Username: Ghost-Quartet

Album: Blackout Though Britney is kind of considered the prototypical pop princess I don’t think she gets enough credit for just how weird she is. This is a weird album, certainly not what my mind goes to when I think of pop music and I think that’s to be commended. She took some risks and created a unique album, but one that did not age well. The autotune and droning club beats are very much a product of their time. *Circus* remains my favorite Britney album, I think it took the things that worked about this album (unconventional production choices and weirdness) and expanded on them nicely. I actually have trouble seeing why so many people tout this as one of the best pop albums of all time, the back half is very weak and it’s kind of a slog to get through because the songs really blend together.

Gimme More: 9 The “It’s Britney bitch” intro is obviously iconic, but I think it’s those weird distorted vocals that sing “more” that really steal the show.

Piece of Me: 7 Yes I know that this is a powerful depiction of Britney’s situation at the time and as a cultural artifact I think it’s fantastic, but as a song? It’s kind of underwhelming. I get what she’s going for with the dead, autotuned vocals stumbling around on the lethargic track reflecting the reality of the subject matter but like… it’s not very fun to listen to. If you had no clue who Britney was this track would just feel confusing.

Radar: 7 Britney also included this on *Circus*  because she believed in it so much as a single and I don’t get why she stanned this song so hard. It’s not a bad song by any means, but the sort of sing-songy melody kind of makes it sound like something kids would chant on a playground. Britney sounds like she’s having a good time and her vocals are pretty powerful for this album though, so it’s still on the higher end of *Blackout* but it definitely gets overwhelmed on *Circus*. And does it sound like she’s saying “operator” to anyone else?

Break the Ice: 8 I like this song but, at the risk of blasphemy, the more I listen to it the less I hear Britney in it? Keri Hilson was a songwriter and is credited for backup vocals and you can hear her pretty clearly throughout the song. It’s especially noticeable towards the end when Britney is doing ad libs over the chorus, it’s pretty clear that it’s not the same person.

Heaven on Earth: 9.5  I’m a bit mixed on the droning club aesthetic of this album but I think it really works here to recreate the euphoria that Britney is describing. She gives probably the best vocal performance on the album here because it really plays to her strengths. She doesn’t need to do anything particularly impressive vocally for this track, her nasal voice is a surprising asset here because it helps her sound very girlish and sexy at the same time, if that makes sense. There’s almost a hint of innocence to her delivery that really makes her sound lovestruck. And I adore that bridge where she keeps answering herself and bouncing between lines, it sounds heavenly.

Get Naked (I've Got a Plan): 8.5 Desnudate (Get Naked (I’ve Got A Plan)). One of the better songs on the album, there’s this underlying theme on the album of Britney kind of stumbling around a club blackout drunk and I think this song in particular really captures that. It reminds of those scenes in a movie where somebody is fading out in the middle of a crowd and everything starts stretching and distorting with the way all of these weird effects and vocals keep swirling around the track. Most noticeably the pitched down vocals of that dude are really effective in giving Britney something to play against. In fact, my biggest criticism of the track is that Britney gets really outshined by all of the elements around her.

Freakshow: 6 hahahahahaha what the fuck is happening here

Toy Soldier: 7 Something about this song sleeves me out. I think I’m reading into it too hard but I’m kind of tired of the image of the soldier as the paragon of masculinity and the metropolitan man as shameful and undesirable. It’s a super galaxy brain take but there it is. I get what she’s trying to say here I just wish she’d phrased it a bit different, lyrically and musically. One half of me loves how it sounds but the other half of me is completely annoyed by it. It’s fun in a trashy kind of way, her vocal performance is kind of grating and every single musical effect they layered onto it is obnoxious (those synths? please) but at the same time that’s like… kind of the fun part.

Hot as Ice: 7.5 I like that weird operatic sounding trill that sounds off throughout the song. I wish that they’d given Britney a second pass at the vocals here, she’s clearly having a lot of fun but her vocals are *very* nasal and underwhelming here, which is a shame because I think it cheapens what’s otherwise one of the best written songs on the album.

Ooh Ooh Baby: 5 Kind of sounds like a budget “Womanizer.” Pretty generic all things considered, it kind of sounds like every other song on the album just got thrown into a blender. You can clearly hear hints of “Hot as Ice” and “Radar” to the point where I keep waiting it to transition into those.

Perfect Lover: 3 Oh wow a filler track. I have nothing to say about this one, it’s pretty messy.

Why Should I Be Sad: 8 A touch of pathos for the album that I really appreciate, especially to close things out. I wish they’d trusted her a bit more, stuff like the “Britney let’s go” refrain detract from her performance. Cliche as it is I think a stripped back track (or even one that starts production heavy and slowly strips the elements away until it’s just Britney) would have made a fantastic end for the album. I know they weren’t really out to make alb ballads with this album but this was just begging for a more serious arrangement than it got. The finished product is good, but I just think it could have been better.

Album: X I think the thing that distinguishes *X* from the other albums in the rate is warmth. I read that some people were disappointed by this album because they thought that it would be darker and more focused on Kylie’s experiences with cancer, but like, a) it’s not our place to demand she bare her pain for us like that and b) the album is kind of in response to that if you really think about it. Throughout the album Kylie paints herself as a sort of robot woman discovering sensation. Through this medium she can illuminate the beauty of simple things like touch, sight, a heartbeat. She can never quite give us an exact description of it but that’s the abstract nature of euphoria, she can only sum it up with a phrase like “wow.” It also helps that Kylie delivered some of the most straightforward pop songs in the rate. She’s made the choice to be joyously present on the album, whereas her competitors made the choice to deliberately check out. It’s not her best album by any means (*Aphrodite* would follow and that album is perfect) but it’s a worthy entry into any artist’s discography.

2 Hearts: 9 What a brassy, sexy opener for the album. There’s a sense of gravity to this track with that low thrumming piano and the rise and fall of the music, it’s so… down and dirty and slutty. I’m living. Kylie throwing herself all over the piano in the music video is exactly what I feel like whenever I hear this song. There’s so much style to this song that Kylie could easily have gotten lost but she owns this track like a champ, her vocal performance is impeccable. I love that siren-call high note that she slams after every refrain of “I’m in love.” Also Kylie looks beautiful in the video, she looks like Nicole Kidman in a Marilyn Monroe biopic.

Like a Drug: 6 This is kind of a letdown of a second track. I think that comparing love to drugs is kind of played out in music and this isn’t the song to bring new life to the phrase. There’s that one synth thing that keeps playing that I think is supposed to be the song’s ace, but it does nothing for me.

In My Arms: 8.5 There’s a hint of narcissism to this track… like she wants to know how it feels in her own arms? Okay girl. If I was Kylie I’d feel the same way though, and the attitude really works here. The coy way that she interrupts us with an “I’m listening” and slows everything down for a minute just to tease us… power move.

Speakerphone: 7 I get that this is a fan favorite but personally I’ve never been a huge fan of it. I think “Nudity” is basically the better version of this track. She low-key predicted the streaming era though.

Sensitized: 7 Kind of gives me Madonna vibes? The vaguely (I think) Middle Eastern production and random hooting are definitely things that Madonna would do. I like how it expands on this idea of sensation that follows throughout the album, she can never quite find the words to describe what she’s feeling but she makes sure to let us know that she’s feeling them, and that her body is fluent.

Heart Beat Rock: 8 Confused sexy robot Kylie is one of my favorite Kylies. If I’m not mistaken this is one of the most minimalist tracks in the rate, I like how jittery and stilted it is because it frames sexy in an unusual context.

The One: 9 Here Kylie places herself at the center of a swirling galaxy. It’s brilliant the way that this track builds, starting off with that simple pulse before there’s a sonic “big bang” and elements start introducing themselves to the song one by one and building upon each other until the end of the song where Kylie has placed herself at the center of a swirling galaxy of music. It’s a tall order to call yourself “the one” without coming off as arrogant or overambitious, and there’s few artists I can think of that pull it off like Kylie can. There’s a benevolence to the way that she phrases it that makes you want to agree with her, she states it so calmly and beautifully that you’re naturally drawn to believe it. I was familiar with the Freemasons Mix long before I listened to the album in full and I do think that it’s better than the album version, but I still think that the album version offers up its own unique experience. It’s a lot slower and almost messier, and I think the way the music kind of sprawls is a neat effect for a track like this.

No More Rain: 9 There’s a lot to appreciate about this song but I’d like to give a shoutout to the tight, clean production. It’s tasteful and subdued, while still managing to create this incredibly sense of expansiveness. This song makes me feel like I’m soaring through space in the universe, it makes me feel cleansed. It’s especially powerful considering Kylie’s battle with breast cancer in the years leading up to the album, supposedly she wrote the lyrics for this song while still in recovery. She whispers out that damn bridge with such awe and confidence, Kylie has so much life inside of her it’s inspiring.

All I See: 9 I really like this song but I’d never seen the music video before and wow it’s bad and doesn’t match the tone of the song. It’s too cheap and sexual for such an elegant track. I’d also like to give a shoutout to [the weird version featuring MIMS.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iv3yl6Kks7M&frags=pl%2Cwn) It makes sense for her to have someone to play off of and MIMS’s voice honestly sounds nice, but then he delivers a really bizarre verse about how he won’t stop cheating on Kylie, but like, tries do redefine what he means by cheating? It’s odd.

Stars: 3 The most obvious filler on the album, I’d rank this as one of Kylie’s worst songs. (Ignoring her first few albums, which were too naive to be truly counted.) It’s not awful, but like, it’s kinda bad. It’s damn near tuneless, the chorus just kind of meanders all over the place and never quite finds its way to anything satisfactory and that droning noise that runs throughout the recording is super annoying and it’s literally the first thing we hear. Also surprisingly generic for the album.

Wow: 11 The single most addictive song that I know. I could listen to this song on repeat over and over again and never get tired of it. The reason that gays have limp wrists is so we’re always prepared to air-piano along with the intro of this song. It’s not the deepest song in the world, in fact all things considered it’s pretty shallow, but god-damn if it isn’t pitch perfect pop perfection. There’s just so may little touches about this song that make it good. That subtle guitar that slowly grows under the verses, the piano refrain that plays before the chorus, that weird synth that fluctuates on the “wow” to give it additional gravity, the way that the song pulls back twice in the bridge, once just for production and again with Kylie on top, that whispered “rush,” it’s all there and it’s all perfect. This is a song that gives and just keeps on giving until it’s over, then you press repeat and get it all back.

Nu-di-ty: 8.5 I really like how… I dunno, robotic this track sounds? There’s something about the autotune and the way that she demands to see nudity it’s almost like she’s an alien or something that genuinely has no clue what nudity looks like and is ready to explore it. But like, in a sexy way, I’m into it.

Cosmic: 10 A beautiful way to end the album, a nice mid tempo ballad that manages to be slower and emotional without feeling out of place with the rest of the solidly dance pop album. I love that weird spoken bridge, her voice is so soothing. I always feel so calm and light when I listen to this, her voice and the message are beautiful. It’s a tender exploration of what it’s like to find love not just in the romantic sense, of finally opening yourself up and being free to express yourself as you’re truly meant to, and in the process finally being able to feel the universe.

The One (Freemasons Mix): 10 I’m not a huge fan of remixes but I absolutely feel that this stands up to and possibly surpasses the original version of this song. I heard this version of the song first and so the original was kind of a letdown, and though I’ve come around on it, I still think this is the #1. It trims away some of the scope of the original, but in doing so streamlines it and makes it a laser beam of energy, a bolt of pure Kylie. I also adore that artsy perfume commercial-esque music video they shot for it, the swirling images of Kylie absolutely capture what the song feels like.

Album: Confessions on a Dance Floor Hm… I said before the rate that I’d listened to and liked all three albums, and I think my brain just kind of censored out half of this album because it kind of bored me when I listened to it again. I had only ever listened to this in like, the background, and listening to it up close I realize that’s definitely what it was made for. I mean, it’s club music, but I guess I’m just not a big fan of that. I get what Madonna was going for, and for what it’s worth she accomplished it, but I think she let the club aspect of this album consume her. It just becomes a soup of throbbing beats and repeated phrases, it’s hard to hear her at times and her lyrics can be very abstract on top of that so it just leaves me feeling confused and detached. It starts off really strong with “Hung Up” but then it just kind muddles about up until “Jump” hits and the album wakes up again. It’s not bad, it’s just kind of unremarkable. My opinion on one of the biggest, most critically acclaimed dance albums of all time is obviously meaningless but like, this did not do it for me.

Hung Up: 10 One of the best tracks in the rate, hands down. I have this weird sort of relationship with Madonna where I really respect her and everything she’s accomplished in her career, and I accept her as one of the undisputed queens of pop music, but I’ve never quite gotten the hype behind her music. She’s had a tremendous impact on the world of music and the drawback to this is that everything she’s created or done I’ve heard someone else do, and I’ve liked them doing it more. That said, this is one of the few Madonna tracks that really sticks out to me. I completely get the hype around this track, it’s absolutely fabulous. This song is so carefully choreographed, every single beat and note is meticulously placed to create this fantastic sense of tight forward motion. The galloping “Gimme Gimme Gimme” sample (which has always felt very cowboy western to me) swirls and propels her forward, but at the peak of the wave she pauses for a second building this wonderful sense of anticipation as the music swells behind her and she crashes into the chorus. A thrilling pop song that absolutely deserves the success it’s found.

Get Together: 6 Love the verses on this song but the chorus is a major letdown. Reminds me of Kylie’s song “Illusion” from *Aphrodite* (the bridge especially) which I kind of prefer.

Sorry: 5 It’s a fun song but like… I get bored of it halfway through. It’s kind of just the same two minutes, twice? It would have made a fierce interlude.

Future Lovers: 5 She says she’s gonna tell me about love but then like… I had to go to both Genius and songmeanings.com to try and figure out what she’s talking about on this track. I think it’s something about spirituality? It’s giving me *Ray of Light* vibes but club music isn’t necessarily the best vehicle for any message with nuance and this is just incomprehensible. It’s kinda pretty I guess, the “in the admittance of its brilliance” is memorable but overall it’s kinda eh.

I Love New York: 6.5 Here’s a fun fact about Madonna, in 1982 she was cast in a Broadway musical called *Rock and Roll! The First 5000 Years.* She dropped out after the first rehearsal, and everyone in the cast thought she was crazy for giving up the opportunity. She went on to become one of history’s biggest pop stars, and the show closed after nine performances. Also people from New York need to calm down about New York, I’m a theatre person so I have to hear it constantly and it’s like… no way the city is that great.

Let It Will Be: 7.5 Not sure what’s happening with the syntax of this song but it’s one of the most fun tracks since the album began.

Forbidden Love: 4 [The eleven o’clock song in the musical *Zombie Prom* is called “Forbidden Love!”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddQa1_XQ9xw&frags=pl%2Cwn) I love that show. Don’t like this song though.

Jump: 8.5 Eight tracks into the album and Madonna finally serves another bop! Queen of keeping us in anticipation.

How High: 7 [Am I the only one who can only think of this?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmRmK3ncsv0&frags=pl%2Cwn)

Isaac: 9 This is the shot of energy I needed in the album, this song is great. The beat is fantastic and the sample of her friend singing makes this track very distinctive on an album where the songs really blend together. Madonna finally places herself front and center in the mix and she actually starts making sense for once, reminding you that this is her album, not just a tapestry of club sounds.

Push: 8.5 Nice, the production on this track really feels alive but Madonna manages not to get lost in the mix. The album really started picking up on the back half, didn’t it?

Like It or Not: 7.5 It’s a decent closer for the album but on the whole I would have liked something more.

BONUS TRACKS

When U Gon Pull It: 3.5 I was listening to K-pop the entire weekend I was finishing this rate and it took me like a good thirty seconds to realize I wasn’t still listening to it when I heard this track. Is it just me or can anyone else not understand what she’s saying here? This is just a demo, right? Her vocals sound especially childish here and it’s kind of weird. I don’t hate the song though, it’s certainly got a good beat, but I dunno. It kinda feels like it’s going for that sort of playground chant type thing that Gwen Stefani did on “Hollaback Girl” or Christina would later do on “Bobblehead” but it just never quite goes all the way there.

Dramatic: 8 Unironically I kind of love this? The sort of delicate, spidery vibe of it really does it for me, she sounds like an evil queen or something taunting the hero. Reminds me of [Janet’s “Son of a Gun.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA5nMf5Pngw&frags=pl%2Cwn) The Disney-esque instrumental breakdown has potential but the actual orchestrations are kind of tinny. I wish they’d just gone full drama with this because it doesn’t go *quite* far enough to pull off what it’s going for but it’s still a really neat idea. The part where Britney goes down to the literal lowest note possible for her is a bit rough but I appreciate the intention.

What You Sippin On: 8 Why was this unreleased? This is one of the smoothest tracks Britney has in the rate. The lyrics are a little weird but I really love the ‘90s hip-hop/r&b vibes, Britney pulls them off surprisingly well. The version without the rap verse is kinda better though.

Everybody: 4 I’m of the opinion that you shouldn’t use a sample if you’re going to get overwhelmed by the sample. Madonna used a sample of “Gimme Gimme Gimme” on “Hung Up” to great effect because the sample meant something there and the resulting song was at least as good as the source material. Here the “Sweet Dreams” sample feels misplaced because that’s just unquestionably a better song on every level. Vocally, musically, thematically, it’s just stronger all around, so when Britney chops off a little piece of it for her own usage on a fairly generic club track here you start to wonder why you aren’t just listening to the original.

Get Back: 1 Britney is just kind of writing checks she can’t cash here. She’s trying to posit herself as the fierce goddess of the club but this is maybe the most checked out I’ve heard her in any track in the rate. The track is also kind of all over the place, it really feels like they had a scrap of a song there (the unimpressive to annoying chorus) and tried to stretch it out over three and a half minutes by screwing around with GarageBand effects but it just doesn’t work. The song literally breaks down towards the end, which was maybe a stylistic choice, but one that came across poorly.

Outta This World: 7.5 This feels… fresh? It could easily have been released by any of the modern indie-isa pop/r&b girls that people fawn over these days. I actually like a lot of the unreleased *Blackout* tracks more than some of the ones that made the final version. They had this very sleek, theatrical feeling to them that maybe wouldn’t have fit the finished album very well but still made them good songs.

Cherry Bomb: 4.5 I’ve listened to this tracks a few times before and I’ve never quite made up my mind on it. I don’t like the way that she splits up the syllables of “cherry bomb” (deh-lish-us cheh-ree-bomb), it puts me in mind of how Katy splits up “teenage dream” except it doesn’t work here. Other than that this track just kind of doesn’t go anywhere, the meandering club production feels kind of sterile and the melody isn’t anything to write home about. Kylie gives a great performance but it’s wasted on a song that’s too long. I think this would have worked a lot better as a track of Britney.

King or Queen: 8 Oh I like this, this track is a lot of fun. Usually bonus tracks or Japanese exclusives can feel a bit like throwaways, but this feels like a fully formed track that would easily have been a hit on the album proper. There’s a nice sense of energy and forward motion to it, I like the way that the chorus just kind of explodes out of the verses. Also, bisexual anthem?

Magnetic Electric: 2 This feels unfinished. There’s no real bridge or anything, there’s just electric noise and then they repeat the chorus and then it just ends? Not a good showing Kylie.

Rippin Up the Disco: 3.5 background music

Carried Away: 6 Wow so I find the verses of this cluttered and annoying (that dubstep instrumental is very annoying) but that chorus is amazing! The bridge is also quite good so it leads me to give a decent score, but wow those verses are bad.

Lose Control: 2 Is this a joke? I thought we left edgy Kylie in the ‘90s.

Hung Up (Alesso Remix): 6.5 It’s certainly different, but I don’t know if I like it. The original was already pretty perfect, and adding effects and pauses and breakdowns and things doesn’t really do anything for me.

Triggering Your Senses: 6 Mm, I see why this wasn’t on the real album. It’s fine but it’s kind of, like, almost paint by the numbers? It feels like a really lazy attempt for Madonna to expound upon the themes of the album (she’s literally just listing things) and I’m glad she realized it.

Fighting Spirit: 4 It’s certainly a song, I guess? She could have left this off the bonus version too there’s nothing about it. It’s just kinda there.

Super Pop: 5 All I’m gonna say is that the shitpost for this song better be “Bop to the Top.” Although “If I were a man I’d be president” is a baller of a line.

Keep the Trance: 4 Madonna sounds… different? here. Not sure what it is, maybe it’s just because this isn’t an official release so it’s unpolished but she sounds weird here.

History (Land of the Free): 5 You know what? Props to Madonna for writing a solid piece of political pop with a very clear message to the music. However I have zero clue what context this is meant to be played in, I can’t think of a single situation where this song would be played. Maybe like, it segues into the ending credits of a documentary about America or something?

END