttershy cowers
>"A-a-anon! I don't like this!"
>The lamp turns to her
>"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU LITTLE WORM"
>It turns back to you, still floating in its little red aura

17/?

>"Now, who the FUCK are you?!"
Uhh, Anonymous. Who are you?
>"I'm a lamp, genius."
Just a lam-
>"NOOOO!"
>Jump a little bit
>"I'M A BLOODY PONY TRAPPED INSIDE A LAMP!"
>The lamp flies forwards and bashes you in the nose
>Fluttershy lets out a startled cry
>"Anon! Are you alright?!"
>She flies up to the lamp and grabs it, glaring at it with full force
>"You will NOT hurt my Anon, mister!"
>The lamp is silent
>"Worm. I will give you exactly four seconds to get your foul little hooves off me before I unleash a hell so violent upon you that you'll beg for death"
>Fluttershy squeaks and drops the lamp again
>It catches itself in the aura before it hits the floor and floats back up to you
>"Right, now. Monkey boy. You seem to be the most advanced creature in this room. Let me guess, ponykind was eradicated by a hostile alien race and you're a grunt sent to pillage this place of it's natural resources?"
...No.
>"Ehh. Fine. I don't care. In any case, I need to ask. Is the fatass still in charge?"
Who, Terragranda?
>"Aye. Terragranda... Who the fuck is Terragranda?"
>Facepalm and give the talking floating magical foul mouthed lamp a flat look
She's the alicorn princess in charge of this place.
>"Is she fat and grey?"
Yeah.
>"Yeah, I know her. Listen, I need your help real quick"
Shoot.
>"We need to dethrone her. Preferably through death. I can supply the lasers, but you'll need to work with me if this is going to work."
>Look past the lamp and at Fluttershy
Did I get knocked unconscious? Is this a dream?
>"N-no"
>The lamp coughs
>Somehow
>"Uhh, actually. Technically, yes."
You what.
>Voices outside hit your ears
>"I heard noises in here!"
Shit.
>The lamp floats closer to you, whispering
>"Hide me! They can't find me here!"
>You grab it and stuff it inside your shirt
>It's really quite warm. For a lamp.
>The store door flies open, and armed guards peer into the gloom
>You and Fluttershy stare back
>The guard grunts
>"What are you two doing in here?"
>Fluttershy leaps into your arms
>"W-we're just consummating our love!"
>Drop her
We're just leaving.

18/?

>Push past the guards and drag Fluttershy after you by her tail
>Drag her into the bedroom and throw her onto the bed
>She starts stammering and mumbling about it being her first time
>Somehow, you doubt it
>Slam the door shut and lock it, listening to the guards outside laugh about you as they walk away down the corridor
>When you can't hear them anymore, you pull the lamp out of your shirt
>It floats up again and turns to you
>"Uuugh. You stink, monkey."
You don't have a nose. How the fuck are you-
>"Shut up."
No, YOU shut up.
>"Don't tell me to shut up, you asshole!"
Mate, I will wreck you.
>"Try me"
You think I can't take a lamp? I once fucked up a chair something fierce
>"You? Take down a chair? Don't make me laugh. You couldn't shatter piece of parchment."
>You grab the lamp
>It starts to heat up to unbearable temperatures almost immediately
>"YOU REALLY WANNA DO THIS, PAL?"
DAMN FUCKING STRAIGHT WE'RE DOING TH-
>"ENOUGH!"
>You both shut up and the lamp cools down again
>Let go of it
>Fluttershy is glaring at the both of you
>"I've had enough of this behaviour from the both of you! I think you've both earned a time out. Now, mister lamp, I want you on one side of the room, and Anonymous I want you to strip naked and bend over the bed for a sp-EEEAAK"
>She drops to the floor, completely limp
>The lamp blows(?) smoke from its end
Thank fuck for that.
>"You're so dead, Monkey."
Bring it.

>14 minutes later
>Lay back on the bed, panting
>Scratches and burns cover most of your body, and your suit is utterly ruined
>The room itself is trashed, and some of it is on fire
>The lamp has several large dents in it and is struggling to stay afloat in it's levitation aura
>"Are... Are we done?"
Yeah... You're alright, Lamp.
>"You too, Anon... You too..."
>The lamp drops on to the bed and lies there
>Hear heavy breaths come from it
So. What's the deal, then?

19/?

>The lamp coughs
>"Well... Where to begin. First of all, I'm Harold."
Harold.
>"Harold. I'm a pony. Or at least, I WAS."
So what's wrong, Harold?
>"I'M A FUCKING LAMP, YOU IMBECILE! WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG?!"
Alright! Alright! I meant why are you a lamp and why is your life currently shit?
>Harold clears his 'throat' and begins what you can only imagine will be a long lecture
>"Well, it was about two thousand years ago..."
>"I was a unicorn from Equestria, a damn fine one at that. I was part of the Moonlight Order! Can you believe that?"
I don't think it's around anymore.
>"Bah. Well anyway, me and the wife were both part of the Order. And we were sent on an expedition to this very place in search of fragments of the era of Discord."
Era of Discord?
>"Aye. Horrible time, it was. Discord ruined the land, and it never fully recovered. Areas of land still hold chaotic magic. Highly dangerous and unpredictable stuff, it is. So me and the wife were tasked to find the magic out here"
>"So we travelled this bloody desert for weeks. A unicorn of my calibre wasn't too miffed about it, I was at the point where I could summon my own water to keep myself going. The wife though..."
>Harold sighs
>"The wife was getting worn down by the endless sand and unbearable heat. She started seeing things. Wandering away from me while singing to herself and trying to eat sand."
>"It was horrible to watch, really. So it was just as she was losing her mind that we actually found the chaos magic. Hell, it wasn't even a small amount. It was an entire wellspring of the stuff. A whole cavern full of volatile and untamed magic."
>The lamp shudders

20/?

>"So we plunged right into it and started trying to tame it. Things were going great until I realised that the wife wasn't actually taming it. She was absorbing it."
>"Her madness had made her deaf to my words, and she was convinced that the magic could benefit her. How, I have no idea. But watching my own wife try to dabble in chaos magic was a heartbreaking thing to see."
What did you do?
>"The only thing I could. I tried to stop her. But she had gathered enough of the stuff to overpower me."
>Harold begins to sound much more melancholy
>"She absorbed it all, Anonymous. She took every last scrap of that magic and imbued it in her own body. And she wasn't ready for that kind of magical overload."
What happened to her?
>"Her mind, or rather, what was left of it, was shattered right then and there. She instantly began to change everything around her drastically, the entire cavern was turned into a giant water feature like the one back at home in Equestria."
>Harold sniffs
>"And then she turned me into a lamp."
>You snicker
>"Oy. It's not funny."
It kinda is. I mean. A lamp? Really?
>"Chaos magic is chaotic, Anonymous. It's very nature relies on improbability. I'm lucky I wasn't turned into a cat."
>Harold grumbles
>"I hate cats..."

21/?

Then what happened?
>"The worst part, that's what. See, since chaos magic is so... Unpredictable, I had no idea what was going to happen. It was just as likely that everything went back to normal as it was for the cavern to implode. But instead, something worse happened"
>"She fell asleep."
>...
What.
>"She's asleep, Anonymous. Have you noticed anything strange around here yet? Anything that just doesn't seem right?"
>The lamp hops closer to you on the bed
>"This isn't real, Anonymous. I'm not saying that you yourself are asleep now, but the moment you entered this city, you entered my wife's mind. "Terragranda" is her avatar. She's not an alicorn! She's a wonderful unicorn whom I miss so very very much. And she's lost in her own little world."
>"She controls everything you see. She built this entire city in her mind. And she has been running it for two thousand years."
Hang on a minute, Twilight said that this city hasn't been visited in hundreds of years! She said that Celestia knows about it!
>Harold sighs
>"Two thousand years is a long time to perfect the ultimate illusion, Anonymous. Tell me, how did you get here?"
I got a mirage, then I was able to see the city.
>"Right. A mirage is a psychological affliction brought on by extreme heat. The same thing my wife was suffering from at the time she lost her mind and created this place. Only the partially mad can enter this city, Anonymous. But each and every resident was hand crafted by my wife. Everything in it from its history to its culture to its caste system was formulated in the mind of an insane pony."
>"It wouldn't be too hard to concoct a simple lie that this city is protected by a spell that shields it from harm. Something Celestia would understand completely..."
>Harold pauses
>"Hang on, Celestia is still alive?!"
Uhh, yeah?
>"Huh. She must be getting on in years."
>Shake your head


22/?

I don't get it, why didn't you tell us this the moment you woke up?
>"I was cranky. And you're not the most pleasant thing to wake up to, Anon."
>Makes sense.
>You stare at the ceiling and think about what you were just told
>So everything around you is a dream
>The princess isn't an alicorn, and instead a pony so insane that she created her own world that was real enough to fool Celestia
>And this same princess has the hots for you
>Should you mention this to Harold?
>...
Your wife's trying to bang me
>"Bitch."
>Sit up
So what's the plan? How do we do this?
>"Well we can't hope to bring her down by just waltzing up to her and killing her"
Why not?
>"She's an alicorn"
Alicorns aren't invincible. I once watched Princess Luna get a papercut.
>"You're an idiot."
>You pick up the lamp and inspect the damage you did to it
Will you be okay?
>"I'll be fine. Oh, and Anon?"
Yeah?
>"Her real name is Tickery. That's why I was confused when you called her Terragranda. She's never once called herself that before you arrived."
You've been around for far too long, Harold.
>"I know. I just want this nightmare to end."

23/?


>You wake up Fluttershy and tell her the gist of everything that you had heard
>She said that she knew all along
>You called her a liar
>She started crying and said that she thought that smart ponies were your fetish
>Once you had all decided to find your friends before you proceeded any further, you headed out the bedroom, no longer concerned about the damage done to it
>While you walk, you query Harold some more
Hey, whatever happens to other travellers?
>"They either lose themselves in the city, ending up as part of the construct, or they leave and go home with no memories of the place. It's all a distant dream to them."
But Celestia would have remembered?
>"I think Tickery was smart enough not to screw around with the mind of a pony that could bring her whole world crashing down upon her. So she left Celestia's memories intact. Though why Celestia hasn't come back here, I'll never know..."
>You'll have to ask her that same question once you get back.
>...IF you get back
So what have you been doing these last two thousand years?
>"Sat in a shop and been passed around like an ornament. It's pretty boring, getting placed on a shelf and never moving again, Anon."
Why didn't you just try to stop her
>"Because she doesn't know I'm here."
Seriously?
>"She may have created everything around her, but she doesn't directly control and see everything. She won't have any idea what the merchants at the bazaar are saying now. She just rules it. So I've been biding my time and waiting for a chance to strike. I thought I might have had the chance when Celestia was here, but I couldn't get close without raising suspicion."
>He huffs
>"After all, it's not every day a talking lamp tries to speak to you"
>You think on what he said for a while.
>Walk down the corridors of the palace with Fluttershy at your side and Harold nestled against your chest down your shirt
>Something occurs to you
Hey, Harold?
>"Yeah?"
Can you grant wishes?
>"Ugh... No. That shopkeeper was a filthy liar."
Damn.

24/?

>Fluttershy hovers up near your chest and prods the lamp
>"Umm, how do you know when a stallion likes you H-harold?"
Are you seriously asking a lamp for romance tips, Fluttershy?
>"I was just asking..."
>Harold groans
>"Is she always like this?"
Oh yeah. Every day.
>"Lady, you're nuts. Get a coltfriend."
>"I-I'm trying..."
>"Preferably one who's the same species as you."
>"B-but I love him!"
>They bicker for a while until you reach a large door with a book symbol over it
Hey... Is this a library?
>"Gee, I don't know. Is that a book symbol over the door?"
Shut up.
>"No, you."
>You stroll inside and start looking for any purple unicorns
>Find one under a mountain of tomes
>She actually made a fort out of books
>Your inner child squeals with delight
>He is then crushed by years of cynicism and hatred
>Nudge her cutie mark with a foot, causing her to yelp and slam the book she was reading shut
>"Anon! Don't sneak up on my like that!"
Whatcha reading?
>"Nothing!"
Whatever, listen, if I told you that all this is a dream and I found a magical talking lamp who is actually the two thousand year old husband of the fat alicorn princess running this place, who in turn is actually a unicorn who went mad with power, would you believe me?
>"N-no?"
Tough shit, because that's what's going on. Tell her, Harold
>Reach up your shirt and pull out Harold
>Throw him at Twilight
>He stops himself just before he hits her face
>"That was unnecessary, monkey."
>Twilight gasps
>"Oh my gosh! A magical artefact!"
Keep it short, Harold. I don't have the patience for more exposition.
>Harold proceeds to tell Twilight everything
>You lean against a bookcase and tune out the noise
>Feel something wet slide against your face
>Fluttershy pulls away, her tongue sticking out
>"You had dirt on your face..."
>What did you do to deserve this?

25/?

>One incredibly boring speech from Harold later, Twilight is up-to-date
>"I KNEW there was something wrong with this place! Everything just seems too perfect! And the guards are all identical!"
>That startled you
>You think back to when you were found by the guards in the storeroom
>Holy shit, they really WERE identical
>Creepy
>Twilight gets on her confident face and smiles at Harold
>"So what now, sir? How can we stop this?"
>Harold sighs
>"By killing her. This entire city is a death trap, and unless we remove the thing causing this illusion, you, as well as all your friends, will be trapped forever."
>Yesterday you might not have objected to such an idea, but Tickery scares the hell out of you, and you don't want to be trapped here with her for another thousand years
>Tap the floating lamp
So what's the plan? How do we kill her?
>"No idea. I could shoot her with lasers, I guess. But I'm not sure that would work."
>Twilight taps her chin with a hoof
>"What if we tricked her?"
What?
>"What if we distracted her, then, I don't know, poisoned her dinner?"
>You look at Harold
>He floats there thoughtfully
>How does one float "thoughtfully", you ask?
>Who knows, but he's doing it.
>"That's... Not a bad idea. And if all else fails, we shoot her with lasers."
>Twilight nods
>"Deal! I'll get to work searching these books for any poisons, Anon! Go get the rest of the girls! We have some planning to do!"
>You nod and snap your fingers at Fluttershy
Come on, you horny little fucker. Let's go find your friends.

26/?

>To be honest, finding the other wasn't hard.
>You found Rainbow Dash soaring over the city, whooping and hollering.
>A small well aimed stone got her attention
>And also sent her crashing into a cart full of lemons, much to the dismay of the lemon vendor, who threw horseshoes and produce at her.
>Rarity was chatting with some upper class socialites near the palace, and was distraught when you scared off her admirers
>She also didn't approve of you slinging her over your shoulder on your quest to find the next pony-
>-Pinkie Pie. Who was slipping rubber balls under various boxes and rugs around the area
>"What? They're in case of emergency!"
>Fucking Pankao.
Alright, so that's one, two, three, four- Ahh shit. We're still missing Applejack
>Look towards Rainbow
You know where Applejack went, Dash?
>"Uhh, I think she went back to the bazaar"
>Damn.
>You grunt and set off jogging into the lower-caste area, the ponies around you becoming careless once more and not mindful of the towering creature running around the place
>Turn a corner and find her sat against a building, looking dazed
>Crouch down when you reach her
Applejack? The hell happened?
>She shakily raises a hoof
>A half-eaten lemon rests on it
>She looks up at you with tears in her eyes
>"D-d'ya think I'm a traitor now, Ahnon?"
Nah.
>Slap the lemon out of her hoof and sling her over your other shoulder
>"Hi, Rarity."
>"Hello, Applejack. Fancy meeting you here!"
>"Whut are we doin'?"
>"I haven't the foggiest, dear."

27/?

>With all the ponies gathered you set off back towards the palace in search of Twilight
>You have some serious planning to do

>"Wait wait wait, so ya'll are tellin' me that this entire city isn't even real?!"
>Twilight nods
>"Yes, I'm afraid so"
>Applejack turns her head slightly
>"So those lemons weren't real?"
>"Not exactly, no."
>Applejack cheers and starts dancing around the library in a typical southern fashion
>All you're missing is an empty jar of moonshine and this moment would be complete
>Harold floats over to you
>"Hello again, Anonymous. We found a poison we can use."
For real?
>"Aye. A nasty little bugger called Sufferant. Induces tremendous amounts of pain followed shortly by death. A tiny dose will kill a pony, a larger dose was enough to incapacitate Celestia for a week over two and a half thousand years ago, and a massive dose will outright kill a dragon. Luckily, this palace has literally everything, including a laboratory beneath it. No doubt it holds samples of poisons we can steal."
Are you sure it will be there?
>"Well, no. It's a gamble at best. But it's the best chance we have other than just running at Tickery all horns blazing."
>You Grimace
Will it be guarded?
>"A few guards here and there. It's a store room more than anything else."
>Look towards Rainbow Dash and Applejack, who cock their heads slightly
I'll need you two then. Want to come and help me steal poison and maybe get in a few fights?
>Both happily agree to theft and assault, and walk over to your side
>Twilight levitates a book from a nearby pile and scans the pages
>"I would normally help, but I need this to learn how to make the poison properly for maximum effectiveness. You three will have to go by yourselves while the rest of us stay here and keep watch."
>Nod
>Turn to leave for the laboratory
>...
>Turn back around
Where... IS the lab?

28/?

>"Alright, Anon. It should be down here."
>You descend the stone steps on the steep winding stairwell
>The sandstone walls are adorned with torches, giving the place the same glow and feel as the store room where you found Harold
>Speaking of whom, he is once again stuffed down your shirt, which is now pristine again thanks to Rarity.
>You reach the bottom and squint into the murky depths of the palace dungeons
>Pluck a torch off the wall and motion for your 2 companions to follow
>Rainbow puts on a tough girl approach and struts on ahead
Careful, Dash. We don't know exactly what's down here.
>"Relax, Anon. We can take anything thrown at us!"
>Harold mutters a retort at that
>"Pegasi aren't much use underground..."
>Thankfully, Rainbow didn't hear him.
>Applejack is silent, and nods when you glance at her
>You can rely on Applejack if things get hair
So where's the store going to be, Harold?
>"I'm not sure. There's no conceivable way of us knowing such a thing"
Why so sarcastic
>You look up
>A sign with "ARMOURY <--" and "LABORATORY -->" is visible in the torchlight
Oh.
>You veer right and begin to notice a chemical smell in the air
>Harold seems to sense it as well
>"Hm. Smells like sanitation chemicals. We're close."
Think there'll be anyone down here? Working, I mean
>"Not sure. I see no reason why not. Tickery would have made every last detail as realistic as possible in order to make the illusion more convincing"
>You run your hand along a wall, feeling the rough sandstone over your fingertips
I still can't believe that it's all fake.
>"Technically it is, technically it isn't. Remember that we're in a machination of her mind. You are actually inside her head, as am I. The only problem is that unlike most dreams, if you die, you'll just fade out of existence"
>You shudder
That's... Scary.
>"Such is the nature of chaos magic. But if we manage to kill the pony who created the dream, we should be ejected safely"
Should?
>"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't make a habit of being trapped in ponies minds. I'm not an expert on the subject of ethereal planes"

29/?

Uhh, sorry.
>Walk for a bit longer
Hey, if we kill her in the dream, won't she just wake up like the rest of us?
>"Nope. She's too far gone. She's lost inside her own world, if we kill her, it will be too much. Her brain will just shut down from the shock of being torn from a world it had convinced itself as real. As well as the magic keeping this place alive going through another fluxuation thanks to the host of the world being disrupted."
So she'll just die?
>"Yup"
...I'm sorry, Harold.
>"It's fine. She's actually better off dead. Because then she'll be at peace. It's been too long, Anonymous. No one should live as long as Tickery and I have. We don't have the willpower of a real alicorn."
>Applejack stops you
>"Somethin' up ahead, Anon."
>You notice a door at the end of the corridor, a torch hanging next to it
>The door itself is slightly ajar, and you can hear voices coming from it
Guess this is it. Ready yourself.
>You pull Harold out of your shirt and he hovers next to your shoulder
>The 4 of you proceed slowly, edging towards the door trying not to make too much noise
>Once you reach the door, you stand to the side of it, Applejack and Rainbow Dash at the other side
>Poke your neck out and listen
>"...Are the samples ready?"
>"Of course! They'll be prepared for tomorrow. I'm so happy this research is getting off the ground!"
>"...Are the samples ready?"
>"Of course! They'll be prepared for tomorrow. I'm so happy this research is getting off the ground!"
>Pull your head back
The hell?
>Harold speaks quietly
>"Trapped in a loop. Tickery must have overlooked this part of the palace. It's not like anyone ever comes down here."
So they're... Unfinished?
>"Pretty much. Wait for my signal"
>Harold floats past your head and through the crack in the door
>You hear 2 quick "pew pew" noises, followed by the sounds of something heavy hitting the floor
>"Okay! All clear!"
>You, Rainbow and Applejack duck through the door
>Rainbow lets out a quiet "woah"
>The room is absolutely massive.
>Rows upon rows of glass tanks and crates line the place, lit by torchlight and various magical objects
Shit. This is gonna take a while.
>You all split up and set out to find the Sufferant samples
>Harold intensifies his glow, giving you more light to see in
>You scan the labels on the crates and tanks

30/?

>Irradiated water
>Tree saplings
>Minotaur horns
>Toxic plant life
>...
Think it will be in here?
>"Probably."
>You lift up the lid and use Harold to light the insides
>Several vials greet you, each with a large cork stuck in the end
>You pick a couple of them out and read them out, Harold doing the same via levitation
Nightmare Cress
>"Yuck yuck seeds"
Poison Joke
>"Onions of Catastrophe"
Necrosis Flowers
>"Sufferant"
Grea- Wait, what?
>Harold holds up a vial between you both
>It's stuffed with a vile looking black root
Is this it?
>"It matches the description in the book alright."
Will it be enough?
>"More than enough. Come on, let’s get out of here."
>You both head for the exit
>Applejack and Rainbow Dash join you shortly after
>AJ gallops up to you
>"Ahnon! Look what ah found!"
>She produces an apple and eats the whole thing
>Raise an eyebrow
Where did you find that?
>"In 'dangerous foreign fruits'. Can ya'll believe that?! Apples ain't dangerous!"
>She faints
>Stare at her on the floor
Think you can carry her, Rainbow?
>She sighs
>"Yeah, I got her."
>She hoists Applejack onto her back and you all exit the lab, making your way towards to stairwell
>Stuff Harold back into your shirt on the way up and pocket the vial of Sufferant
God, I hope this works.

31/?

>"I think... It's ready."
>You all stand around Twilight in the ruins of your bedroom
>The walls are still burnt black, and everything that wasn't nailed down upturned
>It took about an hour, but she finally managed to create a toxin so vile it actually hurts to look at
>You wince as the liquid bubbles, your eyes burning from the sight
>Twilight, her head encased in a little bubble, stirs the cauldron with a giant spoon that she stole from the kitchens while you were gone, along with the cauldron
>How, you're not sure
>She dips the vial into the liquid and brings it back up, firmly securing the cork at the top and wiping down the glass
>She then lets out a sigh of relief and hands it to you
>Weirdly enough, when inside the vial, the liquid is completely clear, like water.
>"There it is, Anon. A poison so powerful it could kill Celestia in a heartbeat. Now we just need to find a way to administer it"
We could poison her food?
>Harold clears his throat
>No seriously, how the hell does he keep doing that?
>"Actually, that won't work. She has food testers."
Fuck. Pour it in her drink?
>"Drink testers as well."
I could give it to her as a gift?
>"She also has gift testers"
God dammit. Then what do YOU recommend?!
>Harold is silent
>Actually, everyone is quiet
>They all slowly turn their heads to look at you
>Rainbow laughs nervously
>"Saaaay, Anon? Old buddy old pal?"
>Uh oh
>"Well... Terrag- I mean, uhh, Tickery kinda likes you... She might uh..."
>Rainbow stops talking, rubbing the back of her head awkwardly
>Rarity steps forward
>"What she's trying to say, darling, is that the princess is rather ah, 'smitten' by you."
>Gawp at her
>Harold speaks up
>"You even said that she wants you."
You can't all be serious
>Fluttershy pokes your leg
>Look down at her
>"Umm... I-is seducing overweight princesses your fetish?"

32/?

THIS IS EVERY FLAVOUR OF BULLSHIT UNDER THE SUN.
>"Don't be racist, Anon."
FUCK YOU, TWILIGHT.
>"Well no. You'll be 'fucking' her. Come on, it'll be easy! Just go in, say that you want to talk to her in private, put on the moves then slip her the poison!"
I'M NOT FUCKING A FAT CHICK
>"Not even to save your friends?"
ESPECIALLY NOT TO SAVE MY FRIENDS.
>You fume while the ponies try to persuade you
>Harold hovers next to your head
>"Put it this way, Anon. It'll be a tale to tell when you get back home!"
Even if I did do this, there's no way in hell I'm boning something that big.
>"You might not even have to bone her! Just get close enough to slip the poison down her throat! Hell, you're even bigger than she is! It'll be easy!"
This is bullshit.
>"Don't be racist."

>The next thing you know, you're outside the throne room doors.
>They promised you peace and quiet for the rest of your life and that they would never bring this up again if you did it.
>Plus they mentioned that if you did this, you would be free from this living hell and never have to worry about fucking an overweight alicorn ever again
>Glup and straighten your tie
>Push open the doors and stroll into the open hall that is the throne room
>The water features trickle gently and the frogs are still lazing about
>Terragranda, or "Tickery" is sat on her stone seat, the cushions underneath her almost completely hidden from view
>"Ahhh! My exotic friend! I knew you'd be back."
>She smiles and rubs her belly
>"They always are."
>Shudder
>Focus, Anon. This is where it gets ugly
>Walk up to the throne and stop at the steps leading up to it
Uhh, I just wanted to talk.
>She raises an eyebrow
In private.
>Her face stretches into a wide grin, and her eyes flash with hunger
>Gulp again
>"Sounds... Reasonable. Very well, follow me."
>She gets up off her throne and trots out a side door, motioning for you to follow her

33/?

>You follow her up a large staircase
>It goes on for a while, and all you can think about is how the fatpone before you can keep up the vigorous pace she's at
>You feel out of breath already
>Eventually you reach the top, and exit out into a luxurious room
>A huge bed, scented candles and lots of small red cushions dotted around greet you as you walk in
>Tickery walks over to the bed and lays down on it, beckoning with her hoof
>You reach up with a shaky hand and loosen your tie
>Sweat is forming on your head in anticipation of what you're about to do
>You slowly walk towards the bed, the alicorn upon it taking in your body the entire time
>She licks her lips
>"I've been waiting for this moment for a while now. I didn't think you'd take so long..."
>She giggles
>You reach the side of the bed and prepare to lie next to her
>She stops you as you lift your leg
>"Ah ah ah!"
>She motions to your clothes
>"Lose 'em, lover boy."
>You can hear your heart hammering against your chest, as if even it is in protest of what you're about to do
>Remove your tie, shirt, socks, shoes, and finally pants
>Tickery coos at the sight of you in underwear
>"Aaaaand lose them as well"
>She winks
>Fuck this world so hard
>Once you're completely naked, your 'partner' pats the area next to her
>Climb onto the bed and lie there, utterly rigid
>She traces a hoof up and down your chest
>"You're so tense! I'll loosen you up, dear..."
>She moves up and starts licking your face
>Her flat tongue leaves a trail of drool all over your cheek
>She follows it up by sloppily kissing you
>Not an inch of your face is left unmolested by her terrible kisses and pone-slobber
>Resist the urge to say "Eww" as loudly as you can
>Thankfully, your dick is on the same page as you and is currently trying to retreat further into your body
>The poor bastard won't be prepared for what's coming

34/?

>Tickery pulls back and pants heavily
>"Are you ready, lover?"
>HOLY SHIT. IDEA.
Wait, don't we need... Lube?
>She lies back and spreads her legs, revealing a soggy mess between her massive flanks
>You try not to choke
>"I'm already lubed up for you, baby. Ram it in there and make me scream."
>The smell hits your nostrils like a chlorine gas attack
>You can actually taste the smell
>And it's terrible.
>Like fish and dried hay.
>Roll over so that you are on top of her and start to think sexy thoughts in an effort to keep this going
>Your dick is having none of it
>"What's wrong?"
I, uhh, just a second.
>"Hmph. I didn't think this would be a problem. I AM the most beautiful creature here..."
>Yeah fucking right.
>"If you can't even get it up, then you can stop wasting my time. I'm a busy mare."
Oh FUCK THIS.
>"What?"
>Produce the vial
>"Where the hell did you get that?"
You don't wanna know
>Pop the cork and grab her face
>She starts struggling immediately
>A punch to the face dazes her, and her flailing legs threaten to knock you off, or worse, knock the vial
>But you ain't havin' none of that shit.
>You've come too far to fail
>You've had enough of this city
>AND YOU WANT TO GO HOME.
>Manhandle her face and shove the entire vial down her throat, slamming her lower jaw shut and holding her nostrils
>She swallows the entire vial, and looks up at you with a shocked face
>"H-how did you know that forced eating was my fetish?"
That's just gross, man.
>"I think I'm in love with y-"
>Her eyes roll back into her head and she starts frothing at the mouth
>You blink a few times
>Check her pulse
>Get off the bed and stand up, looking at the rigid alicorn on the bed
>You actually did it.

35/?

>You frown and shake your head
>Reach over and close her eyes, shut her mouth, and wipe her face of froth
>You stand in silence for a moment
You're at peace now, Tickery
>You look towards the door, and are shocked to see a stone wall staring back at you
>Not sandstone, though.
>Granite.
The hell?
>Spin around, the walls around you evaporating and being replaced with dark granite
What's going on?
>You look back at Tickery, and find that in her place, a small, plump unicorn with a grey coat and a green frizzy mane has taken her place
>You can hear water trickling somewhere
>The bed, furniture and cushions fade away, being replaced by cold, hard stone
>Finally, you look up at the ceiling, only to see a dark, stalegtite ridden cavern roof looming above
Where... Am I?
>"Anon? Anon is that you?"
>Your head snaps round
>Twilight and the rest of the gang are running up to you
>They look relieved
Uhh-
>"Anon! You did it! You saved us!"
Where the hell are we?
>"Harold said that this is the caves where it all started!"
Wait, the chaos magic caves?
>"Yup! Above us is the desert, and there should be an exit around here somewhere."
Woah woah woah, hold up. Where IS Harold?
>Twilight stops, and a sad look crosses her face
>She shares a glance with the rest of the group, then turns back to you
>"He never... Got a chance to say goodbye. You were hurried off so quickly that he forgot"
...Is he gone?
>Twilight sighs

36/?


>"He was part of the 'construct' for 2000 years, Anon. He was a part of it, just like any other travellers that got trapped there before us. We're the only ones that made it."
>You all look down at the pony on the cavern floor
>Her mane is a mess, but she looks peaceful
>"So that's her... The pony that started all this. It's strange, really. She looks almost... Happy."
>You kneel down and stroke her face
She ought to be. She's free from that nightmare.
>Stand back up and give the group a solemn look
So. Shall we head off then?
>"Are we just going to leave her here?"
I can't really think of a more fitting tomb.
>You all silently head for the cavern's exit, none of you saying a word.
>When you reach the mouth of the cavern and look out over the seemingly endless desert, you decide to speak up
I'm completely naked
>Fluttershy immediately pops wings and starts blushing
>Rainbow Dash starts laughing
>Pinkie starts prodding your junk and giggling
>Twilight smiles and shakes her head
>Rarity does nothing, because she's clearly above the rest
>You scowl and look out across the sea of sand and heat
I am going to beat the shit out of Celestia.

37/37
The End.