PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL (howardphillip607@yahoo.com) is available
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    :'9
    ":
 PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL (howardphillip607@yahoo.com) is available
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    i feel likie shit
    :'
    ":
 PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL (howardphillip607@yahoo.com) is available
Christ
    i just got in
    that was an interesting ngith
    ight*
    n*
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    dude i feel like i fucked up big time
An unknown failure occurred.
An unknown failure occurred.
An unknown failure occurred.
An unknown failure occurred.
Christ
    what do you mean?
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    wait, into where???
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    where did you get into???
Christ
    my house
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    ah
Christ
    i was like
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    when you coming back?/
Christ
    walking to cvs
    and this car stops in front of me
    like flashing lights and shit
    and its my good friend melissa her roommate and this kid nick
    and hes like hey theres a rave at stevens
    get in
    stevens is a college around here
    like a nerd college
    so i go to this rave
    and get back at like 2 am with my friend aviv
    and we go to this cvs
    to get somthing to drink
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    wow, weird night
Christ
    and theres these girls i know
    and theyre like HEYYYYYYYY what are you guys up to
Christ
    and were like nothing really
    and shes like you should come to ramapo (another college) my roommates gone
    so we do
    and we stayed there until like an hour ago
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    wow
Christ
    yup
    it was nice.
    better than sleeping
    this is all after my 14 hour bus ride
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    lolz
    dude i think im fucking things up with rachel, and not in the sense in which i was it was in ":
Christ
    ok
    go on
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    dude, i kinda lied to her when it wasnt supposed to be a lie, and it wasnt supposed to be the truth
Christ
    what the hell does that mean
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    im guessing what i said was...damn...i confused myself... :-P
Christ
    wtf are you saying
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    well
    i got reach the other day in the mail
    and i was playing it yesterday with joe
    i accidentally said that i was playing it most of the day when i wasnt
    i was out with some floormates in town
    which i kinda blew off a rugby game that i promised her that i would attend
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    and now i think she's pissed off at me
Christ
    lol
    well you blew off somthing you said you would go to
    are you expecting her to not be?
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    she wasnt mad about the game
    she was more mad that i told her i was playing reach the whole day
    when it was intentionally supposed to be a joke
Christ
    dude
    the fact that she cares what you do with your day is fucked up
Christ
    she should be mad about the game
    thats a legit thing that you blew off
    the fact that shes mad about how you spend your time
    is fucked up
    i knew i didnt like this entire situation
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    the thing is i also promised her that i would catch up on my work
    which i did by the way
Christ
    dude
    stop
Christ
    youre not even going out with her
    and shes controlling what you do
    shit is fucked up
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    come to think of it, youre right
    she claims that i am an xbox addict
    maybe the whole reason i am is because its a stress reliever for me
Christ
    but
    who cares if you are
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    i do
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    its a habit im really trying to break
Christ
    so
    what
    did you ask her
    to help you break it
    or what
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    and with college, a job, classes, homework, and the broforce, its slowly working
    and kind of
    i told her i wanted to break it, so she intervened without me having the opportunity that this is something i wanna do on my own
Christ
    well why didnt you say that
    so this is all your fault lol
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    lolz, i know now
    but too late
Christ
    so
    ok.
    lol
    what do you want me to say
    lol
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    she wouldnt let me even get a word in edgewise when i was about to say that though
Christ
    what do you mean
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    she wouldnt give me the opportunity to say that i wanted to break this habit on my own
Christ
    wtf
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    or even curb it to where i only played at night
Christ
    were you not
    having a discussion
    how is one unable to talk
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    kind of, i guess
Christ
    in a discussion between two people
    you are too vague
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    true
    comes with being a politician
Christ
    right
    i hate politicians
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    you have to make things as vague as possible
Christ
    because they weasel their way out of shit in the absolute most obvious way possible
    theyre not smooth at all
    everyone knows they keep vague
    or lie outright
    because theyre not good at it
    anyway
    in this case
    then dont ask for advice if you are being vague about it
    lol
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    its a habit that i need to break then if i really wanna start a legit relationshi[p
    i just have to wait for the right moment, or just call this off completely and just be good friends
Christ
    this is not right
    your entire standing between each otehr
    i would have broken it off a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time ago
    based on what you say
    and what ive seen
    but then you say things were like
    it turns out what i thought was her being controlling
    is just you being dumb
    so its very difficult to judge
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    i think it was just me being blind
Christ
    well duh
    the entire thing
    is you being infatuated
    as we said
    when we sat you down
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    i shouldve listened to you guys then than waiting a whole fucking week
    im gna be my own man then
Christ
    do whatever you tink
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    what im getting at bro is this, id rather just stay friends with her for the time being until we're both ready to be in a relationship together
Christ
    oh clearly you guys are nowhere even close to a relationship
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    still in the friend zone bro
Christ
    right
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    yeah i do feel better about it
Christ
    because youve learned what you wanted out of it
    and know thats its futile to persue it
    for the moment
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    and you're telling this to someone who has found things futile to pursue, and yet has accomplished in getting there
    dude i thought getting salutatorian was gna be futile
Christ
    dude
    thats school
    thats not real life
    fuck that shit
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    to me, that was a real life goal
Christ
    its school
    dont get the two confused
    remember that
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    they both go hand in hand for me
Christ
    i feel terrible for you then
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    why do you think ive never been really happy
Christ
    because you have your priorities fucked up
Christ
    i knew that lol
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    besides by family dude, my academics is my #2 priority
    real life #3
Christ
    right
    thats fucked up
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    shouldve told that to my grandparents 18 years ago bro
Christ
    why would you let somthing 18 years ago influence your life now
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    because dude, ive never told anyone outside my family and my friends from school this, but i think its time that i let you know
    my grandparents expect the best from me
Christ
    well no shit i know you regard them as gods
Christ
    but you will look back when your 40 and you have your nice job and your nice family and youll be like "fuck why didnt i just live in the moment way back then"
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    thats what im doing right now hanging out with you guys
Christ
    its a mindset
    one you dont have
    hanging out with us is an act of people with said mindset
    but it doesnt mean the mindset is there
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    true
    and im trying to change that
Christ
    well getting rid of this "school is important" thing is the most important shit
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    but how can you after you lived something else most of your life???
Christ
    realize
    "wow i was dumb. but i still have time to change"
    not
    "wow i was dumb. i guess ill just continue"
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    i agree with your first statement
    im gna, but still hold true to my ideals
Christ
    theyre the heart of the problem but go for it. doesnt matter to me
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    what my grandparents???
Christ
    no
    look
    your ideals
    and your grandparents wahtever
    are two seperate things
    PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL 2:23 pm
        i agree with your first statement
        im gna, but still hold true to my ideals
    Christ 2:24 pm
        theyre the heart of the problem but go for it. doesnt matter to me
    PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL 2:24 pm
        what my grandparents???
    do you see the lack of logic?
    lol
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    not really since theyre the ones who infused me with those very ideals
Christ
    which are
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    i just mentioned them a while ago if you remember
    family first
    academics second
    real life third
Christ
    how
    can you put somthing meaningless
    before somthing so meaningful
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    because dude, my family has had no one successful make it anywhere yet
Christ
    dude
    who the fuck cares
    about being successful
    if your life is miserable
    you only get one fucking life
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    besides two of my cousins and my sister, im the only one who can make it somewhere
    dude im trying to live what my grandparents wanted out of my mom and aunt
    its the whole reason why im in college
    not to only make my family name known, but to become the person i wanted to be
Christ
    dude.
    why do you care about getting your family name known
    or becoming famous or somthing
    if you are unhappy
    is it worth having a legacy
    if your life sucked
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    my life dosent suck
Christ
    no
    it doesnt
    but it can
    VERY easily
    with that order
    of priorities
    which is the heart of the problem
    which is what im trying to save you from
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    ive got some really great friends back home, some badass friends in college (aka the broforce), and im on my way to becoming president of the united states dude
Christ
    but why
    what is your driving force
    do you just want to be famous?
    to be accepted by many?
Christ
    im trying really hard to understand and its rough
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    my drive is my grandparents
Christ
    i understand that
    and their desire should be
    to see you as happy as possible
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    and they do
Christ
    because thats what family wants for family
    ok
    how does this equate to
    i want people to know me
    and i value academics over real life
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    what it equates to is my academics are my key to get out of poverty and my only way of getting my family name known
Christ
    why do you care about your family name being known
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    its something i cannot begin to even explain
Christ
    and thats the part i dont understand
    why theres this drive of
    i want people to know me
    behind your actions
    veiled as your grandparent's approval or desires or wahtever
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    if you really want to know, its because i used to deal with bullshit from everyone in school and outside of school because of my familys last name
    we are notoriouslly known as having the reputation of being law breakers
Christ
    i do want to know
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    i am only one of the few that isint like that
Christ
    soic.
Christ
    so you are trying to prove to people in your nowhere town that people in your family can do somthing
    but in the real world
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    i want my familys name to be assocoated with at least something good
Christ
    no one knows about your familys history
    or cares about it
    in the real world that shit doesnt carry over
PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL
    idc if the world knows about my familys history
Christ
    clearly you do
    well
    you care about them not knowing about it, you care about proving to those who know your family that it is capable of somthing
Christ
    and im saying to you in the world where it matters, no one knows about that stuff and it doesnt matter to them
    the second you got out of your town
    your name has no more connotation
    you have a blank slate
    if thats whats important
    you have escaped that
 PHIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL (howardphillip607@yahoo.com) is offline
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Christ
    proving a thing like that is a juvenlie desire.
    and you signed off. fuck you assfuck.