I used to be a consolefag
With shitty framerates, tons of lag
I was content with only 30FPS
I had to pay a subscription
I had to play without any form of modding

Sitting here playing with some random guys
I get my mic to strategize
And soon my ears are atomized and then I switch it off again

If you need me
I'll be playing
With no voice chat
You can talk, but I probably won't hear you
Because it's loud with the voice chat on
(For heaven's sake, it's really loud with the voice chat on)
You'll be okay
If you're fine with
All the squeakers
Strategize and I probably won't hear you
Because it's loud with the voice chat on

And soon I started feeling bored
I got some hardware from the store
I built a box that runs a hundred-twenty frames
You've got your very own server
I've got some mods from the workshop on the steam page

Maybe if I can buy some extra keys
I'll do a giveaway on /v/
And chat with gamers just like me
Oh fuck my ears have been destroyed

If you need me
I'll be playing
With no voice chat
You can talk, but I probably won't hear you
Because it's loud with the voice chat on
(For heaven's sake, it's really loud with the voice chat on)
You'll be okay
If you're fine with
All the screamers
Strategize and I probably won't hear you
Because it's loud with the voice chat on

I like the PC port that's better than the other one
Cause the console one's not as good
They really need to put a mod there
Cause it isn't hard
Because this game is not hard

And when it's time to close the game
There's no escaping from my shame
I look around and I recall my life is shit
("And today, Gabe Newell came up with an idea for getting money from the Dota audience. The game has been named Artifact. "It might seem shitty," says...")
I guess I'm getting a job soon
I'm guessing I won't have any time for vidya
("An unidentified man went berserk last night, unleashing a can of mace into a crowded game store...")

Then I go back to /v/ to clear my head
I find a comfy waifu thread
But suddenly the thread is dead
They argued whether traps are gay

If you need me
I'll be posting
In a new thread
Call my Skype, but I'll probably ignore you
Because it's loud with the voice chat on
(For heaven's sake, it's really loud with the voice chat on)
You'll be okay
If you're fine with
All the shitposts
Start a game and I probably won't join you
Because it's loud with the voice chat on.