Failed Sarcasm Comedy

This is what happens when i have no showdown to be bored on.
Its kind of an improv thing, heres an example

[Building a table] Guide For a Sociopath
1.) Go to store and buy (6) two by fours. Leave the store. Take a sharpie and change the (6) to a (10) on the receipt. Come back and demand that there is a problem with the bill and harass the employee until they bring out extra 2x4s. demand to see manager. When the employee leaves to go get the manager take the boards and leave. Its not stealing because when your table becomes the talk of the town everybody will ask you where you got it from and you'll hint at a general store in the area, doing them a massive favor. Also you're helping them to be more vigilant incase an actual thief comes.

2.) Go home and discover that you don't actually have any of the tools or materials to build the table. Go into your neighbor's garage and take their tools and other home improvement items. Its not like they need it, the burned down garage they were building by hand to avoid massive overcharges from the city was tacky anyway. You know because you stole the blueprints to make a paper airplane and purposely caused the mailtruck carrying the replacements to crash because you thought your copy of Destiny might be in there, because the developers totally owe you and should deliver it early for that article you wrote on the internet criticizing the fact that they still haven't made halo reach 2. Take all the nails you might need except for four and put it behind the wheels of their car because you popped a car tire 11 years ago when their house was first built and construction men left a nail in the road, which you're sure was on purpose and obviously some kind of power-play to gain dominance in a new neighborhood.

3.) Build a shoddily constructed table because the instructions you got from a friend on smogon suck and you're sure its because they're all a bunch of jealous elitists who want to make sure they're the only ones who know anything and not because you refuse to read it because you think it might have a computer virus in it. When it's done show it to your neighbor's spouse and if he/she thinks its badly constructed simply say you're trying to emulate what it's like to live in an under privileged neighborhood and that he/she is an ignorant pleb. Then tell the neighborhood that she said something really horrible about how the wealth gap in America is good and should grow, but don't go into it and tell them it's because you're not a gossip.

A guide by RKA, in lieu of another Guide I promised to write for a friend but won't because its obviously some sort of way to take advantage of my awesome and not because I'm lazy


Ok, anything in a similar format is welcome, doesn't have to be as long, or can be longer, lets have a good time and try not to bash anybody too hard if they can't get the hang of it right away. =D