Advertisement
PrincessApplejack

Thread 62: Stories 61-75

May 6th, 2015
412
0
Never
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
text 30.13 KB | None | 0 0
  1. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  2.  
  3. Non-canon
  4. >Pinkie
  5. "Bulk Biceps"
  6. ~~~~
  7. >Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter and it's been an oddly good amount of stories being made today! Now for our main guest...BULK BICEPS!!!
  8.  
  9. "YEEEAH!!!"
  10.  
  11. >Since you're here. Can you tell us the secret about flying with your tiny wings?
  12.  
  13. "YEEEAH!!!"
  14.  
  15. >Alright, that's the end of the show. I'm glad that you can.
  16.  
  17. "...huh?"
  18.  
  19. >YEEEAH!!!
  20. Bulk Biceps wakes up.
  21.  
  22. "Aw, I didn't get to tell ponies that Winners don't do drugs."
  23.  
  24. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  25.  
  26. >DT
  27. "Guards"
  28. 'Spike'
  29. ~~~~~
  30. >Alright maggots! I see a few new faces. Since I don't see Spike here, I'm going to be teaching you how to shoot! Equip your battle saddles and head down the range!
  31.  
  32. "Wait, we aren't going to go over safety?"
  33.  
  34. >Safety is for wusses. Are you a wuss?
  35.  
  36. "No ma'am!"
  37.  
  38. ~~later~~
  39. Spike shows up.
  40. 'Sorry I'm late. I got super delayed when......they're shooting...and hitting the targets.'
  41.  
  42. >That's right! You bet they are!
  43.  
  44. 'Wow, this is amazing. Normally it takes a while to get through safety.'
  45.  
  46. >I skipped safety.
  47.  
  48. 'What? But gun safety is important! I don't want friendly fire around here. It happens a lot.'
  49.  
  50. >But they're fine see? They're even hitting the targets now.
  51.  
  52. '...yeah, I guess that's true. Hard to argue the results. I guess feel free to join me and teach more often.'
  53.  
  54. >Consider it done.
  55.  
  56. 'I notice a few seem to be missing though.'
  57.  
  58. >Just natural selection, Spike.
  59.  
  60. ~~Before Spike arrived~~
  61. >I've loaded your battle saddles with explosives! If you're going to shoot, you need to shoot like your life depended on it, so if you hit something other than your target...you're going to have a bad time!
  62.  
  63. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  64.  
  65. >18
  66. “SA”
  67. 'Cadence'
  68. ~???~
  69. ~~~~~
  70.  
  71. Peace has long been one of the most sought after and desired states of any sentient species. The idea of living in a harmonious state with themselves and the world is what many spend lifetimes striving towards, knowing full well that very few if any have ever reached it. Any who have lived through conflict desire peace, in some form or another.
  72.  
  73. Occasionally, though, peace is the furthest thing from someone's mind. Sometimes, all they can think of is how amazing it would be if certain individuals caught on fire spontaneously and their only method of being put out was a massive pile of salt that hid several hungry rottweilers who's gums had been coated in bee venom.
  74.  
  75. Applejack Eighteen, normally one who strove for peace in the land she had called her home, fell squarely in the latter category.
  76.  
  77. Thankfully for the headache it would cause whatever medical professional in the area should it be made real, the newest addition to their budding military, Spitfire, had been placed in a guest-room near the barracks to sleep off the many, many injuries she had sustained diving down from the lower atmosphere and tackling someone into a snowbank.
  78.  
  79. She knew it was quite cruel to take joy in the fact she was placed into this room via a spectacular game of darts, wherein she played the part of the dart for dear Mane-Iac to toss, and the window played the part of the dartboard, but the changeling did not care. There was something just plain satisfying when she heard her whump against the wall opposite the window and sloooowly slide down the wall. Concussion?... One could hope.
  80.  
  81. Mane-Iac was not asked to apologize, of course. They felt like she deserved it after having her fun night ruined. In fact, Eighteen felt quite the kinship with her at that moment.
  82.  
  83. Now, if only she too could just laugh off it being ruined and swing around the outside of the castle, looking for something fun to do. That would be amazing.
  84.  
  85. But, alas, she would have to be content to sit there on the other end of the massive doors in the castle interior, slumped in shoulders, body and mind. Despite how tall she had felt not a few minutes ago, she had never felt so low as she did right this second.
  86.  
  87. >So... this was... a disaster.
  88.  
  89. Shining Armor's attempt at a sympathetic face was commendable. Despite this, it was heavily undermined by the bruises on his face, split lip and slight swelling in his left eye.
  90.  
  91. Apparently, being a Wonderbolt meant being able to brawl like a drunkard on half-price drinks night. Who knew.
  92.  
  93. “Yeah, this was pretty bad.”
  94.  
  95. And here she thought Applejack Prime was the Element of Honesty.
  96.  
  97. She wanted to cry, now more than she ever had in her entire life. She had planned everything, made backups, rolled with any complications, but it hadn't been enough. It was supposed to be perfect, it was supposed to be magical, it was supposed to finally have all of this make sense, real sense.
  98.  
  99. Was this a sign? That it wasn't ever going to make sense? That it wasn't magical? That this was nothing, and she should just accept it and move on? That any time she tried it was just going to pile on worse and worse events until she finally got the hint? What would happen if they tried again? Would the sky literally crack open and the horses of the apocalypse rush forth just to finally outright tell her to cut this shit out? Was this... was this just not going to happen? Should she just give up?
  100.  
  101. She had never felt so utterly miserable, useless and defeated. She would take a million days more in her old life serving the Hive than she would one more second like this. She hated, hated, hated it.
  102.  
  103. Maybe she should just give up.
  104.  
  105. 'Next time will be better.'
  106.  
  107. ...Next time.
  108.  
  109. She said next time.
  110.  
  111. She could not focus a single brain cell on the possibly naive optimism that followed, uncaring to that in the face of two simple words that had gripped into her chest and would not let go..
  112.  
  113.  
  114. Next time.
  115.  
  116. There was going to be a next time.
  117.  
  118. “So, there is a next time?”
  119.  
  120. Part of her thanked Shining for voicing the concern, part of her wanted to curse him for not letting her live in blissful ignorance to the possibility that 'next time' was a vague night out with no overly romantic connotations.
  121.  
  122. 'Well of course, Shiny. Unless this made you reconsider-'
  123.  
  124. “No no! Nothing like that, just... you know, checking. Need a unanimous vote.”
  125.  
  126. 'Oh, you silly.'
  127.  
  128. Was she smiling?
  129.  
  130. She couldn't tell, her mind had left her with nothing but static and the occasional sound of something popping.
  131.  
  132. She should probably have been more worried about that.
  133.  
  134. 'I'm going to bed, we'll talk about when we can schedule the next one later. Shiny, after you're done saying goodnight make sure you're wrapped up so it's not on the bed, those stains are awful! Night!'
  135.  
  136. “Goodnight, Sweetie. I'll be in bed soon.”
  137.  
  138. And then she just... walked off. Just walked off like this whole bundle of fireworks inside of a dumpster hadn't just rolled down the time that is this night. Not a care, not a worry. To be honest, it was inspiring, that she could just accept something like this and just roll off without it. She found herself almost... admiring her for that. No, admiring was the least she was feeling right now, that just did not fully describe it.
  139.  
  140. “So, hey! Some good news tonight!”
  141.  
  142. And in a flash, she was brought back, her roller coaster of devastation, uncertainty, falling excitement and after-shocks of fun had finally returned to the awkward, uneasy start from which it had come.
  143.  
  144. >Y-yeah... it is...
  145.  
  146. She had no sense of reference for this, for being alone with the one she loved the most after a disastrous first date. This seemed the thing of teen comedies, of things that would be cliché to most love stories.
  147.  
  148. Too bad they never once actually showed you how to handle that moment and make it come out positively and non-awkwardly, that would have actually been useful!
  149.  
  150.  
  151. >So... so this is still... happening?
  152.  
  153. Again, his smile was somewhat masked by his many, many bruises-and she really should get him a bandage or medical kit or something-but that it shone through at all was a very good sign.
  154.  
  155. “Looks like she's still... you know, on board. So if she's still okay with it...”
  156.  
  157. Okay, scratch that, she dared anyone to find a romcom where this already awkward moment included discussion of how his wife was still okay with going on disastrous dates with someone else, she just dared them.
  158.  
  159. “So... you know, we kind of got interrupted before.”
  160.  
  161. Oh, so THAT'S what a singing angel sounded like! She had always wondered!
  162.  
  163. “Think I was about to...”
  164.  
  165. And as he started to lean forwards, she once more felt that thrill, that explosive powerful intoxicating love seeping through her skin like the flames of a city-wide bomb dropped right on her head. Time slowed down once more as he neared her, and she prepared to at last get just a little-
  166.  
  167. SLAM!
  168.  
  169. ~I AM SO FUCKING DONE!~
  170.  
  171. “EIGHTEEN!”
  172.  
  173. ...Oh! So that's what a laughing devil sounded like, she had always wondered!
  174.  
  175. How odd, it sounded suspiciously like internal bleeding in her head!
  176.  
  177. And screaming.
  178.  
  179. ~Fuck! Don't stand in front of the fucking doors! There's several hundred feet of castle, why would you pick the ONE area I can't see you or see if you are there to avoid you! Don't you fucking blame this on-SWEET FUCKING IN THE HIVEMIND WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!?~
  180.  
  181. Oh, that voice.
  182.  
  183. That horrible, horrible voice.
  184.  
  185. It could only belong to one mare. One tall, annoying, shrill, selfish, pointy…
  186.  
  187. “Eighteen! Are you... what are you wearing?”
  188.  
  189. …Really really well dressed Queen.
  190.  
  191. She must be concussed and hallucinating, that had to be it. That was the only explanation for the sight of Chrysalis standing above her, decked out in what could only be called 'regal' attire. She looked like she was preparing to sweep Gala 3.0, and stood a decent chance of pulling it off.
  192.  
  193. ~No, my question first, what the fuck happened to you!? Did Cadence snap and beat the shit out of you!? Shiny, domestic violence is not okay, I don't care who she caught you in the bathroom with, EIGHTEEN!~
  194.  
  195. “It wasn't Cadence!”
  196.  
  197. ~Right, you would have been covered in hoof-polish otherwise. Who, I ask, was it? And follow up, do they have life insurance? I'm not even offering to kill them for you, I'm pretty sure I would have to take a number behind Twilight anyway. Offer for covert kills is on the table, though.~
  198.  
  199. “You're not killing anyone! Nobody is! Look, it's fine! It was an incident that got resolved to satisfaction on all sides!”
  200.  
  201. ~...Ohhhh. Damn, Eighteen, had no idea you were into the rough stuff. Glad everybody had fun, though, can't wait to see Caddy-~
  202.  
  203. “Chrysalis!”
  204.  
  205. ~Alright, alright, fuck!~
  206.  
  207. “Good!... Now, previous question, why are you dressed up like you just attended a royal fashion summit?”
  208.  
  209. ~Because I am way too fucking overdressed, apparently!~
  210.  
  211. “...are... are you covered in snow? You are! Did you fly here!? Where in Tartarus did you fly from!?”
  212.  
  213. ~Because no fucking way am I paying those train prices, they're vultures is what they are!~
  214.  
  215. “Where could you have possibly gone that would require a train looking like that!?”
  216.  
  217. ~I had a meeting with one of my changelings!~
  218.  
  219. “...Who?”
  220.  
  221. ~None of your business!~
  222.  
  223. “Alright, sorry!”
  224.  
  225. ~...Seriously, are you okay? You look like you just got ran over by a giant ball of Chitanias.~
  226.  
  227. “I'm fine. It all turned out fine in the end.”
  228.  
  229. ~Fine, whatever.~
  230.  
  231. Annoyance, now there's something Eighteen recognized! She knew it well!
  232.  
  233. ~...Did the date really go that bad?~
  234.  
  235. ...Oddly sympathetic tone. That... that was not something she knew so well.
  236.  
  237. “It uh... hit some snags.”
  238.  
  239. ~... meh, so long as Caddy's not done already- ~
  240.  
  241. “And she's not.”
  242.  
  243. ~ - then you're fine. And don't fucking stand in front of doors, I'm not trying to hit you... but I don't feel bad when I do.~
  244.  
  245. Her beautiful dress ruffled as she brushed past them, already marching with purpose towards... somewhere.
  246.  
  247. “Where are you going?”
  248.  
  249. ~Stop prying!~
  250.  
  251. “Just asking.”
  252.  
  253. ~Fucking Canterlot, I've got business.~
  254.  
  255. “Aren't you gonna fwoosh that off?”
  256.  
  257. There it was. A mis-step, a stumble, a bit of off kilter slow-down, and if she angled her head just right, Eighteen could swear she saw a blush on her.
  258.  
  259. “...Is... is that not a... holy shit that thing looks like it cost-”
  260.  
  261. Suddenly, out of the blue, the Queen froze, still as a statue.
  262.  
  263. “...Chrysalis? You okay? You-”
  264.  
  265. She spun tossing something at blinding speeds. Eighteen, who had been so very close to being back on her hooves, once more met familiar ground as a white piece of paper slapped her in the face. The force was nothing, the fear of it alone was plenty to make her jump back like a frightened rabbit and bonk her head into the door before falling.
  266.  
  267. ~HAH!~
  268.  
  269. Hello hatred, her old friend.
  270.  
  271. ~And don't fucking forget to write him back!~
  272.  
  273. With that, she continued on, towards the portal that would take her away.
  274.  
  275. “Eighteen? You okay?”
  276.  
  277. She cared not for his concern anymore. All she could focus on was the stinging in her head, and the fact the thing she now recognized to be an envelope smelled a lot like dirt and charcoal.
  278.  
  279. >...Think that's enough for me, thank you.
  280.  
  281. But the mystery of the blank parchment would have to wait, for soon she was whisked to her hooves by his powerful grip, and she could stand once again.
  282.  
  283. Deciding to give up at last and not tempt fate to bring pain upon her anymore for the sin of trying to be happy, she came to the conclusion that attempting to continue on would bring only more misery, and that she should probably just slink off to bed in defeat, and challenge the greater deity that clearly hated her no more.
  284.  
  285. She was going to crawl away, and let fate win this one.
  286.  
  287. “...Screw it.”
  288.  
  289. But fate, it seemed, had met its match.
  290.  
  291. He had moved so quickly she had barely even had time to process it, a flash of white that once more approached her face. But rather than the painful thing she was expecting, instead... she felt the magic.
  292.  
  293. His lips touched her only briefly. This was not the grand, spectacular, romantic kiss of the storybooks, this was not some impassioned flame that would send noble ladies fainting at the sight, this was a simple kiss.
  294.  
  295. And it it up her world.
  296.  
  297. ...Literally.
  298.  
  299. She could not control the magic that sparked and burned atop her horn, too consumed by the power that flowed through her like lava in her veins, before erupting from her top like an extinction level event to wipe the world clean. Green light lit up the room brighter than any sun, and it did not even come close to being a visual stand in for the feelings that rushed through her as she savored every nano-second.
  300.  
  301. When he left her, only half a second had passed, but to her it had felt like an eternity she had been lost in sheer, total bliss.
  302.  
  303. “You deserved that one.”
  304.  
  305. Her gape would have embarrassed her on any other day, in fact most days, but for her to give a care now was simply an impossibility.
  306.  
  307. “It'll get better, Eighteen.”
  308.  
  309. With that, he released her, watching with mirth as she struggled to stay standing.
  310.  
  311. “See you in the morning.”
  312.  
  313. Robotically, she nodded to him, swearing she could hear creaks and whirrs of servos beneath her neck as she did so. She watched as he turned away from her and began on his way, her attention drawn only to him... well, a certain part of him, but she was in a particular mood.
  314.  
  315. Only after he was long, long gone did she attempt to walk, and found her legs flopping about as she made her way to her personal room, deciding that pushing her luck with the bed would simply be too much.
  316.  
  317. She bumped into many things going down the hall, and did not care about a one of them. She flung her door open in a way that would make even Chrysalis proud, and then practically floated onto her bed amidst tiny buzzing from her wings.
  318.  
  319. She did not cover herself in her blanket, she did not need to. No, the stupid, joyous smile upon her face was a shining beacon to tell the world she was, at last... content.
  320.  
  321. She closed her eyes, and she dreamed of happy times she once more knew would come.
  322.  
  323. >...Best night ever...
  324.  
  325. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  326.  
  327. EPILOGUE
  328. >Cadence
  329. “???”
  330. ~~~~~
  331.  
  332. Time, for once, did not matter.
  333.  
  334. It was an hour later when he finally made his way back to the bed. Not that it mattered to her, she couldn't possibly have even attempted sleep if she tried. No, she was content just to pretend to snooze away as she felt his weight press down on the far end of their massive bed before he crawled over to her. Keeping up the illusion, she did not turn away from the wall her snout was pointed at, nor so much as shift when she felt his warmth wrap around her back, and a soft kiss on her cheek.
  335.  
  336. He bade her a quick goodnight before he settled in, and soon he went limp.
  337.  
  338. She did not know how long she waited until she decided he at last, was fully asleep, but the moment he began tossing and turning she knew she was in the clear again. Her eyes opened, immediately trailing to the window on her wall. Beyond, she could see Luna's moon, and the light it gave the room.
  339.  
  340. Sadly, it gave her no illumination on her current problem.
  341.  
  342. Her mind was spinning with thoughts, possibilities, headaches and heartaches. She hated herself, right then, more than anything.
  343.  
  344. For she had lied.
  345.  
  346. She had lied when she had told Eighteen that, what she did upon the podium, the words she spoke and the chance she gave, was what she would have done.
  347.  
  348. No, it was what SHOULD have done. It was what was right to have done. It was something she, in her profession of love, needed to have done.
  349.  
  350. But it wasn't what she would have done.
  351.  
  352. She had been mere moments away from standing up and telling Shining Armor to be rid of that mare. She had been so... bitter, angry, resentful that she had been so terrible to her Shiny and then had the nerve to ask anything of her. She wanted her kicked out, not let back in. She knew, without a question, that it was because it was him that she felt so strongly. It was because she did all that to HER Shiny that she did not care what she should have done.
  353.  
  354. And it was wrong.
  355.  
  356. ...But she didn't care.
  357.  
  358. That was the worst part, no matter how much she tried to tell herself she should care, she didn't. She couldn't make herself care.
  359.  
  360. It didn't really matter in the bigger picture, either.
  361.  
  362. She had never felt more guilty than the moment she realized the event she had the gall to say 'Thank you' for, when Poindexter arrived, had caused him so much hurt. She had never felt worse, though her rational mind knew it had no real connection, for she felt she was somehow responsible in some way. She hated herself for being happy he had broken it up, even if she was only happy for a moment.
  363.  
  364. ...Maybe that's why she hadn't moved when she watched them.
  365.  
  366. She had been hidden in the hallway, not having left like she had said, watching them, watching every moment.
  367.  
  368. And the question it had brought to her mind is why, even now, sleep was an impossibility.
  369.  
  370. She shifted, easily sliding from his limp grip, back arching as she curled upwards to look down upon him.
  371.  
  372. She had seen the light show, felt the power that had swept through the room. Did he even realize it? That magic, that light, was love? Did he even understand she was literally burning away love with that? That was not just any magic, he was literally burning off so much of his love.
  373.  
  374. Maybe too much...
  375.  
  376. >...Maybe... maybe I should check.
  377.  
  378. Of course he didn't think of it, why would he? He didn't think about it like that. He probably didn't even realize what was happening. It didn't matter to him, he was just so used to it between Chrysalis and Two and everyone else he wasn't even thinking of it. It was dangerous, who knows what his body could go through if he burned off too much? Who knows what would happen if a bit of careless contact did damage he did not intend?
  379.  
  380. But it shouldn't fall on him to look out for that, she was the princess of love, wasn't she?
  381.  
  382. She should probably check on that, just to be on the safe side.
  383.  
  384. >Just... just a quick peak.
  385.  
  386. All this time, her horn had not listened when she tried to call magic to it. After the shield break, she had been completely useless, not so much as a telekinesis spell to her name. Even when her husband was being bounced around, she could not bring it to bare.
  387.  
  388. And yet... she felt that familiar tingle once more. Once more she felt the heat welling up just above her temple, she felt that wondrous spark coursing through her mind.
  389.  
  390. Just a peak, she wouldn't even look that much. Just a quick glance to know he wasn't burning it away too much. It was vital, if he lost his strength he could not do his duties, he ran the risk of becoming a living zombie just as he had back at the wedding. Just a quick look, a glance really, just to make sure his levels were normal.
  391.  
  392. She just had to see it, just real quick-
  393.  
  394. “Hnk!”
  395.  
  396. Like a wild animal trapped in the headlights of an oncoming train, she froze, nothing more than the tiniest of glows at the very tip of her horn.
  397.  
  398. His sleepy, fluttering eyes looked up to her, barely a crack open to see. His brow furrowed, and for the briefest moment she felt a horror unlike any that had ever passed. Facing down a monster who could easily crush her with one swing was nothing to that drowsy, confused look.
  399.  
  400. When he let out a stiff yawn before flopping his foreleg over her, she still had not breathed.
  401.  
  402. “Honey, don't try your healing magic. I'm fine... just wait till you're better. Don't...”
  403.  
  404. He let out another wide, deep yawn before snuggling against her fur.
  405.  
  406. “I've got this one...”
  407.  
  408. Her heart beat so rapidly it might as well have been a drum beaten by a frantic child. Shockingly, this if anything lulled him back into a peaceful slumber, snoring away.
  409.  
  410. In the darkness, light cast only by moonlight and nothing else, she felt shame. She had never felt more ashamed of herself right then than ever before. No act she had ever done had come close to this, not even close.
  411.  
  412. She had almost looked at the love in his heart....
  413.  
  414. ...Because of course she did! She's the princess of love! Why, it was just instinctive, and it's not like she actually did look. She must just be tired, she reasoned, not thinking all that clearly. Oh, of course not, it's been a terrible night! She's just looking for the basic fixes, silly her! Why, it's what she would do for anyone else, that's all. Normally it would work just fine too, but oh, she supposed it was a bit inconsiderate, good thing she didn't look!
  415.  
  416. But really, her magic had fizzled out yet again! This really had become a problem, and it was interfering with her work. Clearly, she needed to get back into the game. The princess game! Back to being the prime princess of love!
  417.  
  418. >...I need to talk to Auntie Celestia.
  419.  
  420. The answer was as simple as it was desperate, repeating loudly in her mind to drown out the memory of what had just passed.
  421.  
  422. Yes, everything was going to be fine. She just needed to see Celestia. She would get back into her magic and be back on top in no time!
  423.  
  424. >I need to get better.
  425.  
  426. And she would! Celestia was the greatest in training in the world! She just needed to see her, and she would have all the answers, and this would be fine.
  427.  
  428. Yes, she convinced herself, this would be fine. She just needed to talk a bit, and everything would be fine.
  429.  
  430. >She'll know how... I'll get better...
  431.  
  432. Content, she lay her head down next to his, and moved into his embrace.
  433.  
  434. ...But sleep would not come.
  435.  
  436. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  437.  
  438. >CADENCE TRAINING MONTAGE INBOUND!
  439.  
  440. >~BE A MARE~
  441. >~We must be pretty as a blushing bride!~
  442. >~BE A MARE~
  443. >With all the beauty of a royal Empress!~
  444. >~BE A MARE~
  445. >~With all the love of of a raging fire!~
  446. >~Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!~
  447. >~Hoo-ah!~
  448.  
  449. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  450.  
  451. NC
  452. ~
  453. >LABULABUCANNON! EVERYONE FEEL LOVE!
  454.  
  455. "Man, I never noticed mom, but you are really hot."
  456.  
  457. 'Discord, are horny chaos alicorns your fetish?'
  458.  
  459. (CANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!!!)
  460.  
  461. >TOO FAR!
  462.  
  463. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  464.  
  465. OMAKE!
  466. Set during >>21975956
  467. {SA}
  468. ~Spitfire~
  469.  
  470. ~~~~~
  471. >WHY!? WHAT THE HECK DID SHE DO!?
  472.  
  473. "...Hrm...."
  474.  
  475. ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
  476.  
  477. {AY OH SPITTY! Wassup homesizzle!}
  478.  
  479. ~Eeeeyyy, mah buddy! What'chu up to?~
  480.  
  481. {Ahhh, hangin' and bangin'.}
  482.  
  483. ~What'chu talkin' bout? You ain't got nonna no tail in months, don't be lyin... though if ya' wanna fix that-~
  484.  
  485. {Nah, not today, gettin' my teeth cleaned. What 'bout you?}
  486.  
  487. ~Maaaare, this bitch be RIDIN mah ass like you did in the good old days!~
  488.  
  489. {For real? What'a bitch!}
  490.  
  491. ~You know it whitey!~
  492.  
  493. {...The fuck did you just say?}
  494.  
  495. ~I said you know it, Whitey!~
  496.  
  497. {...AH HEEEEEELLL NAAWWWW!}
  498.  
  499. ~What?~
  500.  
  501. {YOU DON'T BE USIN' THAT WORD! THAT'S OUR WORD! NOBODY EVER, NOT EVEN MAH BOO!}
  502.  
  503. ~Mare, fuck you! I say what I want!~
  504.  
  505. {How bout I break your fucking face!?}
  506.  
  507. ~BRING IT... WHITEY!~
  508.  
  509. {THAT'S IT!}
  510.  
  511. ~~~
  512.  
  513. "...No, that's silly, Shiny hates the dentist! And I totally have w word privileges!"
  514.  
  515. >...Why were they talking in front of a giant statue of Celestia poledancing?
  516.  
  517. "Where else would they do it?"
  518.  
  519. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  520.  
  521. OMAKE!
  522. >Spitfire
  523. "???"
  524. ~~~~
  525.  
  526. >...Huh. Well, you know? This could work out. I think this is going to be fine. And really, he's talking about craziness? Please, I'm from Canterlot, the capital of craziness. What the hell could they possibly do to.. to... a-are those green lights in the darkness?
  527.  
  528. "No."
  529.  
  530. >...Oh...
  531.  
  532. "..."
  533.  
  534. >...
  535.  
  536. "...Hurting Shining Armor was very... unwise..."
  537.  
  538. >...S-sorry?
  539.  
  540. "You will be... you will be..."
  541.  
  542. >........Are you stil there?
  543.  
  544. ....
  545.  
  546. >.......................................................................................................
  547.  
  548. "Yes."
  549.  
  550. >AHHHHHHHH
  551.  
  552. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  553.  
  554. Ncomake
  555. >Poindexter
  556. "???"
  557. ~~~
  558.  
  559. >Can't believe that asshole... all of those assholes! They're all jerks! Not my fault how I feel, I shouldn't have to-WHAT THE FUCK?!
  560.  
  561. "Sir?"
  562.  
  563. >HOW DID I GET UP HERE!?
  564.  
  565. "Sir, can you get down? Brooding on my roof is dangerous."
  566.  
  567. >NO SHIT!
  568.  
  569. "No, you're a normal pony, I don't think you get that-"
  570.  
  571. >AHHHHHHH
  572.  
  573. *SHATTER!*
  574.  
  575. "...Crystal is slippery..."
  576.  
  577. >MY SPINE!
  578.  
  579. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  580.  
  581. >Pinkie
  582. ???
  583. ~~~
  584. >Welcome to late night with Pinkie Pie! where everything's made up and the canon may not matter, our guest for tonight is-
  585.  
  586. Hello, Pinkie
  587.  
  588. >SWEET CELESTIA OF EQUESTRIA! NOT YOU!
  589.  
  590. We just wanted to have some time on the show. So how have you been?
  591.  
  592. >Well-
  593.  
  594. And that's all the time we have for tonight, folks!
  595.  
  596. And pinkie wakes up in a cold sweat
  597.  
  598. >ARGH!
  599.  
  600. "Another dream where the fourth wall broke you?"
  601.  
  602. >Uh huh... Shiny, can I sleep with you and everyone else on the planet tonight?
  603.  
  604. "...Ehhh, I think you can squeeze in between Twilight, Sombra, Big Mac, and your parents."
  605.  
  606. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  607.  
  608. NCOMAKE!
  609. >Chitania
  610. "Prostitute"
  611. ~~~~
  612.  
  613. >...Who did you have to blow for this?
  614.  
  615. "Do you really want to know?"
  616.  
  617. >...Nope.
  618.  
  619. *Sip*
  620.  
  621. >This is some damn fine coffee.
  622.  
  623. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  624.  
  625. OMAKE!!!
  626. >Sunset
  627. "Guard"
  628. ~~~~~
  629.  
  630. >WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK!?
  631.  
  632. "Miss? You have been doing that for hours, I am not paid enough for this shit."
  633.  
  634. >THERE IS SO MUCH BULLSHIT AROUND HERE!
  635.  
  636. "...You have nooo idea."
  637.  
  638. >ALIENS!
  639.  
  640. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  641.  
  642. Omake!
  643. >Sunset Shimmer
  644. „Applejack“
  645.  
  646. ~~~~~~~~~~
  647. >I used to live here. Equestria was my home. What the hell happened? What'd you do?
  648.  
  649. „Don'tcha look at me. Place was broken from the start. Blame Cele-“
  650.  
  651. >DON'T YOU DARE!
  652.  
  653. „...“
  654.  
  655. >...
  656.  
  657. „Ah see how it is.“
  658.  
  659. >W-well, the place was functional SOMEHOW back when I was here and it was only the Princess running the show.
  660.  
  661. „Yah. But by now we got-“
  662.  
  663. >An overly complex bureaucracy understood only by a selected few, a stagnation of security forces, non-registered, privately owned artificial ponies, magical, weaponizable infusions, former invaders unattended all over the country... and still no fence.
  664.  
  665. „...saddest thing is how right you are 'bout that. And stop interruptin' m-“
  666.  
  667. >I blame you.
  668.  
  669. „AH'LL BUCK YER SASSY ASS TA NEXT WEEK!“
  670.  
  671. >Immature.
  672.  
  673. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  674.  
  675. OMAKE!
  676. >Maud
  677. "Shining Armor
  678. ~~~~~~~~~~
  679.  
  680. >*crunch*
  681.  
  682. "I hope you aren't mad at me for making you wait."
  683.  
  684. >*crunch* *crunch crunch*
  685.  
  686. "You see, things keep cropping up left and right, I am a busy stallion. Emperor, see? Well. Prince. But technical emperor.
  687.  
  688. >*cruuunch*
  689.  
  690. "I-I'll be available soon."
  691.  
  692. >*CRACK!*
  693.  
  694. "Please stop stop eating my castle...?"
  695.  
  696. >No.
  697.  
  698. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  699.  
  700.  
  701. Non-Canon Pinkie Preview
  702.  
  703. >Pinkie
  704. ~~~~~
  705. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9tIn4aCn_U
  706. >That was one heck of a date! Sunset Shimmer makes her appearance! Is my sister going to eat the entire Crystal Empire?
  707. >Blueblood gets in tense situation when Arana and PJ get in the same room. Vekir and 32 catch up. Spike discovers that there's still a tank division. Since the Rainbolts are the official Crystal Empire airforce, the get trained under Spitfire! Find out what happens next time in thread 63:Number of Threads Before it Died is...and of course Bacon Fanservice!
  708.  
  709. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement