NTBN 2 [Getting Along]

NTBN 2 [Getting Along]

>The darkness around you gradually releases it’s grip, allowing the clarity of the world around you to return.
>You half expected to be dead from your fall, but all you are met with as you come to the waking world are LUNGS THAT ARE FUCKING EMPTY.
>Struggling to pick yourself up from lying on your back, you slowly regain your breath. Two for two on the weird, lung-emptying transportation, you guess. You just hope you won’t have to get used to being moved around like that.
>Making sure to take in your surroundings this time around, you are nowhere that you could have ever expected to be.
>You sit in the center of a room. The floor is a mangled, distorted arrangement of differing wooden planks. Though they join with each other at odd and intriguing angles, they all form a completely flat floor, roughly spiraling from the center outwards. The walls are a single color, but upon viewing each of the walls, they seem to be indistinct in what color they are. At any given moment, you can’t tell if they’re a dark purple or a crimson red, though you’re sure that they are one of those. The ceiling of the room matches perfectly with the style of the floor, although entirely unique in design. On the far wall of the room, is a large, glass window seated directly in its center. On the wall closest to you is a door, strangely positioned to be opened upside down… from the ceiling… Ok, whatever you guess… Either way, that is by no means the strangest part of the room. On the ceiling is also situated a couch with a coffee table in front of it. On the wall opposite of the window are two lounge chairs in either upper corner. The room is lit from an unknown source. When you attempt to find the source, you always find that it has moved out of your range of view, perfectly lighting whatever it might be that you’re looking at with a soft, warm glow.

>Hmm.
>You would be amazed at this room in any other circumstance, but given what you’ve witnessed in the past few hours - or at least that’s how long your internal clock is telling you it’s been since you’ve become a pony - this isn’t exactly surprising. In fact, if there is one thing about this house that you can say that you’re surprised at, it would be that there are no other rooms visible besides the one you sit in. There is of course the upside down door, but given the large window on it, you’re guessing that it’s a front door, and not one that would lead to another room.
>Thinking about it, if this is what the inside of this house looks like, then what about outside.
>Slowly, you clumsily make your way to the window. It would appear that you’re still a little dizzy from that whole transportation ordeal. Oh well, you’re sure it’ll go away in time.
>Once you reach the window, you struggle to reach high enough for you to get a good view thanks to your new height, but eventually you succeed by standing on your back two legs with the help of the wall.
>Outside is a swirling void of colors, or color, or whatever the fuck color the walls are. It’s like there is one color making up the void, but there is some strange way that it mixes even-
>You know what, it’s fucking stupid for you to even try to understand that retarded color.
>It looks crazy. There. You’ve comprehended it.

>More easily comprehended than the void itself is what populates it. Floating at every possible angle are islands populated by any variety of materials and objects. One of them is a perfect sphere of what appears to be blue salad, another just a little rock covered in toaster ovens, the last has a volcano which is spewing slices of dragonfruit on pizzas awaiting a delivery llama to take it on its way. You can only imagine what kind of islands exist outside of your view.
>Still leaning up against the wall, you notice something strange about it. It is almost like your body is being pulled toward it.
>Backing away from the window, you go to the adjacent section of wall. Putting your hoof up to it, you find that it is very much drawn toward it. Looking to the opposite side of the room, you see the chairs on the wall again.
>Maybe...
>You dash toward the wall, aiming for its center, between the chairs. At the last moment you step up onto it with great force, as if attempting to do a wall run.
>Well it was a cool idea, and it did what you expected, sticking you to the wall with a different gravity than normal, though you might have overdone it. You swiftly trip over yourself with the gravity switch, sending you reeling onto your face on the whatever-the-fuck-color paint.
>And fucking figures you put a gash in your head too. Don’t need diagnostics to know that. The drip of blood on the paint is enough.

>Picking yourself off the wall, you focus on the damaged area and will your body to mend the gash at an accelerated rate. As if they are ribbons, layers of tissue begin to stretch and cover over the damaged area, eventually mending it far enough for you to instantly grow back the missing fur in the area. You’re left breathing rather heavily afterwards. Even for as small a procedure it is, it comes at quite a cost. Still, being tired is better than having a fucking hole in your head.
>At that moment, there is a dull thud that resounds though the room. Checking your surroundings, you find Discord, now apparently passed out, sprawled out in an uncomfortable-looking position. He is decorated with a very fresh black eye, swollen enough that he could’ve just come out of a boxing match with Rocky Balboa. Not that you know who Rocky Balboa is, but you’ve seen his name before with enough context to know he was a boxer. Regardless of where he got that shiner, he definitely lost.
>You make your way up onto the ceiling, being more careful this time when switching surfaces.
>Getting close to him, you put a hoof on his goat leg.
>His energy feels the same as before, but more receded.
>Yup, he’s out cold.
>Knowing that, you figure that now will probably be your only chance to examine him thoroughly. At least you don’t think he’d let you when he’s awake. Or maybe he would. He’s fucking crazy, so who knows.
>Keeping your hoof on him, you take a moment to more deeply examine his energy. It’s nothing like you’ve ever experienced before. It feels like a hurricane at sea. No clear direction, or flow. Some waves are relatively calm compared to others, though everything is a total mess. Much like a hurricane, there is a small area that is peaceful inside.

>You pull your hoof off.
>This examination is getting too poetic for you.
>Even so, it might be a good idea to get a sample of [spoiler]DNA[/spoiler].
>He’s an entirely new species, undocumented in your archives. It could be useful to learn more about his physiology. But how to get a sample?
>Suddenly, something comes to you.
>If you are still able to sense energy in this body, then you should still be able to...
>Lifting your hoof and focusing on it, you command it to do your bidding.
>Before your very eyes, it morphs and shifts gradually into a paw, similar to that of a cat. Well, a big cat at your size.
>That pretty much confirms it for you. You’re definitely still a Tetran. Just in a different body.
>Back to your task though, you extend a single, razor-sharp claw from your remade appendage and carefully shave off a small section of the fur from his hooved leg. Carefully collecting the particulate, you put every last bit of it onto your tongue and swallow.
>That should keep it safe for later.
>Just as you allow your hoof to return to its original state, Discord shoots up from the couch with a growl, scaring you half to fucking death in the process.
>He seems to confusedly take in his surroundings before slumping back down to the couch with a grumble, a cowboy hat appearing with a flash to cover his face.
>He hasn’t seemed to notice you yet.
>You nudge his goat leg with your hoof.
>He practically drags the hat off of his face to glare at you with his eye that has miraculously healed. The hat disappears as it came: in a flash.
>”Oh, you’re here too. Wonderful. Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any better, it doesn’t.”
>The sarcasm is dripping from his words.
>Two can play at that game, especially after he scared you like that.
“Oh yeah, and I’m suuuurrreee you’re just the most likable chimera on this side of the planet. I bet everyone just LOVES to be around YOU.”

>He crosses his arms and turns up his chin.
>”I’ll have you know that I am a draconequus, not a filthy chimera. And to your second statement, you would be correct. Unlike you, my friends DO appreciate my company.”
>You quickly archive the name Draconequus. Best to be accurate when documenting these things.
>Also, you somehow very much doubt that this guy has any friends.
>”You know, it’s awfully rude for someone who’s gotten me into such a rotten situation to insult their host for the next decade.”
“What? I heard you talking with KK back there. You’re the one that signed that contract. How is that my fault?”
>He snorts at your question.
>”Had you have just declined the offer, none of this would have happened.”
“What the fuck are you on about? I would have DIED if I didn’t say yes!”
>”And what of it? It’s not like there was much for you anyways.”
>He waves his paw in the air, as if what he had just said was nothing more than irrelevant.
>Alright, that… That touched a nerve…
“Yeah? Well, if you wouldn’t have been fucking dumb enough to sign a contract without reading it, I wouldn’t have had to make that decision!”
>He sits up, now furious beyond belief.
>You know, now that you’ve said that, you begin to think fucking with a psychopath wizard dragon might not have been the best idea...
>”YOU LISTEN HERE! I DID READ IT! EVERY SINGLE PAGE FRONT AND BACK! I DON’T KNOW HOW THOSE RULES GOT INTO THERE, BUT IF I KNEW THAT SHE WOULD TAKE-”
>He cuts himself off, looking defeatedly into the distance.
>”...that she would take...”
>He collapses with depression back into his lying position, covering his face with his arm..
>”Oh what’s the point? I’m stuck with you for the next decade. No words or magic in the world can change that now.”

>Well…
>That worked out better than you thought it would…
>You have no idea what he was going to say, but he seems to have hit himself hard.
>Looks like he’s finally come to terms with his situation.
>Now would be a good time to take advantage of him being open to reality for once, and try to get off his bad side.
>You sigh.
>The prospect of being with this psycho for ten years is daunting to say the least, but if that’s the price that a new life comes at, then so be it.
“Y’know, I don’t really like you either, but if we’re gonna be stuck together for the next ten years then we should probably just get used to it and get acquainted.”
>He remains silent for a long moment before responding in a sigh.
>”I suppose... you are correct.”
>He drags himself off of the couch and onto his feet.
>”I’m Discord, Master of Chaos and Disharmony.”
>The words leave his mouth in a mumble.
>He unceremoniously puts his claws out to his sides, making a pathetic amount of confetti shoot out with an equally pathetic trumpeting to accentuate his patheticness. He then slowly slumps back down onto the couch.
>You suppose that now it would be your turn.
>Standing, you clear your throat.
“My name is Kallisti Flux, Tetran Exasite Second Class, Specialty: Biological Sciences.”
>You don’t know if you’ll ever get used to that new name, though it’s not like you can remember your last name anyways.
>At least you remember what you were in your past life.
>”Yes, well, if you must introduce yourself to someone that is not me, be sure to leave off all of that information that’s not your name. It will end up causing trouble for me and you.”
“And why is that?”

>Discord sighs again, annoyed, though not in any mood to put any effort into his actions.
>”Because, you’ll be blending in with ponies. I take it that you want to fit in as much as you can in this ‘new life’ of yours. If that is true, then you’ll leave everything about you being from a different world behind. Besides, I have a feeling that anypony figuring out your origins will be more trouble than it’s worth.”
>Hmm.
>He has a point. You’ve done blending in your whole life, and you assumed that it would be less important here, but if you’re going to live this life successfully then you’ll have to give it your all to be a pony. Besides, you’ve only been here for a few hours, so there’s no telling how anyone would react to something like you.
“Alright, that makes sense.”
>Discord lays back down before letting out a soft yawn.
>”Good, then in that case make yourself comfortable in your home for the foreseeable future or whatever it is you do. I’m going to sleep on this whole thing and see if I can’t come up with a way for this all to work.”
>The same cowboy hat from before appears over his face with a snap and a flash.
>Well, you suppose you’ve done all that was needed here, so you turn to-
>Wait.
“Hey, if I’m staying here, do I get my own room?”
>There is silence for a moment, before a mumble comes from beneath the hat.
>”I suppose that would be in order.”
>He snaps his talons, causing an average-looking door to appear on the wall between the two chairs, as to be able to walk into it from the floor.
>”Now leave me be.”
>And so you do.

>Within you bubbles excitement like you haven’t felt in a long time. You haven’t had your own room in so long. Even if this room is a broom closet, at least it’s somewhere to call your own for once.
>You’re still fairly dizzy, making it a challenge for you to tackle the strange gravity. Eventually, navigating yourself into the proper orientation, you take a lesson from unzipping your mouth earlier to twist the door handle and push it in.
>The room that lay before you leaves you speechless. The room is of a similar size to the last, maybe even a little bigger. The walls are the same whatever-the-fuck-color as the last room, but the floor is covered by a soft, grey carpet. All of the walls have windows in them, even the wall with the door, the window in which still somehow shows the deformed landscape outside. You Don’t even know how that works but it’s fucking cool! The only two pieces of furniture decorating the room are a large bed centered below the window on the wall opposite the door and a large, empty bookshelf on the wall adjacent to the door.
>You’ve never seen a bookshelf in real life before, only pictures in data packets back on Tetra. Perhaps in this world they still use books to store information. KK did have that large contract with her, so it is likely, though with how strange everything is so far, you still have no idea what the standard is yet. You’re very interested to find out now that you think of it.
>Besides that though, this room is fucking awesome!

>You run and jump onto the bed, which comforts you in a way that you haven’t felt in years.
>In fact, you are still a little tired from fixing the gash on your head and your dizziness is taking longer to subside than you expected, so maybe following in Discord’s footsteps wouldn’t be too bad of an idea at this point. But if you’re going to rest then you’re gonna have to figure out how to turn the omnipresent light in the room out.
>Pondering for a moment, you think of something. Discord has been making things appear that you’ve seen in the old data lines back on Tetra, so maybe this is kind of like one of those. So, knowing this, how do you turn out a light without a switch?
>At that moment something comes to you.
>You softly tap your hooves together twice, making a sort of clop-clop sound.
>To your surprise, the light actually goes out! You’re a fucking genius!
>That now being taken care of, you make yourself more comfortable than you ever have been in your life, and close your eyes.

>...
>..........
>Strange…
>You’re definitely in your resting state.
>You can see, or rather feel, the events of your time here so far pass by you.
>Usually your internal systems take care of sorting and managing information collected between rest states. They seem to still be doing what they need to, but it would appear that you have direct access to the information that your internal systems are moving around. It’s almost what you’d imagine a dream would be like, though you shouldn’t be capable of such things.
>Emotions and thoughts flood back to you as the events fly by.
>As you near the end of the daily events, something unusual strikes you as the last of the events passes. You quickly take control and manually skim back through each one. Soon enough, you pinpoint the event that is giving you such a strange feeling amongst all the others.
>It appears to be you healing the gash on your head. You look more closely for what is strange about the event.
>It appears to be…
>Huh…
>There’s something unusual there. Well this whole thing is unusual, but this is something foreign.
>You narrow in on the feeling, and it seemsa like it’s trying to convey something. It feels desperate.
>You would’ve delved deeper into that feeling if it wasn’t for you being ripped from your slumber by a familiar set of claws.
>As your eyes open, you find yourself in the grasp of Discord with his head up against yours. The joy in his eyes and on his face gives you reason to think that you shouldn’t be concerned, though this guy is a wild card. There’s no telling what he has in store at any moment.
>”I’ve got it!”

>He tosses you back to the bed, before snapping and gaining a cowboy outfit as well as a Nile Crocodile to ride on. He pulls two revolvers from the holsters at his sides and begins firing them off in the air as he rides in circles chanting “I’ve got it! I’ve got it!”
>Y’know, when this guy’s not being a psychotic dick, he’s actually pretty funny.
>He suddenly stops, and moves face to face with you, giving you what is presumably his best puppy eyes.
>Whatever, you’ll bite.
“So, what did you-“
>A disembodied paw of his appears beside you and pinches your lips closed.
>”Oh deary me, I thought you’d never ask!”
>He waves a talon to accentuate his fake surprise.
>The paw sealing your lips poofs away as the world around you begins to morph.
>You’re now seated in a lounge chair in a strange, distorted world, even more so than the last.

>The ground is a mismatch of any given terrain that you can imagine, and even some that you can’t imagine. Grass, rock, dirt, snow, ice cream, cotton candy, whatever the fuck candy canes are made of, chocolate in both liquid and solid, whatever-the-fuck colored fur, decorative carpets, chandeliers, leaves, fire, leaves on fire, fire on leaves (you don’t even fucking know either), and noodles topped with cheese to name a few. The landscape is populated by plastic straws, pink clouds raining chocolate, green clouds raining white chocolate, blue clouds made of concrete raining Hewlett-Packard printers that still kinda work, a bus embedded in a blue cloud with the words “Jackson Park” written on it, floating clocks with many more hands than two that move at imperceivable paces, and a few white clouds. Within each of the white clouds are images that captivate you. Each shows a version of Discord with a foal that looks similar to you in color and stature. Each Discord has a different expression and each foal has something that sets them apart from you. One is wearing a necklace, the other adorns a set of goggles, and yet another seems a little mentally deficient in your professional opinion. It’s all very strange.
>Other items populate the land, though, besides those you thought were of particular interest, you’ll sum it up to being a general clusterfuck of nonsense.
>Immediately in front of you is a plain table, making it stand out from the rest of the world. On the other side is a Discord that still has the same look of joy on his face.
>”I was dreaming, and in my dream I had the most wonderful vision!”
>From a distance, atop a hill of seashells, is a blinding light that encompases the land.
>A figure stands, blotting out the light in such a way to provide an elegant silhouette around it.

>”Diiiissssscoooorrrdddd...”
>A deep and echoing voice bellows, as if all around you.
>A clone of Discord peels away from the original to look in awe of the sight as the original still smiles at you from across the way.
>”What? Who are you? What do you want?”
>He goes to his knees.
>The figure descends from his peak as the light begins to fade away. It is revealed to be… another Discord. This time one that has very long, ragged hair flowing in the wind, as well as long, tattered garments. He carries two finely chiseled stone tablets in either claw.
>He speaks in a deep rumble as he draws near..
>”Discord, you have sought the answer to your troubles for the next ten years, and I have come to share with you these two-”
>He raises both stone slabs up to the sky ceremoniously, though apparently too quickly, as he fumbles with the one in his left hand before it falls to the ground and shatters into chunks.
>Both of them stare at the broken tablet for a while before looking back to each other. The original Discord across the table gives the tablet bearer a look of disappointment. The robed Discord is now sweating and his voice begins to waver a bit.
>”Uh...er...um...”
>The real Discord narrows his eyes.
>”ONE!” The robed Discord announces as he holds up the last tablet, “This ONE step to the salvation that you seek!”
>He tiptoes over the remains of the second tablet to hand the kneeling Discord the remaining one.
>As the kneeling Discord takes a hold of it, the other Discords disappear in a flash.
>The only remaining Discord turns back to you with blatant excitement plastered onto his face.
>”And do you know what that slab had written on it?”

>Well, this is all fucking wierd, but you’ll be damned if your gonna rain on his parade.
“What?”
>He goes to talk, but suddenly falls a little confused as he rubs his chin.
>”Well actually, all that was written on it was the recipe for a double cheese pan pizza...”
>He then rebounds with enthusiasm as he suddenly has a long, black, curly mustache and an apron..
>”But then, after years of learning how to bake and perfecting the recipe, I finally was able to taste it! After that and a couple hours of thinking, I came to the conclusion.”
>The mustache and apron disappear in a flash.
>”Just roll with it!”
>His smiles jubilantly once more as he lets out a sort of sound that you can only describe as a “squee”.
>The world returns to normal with a snap as you find yourself back on your bed.
>Heh…
>Still feels weird to think about having your own room with your own bed.
>Putting that aside, you inquire further about his revelation.
“And how exactly does that help us?”
>He chuckles.
>”Well, I don’t know about US, but it certainly does help ME. When I get to tell all of my friends about my exploits to rescue and adopt a young, orphaned colt from a deprived life in a distant land, I’ll be the talk of Equestria! Not to mention the seeds of confusion that it will sow amongst everypony as well. Hohohooo, this is going to be fun!”
>He taps his claws together with a nefarious grin.
>Imagine that, someone using you to get their way…
>Whatever, it’s the hand you’ve been dealt this time around and it’s still far better than the last.
>He suddenly perks up and moves his face unbearably close to yours.
>”From now on call me daddy-o!”
>He squishes his face against yours with a side hug.
“Uhhh, thanks but I think I’ll just go with Discord.”
>You push his face away from yours as to say ‘go fuck yourself’ in the nicest way you can.

>He pulls away and makes a ‘harumph’ sound while crossing his arms.
>”You’re really sucking all the fun out of this. I GUESS if you want to do that in private you can, but when we’re around others do try your best to at least call me ‘Dad’ so nopony gets too suspicious.”
>He stops and strokes his beard for a moment.
>”That being said...”
>He snaps, sending both of you to the main room of the house. You are now seated in front of the ceiling couch, on which Discord comfortably seats himself with a set of reading glasses adorning his face.
>”If things are to go off without a hitch, I’ll need to fill you in on some of the need-to-knows about this world before you go out there, so listen closely.”
>He pulls a piece of chalk from his nose as a blackboard appears next to him on the couch.
>He begins explaining a whole plethora of information, often using the blackboard to illustrate things that are important or that you don’t understand.

>Apparently the name of the place you’ll be staying in is called Equestria, a place primarily populated by ponies. Ponies consist of three races: pegasi that have wings and can fly, unicorns that have a horn and can use magic, and earth ponies that have neither a horn nor wings but possess great strength. There is apparently a fourth race called alicorns that have both a horn and wings, as well as being notably more powerful than a regular pony. Discord says that there are only four and a half and that you will meet them all in due time. There’s also the obvious question of KK and what the fuck is up with her seemingly able to use magic even though she is clearly an earth pony. Discord goes through an explanation that eventually loops back around to ‘go fuck yourself, she’s an exception as well as a few others’. And yes, apparently it’s called magic, not energy, in this world. He additionally advises you to not mention KK to anyone but him, as she is not “a model citizen” like he is. Moving back to the need-to-knows, there is also an important concept of one receiving a “cutiemark”, a symbol that appears on either flank when one figures out their true talent in life. It is a sort of rite of passage for young ponies from your understanding. He speaks more about some general terminology and what he calls “housekeeping points” about the story you two will be going with. At some point he stops talking, pulling his glasses down to give you a sort of librarian stare.
>”So, any questions?”
>Wait, what?
“Isn’t there anything else I need to know? Names of places or important peop-”
>You try to take into account what Discord has just taught you.
“...ponies? Anything at all?”

>Discord rolls his eyes with a smile as the glasses and blackboard disappear. He flies around you and arches over top of you, so that he can look face to face with you upside down.
>”There are, but what’s the fun if I tell you everything? I’ve told you what is necessary to blend in well enough for you to figure the rest out as you go. Besides, there’s too much information to teach you in one sitting. Best save the time and have some FUN along the way!”
>He flashes in front of you, now with a set of sunglasses on and a towel resting across his shoulders.
>You highly doubt that there’s too much information for you to take in. You’ve been archiving all of the information that he’s been giving you since he’s started talking. But, if you’re going to be honest with yourself, learning as you go would be far more effective and efficient than archiving everything.
>You don’t know if he’s telling the truth about him giving you everything you need, but he seems rather excited about his idea, so you don’t think that he would sabotage himself by lying to you on this.
>Plus, it’s not like you’re gonna convince him to tell you more anyways.
“If you say so then.”
>His glasses and towel disappear.
>”I do say so! And actually, we’re going to make a quick trip to visit a close friend of mine, as a little test of our lesson just now.”
>He magics a broomstick with a bull skull on the front into existence as he hops onto it.
>”Her name is Twilight, and I’m sure she’ll be more ecstatic to meet you than anypony else!”
>He grabs a hold of both horns and revs one like a bike, causing the tail end to flare to life with his motion.
>”Now, climb aboard and we’ll be off.”

>Well, you guess there’s no point in delaying any longer.
>You jump up and flop over the broom behind Discord, not having any better option to seat yourself on it.
>”Alrighty hold on tight. It’s my first time flying this thing and I’d hate for my new son to get tossed into the nebulous void.”
“Wait you wha-”
>Discord hits the gas and sends you and him zipping around the room at mach speed, making frequent sharp turns to barely avoid the walls of the room. Eventually he narrows his direction toward the front door and opens it with his magic, flying you both out over the whatever-the-fuck color void and past several of the floating islands before you are teleported away in a flash of blinding light.

>You rub your eyes as your vision is slowly returned to you.
>And of course you’re all types of fucking dizzy again.
>That fucker needs to find a better way to transport others. Well, at least you’re sitting down this time and not out of breath on your back or stomach.
>Didn’t think you’d need to wish for that to be honest, but you can manage.
>Now, where the fuck are you this time?
>You appear to be in some kind of hallway. The entire area seems to be made entirely of some kind of pink and purple crystal formation, opaque except for some thinner areas and decorations, which shine brilliantly under the lighting of the sconces lining the hall. On the floor is a maroon carpet that spans almost the entire width of the hallway, leaving only a little of the crystalline floor beneath visible. It stretches as far as you can see in either direction and turning with the hallway to keep going along an unknown path. The hallway is also lined with massive doors tall enough to fit well with the vast height of the hall itself. It’s all very grand in a sense.
>You are currently seated right outside of one of the doors. Looking around, you can’t find Discord anywhere.
>”GET BACK HERE!!!”
>A scream comes from the other side of the door as Discord phases right though the door itself with a book in hand. He smiles and gives you a ‘shhhhh’ and points back to the door before flying down the hallway at a breakneck pace.
>What is he pointing a-
>The door glows purple before flying open, smacking you directly in the face as you turn to look at it. You are knocked straight onto your back and whatever air that was left from your last breath leaves your lungs all in one go.
>why.jpg

>You struggle to catch your breath as a pony approaches and looks down at you panicked. She has lavender fur and a deep purple mane with a pink stripe running through it. She is a unicorn.
>”Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you were there, I was just trying to-”
>A familiar laughter comes from down the hall, drawing her attention away from you.
>”Spike! Come here and help this colt into the library, I’ll be right back.”
>She dashes out of your view, leaving you staring at the ceiling until another figure pops into your vision.
>A…
>Lizard?
>You’ll be fucked if you know.
>Its appearance isn’t registered in your archives anywhere so it must be a new species. A new purple lizard with green spines of some kind.
>”You okay?”
>New lizard species that can talk…
>Sure whatever. Note made. Moving on.
>You roll over and shakily get to your hooves and cough a few times, helping you regain your breath so that you can finally speak.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
>”Good. You took a pretty solid hit there. My name’s Spike.”
>He pats you on the back of the neck.
>”Here, follow me. Twilight said she’d meet us in the library.”
>He walks back into the door that opened, down another hall, but you hesitate. The idea of blindly following someone you don’t know in a foreign area doesn’t sit well with you. What if it’s a trick?
>He quickly notices you straggling.
>”Well, what are you waiting for? Come on.”
>You are a young child in this world according to what Discord told you, so you should be able to get away with some less thought through lies than in any other situation.
“I don’t know. I-I got lost in here, and I don’t want to get any more lost.”
>You put on your best impression of a scared child that you can.

>He walks back to you, now with a reassuring smile.
>”Trust me, I’ve lived here for a while now, and there’s no way I’d get lost.”
>You still are hesitant. All you WANT him to do is to get lost so you can try to find Discord and learn what’s going on.
>He finally reaches you and puts an arm around your neck.
>”Tell you what. Not only will I get us to the library safe and sound, but we just got some REALLY good cupcakes from Sugarcube Corner today, and I’ll give you one when we get there.”
>Hmmmm…
>You’ve only ever seen and heard of prepared foods and desserts. The closest thing you’ve ever had was bread, and that was when…
>…
>Nevermind...
>But the idea of being able to try some prepared foods piques your curiosity. Not only that, but now that he mentions it, you’re fucking starving. Not in the energy type of way either, more like the ‘my stomach is empty’ kind of way
>...
>Fuck...
>It’s not like Discord would bring you somewhere dangerous, right?
>You’re mind races to work out all of the details.
“Um...”
>He tightens his arm around you.
>”I’ll even throw in a glass of milk with it!”
>Oh fuck…
>Sweets WITH milk, the ultimate combination in irresponsible snacking…
>Or so you’ve heard...
>You’re internally sweating.
>Your stomach might as well be constantly growling.
“I’m still not sure…”
>He sighs.
>”You drive a hard bargain, but fine. Two cupcakes and a glass of milk, that’s my final offer!”
“DEAL!”
>He seems elated at your response, taking his arm off you as he jogs through the open door.
>”That’s the spirit! Now let’s hurry up, we don’t wanna keep the cupcakes waiting!”

>You, on the other hand, loath your decision the moment after you make it, but there was no other choice.
>Discord did bring you here to see someone, and supposedly Spike will take you to her.
>Even if you don’t like it, Discord is the only one you can trust, so you’ll have to go with whatever he’s got planned here.
>Knowing that, you might as well enjoy the prospect of some new foods along the way too.
>Seriously though, you’re fucking starving...
>You make haste to catch up to Spike and follow him down the halls and around bends and turns.
>As he leads you down the corridors, you do your best to internally map out what you see.
>It would seem that you’re in a rather large and complex structure, though still organized with a clear pattern dictating possible routes.
>At a point, you’re able to predict what you’ll see around the next corner in terms of architecture.
>Not that that particularly helps though, since you soon reach your destination.
>So, this guy really does know his way around.
>He pushes open the oversized set of doors to reveal a vast room.
>It stands higher than you could ever imagine a room. It is circular with bookcases embedded into the walls and packed to the brim with books on each one. Well, that answers your earlier question about the relevance of books. A few tables are scattered about the room with books stacked and opened on them in various assortments.
>Spike leads you directly to a table with relatively little on it and motions for you to have a seat, which you oblige to.
>”Wait right here. I’ll be back with the stuff.”
>He leaves the room, shutting the door behind him with a small thud.

>The sound of the door slowly fades, leaving the room in utter deafening silence.
>Well, it is a library after all, so you guess that’s not a bad thing.
>Some time passes in silence when you become curious about your surroundings. You shuffle your way over to one of the open books at the table you’re seated at and peer into the contents.
>Though the scribbles of some language are imprinted on the parchment, there is no way for you to discern what they may be trying to convey.
>.........
>The pictures are cool though!
>You shuffle back into your original position just as Spike enters the room, now with a cake box in hand, two large glasses of milk resting on top of it. Setting the box down on the table in front of you, he moves both glasses to the side and lifts the lid of the box, revealing the delectable treasure within.
>”Take your pick.”
>A dozen cupcakes, just as the prophecies have foretold! Each of them has its own color, from red to green to blue and even a rainbow one! Almost all of them are decorated with a fruit or food corresponding with the color.
>These aren’t any pussy sized cupcakes either, these are the real deal.
>Your eyes light up and you can’t help but beam at their glory.
>Spike must have seen though, because he waves a finger in your face.
>”Remember, only two, that was the deal.”
>He slides one glass of milk in front of you.
>You nod at him. You’re good for the deals you make. Which ones to choose though?
>You can imagine the luscious taste of those adorned by colorful fruits, but you can also picture yourself sinking your teeth into that rainbow one just to find out what it is.
>Your eye is eventually caught by one in the far corner.
>Chocolate.

>A chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing and what appears to be dark chocolate shavings decorating the top. Stuck into it is a sort of long, round wafer cookie, almost like a stick. But a chocolate stick nonetheless!
>You’ve always wondered what chocolate tastes like.
>You gently lift the selected cupcake out using your hooves, careful not to touch any others, before setting it in front of you.
>Now for the second one.
>Obviously you have to try the rainbow one just to know what it is.
>Just as carefully as the last, you lift the cupcake out and place it next to the chocolate one.
>”Phew!”
>Spike lets out a breath and wipes some sweat from his brow.
>You almost forgot he was there in your captivation.
>”I thought you were gonna pick my favorite.”
>He quickly snaches a blue one from the box. It is covered in what appears to be gemstones of some kind. Not particularly the most appealing one in the box to you.
>Without another moment’s hesitation, he takes a large bite out of his cupcake. You suppose that you should follow suit.
>Which one to start with though?
>Hmmm.
>You guess you’ll start with the rainbow one, since you’ve never seen anything like it before.
>It has no adornments, which only heightens your curiosity for what it tastes like.
>You pick it up in between your hooves and take a small bite, getting just enough icing and cake to know what you’re biting into.
>And…
>Hmm.
>You take a larger bite out of it to understand what you’re even tasting.
>It almost tastes like a whole lot of fruits at once. You guess that really shouldn’t surprise you since the theme of colors was pretty consistently fruit, but you were kinda expecting more from this. Something new and exciting.

>You’ve had way too much fruit in the past for you to really enjoy it as much as you want to. Being a frugivore sounds like a good idea at first glance, but after the 500th apple and the 6000th blueberry, it gets a little old. At least this cupcake has a wider range of fruits in it than what was readily available to you on Tetra.
>You finish it off with a couple more bites and take a couple of swigs of your milk, downing half of the glass in one go.
>It may not have been what you were looking for, but damn if it isn’t fucking good! No wonder humans used to like oral foods so much.
>Well, might as well move on to the other one.
>You take the chocolate cupcake and do the same as the last, getting just enough to know what you’re in for.
>This time…
>...
>Your eyes dilate and you quickly take a heaping bite from it.
>It’s…
>You want to cry, it's so good…
>You now understand what all of the references to chocolate on the old data lines meant.
>It’s all so clear to you now.
>You can die happy now that you have experienced it.
>You take a second bite, deeper into the center of the cupcake, revealing to your tastebuds that there is a FUCKING CREAMY, CHOCOLATE FILLED CENTER!
>gonnafuckingcum.jpg
>You finish off the cupcake more ravenously than any time you’ve truly been starving.
>At the end you are left with nary a crumb and the wafer stick, since you decided mid eating to save it for last. You’ve always wanted to try dipping a cookie in milk.
>Picking the wafer up, you examine it, and find it to actually be hollow with a thick layer of chocolate on the inside.
>...
>You look at the cookie.
>You look at the milk.
>You look at the cookie.
>You look at the milk.
>You look at Spike, who has long finished his snack and downed his milk.
>He smiles and nods to you, knowing what must come next.
>You have never seen this before…
>...but you also know what must be done…

>You stick the cookie into the milk and begin to drink through it like a straw, simply basking in your chocolatey milk ecstasy.
>You make sure not to rush on this one though.
>This is something you must savor.
>Spike must have noticed you slow down, as he takes the chance to propose a question to you.
>”So now that that’s out of the way, what’s your name?”
>You begrudgingly pull your lips away from the cookie straw for a moment to respond, though you ponder for a moment.
>Kallisti Flux is your full name now, but maybe just Flux would be better…
>Yeah, you’ll go with that. Kallisti is too fancy for your tastes anyways.
“Flux.”
>You quickly resume your milk drinking.
>”Flux huh? Well Flux, what did you come here for?”
>Well, might as well tell him what Discord told you.
“I’m here to see Twilight. My dad said he’s close friends with her and that she’d want to meet me.”
>”Really? Who’s your dad?”
“Well his name is-”
>The doors to the room burst into a purple glow as they fly open. The pony who you assume is Twilight walks through them with a book in her magic, her horn glowing with a furious purple light to match.
>So that’s what it looks like when they use magic. That’s pretty fucking cool!
>She appears to be drenched, her mane and tail drooping and water accumulating on the floor behind her.
>Her hooves beat hard on the floor as she makes her way over to you and Spike. Her words leave her mouth in an irritated mumble.
>”I’m here. Sorry it took so long.”
>You look at Spike, who is just as confused as you are.
>He bites the bullet and pops the question you both have.
>”Uh, what happened to you?”

>She perks up with a false smile on her face. As she speaks, her facade slowly disintegrates.
>”Who, me? Oh nothing! SOMEPONY just thought that they should take one of the most important books here, dump a bucket of mayonnaise on me when I catch up to him, and then dump me into a sea in the middle of Saddle Arabia to clean me off! Nothing at all!”
>By the time she reaches the end of her story she is full on furious, but with a deep breath she manages to calm herself down, though still clearly annoyed.
>She sighs deeply one last time before resuming speaking.
>”Nevermind. Anyways Spike, where were we with orga-“
>She looks at you with surprise, apparently not noticing you before. She quickly trots over to you, now talking in a worried voice.
>”Oh no! I’m so sorry! I forgot! I didn’t mean to hit you with the door! Are you okay?”
>You’re currently in the middle of finishing up the last of your milk. Now time for the best part.
>Slowly, you begin crunching down on the semi-soggy straw, enjoying it just as much as everything else.
>”Uh, hello?”
>She tries to get your attention, but to no avail.
>Luckily, Spike takes over for you, waving a hand at her.
>”Now that he’s had a few cupcakes and a glass of milk, I think he’s pretty over it.”
>And sure enough, you are. The door hitting you didn’t even really hurt, it just knocked the air out of you. Besides, it would have been impossible for her to have known you were there. You’re pretty certain if anyone is to blame it’s Discord.
>”Well, if you say so. Did he tell you why he’s here?”
>”He said that his father is good friends with you and that you would want to meet him.”
>”Really? I wasn’t expecting any friends to visit today.”
>She turns to you now.
>”If you don’t mind me asking, what is your father's name?”

>You finish chewing your cookie and let out a sigh of bliss.
>That was so fucking good.
>You do suppose that you should respond now that you’re done with that.
“Sure, his name is-“
>”I believe the father figure you’re looking for is right here!”
>Godammit can’t anyone let you finish sentences in this world?
>Discord appears, floating above the table in front of you with a flash. Twilight’s horn glows and a warm purple magic envelops you, feeling comforting like a blanket.
>From the moment that you feel the warmth around you, your body works on its own. Passively, you begin absorbing the magic that is now carrying you around and behind Twilight. By the time the action is complete, you have added a fair amount of energy to your reserves, though she doesn’t seem to notice anything. She must be fairly powerful.
>You might want to get that habit of yours under control though. According to what Discord told you, pretty much everything like that about you would be suspicious. You got lucky this time, best not try it again.
>Now that you’re behind her, Twilight takes up a defensive stance against Discord. Her tone is that of an irritated growl.
>”What do you want now Discord?”
>He waves a claw at her and lets out a ‘phh’.
>”Oh please! Are you really still upset about what happened? That was like 10 minutes ago! You really need to learn to lighten up sometimes you know.”
>He snaps into existence a giant balloon tied around Twilight’s torso, causing her to gradually float up. As she struggles to find some kind of footing, Discord swoops in below her and snatches you into his arm. He gives you a noogie.
>Yeah, pretending to be grateful to this guy is gonna be harder than you thought…
>You just put on your best smile and let him do the talking.
>”Besides, I already told you why I’m here! This little one that you’ve so kindly clobbered with a door and that Spike so generously fed is mine!”

>Twilight uses her magic to pop the balloon suspending her, allowing her to…
>Slow her descent with her wings…
>That you didn’t notice before…
>...
>You really need to pay more attention sometimes.
>She looks confused as she lands in front of you and Discord.
>”I still don’t understand. What are you trying to say?”
>Discord snaps, giving him a “#1 Dad” shirt and a foam finger to match. He is now announcing each word extravagantly.
>”You’re looking at the newest and greatest father in all of Equestria! Meet my new son Flux!”
>Fireworks and confetti launch off behind you with several whistles and bangs, causing you to slightly recoil with surprise in Discord’s grasp.
>Twilight’s jaw drops, as well as Spikes. They both stare in amazement. Whether at the spectacle behind you or the news itself, you are not sure.
>Spike is the first to recover, running over to both of you with a look of glee after Discord’s added flare dies down.
>”I’m so happy for you Discord! I knew Celestia told you to be more responsible, but I didn’t think you’d take it so seriously!”
>Discord gently sets you on the ground to his side and poofs the shirt and foam finger away.
>He’s almost as good at faking it as you are. First he treats you as an object, has a door slammed in your face, and now he’s your best pal, your dad.
>Well, for the ‘Master of Chaos’ you suppose that he should be good at it.
>”Of course I took it seriously! There’s no such thing as half-baked with yours truly! From fatherhood to O and O, I put my all into what I do!”
>Spike motions for Discord to bring his head closer to the ground, which Discord obliges to.
>He begins whispering into Discord’s ear, though you’re able to hear him perfectly fine.
>”It’s just… Are you sure that you’re ready for fatherhood? It just seems like a big step up for you.”

>Discord stands up straight and bellows his reply into the air.
>”Why of course I am! After so long of not being able to cause mischief in Canterlot and with so many seasons passing by with me being reformed, I began thinking about what the next step is for me. And after much consideration, I reached my answer!”
>Discord once more scoops you up into his arms and hugs you tightly.
>”I decided that it’s time for me to settle down and start a family!”
>Spike scratches his chin for a moment before returning to his smile.
>”Well, if you’re sure of it then I trust you.”
>He then turns to Twilight, who has remained stagnant since Discord broke the news, the same expression still sitting on her face.
>”But I think you might have some trouble convincing a certain princess otherwise.”
>Wait, she’s a princess?
>You take a moment to think about it, and sure enough, the title is certainly all too apt for her.
>Hitting you with a door then leaving you on the ground for her servant to clean up…
>Having this massive building that you can only imagine is a castle, probably to herself...
>And on top of that, she’s an alicorn. One of four and a half. A unique, priceless snowflake in the blizzard.
>She did act concerned for you, though you’re sure that’s a farce. Should you become inconvenient for her, you’re sure she would throw you under the bus at the first opportunity.
>There is now a certain bitterness that fills your being when you look at her.
>You had figured that things would be different here, but that particular variable seems to be constant.
>You should avoid her from now on.
>You’ve seen her kind...
>They’re all the same…

>Discord walks over to the motionless Twilight. He waves a paw in front of her eyes, being met by no reaction at all.
>”Well I can’t say that I’m surprised. In that case I think we’ll be on our way. We do have another stop before the day is up, but we’ll be back once all of the Twilighting is over.”
>Spike chuckles at his words.
>”Yeah, don’t blame ya. I don’t know how long it’ll last, but better go when you’ve got the chance. It was nice meeting you Flux!”
>He waves bye to you, which you reply to in kind.
“See y-”
>You are teleported from the room in a flash of white, still in Discord’s arms.
“Godammit Discord, can’t you let me finish one fucking sen-”
>He puts a paw up to your mouth.
>This motherfucker...
>”Shhhh.”
>He points down at the ground.
>You’re now floating above the room you were just in. Spike is walking over to Twilight, supposedly unaware of your presence.
>”The show is about to begin...”
>Discord slowly takes the paw from your lips as you watch on for what he’s talking about.
>Spike reaches the paralysed Twilight and pokes her in the side.
>”Twilight.”
>He pokes her again.
>”Twilight!”
>”He begins poking her more aggressively now.”
>”TWILIGHT!!!”
>He screams as loudly as he can directly into her ear.
>This finally wakes her from her coma, causing her to fall over onto her side before making a scrambling recovery.
>You and Discord have a little laugh.
>Alright, at least this asshole has a good sense of humor.
>”SPIKE! TAKEALETTERACTUALLYYOUKNOWWHATNEVERMINDTHATWILLTAKETOOLONGILLJUSTGOTHEREMYSELFILLBEBACKBYE!!!!”
>She suddenly disappears in a flash of bright purple light.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
>You burst out laughing at the panicked royalty.
>Nothing is sweeter than when that perfect little act falters.
>Discord too is having his own good time at her reaction.
>”Oh-hoho! That was a good one! I’ll have to add that to my scrapbook!”
>He poofs a book into his hands, opening it up and revealing the contents to be pictures that move as if they are screens. Each one highlights a moment of the princess, all of which seem to be of her panicking.
>You giggle at a few that you catch a glimpse of.
>Snapping his talons, a new picture appears on the selected page, memorialising the very moments that have just passed.
>You might have a hard time getting along with him, but at least you have one thing in common: sense of humor.
>He snaps the book away and wipes a tear from his eye.
>”Lucky for us, Spike doesn’t ask many questions, and the princess is too out of her wits to be a burden for what I have planned. Now then, for our second stop of the day!”
>He snaps once more, sending you somewhere else with a flash of light.

>Letting your eyes adjust, you seem to be just outside of a town.
>Dirt roads paved the way for vendor stalls and village style buildings to line either side. No stall nor building is the same. The streets are amply populated with ponies of all different colors and sizes.
>The sky is blue and everything in sight is full of life. It is all beyond what you can imagine.
>You suppose this is the place that Discord said where you would be spending a lot of your time.
>Speaking of Discord, this time he is standing right beside you as your vision clears.
>”This is Ponyville. As I said before, you’ll be here for most of your stay, if only because it’s conveniently close to home.”
>For someone who can snap his fingers and supposedly send you anywhere, you have no idea what the fuck he’s talking about, though you won’t bother questioning it.
>He bends down to your level.
>”I’ll be heading off to have some good old chaotic fun while Twilight is busy being herself. For the rest of the day, you can explore, or whatever. Just come home when you’re ready.”
>He prepares to snap off, but you catch him.
“Wait! How exactly am I supposed to get home from here? Don’t you live in another fucking world or something?”
>Discord strokes his beard for a moment while gazing into the distance. He mumbles to himself silently.
>”I guess it WOULD be rather burdensome for me to have to come and get you all the time...”
>He strokes his beard a few more times before looking at you and snapping his talons without a word.

>You feel some sort of magic near your right hoof.
>Inspecting it, there is now some sort of strange symbol imprinted on the bottom of it.
>The symbol is a circle with eight arrows pointing outward, begin only a slightly darker shade than that of your coat.
>Running diagnostics, you can tell that it’s just a different fur color, though it does seem to have a lingering amount of Discord’s magic. There is an attempt by your body to absorb the magic, though it seems impossible. It’s like it’s already a part of you somehow.
>Well, great to know that he’ll just make changes to physiology without your consent.
>”There, that should take care of my problem. Just put that hoof on whatever you want to send home and focus on that symbol. It should let you get back just fine.”
>He floats up and away from you, slithering down the streets before he suddenly makes his way back to you.
>”And one more thing. That will only take you back to my realm, so it’ll be a one way trip for you until I bring you back here again. That means don’t complain to me if you leave without doing whatever it is that you want. Alright?”
>You nod to him.
>He smiles.
>”Good! Ta-ta!”
>He snaps, sending himself somewhere unknown to you.
>You look down the busy street in front of you and take a deep breath.
>Alright, this is it.
>This time you’re really on your own.
>Don’t fuck it up Flux.
>Don’t fuck it up.