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  1. Morgish Mass Percy Murderer
  2. A Screenplay by Anonymous
  3.  
  4. INT. DISCORD - AFTERNOON
  5.  
  6. British mod SIR. TYLER ROX is arguing with pog mod MRS. MORNING CATT. TYLER tries to hug MORNING but she shakes him off.
  7.  
  8. TYLER
  9. Please Morning, don't leave me.
  10.  
  11. MORNING
  12. I'm sorry Tyler, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
  13.  
  14. TYLER
  15. I am such a person!
  16.  
  17. MORNING frowns.
  18.  
  19. MORNING
  20. I'm sorry, Tyler. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
  21.  
  22. MORNING leaves.
  23.  
  24. TYLER sits down, looking defeated.
  25.  
  26. Moments later, cheery veteran MR. IMBA PINGU barges in looking flustered.
  27.  
  28. TYLER
  29. Goodness, Imba! Is everything okay?
  30.  
  31. IMBA
  32. I'm afraid not.
  33.  
  34. TYLER
  35. What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
  36.  
  37. IMBA
  38. It's ... a mass percy murderer ... I saw an evil mass percy murderer deceive a bunch of res!
  39.  
  40. TYLER
  41. Defenseless res?
  42.  
  43. IMBA
  44. Yes, defenseless res!
  45.  
  46. TYLER
  47. Bloomin' heck, Imba! We've got to do something.
  48.  
  49. IMBA
  50. I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
  51.  
  52. TYLER
  53. You can start by telling me where this happened.
  54.  
  55. IMBA
  56. I was...
  57.  
  58. IMBA fans himself and begins to wheeze.
  59.  
  60. TYLER
  61. Focus Imba, focus! Where did it happen?
  62.  
  63. IMBA
  64. Mission 3! That's right - Mission 3!
  65.  
  66. TYLER springs up and begins to run.
  67.  
  68. EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
  69.  
  70. TYLER rushes along the street, followed by IMBA. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
  71.  
  72. INT. MISSION 3 - SHORTLY AFTER
  73.  
  74. BASS E.M. a morgish mass percy murderer terrorises two res.
  75.  
  76. TYLER, closely followed by IMBA, rushes towards BASS, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
  77.  
  78. IMBA
  79. What is is? What's the matter?
  80.  
  81. TYLER
  82. That's not just any old mass percy murderer, that's Bass E.M.!
  83.  
  84. IMBA
  85. Who's Bass E.M.?
  86.  
  87. TYLER
  88. Who's Bass E.M.? Who's Bass E.M.? Only the most morgish mass percy murderer in the universe!
  89.  
  90. IMBA
  91. Blinkin' knickers, Tyler! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most morgish mass percy murderer in the universe!
  92.  
  93. TYLER
  94. You can say that again.
  95.  
  96. IMBA
  97. Blinkin' knickers, Tyler! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most morgish mass percy murderer in the universe!
  98.  
  99. TYLER
  100. I'm going to need swords, lots of swords.
  101.  
  102. Bass turns and sees Tyler and Imba. He grins an evil grin.
  103.  
  104. BASS
  105. Tyler Rox, we meet again.
  106.  
  107. IMBA
  108. You've met?
  109.  
  110. TYLER
  111. Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
  112.  
  113.  
  114. EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
  115.  
  116. A young TYLER is sitting in a park listening to some baby shark music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
  117.  
  118. He looks up and sees BASS. He takes off his headphones.
  119.  
  120. BASS
  121. Would you like some tea candy?
  122.  
  123. TYLER's eyes light up, but then he studies BASS more closely, and looks uneasy.
  124.  
  125. TYLER
  126. I don't know, you look kind of morgish.
  127.  
  128. BASS
  129. Me? No. I'm not morgish. I'm the least morgish mass percy murderer in the world.
  130.  
  131. TYLER
  132. Wait, you're a mass percy murderer?
  133.  
  134. TYLER runs away, screaming.
  135.  
  136. INT. MISSION 3 - PRESENT DAY
  137.  
  138. BASS
  139. You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
  140.  
  141. IMBA
  142. (To TYLER) You ran away?
  143.  
  144. TYLER
  145. (To IMBA) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
  146.  
  147. TYLER turns to BASS.
  148.  
  149. TYLER
  150. I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
  151.  
  152. TYLER runs away.
  153.  
  154. He turns back and shouts.
  155.  
  156. TYLER
  157. I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with swords.
  158.  
  159. BASS
  160. I'm not scared of you.
  161.  
  162. TYLER
  163. You should be.
  164.  
  165.  
  166. INT. FORUM - LATER THAT DAY
  167.  
  168. TYLER and IMBA walk around searching for something.
  169.  
  170. TYLER
  171. I feel sure I left my swords somewhere around here.
  172.  
  173. IMBA
  174. Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly swords.
  175.  
  176. TYLER
  177. You know nothing Imba Pingu.
  178.  
  179. IMBA
  180. We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
  181.  
  182. Suddenly, BASS appears, holding a pair of swords.
  183.  
  184. BASS
  185. Looking for something?
  186.  
  187. IMBA
  188. Crikey, Tyler, he's got your swords.
  189.  
  190. TYLER
  191. Tell me something I don't already know!
  192.  
  193. IMBA
  194. The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
  195.  
  196. TYLER
  197. I know that already!
  198.  
  199. IMBA
  200. I'm actually Percival.
  201.  
  202. BASS
  203. (appalled) Dude!
  204.  
  205. While BASS is looking at IMBA with disgust, TYLER lunges forward and grabs his deadly swords. He wields them, triumphantly.
  206.  
  207. TYLER
  208. Prepare to die, you morgish potato!
  209.  
  210. BASS
  211. No please! All I did was deceive a bunch of res!
  212.  
  213. MORNING enters, unseen by any of the others.
  214.  
  215. TYLER
  216. I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those res were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Tyler Rox defender of innocent res.
  217.  
  218. BASS
  219. Don't hurt me! Please!
  220.  
  221. TYLER
  222. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these swords on you right away!
  223.  
  224. BASS
  225. Because Tyler, I am your father.
  226.  
  227. TYLER looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
  228.  
  229. TYLER
  230. No you're not!
  231.  
  232. BASS
  233. Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
  234.  
  235. BASS tries to grab the swords but TYLER dodges out of the way.
  236.  
  237. TYLER
  238. Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
  239.  
  240. Unexpectedly, BASS slumps to the ground.
  241.  
  242. IMBA
  243. Did he just faint?
  244.  
  245. TYLER
  246. I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly swords.
  247.  
  248. TYLER crouches over BASS's body.
  249.  
  250. IMBA
  251. Be careful, Tyler. It could be a trick.
  252.  
  253. TYLER
  254. No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Bass E.M. is dead!
  255.  
  256. TYLER
  257. What?
  258.  
  259. TYLER
  260. Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
  261.  
  262. IMBA claps his hands.
  263.  
  264. IMBA
  265. So your swords did save the day, after all.
  266.  
  267. MORNING steps forward.
  268.  
  269. MORNING
  270. Is it true? Did you kill the morgish mass percy murderer?
  271.  
  272. TYLER
  273. Morning how long have you been...?
  274.  
  275. MORNING puts her arm around TYLER.
  276.  
  277. MORNING
  278. Long enough.
  279.  
  280. TYLER
  281. Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Bass E.M..
  282.  
  283. MORNING
  284. Then the res are safe?
  285.  
  286. TYLER
  287. It does seem that way!
  288.  
  289. A crowd of vulnerable res enter, looking relived.
  290.  
  291. MORNING
  292. You are their hero.
  293.  
  294. The res bow to TYLER.
  295.  
  296. TYLER
  297. There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Bass E.M. will never deceive res ever again, is enough for me.
  298.  
  299. MORNING
  300. You are humble as well as brave!
  301.  
  302. One of the res passes TYLER a clean m5
  303.  
  304. MORNING
  305. I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
  306.  
  307. TYLER
  308. I couldn't possibly.
  309.  
  310. Pause.
  311.  
  312. TYLER
  313. Well, if you insist.
  314.  
  315. TYLER takes the m5.
  316.  
  317. TYLER
  318. Thank you.
  319.  
  320. The res bow their heads once more, and leave.
  321.  
  322. TYLER turns to MORNING.
  323.  
  324. TYLER
  325. Does this mean you want me back?
  326.  
  327. MORNING
  328. Oh, Tyler, of course I want you back!
  329.  
  330. TYLER smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
  331.  
  332. TYLER
  333. Well you can't have me.
  334.  
  335. MORNING
  336. WHAT?
  337.  
  338. TYLER
  339. You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a mass percy murderer to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
  340.  
  341. MORNING
  342. But...
  343.  
  344. TYLER
  345. Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Imba.
  346.  
  347. IMBA grins.
  348.  
  349. MORNING
  350. But...
  351.  
  352. IMBA
  353. You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
  354.  
  355. MORNING
  356. Tyler?
  357.  
  358. TYLER
  359. I'm sorry Morning, but I think you should skidaddle.
  360.  
  361. MORNING leaves.
  362.  
  363. IMBA turns to TYLER.
  364.  
  365. IMBA
  366. Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
  367.  
  368. TYLER
  369. Of course you are!
  370.  
  371. The two walk off arm in arm.
  372.  
  373. Suddenly IMBA stops.
  374.  
  375. IMBA
  376. When I said I'm actually Percival, you know I was just trying to distract the mass percy murderer don't you?
  377.  
  378. THE END
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