barz yo

never quite never like every light in the sky
wishin why can't i fly fall away any day, still i try
still i fight, can't tell why, better that i let it by
don't we die, don't we try, won't we find it's all a lie
never cry never try never fail and never mind
every rhyme every reason every time every treason
every season, every crime, every ease in every line,
get so high, get so fried, get so lost, get so defined
i feel the ride, healed inside, congealed in time
wait i'll try, hate my mind, can't quite find what i might
call a target, each hit misses the mark, yet not apart, it
beckons forth, small but i park it and try again, not yet departed
pullin back but nothing starts it, give me more or give me a market
till it runs and stuns my mind, finish what i started
diminish the star shit and experience the perfect hard hit
don't i know i make excuses? can't refuse the truces i'm sprucin up
but at the same time there's no recuse for me, conducive thus
the vibration  sensation, gyration within my inner sapience
maybe it's me being shameless, but more is met with no shame since
it opened the door and showed the way to attain this,
but i refrain since im afraid it might detain me within its
grasp, effervescent and permanent at last, more or less im at
my wit's end wondering what's with this mendacity, the perspicacity
and predilection to reflect? all it is is a hassle to me,
and id rather shut it off, though i can't quite avoid the tenacity
the audacity of apostasy, i renounce my views and dispatch with ease
any sense of apprehension i might have had before this moment,
many hints, the comprehension i find has given me atonement,
bemoan the truth, i suppose, but i must own it, no dethronement
ever since i opened my eyes and lived for just to hone this
perception; never felt so right to have been so wrong, all along
you only believe the thoughts to which you let yourself belong.

nothing quite is like it was before, never adorned,
im ever a whore for more and more, right up until im reborn
torn between two worlds, where i live and where i was sworn
to exist without this reliance, i mourn this new thorn
pricking at my soul and leaving it in a state i can't debate
but i can't wait to leave behind, so i can start a bit too late
i'll sabotage myself and defeat this fate, i'm lost while i wait
regardless; my only motivation to remove all the self hate
and slow down the synapses, im thinking i can begin to make
a new reality if i manifest the sensations that lie beneath
utilize them for the better gratification through clenched teeth
i grind away any day waiting for a better battle to be fought,
but i oughta hop off my box, get off from atop the lost
mountain of thought defining my existential decay and dismay
this way, come what may, some dumb thing will switch the tame
and break the mind to redefine itself with persistence,
and plenty of influence from these chemical assistants,
i remain receptive and ready to learn, steady to adjourn
the path that i have come to follow unto this sojourn
so i turn around and fall back down the hill, steady rolling
and screaming in vain while the world keeps holdin' on
i told you im gone, when i said it i meant it,
even if just for a moment between a moment, i spent it
experiencing eternity, embracing the eternally existent,
decaying into molecules and reforming, can i get a witness
can i get hit of this? can't i just get a bit witless?
in my defense it's my decision, so no sense in dismissing it
i'll keep doing as my mind demands, so goes the sentence
full commitment, i got willpower and i choose to rend it
in favor of experiencing this endless sentiment, it sent
itself from the universe to expose the reality, i present this
as nothing short of a complete reframing of my existence

ill strive to survive in a realm of the taboo,
derive some sort of pride in the hell i've passed through
and find my own heaven, who can tell me, what's the truth?
forsooth, only i can find the meaning within the mood,
condemned to repeat myself, im tearing apart the onus
to integrate some sense of responsibility; i con thus
not only myself but reality around me to fit my design
the only sense left a mere distortion of time,
non-existent as it is, i still find it to be all that waits
when wading through the murky depths of altered states
going on and on, forever repeating the path assigned
lest you or i take a moment and begin to redefine
but i'll focus on me, since that's all i really know
and i really gotta tell you, be it fast or be it slow
echoes of experience line the chasm of perception
and im gonna cause more to vibrate, my inception
of climbing and flying, finding that i'm dying,
and loving every minute of it; i can't help reminding
myself and reality that this is who i am, damned
if i don't be true to  my own self, i demand
the respect from my own mind that i could never quite get
and it obliges were i to placate and pacify it
placid thoughts awaiting to be risen with enough time
and enough neurochemicals surging down the line
if i slow it down enough, i can almost feel normal
like im coming across the reality one might say is formally
proven to be shared and the one within which we reside
even though i spend every moment of my life trying to decide
to just disappear from the bliss of sentience,
i must miss the fear that comes within the ignorance
but even in ignorance, there is utility to be found

all you gotta do is rethink things and turn it around
believe what you want and do what you must, i'd say
you're better off being truthful to yourself anyway
any day, any time, any rage that you might find,
any thought, any action, be it lost or getting traction
any world, any mind, anything you can conceive inside
any spot, any passion, many words revoke the rations
in perpetuity, im waiting to spend the words it threw to me,
exhume them from my mind and imbue them with acuity,
but they won't come if they aren't so properly exposed
to an acute flood of something to modulate the throes
through the blood and through the heart, flowing near and flowing far
through the body and to the mind, so the molecules were designed
by time and circumstance, defined by those who, perchance,
opined to invent, the novelty they sought is ever heavensent
so i hope you find some sort of sense within the rhymes i will have spit
and so i say, my mind is merely open with expressive intent
i never sit too still, the constant movement a reminder of my will
of the vibrations in my mind making my body just a shill
the meatbag is willing but all i want is to push it too far
and see just how much it can take without falling apart
marks and bruises everywhere, beautiful reminders of savoir faire
at least with regards to the self, can't help but notice the stares
im socially inept, but correct if i were to discuss it
i just express the things that other people are afraid to in public
no sense in avoiding judgment, it's gonna come anyway
so hence im toying above it, shit's only momentary they say
but i beckon my mind to rend forth more words,
and yet i find that it would prefer to remain unheard
for now, at least, until next time i begin
to feel the flow of existence shoot through a pen
it waxes and wanes, but it is most wont to resume
just what it takes to become lost in its tomb