The Good African American

“With all due respect Mr Graves that’s a god damned lie!” Jamal Washington said standing up from his desk and pointing to his new 10th grade history teacher. Jamal displayed the typical irrational fury expected of a Black teenager from the Afro-centric Socialist hellhole of Detroit Michigan. He was angered by his  teacher and superior, Cecil Graves bold politically incorrect but truthful statement that Sub-Saharan Africans had no civilization before the arrival of European powers. Mr Graves let out a good hearted chuckle “It looks like Jamal has spent too much time watching that Black Panther film and not enough time studying his textbook, please tell me Mr Washington name one impressive feat of civilization that Sub-Saharan Africans accomplished without the aid of White Europeans.” With a arrogant  look on his face comparable to that uppity hip hop star Kanye West Jamal blurted out “well the richest man in world history was King Mansa Musa of Mali, West Africa before the French started taking over”   Mr Graves thought for a moment and said “Ah not so fast my little Hotep-Detroit Red friend, Mansa Musa was form an Islamic civilization  that means influence from educated Caucasian Arabs got him where he was, try again” Jamal said “Aight Mr Graves what about the ancient Kingdom of  Zimbabwe, that’s pretty deep in and they were able to come up with pretty impressive metalworking techniques without much outside help at all” With the mention of that dreaded word, that horrid Negro phrase of anti white genocide, that name that even priests to Satan should fear to utter, Zimbabwe, Mr Graves began to see his life flash before his eyes.

Cecil Graves spent his early childhood in the proud and prosperous nation of Rhodesia son of Horatio Arthur Graves a hero of the Bush War who put his life on the line for the freedom of the Rhodesian people from creeping Black racist Communism every day. Cecil treated his father as a hero and sought to follow in his footsteps some day, unfortunately the dream of a free and white Rhodesia for Cecil to thrive in was crushed when the Barbaric “Zimbabwean” Forces where victorious. When that anti western tinpot dictator, Canaan Banana, took over and asked Horatio to release the underage Ndebele girls he kept for their sexual services (both in terms of helping Cecil become a man and for his own stress relief) The Graves family began to prepare to live in exile in the United States. This tyranny was too much and the Graves family was so impressed Ian Smith continued living in occupied Rhodesia not only under Banana but also under the even worse dictator Robert Mugabe, it was further proof Cecil supposed that Ian Smith was the greatest human being to ever live. The Graves initially moved to Ishpeming Michigan in 1980, but since it took these poor African refugee immigrants so long to adjust to American culture by the time they were able to truly start advancing Robert Mugabe had already taken power and they were able to convince Americans of a more extreme backstory of having their small family farm seized by the ZANU-PF.

Cecil ceased his vision and snapped back to the present. “How dare you mention that hate word to me you little monkey!” Cecil growled at Jamal stepped back and said “Hey hey who the fuck are you calling a monkey and what fucking “hate" word do you even mean?” Cecil said “I mean Zimbabwe you ignorant little ape! You American Blacks just love to play African like being African is so glamorous, you should be so lucky you had the opportunity to be born in a first world nation like America instead! Especially you who can claim the surname of its founding father!” Jamal howled  “What the fuck do you even have against Africa! What did Africa ever do to you!” Cecil began to fume at the tip “Because...unlike you ingrate brats...I AM AFRICAN I was BORN AND RAISED in that dreaded Heart of Darkness. There was one of few beacons of light and civilization down there and I was form one of them grand Rhodesia but all that was taken away from be when the Black Nazis the Zimbabweans took over the government and started their hateful pogroms against the educated white African community. These are the types of murderers you American gangster blacks glorify in your rap music and to be around that everyday is like asking a Jewish man to teach a congregation of Hitler Youth! No In fact I’d say it’s worse! Go report to principal Johnson’s office right now young man!” This wasn’t that hooligan’s first time in the principal’s office so he walked by with a degenerate and lazy energy typical of the unrepentant black criminal.

Despite the fact Principal Louis Johnson was himself of a Sub-Saharan complexion Cecil Graves was confident that he would see due justice done to that ruffian. Louis Johnson was as far as Cecil could tell a black man who knew his place, a conservative Republican who values discipline and pulling One up by their own bootstraps like Candice Owens or Ben Carson. If Rhodesia’s blacks  where more like that perhaps the nation could’ve survived giving them the vote. That was the philosophy Cecil had gone into teaching social studies in the Detroit inner city with, if he can teach the black youth to know their place he can perhaps save his new home America from the fate his old home Rhodesia had faced.

The school day came to an end and Cecil was giddy to see what punishment that uppity boy Jamal had received for his insolence he knocked on Principal Johnson’s door and the old Detroit educator responded with “come in”. Cecil walked in the door and before he can say anything Principal Johnson beseeched him to have a seat. Cecil complied, as humiliating as it was to respond to a black man in this way and sat down. “So Principal Johnson?,” he asked “What punishment did you give Jamal for his outburst today?” Louis sighed and said “I did give Jamal a detention as per school policy but he explained everything to me and, well I think you and I have something to talk about...” Cecil’s face became concerned “what’s the matter?” He asked feigning ignorance of what was to come. Principal Johnson said “Not only is what you told our students  inexcusably racist and offensive but you said you were born in Michigan in your resume to the school so I did some digging. Word of advice next time you want to fake your record come up with an alias first.” Cecil became horrified, his secret past was discovered.

Cecil began to grow silent and reminisce again, this time the year was 2008 and America’s own Robert Mugabe was coming disturbingly close to taking power, that anti-white racist Communist Muslim, Barack Hussein Obama. Cecil used the training his father gave him and purchased a long range Hunting rifle and when the Kenyan terrorist  came to Michigan to campaign he stood perched from a nearby building and said a small prayer to Ian Smith. Unfortunately he missed the shoot and was quickly apprehended by two boorish  black police officers and was arrested for his attempt on the candidate’s life. Luckily for Graves a team of lawyers assembled by John McCain Anthony Scalia and,to Graves’ surprise, those socialist Clintons were able to get his sentence shortened and he was out of jail by 2014. Cecil figured the day he was discovered would come soon but was not yet prepared for it to be today.

“So you know this means I have to inform the school board you hid a significantly dangerous criminal record we will have to inform the school board, and that would be considered in itself a serious crime” Cecil nodded his head and said “I understand sir” and went to his office to pack his things and await his fate. While he was packing his stuff in the classroom he realized, America had already been taken over we were already in a post Obama Zimbabwe and there was no hope left. But Cecil couldn’t think for the life of hime what Anglo Saxon nation was still free from hordes of dark skin savages. Cecil knew when he was defeated, Rhodesians never die he chuckled, that turned out to be a lie. He took out a box cutter form inside his desk and put it right on his Snow White African neck and said “I will join you father, I will join you Ian, I’m sorry I failed you both” before the lights went out on America’s truest African hero.