Lament of a small content creator

As content creators, there is a lot of stigma that surrounds us and how we interact with our communities and social media. We are not suppose to talk about viewership and what happens to it if we change things. We are expected not to mention our analytics, the money we do or don't make, our feelings when things take a downward turn, or anything that goes on behind the curtain.

We may want to change the game we are playing or take a break from our norm but if we do, a lot of our community goes with it. A lot of what we worked to build, gone in an instant. Because of this, we feel stuck in a rut. People say "Do what you want. We'll still be here." but most of the time, this is not true. The moment we changed is the moment it tanked. We can see it clear as day when we look at our metrics.

When topics like this come up, it's considered taboo and we are ungrateful for our community, what we have, and we should be grateful that people even grace us with their presence at all. That mindset is what drives content creators in a downward spiral of guilt and burnout.

We start apologizing for not being able to produce or provide content when things happen in our lives, be it emergencies, illness, or simply needing personal alone time. Things beyond our control. "Sorry, everyone. I have to cancel stream tonight. I have a headache and I want to lie down. I will make it up to everyone tomorrow!" Things we should never have to and shouldn't apologize for but we feel as though we must.

When it gets to this point, it stops being "I want to" and starts becoming "I have to" in our minds. We try to convince ourselves that we are still in control and we do it only because we want to but deep down, we know it to not be true but we don't want to admit it. If we truly were, we would not be in this spot to start.

What goes on behind the scenes and the toll it takes on people is invisible in the beginning and only starts to show once it's already too late and has become too much to handle.

These are the eggshells we have to walk on any time we are public facing, be it on stream, social media, or even in our own Discords. This is the current state of content creation.

We feel like there is more we could and should be doing to grow but the reality is it requires a lot of luck now. The content creation scene has become so large and so saturated, it's hard to stand out among the crowd, now more than ever. We are one in the sea of thousands upon thousands.

We believe it's a shortcoming of our own but a lot of it boils down to factors beyond our control. We can have the best cameras, the best lights, expensive sound equipment fine tuned to perfection, and play the most popular games but this alone, success does not make. There's creators out there with so much less but have obtained so much more. Just like with celebrities, it's about being in the right place at the right time doing the right thing and the right person finding us and even then nothing is guaranteed to come of it.

We keep saying to ourselves "If I keep working hard, my time will come. My labors will bare delicious fruit. I just have to keep pushing." but hard work alone isn't good enough anymore and we don't want to believe it because the truth of it hurts. We grind ourselves down in an attempt to prove it wrong. When, after all that, if the fruit still does not grow, we begin to accept the painful reality of it and the weight of it crushes us until there is nothing left but depression, defeat, and emptiness.

Once we have hit that rock solid bottom and we are at the lowest we can go, if we try to express it, we are mocked, ridiculed, and told to stop whining by those who caused this taboo in the first place.

These are the things we are not suppose to talk about.