Beard Wizard Anon

>Your name is Anonymous, you’ve been living in Equestria for a little over a year now.
>So far as you know you are the only human to have ever lived here, but the ponies have been welcoming nonetheless.
>They’d even grown to like you, considering all you’ve done for them since your arrival.
>Since you were taken in by the ponies, you decided to repay their hospitality to the fullest extent you could with the use of your powers.
>For you are not some ordinary human. No.
>You are a Beard Wizard.
>Your beard possesses powers the likes of which no being could comprehend. It confounded even Princess Celestia’s vast intellect.
>As you stroll through Ponyville’s market returning the friendly waves of ponies, you bump into a good friend of yours, Spike.
“Morning Spike, how are you this fine day?”
>He looks at you glumly.
>”Rarity just turned me down again. No matter what I do it’s always the same.”
>You stroke your beard thoughtfully as you ponder Spike’s problem.
>Aha! Spike’s problem is that he doesn’t possess any facial hair! He’d never get a girl with a baby face like that!
>After a moment of concentration your beard begins to write, the power contained within it activating at your thoughts.
>A small part of your considerable beard breaks away and drifts through the air over to spike, taking root around his mouth.
>When the process is finished Spike is left standing with the suavest goatee ever to be sported by any male through history.
>Spike gasps and holds up a small diamond he’d been carrying, admiring his reflection in its facets.
>”Anon! This is like the coolest beard I’ve ever seen! Well, besides yours I mean. This is so great, thanks!” he says, practically hopping on the spot.

“Well why don’t you go give Rarity another shot now?” you suggest. “Take that bad boy on a test drive?”
>His eyes grow wide. “Oh man, there’s no way she’ll say no now!”
>You give him a thumb up.
“Go get ‘er, tiger.”
>Spike whirls around and begins sprinting down the street back to Carousel Boutique.
“Hey Spike!” you holler, just before he’s out of earshot.
>Spike stops and turns around, curious.
“Remember, with great beard comes great responsibility. Use your beard wisely.”
>”I promise I’ll only use it for good, Anon!” he yells back.
>You nod approvingly at him and he sets back off on his quest.
>Spike’s a great kid, he’ll do well with that beard.
>The sound of frantic flapping catches your attention.
>You turn around to see Rainbow Dash speed up to you
>”Anon, we need your help! There’s a colossal storm front coming out of the Everfree and we don’t have enough pegasi to contain it!”
“We don’t have any time to waste then! Show me the way!”
>”It’s this way, follow me!” she says, darting off.
>Your beard takes on the form of a helicopter and you follow after.

>You arrive at the wild storm front with Rainbow Dash relatively quickly.
>You show up to a scene of total chaos where the weather team fight a losing battle against the storm.
>”Is there anything you can do, Anon? If we don’t stop this thing soon it’ll hit Ponyville and who knows what kind of damage it could do!”
>You stare grimly at the scene before you, taking in the scene and trying to formulate a plan.
>You have a sudden flash of inspiration and realize what you have to do.
“Rainbow Dash, get your pegasi out of there. I’m going to try something.”
>Rainbow Dash wastes no time signaling all her pegasi to back off.
>”Anything else?”
“Yes, I need to ride on your back for this. I’m going to need my entire beard for this one so I can’t fly while I do it.”
>”Not a problem, hop on!”
>You nod your thanks and your beard returns to its normal shape while you hop on the pegasus’ back.
“Alright, hold on! This is gonna get bumpy!”
>Rainbow nods and braces herself.
>You concentrate and once more your beard begins to shape itself. It takes the form of a giant propeller facing the cloud.
>The beard blades begin to spin, cutting through the air and casting a great gust of wind at the incoming storm.
>When the propeller reaches a sufficient speed, your beard emits a high powered magical turbolaser that utterly obliterates the storm, effectively saving the day.
>The ponies cheer and Pinkie throws a party for your victory.
>Just another day.
>”Um, Anon? Are bearded mares your fetish?”
“No, Fluttershy, that is not my fetish.”