Let's Try Together (re-upload)

I'm glad you returned home (insert any name you'd like). It's really good to see you again and catch up.
I'm so interested in hearing your stories from overseas and what things you got into.
How're you doing? Are you like, okay? With being back in America I mean.

[pause]

Well I've been fine. Things have been rather slow. The job has been alright, making money and dealing with idiots.
Oh man, there was this one time where this guy came up and tried to flirt with me. It was so awkward. I had to turn
him down because... well it's not that important. He got so upset, the boss had to come out and throw him out.
It's good to know I have a caring boss and not someone who would throw me to the dogs. Guys come all the time
trying to hook up with me, just because I work at a video game shop. Can you believe that shit? But it pays well,
and I'm not really in a position to complain.

I did think about you every so often. Wondered what things you were up to. Who you were with. Not in that way haha,
I was just curious. Going to Europe is such an amazing experience and I just kept imagining you having a great time
with your buddies. I bet you even hooked up with some nice European women.

[pause, stumble over your words, surprised]

You... didn't? Well, that fucking sucks man. I can't see why anyone wouldn't want to hook up with you. You're attractive,
have a unique style, and you're just... you're a really great guy (name). But hey, you're back. And the world is vast and huge and women are all around. So don't sweat it. You'll grab someone.

["I don't know, I'm not that att-" get angry, cut him off]

No! Stop that (name)! Just stop, fucking stop. You're a wonderful guy, you really are. None of this bullshit alright? You just got back and I need you to know that you're a fucking amazing, wonderful, lovely, person. And any person would be lucky to have you. I would be lucky to have you. I want to have you.

[sad chuckle]

There it is. Out in the open. While you were away, you were all I could think about. And it's not like I tried to get you off my mind, okay? I slept with a lot of people, I hooked up with a lot of strangers. I did the nightclub scene, but you know what? I just couldn't get you out of my head. You were like some broken record in my mind that keeps skipping over, and your image was there but it was fragmented and the more and more it skipped the more the image got distorted and I thought that was a good thing but I didn't want you gone. I didn't want you to leave, for fuck sake (name).

[sigh]

I watched a lot of romantic films while you were away. You know the typical bullshit "eat ice cream while sitting in your pajamas and watching romance films"? I did that. But there was a film in particular that really got to me. And I forget the name of it, but there was a line and the girl said, "How can you trust your feelings when they can just disappear like that?" And I was so scared by it. I didn't want my feelings for you to disappear but if you were out with other women, I couldn't handle that. I mean, I know I'd have to. But I didn't want to, don't you understand? I wouldn't be able to stand here if I knew you had something with someone else. I just fucking couldn't.

I'm not going to beg. I'm an adult. I can handle my emotions. I can dust off. I can get right. And I'm not going to say "I love you" (name). . .

[start breaking down, subtly, growing gradually]

But... I think I could. I would like to. And now that you're back, I'd like to try. Can we please? Please don't let my emotions disappear. I don't want to create new gimmicks. I want our gimmicks.

So can we try?