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  2. World-renowned Reporter Patrick Mannion died today in a hospital in Lynn, Massachusetts. Doctors are still unsure of what exactly caused the death, but believe it was due to complications after Patrick Mannion driving too fast and suffered pains in his penis. He was two years old.
  4. Patrick Mannion was a excitedly person, who enjoyed everything about life. He was known for his passion for chocolate, which he often ate 23 times a day. He loved to share chocolate with everyone, and would even offer chocolate to strangers. Patrick Mannion also enjoyed traveling, especially to historical landmarks, and loved meeting people around the world. On his trip to Dublin he even met the president (and yes, he offered him chocolate). After meeting him, Patrick Mannion said the President was enormous.
  6. Patrick Mannion is survived by his partner Jamie Hussey, their 219 children, and their pet cat named balls.
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