Thread 39: Stories 46-60

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The clatter of hooves on gold echoed as Pommel and his companions raced down the stairs of the great watchtower, their gait unsteady, their pace uneven but frantic and eager to get to the bottom as quickly as possible. They had already cleared the levels that had been above the water level, and all around them they could see the muck and remains of the sea dripping and oozing from the cracks between the golden bricks that made up the tower. Sensible men would have tried to take their time and watch their step, lest they make a careless mistake and end up a twitching broken heap where the stairs ended and the next room began.

Then again most sensible men would not be fighting againts a self-professed 'Pirate King' over a City of Gold that may or may not be the domain of an ancient evil sealed away in gigantic gem stone in the first place.

"How tall IS this damn thing!?" Pommel shouted as they kept going.

"Tall enough to be a damned inconveninence," Rat replied, "Keep going and if you see any of those confounded fish-ponies, gut 'em, we've no time for them!"

"And if they press the issue?" Gag Reel asked, cating a nervous glance around, "They kind of have the numbers advantage!"

"Poke your head in the hole we keep seeing, shoot upwards, and call down the giant blue death ray again!" Rat snapped at him.

"And get another crazy migraine? No thank you," Shoals grumbled, "Gah...nothing but pain the whole time after I zapped that thing."

Pommel grimaced, "Pain's the only thing you remember?"

"Well yeah," Shoals shot him a look, "What, you remember things differently?"

"Quite a bit," Pommel arched an eyebrow, "Quite a fucking bit."

"Dare to share, lad?" Rat asked, eyes darting towards the other unicorn leading the charge.

So Pommel told them as they raced down the giant tower, his speech coming out in a rapid and ragged cascade of words. He told them of the creature that was hidden within the gem, how it took each of them one by one, finding the others unworthy, how it looked upon him last, probing his mind, for what he could not gather. He told them of the cryptic message it gave him before raising the city.

"You will do?" Doc grumbled, "That sounds more than a bit ominous don't you think?"

"Ok, that does it," Shoals groaned, "You're just plain out and out bad luck, gardener!"

"Look we'll deal with whatever the hell is after Pommel's soul when we deal with the bastard that's after our heads," Rat said resolutely, gritting his teeth, "A few days ago we were tussling with an overgrown eel, then all this happens. Lad you've a strangeness about you, make no mistake."

"Oh do not even go there," Pommel grumbled, "My luck's bad enough without you saying there's destiny behind it."

"Just pointin' out weird coincidences is all," Rat replied innocently, "I-...I think we've hit the ground floor."

Pommel looked away from his friend to find that Rat's assumption was correct, slowly the group of six unicorns and one earth pony stepped into a throne room, ornate and opulent if a bit...okay, very soggy. A trio of thrones rose from the floor beside them on three daises, overlooking the cavernous ground floor of the tower, and in the center, shining even in the dank darkness lit only by the unicorns' horns, was an-

"ANOTHER FUCKING GEM!?" Rat's jaw dropped regarding the expanse of almost transparent material stretching across the floor, "These bastards had more wealth in their bathrooms than a small country!"

"Ahem, if I may?" Doc asked, striding past the dumbstruck pirates towards where gold swirled aroudn the clearness in an artful circle, "...no, no of course not. This isn't a gem at all."

"Oh right right right," Shoals grumbled, "Big fucking doom gem housin' a creature of terror and mind fuckery is one thing, but an even bigger gem serving as a throw rug? Perish the thought of such silliness!"

"It's glass, you dullard!" Doc shot back, "And if I'm right, that may assist me in figuring out how this thing managed to raise the entire city from the depths."

Pommel looked up, seeing the ubiquitous hole in the ceiling that was present in evert room prior. Without speaking he began to walk forward, onto the glass, until he was at the center, looking up thte hole. Even here he could see the gem high above radiating with its dark energy, malice and wickedness in its every twinkle and shine. He lit up his horn.

"Lad, the hell're you-" Rat began before Pommel shot a bolt of energy into the hole.

The bolt traveled upward, through the many rooms they had passed, until it hit the crystal, which began to glow brighter. Pommel quickly ran back, body tensed as he heard his magic make contact with the gem, in the next instant another column of light erupted forth from above, spilling through the glass and coming out the other side even brighter.

"Oh no, you bastard now it's going to-!" Shoals shout was interrupted as the voice of the creature within the gem blasted into their minds, sending all but Doc down to the floor holding their heads.

'SUCCESSOR.'

"Ffff...Faust damn it!" Rat shouted, "Ya couldn't give us a little warning!?"

"It's a magnifier..." Doc said breathlessly, "The glass...it magnifies the augmented beam directly into the very insides of the island! THAT'S how the island was able to rise from the sea, and maybe even sink down there in the first place! The Coltec used the power of that creature to...to work miracles."

"And we're in the market for those," Pommel muttered.

"Lad...what are you proposing?" Rat took a step forward.

"I'm proposing this thing wouldn't benefit from Brahmos taking this island any more than we would, and I think you just heard what it called me," Pommel glared up at the hole in the ceiling, "I think it's got a vested interest in keeping me alive."

"So...you're going to just have a chat with the evil cloud of red death in the gem?" Reel asked increduloulsy, "Ask it for a hand in killing Brahmos before it eats your soul?"

"I don't know if you noticed but we have a dozens of heavily armed warships breathing down our necks out there," Pommel glared at the ex-camerapony, "This thing...it's a monster, make no mistake, but it's a monster that can be bargained with, Brahmos isn't. He comes over those walls, all of us are going to die, you, me, the Captain, Daw, all of us."

"And if you suddenly become possessed?" Rat challenged him, "Think about what you're suggesting, lad. Whatever's in that gem should be destroyed, Brahmos be damned. Brahmos is a murderous rapacious monster, but he's of this world, that thing...that thing can't be, it just can't!"

Pommel looked Rat in the eyes, neither giving ground.

"If this thing takes me over, you all have my permission to chop me to pieces and feed me to the monsters that are still roaming about out there," Pommel said levely, "I'd rather die than know I left a bastard like Brahmos to torture and kill who knows how many people. Let me speak to it, see if I can strike a deal..."

"And after its end of the deal is up?" Rat's eyes narrowed.

"Then?" Pommel shrugged, "Then we all grab up some of these gold bricks and smash it into a million pieces, that sound good?"

With a sigh, Rat relented, placing a hoof on Pommel's shoulder, "Aye, it does, and I'll hold ya to it. You're a good lad, Pommel, it'd be a damned shame if ya met your end so far from home."

"Especially to a Faust-damned Mind Flayer," Reel added.

"Just...see that ya don't, aye?" Rat asked, "If not for me, then for yourself, and if not for yourself, then for Daw."

Pommel nodded, then turned back to the center of the room, clearing his thoughts.

"Let's see if this works..."

'Can you hear me?'

'YES.'

'Good, you called me successor, right? None of the others?'

'CORRECT.'

'Well, if you want me to succeed whatever it is you want me to succeed, I'm gonna need a little help.'

'EXPLAIN.'

'Heh...where do I begin...?'

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>Spike
"???"
~~~

>Why are bathrooms with the doors attached so hard to find around here? I swear, they ripped off at least every other one for some reason-OOF

"BITCH WHAT'CHU DOIN HERE!? I WAS WALKIN' WASN'T THAT CLEAR!?"

Slowly, his vision returned clear enough he could see that he was not crazy, and there was in fact a tye-dyed green zebra in front of him.

>...Huh...

"You little Drigga gonna be starin' at me!? Move it, you sissy, or I'll knock your ass to a tree!"

>...

"Yeah, you heard me right! Back yo' ass up or get ready for a fight! LAY IT DOWN YA'LL!'

And then she paused for music... music that was not there.

"SICK BEATS!"

>...I uh...

"WHAT'CHU LOOKIN' AT!? DO I NEED MAH' PACE AND A RATA TAT TAT!?"

>...

Awkwardly, he stepped aside.

"DAS WHAT I THOUGHT! You thought you had it, but can't handle it when it's brought! PLAY THAT SICK BEATS DJ!"

With that, she moonwalked off.

>...I... I have never felt so racist in my life for saying this, but that looked like...

He slapped himself in the face, hard.

>THEY DO NOT ALL LOOK THE SAME! SHUT UP BRAIN!

And then he just sighed in defeat.

>I think I'm racist...
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>Applejack
"Rarity"
'Twilight'
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
(Pinkie)
-Spike-
~Arana~
=???=
~

>So, what're ya' feelin' fer some grub?

"Oh, nothing for me. I think if I eat anymore of those sweets I'll have to call in the Changelings for another sweep!"

'Why doesn't she market that anyway? You thin they'd make a killing in weight loss.'

"...Because it would kill someone else? She literally had Cadence convert my fat into love magic, and then they ate it. If I didn't heal like I did, I'd be... well, missing large chunks of my body."

'...No, yeah, that makes sense.'

>Weird that SHE would have ta' explain the particulars of science ta' ya'll.

"HEY!"

[Awww, man. Was hoping to trim off some of this sitting weight.]

{Oh, you don't want to dabble too much in that kind of magic. Bad... bad things happen.}

[Worked out great for you!]

{...Sure it did.}

(Well, then you know what we need to do!? We need to go get Celestia and have her sing at you some!)

[I already asked, she said no to the whole alicorn thing.]

>That don't seem fair.

'She has her reasons, I'm sure.'

-Maybe?-

~Well, yeah! Like, where is she going to get a-ZZZZT!~

>...
"..."
'...uh, Arana? Are you-'

~Oh, hey guys!... Where'd the amphitheater go?~

-...Uh, Arana? Are you... feeling okay?-

~Yep!~

>...M'kay...

[Should we... question that?]

{Not sure yet...}

'Let's... let's just figure out one problem with her at a time. I've got my hooves full with this pheromone stuff as it is.'

>Ah' don't know, maybe we should-

(HOLY CRACKERS LOOK OUT-)

*SMACKSMACKSMACKSMACKSMACK!*

=RABLLABLALLBPLAPLPLPLLPLP!=

*ZOOOOM!*

>...
"..."
'...'
[...]
{...}
~..~
-...WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?-

'SPIKE! LANG... Actually, you know what? You earned this one.'

(Who ordered the pony tornado!? DANG IT, CHEESY! WE SAID NO PONY TORNADOS! THEY'RE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE... UGH! That stallion sometimes!)

[Yeah, you're right, you need a guy who'll listen to you, like Sh-]

*ZOOOM!*
*SMACK!*

=RBALBAL!=

*ZOOOM!*

[...Ow.]

(THANK YOU!)
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>AB
“SB”
‘SL’
-???-
~~~~~

Three fillies made their way to the castle under the moons light, each one giggling madly at their latest success: The Cutie Mark Escapists. True, it didn’t get them their cutie marks but they’d managed to sneak out regardless.

>Ah told ya’ that rubber chicken’d come in handy!

“Last time I checked, Scoots wasn’t made of rubber.”

‘BITE ME!’

“Ugh, poultry, gross.”

>Pffffft hahaha!

‘You and me are gonna have it out one day, Belles.’

“As long as you promise not to bring me up on charges for chicken abuse.”

‘RRRRG!’

Wiping a tear from her eye, Applebloom stared out ahead, able to make out a figure approaching them.

>Hey girls… who’s that?

“Hm? Uh, kinda looks like… Babs?”

‘Eh, Babs, what’s going o-’

-Stay away from the castle. Some mess is going down there that y’all want no part in, trust me.-

And that’s all the thicker filly felt needed to be said as she sauntered past without even so much as a single glance back.

The CMC merely stared after here, then turned to stare up at the castle. Indeed, even from this distance they could see a few flames flickering from the windows, and the rather distinct roar of muffled battle cries.

>Huh.

“Well.”

‘…Cutie Mark Crusaders: Play It Safe For Once?’

>C’mon, when’re we evuh that smart, Scoots?

‘True.’

“Once more unto the breach, then.”

And they continued on.
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>Jetset
"OO7"
~~~~

>...
"..."
>...
"..."
>...
"...She shot me with a paintball gun, knocking me back onto a spring, which stuffed me into a cannon, which she then lit fire to, which then shot me into the air before ricocheting off a bigger, hovering spring which sprung me to the ground. You?"
>She... may have made comments... about virility...
"...Are you a vir-"
*SMACK!*
"OW!
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>Chitania
"???"
'Waiter'
~~~~~

Alone and stuffed in a corner. This was hardly new.

>...Nothing looks good here. I can't even tell what the fuck most of this is.

'I would be happy to explain them to you, you know. Don't even have to threaten to 'punch me so hard my mother will miscarry and I will vanish from time right before your eyes'. Totally unnecessary.'

>Meh, just give me some of that hay with a side of ketchup.

'...'

>I want variety sometimes.

'Right.'

He pressed a button on underneath the table, and in seconds her meal dropped right out of the ceiling, landing perfectly in front of her.

>...Huh.

'Neat, eh? Got everything on the menu ready to order, it goes through some tubes, comes out right when you want it.'

Slightly wide, curious eyes looked around at the smooth ceiling, nothing but little circular holes to show there was a place to come out at all.

>That... that is very impressive...

'Our customers think so. You tell us if you need a refill!'

>Right...

Even now, the future baffled her. Trains that moved without ponies pulling them, things that flew earth ponies in the sky by spinning swords, small things connected by wires that let you talk to anyone hundreds, if not thousands of feet away, even if they had no magic. There were even golems of steel that walked about and fired projectiles at her at speeds she could not follow. So tiny she wasn't even sure they were really there.

Spells, she understood. Magic had so many uses and capabilities it would be foolish not to consider most within the realm of possibility. But this... this was different. This was something strange and... perhaps a touch wondrous. To go from simple spells to moving things with tubes and... who even knows what! Anyone could do this. As much as she was loath to admit it, these ponies had created some amazing thing. Who knows what else this could move-

*CRASH!*

>...

"...HACK!"

>...I didn't order a Changeling, and that is horrible you would even be on the menu.

The battered little thing dusted off the shrapnel from the ceiling she had just fallen though, and rolled off of the table she had hit and onto the chair opposite to the disguised Queen.

"Sorry, a spring malfunctioned while I was walking over it... bouncing me into a blimp, which was thankfully unmanned because it exploded, then I hopped on the tops of circus tents for a bit... annnd, then I landed here."

Wearily, she looked through the hole she had made.

"Hope 55 isn't too worried..."

>...

"...Sorry if I'm bugging you, I just need to sit down for a bit."

She chuckled a little as she laid her head onto the rubble covered table.

"Heh... bugging... cause I'm a bug monster. Get it?"

A single, curious eyebrow raised up.

>You do not seem bothered you came in through the ceiling.

"Naahh, happens."

This, to put it bluntly, was not the response she had been expecting.

>Who are you?

"Names Applejack, lucky number 13."

>You do not seem very lucky.

"Sarcasm."

>Hrm...

Searching eyes looked her over a bit more, something was off..

>You are disguised...

The other Changeling suddenly shot her head up, looking totally confused.

"What? No no, I'm a changeling! Really! See?"

With a FWOOOSH! She turned into a mimicry of the purple alicorn princess, returning back with a likewise burst of flames.

Of course, this did nothing to deter the suspicious eye.

>My mistake, I thought it a convincing... what's the word, 'cosplay'?

She instantly relaxed, laying her head back down to stop the spinning.

"Yeah... that's probably it."

Still, even that aside, something was familiar about this thing... Some thing very... very...

And just like that, it hit her.

>HAH! OH! IT'S YO-...

Wide, shocked eyes watched her, unsure what to make of that outburst.

>...It is getting late, and I must be off.

She didn't seem worried, what with the mile long grin on her face. She did, however, seem to be in a bit of a rush.

"O...kay?"

>Do try to keep yourself out of trouble... 'lucky number 13'. If you lay down that low, someone might step on you by accident.

She had no idea what the other mare could have possibly meant by that, but chose not to comment as the mare got up and left, sticking her with the bill.

She of course, couldn't see inside her mind, where she was laughing hysterically at the sight of the one who had been quaking in terror not so very long ago. She had to get away from here before she totally blew her cover while cracking up. Oh, if she only knew...

"...Huh..."

Slowly, she brushed some plaster off the hay, and stuffed it in her mouth. Still good... mostly...

"I guess that could've gone worse, she didn't seem too mad. Guess me falling in front of her was a bit lucky-"

And then a chunk of ceiling fell on her.

Because of course it did.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Flash
"Fizzle"

After dropping from sub-sonic flight and slamming into a mountainside, our two anti-heroes reminisce on what they've missed out on

"Well that was dumb"

>We had to keep our cover, couldn't let Pennydrop know we disobeyed orders, you don't know what she could've done, I don't know what she could've done

"I just wanted to finish off by messin' around with the animatronics, that could've been cool"

>We'll make our own fun, so shut up

"And they were gonna do a karaoke as well! Who doesn't like karaoke?"

>...I kinda don't do singing, more an instrument stallion than others

"You're a cyborg"

>Yeah yeah shut up, but what songs did they have there anyhow?

"Just whatever fitted them the most"

>I think I have a couple tracks saved, could've done some good

"Oh yeah? Prove it"

>Sure-[LOADING MEDIA PLAYER]-...Ugh I hate this process...

"Hey you're meant to dub over the song, not the other way 'round"

>....Krrkrkk...Ah, this might work..-..STANDING-

"NO! YOU. ARE NOT. THAT. SONG!"

>-[ERROR! FIST IN SPEAKERHCHC-]
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>55
"Cheese"
~~~~

>EXCUSE ME! Mister sir!

"Well, hey party patron! What can old cheesy help you with?"

>My friend got launched by a malfunctioning springer and then exploded your blimp. Can you help me find her?

"...She exploded, you say?"

>Yep!

"You don't seem worried."

>She's a tough cookie!

"Uh...huh... say, does your friends know what 'litigation' means?"

>Dunno! Probably not? She doesn't seem like the athletic type.

"...Is she as smart as you?"

>At least!

"PHEW!"

>...

"...I mean, off we go!"

>Great!

"...I would be so sued...

>What?

"NOTHING!"
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>Limestone
"Marble"
~~~

>What are you thinking? I'm thinking the asparagus.

"Really. You come to Partyland of all places, and you want the asparagus."

>I like asparagus!

"You are so bland."

>Me!? What about you miss "boiled cauliflower"?

"At least it's boiled! I don't eat it straight!"

>Fine, whatever, subject change... uh...

"...So was it just me, or was it really surprising how strong that guy was?"

>Right? We spend our entire life moving giant, heavy objects, and not only can he tank what we throw at him, but he's pretty strong besides.

"It's weird. You'd think a guy in his position wouldn't get much exercise."

>He was a guard or something, right?

"Dunno, Pinkie never talks about him."

>Yeah, weird...

"...So was it just me, or were you expecting to end that contest with one of us married to him?"

>I KNOW RIGHT!? Especially after he beat daddy!

"I mean, it's kind of silly, they'd never even consider making us marry someone we didn't want to, but still."

>Yeah... got loooots of opinions on who we should marry, though.

"Won't shut up about it."

>...
"..."
>...
"...Okay, on three. Disappointed?"

>"Disappointed."

>I wouldn't mind being a princess...

"Alas, he only has eyes for Pinkie."

>Does he?

"Probably not, but it is WAY more fun to screw around with them because of it."

>Indeed! Cheers!

"Cheers!"

>...So is Pinkie picking up the tab for this, or...?

"What, are you serious!?"

>...

"...DUUUUUUH!"
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>Pinkie
"Spike"
~~~~

>Now, Spike, calm down-

"NO GEMS!? HOW COULD YOU!?"

>I tried to order them! But the shipment got robbed on the way, and we didn't have time to get more before we took off! Gems are heavy, Spike, we can't just ferry them cheaply!

"Those...BASTARDS!"

>Hey! Lang-

"NO! Noooo, I say that not as a slur, but of fact. Not of insult, but of description! THEY ARE BASTARDS! This day shall end soon, Pinkie, it shall end and then I shall embark on a quest to find that which they have stole, and I shall taste blood on my bullets, I shall find their brain matter strewn within the outer layer of the walls, THEY SHALL DIE! AND THEY SHALL RUUUUUE THE DAY, THEY EVER MESSED WITH THE GEMS, OF SPIKE THE DRAGON!"

>...

"..."

Across the room, every tendril on Mane-iacs head started applauding.

>...I have rock candy.

"Oh, nevermind then! I love that stuff!"

>...

"...What?"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
"SS"
~~~~~

>Ehhhh, I don't know. You want to just order everything on the menu and see what we like? We can just chuck what we don't.

"Somewhere, an impoverished pony just had a little cry, I want you to know."

>What's the point of having tons of money if you don't spend it?

"Donating it to the less fortunate?"

>I gave 77 some bits already.

"Not what I meant."

>Oh, I see, so donating to crippled veterans isn't charitable to you? I see how it is. Hippy.

"...I hate that you can win like that."

>My daddy is pure business pony, you don't think I listen when those sad looking ponies come knocking at our door?

"Still..."

>...Think I'll order everything twice...

"..."

>What? I might want seconds.

"...Sigh..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>JJ
"Actarius"
'???'
~~~~

>...So, uh, are you not sure how to approach this, or is it just me?

"No, I'm totally off with this too. I have no idea where even to start."

>Me either. Heads or tails?

"Tail?"

>That seems like it's rushing in.

"Well, I don't know! I'm just worried one of us is going to get hurt."

>This does seem dangerous.

"Should we get protection?"

>Don't you guards always have protection on you?

"Normally, yeah. But not right now."

>Well, that's a bummer.

"What?"

>What?

"Did you just say I'm a bummer?"

>THAT'S a bummer, I said. Look where I am pointing.

"Ah, oh, okay. I'm with you now."

>...Want to just, like, go for it?

"Just dive right in head first? I don't know, could end badly. Bleeding all over the floor badly."

>Meh, I can heal pretty quick, I'll take the brunt of it.

"Now I don't want you risking yourself."

>Well, standing here isn't helping. If we're going to do this, let's do this!

"You're enthused."

>To be honest, it's only because it's with you.

"Awww...thanks. Take a deep breath and on three?"

>On three! One..

"Two..."

>"THREE!"

...

*CRASH!*

'RABLABPLEBAL!'

*ZOOOM!*

>...
"...Well, that was unpleasant."

>Huh. My first time trying to detain someone... that hurt.

"Yeah, first times are always like that, but you get used to it."

>If you say so...

"..."

>...So are you going to get off of me, or...?

"I need a minute. Not my first time, but they always wind me."

>Right, right...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Security
"Attendant"
'???'
~~~~~

>... How do I deal with this?

"Sir?"

>Listen, Halfnhalf-

"Oh, hey, you know my name. Cool."

>...Anyway, as I was saying, I am honestly asking you, how do I deal with this? What, I ask, is the best thing to do in this situation?

"I... I don't know."

>You're dang right, you don't know, because there is no possible way to know how to deal with this. There are no books, no pamphlets, not even a manual. It just happens, and then you have to deal with the undealable.

"...So, uh... should we detain it?"

>Let me think about that...

'Love is in the aiiiiiir! Everywhere I look arouuuuund!'

>...No, you should not, in fact, try to detain the thing that is part manticore, has the arms of a diamond dog and the head of a dragon. There is a very real chance he is Discord's long lost cousin or something.

"So, what should we do?"

>Ignore him?

"..."

>...It's my only suggestion, and I admit it isn't great.

'Looove is... what is that, little sparkly glowing happy beautiful shining radiant luminous dazzling gleaming, scintillating lustrous luminescent fluorescent incandescent one? You wish me to fly!? How can I refuse!'

Two manticore wings appeared in a wash of fire, and he was off.

>...See? Problem solved itself.

"..."

>...Do you have a better idea?

"You are a pegasus, you could-"

>Nope.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Raven
“Jetset”
~~~~

>FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME YOU HAD BETTER ANSWER ME OR SO HELP ME CELESTIA I WILL DROP KICK PARTYLAND RIGHT OUT THE DAMN SKY AND-

“Are you using my Queen’s name in vain? Don’t do that, we talked about that, Raven.”

>FINALLY! Where have you been?! I’ve been trying to reach you for hours!

“My Queen said I was to vacation with her. I was vacationing as instructed.”

>You… y-you… absolute jackass!

“Hanging up now.”

>NO NO WAIT! I called because the castle is under attack!

“By what?

>Stuffed animals!

“…And where are you?”

>Hiding underneath my desk while the guards outside try and hold them back!

“Uh-huh.”

>YOU DON’T SOUND ALL THAT CONCERNED. WHY AREN’T YOU CONCERNED?!

“Because three facts stand firm. One, you’re safe. Two, an invasion of stuffed animals sounds like you huffed a bad bag of hay. And three, if our castles finest can’t fend off a bunch of fluff wrapped in cloth then I honestly don’t know what to say.”

>COME SAVE ME!

“Negative. Vacationing as ordered.”

>BUT I’M SCARED!

“No you’re not, you’re just suffering from a sudden increase of adrenaline and are unable to think clearly. If you’re indeed fighting an armada of toys, you know how to handle this. Just take a deep breath… and analyze.”

>…A-and if I get hurt?

A few seconds silence.

“I’ll be there.”

>…Thank you.

“So can I get back to vacationing?”

>Yes. Yes you can.

“Then make it rain, sister. Out.”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Changeling
"Guard"
~~~~~

>So, is it just me, or were you expecting some kind of camaraderie scene. Like we would all just band together to save the day.

"Not really, no."

>Really? Cause in my head I saw, like, heroic back to back badass moments, or last minute saves, or a fire forged friendship or two.

"The possibility of that happening literally never occurred to me."

>Well, I mean, you're right. I've seen a whole lot more of "Push them in front of the stampede and use them to get a headstart" than the stuff I thought was going to happen.

"From both sides, lets be fair."

>Oh yeah, no, absolutely. We're dicking each other over and backstabbing with gusto on either side, it's weird.

"...Weird for us, or you?"

>Both?

"...You think it's weird that the shapeshifting, infiltrating, horrible bug monsters are backstabbing us."

>...Racist.

"Calling it like I see it."

>FUCK YOU!

"Fuck you! This is all probably your fault somehow!"

>Yeah, well...

*SHOVE!*

*SQUEAKASQUUUUEEEE!*

"NOOOOOOO!"

>...Yeah, this is nothing like I thought it would be.

"TEETH! WHY DO SOME OF THEM HAVE TEETH!?
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