Beautiful Boy (2018)

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1
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♪♪

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[wind blowing, waves lapping]

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[voice-over]
So, this is for, uh,

4
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"New York Times Magazine"?

5
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- No. I'm sorry, that...

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there...

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mm... no, I freelance.

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I write for
different magazines,

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but this is a personal matter.

10
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- A personal matter?

11
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- Yes, I'm sorry. Is that okay?

12
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- No, it's absolutely okay.

13
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May I ask what-what this
is regarding and...?

14
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- Uh, it's about my son.

15
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- Okay. How can I help?

16
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[exhales]
- He...

17
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There are moments
that I look at him,

18
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this kid that I raised,

19
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who I thought I knew
inside and out,

20
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and I wonder who he is.

21
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He's been doing all
sorts of drugs,

22
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but he's addicted
to crystal meth,

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which seems, uh, to be
the worst of all of 'em.

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And I guess I'm here

25
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because I just want to know...

26
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all that I can about...

27
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all of it.

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Know your enemies, right?

29
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So...

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[sighs]

31
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My two big questions are,

32
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wh-what is it doing to him,

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and what can I do to help him?

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[crickets chirping]

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[shoes wiping on mat]

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[footsteps approaching]

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[door opens]

38
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[light switch clicks]

39
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[David sighs]

40
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[crickets chirping]

41
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[crickets chirping]

42
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[line ringing]

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[Man] Marin General
Hospital. How may I help you?

44
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[David] Hi.
My son has gone missing,

45
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and I wanted to check
to see if he had...

46
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uh, maybe had been brought in

47
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or-or if-if there'd
been an accident.

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- Can I have name and
description, sir?

49
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Nicolas Sheff.

50
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S-H-E-F-F.

51
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He is...

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18 years old.

53
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He is just over six feet tall.

54
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About 130 pounds.

55
00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:04,679
Maybe less. I-I
don't know. Um...

56
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He has shoulder-length
brown hair

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and green eyes.

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[Man] Thank you.
Please hold.

59
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[David]
Okay.

60
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- Mr. Sheff?
- Yes.

61
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Uh, there's no one
by that name, sir.

62
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Okay. Thank you.

63
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[beep]

64
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[crickets chirping]

65
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[crickets chirping]

66
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[David] He's
been gone for two days.

67
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[Vicky] What
do you mean he's gone?

68
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- What's going on?
- I don't know.

69
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- I don't know.
- Two days?

70
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Why didn't you tell me sooner?

71
00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,079
Uh, I didn't want to
worry you, I guess.

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- I just...
- I'm his mother, David.

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Didn't you see this coming?

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00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:17,668
Uh, no.

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[Vicky] What?

76
00:05:19,003 --> 00:05:20,755
No, no, I didn't see it coming.

77
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If I'd seen it coming, I
would've done something.

78
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[Vicky] It was just a
question, David. Jesus.

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I haven't been talking
with him a lot lately.

80
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Well, maybe that's why you
shouldn't be giving me advice

81
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in parenting, right?

82
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Fuck, Vicki.

83
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Can we just not blame each
other right now? That's...

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[Vicky] Who's blaming who here?

85
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If I hardly ever see him,
it's because he's supposed

86
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to come to L.A.
for the holidays

87
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but always finds a
reason not to come.

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Well, that's not
my fault, is it?

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[birds chirping]

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♪♪

91
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[David] Nic.

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[baby fussing]

93
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Here's your little brother.

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Tight.

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Just support his head.

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[whispering]

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[crying]

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[Nic and David laugh]

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Hi, Jasper.

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- Hi, little boy.
[fussing]

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This is amazing.

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♪♪

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[laughs] He's sticking
his tongue out.

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[laughing]

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Hi. Nice to meet you.

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- Bye.
- Bye.

107
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- I'll miss you this summer.
- Me, too.

108
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- Okay, write me.
- Write me back.

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Work on your French.

110
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- Oui, madame.
[chuckles]

111
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Have a great summer.

112
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And say hi to your mom.

113
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- Everything.
- Everything.

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[engine whirring]

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♪♪

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♪♪

117
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[Daisy squealing]

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[dog barking]

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[Jasper] Ya!

120
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Come on.

121
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[Daisy and Jasper
chattering in distance]

122
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[indistinct chatter and
laughter in distance]

123
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[quietly] Hey.

124
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Where have you been?

125
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Yeah, I just need to sleep,
all right?

126
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What have you been doing?

127
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I just need to sleep, all
right? Leave me alone.

128
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Guys, go downstairs.

129
00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:03,435
I'll be there in a minute.

130
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[birds chirping]

131
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[retching]

132
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[coughing]

133
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Ow.

134
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Look, Man, I'm-I'm, uh...
[sighs]

135
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I'm really sorry, all
right? And-and I, uh...

136
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I fucked up, and it
was a mistake, but...

137
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it was a one-time mistake, all
right? I learned my lesson.

138
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I don't want to go through this
shit again, all right? So...

139
00:10:01,952 --> 00:10:03,072
- Let's just go inside.
- No.

140
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,288
They're professionals.

141
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Let's just listen to
what they have to say.

142
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Look, I'm 18, all right?!
You can't force me!

143
00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:10,085
Hey.

144
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This got out of hand, right?

145
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Don't you think?

146
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Come on.

147
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All right.

148
00:10:24,516 --> 00:10:28,229
Okay. Okay.

149
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I'm doing it for you.

150
00:10:42,493 --> 00:10:44,870
[indistinct chatter]

151
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[siren wailing in distance]

152
00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:04,473
He needs treatment. And fast.

153
00:11:04,556 --> 00:11:07,184
There's still a lot of
drugs in his system.

154
00:11:07,268 --> 00:11:10,354
And, worst of all,
he's in denial.

155
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Um, can you help him?

156
00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:16,110
[Therapist] Oh, yeah. I mean,

157
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a lot of the people here
are not here by choice.

158
00:11:19,196 --> 00:11:21,490
And they have just as
much chance as anybody.

159
00:11:21,573 --> 00:11:23,492
Okay. [clears throat]

160
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- So, we have a free bed.

161
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:28,497
So, if you want, we can check
him in for a 28-day treatment

162
00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,332
and then we evaluate.

163
00:11:32,042 --> 00:11:35,296
Um... what is your success rate?

164
00:11:35,379 --> 00:11:37,548
- On the high end, 80%.

165
00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:41,510
On the low end, 25%.

166
00:11:41,593 --> 00:11:44,471
Look, he will have
daily consultations

167
00:11:44,555 --> 00:11:46,724
with a staff psychiatrist
and physician.

168
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:50,686
We have daily N.A.
and A.A. meetings.

169
00:11:50,769 --> 00:11:53,105
He'll be monitored
very closely.

170
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Thank you.

171
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And last page.

172
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Everything.

173
00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,995
[whispers]:
Everything.

174
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[indistinct chatter]

175
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♪♪

176
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[David] Why are
you always in this room?

177
00:12:56,377 --> 00:12:58,504
You hardly ever
come out of here.

178
00:12:58,587 --> 00:13:00,255
It's like you're a vampire.

179
00:13:01,965 --> 00:13:04,385
I read.

180
00:13:04,468 --> 00:13:06,970
I draw.

181
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:09,556
You know what we should do?

182
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,600
We should go surfing.

183
00:13:11,683 --> 00:13:13,394
Yeah.

184
00:13:13,477 --> 00:13:15,270
That sound good?

185
00:13:15,354 --> 00:13:17,981
I'm kind of into other
things now, you know?

186
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:21,735
Reading misanthropes and
seriously depressed writers.

187
00:13:21,819 --> 00:13:23,278
Oh, come on, they're...

188
00:13:23,362 --> 00:13:25,072
they're kind of
great, though, right?

189
00:13:25,155 --> 00:13:26,155
I get it.

190
00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:30,619
It'll pass, though.

191
00:13:30,702 --> 00:13:32,579
It always does.

192
00:13:32,663 --> 00:13:34,540
What does?

193
00:13:34,623 --> 00:13:38,836
The feeling of being
alienated and isolated.

194
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,754
Huh, that really helps.

195
00:13:40,838 --> 00:13:42,798
Thanks for the advice, Dad.

196
00:13:43,882 --> 00:13:45,843
Okay.

197
00:13:46,969 --> 00:13:49,304
All right. That was...

198
00:13:49,388 --> 00:13:50,848
That came out wrong. I'm sorry.

199
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:53,267
Mm-mm.

200
00:14:02,192 --> 00:14:04,653
NIC: All right.
Your-your idea.

201
00:14:04,736 --> 00:14:06,738
Hey.

202
00:14:08,490 --> 00:14:10,701
[whispers]
Hey, Dad.

203
00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:13,871
[Man] So, we feel
he's made great progress.

204
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:16,081
- Right, Nic?
- Hi. -Hey.

205
00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:17,875
[Karen] That's great.
[David] That's great.

206
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,978
- So we should maybe talk
about the coming weeks, Nic.

207
00:14:20,002 --> 00:14:22,463
Mm. I think I need
to... I think I need

208
00:14:22,546 --> 00:14:24,631
a little bit more time
in rehab. So if it's...

209
00:14:24,715 --> 00:14:26,967
if it's all right with
you guys, I was wondering

210
00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:28,653
if I could stay in the
halfway house here.

211
00:14:28,677 --> 00:14:33,098
- The halfway house is
an open living facility

212
00:14:33,182 --> 00:14:35,100
with follow-up every night,

213
00:14:35,184 --> 00:14:38,562
and we would help
him find a job.

214
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,689
Right. I don't want to...

215
00:14:40,772 --> 00:14:45,777
go to college... right now.

216
00:14:45,861 --> 00:14:48,739
- Oh? Okay. Uh,
um, and do what?

217
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:52,284
I think I need to
be independent.

218
00:14:54,786 --> 00:14:57,372
Dad, I'm telling
you, this is...

219
00:14:59,416 --> 00:15:02,586
It's gonna be good.

220
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:03,587
[David] What is he gonna do,

221
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,547
make coffee for the
rest of his life?

222
00:15:05,631 --> 00:15:06,983
[Karen] You know
what, Frederick told me

223
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,443
that they have friends
that had a son

224
00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:10,445
that did a four-week program
and that wasn't enough

225
00:15:10,469 --> 00:15:12,346
and now he's doing
a year program.

226
00:15:12,429 --> 00:15:14,269
I wish you wouldn't talk
to everybody about it.

227
00:15:17,142 --> 00:15:19,311
What does that got
to do with anything?

228
00:15:19,394 --> 00:15:20,938
To protect Nic. I
mean, at some point,

229
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,814
he's gonna want to
get on with his life.

230
00:15:22,898 --> 00:15:24,792
And maybe it's best that not
everybody knows about this.

231
00:15:24,816 --> 00:15:26,109
Okay.

232
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,572
Can we not make this about me?

233
00:15:30,656 --> 00:15:32,074
Uh... [sighs]
All right.

234
00:15:32,157 --> 00:15:33,343
Look, Nic needs some more time.

235
00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:37,454
And that's fine.

236
00:15:37,538 --> 00:15:38,455
- Okay?
- Okay.

237
00:15:38,539 --> 00:15:39,414
Okay?

238
00:15:39,498 --> 00:15:41,375
Yeah, okay.

239
00:15:41,458 --> 00:15:46,046
[children shouting indistinctly]

240
00:15:46,129 --> 00:15:48,215
[phone ringing]
[dog barking]

241
00:15:48,298 --> 00:15:49,466
Shh.

242
00:15:49,550 --> 00:15:52,010
[dog continues barking]

243
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:55,764
David Sheff.

244
00:15:55,847 --> 00:15:56,908
[Woman on phone]
Hi, Mr. Sheff.

245
00:15:56,932 --> 00:15:59,226
This is Annie Goldblum
from the Ohlhoff Center.

246
00:15:59,309 --> 00:16:00,978
Oh, yes. Hi. Hello.

247
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,729
[Annie] Listen, I am
sorry to disturb you,

248
00:16:02,813 --> 00:16:05,899
but I need to inform
you about Nic.

249
00:16:05,983 --> 00:16:08,151
Okay.

250
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,737
- He left the facility
today during free time,

251
00:16:10,821 --> 00:16:13,532
and he hasn't returned since.

252
00:16:13,615 --> 00:16:14,908
[sighs]

253
00:16:14,992 --> 00:16:16,243
- I'm sorry, Mr. Sheff,

254
00:16:16,326 --> 00:16:17,828
but please don't despair.

255
00:16:17,911 --> 00:16:19,997
This happens.

256
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,331
[sighs]

257
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:24,918
But I... I thought you said
he was doing so well.

258
00:16:25,002 --> 00:16:28,589
- You should think of this
as part of the process.

259
00:16:28,672 --> 00:16:31,300
Relapse is a part of recovery.

260
00:16:31,383 --> 00:16:33,135
Relapse is part of recovery?

261
00:16:33,218 --> 00:16:35,554
Yeah. It-it's a part of
Nic's learning process.

262
00:16:35,637 --> 00:16:37,931
Well, uh, that's...

263
00:16:38,015 --> 00:16:41,518
that's like saying crashing
is part of pilot training.

264
00:16:41,602 --> 00:16:44,688
- Look, he'll be back, and
probably really quick.

265
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,499
[scoffs] Do you have somebody
out looking for him?

266
00:16:46,523 --> 00:16:47,858
- It is not our responsibility

267
00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:49,484
once he leaves the facility.

268
00:16:49,568 --> 00:16:51,320
- Okay.
- But he is welcome to...

269
00:16:51,403 --> 00:16:53,113
[phone beeps]

270
00:16:53,196 --> 00:16:56,158
["Territorial Pissings"
by Nirvana playing]

271
00:17:04,916 --> 00:17:07,002
♪ When I was ♪

272
00:17:07,085 --> 00:17:10,005
[young Nic singing along]
♪ An alien ♪

273
00:17:10,088 --> 00:17:15,260
♪ Cultures weren't opinions ♪

274
00:17:15,344 --> 00:17:17,554
♪ Gotta find a way,
to find a way ♪

275
00:17:17,638 --> 00:17:20,140
♪ When I'm there ♪

276
00:17:20,223 --> 00:17:22,809
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪

277
00:17:22,893 --> 00:17:25,646
♪ I'd better wait ♪

278
00:17:25,729 --> 00:17:27,606
♪♪

279
00:17:27,689 --> 00:17:29,566
Excuse me.

280
00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:32,027
Have you seen a kid
hanging out around here?

281
00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:33,904
- No.
- No?

282
00:17:33,987 --> 00:17:36,239
Okay, thank you.

283
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:41,119
♪ Just because
you're paranoid ♪

284
00:17:41,203 --> 00:17:45,749
♪ Don't mean they're
not after you ♪

285
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,751
[music stops]

286
00:17:52,089 --> 00:17:54,424
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪

287
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:57,135
♪ When I'm there ♪

288
00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:59,346
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪

289
00:17:59,429 --> 00:18:02,182
♪ I'd better wait ♪
[thunder rumbles]

290
00:18:02,265 --> 00:18:05,185
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪

291
00:18:05,268 --> 00:18:07,938
♪ I'd better wait ♪

292
00:18:08,021 --> 00:18:10,440
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪

293
00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:13,068
♪ When I'm there ♪

294
00:18:13,151 --> 00:18:14,653
♪ Gotta find a way ♪

295
00:18:14,736 --> 00:18:17,406
♪ Aah, aah! ♪

296
00:18:17,489 --> 00:18:19,449
♪ Aah! ♪

297
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,910
[song ends]
[Nic retching]

298
00:18:21,993 --> 00:18:23,870
Wow. They don't want
to deal with that.

299
00:18:23,954 --> 00:18:25,014
Hey, Dad, you want
to smoke this?

300
00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:26,039
Hey, whoa.
[Nic chuckling]

301
00:18:26,123 --> 00:18:27,541
Wait. What...? Stop.

302
00:18:27,624 --> 00:18:28,976
- Put that away.
- We'll smoke this together.

303
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,961
No, no, no. No.
Are you cra...

304
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:32,438
- That's crazy.
- Well, I know you smoke.

305
00:18:32,462 --> 00:18:34,422
- Y... Well, yeah. I...
- So let's smoke together.

306
00:18:34,464 --> 00:18:35,924
No, no, no.
Occasionally, like...

307
00:18:36,007 --> 00:18:37,193
- Look, let's smoke to...
let's smoke together.

308
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,135
- Listen.
- Or I could just...

309
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,278
You know what?
- No, stop it, stop it.

310
00:18:39,302 --> 00:18:41,096
- Stop. Stop.
- I'll just light it here a...

311
00:18:41,179 --> 00:18:42,949
You know what? You're right.
I'll just light it here alone.

312
00:18:42,973 --> 00:18:44,349
[Nic laughs]
- Don't.

313
00:18:44,433 --> 00:18:45,142
Occasionally, from
time to time...

314
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,143
- Yeah?

315
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,704
- I will have a hit
or two at a party,

316
00:18:47,728 --> 00:18:49,563
but it's been a
while, so just...

317
00:18:49,646 --> 00:18:50,897
Oh, okay, so then just smoke...

318
00:18:50,981 --> 00:18:53,608
have-have a celebratory
joint with your son.

319
00:18:53,692 --> 00:18:56,486
N-No. God, come
on. [chuckles]

320
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:58,196
No. No, you're amazing.

321
00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,823
You got... you applied
to six colleges,

322
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:00,949
you got into all of them?

323
00:19:01,032 --> 00:19:02,325
Yeah.

324
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,244
Stop doubting yourself.

325
00:19:04,327 --> 00:19:05,954
Look at you.

326
00:19:07,164 --> 00:19:08,665
Give me that. Give me that.

327
00:19:13,336 --> 00:19:15,046
[laughing]
- What? [laughs]

328
00:19:15,130 --> 00:19:16,882
Nice-nice hit. That
was a good hit.

329
00:19:16,965 --> 00:19:18,800
[both laughing]

330
00:19:18,884 --> 00:19:20,927
- What?
- Well...

331
00:19:22,471 --> 00:19:26,767
Thank you. This is a nice...

332
00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:28,935
thing to do.

333
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:30,771
[muttering]

334
00:19:30,854 --> 00:19:32,814
You did a lot of drugs, right?

335
00:19:32,898 --> 00:19:34,775
I, uh...

336
00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:36,943
Yeah, I did my share.

337
00:19:37,027 --> 00:19:38,695
I experimented
with some drugs.

338
00:19:38,779 --> 00:19:40,781
[laughs] I did.

339
00:19:40,864 --> 00:19:42,115
[both laugh]

340
00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:43,825
- But not harmless.
- What, is this...?

341
00:19:43,909 --> 00:19:45,327
There was a guy,
and... No, no.

342
00:19:45,410 --> 00:19:46,620
This is the lecture part?

343
00:19:46,703 --> 00:19:48,413
- Right?
- [sighs] Yes.

344
00:19:48,497 --> 00:19:49,857
Dad, you worry too
much, all right?

345
00:19:49,915 --> 00:19:51,666
- Everyone does it.
- Just be careful.

346
00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:53,835
It's just a little pot.
I'm just partying a little.

347
00:19:53,919 --> 00:19:56,421
It's just... you know,
it's just once in a while.

348
00:19:56,505 --> 00:19:57,756
Mm-hmm.

349
00:19:57,839 --> 00:19:59,382
I deserve to party
a little now.

350
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,343
- "Deserve to party."
- I do.

351
00:20:01,426 --> 00:20:04,387
Look, it just... it takes
the edge off things.

352
00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:07,933
It-it... it-it takes the edge
off of stupid all-day reality.

353
00:20:08,016 --> 00:20:10,352
♪♪

354
00:20:10,435 --> 00:20:12,270
Hmm.

355
00:20:12,354 --> 00:20:15,857
What is stupid about reality?

356
00:20:15,941 --> 00:20:17,442
You know, just like...

357
00:20:17,526 --> 00:20:21,863
like daily, stupid things
that don't matter.

358
00:20:21,947 --> 00:20:23,573
- Okay.
- [sighs]

359
00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:25,116
You cannot say dumb
shit like that,

360
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,576
or you're gonna
start believing it.

361
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:28,495
Right.

362
00:20:28,578 --> 00:20:30,622
["Sound and Vision" by
David Bowie playing]

363
00:20:33,041 --> 00:20:35,168
♪ Blue, blue, electric blue ♪

364
00:20:35,252 --> 00:20:36,044
♪ That's the color ♪

365
00:20:36,127 --> 00:20:37,546
♪ Of my room ♪

366
00:20:37,629 --> 00:20:38,964
♪ Where I will live ♪

367
00:20:41,424 --> 00:20:43,218
♪ Blue, blue ♪

368
00:20:46,555 --> 00:20:48,765
♪ Pale blinds drawn all day ♪

369
00:20:48,849 --> 00:20:51,476
♪ Nothing to do,
nothing to say. ♪

370
00:20:57,566 --> 00:20:59,693
Thanks for bringing
that, Karen.

371
00:21:01,611 --> 00:21:03,321
[sighs]

372
00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:07,200
This is my home.

373
00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:11,121
[David] A couple
of weeks ago, you told me

374
00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:14,666
that you had only done
crystal meth once.

375
00:21:14,749 --> 00:21:17,627
And the story has to be
bigger than that, right?

376
00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:19,838
- Mm-hmm.
- There's more to it.

377
00:21:19,921 --> 00:21:21,131
Yeah?

378
00:21:21,214 --> 00:21:22,382
David.

379
00:21:22,465 --> 00:21:23,508
[David] We
need to know.

380
00:21:24,634 --> 00:21:26,469
We need to know.

381
00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:32,392
I think I always liked it.

382
00:21:32,475 --> 00:21:34,394
What?

383
00:21:35,979 --> 00:21:38,773
Anything. Pot, alcohol,

384
00:21:38,857 --> 00:21:41,943
Ecstasy, cocaine, LSD.

385
00:21:42,027 --> 00:21:43,445
[Nic sighs]

386
00:21:43,528 --> 00:21:45,822
And you've been
doing all of that

387
00:21:45,906 --> 00:21:47,866
for what... years?

388
00:21:47,949 --> 00:21:49,868
A couple years, yeah.

389
00:21:51,161 --> 00:21:52,537
And crystal meth?

390
00:21:53,997 --> 00:21:55,957
Just a couple months.

391
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:58,710
Wh-Why?

392
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:02,421
I don't know.

393
00:22:02,464 --> 00:22:04,382
Um...

394
00:22:09,304 --> 00:22:12,057
When I tried it, I felt...

395
00:22:17,479 --> 00:22:20,899
I felt better than
I ever had, so...

396
00:22:20,982 --> 00:22:23,318
I just kept on doing it.

397
00:22:23,401 --> 00:22:26,571
I was worried that you
were smoking too much pot.

398
00:22:26,655 --> 00:22:31,117
Meanwhile, you're out doing
every drug on the planet?

399
00:22:31,201 --> 00:22:36,414
And hiding it and lying? Why?

400
00:22:38,875 --> 00:22:39,875
- I don't know. Um...

401
00:22:39,918 --> 00:22:41,628
- Why Nic, tell me why?

402
00:22:41,711 --> 00:22:42,754
[Karen] Ease up.

403
00:22:42,837 --> 00:22:44,547
- I don't know.
- I thought we were close.

404
00:22:44,631 --> 00:22:46,651
I thought we were closer
than most fathers and sons.

405
00:22:46,675 --> 00:22:49,052
Yeah, I feel like you're
always disappointed in me.

406
00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:50,196
You're disappointed I
didn't go to college.

407
00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:51,471
- Can you blame me?!

408
00:22:51,554 --> 00:22:53,139
Just, uh, not too long ago,

409
00:22:53,223 --> 00:22:54,867
you were reading and you
were writing, and you were on

410
00:22:54,891 --> 00:22:57,060
the water polo team.

411
00:22:57,143 --> 00:22:58,520
And look at us now.

412
00:22:58,603 --> 00:22:59,664
- Dad...
- Can you please stop?

413
00:22:59,688 --> 00:23:01,040
- This isn't us. This
is not who we are.

414
00:23:01,064 --> 00:23:03,358
[Karen] Just, please,
both of you, stop.

415
00:23:03,441 --> 00:23:05,193
Dad, I'm really sorry
about everything.

416
00:23:07,988 --> 00:23:09,739
Dad, I'm so...

417
00:23:12,909 --> 00:23:14,369
I'm really sorry, Dad.

418
00:23:16,788 --> 00:23:19,040
[David sighs]

419
00:23:19,124 --> 00:23:20,375
- Nic, what you have...

420
00:23:22,377 --> 00:23:24,045
...you're gonna find it again.

421
00:23:26,339 --> 00:23:27,966
[exhales]

422
00:23:28,049 --> 00:23:29,509
- And you're gonna get it back.

423
00:23:30,301 --> 00:23:32,137
♪ Long afloat on ♪

424
00:23:32,220 --> 00:23:33,722
Ow, ow, ow.

425
00:23:33,805 --> 00:23:35,598
- Ow. There you go.
- ♪ Shipless oceans ♪

426
00:23:35,682 --> 00:23:37,267
[dog barking]

427
00:23:37,350 --> 00:23:40,895
♪ I did all my best ♪

428
00:23:40,979 --> 00:23:42,772
♪ To smile ♪

429
00:23:44,524 --> 00:23:47,318
♪ Till your singing ♪

430
00:23:47,402 --> 00:23:49,821
♪ Eyes and fingers ♪

431
00:23:51,281 --> 00:23:54,784
♪ Drew me loving ♪

432
00:23:54,868 --> 00:23:58,121
♪ To your isle ♪

433
00:23:58,204 --> 00:23:59,581
♪ And you sang ♪

434
00:24:01,583 --> 00:24:03,418
♪ Sail to me ♪

435
00:24:04,961 --> 00:24:06,463
♪ Sail to me ♪

436
00:24:06,546 --> 00:24:09,966
♪ Let me enfold you. ♪

437
00:24:11,176 --> 00:24:12,969
[David]
Nic!

438
00:24:22,896 --> 00:24:24,814
Nic!

439
00:24:26,191 --> 00:24:27,484
Nic!

440
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:30,987
Nic!

441
00:24:41,414 --> 00:24:43,374
Nic!

442
00:24:45,126 --> 00:24:47,045
[seagulls squawking]

443
00:24:49,672 --> 00:24:52,550
[whooping]

444
00:24:52,634 --> 00:24:54,135
[laughing]

445
00:24:58,139 --> 00:24:59,516
[Nic] Hey, Dad.

446
00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:01,267
[David on phone]Hey.

447
00:25:01,351 --> 00:25:02,811
How's New York?

448
00:25:02,894 --> 00:25:04,104
Fine. Good.

449
00:25:04,187 --> 00:25:05,480
Good interview today.

450
00:25:05,563 --> 00:25:06,898
- Nice.
- How are you?

451
00:25:06,981 --> 00:25:09,526
Oh, I'm-I'm doing good. Yeah.

452
00:25:09,609 --> 00:25:11,152
Yeah? You sure?

453
00:25:11,236 --> 00:25:12,987
Yeah. I don't... well...

454
00:25:13,071 --> 00:25:14,781
What?

455
00:25:14,864 --> 00:25:16,366
It's, uh...

456
00:25:16,449 --> 00:25:17,867
What's going on?

457
00:25:17,951 --> 00:25:20,787
Uh, we had this
great group session,

458
00:25:20,870 --> 00:25:23,414
and one of the guys here was
saying he would do anything

459
00:25:23,498 --> 00:25:25,542
for a chance to go to
college, but he can't.

460
00:25:25,625 --> 00:25:27,545
- Okay. -And when we were
talking later, he said,

461
00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:29,796
"You could still go to
college. Don't be an idiot.

462
00:25:29,879 --> 00:25:31,756
Go to college."

463
00:25:33,049 --> 00:25:34,592
I don't know, it's just crazy.

464
00:25:34,676 --> 00:25:37,637
I realized I don't think
I should stay behind.

465
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:38,847
I love writing.

466
00:25:38,930 --> 00:25:41,391
And I feel like I'm good at it,

467
00:25:41,474 --> 00:25:44,227
and I do it a lot, but...

468
00:25:44,310 --> 00:25:47,063
obviously, there's still a lot

469
00:25:47,147 --> 00:25:49,399
for-for me to learn and...

470
00:25:51,067 --> 00:25:53,278
Anyway, um...

471
00:25:53,361 --> 00:25:56,114
I'd love to give it a go, if...

472
00:25:56,197 --> 00:25:58,908
you know, if it's all
right with you guys.

473
00:26:01,828 --> 00:26:05,290
Yeah. I'll talk to
Karen and to your mom.

474
00:26:06,416 --> 00:26:08,168
Back here.

475
00:26:08,251 --> 00:26:10,170
[quiet, indistinct
conversation]

476
00:26:13,756 --> 00:26:15,675
[indistinct conversation]

477
00:26:26,311 --> 00:26:28,188
[indistinct talking,
laughing nearby]

478
00:26:31,441 --> 00:26:32,984
Have you met your roommate yet?

479
00:26:33,067 --> 00:26:34,235
Yeah, he seems nice.

480
00:26:34,319 --> 00:26:36,279
He's just in the hall.

481
00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:37,572
I feel for you, though.

482
00:26:37,655 --> 00:26:39,032
[Nic laughs]

483
00:26:39,115 --> 00:26:40,366
Ouch.

484
00:26:40,450 --> 00:26:41,951
No worries. I'll educate him.

485
00:26:42,035 --> 00:26:43,745
[David laughs]

486
00:26:43,828 --> 00:26:45,955
Before you know it, he'll
be listening to John Zorn.

487
00:26:46,039 --> 00:26:47,832
Ah.

488
00:26:50,168 --> 00:26:52,086
[sighs]

489
00:26:56,382 --> 00:26:58,384
Well, I better get going.

490
00:26:58,468 --> 00:26:59,969
All right.

491
00:27:11,898 --> 00:27:15,693
- Everything.
- Everything.

492
00:27:15,777 --> 00:27:17,695
[indistinct chatter]
[wheels rattling]

493
00:27:30,124 --> 00:27:32,835
[Nic] So, this is a poem
by Charles Bukowski.

494
00:27:36,714 --> 00:27:40,385
Uh, this man saved my life
multiple times, so...

495
00:27:40,468 --> 00:27:43,096
I changed jobs and cities,

496
00:27:43,179 --> 00:27:44,931
I hated holidays,

497
00:27:45,014 --> 00:27:46,307
babies, history,

498
00:27:46,391 --> 00:27:51,271
newspapers, museums,
grandmothers,

499
00:27:51,354 --> 00:27:54,482
marriage, movies, spiders...

500
00:27:54,565 --> 00:27:56,165
- I want to see it, I
want to see it! Oh!

501
00:27:56,234 --> 00:27:57,151
- ...garbage men,

502
00:27:57,235 --> 00:27:59,028
- English accents...
- Nice. Go, go, go!

503
00:27:59,112 --> 00:28:01,489
...Spain, France,

504
00:28:01,572 --> 00:28:06,286
Italy, walnuts and
the color orange.

505
00:28:06,369 --> 00:28:10,832
Algebra angered me,
opera sickened me,

506
00:28:10,915 --> 00:28:12,542
Charlie Chaplin was a fake

507
00:28:12,625 --> 00:28:14,711
and flowers were for pansies.

508
00:28:19,632 --> 00:28:21,551
Thanks.

509
00:28:25,763 --> 00:28:27,682
[conversing indistinctly]

510
00:28:29,767 --> 00:28:32,478
["Svefn-g-englar" by
Sigur Rós playing]

511
00:28:37,317 --> 00:28:40,194
[laughs]
- Come here.

512
00:28:40,278 --> 00:28:42,196
♪♪

513
00:28:45,825 --> 00:28:47,869
Mm.

514
00:28:47,952 --> 00:28:50,496
Hi. [laughs]

515
00:28:57,503 --> 00:28:59,797
[giggles]

516
00:28:59,881 --> 00:29:02,133
["Svefn-g-englar" continues,
with singing in Icelandic]

517
00:29:02,216 --> 00:29:05,094
[indistinct chatter]

518
00:29:05,178 --> 00:29:07,847
♪♪

519
00:29:07,930 --> 00:29:09,849
[indistinct chatter]

520
00:29:12,268 --> 00:29:13,936
Where's your bathroom?

521
00:29:14,020 --> 00:29:15,247
Hey, is there a
bathroom I can use?

522
00:29:15,271 --> 00:29:16,522
[Woman] Sure, honey.

523
00:29:16,606 --> 00:29:18,646
I'll show you where it is.
Go right up, to the left.

524
00:29:18,691 --> 00:29:21,194
♪♪

525
00:29:33,206 --> 00:29:35,124
♪♪

526
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:42,799
[indistinct chatter, laughter]

527
00:29:50,348 --> 00:29:51,933
♪♪

528
00:30:05,321 --> 00:30:06,948
[laughs]

529
00:30:13,454 --> 00:30:15,373
[indistinct chatter continues]

530
00:30:18,918 --> 00:30:20,837
♪♪

531
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:22,880
[phone ringing]

532
00:30:22,964 --> 00:30:24,882
♪♪

533
00:30:24,966 --> 00:30:26,884
[phone ringing]

534
00:30:31,222 --> 00:30:33,558
- Hey, Dad.
- [David on phone] Hey, Nic.

535
00:30:33,641 --> 00:30:35,309
How you doing?
What's going on?

536
00:30:35,393 --> 00:30:36,829
Oh, no, everything's
going great here, yeah.

537
00:30:36,853 --> 00:30:38,247
Oh, hey, thanks for
sending the money.

538
00:30:38,271 --> 00:30:39,355
I really appreciate that.

539
00:30:39,439 --> 00:30:41,357
♪♪

540
00:30:52,618 --> 00:30:54,787
♪♪

541
00:31:09,218 --> 00:31:11,596
♪♪

542
00:31:25,693 --> 00:31:27,612
♪♪

543
00:31:42,251 --> 00:31:45,171
[laughter nearby]

544
00:31:45,254 --> 00:31:48,633
[indistinct chatter]

545
00:31:48,716 --> 00:31:50,635
♪♪

546
00:31:58,935 --> 00:32:01,020
[chiming quietly]

547
00:32:06,025 --> 00:32:08,569
[David] [chuckles] Yeah,
you always hog the fondue.

548
00:32:08,653 --> 00:32:11,072
Oh, uh, Patrick and Phil
are going hiking tomorrow,

549
00:32:11,155 --> 00:32:14,158
so they'd like us to join them.

550
00:32:14,242 --> 00:32:16,160
♪♪

551
00:32:16,244 --> 00:32:18,496
[mouthing]

552
00:32:18,579 --> 00:32:21,123
Are Jasper and Daisy
here, by any...?

553
00:32:21,207 --> 00:32:22,375
- They're not here.
- No?

554
00:32:22,458 --> 00:32:23,936
- No.
- Oh, they didn't want to see me?

555
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,145
- No, they didn't
want to see you.

556
00:32:25,169 --> 00:32:26,249
- Oh, that's tough to hear.

557
00:32:26,295 --> 00:32:29,757
Uh, well, I'm gonna just
have a seat on this couch

558
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:30,716
and think about that, huh?

559
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,718
- Oh!
- Whoa! Whoa!

560
00:32:32,802 --> 00:32:35,429
Oh, my God! Oh, my
God, it's Daisy!

561
00:32:35,513 --> 00:32:37,223
Oh, Jasper!

562
00:32:37,306 --> 00:32:40,101
Oh, my God, you guys have
gotten so much bigger!

563
00:32:40,184 --> 00:32:42,853
Oh! Oh, my God,
you're so...! [yells]

564
00:32:44,689 --> 00:32:46,691
- [David] Okay.
- Denmark, 1632.

565
00:32:46,774 --> 00:32:48,484
- Oh, no.
- We...

566
00:32:48,568 --> 00:32:52,405
Like to look back at the
history of Hula-Hoops.

567
00:32:52,488 --> 00:32:55,241
[Nic] So important
to, uh,

568
00:32:55,324 --> 00:32:57,118
the culture of
peace and wisdom.

569
00:32:57,201 --> 00:33:00,955
[David] Um, a man named
George... Hoopulu.

570
00:33:01,038 --> 00:33:04,041
[laughter]
- Was, uh... was, uh...

571
00:33:04,125 --> 00:33:05,751
And he thought...

572
00:33:05,835 --> 00:33:08,296
[mock Danish accent]
"Well, I'm going to

573
00:33:08,379 --> 00:33:09,880
develop something that I..."

574
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,013
Hey.

575
00:33:17,096 --> 00:33:19,932
- Hey. Uh...
[sighs]

576
00:33:20,016 --> 00:33:23,477
Hey. Um...

577
00:33:23,561 --> 00:33:25,747
I was wondering, do you think
I could use your car tonight?

578
00:33:25,771 --> 00:33:27,982
'Cause I just... I want
to go to a meeting.

579
00:33:28,065 --> 00:33:29,900
- Oh. You got a meeting tonight?

580
00:33:29,984 --> 00:33:31,819
- Yeah, sure.

581
00:33:35,990 --> 00:33:37,241
Y-You good?

582
00:33:37,325 --> 00:33:39,660
[chuckles softly]
Yeah. I just...

583
00:33:40,328 --> 00:33:41,203
- They're crazy.
- Yeah.

584
00:33:41,287 --> 00:33:42,788
They're really
excited you're home.

585
00:33:45,833 --> 00:33:47,436
- I mean, I'll see you
in the morning, I guess.

586
00:33:47,460 --> 00:33:49,337
- Okay.

587
00:33:50,713 --> 00:33:52,715
All right.

588
00:34:05,311 --> 00:34:07,271
[rock instrumental playing]

589
00:34:14,737 --> 00:34:16,530
Yep! Mm!

590
00:34:16,614 --> 00:34:20,117
[mumbling incoherently]

591
00:34:25,122 --> 00:34:28,167
♪♪

592
00:34:30,586 --> 00:34:32,463
[distorted whirr
of passing car]

593
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:37,551
[inhales]

594
00:34:39,220 --> 00:34:40,888
[Jasper] Where is it?!

595
00:34:40,971 --> 00:34:42,473
[Daisy] I don't have it!

596
00:34:42,556 --> 00:34:44,016
[Jasper] Where is it?!

597
00:34:44,100 --> 00:34:45,518
[Daisy] I don't have it!

598
00:34:45,601 --> 00:34:48,062
[David] Guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys.

599
00:34:48,145 --> 00:34:49,772
[Jasper] Where is it?!

600
00:34:49,855 --> 00:34:50,957
[David] Guys, guys, stop it.

601
00:34:50,981 --> 00:34:52,108
[Daisy] I don't know!

602
00:34:52,191 --> 00:34:53,251
[David] Stop. Calm down.
What's going on in here?

603
00:34:53,275 --> 00:34:54,652
[Jasper] She
took my money!

604
00:34:54,735 --> 00:34:55,861
[Daisy] [sobbing] I didn't.

605
00:34:55,945 --> 00:34:58,072
[David] Okay, all right.
Come on, go downstairs

606
00:34:58,155 --> 00:34:59,841
- and see Mommy, all right?
- You took them!

607
00:34:59,865 --> 00:35:01,784
[sobbing]Don't, don't,
don't. Stop, stop.

608
00:35:01,867 --> 00:35:04,829
- I didn't take it, Daddy.
- I know you didn't. All right.

609
00:35:04,912 --> 00:35:07,540
Just go downstairs and
have some breakfast.

610
00:35:07,623 --> 00:35:08,708
Hey, what happened?

611
00:35:08,791 --> 00:35:10,376
[Jasper shuddering]

612
00:35:10,459 --> 00:35:11,752
They're gone.

613
00:35:11,836 --> 00:35:14,296
Okay. Are you sure
you had it in there?

614
00:35:14,380 --> 00:35:17,049
- Yeah. I had them yesterday.
- Okay.

615
00:35:24,849 --> 00:35:26,851
Jasper's savings disappeared.

616
00:35:28,978 --> 00:35:30,438
Yeah? That's weird.

617
00:35:36,527 --> 00:35:38,237
Did you take his eight dollars?

618
00:35:40,948 --> 00:35:42,324
[laughs] What?

619
00:35:42,408 --> 00:35:43,451
You heard me.

620
00:35:44,034 --> 00:35:46,287
Why would I?

621
00:35:46,370 --> 00:35:48,456
It disappeared, and somebody
has to have done it.

622
00:35:48,539 --> 00:35:50,666
Right, so it's me.

623
00:35:50,750 --> 00:35:53,335
This is fucking ridiculous.

624
00:35:53,419 --> 00:35:56,297
[stammers, sighs]
Are you using again?

625
00:35:56,380 --> 00:35:59,425
Am I using again? No.

626
00:36:01,010 --> 00:36:03,721
Are you high right now?

627
00:36:03,804 --> 00:36:05,389
What the f...? No.

628
00:36:05,473 --> 00:36:07,475
- Fuck you.
- "Fuck you"?

629
00:36:07,558 --> 00:36:08,976
Don't talk to me that way.

630
00:36:09,059 --> 00:36:10,603
Are you high right now?

631
00:36:10,686 --> 00:36:11,979
No.

632
00:36:12,062 --> 00:36:13,606
You're not using right now?

633
00:36:13,689 --> 00:36:14,982
Are you using?

634
00:36:15,065 --> 00:36:18,736
No, Dad, I'm not
fucking high right now!

635
00:36:18,819 --> 00:36:20,696
Okay.

636
00:36:24,074 --> 00:36:27,369
Listen, it was a gamble
to send you to college.

637
00:36:27,453 --> 00:36:30,164
Everybody supported it.

638
00:36:30,247 --> 00:36:32,124
I'm glad that you went.

639
00:36:33,375 --> 00:36:35,836
Relapse is a part of rec...

640
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:37,797
Relapse is part of recovery.

641
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:41,717
- So we're gonna get...
- I better leave.

642
00:36:50,226 --> 00:36:52,686
- David?
- Hey.

643
00:36:52,770 --> 00:36:55,564
Just... where-where
are you gonna go?

644
00:36:55,648 --> 00:36:57,983
You can't just leave.
This is ridiculous.

645
00:36:58,067 --> 00:36:59,401
- Come on.
- Will you talk to us?

646
00:36:59,485 --> 00:37:01,087
I mean, really... we just
want to talk to you.

647
00:37:01,111 --> 00:37:03,656
Why don't... Try to
help us understand.

648
00:37:03,739 --> 00:37:05,175
- Or just let us help you.
- All right?

649
00:37:05,199 --> 00:37:06,676
I don't want your fucking help.
Don't you understand that?

650
00:37:06,700 --> 00:37:08,202
- No.
- No, you don't. Jesus Christ,

651
00:37:08,285 --> 00:37:09,930
then what the fuck is
wrong with you, then, huh?

652
00:37:09,954 --> 00:37:11,264
- What the hell is wrong
with you people?

653
00:37:11,288 --> 00:37:12,331
- Nic.

654
00:37:12,414 --> 00:37:13,517
- No! You fucking suffocate me.
- Hey.

655
00:37:13,541 --> 00:37:14,333
- Oh...
- You fucking suffocate me!

656
00:37:14,416 --> 00:37:16,836
Whoa, it's us?
We're the problem?

657
00:37:16,919 --> 00:37:18,605
No. You know what, you're
the one who's doing it!

658
00:37:18,629 --> 00:37:20,756
You're the one
who's causing it!

659
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,467
And you're the only
one who can stop it!

660
00:37:23,551 --> 00:37:24,635
Fucking solve it!

661
00:37:46,490 --> 00:37:48,409
[grunts]

662
00:37:53,330 --> 00:37:54,330
Fuck!

663
00:37:55,416 --> 00:37:56,834
Fuck!

664
00:37:58,752 --> 00:37:59,837
[sniffs]

665
00:38:19,523 --> 00:38:21,442
♪♪

666
00:38:31,410 --> 00:38:33,370
[David sighs]

667
00:38:38,667 --> 00:38:40,419
[turns page]

668
00:38:53,724 --> 00:38:55,643
♪♪

669
00:39:14,495 --> 00:39:17,206
♪♪

670
00:39:38,435 --> 00:39:40,354
♪♪

671
00:39:49,905 --> 00:39:52,324
DR. BROWN:
So, this is for the, uh,

672
00:39:52,408 --> 00:39:53,993
"New York Times Magazine"?

673
00:39:54,076 --> 00:39:55,786
Oh, no.

674
00:39:55,869 --> 00:39:57,162
I'm a... I-I write.

675
00:39:57,246 --> 00:39:58,706
I freelance for
different magazines,

676
00:39:58,789 --> 00:40:01,792
but this is... this
is a personal matter.

677
00:40:01,875 --> 00:40:04,003
- A personal matter?
- Yes. I'm sorry.

678
00:40:04,086 --> 00:40:06,338
- Is that okay? -Uh, no,
it's absolutely okay.

679
00:40:06,422 --> 00:40:08,215
May I ask what-what
this is regarding?

680
00:40:08,298 --> 00:40:10,718
Uh, it's about my son.

681
00:40:10,801 --> 00:40:12,720
Okay.

682
00:40:15,806 --> 00:40:18,934
[David] He's been
doing all sorts of drugs,

683
00:40:19,018 --> 00:40:20,853
but he's addicted
to crystal meth,

684
00:40:20,936 --> 00:40:24,690
which seems, uh, to be
the worst of all of them.

685
00:40:24,773 --> 00:40:26,984
And I guess I'm here

686
00:40:27,067 --> 00:40:30,738
because I just want to
know all that I can

687
00:40:30,821 --> 00:40:33,741
about all of it.

688
00:40:33,824 --> 00:40:36,326
So, uh, crystal meth, uh,

689
00:40:36,410 --> 00:40:38,250
gives the user a feeling
of instant euphoria...

690
00:40:38,328 --> 00:40:40,831
at least, when he takes it.

691
00:40:40,914 --> 00:40:42,100
You know, but when
it wears off,

692
00:40:42,124 --> 00:40:43,876
with a depletion
of as much as 60%

693
00:40:43,959 --> 00:40:46,837
of the dopamine, the user
has to up the doses.

694
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:50,883
He has to double it, triple
it just to feel something,

695
00:40:50,966 --> 00:40:53,093
causing even more nerve damage,

696
00:40:53,177 --> 00:40:56,972
which, uh, increases
the compulsion to use.

697
00:40:57,056 --> 00:40:58,557
Horrible cycle.

698
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,559
[typing]

699
00:41:00,642 --> 00:41:02,770
- What's up?
- Hey.

700
00:41:02,853 --> 00:41:05,481
Just doing some research.

701
00:41:22,956 --> 00:41:24,875
♪♪

702
00:41:32,758 --> 00:41:34,676
Hi.

703
00:41:40,808 --> 00:41:42,851
Are you hungry?

704
00:41:42,935 --> 00:41:46,021
You want to get something?

705
00:41:46,105 --> 00:41:48,690
Most guys just ask me for
a blow job. [chuckles]

706
00:41:48,774 --> 00:41:52,277
Oh, no. No, I'm just
offering something to eat.

707
00:41:52,361 --> 00:41:54,696
Maybe talk a little,
if you're up to it.

708
00:41:54,780 --> 00:41:58,117
[Dr. Brown] Meth
changes the brain physically.

709
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,536
Here we see the loss
of dopamine receptors

710
00:42:00,619 --> 00:42:02,579
in a meth user's brain.

711
00:42:02,663 --> 00:42:05,124
Now, I'm gonna show you
something else here.

712
00:42:05,207 --> 00:42:08,919
Do you see, uh, right here
there are these two red, uh...

713
00:42:09,002 --> 00:42:10,546
- large, red spots right here?
- Yeah.

714
00:42:10,629 --> 00:42:13,340
Okay, what that shows is
hyperactivity in the amygdala.

715
00:42:13,423 --> 00:42:15,300
And the amygdala is a
region of the brain

716
00:42:15,384 --> 00:42:17,803
that is linked with
anxiety and fear.

717
00:42:17,886 --> 00:42:19,930
Here the amygdala is screaming.

718
00:42:23,767 --> 00:42:25,769
What this shows us

719
00:42:25,853 --> 00:42:28,147
is that there is a
biological basis,

720
00:42:28,230 --> 00:42:31,942
uh, that meth users
may be unable...

721
00:42:32,025 --> 00:42:34,069
not unwilling, but unable...

722
00:42:34,153 --> 00:42:37,364
to participate in normal
treatment programs.

723
00:42:37,447 --> 00:42:38,866
[Girl] I was in rehab, too.

724
00:42:40,075 --> 00:42:41,535
Three times.

725
00:42:41,618 --> 00:42:44,037
Ran away every time. [chuckles]

726
00:42:44,121 --> 00:42:46,540
Why?

727
00:42:46,623 --> 00:42:48,750
It was hell.

728
00:42:48,834 --> 00:42:51,170
Wanted to die.

729
00:42:51,253 --> 00:42:53,172
Why was it hell?

730
00:42:53,255 --> 00:42:56,049
All that God shit.

731
00:42:56,133 --> 00:42:58,051
Also, you just don't
know how good it gets

732
00:42:58,135 --> 00:43:00,053
when it gets good.

733
00:43:00,137 --> 00:43:02,181
It's hard to explain.

734
00:43:02,264 --> 00:43:04,099
Feels like cocaine

735
00:43:04,183 --> 00:43:05,684
but multiplied by,
like, a thousand.

736
00:43:05,767 --> 00:43:07,436
Or, like, a million.

737
00:43:07,519 --> 00:43:10,063
[David] What does
this mean for Nic?

738
00:43:10,147 --> 00:43:12,065
Look, Mr. Sheff, I...

739
00:43:12,149 --> 00:43:15,027
I don't know who
promised you what,

740
00:43:15,110 --> 00:43:19,031
but the success percentage
is in the single digits.

741
00:43:19,114 --> 00:43:20,949
[exhales, chuckles]

742
00:43:21,033 --> 00:43:22,326
Okay.

743
00:43:24,453 --> 00:43:27,206
What about your parents?

744
00:43:27,289 --> 00:43:29,416
- What about them?

745
00:43:29,499 --> 00:43:32,252
- Don't you think they're
worried about you?

746
00:43:32,336 --> 00:43:34,755
Shouldn't you...

747
00:43:34,838 --> 00:43:37,090
let them know that...

748
00:43:37,174 --> 00:43:39,426
- They don't care.

749
00:43:39,509 --> 00:43:42,763
- Well, I think they do.

750
00:43:43,889 --> 00:43:46,808
What the fuck do you know?

751
00:43:53,690 --> 00:43:55,609
I gotta go.

752
00:43:55,692 --> 00:43:58,779
Oh. Okay.

753
00:44:02,157 --> 00:44:04,660
Thanks.

754
00:44:09,790 --> 00:44:11,708
[indistinct chatter]

755
00:44:22,344 --> 00:44:25,097
- Hey!
- Hey! Hey, now!

756
00:44:25,180 --> 00:44:27,599
[indistinct chatter continues]

757
00:44:33,897 --> 00:44:35,857
[indistinct chatter]

758
00:44:46,034 --> 00:44:48,328
[crickets chirping]

759
00:45:05,971 --> 00:45:07,889
[sighs]

760
00:45:14,813 --> 00:45:18,066
[sniffs]

761
00:45:18,150 --> 00:45:20,485
[grunting]

762
00:45:22,195 --> 00:45:23,613
God.

763
00:45:41,340 --> 00:45:43,300
[jazz playing]

764
00:45:55,729 --> 00:45:57,064
[computer chimes]

765
00:45:57,147 --> 00:45:58,732
[sighs]

766
00:45:59,816 --> 00:46:01,735
[computer chimes]

767
00:46:06,406 --> 00:46:08,533
♪♪

768
00:46:29,846 --> 00:46:32,724
[takes deep breath]

769
00:46:44,861 --> 00:46:46,738
[indistinct chatter]

770
00:46:52,452 --> 00:46:54,329
[David] I'm gonna
try some Klingon on you.

771
00:46:54,413 --> 00:46:55,455
Ready?

772
00:46:56,748 --> 00:47:00,043
[speaking mock Klingon]

773
00:47:04,131 --> 00:47:06,258
- You know what I said?
- May I have a Coca-Cola?

774
00:47:06,341 --> 00:47:07,926
Exactly.
[both laugh]

775
00:47:08,009 --> 00:47:09,803
[David chuckling]
That's it.

776
00:47:09,886 --> 00:47:11,805
That's exactly what I asked.

777
00:47:11,888 --> 00:47:13,265
Can I have a Coca-Cola?

778
00:47:13,348 --> 00:47:15,183
All right. If you
ask me in Klingon,

779
00:47:15,267 --> 00:47:17,185
maybe I'll get you a Coke.

780
00:47:18,353 --> 00:47:20,272
[speaking mock Klingon]

781
00:47:34,828 --> 00:47:36,872
Hey.

782
00:47:49,468 --> 00:47:51,344
Oh, wow.

783
00:47:52,888 --> 00:47:55,056
[chuckles] This hasn't
changed at all.

784
00:47:55,140 --> 00:47:58,143
[laughs] This place.

785
00:47:59,519 --> 00:48:01,188
- Hey.
- So, how you doing?

786
00:48:01,271 --> 00:48:02,606
I'm doing great.

787
00:48:02,689 --> 00:48:04,816
You know, just, um...

788
00:48:04,900 --> 00:48:06,651
um...

789
00:48:06,735 --> 00:48:08,612
just doing what
needs to be done.

790
00:48:09,696 --> 00:48:11,490
What does that mean?

791
00:48:11,573 --> 00:48:15,285
Just being responsible
for myself and...

792
00:48:15,368 --> 00:48:17,496
I've quit on my own,
you know, so...

793
00:48:17,579 --> 00:48:19,664
I got five days now.

794
00:48:21,374 --> 00:48:23,543
I feel like I'm doing well,
but I just need, um...

795
00:48:23,627 --> 00:48:26,755
I just need a few
hundred bucks, though.

796
00:48:26,838 --> 00:48:28,465
Nic, I can't give
you any money.

797
00:48:30,550 --> 00:48:32,469
Yeah.

798
00:48:32,552 --> 00:48:34,721
Okay.

799
00:48:34,804 --> 00:48:36,473
It's just 200 bucks.
I just need, um...

800
00:48:36,556 --> 00:48:38,058
I just need to get
some shit together.

801
00:48:38,141 --> 00:48:39,351
I want to go to New York.

802
00:48:39,434 --> 00:48:41,645
- New York?
- Yeah.

803
00:48:41,728 --> 00:48:43,522
I need to get out
of San Francisco.

804
00:48:43,605 --> 00:48:45,232
There's too Many...

805
00:48:45,315 --> 00:48:47,108
[laughing] All these
fucking bad vibes here

806
00:48:47,192 --> 00:48:50,070
all the time.

807
00:48:50,153 --> 00:48:51,988
Yeah, I just need a
few hundred bucks.

808
00:48:52,072 --> 00:48:54,366
Why don't we just
have lunch and talk?

809
00:48:54,449 --> 00:48:56,952
- We can do that, right?
- Mm. Hmm.

810
00:49:02,999 --> 00:49:05,627
How... how's Karen and,
uh... and the kids?

811
00:49:05,710 --> 00:49:09,089
Okay. They ask about you.

812
00:49:09,172 --> 00:49:12,008
It's their step-up next week,
and I know they'd love you...

813
00:49:12,092 --> 00:49:13,986
Dad, you're, uh... you're
guilt-tripping me, all right?

814
00:49:14,010 --> 00:49:15,387
No, I'm just saying...

815
00:49:15,470 --> 00:49:17,681
I should feel horrible
about myself.

816
00:49:19,140 --> 00:49:23,728
I know they wanted you
to be there, that's all.

817
00:49:23,812 --> 00:49:25,397
I'm sorry, Dad.

818
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:28,942
Um... I just need some
fucking money, all right?

819
00:49:29,025 --> 00:49:30,419
So please just give me
some fucking money.

820
00:49:30,443 --> 00:49:31,796
And then what?
Where does this end?

821
00:49:31,820 --> 00:49:33,297
This is... I got to
see this one through.

822
00:49:33,321 --> 00:49:35,007
This is kind of working
out for me right now.

823
00:49:35,031 --> 00:49:36,217
- I got five days sober.
- It doesn't look

824
00:49:36,241 --> 00:49:37,321
like it's working out, Nic.

825
00:49:37,367 --> 00:49:38,553
Oh, it doesn't look
like it's working out?

826
00:49:38,577 --> 00:49:39,494
- So what, then,
therapy? Huh? -No.

827
00:49:39,578 --> 00:49:40,912
- You can come home.
- No.

828
00:49:40,996 --> 00:49:42,682
- That wouldn't...
- We'll make it work. Please.

829
00:49:42,706 --> 00:49:43,832
Nic.

830
00:49:45,709 --> 00:49:46,793
Please.

831
00:49:54,134 --> 00:49:56,362
- I've been doing some research.
- Been doing fucking research?

832
00:49:56,386 --> 00:49:58,847
- You got to be kidding me, Dad.
- No...

833
00:49:58,930 --> 00:50:00,932
You think that you have
this under control.

834
00:50:01,016 --> 00:50:03,685
- Mm-hmm. -And I understand
how scared you are.

835
00:50:03,768 --> 00:50:05,728
I understand why I do
things... it doesn't make me

836
00:50:05,770 --> 00:50:07,856
any different, all right?
I'm attracted to craziness.

837
00:50:07,939 --> 00:50:10,692
And you're just embarrassed,
'cause I was, like, you know...

838
00:50:10,775 --> 00:50:12,003
I was, like, this
amazing thing,

839
00:50:12,027 --> 00:50:13,421
like, your special
creation or something,

840
00:50:13,445 --> 00:50:15,655
- and you don't like who I am now.
- Yeah?

841
00:50:15,739 --> 00:50:16,924
- Who are you, Nic?
- This is me, Dad.

842
00:50:16,948 --> 00:50:19,367
Here. This is who I am.

843
00:50:26,708 --> 00:50:28,752
You don't like what you see?

844
00:50:35,258 --> 00:50:39,471
You know, the more
I think about it...

845
00:50:39,554 --> 00:50:41,765
Mom should've gotten custody.

846
00:50:41,848 --> 00:50:44,309
Because you always
gotta be fucking

847
00:50:44,392 --> 00:50:46,186
controlling everything
all the time.

848
00:50:46,269 --> 00:50:48,772
You're allowed to be mad at
me, Nic. I made mistakes.

849
00:50:48,855 --> 00:50:51,650
I understand that. I wish
that I hadn't, but I did.

850
00:50:51,733 --> 00:50:54,444
But, God, what you're
saying right now

851
00:50:54,527 --> 00:50:57,489
- doesn't make any sense.
- You're doing this right now!

852
00:50:57,572 --> 00:50:58,966
- You're fucking controlling
me right now!

853
00:50:58,990 --> 00:51:01,868
- It's not you. It is not you,
Nic. It is the drugs talking.

854
00:51:01,951 --> 00:51:03,220
What does that even
fucking mean, huh?

855
00:51:03,244 --> 00:51:04,244
Psychological terror.

856
00:51:04,287 --> 00:51:05,413
It's what addicts do.

857
00:51:05,497 --> 00:51:06,932
What the fuck are you doing
right now, huh?

858
00:51:06,956 --> 00:51:09,459
What is this? What
are you doing, huh?

859
00:51:17,592 --> 00:51:19,511
[sighs]
Oh, [Man].

860
00:51:22,681 --> 00:51:25,600
I didn't want it to go
like this. [smacks lips]

861
00:51:27,519 --> 00:51:29,312
[chuckles]

862
00:51:29,396 --> 00:51:30,939
All right.

863
00:51:31,022 --> 00:51:32,607
I should go, Dad.

864
00:51:32,691 --> 00:51:34,693
[Nic sighs heavily]

865
00:51:37,404 --> 00:51:39,489
- Let me... let me book
you a room.

866
00:51:39,572 --> 00:51:40,407
- No, Dad.

867
00:51:40,490 --> 00:51:41,717
- At a hotel for a couple
of nights.

868
00:51:41,741 --> 00:51:43,243
- No. Dad...

869
00:51:43,326 --> 00:51:44,720
- Why don't we just go get
some food?

870
00:51:44,744 --> 00:51:46,871
- Dad, I should go.

871
00:51:48,248 --> 00:51:49,488
Can you say good-bye, at least?

872
00:51:49,541 --> 00:51:50,541
Bye, Dad.

873
00:51:53,336 --> 00:51:54,879
[door opens]

874
00:51:57,632 --> 00:51:58,800
[door closes]

875
00:52:02,137 --> 00:52:04,097
[Jasper]
Where does he sleep?

876
00:52:04,180 --> 00:52:06,683
[David] Um, don't
worry about that, sweetie.

877
00:52:06,766 --> 00:52:07,809
He's fine.

878
00:52:12,939 --> 00:52:15,275
Um...

879
00:52:15,358 --> 00:52:18,069
maybe he has a friend
and he sleeps there.

880
00:52:18,153 --> 00:52:21,823
[David] Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe.
[Daisy] Dolphin.

881
00:52:21,906 --> 00:52:23,575
[David] Hope so.
[Daisy] Need "E."

882
00:52:23,658 --> 00:52:25,034
Elephant.

883
00:52:25,118 --> 00:52:27,162
- Can I call him?
- Hmm.

884
00:52:27,245 --> 00:52:28,955
- No. I tried.
[Daisy speaks indistinctly]

885
00:52:29,038 --> 00:52:32,000
- His phone's disconnected.
- Can I send him a message?

886
00:52:32,083 --> 00:52:36,379
Maybe he'll get lonely and
turn his phone back on?

887
00:52:36,463 --> 00:52:38,798
That's a good idea.

888
00:52:38,882 --> 00:52:40,842
Yeah. Let's try that.

889
00:52:40,925 --> 00:52:43,595
[Daisy speaks indistinctly]

890
00:52:43,678 --> 00:52:46,014
[crickets chirping softly]

891
00:53:04,365 --> 00:53:06,701
♪♪
[typing]

892
00:53:25,553 --> 00:53:27,931
[vehicle passing by]

893
00:53:34,979 --> 00:53:36,606
[Karen calls out]
Dave.

894
00:53:36,689 --> 00:53:38,942
- Yeah?
[quietly] -Okay. Let's go.

895
00:53:40,276 --> 00:53:42,862
[footsteps approaching]

896
00:53:42,946 --> 00:53:44,864
Hey, Dave, close your eyes.

897
00:53:44,948 --> 00:53:46,407
Okay.

898
00:53:49,953 --> 00:53:51,871
And... open 'em!

899
00:53:53,248 --> 00:53:54,916
[whispers]
Oh. Wow.

900
00:53:54,999 --> 00:53:56,376
Wow!

901
00:53:56,459 --> 00:53:59,003
[faint, distorted voices
of children singing]

902
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:03,800
[waves lapping gently]
[faint singing continues]

903
00:54:17,021 --> 00:54:20,400
[voices fade]

904
00:54:23,403 --> 00:54:26,322
[waves continue lapping]

905
00:54:33,329 --> 00:54:35,665
[phone ringing]

906
00:54:45,675 --> 00:54:48,011
[phone continues ringing]

907
00:54:54,851 --> 00:54:56,519
Hello?

908
00:54:56,603 --> 00:54:59,355
This is Julie Ford at the
Bellevue Hospital in New York.

909
00:54:59,439 --> 00:55:01,190
Is Nic Sheff your son?

910
00:55:04,819 --> 00:55:06,321
[Male voice]
Uh, Mr. Sheff,

911
00:55:06,404 --> 00:55:08,781
I'm sorry we missed
each other earlier.

912
00:55:08,865 --> 00:55:11,951
So, Nic is still experiencing
some respiratory depression,

913
00:55:12,035 --> 00:55:13,870
but his vital signs
are returning.

914
00:55:13,953 --> 00:55:16,289
Sir, we're ready for departure.

915
00:55:16,372 --> 00:55:17,790
Okay, okay.

916
00:55:17,874 --> 00:55:20,376
Um... may I talk to him?

917
00:55:20,460 --> 00:55:22,170
- No, that won't be possible.

918
00:55:22,253 --> 00:55:23,647
- Sir, I need you to
turn off the phone.

919
00:55:23,671 --> 00:55:24,732
- Believe me, we
shouldn't wake him up.

920
00:55:24,756 --> 00:55:25,757
- Mm-hmm.

921
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:26,758
- Try again in a few
hours, though, okay?

922
00:55:26,841 --> 00:55:29,052
- Okay. Uh, would you let
him know that...

923
00:55:29,135 --> 00:55:30,845
- Sir. Sir. Please.

924
00:55:30,929 --> 00:55:32,865
- Would you please let
him know that I'm on my way?

925
00:55:32,889 --> 00:55:34,265
[ding]

926
00:55:35,350 --> 00:55:36,476
[beep]

927
00:55:36,559 --> 00:55:38,311
[indistinct
announcement over P.A.]

928
00:55:38,394 --> 00:55:41,189
♪♪

929
00:55:41,272 --> 00:55:42,440
[Woman] He checked out.

930
00:55:42,523 --> 00:55:43,650
[David]What?

931
00:55:43,733 --> 00:55:45,151
Against doctor's orders.

932
00:55:45,234 --> 00:55:47,278
- No, no, he O.D.'d.
- I'm sorry, sir.

933
00:55:47,362 --> 00:55:49,614
He pulled out the I.V.
and catheter, and left.

934
00:55:49,697 --> 00:55:51,032
How long ago?

935
00:55:51,115 --> 00:55:53,534
Ten to 15 minutes.

936
00:55:53,618 --> 00:55:55,954
I'm sorry, sir.

937
00:55:56,037 --> 00:55:58,331
♪♪

938
00:56:02,126 --> 00:56:04,420
["Darling" by the
Chips playing]

939
00:56:07,215 --> 00:56:09,801
♪ Darling, I need
your love... ♪

940
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:14,806
[sighs]

941
00:56:14,889 --> 00:56:17,225
[phone ringing]

942
00:56:19,644 --> 00:56:21,521
[beep]
Yes.

943
00:56:21,604 --> 00:56:23,773
[Nic crying]

944
00:56:23,856 --> 00:56:25,984
[bell jingling]
♪ Your love ♪

945
00:56:26,067 --> 00:56:29,237
♪ Darling, I need your love ♪

946
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:31,447
♪ Darling ♪

947
00:56:31,531 --> 00:56:35,451
♪ I love you so ♪

948
00:56:35,535 --> 00:56:39,455
♪ And I want the
whole world to know ♪

949
00:56:39,539 --> 00:56:42,458
♪ I'll never let you go... ♪

950
00:56:42,542 --> 00:56:44,544
[Nic] Look,
I've thought about it,

951
00:56:44,627 --> 00:56:46,462
and I'm done with drugs.

952
00:56:46,546 --> 00:56:48,548
This is it.

953
00:56:50,967 --> 00:56:53,344
I'm telling you, Dad.

954
00:56:53,428 --> 00:56:55,346
I'm done.

955
00:56:55,430 --> 00:56:59,350
♪ You're all I ever dream of ♪

956
00:57:00,977 --> 00:57:04,313
♪ Never leave me... ♪

957
00:57:05,565 --> 00:57:07,900
And how would that work?

958
00:57:07,984 --> 00:57:11,446
I mean, after what
just happened.

959
00:57:11,529 --> 00:57:15,283
♪ Oh... Stay with me ♪

960
00:57:15,366 --> 00:57:19,287
♪ Oh, stay with
me, oh, darling ♪

961
00:57:19,370 --> 00:57:22,707
- ♪ Darling, I need your kiss ♪
[crying]

962
00:57:22,790 --> 00:57:25,168
♪ Your love I can't resist... ♪

963
00:57:26,669 --> 00:57:28,796
[Reporter] Now, if
you're in the area,

964
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:30,381
evacuation orders and details,

965
00:57:30,465 --> 00:57:32,717
including relocation
centers, can be found on...

966
00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:35,094
[David] So, at
3:00, we have a conference call

967
00:57:35,178 --> 00:57:36,721
with the intake people
in Mississippi.

968
00:57:36,804 --> 00:57:38,056
[Reporter] That's
all for now.

969
00:57:38,139 --> 00:57:39,724
[David] 3:30, the
one in New Mexico.

970
00:57:39,807 --> 00:57:41,684
And 4:00, the one in Oregon.

971
00:57:41,768 --> 00:57:44,395
[Vicki] I did some research
on the one in New Mexico.

972
00:57:44,479 --> 00:57:47,774
[David] Mm-hmm.
- They charge $40,000 a month.

973
00:57:47,857 --> 00:57:49,376
You know, it's not
even that well rated.

974
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,486
We'll just skip that one.

975
00:57:51,569 --> 00:57:54,238
[Vicki] Listen, if a spot
opens up here in Los Angeles,

976
00:57:54,322 --> 00:57:56,491
Maybe that's the best
solution for now.

977
00:57:56,574 --> 00:57:59,452
I'll hear back from
them in an hour.

978
00:57:59,535 --> 00:58:00,703
- Mm.

979
00:58:00,787 --> 00:58:02,705
Give it a rest, David.

980
00:58:02,789 --> 00:58:04,832
Why don't you let me
take over for now?

981
00:58:10,254 --> 00:58:11,756
Mm.

982
00:58:11,839 --> 00:58:13,591
[Young Nic] Dad?

983
00:58:13,674 --> 00:58:15,176
[David] Yeah.

984
00:58:15,259 --> 00:58:19,305
[Young Nic] Will you check
on me every 15 minutes?

985
00:58:19,388 --> 00:58:21,682
[David] Yes.

986
00:58:27,730 --> 00:58:30,983
♪ Close your eyes ♪

987
00:58:31,067 --> 00:58:34,445
♪ Have no fear ♪

988
00:58:34,529 --> 00:58:36,614
♪ The monster's gone ♪

989
00:58:36,697 --> 00:58:38,574
♪ He's on the run ♪

990
00:58:38,658 --> 00:58:42,161
♪ And your daddy's here ♪

991
00:58:43,454 --> 00:58:45,581
♪ Beautiful, beautiful ♪

992
00:58:45,665 --> 00:58:46,958
♪ Beautiful ♪

993
00:58:47,041 --> 00:58:49,961
♪ Beautiful boy ♪

994
00:58:53,131 --> 00:58:55,174
♪ Beautiful, beautiful ♪

995
00:58:55,258 --> 00:58:56,717
♪ Beautiful ♪

996
00:58:56,801 --> 00:58:59,220
[David sings with radio]
♪ Beautiful boy ♪

997
00:58:59,303 --> 00:59:01,556
Do you want to bring one
of your dinosaurs, too?

998
00:59:01,639 --> 00:59:04,600
♪ Before you cross the street ♪

999
00:59:04,684 --> 00:59:06,435
How about a book?

1000
00:59:06,519 --> 00:59:08,062
♪ Take my hand ♪

1001
00:59:08,146 --> 00:59:10,648
No? Okay.

1002
00:59:10,731 --> 00:59:12,984
♪ Life is what happens to you ♪

1003
00:59:13,067 --> 00:59:14,861
♪ While you're busy ♪

1004
00:59:14,944 --> 00:59:18,114
- ♪ Making other plans ♪
- You ready?

1005
00:59:18,197 --> 00:59:19,866
[whispers]
Hey. Hey.

1006
00:59:19,949 --> 00:59:22,118
♪ Darling, darling... ♪

1007
00:59:22,201 --> 00:59:24,245
Can I have a hug?

1008
00:59:24,328 --> 00:59:25,329
No?

1009
00:59:25,413 --> 00:59:26,914
Why not?

1010
00:59:26,998 --> 00:59:29,375
Are you mad at me?

1011
00:59:29,458 --> 00:59:31,586
'Cause you have to go?

1012
00:59:32,670 --> 00:59:34,255
Okay.

1013
00:59:34,338 --> 00:59:38,092
Well... you'll be happy to
see Mommy, though, right?

1014
00:59:40,219 --> 00:59:42,096
I want you to know something.

1015
00:59:42,180 --> 00:59:44,557
When you come back,
I'm gonna be here...

1016
00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:47,685
right... I'm gonna be
right here for you.

1017
00:59:47,768 --> 00:59:49,478
Okay?

1018
00:59:49,562 --> 00:59:52,648
And call me when you miss
me, and I'll call you.

1019
00:59:53,983 --> 00:59:56,319
Do you know how
much I love you?

1020
01:00:03,367 --> 01:00:07,496
If you could take all the
words in the language,

1021
01:00:07,580 --> 01:00:10,666
it still wouldn't describe
how much I love you.

1022
01:00:10,750 --> 01:00:13,878
And if you could gather
all those words together,

1023
01:00:13,961 --> 01:00:16,714
it still wouldn't describe
what I feel for you.

1024
01:00:16,797 --> 01:00:19,675
What I feel for
you is everything.

1025
01:00:21,552 --> 01:00:23,554
I love you more
than everything.

1026
01:00:26,098 --> 01:00:28,434
Everything?

1027
01:00:28,517 --> 01:00:30,061
Yeah, everything.

1028
01:00:38,778 --> 01:00:42,114
[jet engines roaring]

1029
01:00:49,497 --> 01:00:51,791
[indistinct chatter]

1030
01:01:02,260 --> 01:01:04,262
Hey.

1031
01:01:04,345 --> 01:01:06,514
That's my mom.

1032
01:01:06,597 --> 01:01:09,642
I'm really glad
you came to L.A.

1033
01:01:09,725 --> 01:01:11,352
You know that, right?

1034
01:01:18,526 --> 01:01:20,212
[crying] You just don't
know what it is to be...

1035
01:01:20,236 --> 01:01:23,114
- Please don't do this, Mom.
- Okay.

1036
01:01:23,197 --> 01:01:25,032
[whispers] I'm
sorry. Okay.

1037
01:01:28,077 --> 01:01:30,204
[Vicki groans]

1038
01:01:30,288 --> 01:01:32,873
All I could think
about was you.

1039
01:01:37,962 --> 01:01:41,215
I know this must sound
meaningless, but I'm sorry.

1040
01:01:44,802 --> 01:01:46,971
[softly]
I'm-I'm sorry.

1041
01:01:48,514 --> 01:01:50,057
Oh, Nicky.

1042
01:01:50,141 --> 01:01:52,226
[Vicki sighs]

1043
01:01:52,310 --> 01:01:54,228
[Vicki mutters quietly]

1044
01:01:55,896 --> 01:01:58,357
You are such a darling.

1045
01:01:58,441 --> 01:02:00,318
You know that, right?

1046
01:02:01,485 --> 01:02:03,279
[kiss]

1047
01:02:04,780 --> 01:02:06,824
[sighs]
Whew.

1048
01:02:12,830 --> 01:02:14,498
[exhales]

1049
01:02:14,582 --> 01:02:16,500
♪♪

1050
01:02:21,005 --> 01:02:22,882
Hey, come on, old [Man]!

1051
01:02:22,965 --> 01:02:25,193
- You're being so disrespectful.
- I'm not being disrespectful.

1052
01:02:25,217 --> 01:02:27,428
You're being so disrespectful.

1053
01:02:27,511 --> 01:02:29,472
[both grunting]

1054
01:02:29,555 --> 01:02:31,116
- I'm coming for you!
- Oh, motherfucker!

1055
01:02:31,140 --> 01:02:34,018
Uh-huh. You about to
look at my ass, baby!

1056
01:02:34,101 --> 01:02:36,312
- You about to look at my ass!
[laughing]

1057
01:02:36,395 --> 01:02:39,398
[grunting, indistinct talking]

1058
01:02:39,482 --> 01:02:42,902
♪♪

1059
01:02:45,112 --> 01:02:46,697
[panting]
Fuck.

1060
01:02:56,665 --> 01:02:58,834
[objects in box clatter]

1061
01:02:58,918 --> 01:03:00,378
[chuckles]

1062
01:03:00,461 --> 01:03:01,962
♪♪

1063
01:03:07,635 --> 01:03:09,804
[indistinct chatter]

1064
01:03:09,887 --> 01:03:11,222
That's what I get for helping.

1065
01:03:11,305 --> 01:03:13,099
[grunting]
- Why'd you pull that hard?

1066
01:03:13,182 --> 01:03:15,476
- [laughing] I'm sorry.
- Why do you hate me?

1067
01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:18,479
♪♪

1068
01:03:31,242 --> 01:03:33,160
How does this feel?

1069
01:03:37,540 --> 01:03:40,709
Like I'm a real human being.

1070
01:03:42,002 --> 01:03:45,464
[indistinct chatter, laughter]

1071
01:03:45,548 --> 01:03:48,676
[Spencer coughs, whoops]

1072
01:03:48,759 --> 01:03:52,263
[Nic] One day,
I tried methamphetamine...

1073
01:03:52,346 --> 01:03:54,723
Yeah. That felt good.

1074
01:03:54,807 --> 01:03:57,226
...and I thought,

1075
01:03:57,309 --> 01:03:59,687
"This is what's been missing."

1076
01:03:59,770 --> 01:04:02,314
I felt complete.

1077
01:04:02,398 --> 01:04:04,400
[Spencer] Today's
a good day.

1078
01:04:04,483 --> 01:04:07,278
[Nic] Yeah, I've been
chasing that high

1079
01:04:07,361 --> 01:04:09,280
ever since.

1080
01:04:09,363 --> 01:04:11,282
No matter...

1081
01:04:11,365 --> 01:04:13,284
how much meth...

1082
01:04:13,367 --> 01:04:17,246
Or whatever else I can find
to shoot up into my body...

1083
01:04:17,329 --> 01:04:19,748
I do, it's never enough.

1084
01:04:19,832 --> 01:04:21,542
[others murmuring quietly]

1085
01:04:23,335 --> 01:04:26,714
And I went to a
couple of rehabs,

1086
01:04:26,797 --> 01:04:28,299
I detoxed,

1087
01:04:28,382 --> 01:04:31,093
they would talk
about disease, sure,

1088
01:04:31,177 --> 01:04:32,720
but...

1089
01:04:32,803 --> 01:04:34,388
it never clicked.

1090
01:04:37,349 --> 01:04:41,479
Until one day I woke
up in a hospital

1091
01:04:41,562 --> 01:04:44,815
and someone asked me,

1092
01:04:44,899 --> 01:04:47,234
"What's your problem?"

1093
01:04:50,154 --> 01:04:53,324
And I said, "I'm an
alcoholic and an addict."

1094
01:04:53,407 --> 01:04:55,159
And he said...

1095
01:04:55,242 --> 01:04:58,370
"No, that's how you've been
treating your problem."

1096
01:04:58,454 --> 01:05:00,372
[Others] Mm-hmm.
- That's right.

1097
01:05:00,456 --> 01:05:03,834
I know now I need to find a way

1098
01:05:03,918 --> 01:05:07,129
to fill this...

1099
01:05:07,213 --> 01:05:09,256
big...

1100
01:05:09,340 --> 01:05:11,509
black hole in me.

1101
01:05:15,888 --> 01:05:17,556
Anyway, so...

1102
01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:20,726
- I'm 14 months clean.
[others murmuring quietly]

1103
01:05:20,809 --> 01:05:22,937
I have a job at a rehab.

1104
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:26,774
It's fulfilling to help
other people get sober.

1105
01:05:26,857 --> 01:05:29,235
[others murmuring]

1106
01:05:29,318 --> 01:05:32,446
I have a sponsor, Spencer.

1107
01:05:32,530 --> 01:05:35,282
Shows me how great
my life can be sober.

1108
01:05:36,784 --> 01:05:39,119
And, um, I still have family.

1109
01:05:41,163 --> 01:05:43,958
My mom's been amazing.

1110
01:05:44,041 --> 01:05:46,794
My dad's been amazing, too.

1111
01:05:46,877 --> 01:05:50,130
["Heart of Gold" by
Neil Young playing]

1112
01:05:50,214 --> 01:05:52,633
[sighs, smacks lips]

1113
01:05:52,716 --> 01:05:54,969
I want them to be proud of me.

1114
01:05:57,846 --> 01:06:00,182
♪♪

1115
01:06:15,990 --> 01:06:18,576
♪ I want to live ♪

1116
01:06:19,702 --> 01:06:22,246
♪ I want to give ♪

1117
01:06:22,329 --> 01:06:24,373
♪ I've been a miner ♪

1118
01:06:24,456 --> 01:06:28,002
♪ For a heart of gold ♪

1119
01:06:28,085 --> 01:06:31,130
♪ It's these expressions ♪

1120
01:06:31,213 --> 01:06:34,216
♪ I never give that
keep me searching... ♪

1121
01:06:34,300 --> 01:06:36,927
[David]
You all right?

1122
01:06:37,011 --> 01:06:39,096
What's wrong? You nervous?

1123
01:06:39,179 --> 01:06:40,389
Yeah.

1124
01:06:40,472 --> 01:06:42,182
♪ And I'm getting old ♪

1125
01:06:45,019 --> 01:06:46,979
♪ Keep me searching for a... ♪

1126
01:06:47,062 --> 01:06:49,231
[Karen] Thank you
for marrying me.

1127
01:06:50,691 --> 01:06:52,651
Thank you for being
a perfect partner

1128
01:06:52,735 --> 01:06:54,695
in an imperfect world.

1129
01:06:56,488 --> 01:06:59,199
Thank you for introducing
me to your amazing son.

1130
01:06:59,283 --> 01:07:01,285
♪♪

1131
01:07:01,368 --> 01:07:03,287
[Karen]
Uh, I'm here for you,

1132
01:07:03,370 --> 01:07:04,622
and I'm here to stay.

1133
01:07:04,705 --> 01:07:06,707
[David] Karen,
thank you...

1134
01:07:06,790 --> 01:07:08,751
for loving me.

1135
01:07:10,127 --> 01:07:11,795
And thank you for loving him.

1136
01:07:11,879 --> 01:07:13,464
[applause]

1137
01:07:13,547 --> 01:07:15,227
♪ Keep me searching ♪
[whistling, cheering]

1138
01:07:15,299 --> 01:07:18,010
♪ For a heart of gold ♪

1139
01:07:18,093 --> 01:07:20,012
♪ You keep me searching ♪

1140
01:07:20,095 --> 01:07:21,805
♪ And I'm growing old ♪

1141
01:07:21,889 --> 01:07:24,308
Looks him square in the eye,
and he says, "Superman..."

1142
01:07:24,391 --> 01:07:27,770
♪ Keep me searching
for a heart of gold ♪

1143
01:07:27,853 --> 01:07:29,313
[Karen laughs]
[David] Perfect.

1144
01:07:29,396 --> 01:07:31,148
♪ I've been a miner ♪

1145
01:07:31,231 --> 01:07:34,777
[indistinct chatter]
♪ For a heart of gold ♪

1146
01:07:36,153 --> 01:07:37,821
♪ Ah ♪

1147
01:07:37,905 --> 01:07:39,281
♪ Mm. ♪

1148
01:07:41,909 --> 01:07:44,244
[dogs barking]

1149
01:07:49,291 --> 01:07:51,210
- Hey, good to see you.
- Good to see you.

1150
01:07:51,293 --> 01:07:53,671
Hey, Daisy. Hey, Daisy!

1151
01:07:57,049 --> 01:07:58,759
Hey, Jazzy Jeff.

1152
01:07:58,842 --> 01:08:00,803
What's going on, [Man]?

1153
01:08:00,886 --> 01:08:02,388
Hey, [Man], I miss you more

1154
01:08:02,471 --> 01:08:05,349
than the sun misses
the moon at night.

1155
01:08:05,432 --> 01:08:07,351
Mm. [kiss]

1156
01:08:09,019 --> 01:08:10,729
- Hey, Karen.
- Hey.

1157
01:08:16,110 --> 01:08:18,195
Thank you for inviting me.

1158
01:08:18,278 --> 01:08:19,822
Seriously.

1159
01:08:25,744 --> 01:08:27,746
[Daisy laughing in distance]

1160
01:08:33,919 --> 01:08:35,337
♪ Can't steal the way ♪

1161
01:08:35,421 --> 01:08:37,673
♪ I fuckin' felt
when I got up today ♪

1162
01:08:37,756 --> 01:08:39,466
♪ Well, I guess
you're the judge ♪

1163
01:08:39,550 --> 01:08:41,093
♪ I guess you're the king ♪

1164
01:08:41,176 --> 01:08:43,971
♪ Of the forever beauty
pageant I'm always... ♪

1165
01:08:47,474 --> 01:08:49,852
[indistinct chatter nearby]

1166
01:08:49,935 --> 01:08:52,062
[Nic] Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy!
Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy!

1167
01:08:52,146 --> 01:08:53,564
[Jasper]
Go, Daisy!

1168
01:08:53,647 --> 01:08:55,149
[David]
Hey, honey.

1169
01:08:55,232 --> 01:08:56,567
[Daisy laughing]

1170
01:08:58,902 --> 01:09:00,738
[Nic] Go, Daisy, go!

1171
01:09:00,821 --> 01:09:02,740
[kids laughing]

1172
01:09:04,867 --> 01:09:06,660
[David laughing]

1173
01:09:06,744 --> 01:09:08,912
[Daisy laughing]
[Jasper grunts]

1174
01:09:10,456 --> 01:09:12,750
[David] Nice.
[playful grunting and yelling]

1175
01:09:14,168 --> 01:09:15,419
[Daisy squealing]

1176
01:09:15,502 --> 01:09:18,130
Oh! Ah, you!

1177
01:09:18,213 --> 01:09:19,965
It's Daisy!

1178
01:09:20,048 --> 01:09:22,634
[David laughs]
[Nic yelling]

1179
01:09:22,718 --> 01:09:24,261
[David]
Whoa!

1180
01:09:24,344 --> 01:09:26,847
[laughter]

1181
01:09:26,930 --> 01:09:28,474
[playful shouts]

1182
01:09:28,557 --> 01:09:30,309
[David chuckling]

1183
01:09:32,519 --> 01:09:34,438
[David] "If
the marker is depleted

1184
01:09:34,521 --> 01:09:36,398
"in meth addicts' brains,

1185
01:09:36,482 --> 01:09:39,109
"it's likely there is a
loss of nerve terminals

1186
01:09:39,193 --> 01:09:41,653
"and the brain damage
is irreversible.

1187
01:09:41,737 --> 01:09:44,156
"However, when I
tested for VMAT2,

1188
01:09:44,239 --> 01:09:47,201
- I found normal levels."
- So that's optimistic.

1189
01:09:47,284 --> 01:09:49,161
- Normal levels
is optimistic, yeah.

1190
01:09:49,244 --> 01:09:50,871
- It's...

1191
01:09:50,954 --> 01:09:51,997
- It is.
- Okay.

1192
01:09:52,080 --> 01:09:53,558
- No. I'm not...
- I was just checking.

1193
01:09:53,582 --> 01:09:54,249
- No, no, that's good.
- Okay.

1194
01:09:54,333 --> 01:09:55,501
Basically...

1195
01:09:55,584 --> 01:09:56,877
the fried...

1196
01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:58,962
Nic's fried nerve endings

1197
01:09:59,046 --> 01:10:01,423
can grow back.

1198
01:10:01,507 --> 01:10:03,634
They say it can take
two years, but...

1199
01:10:03,717 --> 01:10:05,844
- Two years?
- Yeah.

1200
01:10:05,928 --> 01:10:08,388
But that's great, David.

1201
01:10:10,265 --> 01:10:12,059
[car door closes]

1202
01:10:13,977 --> 01:10:16,104
[footsteps approaching]

1203
01:10:17,981 --> 01:10:20,609
- Hey.
- Hey.

1204
01:10:20,692 --> 01:10:23,737
- You're kind of late.
- Yeah. It was a great meeting,

1205
01:10:23,821 --> 01:10:25,948
and after, we went to
the speaker's house

1206
01:10:26,031 --> 01:10:27,908
and watched a video and...

1207
01:10:27,991 --> 01:10:31,912
saw my sober sponsee
bros earlier, so...

1208
01:10:31,995 --> 01:10:33,956
No phone?

1209
01:10:34,039 --> 01:10:35,958
Oh, my cell was dead.

1210
01:10:38,877 --> 01:10:42,047
Would you be okay
to do a drug test?

1211
01:10:43,173 --> 01:10:45,342
Yeah, I mean, sure.

1212
01:10:45,425 --> 01:10:46,885
Okay.

1213
01:11:04,319 --> 01:11:06,864
You understand why, right?

1214
01:11:06,947 --> 01:11:11,243
Yeah. I mean, I should've
called to let you know, so...

1215
01:11:11,326 --> 01:11:15,122
I trust you... we just need
to have some sort of proof.

1216
01:11:18,959 --> 01:11:21,503
That's about as
contradictory as it gets.

1217
01:11:21,587 --> 01:11:23,797
- But...
- I know. I know.

1218
01:11:25,966 --> 01:11:28,135
I'll do it. No worries.

1219
01:11:28,218 --> 01:11:30,470
Nothing to hide.

1220
01:11:31,597 --> 01:11:32,973
Okay.

1221
01:11:35,309 --> 01:11:37,811
Hey, you're doing great.

1222
01:11:39,354 --> 01:11:41,148
You really are.

1223
01:11:41,231 --> 01:11:44,151
By my count, 485 days clean.

1224
01:11:44,234 --> 01:11:46,278
Wow. Come on, that's...

1225
01:11:50,282 --> 01:11:52,993
I'll just leave it in the
bathroom, right? Okay.

1226
01:11:54,119 --> 01:11:55,621
All right.

1227
01:11:55,704 --> 01:11:57,623
- Good night, Dad.
- Good night.

1228
01:11:57,706 --> 01:11:59,708
- I love you.
- I love you, too.

1229
01:12:23,607 --> 01:12:25,901
[gulls calling]

1230
01:12:31,156 --> 01:12:33,075
[Nic] All right, Jasper,
you ready?

1231
01:12:33,158 --> 01:12:35,243
- Yep. Let's go,
let's go, let's go.

1232
01:12:35,327 --> 01:12:37,454
Hey. No, no, no, wait.

1233
01:12:37,537 --> 01:12:40,582
- Jasper, I don't want you
to go out there.

1234
01:12:40,666 --> 01:12:42,376
- What? Mom, we
won't go far, I swear!

1235
01:12:42,459 --> 01:12:44,312
[Karen] The waves are too
big. It's too dangerous.

1236
01:12:44,336 --> 01:12:45,416
- But I am a great swimmer.

1237
01:12:45,462 --> 01:12:46,773
I've been in waves
way bigger than this.

1238
01:12:46,797 --> 01:12:49,383
Yes, I know that, but
I don't want you to...

1239
01:12:49,466 --> 01:12:50,944
- Yeah, I'll stay close.
- Nic will stay close,

1240
01:12:50,968 --> 01:12:52,844
you see?

1241
01:12:52,928 --> 01:12:54,513
[Nic] Karen, I'm
gonna stay...

1242
01:12:54,596 --> 01:12:56,473
- I'll stay close.
[Karen] Nic can go in.

1243
01:12:56,556 --> 01:12:57,641
That's fine. You, no.

1244
01:12:57,724 --> 01:12:59,601
And that is final.

1245
01:12:59,685 --> 01:13:01,061
[Jasper] We'll
see about that.

1246
01:13:01,144 --> 01:13:03,772
[Karen] Hey!
[Nic] Okay. It's fine.

1247
01:13:03,855 --> 01:13:06,066
It's fine.

1248
01:13:14,992 --> 01:13:16,910
Should we just play
a game instead?

1249
01:13:16,994 --> 01:13:19,121
- Uh...
- Yeah?

1250
01:13:21,623 --> 01:13:23,834
[Nic] Are you a hurfboard?

1251
01:13:23,917 --> 01:13:26,253
- [chuckles] No.
- No?

1252
01:13:26,336 --> 01:13:28,255
Are you a hicycle?

1253
01:13:28,338 --> 01:13:30,090
- [chuckles] No.
- No?

1254
01:13:30,173 --> 01:13:32,801
Okay. Uh, are you edible?

1255
01:13:32,884 --> 01:13:34,177
Not really.

1256
01:13:34,261 --> 01:13:36,263
- Not really?
- Not really.

1257
01:13:36,346 --> 01:13:37,806
So, sort of.

1258
01:13:37,889 --> 01:13:40,434
So, um...

1259
01:13:40,517 --> 01:13:41,852
are you a house?

1260
01:13:41,935 --> 01:13:45,439
- Yes. How did you know?
[chuckling]

1261
01:13:45,522 --> 01:13:47,232
You know,

1262
01:13:47,315 --> 01:13:49,860
I can read your mind.

1263
01:13:49,943 --> 01:13:52,529
- [spookily] Ooh...
- Ooh...

1264
01:13:52,612 --> 01:13:53,864
[Jasper grunts]

1265
01:13:53,947 --> 01:13:55,365
I know you're a great swimmer.

1266
01:13:55,449 --> 01:13:57,176
I'm gonna be there to cheer
for you at your next swim meet.

1267
01:13:57,200 --> 01:13:58,035
How does that sound?

1268
01:13:58,118 --> 01:13:59,661
Yeah?

1269
01:13:59,745 --> 01:14:02,414
Okay.

1270
01:14:02,497 --> 01:14:04,750
Hey, is it weird to see
me after all this time?

1271
01:14:04,833 --> 01:14:05,834
Or no?

1272
01:14:05,917 --> 01:14:08,253
- I guess it was, at first.
- Okay

1273
01:14:08,336 --> 01:14:10,547
- I thought you might be
different.

1274
01:14:10,630 --> 01:14:13,175
But you're just
the same old Nic.

1275
01:14:14,885 --> 01:14:16,803
[Nic chuckles]

1276
01:14:18,221 --> 01:14:20,557
["Wiseblood" by
Zola Jesus playing]

1277
01:14:21,641 --> 01:14:25,562
♪ This'll be ♪

1278
01:14:25,645 --> 01:14:29,566
♪ My last home ♪

1279
01:14:29,649 --> 01:14:31,985
- ♪ But this stream ♪
[Nic] All right. Thanks.

1280
01:14:32,069 --> 01:14:35,989
♪ Will carry me through ♪

1281
01:14:36,073 --> 01:14:39,201
- That was a great weekend.
- Mm-hmm.

1282
01:14:39,284 --> 01:14:41,912
- ♪ But this stream ♪
- Bye, Nic!

1283
01:14:41,995 --> 01:14:46,666
♪ Isn't home no more ♪

1284
01:14:46,750 --> 01:14:48,877
♪ And truth can ♪

1285
01:14:48,960 --> 01:14:53,507
♪ Make immune ♪

1286
01:14:53,590 --> 01:14:56,384
♪ If it doesn't
make you wiser ♪

1287
01:14:56,468 --> 01:14:58,136
♪ Doesn't make you stronger ♪

1288
01:14:58,220 --> 01:15:02,474
♪ Doesn't make you
live a little bit ♪

1289
01:15:02,557 --> 01:15:07,437
♪ What are you doing? ♪

1290
01:15:07,521 --> 01:15:10,107
[cheering and applause]

1291
01:15:10,190 --> 01:15:12,776
♪ If it doesn't
make you wiser ♪

1292
01:15:12,859 --> 01:15:15,278
♪ Doesn't make you stronger ♪

1293
01:15:15,362 --> 01:15:19,032
♪ Doesn't make you
live a little bit ♪

1294
01:15:19,116 --> 01:15:26,081
♪ What are you doing? ♪

1295
01:15:26,164 --> 01:15:28,500
[cheering, chatter]

1296
01:15:32,379 --> 01:15:35,173
- Go, Nic!
[cheering]

1297
01:15:35,257 --> 01:15:37,551
[cheering and applause]

1298
01:15:42,055 --> 01:15:43,390
♪♪

1299
01:15:43,473 --> 01:15:47,018
♪ In these parting days ♪

1300
01:15:47,102 --> 01:15:51,898
♪ I am losing all my senses ♪

1301
01:15:51,982 --> 01:15:54,860
♪ In these timeless days ♪

1302
01:15:54,943 --> 01:16:01,074
♪ I can barely see through. ♪

1303
01:16:02,576 --> 01:16:05,120
Bye, Nic! Bye, Nic!

1304
01:16:05,203 --> 01:16:07,330
Bye, Nic!

1305
01:16:12,169 --> 01:16:14,504
♪♪

1306
01:16:29,895 --> 01:16:32,439
[Spencer over phone]
One day at a time, Man.

1307
01:16:32,522 --> 01:16:33,791
Congratulations. Welcome
to the real world.

1308
01:16:33,815 --> 01:16:35,710
[Nic] Oh, I don't want to
live in the real world.

1309
01:16:35,734 --> 01:16:37,277
I'm so sick of living in it.

1310
01:16:37,360 --> 01:16:38,838
- That's your disease
talking to you, Man.

1311
01:16:38,862 --> 01:16:40,423
- Oh, I'm trying.
- By trying to isolate you.

1312
01:16:40,447 --> 01:16:41,967
Trying to kill you.
You know this, Man.

1313
01:16:42,032 --> 01:16:43,783
I don't feel like I have
a disease, Spencer.

1314
01:16:43,867 --> 01:16:45,660
I feel like...

1315
01:16:45,744 --> 01:16:48,705
- Well, you got to.
- This isn't like fucking cancer.

1316
01:16:48,788 --> 01:16:52,042
This is my fucking choice.
I put myself here.

1317
01:16:52,125 --> 01:16:53,765
Yeah, you did. You did
put yourself there.

1318
01:16:53,793 --> 01:16:55,462
Are you gonna let
me talk or what?

1319
01:16:55,545 --> 01:16:58,465
Okay? Like, you're a
writer, right? So write.

1320
01:16:58,548 --> 01:17:00,800
You're good at it. This is
your day. This is a choice.

1321
01:17:00,884 --> 01:17:02,612
- What do you want to do now?
- [whispers] Fucking...

1322
01:17:02,636 --> 01:17:04,363
Once you get high, you
lose all your choices.

1323
01:17:04,387 --> 01:17:06,115
- If you get high, you lose everything.
- Right.

1324
01:17:06,139 --> 01:17:08,892
All right, so you got to
keep choosing the right way.

1325
01:17:11,561 --> 01:17:13,480
- Right.
- That's right.

1326
01:17:13,563 --> 01:17:15,315
You choose the right way.

1327
01:17:15,398 --> 01:17:16,816
Right. All right, hey, listen,

1328
01:17:16,900 --> 01:17:18,419
I'm gonna give you a
call later, all right?

1329
01:17:18,443 --> 01:17:19,879
Uh, I-I feel like I'm
gonna do all right.

1330
01:17:19,903 --> 01:17:21,196
You blowing me off now?

1331
01:17:21,279 --> 01:17:22,822
You gonna call me
and waste my time?

1332
01:17:22,906 --> 01:17:24,616
Don't waste my time.
I'm here for you, Man.

1333
01:17:24,699 --> 01:17:26,260
You know what, look, I'm
having some steaks tonight.

1334
01:17:26,284 --> 01:17:27,428
Why don't you come
over for dinner.

1335
01:17:27,452 --> 01:17:28,638
- All right, I'll see you then.
- You...

1336
01:17:28,662 --> 01:17:30,056
That sounds great.
I'll see you then.

1337
01:17:30,080 --> 01:17:31,515
- Yo, Nic, Nic.
- Yes, sir. I'll see you then.

1338
01:17:31,539 --> 01:17:33,583
- Nic...
- All right, bye-bye.

1339
01:17:50,475 --> 01:17:52,394
[sighs]

1340
01:17:52,477 --> 01:17:54,771
[crying]

1341
01:18:15,375 --> 01:18:17,711
[muffled music playing]

1342
01:18:17,794 --> 01:18:20,130
[indistinct chatter]

1343
01:18:31,224 --> 01:18:33,226
[Woman]
Nic Sheff.

1344
01:18:33,310 --> 01:18:35,228
Lauren. What?

1345
01:18:35,312 --> 01:18:37,480
What are you...
[chuckles]

1346
01:18:37,564 --> 01:18:39,316
[chuckles]

1347
01:18:39,399 --> 01:18:41,067
Wow, it's been a long time.

1348
01:18:41,151 --> 01:18:42,527
What-what are you doing here?

1349
01:18:42,610 --> 01:18:45,155
[chuckles] Just, uh...

1350
01:18:45,238 --> 01:18:46,990
[chuckles]

1351
01:18:47,073 --> 01:18:49,284
What?

1352
01:18:52,495 --> 01:18:54,080
I've been sober for a while,

1353
01:18:54,164 --> 01:18:57,083
but I'm seriously looking
to party right now.

1354
01:18:57,167 --> 01:19:00,337
[both chuckle]

1355
01:19:04,883 --> 01:19:07,010
[indistinct chatter]

1356
01:19:07,093 --> 01:19:09,346
[siren wailing in distance]

1357
01:19:18,605 --> 01:19:20,398
[laughter]

1358
01:19:20,482 --> 01:19:23,109
I got what you need. We
have E, we have pills, Man.

1359
01:19:23,193 --> 01:19:25,236
We have E. I told
you, I told you.

1360
01:19:25,320 --> 01:19:27,238
[light switch clicks]

1361
01:19:27,322 --> 01:19:29,449
[door shuts]

1362
01:19:33,244 --> 01:19:35,955
[Nic] Can you get me a cup
of water and a spoon?

1363
01:19:36,039 --> 01:19:37,374
Mm-hmm.

1364
01:19:37,457 --> 01:19:39,751
All right.

1365
01:19:45,632 --> 01:19:47,550
♪♪

1366
01:19:53,431 --> 01:19:56,101
[footsteps approaching]

1367
01:19:56,184 --> 01:19:58,520
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.

1368
01:19:58,603 --> 01:20:01,147
- Here you go.
- Thank you.

1369
01:20:02,232 --> 01:20:04,359
Cotton and a spoon.

1370
01:20:16,496 --> 01:20:19,374
[chuckling softly]

1371
01:20:23,420 --> 01:20:24,754
[clears throat]

1372
01:20:24,838 --> 01:20:27,090
[coughs]

1373
01:20:27,173 --> 01:20:29,926
Mmm.

1374
01:20:30,009 --> 01:20:32,345
[laughing]

1375
01:20:40,687 --> 01:20:42,856
[Nic] All right, that's it.
[exhales]

1376
01:20:42,939 --> 01:20:44,858
That's it.

1377
01:20:44,941 --> 01:20:47,527
[groans]

1378
01:20:47,610 --> 01:20:49,195
[coughs, gasps]

1379
01:20:49,279 --> 01:20:51,364
[exhales]

1380
01:20:51,448 --> 01:20:52,782
[chuckles]

1381
01:20:52,866 --> 01:20:54,534
[inhales deeply]

1382
01:20:54,617 --> 01:20:56,536
[exhales] Wow.

1383
01:20:56,619 --> 01:20:58,496
[sniffs]

1384
01:20:58,580 --> 01:21:01,499
[sighs]

1385
01:21:21,478 --> 01:21:23,813
[panting]

1386
01:21:39,287 --> 01:21:41,581
[panting]

1387
01:21:49,214 --> 01:21:51,508
[panting]

1388
01:21:55,094 --> 01:21:56,971
[grunts]

1389
01:21:59,432 --> 01:22:01,768
[panting]

1390
01:22:14,280 --> 01:22:17,450
[panting]

1391
01:22:17,534 --> 01:22:19,285
[panting]
[groans]

1392
01:22:19,369 --> 01:22:21,621
[panting]

1393
01:22:26,834 --> 01:22:30,380
[panting]
[groans, panting]

1394
01:22:30,463 --> 01:22:32,799
[panting]

1395
01:22:35,468 --> 01:22:37,804
[moaning, panting deeply]

1396
01:22:46,396 --> 01:22:48,356
[birds chirping]

1397
01:22:48,439 --> 01:22:50,775
[children laughing and
shouting in distance]

1398
01:23:09,419 --> 01:23:11,754
[inhales]

1399
01:23:15,925 --> 01:23:17,969
[Answering machine]
Your call has been forwarded

1400
01:23:18,052 --> 01:23:19,971
to an automated voice
messaging system.

1401
01:23:20,054 --> 01:23:21,848
At the tone, please
record your message.

1402
01:23:21,931 --> 01:23:23,182
[beep]

1403
01:23:23,266 --> 01:23:24,601
[David]
It's Dad again.

1404
01:23:24,684 --> 01:23:26,853
I feel like you might
have been a little down

1405
01:23:26,936 --> 01:23:29,772
when you left, Nic, so I'm
here to talk if you need to.

1406
01:23:29,856 --> 01:23:32,442
[sniffles]
All right.

1407
01:23:36,237 --> 01:23:38,573
[sighs]

1408
01:23:44,537 --> 01:23:46,956
So you have no
idea where he is?

1409
01:23:47,040 --> 01:23:49,500
[Vicki] Uh, Spencer told
me he heard from him.

1410
01:23:49,584 --> 01:23:52,462
He was having a difficult time,
but he was pulling through.

1411
01:23:52,545 --> 01:23:56,257
But, yeah, he's not at
work, he's not at home.

1412
01:23:56,341 --> 01:23:58,635
- He's unreachable on his cell.
- Damn it. Damn it. Vicki,

1413
01:23:58,718 --> 01:24:01,638
he left here two days ago.
Why didn't you check on him?

1414
01:24:01,721 --> 01:24:04,015
You're supposed to be taking
care of this kid, right?

1415
01:24:04,098 --> 01:24:05,642
What the fuck, David?

1416
01:24:05,725 --> 01:24:07,935
Who's been taking care
of him the last year?

1417
01:24:08,019 --> 01:24:09,562
Well, you could've
checked on him.

1418
01:24:09,646 --> 01:24:11,314
I mean, what the fuck
is your problem?

1419
01:24:11,397 --> 01:24:13,816
What do you think I do all day?

1420
01:24:13,900 --> 01:24:17,278
Besides, we can't run
surveillance on him 24/7.

1421
01:24:17,362 --> 01:24:20,239
I think you need to go
to the police right now

1422
01:24:20,323 --> 01:24:22,283
and file a missing
persons report, okay?

1423
01:24:22,367 --> 01:24:24,243
- Stop yelling at me!
- No, I'm not gonna stop

1424
01:24:24,327 --> 01:24:26,496
- yelling at you, Vicki.
- I hate it when you do that.

1425
01:24:26,579 --> 01:24:28,015
- Because you're just...
- You're totally crazy.

1426
01:24:28,039 --> 01:24:29,332
What are you even doing there?!

1427
01:24:29,415 --> 01:24:31,295
- Fucking unfair, David!
- No, no! Listen to me!

1428
01:24:31,334 --> 01:24:33,252
What are...
[beeping]

1429
01:24:34,337 --> 01:24:36,589
[exhales] Damn.

1430
01:24:36,673 --> 01:24:39,092
Fuck!

1431
01:24:45,723 --> 01:24:47,392
Dave?

1432
01:24:47,475 --> 01:24:50,144
Could you call my
phone, please?

1433
01:24:53,189 --> 01:24:55,024
What's going on?

1434
01:24:55,108 --> 01:24:56,901
He's gone.

1435
01:24:58,361 --> 01:25:01,364
How do we even
know he's in L.A.?

1436
01:25:01,447 --> 01:25:03,991
I mean, he could be in San
Francisco. He could be...

1437
01:25:04,075 --> 01:25:06,452
he could be in fucking
Mexico, for all we know.

1438
01:25:06,536 --> 01:25:07,995
I need to go.

1439
01:25:08,079 --> 01:25:10,707
Yeah, but I need you to stay.

1440
01:25:10,790 --> 01:25:12,583
Well, Vicki can't
handle it like I...

1441
01:25:12,667 --> 01:25:14,919
I don't care about Vicki.
This isn't about Vicki.

1442
01:25:15,002 --> 01:25:18,589
Okay, why don't you just relax
and try to be reasonable.

1443
01:25:18,673 --> 01:25:20,842
- What? You be reasonable.
- I am being reasonable.

1444
01:25:20,925 --> 01:25:21,925
Is this reasonable?!

1445
01:25:21,968 --> 01:25:24,470
No! It's not!

1446
01:25:24,554 --> 01:25:25,888
How can I be?!

1447
01:25:25,972 --> 01:25:27,515
My son is out there somewhere,

1448
01:25:27,598 --> 01:25:29,183
and I don't know
what he's doing!

1449
01:25:29,267 --> 01:25:30,727
I don't know how to help him!

1450
01:25:30,810 --> 01:25:33,229
You can't!

1451
01:25:43,823 --> 01:25:45,491
[Daisy]
I can't sleep.

1452
01:25:45,575 --> 01:25:47,910
[sniffles]

1453
01:25:49,620 --> 01:25:50,496
You can't sleep?

1454
01:25:50,580 --> 01:25:52,039
I can't sleep.

1455
01:25:52,123 --> 01:25:53,291
Okay.

1456
01:25:53,374 --> 01:25:55,084
[Daisy whimpers]

1457
01:25:57,503 --> 01:25:59,422
Good night, Daddy.

1458
01:26:00,506 --> 01:26:02,008
Good night.

1459
01:26:02,091 --> 01:26:03,885
♪ Sunrise ♪

1460
01:26:03,968 --> 01:26:06,471
♪ Sunset ♪

1461
01:26:06,554 --> 01:26:08,890
♪♪

1462
01:26:26,949 --> 01:26:29,619
♪ Is this the little girl ♪

1463
01:26:29,702 --> 01:26:32,455
♪ I carried? ♪

1464
01:26:34,415 --> 01:26:37,376
♪ Is this the little boy ♪

1465
01:26:37,460 --> 01:26:39,378
♪ At play? ♪

1466
01:26:39,462 --> 01:26:41,130
Let go!

1467
01:26:41,214 --> 01:26:42,799
Airplane flying!

1468
01:26:42,882 --> 01:26:44,383
♪ I don't remember ♪
[whooping]

1469
01:26:44,467 --> 01:26:47,845
- ♪ Growing older ♪
Airplane!

1470
01:26:47,929 --> 01:26:49,847
Fly away! Fly!

1471
01:26:49,931 --> 01:26:51,599
[whoops]

1472
01:26:51,682 --> 01:26:55,311
- ♪ When did they? ♪
Airplane! Push!

1473
01:26:58,523 --> 01:27:01,526
♪ When did she get to be ♪

1474
01:27:01,609 --> 01:27:03,903
♪ A beauty? ♪

1475
01:27:03,986 --> 01:27:06,239
[typing]

1476
01:27:06,322 --> 01:27:08,908
♪ When did he grow to be ♪

1477
01:27:08,991 --> 01:27:11,702
♪ So tall? ♪

1478
01:27:11,786 --> 01:27:14,372
♪ Ooh... ♪

1479
01:27:14,455 --> 01:27:16,666
♪ Wasn't it yesterday ♪

1480
01:27:16,749 --> 01:27:19,335
♪ That they ♪

1481
01:27:19,418 --> 01:27:24,215
♪ Were small? ♪

1482
01:27:24,298 --> 01:27:26,592
♪♪

1483
01:27:29,095 --> 01:27:31,389
♪ Sunrise ♪

1484
01:27:31,472 --> 01:27:33,766
♪ Sunset ♪

1485
01:27:33,850 --> 01:27:35,810
♪ Sunrise ♪

1486
01:27:35,893 --> 01:27:37,436
♪ Sunset ♪

1487
01:27:37,520 --> 01:27:40,106
♪ Swiftly ♪
[indistinct chatter]

1488
01:27:40,189 --> 01:27:45,862
♪ Fly the years ♪

1489
01:27:45,945 --> 01:27:47,864
♪ One season ♪

1490
01:27:47,947 --> 01:27:54,453
♪ Following another ♪

1491
01:27:54,537 --> 01:27:57,874
♪ Laden with happiness... ♪

1492
01:27:57,957 --> 01:27:59,309
[Karen] No. Uh-uh. Come on, not
you. Come on.

1493
01:27:59,333 --> 01:28:00,585
[David] Hold on.

1494
01:28:00,668 --> 01:28:01,937
- Get back in. Guys, come on.
- Hold on. Hold on, honey.

1495
01:28:01,961 --> 01:28:03,004
- Wait.
- Good dog.

1496
01:28:03,087 --> 01:28:04,839
- ♪ One season... ♪
- What's up?

1497
01:28:04,922 --> 01:28:08,134
I thought Nic was
gonna be here today.

1498
01:28:08,217 --> 01:28:10,428
Uh, no. Something came up.

1499
01:28:11,512 --> 01:28:13,598
Can I call him?

1500
01:28:13,681 --> 01:28:15,600
No, no. You can't.

1501
01:28:15,683 --> 01:28:17,184
It's not gonna be possible.

1502
01:28:17,268 --> 01:28:18,269
Why not?

1503
01:28:18,352 --> 01:28:20,271
Because it's not.

1504
01:28:20,354 --> 01:28:23,107
Is Nic back on drugs again?

1505
01:28:23,190 --> 01:28:25,234
♪ Sunrise ♪

1506
01:28:25,318 --> 01:28:27,194
♪ Sunset ♪

1507
01:28:27,278 --> 01:28:29,947
- ♪ Sunrise ♪
- We don't know, honey.

1508
01:28:30,031 --> 01:28:32,491
♪ Sunset. ♪

1509
01:28:43,002 --> 01:28:45,338
[chiming quietly]

1510
01:28:46,505 --> 01:28:49,759
[phone ringing]

1511
01:28:58,100 --> 01:29:00,436
[phone ringing in distance]

1512
01:29:03,856 --> 01:29:06,150
[phone ringing]

1513
01:29:07,860 --> 01:29:10,196
[wind chimes tinkling]

1514
01:29:26,712 --> 01:29:29,090
[rattling]

1515
01:29:41,185 --> 01:29:42,853
[mutters]

1516
01:29:59,286 --> 01:30:00,830
[clattering]

1517
01:30:02,039 --> 01:30:03,708
[rattling]

1518
01:30:06,168 --> 01:30:08,004
All right.

1519
01:30:39,452 --> 01:30:41,203
[inhales deeply]

1520
01:30:41,287 --> 01:30:43,581
[exhales]

1521
01:30:55,509 --> 01:30:57,845
[birds chirping]

1522
01:31:23,496 --> 01:31:25,748
[clicks tongue]

1523
01:31:39,178 --> 01:31:41,764
[applause and cheering]

1524
01:31:41,847 --> 01:31:43,432
[whooping, indistinct shouting]

1525
01:31:43,516 --> 01:31:45,267
[buzzer sounds]

1526
01:31:45,351 --> 01:31:46,727
[whoops]

1527
01:31:46,811 --> 01:31:48,145
[applause and cheering]

1528
01:31:48,229 --> 01:31:50,523
Come on,
Jasper! Whup.

1529
01:31:55,402 --> 01:31:57,571
[whistling, whooping,
shouting, cheering continue]

1530
01:32:03,285 --> 01:32:05,204
Yup.

1531
01:32:09,041 --> 01:32:11,085
[cheering]

1532
01:32:13,838 --> 01:32:16,132
[applause, cheering, whistling
continue in distance]

1533
01:32:23,681 --> 01:32:26,684
[vehicle approaching]

1534
01:32:26,767 --> 01:32:28,686
[quiet beeping]

1535
01:32:28,769 --> 01:32:29,812
[David]
You got it?

1536
01:32:29,895 --> 01:32:31,897
Oh, fuck. Okay.
Hey, Lauren.

1537
01:32:33,190 --> 01:32:34,900
- Lauren, let's go.
- What?

1538
01:32:34,984 --> 01:32:36,527
We got to go.

1539
01:32:36,610 --> 01:32:38,154
[dog barking]

1540
01:32:38,237 --> 01:32:40,072
- What's going on?
- Here.

1541
01:32:40,156 --> 01:32:42,783
We got to go.

1542
01:32:42,867 --> 01:32:44,785
Fine.

1543
01:32:59,133 --> 01:33:01,677
[Jasper]
I think I just saw Nic.

1544
01:33:01,760 --> 01:33:03,470
[Karen]
What?

1545
01:33:03,554 --> 01:33:06,640
I think I just saw Nic
and a girl running away.

1546
01:33:06,724 --> 01:33:08,642
[panting]

1547
01:33:13,439 --> 01:33:14,899
[Daisy]
Nic.

1548
01:33:14,982 --> 01:33:16,442
[Karen] Uh, no.
Stay inside.

1549
01:33:16,525 --> 01:33:18,277
- Okay.
- No.

1550
01:33:18,360 --> 01:33:22,156
All right, no. Stay inside!
I am not kidding, all right?

1551
01:33:22,239 --> 01:33:23,908
Stay there.

1552
01:33:23,991 --> 01:33:25,576
[door opens]

1553
01:33:25,659 --> 01:33:27,036
[Lauren grunts softly]

1554
01:33:27,119 --> 01:33:29,038
- Okay.
[car door closes]

1555
01:33:29,121 --> 01:33:31,665
[whispering]
Shit. Never again.

1556
01:33:31,749 --> 01:33:33,959
- It's okay. Hey.
- What do we do? What do we do?

1557
01:33:34,043 --> 01:33:35,419
It's all right.

1558
01:33:35,502 --> 01:33:37,421
[birds singing]

1559
01:33:40,424 --> 01:33:42,551
That was so terrible.

1560
01:33:42,635 --> 01:33:45,763
Oh, fuck!

1561
01:33:45,846 --> 01:33:48,641
[engine starts]

1562
01:33:48,724 --> 01:33:50,142
[engine revving]

1563
01:33:50,226 --> 01:33:52,561
Nic? Nic? Nic!

1564
01:33:54,355 --> 01:33:55,648
Oh...

1565
01:33:56,357 --> 01:33:59,193
♪ All the ladies of court ♪

1566
01:33:59,276 --> 01:34:01,028
♪ Gather round ♪

1567
01:34:02,446 --> 01:34:04,782
♪ Joining in heavenly fare ♪

1568
01:34:04,865 --> 01:34:06,909
[engine revving]

1569
01:34:06,992 --> 01:34:08,911
Oh. No. No. No.

1570
01:34:08,994 --> 01:34:11,455
- [sighs]
♪ Gathering promises ♪

1571
01:34:11,538 --> 01:34:13,540
♪ Of future heroes ♪

1572
01:34:13,624 --> 01:34:16,001
♪ Showing faith ♪

1573
01:34:16,085 --> 01:34:18,671
♪ It is all as you go ♪

1574
01:34:21,465 --> 01:34:26,679
♪ Red light and green light
and men in their armor ♪

1575
01:34:26,762 --> 01:34:31,809
♪ And fight for the
queen if you dare ♪

1576
01:34:33,435 --> 01:34:36,855
♪ It's a long way to go ♪

1577
01:34:36,939 --> 01:34:40,067
♪ To test out your mettle ♪

1578
01:34:40,150 --> 01:34:43,195
♪ Well, a long way to go ♪

1579
01:34:43,279 --> 01:34:47,283
♪ To go down ♪

1580
01:34:51,578 --> 01:34:53,831
♪ And I'll write
them a letter ♪

1581
01:34:55,916 --> 01:34:59,378
♪ I said forgive
all we've done ♪

1582
01:35:01,088 --> 01:35:06,218
♪ Please first grant
this favor, sir ♪

1583
01:35:06,302 --> 01:35:08,762
♪ Forgive us quick
or we'll run ♪

1584
01:35:12,850 --> 01:35:14,768
♪ Or we'll run ♪

1585
01:35:17,896 --> 01:35:19,565
♪ Or we'll run ♪

1586
01:35:19,648 --> 01:35:22,443
[sighs]

1587
01:35:22,526 --> 01:35:24,945
♪ Or we'll run ♪

1588
01:35:25,029 --> 01:35:27,740
Come on!

1589
01:35:27,823 --> 01:35:30,367
♪ Or... ♪

1590
01:35:30,451 --> 01:35:35,664
♪ We'll run... ♪

1591
01:35:51,096 --> 01:35:53,223
[crying]

1592
01:35:55,225 --> 01:35:58,395
[crying]
- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

1593
01:36:02,399 --> 01:36:04,318
[birds singing]

1594
01:36:05,527 --> 01:36:07,154
[crying]

1595
01:36:07,237 --> 01:36:09,114
[distant horns honk]

1596
01:36:13,327 --> 01:36:15,662
[panting]

1597
01:36:18,624 --> 01:36:21,335
[Nic clears throat]

1598
01:36:22,503 --> 01:36:24,213
Okay. Okay.

1599
01:36:24,296 --> 01:36:26,382
[line ringing]

1600
01:36:26,465 --> 01:36:29,009
[Woman over phone]
911. What is your emergency?

1601
01:36:29,093 --> 01:36:31,053
Yeah. Hi. Uh, I got a f...
I'm-I'm with a friend.

1602
01:36:31,136 --> 01:36:32,388
She just O.D.'d, and, uh,

1603
01:36:32,471 --> 01:36:34,014
I need an ambulance,
I need some help.

1604
01:36:34,098 --> 01:36:35,432
Sir, do you know CPR?

1605
01:36:35,516 --> 01:36:37,035
Yeah, I'm doing it
right now. I just...

1606
01:36:37,059 --> 01:36:39,139
Uh, we... You-you guys, you
got to send an ambulance,

1607
01:36:39,186 --> 01:36:41,355
- too, all right?
- What is your location?

1608
01:36:41,438 --> 01:36:43,399
Yeah, I don't know.

1609
01:36:43,482 --> 01:36:45,085
Y-You-you guys are gonna
have to trace the call.

1610
01:36:45,109 --> 01:36:46,819
[Woman]
Hello?

1611
01:36:46,902 --> 01:36:50,239
Hello? Sir, are
you still there?

1612
01:36:50,322 --> 01:36:52,574
[Lauren gasps loudly, shrieks]
- Sir?

1613
01:36:52,658 --> 01:36:55,411
[Lauren coughs]
[operator speaks indistinctly]

1614
01:36:55,494 --> 01:36:57,037
[Woman]
Sir? Sir?

1615
01:36:57,121 --> 01:37:00,916
[coughing, gasping]

1616
01:37:00,999 --> 01:37:03,419
[Lauren gasping, coughing]
[operator speaks indistinctly]

1617
01:37:05,963 --> 01:37:08,882
[Lauren sighs] -Look up.
[garbled radio transmission]

1618
01:37:08,966 --> 01:37:10,592
Honey, look up for me.

1619
01:37:12,219 --> 01:37:15,514
Can you look up
this way over here?

1620
01:37:15,597 --> 01:37:17,599
Hey, look, we're gonna need
to take you to the ER.

1621
01:37:17,683 --> 01:37:19,101
I-I don't... I don't
want to. I-I...

1622
01:37:19,184 --> 01:37:20,745
- We need to take you to the ER.
- I'm fine.

1623
01:37:20,769 --> 01:37:22,247
She doesn't want to go
to the ER. She's...

1624
01:37:22,271 --> 01:37:23,748
She's... No, she's not
okay. We need to take her

1625
01:37:23,772 --> 01:37:25,166
- to the ER.
- But she doesn't want to go.

1626
01:37:25,190 --> 01:37:26,817
No, sir, she needs to go!

1627
01:37:26,900 --> 01:37:28,527
[Lauren whimpers]
- Okay?

1628
01:37:28,610 --> 01:37:31,071
You have a problem with that,
I can inform the police.

1629
01:37:31,155 --> 01:37:32,781
Goddamn it.
[Lauren whimpers]

1630
01:37:32,865 --> 01:37:36,285
You're gonna come
and meet me, right?

1631
01:37:36,368 --> 01:37:37,744
- Yes. Yes!
- You promise?

1632
01:37:37,828 --> 01:37:40,205
[crying]
I love you.

1633
01:37:40,289 --> 01:37:42,666
- I love you, too.
[garbled radio transmission]

1634
01:37:42,749 --> 01:37:44,293
You promise you're
gonna meet me?

1635
01:37:44,376 --> 01:37:45,770
- Yes, Lauren. I'll
come fucking meet you.

1636
01:37:45,794 --> 01:37:46,670
What do you want from me?

1637
01:37:46,753 --> 01:37:49,715
- Okay, okay.
- Jesus fucking Christ.

1638
01:37:55,345 --> 01:37:58,140
[breathing loudly]

1639
01:38:03,228 --> 01:38:04,646
[breathing loudly]

1640
01:38:04,730 --> 01:38:06,815
[dialing phone]

1641
01:38:09,693 --> 01:38:13,155
[line ringing]

1642
01:38:16,116 --> 01:38:18,452
[David over phone]
David Sheff.

1643
01:38:18,535 --> 01:38:20,245
Hey, Dad. It's me.

1644
01:38:20,329 --> 01:38:22,873
[panting]

1645
01:38:22,956 --> 01:38:25,417
- Nic?
- Yeah.

1646
01:38:25,501 --> 01:38:27,794
[panting]

1647
01:38:33,884 --> 01:38:35,844
Please don't hate me, Dad.

1648
01:38:37,471 --> 01:38:39,389
I know I did wrong.

1649
01:38:41,183 --> 01:38:43,185
I want to stop, but
please, please, please,

1650
01:38:43,268 --> 01:38:45,062
please, please, please
no rehab, all right?

1651
01:38:45,145 --> 01:38:47,898
Just let me come
home. You know what?

1652
01:38:47,981 --> 01:38:51,735
I realize it's actually
I... I-I need to be home.

1653
01:38:51,818 --> 01:38:56,532
You guys, you guys are gonna
give me the strength to stop.

1654
01:38:56,615 --> 01:38:58,575
All right?

1655
01:38:58,659 --> 01:39:01,411
[panting]

1656
01:39:01,495 --> 01:39:03,413
That's not going to happen.

1657
01:39:12,756 --> 01:39:15,801
I wish that I could help you,

1658
01:39:15,884 --> 01:39:17,803
but I can't do that.

1659
01:39:17,886 --> 01:39:19,596
I c... I can't.

1660
01:39:19,680 --> 01:39:21,682
Oh, please help me, Dad.

1661
01:39:23,225 --> 01:39:25,394
[Nic over the phone] No, Dad.
I just need a little bit

1662
01:39:25,477 --> 01:39:27,437
of help.

1663
01:39:27,521 --> 01:39:29,565
Please help me. I
want to come home.

1664
01:39:29,648 --> 01:39:32,317
All I can tell you is
what you already know.

1665
01:39:32,401 --> 01:39:35,070
- Dad, why aren't you
fucking listening to me?

1666
01:39:35,153 --> 01:39:36,780
- Call your sponsor.

1667
01:39:36,863 --> 01:39:38,383
- [crying] I don't want
to talk to my sponsor now.

1668
01:39:38,407 --> 01:39:40,409
- I want to talk toy you.
- Get help.

1669
01:39:40,492 --> 01:39:42,744
- I love you.
- Dad, what...

1670
01:39:42,828 --> 01:39:45,163
- And I hope that you get
your life together.

1671
01:39:45,247 --> 01:39:46,748
- I love you, too.

1672
01:39:46,832 --> 01:39:49,293
I love you.

1673
01:39:49,376 --> 01:39:51,295
[phone beeps off]

1674
01:39:51,378 --> 01:39:53,297
[insects chirping]

1675
01:40:03,140 --> 01:40:06,018
[sighs]

1676
01:40:06,101 --> 01:40:08,353
[jagged breathing]

1677
01:40:08,437 --> 01:40:11,023
[crying]

1678
01:40:22,993 --> 01:40:26,747
[waves lapping]

1679
01:40:35,130 --> 01:40:37,090
[waves lapping]

1680
01:40:49,227 --> 01:40:51,229
[crickets chirping]

1681
01:41:09,581 --> 01:41:11,500
♪♪

1682
01:41:18,590 --> 01:41:20,926
[sighs]

1683
01:41:30,060 --> 01:41:31,978
[insects chirping]

1684
01:41:52,082 --> 01:41:54,418
[seagull squawking]

1685
01:42:11,268 --> 01:42:13,854
[sniffles]
[line ringing]

1686
01:42:17,232 --> 01:42:18,608
[David] Hello.

1687
01:42:18,692 --> 01:42:21,153
- Nicolas called.

1688
01:42:21,236 --> 01:42:22,738
He sounds desperate.

1689
01:42:22,821 --> 01:42:24,656
Gonna die if we
don't do anything.

1690
01:42:24,740 --> 01:42:26,700
Well...

1691
01:42:26,783 --> 01:42:29,661
he's gonna die even if we do.

1692
01:42:29,745 --> 01:42:32,372
Nothing we do has
any effect on him.

1693
01:42:32,456 --> 01:42:35,625
[Henryk Górecki's Symphony No.
3 plays, singing in Polish]

1694
01:42:39,337 --> 01:42:41,047
I failed.

1695
01:42:41,131 --> 01:42:42,525
[Vicki] I know you
feel ashamed, okay?

1696
01:42:42,549 --> 01:42:45,051
So do I.

1697
01:42:45,135 --> 01:42:47,387
But you have done great, David.

1698
01:42:47,471 --> 01:42:50,348
And Karen, too, so
thank you for that.

1699
01:42:50,432 --> 01:42:52,267
You were up for
it when I wasn't,

1700
01:42:52,350 --> 01:42:54,144
and I'm not giving up now.

1701
01:42:55,270 --> 01:42:57,022
Never.

1702
01:42:58,732 --> 01:43:01,443
But I can't do it alone.

1703
01:43:04,529 --> 01:43:07,240
I need your help.

1704
01:43:07,324 --> 01:43:09,409
[Vicki cries]

1705
01:43:09,493 --> 01:43:12,454
I don't think you can
save people, Vicki.

1706
01:43:12,537 --> 01:43:14,331
[sighs]

1707
01:43:14,414 --> 01:43:17,709
[crying] You can be there
for them, can't you?

1708
01:43:21,630 --> 01:43:23,715
[Jasper]
Look at this.

1709
01:43:28,887 --> 01:43:30,806
[David]
I'm done.

1710
01:43:30,889 --> 01:43:33,058
- Oh.
- Okay? I...

1711
01:43:33,141 --> 01:43:36,061
[sniffles]
Okay.

1712
01:43:49,282 --> 01:43:51,618
[Symphony No. 3 continues,
with singing in Polish]

1713
01:44:09,719 --> 01:44:11,680
[Man]
Hey, everybody.

1714
01:44:11,763 --> 01:44:14,432
Time to get together.

1715
01:44:14,516 --> 01:44:16,810
[crowd chatter]

1716
01:44:24,943 --> 01:44:30,991
[Woman] I... I had a rough week.

1717
01:44:33,493 --> 01:44:35,203
Some of you know,
some of you don't.

1718
01:44:35,287 --> 01:44:36,872
I, um...

1719
01:44:36,955 --> 01:44:38,999
I lost my Frances this week.

1720
01:44:39,082 --> 01:44:42,168
She died of an
overdose on Sunday.

1721
01:44:42,252 --> 01:44:44,296
So...

1722
01:44:44,379 --> 01:44:48,300
I guess I'm in
mourning, but I-I...

1723
01:44:48,383 --> 01:44:50,719
I realized something else.

1724
01:44:50,802 --> 01:44:54,764
I've actually been in
mourning for years.

1725
01:44:56,933 --> 01:44:59,144
'Cause even when she
was alive, she...

1726
01:44:59,227 --> 01:45:01,688
she wasn't there.

1727
01:45:01,771 --> 01:45:05,984
When you mourn the living,

1728
01:45:06,067 --> 01:45:08,862
that's a hard way to live.

1729
01:45:10,906 --> 01:45:13,366
And so, in...

1730
01:45:13,450 --> 01:45:15,619
in a way, it's-it's...

1731
01:45:15,702 --> 01:45:17,704
it's better, I guess.

1732
01:45:21,958 --> 01:45:27,464
[crying] She was a
dear, dear young woman.

1733
01:45:29,507 --> 01:45:31,593
I always felt...

1734
01:45:31,676 --> 01:45:34,262
I needed to... to stay strong,

1735
01:45:34,346 --> 01:45:37,682
that there'd be
some future event,

1736
01:45:37,766 --> 01:45:40,310
and I'd... I'd need
all my strength for it.

1737
01:45:43,980 --> 01:45:46,441
But there are no
events after this one.

1738
01:45:46,524 --> 01:45:49,986
I hope she's not in pain now.

1739
01:45:52,113 --> 01:45:54,199
[Woman whimpers]

1740
01:45:56,701 --> 01:45:58,620
Bye, Frances.

1741
01:46:02,666 --> 01:46:04,918
[Karen sniffles]

1742
01:46:29,526 --> 01:46:31,444
♪♪

1743
01:46:43,248 --> 01:46:45,166
[grunts]

1744
01:46:59,389 --> 01:47:01,683
[Symphony No. 3 continues,
with singing in Polish]

1745
01:47:20,785 --> 01:47:23,038
♪♪

1746
01:47:42,974 --> 01:47:45,643
♪♪

1747
01:47:55,737 --> 01:47:57,906
[David]
Hey.

1748
01:47:57,989 --> 01:48:00,158
Hi.

1749
01:48:00,241 --> 01:48:02,243
[Vicki sighs]

1750
01:48:09,501 --> 01:48:10,960
How's he doing?

1751
01:48:11,044 --> 01:48:13,213
The doctor's with him now.

1752
01:48:14,881 --> 01:48:16,633
He said it's close to a miracle

1753
01:48:16,716 --> 01:48:19,594
Nic survived with all
the drugs in his body.

1754
01:48:20,720 --> 01:48:22,472
[Vicki chuckles]

1755
01:48:29,562 --> 01:48:30,980
[David grunts softly]

1756
01:48:50,708 --> 01:48:52,836
[Symphony No. 3 continues,
with singing in Polish]

1757
01:49:12,730 --> 01:49:14,983
♪♪

1758
01:49:34,752 --> 01:49:37,046
♪♪

1759
01:49:48,725 --> 01:49:51,060
[Nic cries]

1760
01:49:56,816 --> 01:49:59,152
[Nic sniffles]

1761
01:49:59,235 --> 01:50:02,197
[Nic cries]

1762
01:50:16,711 --> 01:50:18,630
[sobbing]

1763
01:50:23,468 --> 01:50:25,595
[Nic sniffles]

1764
01:51:02,465 --> 01:51:04,384
♪♪

1765
01:51:09,847 --> 01:51:11,766
♪ Ah ♪

1766
01:51:27,657 --> 01:51:30,827
♪ I was somewhere
2000 in a daydream ♪

1767
01:51:32,620 --> 01:51:36,791
♪ I was hiding, I
couldn't face it ♪

1768
01:51:36,874 --> 01:51:40,169
♪ I used to live my
life in the wind... ♪

1769
01:51:40,253 --> 01:51:44,549
♪ I felt out of sync,
audio phasing ♪

1770
01:51:44,632 --> 01:51:48,511
♪ Felt like I couldn't
find my place in ♪

1771
01:51:53,683 --> 01:51:56,853
♪ Sky shivers, they,
they turn to rain ♪

1772
01:51:56,936 --> 01:51:58,813
♪ I turn again ♪

1773
01:51:58,896 --> 01:52:01,899
♪ I wish we could heal ♪

1774
01:52:06,487 --> 01:52:10,450
♪ I'll take you home,
I'll make you whole ♪

1775
01:52:10,533 --> 01:52:15,330
♪ You make me wish
that this wasn't real ♪

1776
01:52:19,959 --> 01:52:22,420
♪ Because you're ♪

1777
01:52:22,503 --> 01:52:24,422
♪ Oh ♪

1778
01:52:24,505 --> 01:52:29,260
♪ You're my treasure ♪

1779
01:52:32,597 --> 01:52:35,308
♪ Because you're ♪

1780
01:52:35,391 --> 01:52:37,226
♪ Oh ♪

1781
01:52:37,310 --> 01:52:42,065
♪ You're my treasure ♪

1782
01:52:44,609 --> 01:52:49,322
♪ I used to live my
life in the wind ♪

1783
01:52:54,285 --> 01:52:55,870
♪ And I would fly ♪

1784
01:52:55,953 --> 01:52:58,956
♪ Wherever you would swim ♪

1785
01:53:03,795 --> 01:53:08,633
♪ I couldn't stand
by you or anything ♪

1786
01:53:10,843 --> 01:53:14,013
♪ Sky shivers, they,
they turn to rain ♪

1787
01:53:14,097 --> 01:53:15,807
♪ I turn again ♪

1788
01:53:15,890 --> 01:53:19,143
♪ I wish we could heal ♪

1789
01:53:23,981 --> 01:53:27,068
♪ I'll take you home,
I'll make you whole ♪

1790
01:53:27,151 --> 01:53:31,823
♪ You make me wish
that this wasn't real ♪

1791
01:53:36,494 --> 01:53:39,205
♪ Because you're ♪

1792
01:53:39,288 --> 01:53:40,957
♪ Oh ♪

1793
01:53:41,040 --> 01:53:45,962
♪ You're my treasure ♪

1794
01:53:49,298 --> 01:53:51,926
♪ Because you're ♪

1795
01:53:52,009 --> 01:53:53,719
♪ Oh ♪

1796
01:53:53,803 --> 01:53:58,349
♪ You're my treasure ♪

1797
01:54:01,727 --> 01:54:03,104
♪ Bad habits ♪

1798
01:54:03,187 --> 01:54:04,814
♪ And good times ♪

1799
01:54:04,897 --> 01:54:06,274
♪ Let's take a risk ♪

1800
01:54:06,357 --> 01:54:07,900
♪ On our lives ♪

1801
01:54:07,984 --> 01:54:09,694
♪ Don't smile ♪

1802
01:54:09,777 --> 01:54:11,362
♪ Just might cry ♪

1803
01:54:11,446 --> 01:54:12,780
♪ Go around the roundabout ♪

1804
01:54:12,864 --> 01:54:14,365
♪ Like five times ♪

1805
01:54:14,449 --> 01:54:16,159
♪ With two scratches ♪

1806
01:54:16,242 --> 01:54:17,410
♪ Hard drive ♪

1807
01:54:17,493 --> 01:54:18,661
♪ Open up to it ♪

1808
01:54:18,744 --> 01:54:19,912
♪ Get me three times ♪

1809
01:54:19,996 --> 01:54:20,872
♪ Not lying ♪

1810
01:54:20,955 --> 01:54:21,873
♪ Watch the heavens ♪

1811
01:54:21,956 --> 01:54:22,956
♪ Goes up ♪

1812
01:54:22,999 --> 01:54:24,125
♪ Three times ♪

1813
01:54:24,208 --> 01:54:25,585
♪ Watch the heavens ♪

1814
01:54:25,668 --> 01:54:29,797
♪ As the sun dies ♪

1815
01:54:33,718 --> 01:54:37,430
♪ When breathing
even is a challenge ♪

1816
01:54:37,513 --> 01:54:40,641
♪ I don't want
to lose control ♪

1817
01:54:40,725 --> 01:54:44,103
♪ I need it, gotta have it ♪

1818
01:54:44,187 --> 01:54:47,190
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪

1819
01:54:47,273 --> 01:54:48,608
♪ Don't stop clinging ♪

1820
01:54:48,691 --> 01:54:50,401
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪

1821
01:54:50,485 --> 01:54:53,404
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪

1822
01:54:53,488 --> 01:54:55,114
♪ Don't stop clinging ♪

1823
01:54:55,198 --> 01:54:56,991
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪

1824
01:54:57,074 --> 01:54:59,785
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪

1825
01:54:59,869 --> 01:55:01,412
♪ Don't stop clinging ♪

1826
01:55:01,496 --> 01:55:03,164
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪

1827
01:55:03,247 --> 01:55:06,167
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪

1828
01:55:06,250 --> 01:55:07,960
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪

1829
01:55:08,044 --> 01:55:09,253
♪ Don't stop clinging ♪

1830
01:55:09,337 --> 01:55:11,088
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪

1831
01:55:11,172 --> 01:55:12,965
♪ Don't stop clinging
♪ Still alive ♪

1832
01:55:13,049 --> 01:55:14,759
♪ Don't stop clinging ♪

1833
01:55:14,842 --> 01:55:17,553
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪

1834
01:55:17,637 --> 01:55:19,514
♪ Don't stop clinging...
Still alive... ♪

1835
01:55:19,597 --> 01:55:21,390
[Nic] Either peace
or happiness,

1836
01:55:21,474 --> 01:55:23,267
let it enfold you.

1837
01:55:23,351 --> 01:55:26,270
When I was a young man,
I felt that these things

1838
01:55:26,354 --> 01:55:28,773
were dumb, unsophisticated.

1839
01:55:28,856 --> 01:55:31,025
I had bad blood,
a twisted mind,

1840
01:55:31,108 --> 01:55:33,152
a precarious upbringing.

1841
01:55:33,236 --> 01:55:34,820
I was hard as granite.

1842
01:55:34,904 --> 01:55:36,739
I leered at the sun.

1843
01:55:36,822 --> 01:55:40,159
I trusted no man and
especially no woman.

1844
01:55:40,243 --> 01:55:42,537
I was living a hell
in small rooms.

1845
01:55:42,620 --> 01:55:44,288
I broke things,
smashed things,

1846
01:55:44,372 --> 01:55:46,916
walked through glass, cursed.

1847
01:55:46,999 --> 01:55:48,543
I challenged everything,

1848
01:55:48,626 --> 01:55:50,795
was continually being
evicted, jailed,

1849
01:55:50,878 --> 01:55:53,089
in and out of fights,
in and out of my mind.

1850
01:55:53,172 --> 01:55:56,008
Women were something
to screw and rail at.

1851
01:55:56,092 --> 01:55:58,135
I had no male friends.

1852
01:55:58,219 --> 01:56:00,263
I changed jobs and cities.

1853
01:56:00,346 --> 01:56:02,974
I hated holidays,
babies, history,

1854
01:56:03,057 --> 01:56:05,560
newspapers, museums,
grandmothers,

1855
01:56:05,643 --> 01:56:08,688
marriage, movies,
spiders, garbagemen,

1856
01:56:08,771 --> 01:56:12,567
English accents,
Spain, France, Italy,

1857
01:56:12,650 --> 01:56:15,319
walnuts and the color orange.

1858
01:56:15,403 --> 01:56:17,196
Algebra angered me.

1859
01:56:17,280 --> 01:56:19,115
Opera sickened me.

1860
01:56:19,198 --> 01:56:21,200
Charlie Chaplin was a fake.

1861
01:56:21,284 --> 01:56:23,327
And flowers were for pansies.

1862
01:56:23,411 --> 01:56:26,789
Peace and happiness were
to me signs of inferiority,

1863
01:56:26,872 --> 01:56:29,584
tenants of the weak
and addled mind.

1864
01:56:29,667 --> 01:56:32,211
But as I went on
with my alley fights,

1865
01:56:32,295 --> 01:56:33,629
my suicidal years,

1866
01:56:33,713 --> 01:56:35,631
my passage through
any number of women,

1867
01:56:35,715 --> 01:56:39,260
it gradually began to occur
to me that I wasn't different

1868
01:56:39,343 --> 01:56:41,345
from the others,
I was the same.

1869
01:56:41,429 --> 01:56:43,306
They were all
fulsome with hatred,

1870
01:56:43,389 --> 01:56:45,725
glossed over with
petty grievances.

1871
01:56:45,808 --> 01:56:48,352
The men I fought in alleys
had hearts of stone.

1872
01:56:48,436 --> 01:56:50,313
Everybody was
nudging, inching,

1873
01:56:50,396 --> 01:56:53,232
cheating for some
insignificant advantage.

1874
01:56:53,316 --> 01:56:56,402
The lie was the weapon,
and the plot was empty.

1875
01:56:56,485 --> 01:56:58,696
Darkness was the dictator.

1876
01:56:58,779 --> 01:57:02,074
Cautiously, I allowed myself
to feel good at times.

1877
01:57:02,158 --> 01:57:04,035
I found moments of
peace in cheap rooms

1878
01:57:04,118 --> 01:57:07,079
just staring at the
knobs of some dresser

1879
01:57:07,163 --> 01:57:09,415
or listening to the
rain in the dark.

1880
01:57:09,498 --> 01:57:12,418
The less I needed,
the better I felt.

1881
01:57:12,501 --> 01:57:14,337
Maybe the other life
had worn me down.

1882
01:57:14,420 --> 01:57:16,047
I no longer found glamour

1883
01:57:16,130 --> 01:57:18,382
in topping somebody
in conversation

1884
01:57:18,466 --> 01:57:21,677
or in mounting the body of
some poor, drunken female

1885
01:57:21,761 --> 01:57:24,221
whose life had slipped
away into sorrow.

1886
01:57:24,305 --> 01:57:26,182
I could never accept
life as it was.

1887
01:57:26,265 --> 01:57:29,018
I could never gobble
down all its poisons.

1888
01:57:29,101 --> 01:57:31,312
But there were parts,
tenuous magic parts,

1889
01:57:31,395 --> 01:57:33,314
open for the asking.

1890
01:57:33,397 --> 01:57:34,899
I reformulated.

1891
01:57:34,982 --> 01:57:36,942
I don't know when...
date, time, all that...

1892
01:57:37,026 --> 01:57:38,527
but the change occurred.

1893
01:57:38,611 --> 01:57:41,906
Something in me
relaxed, smoothed out.

1894
01:57:41,989 --> 01:57:44,200
I no longer had to
prove that I was a man.

1895
01:57:44,283 --> 01:57:45,951
I didn't have to
prove anything.

1896
01:57:46,035 --> 01:57:47,536
I began to see things.

1897
01:57:47,620 --> 01:57:50,247
Coffee cups lined up
behind a counter in a cafe.

1898
01:57:50,331 --> 01:57:52,958
Or a dog walking
along a sidewalk.

1899
01:57:53,042 --> 01:57:54,919
Or the way the mouse
on my dresser top

1900
01:57:55,002 --> 01:57:56,962
stopped there,
really stopped there,

1901
01:57:57,046 --> 01:57:59,048
with its body,
its ears, its nose.

1902
01:57:59,131 --> 01:58:02,968
It was fixed, a bit of
life caught within itself,

1903
01:58:03,052 --> 01:58:06,806
and its eyes looked at me,
and they were beautiful.

1904
01:58:06,889 --> 01:58:08,891
Then it was gone.

1905
01:58:08,974 --> 01:58:10,768
I began to feel good.

1906
01:58:10,851 --> 01:58:13,229
I began to feel good
in the worst situations,

1907
01:58:13,312 --> 01:58:15,022
and there were
plenty of those.

1908
01:58:15,106 --> 01:58:18,109
Like, say, the boss
behind his desk.

1909
01:58:18,192 --> 01:58:20,194
He is going to
have to fire me.

1910
01:58:20,277 --> 01:58:21,946
I've missed too many days.

1911
01:58:22,029 --> 01:58:25,282
He's dressed in a
suit, necktie, glasses.

1912
01:58:25,366 --> 01:58:28,035
He says, 'I am going
to have to let you go.'

1913
01:58:28,119 --> 01:58:29,829
'It's all right, '
I tell him.

1914
01:58:29,912 --> 01:58:31,247
He must do what he must do.

1915
01:58:31,330 --> 01:58:33,207
He has a wife, a
house, children,

1916
01:58:33,290 --> 01:58:36,460
expenses, most
probably a girlfriend.

1917
01:58:36,544 --> 01:58:37,920
I'm sorry for him.

1918
01:58:38,003 --> 01:58:39,213
He's caught.

1919
01:58:39,296 --> 01:58:41,257
I walk out into the
blazing sunshine.

1920
01:58:41,340 --> 01:58:44,051
The whole day is mine,
temporarily anyhow.

1921
01:58:44,135 --> 01:58:46,679
The whole world is at
the throat of the world.

1922
01:58:46,762 --> 01:58:49,640
Everybody feels angry,
short-changed, cheated.

1923
01:58:49,724 --> 01:58:52,351
Everybody is despondent,
disillusioned.

1924
01:58:52,435 --> 01:58:55,521
I welcomed shots of peace,
tattered shards of happiness.

1925
01:58:55,604 --> 01:58:57,940
I embraced that stuff
like the hottest number,

1926
01:58:58,023 --> 01:59:00,860
like high heels, breasts,
singing, the works.

1927
01:59:00,943 --> 01:59:02,319
Don't get me wrong,

1928
01:59:02,403 --> 01:59:04,155
there is such a thing
as cockeyed optimism

1929
01:59:04,238 --> 01:59:05,531
that overlooks
all basic problems

1930
01:59:05,614 --> 01:59:06,991
just for the sake of itself.

1931
01:59:07,074 --> 01:59:09,285
This is a shield
and a sickness.

1932
01:59:09,368 --> 01:59:11,328
The knife got near
my throat again.

1933
01:59:11,412 --> 01:59:13,247
I almost turned
on the gas again.

1934
01:59:13,330 --> 01:59:15,249
But when the good
moments arrived again,

1935
01:59:15,332 --> 01:59:17,376
I didn't fight them off
like an alley adversary.

1936
01:59:17,460 --> 01:59:20,337
I let them take me.
I luxuriated in them.

1937
01:59:20,421 --> 01:59:22,214
I bade them welcome home.

1938
01:59:22,298 --> 01:59:23,841
I even looked into
the mirror once

1939
01:59:23,924 --> 01:59:26,844
having thought
myself to be ugly.

1940
01:59:26,927 --> 01:59:28,929
I now liked what I saw.

1941
01:59:29,013 --> 01:59:30,598
Almost handsome.

1942
01:59:30,681 --> 01:59:32,808
Yes, a bit ripped and ragged.

1943
01:59:32,892 --> 01:59:35,019
Scars, lumps, odd turns.

1944
01:59:35,102 --> 01:59:37,146
But all in all, not too bad.

1945
01:59:37,229 --> 01:59:38,898
Almost handsome.

1946
01:59:38,981 --> 01:59:40,983
Better at least than some
of those movie star faces

1947
01:59:41,066 --> 01:59:42,818
like the cheeks
of a baby's butt.

1948
01:59:42,902 --> 01:59:44,361
And finally I discovered

1949
01:59:44,445 --> 01:59:46,781
real feelings for
others, unheralded.

1950
01:59:46,864 --> 01:59:48,532
Like lately,
like this morning,

1951
01:59:48,616 --> 01:59:52,036
as I was leaving for the
track, I saw my wife in bed,

1952
01:59:52,119 --> 01:59:53,829
just the shape
of her head there,

1953
01:59:53,913 --> 01:59:57,500
covers pulled high, just
the shape of her head there.

1954
01:59:57,583 --> 02:00:00,002
Not forgetting centuries
of the living and the dead

1955
02:00:00,085 --> 02:00:01,587
and the dying, the pyramids,

1956
02:00:01,670 --> 02:00:04,340
Mozart dead, but his music
still there in the room,

1957
02:00:04,423 --> 02:00:06,091
weeds growing,
the Earth turning,

1958
02:00:06,175 --> 02:00:08,260
the tote board waiting for me.

1959
02:00:08,344 --> 02:00:10,012
I saw the shape
of my wife's head,

1960
02:00:10,095 --> 02:00:11,472
she so still.

1961
02:00:11,555 --> 02:00:12,807
I ached for her life,

1962
02:00:12,890 --> 02:00:14,642
just being there
under the covers.

1963
02:00:14,725 --> 02:00:16,268
I kissed her on the forehead,

1964
02:00:16,352 --> 02:00:17,812
got down the
stairway, got outside,

1965
02:00:17,895 --> 02:00:20,523
got into my marvelous
car, fixed the seat belt,

1966
02:00:20,606 --> 02:00:21,982
backed out the drive.

1967
02:00:22,066 --> 02:00:23,818
Feeling warm to
the fingertips,

1968
02:00:23,901 --> 02:00:26,654
down to my foot
on the gas pedal,

1969
02:00:26,737 --> 02:00:28,614
I entered the world once more,

1970
02:00:28,697 --> 02:00:30,699
drove down the hill
past the houses

1971
02:00:30,783 --> 02:00:32,493
full and empty of people.

1972
02:00:32,576 --> 02:00:34,954
I saw the mailman, honked.

1973
02:00:35,037 --> 02:00:37,373
He waved back at me.