Ain't life Beautiful - 4

>Day any other
>You are Anon
>The first, last, and greatest human in Equestria
>And you are working out
>Without the distractions of video games, the internet, or the endless stores of pornography within physical activities have become your entertainment
>You were never a neckbeard before, but you weren't exactly fit either
>Now?
>You are an Adonis
>Exercising just to get out of the house, since there isn't much for you there anyway
>Especially since the most you could do is read a ponified version of a book
>Of Mice and Mares was alright, though
>But now you are running in the Whitetail Woods
>Much better than the Everfree
>Mostly because the animals know through Fluttershy to leave you alone
>Then again, it could be that you hunted them for the first couple of weeks here before you found out that they were intelligent
>Meh
>You would think that Fluttershy would kill you or herself when she found out
>But she was really understanding
>She knew that carnivorous and omnivorous creatures needed to kill in order to survive
>Circle of life and all that
>She made a deal with you though, every week she would provide you fish and in exchange you would not hunt her animal friends
>That is why you are heading to her place right now
>Your brisk pace gets you there in minutes, not that you were far away anyway
>You knock on the door, and Angel answers
Hey little dude, I'm here for my fish
>He immediately opens the door and leads you inside
>According to everyone else Angel is a real bastard, but you haven't seen it
>In fact Fluttershy has noticed a real improvement in his behavior, he eats whatever she gives him without complaint
>Then again it could be that he knows that she is the only reason you haven't gutted and eaten him as nature intended
>He leads you to the kitchen and pulls a cooler out of the refrigerator containing three decent sized fish.
>Taking it you head out the door giving Angel a wave
See you next week little dude
>He closes the door behind you gently
>With no business left you decide to run home
>Might head out again later, maybe try to engage the townsfolk
>Too many of them are still scared of you, and after being here over a year it is getting old
>Especially now that there is a break between cider and apple buck season, so you can't work with AJ and Mac
>Can't talk to critters so you can't really help Fluttershy
>You're just terrifying enough to scare away customers if you're seen baking food that children may eat
>Twilight is more or less done interviewing you, and Spike has any jobs she may have locked down
>Can't beat free labor
>Maybe you could help out Rarity digging for gems, and guarding her from those dumbshit dogs
>Plus you need to put some time in with Rarity, she has a nice soft ass
>And you finally arrive home, ready to clean up and relax
>As soon as you enter you put the cooler on the table and your clothes in the laundry bin
>Hopping in the shower you wash your stink off and reflect on how awesome your life is, considering the fact you'll never have sex with a woman again
>Admittedly your performance at Pinkie's bash at AJ's wasn't your best, but when 25 seconds is considered decent sex even a virgin can make stallions weep with envy
>Had to get a bit drunk though, give that last push from cute talking animals, to cute hoofed girls
>Just the right amount of drunk
>Drunk enough to use your tongue on a pony, but not so drunk you couldn't use your dick
>That is how you found out that you may as well be a fertility god here
>Well without the fertility part
>Your line dies in Equestria
>You will never teach your son to play any sports, or find peace in fishing
>You will never threaten the life of some poor bastard that has the hots for your daughter

>And you are so happy for that
>Who has time for that shit
>Fuck kids
>Little fuckers take the joy out of good sex
>No need to worry about that here though
>Even in a magical world where hybrids exist you don't qualify
>Plus there is like a four to one ratio in favor of mares here
>Though a scant few can even look at you without cowering
>You could be up to your ears in mares if you let slip AJ's and Dash's bisexual adventure though
>But you're not a dick
>It is one of your failings
>Getting out of the shower you head downstairs toweling off fuck clothes nobody here but you
>You then turn on the one thing that made the trip to Equestria and survived the two weeks in the Everfree
>Your shit iPod
>Set it Guile's theme and hit repeat
>Takes you back to beating your brother in Street Fighter 2 back in the 90's
>He would always pick Chun, he would always spam kicks, and he would always lose
>You kinda miss telling him to go home and be a family man and hear that lovely hate filled groan birthed from years of well placed Sonic Booms and Flash Kicks
>Him not being here is the one thing keeping Equestria from being perfect
>Tell anyone else that and they either thank you or ask what a man is
>Fuck
>You'll never see him again
>And just in time to keep you from falling into the trap of being a morose motherfucker you hear a few knocks at the door
>Wrapping your towel around yourself and cutting off your iPod you open the door a crack to see all six girls and are so glad you didn't masturbate
>Then you see a pretty dour looking Big Mac and wish you masturbated when you had the chance
Um, give me a second girls I'm a little indecent
>"Nonny we have super important news, more important than frosting on a cake, than on a cupcake, than on an eclair, THAN ON A SPOON NONNY! MORE IMPORTANT THAN SPOONLICKING, ANON"
>Pinkie, of course, burst through the door and into your face to relay this message.
>Clamping onto your chest like an adorable cotton candy scented facehugger
>This had the unwanted side effect of nearly exposing your barely concealed erection which is about eye level to all the girls
>And Pinkie oblivious to what she is inches above, or very aware and milking your embarrassment to feed her otherworldly powers, is swishing her tail back and forth across the relatively thin terrycloth above it
>Making sure you stay firm despite your humiliation
Erm Pinks, still kind of indecent here.  Mind of I go change and cover my shame?
>"Okie dokie lokie Nonny," she says sliding down off of you like a fireman
>Down your fireman
>Before things could somehow get anymore awkward you run upstairs to put on some clothes
>"Wowie! If that is Nonny's shame I can't wait to see his pride," Pinkie says before cackling like a madmare
>Even in your bedroom you can hear the girls' laughter
>Quickly tossing on one of the more casual outfits Rarity made for you, you head back downstairs to see that they all made themselves at home before falling somewhat silent as you descend
>Oddly enough it is Fluttershy that breaks the awkward silence
>"Anon, I see you got your fish today.  Did Angel Bunny give you any trouble?"
None at all Fluttershy, little dude has yet to even look at me the wrong way.
>"Good, I'm glad he is still being well behaved.  I put it in your fridge, and switched it for the empty one."
>"Now Fluttershy, we didn't come here to Anonymous's home to discuss fish, bunnies, or catch him in a compromising, yet enticing, position," Rarity says adding a touch of seductive silk to her voice at the end.
>"That's right Anon, girls I believe you have something rather important to say to him," Twilight says nudging AJ and Dash.
>AJ and Dash, FUCK Mac found out about the threesome and told the girls
>You really don't want to fight Big Mac
>He is one of the only cool guys in this town
>Poppa Anon didn't raise no punk though
>You will make him into a grosser pile of meat than the McDonald's meal of the same name
>Then again, maybe it is something else having to do with Rainbow, Applejack, and yourself so you just remain calm, quiet, and listen
>Momma Femanon didn't raise no fool
>So you put on a nice smile and sit back on your loveseat opposite the couch where the girls are all sitting
Sure, what did you girls want to tell me?
>Applejack gets up and walks to you
>Slowly steadily, her beautiful green eyes focused on yours
>She sits down in front of you and sighs, obviously getting ready to tell you something she'd rather not tell
>"Anon, ah don't know how to put this any other way than straight, so ah won't beat around the bush none."
>You wipe the grin off your face, and sit up straight.
>Whatever this is means a lot to her, and isn't a laughing matter if she needed the support of her friends and brother just to come say it
>So you give her your full attention
>You aren't a dick
Go ahead and say what you need to AJ, I won't feel any different about you.  You're still gonna be my best friend, boss lady.
>She chuckles at the nickname you use while working for her
>All the girls seem to visibly relax a bit
>Even Big Mac goes from 'I'm gonna kill dis nigga' mad to a tepid 'Don't make me choke a bitch' mad
>"*sigh* Anon, ah'm pregnant."
>What
>That's it
>Why give a shit
>A second ago AJ looked like she found out apples gave you cancer
>And that cancer existed in Equestria
>Well she is the one carrying the little bastard, so it would be big to her
>Still you aren't a dick
>And she is still your friend
>And a pretty good fuck too
>So you scoop that silly pony up in a nice, close, reassuring hug
Applejack, is that all?
>"What, Anon, ah thought-"
Don't even worry about it, if this is some country fried notion that you are any less a mare because you aren't married yet you can throw that shit out the window
You are still one of my best friends, and I'll help you through it.
>You can feel a couple tears on your neck, she really needed this
>Just like that all the tension in the room evaporated
>Even Big Mac dropped down to 'Dis nigga cool'
>No idea why you gauge his emotions in terms Niggisms
>"Rainbow, maybe you should share the good news as well.  Anon is proving his people to be quite understanding," Twilight says pushing Dash forward.
>Unlike AJ, Rainbow dash is looking everywhere but at you as she flies over
>And she looks like life has kicked her in the ovaries pretty hard
Come on Dash, I doubt you can match AJ's bombshell
>Pinkie started having a giggle fit, when you said that
>"Actually, Anon, I can.  I'm pregnant too," she says looking at your very interesting wall
>You lean up a bit and grab her out of the air with your free arm
Get in here you
>"Hey you don't have to get all mushy on me"
Oh, shut up.  I don't know how you guys do things in Equestria, but you girls don't have anything to worry about as far as I'm concerned.
This isn't some horrible doom cloud here to end the world, it is just a couple babies.
>Rainbow doesn't fight the hug, but she doesn't look like she loves it either
>You can imagine why an athlete isn't looking forward to the joys of motherhood
>"Oh, Anon, that is so wonderful to hear, we were so worried you would be upset," Fluttershy says as she floats over to hug on Dash.
>"Once again, Anonymous proves himself a stellar example of a gentlecolt.  I told you girls you had nothing to fear," Rarity says as she joins in on Applejack's hug nuzzling your face a bit.
>Gotta put in some time with that mare
>"Well Anon, I don't know if being this understanding is baseline for your species, but it is commendable nonetheless," Twilight adds hugging onto Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
>"CUDDLE PUDDLE!"Pinkie screams before jumping into the pile of mares and ending up perched on your head giggling at her own antics.
>"Eeyup" Mac finishes still sitting on your recliner, looking really proud of something.
Alright girls get up, this is exactly how I want to die, but not yet though.
>All of the girls reluctantly get up, except Pinkie who merely dropped from your head and is now riding you piggyback
>And Rarity who is sitting next to you, leaning on your arm eyes closed and smiling
Ok ladies, this might get awkward, but I have to ask.
>They all look at you smiles on their faces, except for Dash who while much better than when she came clearly isn't as happy as the rest
Who're the lucky stallions?