Jonathan's Very Stinky Egg Pie

Here's a pie that's delicious, bad for your arteries, and will make the women in your life wonder if coronavirus isn't worth escaping the stink it will make.

You'll need
*5 eggs
*2 strips bacon
*1 small white, yellow, or spanish onion
*1 lb frozen cauliflower florets (salt and olive oil too)
*pepper
*a medium saucepan, not teflon, that you can stick in the oven

Take the frozen cauliflower and thaw naturally. Coat with olive oil and a generous pinch salt and let roast in the oven on a tray for about 25 minutes at 425. Check often for color.

In a pan on the stovetop, put three minced bacon pieces -- larger chunks! -- and cook on medium heat until the fat begins to render. Dice -- large chunks! -- a small onion and add, cooking until translucent and fragrant.

Remove cauliflower and place in a metal medium saucepan, then mash with a potato masher to produce smallish chunks. Add bacon and onions from pan (include a little bacon fat!) and spread around evenly in the pan -- this will help keep the egg from sticking.

Beat five eggs together and pour into the pan, being sure to undam any dams that may form, but DO NOT TOSS the chunks in the egg.

Cook for 15 minutes at 375 in the oven, then begin checking for doneness. Season with pepper (probably won't need salt due to the bacon) and slide out of the pan in quarters, like a big-ass pie.

Apologize to your partner for the stink and dig in.