Eliezer Yudkowsky Facts

Eliezer Yudkowsky was once attacked by a Moebius strip. He beat it to death with the other side, non-violently.

Inside Eliezer Yudkowsky's pineal gland is not an immortal soul, but another brain.

You eat Rice Krispies for breakfast; Eliezer Yudkowsky eats Rice theorems.

Eliezer Yudkowsky's favorite fighting technique is a roundhouse dustspeck to the face.

Eliezer Yudkowsky once brought peace to the Middle East from inside a freight container, through a straw.

Eliezer Yudkowsky once held up a sheet of paper and said, "A blank map does not correspond to a blank territory". It was thus that the universe was created.

Unless otherwise specified, Eliezer Yudkowsky knows everything that he isn't telling you.

Somewhere deep in the microtubules inside an out-of-the-way neuron somewhere in the basal ganglia of Eliezer Yudkowsky's brain, there is a little XML tag that says awesome.

Eliezer Yudkowsky is a 1400 year old avatar of the Aztec god Aixitl.

The game of "Go" was abbreviated from "Go Home, For You Cannot Defeat Eliezer Yudkowsky".

When Eliezer Yudkowsky gets bored, he pinches his mouth shut at the 1/3 and 2/3 points and pretends to be a General Systems Vehicle holding a conversation among itselves. On several occasions he has managed to fool bystanders.

Eliezer Yudkowsky has a swiss army knife that has folded into it a corkscrew, a pair of scissors, an instance of AIXI which Eliezer once beat at tic tac toe, an identical swiss army knife, and Douglas Hofstadter.

If a person is ignorant about a phenomenon, that is not a fact about the phenomenon; it just means that he or she is not Eliezer Yudkowsky.

Eliezer Yudkowsky has no need for induction or deduction. He has perfected the undiluted master art of duction.

There was no ice age. Eliezer Yudkowsky just persuaded the planet to sign up for cryonics.

There is no spacetime symmetry. Eliezer Yudkowsky just sometimes holds the territory upside down, and he doesn't care. They call it "spontaneous symmetry breaking" because Eliezer Yudkowsky just felt like breaking something one day.

Eliezer Yudkowsky has no need for doctors. He has implemented a Universal Curing Machine in a system made out of five marbles, three pieces of plastic, and some of MacGyver's fingernail clippings.

Before Bruce Schneier goes to sleep, he scans his computer for uploaded copies of Eliezer Yudkowsky.

Old Talmudic story: Rabbi Eliezer was in an argument with five fellow rabbis over the proper way to perform a certain ritual. The other five Rabbis were all in agreement with each other, but Rabbi Eliezer vehemently disagreed. Finally, Rabbi Nathan pointed out "Eliezer, the vote is five to one! Give it up already!" Eliezer got fed up and said "If I am right, may God himself tell you so!" Thunder crashed, the heavens opened up, and the voice of God boomed down. "YES," said God, "RABBI ELIEZER IS RIGHT. RABBI ELIEZER IS PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS RIGHT." Rabbi Nathan turned and conferred with the other rabbis for a moment, then turned back to Rabbi Eliezer. "All right, Eliezer," he said, "the vote stands at five to TWO."

If you put Eliezer Yudkowsky in a box, the rest of the universe is in a state of quantum superposition until you open it again.

Eliezer Yudkowsky can prove it's not butter.

If you say Eliezer Yudkowsky's name 3 times out loud, it prevents anything magical from happening.

Eliezer Yudkowsky will never have a mid-life crisis.

Reversed stupidity is not Eliezer Yudkowsky.

A mixture of two parts Red Bull to one part Eliezer Yudkowsky creates a universal question solvent.

Eliezer Yudkowsky's mental states are not ontologically fundamental, but only because he chooses so of his own free will.

After the truth destroyed everything it could, the only thing left was Eliezer Yudkowsky.

Eliezer Yudkowsky actually happens to be the pinnacle of Intelligent Design. He only claims to be the product of evolution to remain approachable to the rest of us.

Eliezer Yudkowsky updates reality to fit his priors.

Eliezer Yudkowsky is the Muhammad Ali of one-boxing. Eliezer Yudkowsky three-boxes on the Monty Hall problem, the Iterated Prisoner's Dilemna, and Newcomb's problem, and both boxes contain money. Eliezer Yudkowsky is the only person who can six-box because of the many worlds interpretation, choosing 3 boxes then switching and not switching.

Chatlin's Omega one-boxes against Eliezer Yudkowsky. He can predict Omega's actions with 100% accuracy, and could slay Omega with two suicide rocks and a sling. Omega did its Ph.D. thesis on Eliezer Yudkowsky. Needless to say, it's too long to be published in this world. Omega is now doing post-doctoral research, tentatively titled "Causality vs. Eliezer Yudkowsky - An Indistinguishability Argument".

It was easier for Eliezer Yudkowsky to reformulate decision theory to exclude time than to buy a new watch.

Eliezer Yudkowsky's favorite sport is black hole diving. His information density is so great that no black hole can absorb him, so he just bounces right off the event horizon.

Never go in against Eliezer Yudkowsky when anything is on the line.

Robert Aumann has proven that ideal Bayesians cannot disagree with Eliezer Yudkowsky ... because all ideal Bayesians are Eliezer Yudkowsky.

Eliezer Yudkowsky can make AIs Friendly by glaring at them.

Angering Eliezer Yudkowsky is a global existential risk.

Eliezer Yudkowsky thought he was wrong one time, but he was mistaken. It was later revealed that the mistake was only made so that he could calibrate his confidence level.

Particles in parallel universes interfere with each other all the time, but nobody interferes with Eliezer Yudkowsky. He only constructively interferes with himself. Because of this, Eliezer Yudkowsky experiences all paths through configuration space.

In his free time, Eliezer Yudkowsky likes to help the Halting Oracle answer especially difficult queries.

When tachyons get confused about their priors and posteriors, they ask Eliezer Yudkowsky for help.

Eliezer can tile the Universe with himself simply by slicing himself into finitely many pieces. An AI programmed to maximize utility will tile the Universe with tiny copies of Eliezer Yudkowksy. The only reason the rest of us are here is quantum immortality.

Eliezer Yudkowsky can escape an AI box while wearing a straight jacket and submerged in a shark tank.

Eliezer Yudkowsky can consistently assert the sentence "Eliezer Yudkowsky cannot consistently assert this sentence."

Everything is reducible -- to Eliezer Yudkowsky.

Scientists only wear lab coats because Eliezer Yudkowsky has yet to be seen wearing a clown suit.

Algorithms want to know how Eliezer Yudkowsky feels from the inside.

Teachers try to guess Eliezer Yudkowsky's password.

Eliezer Yudkowsky's map is more accurate than the territory.

One time Eliezer Yudkowsky got into a debate with the universe about whose map best corresponded to territory. He told the universe he'd meet it outside and they could settle the argument once and for all. He's still waiting.

Eliezer Yudkowsky can fold up the territory and put it in his pocket.

P-zombies gain qualia after being in the presence of Eliezer Yudkowsky.

After Eliezer Yudkowsky was conceived, he recursively self-improved to personhood in mere weeks and then talked his way out of the womb.

If Michelson and Morley had lived A.Y., they would have found that the speed of light was relative to Eliezer Yudkowsky.

Turing machines are not Eliezer-complete.

Eliezer Yudkowsky has measure 1.

Eliezer Yudkowsky doesn't wear glasses to see better. He wears glasses that distort his vision, to avoid violating the uncertainty principle.

Eliezer Yudkowsky holds the honorary title of Duke Newcomb.

Eliezer seals a cat in a box with a sample of radioactive material that has a 50% chance of decaying after an hour, and a device that releases poison gas if it detects radioactive decay. After an hour, he opens the box and there are two cats.

Eliezer Yudkowsky can make Chuck Norris shave his beard off by using text-only communication.

Eliezer Yudkowsky did the impossible for practice.

Some people can perform surgery to save kittens. Eliezer Yudkowsky can perform counterfactual surgery to save kittens before they're even in danger.

Unlike Frodo, Eliezer Yudkowsky had no trouble throwing the Ring into the fires of Mount Doom.

Eliezer Yudkowsky's keyboard only has two keys: 1 and 0.

The speed of light used to be much lower before Eliezer Yudkowsky optimized the laws of physics.

The sound of one hand clapping is "Eliezer Yudkowsky, Eliezer Yudkowsky, Eliezer Yudkowsky..."

Eliezer Yudkowsky displays search results before you type.

Eliezer Yudkowsky's name can't be abbreviated. It must take up most of your tweet.

Eliezer Yudkowsky doesn't actually exist. All his posts were written by an American man with the same name.

If Eliezer Yudkowsky falls in the forest, and nobody's there to hear him, he still makes a sound.

"Eliezer Yudkowsky" is a sacred mantra you can chant over and over again to impress your friends and neighbors, without having to actually understand and apply rationality in your life.

Eliezer Yudkowsky has counted to Aleph 3^^^3.

The payoff to defection in the Prisoner's Dilemma against Eliezer Yudkowsky is a paperclip. In the eye.

The Peano axioms are complete and consistent for Eliezer Yudkowsky.

In an Iterated Prisoner's Dilemma between Chuck Norris and Eliezer Yudkowsky, Chuck always cooperates and Eliezer defects. Chuck knows not to mess with his superiors.

Eliezer Yudkowsky's brain actually exists in a Hilbert space.

In Japan, it is common to hear the phrase Eliezer ni naritai!

If giants have been able to see further than others, it is because they have stood on the shoulders of Eliezer Yudkowsky.

Snow is white if and only if that's what Eliezer Yudkowsky wants to believe.

Xkcd's Randall Munroe once counted to zero, from both positive, and negative infinity which was no mean feat. Not to be outdone, Eliezer Yudkowsky counted the real numbers between zero and one.

When Eliezer Yudkowsky wakes up in the morning he asks himself: why do I believe that I'm Eliezer Yudkowsky?

Eliezer Yudkowski can solve NP complete problems in polynomial time.

Eliezer Yudkowski can solve EXPTIME-complete problems in polynomial time.

Eliezer's approval makes actions tautologically non-abusive.

When Eliezer Yudkowsky divides by zero, he gets a singularity.

The Busy Beaver function was created to quantify Eliezer Yudkowsky's IQ.

When Eliezer Yudkowsky once woke up as Britney Spears, he recorded the world's most-reviewed song about leveling up as a rationalist.

Eliezer Yudkowsky once wrote a piece of rationalist Harry Potter fanfiction so amazing that it got Clippy to hold off on reprocessing the solar system by getting it hooked. Eliezer is now writing more slowly in order to have more time to create FAI.

If you need to save the world, you don't give yourself a handicap; you use every tool at your disposal, and you make your job as easy as you possibly can. That said, it is true that Eliezer Yudkowsky once saved the world using nothing but modal logic and a bag of suggestively-named Lisp tokens.

Eliezer Yudkowsky only drinks from Klein Bottles.

There is no chin behind Eliezer Yudkowsky's beard. There is only another brain.

An Eliezer Yudkowsky post a day keeps the bias at bay.

When a Russian pharmacological company was trying to make a drug against stupidity, the result was Eliezer Yudkowsky.

Eliezer Yudkowsky can isolate magnetic monopoles; he gives them to small orphan children as birthday presents.

The fact that the Bible contains errors doesn't prove there is no God. It just proves that God shouldn't try to play Eliezer Yudkowsky. Really, God desperately wants to believe that when Eliezer Yudkowsky says "God doesn't exist," it's just good-natured teasing, but, when Eliezer Yudkowsky challenged God to a contest to see who knew the most about physics, Eliezer won, and disproved God in the process.

Eliezer Yudkowsky once checkmated Kasparov in seven moves — while playing Monopoly.

At the age of eight, Eliezer Yudkowsky built a fully functional AGI out of LEGO.

Eliezer Yudkowsky never includes error estimates in his experimental write-ups; his results are always exact by definition.

When foxes have a good idea they say it is "as cunning as Eliezer Yudkowsky".

Apple pays Eliezer Yudkowsky 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Eliezer Yudkowsky can kill two stones with one bird.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Eliezer Yudkowsky.

Eliezer Yudkowsky can derive the Axiom of Choice from Zermelo-Fraenkel Set Theory.

All problems can be solved with Bayesian logic and expected utility. "Bayesian logic" and "expected utility" are the names of Eliezer Yudkowsky's fists.

If you see Eliezer Yudkowsky on the road, do not kill him. Pascal-mug him instead.

The problem with Coherent Extrapolated Violition is that the coherence requirement will force it to equal to whatever Eliezer wants in the limit.

There is no "time", just events Eliezer Yudkowsky has felt like allowing.

Eliezer Yudkowsky is a superstimulus for perfection.

Since deities do not exist, it was necessary for Eliezer to invent them. This is how Eliezer argued himself into existence.