Group_Message.docx 22/06/2018

Group_Message.docx

This has been ongoing for over a year and a half now at least. I have been feeling like I am being pushed further and further away. And just so we are clear am not making this to Guilt trip you like some might have you believe. I am making this as the last effort before I go away, and this will be my choice to do so not yours.



I know you hate it when I bring up the past, but this can't be ignored anymore. Because it is and nothing ever gets better in this group. Not for me at least, I get blamed for a lot of things that I do not do. However yes I will admit I have started it the last two times now.



However like I keep asking when was the last time someone cared. Because I keep hearing "I don't Care" and "That's not our responsibility". However, I do not think I am asking for too much. You say it's too much to ask someone how they are, but I go around and ask everyone, and most of the time I do not get it back from most people.



Let me be clear I don't need to be cuddled by any of you 24/7. However what I do need is a group of friend who will be there for me in my Darkest Hour.



Yes, I will, Point out it is Kevin, Lily and Elliot. I am finding these three to be worst out of the group for pushing me away. Elliot asked me to address each one of these and so I shall.



I shall begin with the big thing, Who of you helped me when I was going through my bad relationships? None, in my mind you all pushed it aside like it was no big deal and I was forced to endure it by myself.

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Group:



-Fluff

At first, this was a great relationship, thanks to Kevin crying. I ended up with a load of sanctions meaning I could not even show that I was in love with her.



Then when she started brainwashing, you were all disinterested. Yes, you did tell me to leave her. But you did so by pushing me away, forcing me to pick between you and her. These did not help me at all, and I was forced into her brainwashing until I broke free thanks to Remon.



-Alex

I loved Alex with all my heart, and again I was against sanctioned for showing it because it would upset people. I will address this still shortly after the BF and GF rants.



When Alex left me, you did not tell me that I would find someone else. You just told me to get rid of him, because he was a dick. I loved Alex with all my heart. None of you believed me till I broke down after drinking way too much Rum.



It was not till a few weeks ago I finally got over him. But I was forced to face this alone from the start.



-Remon

I will not speak much about him, But when you started to push me away, I could run to him and be happy. Buts its thanks to him am not with Alex and me, and he doesn't speak anymore.



It was, excruciating to give him up. However, I could not go to any of you for help.



- Casting me out for dating

You have also been casting me out every time I tried to date someone. And when I tried to be open about it Lily, cast me down for it.



Dating hard as it stands, I want to be with someone but its made extremely hard when my only friend group won't support me. Instead, you discourage and cast me aside for doing so.



- It feels like no one once me there

I feel like a lot of my messages get ignored. And more often than not, whenever someone else messages they get a response and am sat there like, well. Guess no one cares then.



When me and Kevin, would fight. I always find that am the one left alone, Kevin has everyone around him, and I have no one. You don't understand how lonely this makes me feel. I can see Kevin surrounded with everyone I care about and am left alone.



I sent a snap out saying I past my test, Only Emy responded to it. No one else did. And no one but grace asked why I was inviting everyone to the Cube Zone



- No one asks me where I go when I leave suddenly - (vanished for a month)

I know I have a terrible habit of disappearing with no words. However, when I vanish for three days or even a month, I would expect someone to question where I am saying I Join every day.



- It feels like I cant breath without upsetting someone

Right now I feel like I can't breathe or do anything. Without someone getting upset. And yes Mandis, this is something you do. I may say something, and you have told me, "don't be like that". Am not trying to be anything, today, when I asked if you wanted me to join, it was because I went around asking everyone and I wanted to be with the first person who agreed to it.



That set me off and its why I lashed out at everyone.



So yes in some ways it is everyone in the group doing little things, but when I have prominent people making me feel unwelcomed the little things can hurt the most.

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Kevin:



Most of our fight has been because I went to you for help, and you did nothing but arguing with me. I know you're saying you were giving me advice, but you don't listen I can't take your information. Mostly because it does not help, to provide you with an image of what its like. I have a load of burgers, and I ask Kevin.

"Hey what should I do with these burgers?" - John

"Run a Hot Dog Stand" - Kevin

"But that's not what I said, do you even read what I said?" - John

"OH HO, Look at me am Kevin am Stupid, and I don't read. Just do my Advise John!" - Kevin

"Yes, you are stupid how am I support to run a Hot Dog stand with only Burgers?" - John

"I didn't say to cook cats, John! WTH!" - Kevin (Note here he added something no one said)



- Insert hour-long rant, of me calling Kevin stupid till he works out that I only have burgers and not hot dogs-



"SEE THIS GUYS, JOHNS TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID AND STUFF" - Kevin



-Insert even more argument-



So yea I hope you get the picture.





- The night Kevin Did nothing

You have not even apologised for this. And this is why I have been mad at your for a while. You did nothing, I freaked out that night, and yes you were asleep, so I cant expect you to do anything. But you did not even message me at all you left it. You didn't also check up on it, and when I got mad about it you didn't also apologise. "this was not your problem" However what am else am I supposed to do if I freak out on a night? Deal with it myself? I can't think straight am shaking and panicking at the same time. It's not fun at all, and am in no shape to look after me. All I wanted was someone to talk me down, or at least make sure I was alright the next day as any good friend should.



- Guilt tripping Saga

I am fucking pissed at this, Not only did you think me going to you for help was me trying to guilt trip you, but you also convinced Lily and Mandis about it too. You told me it was the whole group and I went round to try and Fix it.



And this was not cool at all, and you should have told me about it before you went around and spread it. I felt the tension for this and it going me panicking thinking I was going to lose everyone.



- The going to him for help, when he asks for it but then complain when I try to help others

Not much else to say, I already told you about this. BUT you said it yourself you wanted people to come to you for help. But when I did, I got punished for it. Mostly in arguments see above.



- The way he thinks he knows what is best for everyone

You do not, let me make that Clear for you. You have no idea what anyone needs because you do not listen to anyone. So open your ears some more and then maybe you can help people.



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Lily:



- finding it funny when I try to clear things up

And this is not cool at all. I was trying to make things better. But whenever I do you laugh at me, as if to say am nothing but a child. However what you don't understand is by laughing at people trying to fix things this makes you the child. I know I told you off for this last time but still don't do this.



- Yelling at me for making Jokes

I made some jokes about Kevin, and him doing stuff I would get yelled at for. And instead of playing along or being nice. You yell at me for starting shit when I was trying to have a good time.



- Rude attitude to me in calls making me feel unwelcome

I don't think you noticed. But you been rather rude to me in calls (what little we are), that's why I asked you if you were mad at me. Being sarcastic can be fun but not when you do it to be mean.



- Blaming me for all the fights

I started the last two yes, but the ones before that were Kevin, being a fucking idiot and not listening for me. But even after we work it out, I seem to be the one left with blame because you think I can take it all the time. It's not cool, not when Kevin and I are both to blame for it getting out of hand.



- Yelling at me for trying to date people

I think I made my point on this matter. You are the worst for this.





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Elliot:



- The night we spoke, and he made me feel worse because he did not listen

Am not going into detail. Because it's not worth it, but it hurt, it hurt a lot and its why I got so mad at you.



- One of the worst, for ignoring me

I won't have a massive go at you. You are the third worse yes. But it's pointless saying any more than this. It would be nice if you asked me how I was back when I ask how are you.



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Why did I not do this sooner



- Fear of being Yelled at



- Fear of being alone



- Laughed at



- Accused of making more Drama



- Guilt tripping



- Every time I bring something up I get yelled at for bringing up the past, even though the past never gets fixed.



^^ The above says it all, Am scared too. But now am getting pushed to my Limit so I can help but keep bursting into anger.

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Why I have made the Cube Zone

- Loneliness

I wanted to make a place I could feel I could belong.



- New friends and old

I plan on making new friends, one who will ask me to join. I have a lot of old friends I would like to talk more with, and I needed a place to do so.



- Why add the Cool people

Am adding you into your group in here, A place you can speak to me even if I never join back into any of the other groups. A place I could contact you should be you wish or should I.



https://discord.gg/feTPhKr - Your Link should you need it.

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Last Points

- You never did tell me what I did for guilt tripping

I this was never cleared up as to what I did to start all this, I would like to clear this up as much as possible as this is not the case at all. I would gain nothing from doing this. The only thing that would happen is me losing all of you.



- yes I did attack everyone today

Am not going to lie, I did. I know why I did it, but that does not change anything.



- No am not perfect

As much as Kevin likes to say how great I am, I am not, I am far from perfect.



- The two options still stand

It is simple, We can fix it, and I stay. Or I can leave forever.



- Two groups, one who asks me to join and the other that ignores me.



I have said this a few times now, and I mean it, At the moment it feels like this group does not ask me to join but rather the opersit. If I were to find people who asked me to join them, then I would never speak to you again. It's a small thing I know if I am not welcome I will not stay.

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Please Note the following, I do not hate you, and I do not want your sympathy I wish to talk this out the best I can. A lot has been going on, and I fear I am reaching my Limit. I have added a Link to the Cube Zone my Discord server where you can contact me should you need to.



I am not blackmailing you nor will I ever. But I will not stay in a place I am unwelcome, so this choice is mine and mine alone. However, this does not mean you don't have a decision to make yourself.