API tools faq
paste
Advertisement
Guest User

Untitled

a guest
Jul 20th, 2017
67
0
Never
Add comment
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
text 2.78 KB | None | 0 0
raw download clone embed print report
  1. 1.2 The Birth of BOFH - Striped Irregular Bucket #5
  2.  
  3. I’m still bored.
  4.  
  5. But at least now the radio’s off, it was on it’s 12 repeat of ”Wildfire” THIS WEEK, and it’s only Tuesday; shit I hate
  6.  
  7. 2
  8.  
  9. that.
  10.  
  11. So anyway, I quicklime the engineer to remove any fingerprints and then FedEx him back to headquarters and set
  12. about waiting for the new engineer.
  13.  
  14. Now the second engineer only has to come out after another 4 hours, there’s no death of engineer penalty clause, (but
  15. I’m thinking about asking for one) so I’ve got to fill in some time. This guy’s going to be a technical engineer, the
  16. sort that comes in with a raggedy tie where he got it caught in the drum printer at 3000 rpm a couple of years ago, and
  17. he’ll have the grazes on the face that indicate that he didn’t get the gate open in time...
  18.  
  19. I know those sorts...
  20.  
  21. So I fill in a couple of hours by killing users off and deleting their files, then waiting for them to call...
  22.  
  23. ”Um, I can’t find my files” the wimpering simp on the phone says
  24.  
  25. ”Files? What files?”
  26.  
  27. ”The files in my account. My thesis, my research - all gone!”
  28.  
  29. ”Gone ay? What’s your username?”
  30.  
  31. ”TURGEN”
  32.  
  33. ”TROJAN?! LIKE THE CONDOM?”
  34.  
  35. ”No TURGEN. T-U-R”
  36.  
  37. ”OH Turgen, like TURD, but with a GEN instead of a D... Ok lets see” I make vague clicking noises my dragging the
  38. quicklimed man’s fingers back and forth across the keypad. ”Uh-huh” drag drag ”Yeah..” dragedy poke ”AH!
  39. - You haven’t got any files”
  40.  
  41. ”I KNOW!”
  42.  
  43. ”Well, what are you calling ME for? We don’t make the files you know, we just look after them. And chopitty-chop
  44. too, your thesis looks like it’s due in a couple of days..”
  45.  
  46. I hang up - he’ll call back. Meantime I open up a copy of ”VMS BASTARD OPERATORS MANUAL FROM HELL”
  47. I’m reading the article I sent in about getting rid of those trouble users...
  48.  
  49. ”... Modify the user’s password minimum from 6 to 32 letters, give the
  50. password a 1 day lifetime, set it so that they HAVE to use the password
  51. generate utility when they change their password (so their password will
  52. always be something that looks like vaguely pronouncable line-noise), add
  53. a secondary password with the same as the above, then redefine their CLI
  54. tables so that the only command that works is DELETE, and all other
  55. commands point to it.”
  56.  
  57. Beautiful.... Shit I’m good!
  58.  
  59. He calls back.
  60.  
  61. ”MY FILES ARE GONE!” he screams, panicking.
  62.  
  63. ”Did you have a backup?” I ask, as sweet as pie
  64.  
  65. ”But that’s what you people are supposed to do!” he sobs
  66.  
  67. ”Yeah, well we did - but then we switched to those 8mm tapes, and they’re the same size as the ones in my video
  68. camera, so I’ve been using them to tape the neighbour’s sex romps...”
  69.  
  70. I hear the revolver go off, but what the hell, it’s 5pm, and not my problem...
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement
Public Pastes
Advertisement
We use cookies for various purposes including analytics. By continuing to use Pastebin, you agree to our use of cookies as described in the Cookies Policy.  OK, I Understand
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!