Gaben

>Gaben rolls onstage
>Everything is silent save for the sound of Gabe's heaving breaths
>He finally breaks the silence "I am...pleased...to announce..."
>The entire audience is shaking
>The suspense is so thick you could cut it with a knife
>Gaben cuts the suspense with a knife and spreads it on toast
>While eating the toast he continues "the long-awaited release...of..."
>Many audience members have gone into shock and others have run out of the room in tears
>The faint smell of diarrhea and tomato sauce lurks in the air
>"Brand new hats for Team Fortress 2. Hopefully it will have been worth the weight."
>The audience flies into a screaming rage
>Gaben is startled and starts to choke on his toast
>Several stagehands come in and begin to construct tracks for two trains to drive in and give him the Heimlich
>It's too late
>Gaben's health gets too low and he unleashes his final form
>There are no survivors