Ex Helps You Get A Date

Hey, you doing anything tonight?

Studying? Great, you're free to go out with me tonight, then.

No, you do *not* need to study more; yes finals are coming up, but you've been studying for *hours* now, surely you should be feeling tired by now. This would be a great time for a break.

Nope, I'm not having it. You're coming with me. I need to find you something to wear though... Not gonna find you a girl dressed like that.

Yes, that's why we're going out!

Come on, you've complained to me about feeling lonely lately, and who can blame you? You stay in your room all damn day; this would be a great opportunity for you to go out and meet new people! Not gonna find a date if you stay holed up in your room all the time.

Look, I know things with us kind of went south, but that doesn't mean that you're *never* going to find someone else. Seriously, someone like you should have an *easy* time. Now, come on, we got to get you dressed up a little. Let's see what you have to wear.

*rummages through closet*

How do you have only *one* polo? *sigh* guess that'll have to do... And some nice jeans, and there. You'll look actually presentable. After you comb your hair.

Fine, I'll concede that you *do* look pretty cute with the whole 'fluffed up' look; I'll let that slide. Anyway, go change, I will, too.

*pause*

Well, well, well, look at you; you look *so* handsome. Girls won't be able to keep their hands off you~

Oh, shush, I mean it. You *do* look really nice. Now, let's get going, shall we?

*door open/close SFX; car start SFX*

What? Of course, I believe in you. You're quite charming when you want to be. An absolutely amazing guy.

Nope, not going to let you tear at yourself anymore; you're such a downer sometimes... Gotta be a little nicer to yourself.

What? Oh god, you're not going there, are you? You seriously aren't trying to have *that* conversation again! Is it so hard to believe that I actually want the best for you? That even though we broke up that I still am your friend and care so much about you?

Wow, that's... that's kind of shitty to hear. Do I really have to do this song and dance again for you to believe me? I really *really* would rather drop it and you put an *ounce* of faith into me 'cause every time I have to do this it hurts just as much as the first time.

Fine. Fine! I guess we're talking about this. Again. *sigh* I still feel guilty about breaking up with you, because you think it's your fault, you think it's because you're not desirable. I remember a time when you were confident, suave even. And now, you're just... you're not. You hole yourself in your room; granted, you were never *really* that outgoing, but any amount that you were just disappeared. You stopped trying. And every time you attack yourself, say things like 'I'm not worth it', 'why would anyone date me' I'm reminded of what happened after we broke up. I had to *constantly* reassure you that it wasn't your fault. I had to be the one to heal your broken heart, while pretending that mine wasn't broken, too.

*pause*

We make a great pair, you know? We make great friends. And that's why it's *so* hard to listen to you berate yourself, because I still love you, just not in the way you want. You're *such* an amazing guy, so kind, thoughtful, lovable. I know you know that, you just sometimes need to hear it from someone else, which I'm more than happy to tell you how amazing I think you are; but the way you go about it, how you attack yourself just to try to get me to negate it honestly, I'm sick of it. If you need a confidence boost, ask for it. Because I'm done with feeling that heartbreak again, and again, and *again*, okay? I'm done playing this game.

Okay, now that I've spilled my guts to you *another* time, are you feeling a little bit better?

*sigh* I know you're nervous, which is completely understandable. But you got me there to support you. If anything goes wrong, you get rejected, or just need someone to kick you in the ass to get you going, I'll be there. Also, it's a bar; get some liquid courage in you and i'm sure you'll feel better.

*pause*

Okay, we're here. Now, it'll probably be a little loud at first, but I'm going to be right next to you, so don't worry, alright?

Hmm, where should we sit... Ooh there's a spot right here at the bar for the two of us. Now, to get you something to drink.

Really? You're ordering shots of shitty-ass vodka? If I had known you were going to do that I would have offered to pay for something at least a little bit nicer than *that*. Oh well, enjoy your acetone.

Yea, wasn't a bright idea, now was it? No chaser even; you're a maniac, you know that, right? Well, are you at least feeling a little bit calmer?

Give it a few minutes, it'll hit you. Now, in the meantime, you seeing anyone that you fancy? How about that brunette over there, she's not talking to anyone right now, how about you go over to her and say hi.

Yes, that's how this works. It's not all nice and easy where everyone comes up to you, as much as I wish it was that way. If you want to find someone you gotta put it in your work.

Look, if you *really* don't want to go up to anyone, I won't make you. If you really just want to have a night out with just us I'm okay with that. But, I *have* kind of set up a situation for you where you can be talkative and meet new people without much risk of failure.

Well, yea they can obviously reject you. That's always an option, you downer. But, if that happens, I'm here to tell you that she's a hoe and you don't deserve her. Now, go on, go chat her up.

Try this, "Hi, my friend pointed me out to you and I think you're pretty cute, can I buy you a drink?" Now go!

What to talk about? Ooh tell her the yogurt story, that always makes me laugh. Now, stop stalling before I drag you over to her myself.

Okay, things are looking fine, she's smiling. That's it, sit down, tell her the story... She's laughing, that's a *great* sign. Oh, he's pulling out his phone, that's an even better sign. Nice, get her number! Hell yea!

Oh? He's coming back over.

Hey, you tiger, you. How'd things go? From over here it seemed like things were going pretty well.

Oh, she's with a friend right now; I was wondering why things were cut so short, seemed like things were going so well!

You know, I'm really proud of you; you put your heart out and you succeeded. Pick something you want, we need something to celebrate. Cheers, dude.