Thread 61: Stories 1-15

https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/21858107/
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>42
"2"
~~

>Where... are you.

How a tiny bundle of energy and loud had managed to slip from her sight, 42 would never know. But she had, and now she found herself wandering the halls, looking for any sign of the tiny changeling.

>Where...

"Yer' gettin' waaaaarmer!"

She started, ears flickering back and forth as she struggled to locate where the sound originated from.

"Warrrmer.... warrrmer!"

She flung open door after door, finding each room empty. Another and another and another, with no sign of her.

Her hoof paused when she reached a... particular door, and with a shudder she moved away.

"Colder!"

As if that were more spell than command, she froze.

Slowly, she looked back to the door, and moved towards it.

"Waaaarmer!"

>...noooo...

It was with no amount of reservation that she finally slowly, carefully, pushed the door open.

And the smell of chlorine flooded her nose.

"Yay! Now ya' gotta catch me!"

Her heart seized in her chest when she spotted the miniscule changeling on a floaty... right in the middle of the pool.

>Two! Return here at once!

"Nuh uh!"

>That is an order!

"Gotta come get me!"

>...Fine! I will!

She reached out, her hoof just barely poking the water. And then she immediately snapped back, shuddering.

>...No! you are going to come over here!

"Nuh uhhhhh! Gotta come get me!"

>I WILL NOT!

"Okay!"

>...

"..."

>...BLAST!

Grabbing the biggest, sturdiest looking pool toy she could find, an inflatable pony weirdly enough, she slooooowly, ever so slowly, lowered herself into the water.

"Yay! I knew ya' could swim!"

>Get over here!

"Nope!"

Giggling, she paddled away.

>This is not funny anymore! Come back!

"Nope!"

She positively tittered as she swam out of reach, always one step ahead of the flailing changeling.

>TWO! COME BACK HERE!

"Nope! Gotta catch me!"

>WHY WATER!? Why would you do this in water!?

"Why're ya' worried about? Shiny's got ya'!"

>...The fu-... frick does that mean?

"Didn't ya' notice?"

It was only now, now that she literally had a child pointing it out to her, that Forty Two noticed that the pool floaty she was gripping to was not, in fact, just some random pony.

"Not-mom had him custom made!"

And the, frankly frighteningly well crafted, face just smiled.

>...GAH!

With a splash and a blush, she let go.

Big mistake.

>OH FUBLUb FUCBLBL THAT WAS DUBLBBUB!

She floundered around, splashing every which way as she struggled to keep her head above water.

>REGREUBLUB SO MUCBUBC REGREEEEBUULLBU!

"Ferty' two?"

>I DON'T WANT TO DIBUBLUB HELP ME CADDYBUBBLUB

"FORTY TWO!"

>...

"...Ya' can just stand up."

Slowly, her hooves went straight down... and she realized this water did not even come up to her chest.

>...So I can...

"...Or ya' knooooow?"

A wicked, positively impish smile crossed the princesses face.

"Ya' could'a just done this!"

With a buzz of her wings, she took off into the air, and flew out the open door.

"GOTTA CATCH ME!"

SLAM!

>...Wait... I COULD HAVE JUST FLOWN!... Oh dear sweet hivemind I feel so dumb... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?

But the pool floaty did not respond.

It just... floated.

>...TWO COME BACK!

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>SA
"18"
'Cadence'
~~~

There was always the risk that the conversation would veer into places he, as a stallion, just would not understand in a situation with two mares, but he admitted that, due to his wife's more... he was going to be nice and call it 'socially inclined' nature, he didn't think the conversational topic that would completely shut him out would be science based.

And yet...

"I'm telling you, Sparklejoules can be amplified artificially without long term ramifications!"

'And I'm telling you that's madness! You can't artificially enhance sparklejoules naturally! It's a fundamental aspect tied in with emotions, physical state and of course natural capacity! You can't artificially and safely enhance it long term any more than you could artificially and safely enhance someone's lungs to increase their capacity long terms, the downsides would hit eventually!'

"Only if you overdo it!"

'It's love! It's the greatest, most magical and most wondrous feeling in the entire universe, bar none! Who, I ask you, who if given the chance to enhance it wouldn't take it to those levels?'

"...I guess you have a point. If you could literally feel that much love, you'd be pretty tempted to take it too far rather quickly."

'Be honest, who could hold themselves back?'

"Hrm... probably a changeling."

'Oh come on! Changelings have an inclination to desire power, they'd be more at risk than even a normal pony! You can't be serious!'

"I am serious! And I have an example."

'This I have to hear.'

"Chrysalis."

'...What?'

"I'm serious! Chrysalis overdosed to the level she burned out and nearly died, to the point her cells could no longer physically hold the amount of love that was being asked of them. If anyone would have experienced love at it's most intense, it would be her right there, no?"

'...I'm following so far.'

"But despite that, despite living in the place with the temptation right there, despite being mere feet away from it at any given time, she's not tried to 'dip back into the well', as it were."

'Still following.'

"Well, I mean, if a changeling with an inclination for power were more at risk than a pony, wouldn't she have broken a long time ago? She would have tapped into it's magic already!"

'...Huh. You might be right... then again, are we sure that she hasn't?'

"Twilight said if she tried it, she would die, so I'm guessing no."

'Yeah... she did say that...'

"...Caddy?"

'Hm? Oh, it's nothing. But what you're saying only sort of works, as the cellular capacity for experiencing too much love does undergo negative effects.'

"Only on that level. Take it from someone who went to invincible to falling apart in a short time, there's no long term effects for something less than that. In fact? My experiments on myself are showing I'm actually better at holding in love now than I was two months ago. I haven't had any negative effects."

'...Interesting... I might have to tell Twilight that. She's looking into alternatives for Shiny.'

"Awww, why would she ever need that? Shiny's plenty for everyone!"

'I know, but Celestia wants to start getting paid.'

"...hee hee..."

'What?'

"Nothing! So... she's looking to make a, what, Sparklejoule foodstore?"

'Sparklejoule ENERGY store, due to it being biomagical in nature. Let's not equate non-magically grown with it. We would obviously just... I don't want to say 'farm' but I don't know a better term. Just do that and then sell the love-harness storage, not literally line up ponies for draining.'

"Huh... you know, we might be able to monetize that ourselves. Crystal Ponies have greater inclinations towards love than normal, it's possible their Sparklejoules naturally adapted to being around the heart more, and they'd be able to produce and lose it a lot safer. If we did it at a rate of Blue per bit, we'd be able to cash in pretty quickly."

'How much cash in? The average changeling would only need a weekly rate of Greenish Orange.'

"Assuming they don't over-exert themselves... At LEAST another opera house."

'Huh... that would take the strain off Shiny too...'

"Would free up a loooot of love."

'Well, not a lot lot, but I get the point. What do you think, Shiny?... Shiny?'

>I agree with everything you just said.

'...What in particular?'

"...Is that static in his eyes?"

'I... I think so...'

>...I agree...

“...So! Artificially enhancing it is out of the question, I concede to you there-”

'Thank you.'

“-but what about farming? Twilight created a love-harness, but it still requires a changeling to pull it out and place the love inside of the storage unit.”

'Well, obviously we'll just give one of them a job.'

“Brilliant!”

'Thank you!'

“...He is just kind of nodding.”

'He's a stallion of action, Eighteen... not science.'

>...Ouch.

'Oh sure, now you start listening.'

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Luna"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I'm still stuck. Thankfully that's okay because...
Princess Luna appears
>Princess Luna is here!!!

"We received your cry for assistance."

>Yeah, I don't know if I'm waking up or sleeping deeper.

"Yes, tis a rather deep layer you've fallen. How did you even get here?"

>I don't know! I just closed my eyes and got here.

"*sigh* It's always something. Let us go. There's going to be a side trip on our way up, so follow along."

>Okie dokie loki. I hope I didn't worry anypony when I didn't wake up.

"Time is accelerated here. You've only been asleep for 15 minutes in real time."

>Really? It feels like it's been days maybe weeks!

"It happens. The deeper we go the more the sense of time is warped."

>We've gone full Inception!
Horn can be heard in the distance.

"Why do ponies keep bringing that up?"

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>Actarius
"JJ"
'Random Restaurant Patrons'
~~~~

>...You know what? This is nice.

"This is nice! I like this place, we should come back here more often.

>...Well, I mean, we could if I had a job...

"Aww, you'll get one someday! It'll work out."

>Heh, at least I'm not homeless.

"Yep, you can always sleep with me!"

'I KNEW IT!'

>...

"...Huh, weirdly loud. What do you suppose he was talking about?"

>JJ it's rude to listen in on other pony's conversations.

"Point, point. Though it's not a big deal to me."

>Nah, I don't care if the other guys hear you and me. In fact, I like it! Makes me feel bigger.

'HAH!'

>...

"...Must've been a funny joke."

>Well obviously.

"So, what looks good?... For you, I mean."

>Oh come on, you've got to eat something too!

"I feed off love, so unless you want me to start sucking the love out of you in public-"

'GO FOR IT!'

"..."

>...Oh! Must be reading the sports column.

"That makes sense. Anyway-"

>Oh come on, I know you guys eat too, I watched you swallow a crazy amount back at Partyland-

'WAY TO GO!'

'PROFESSIONAL!'

>...Damn, what season is this? Hoofball?

"I don't even know. But that's the point, I CAN choke down whatever you want to throw my way, but I'm satisfied if I just get some love in me."

'ANYWAY YOU WANT IT!'

>Oh hey! I love that song! ~Any way you want it, that's the way you need it~! Dadadada... Huh, memory's a little fuzzy.

"I know some! ~Oh, all night, all night Oh, every night!"

"""""Danananana!""""""

"So hold tight, hold tight! Oh, baby, hold tight~! OOH! They said-"

'''''''''ANY WAY YOU WANT IT, THAT'S THE WAY YOU NEED IT! ANY WAY YOU WANT IT'''''''''

>"I was alone, I never knew What good love could do~

'''''''''DANANANANA! '''''''''

"~Ooh, then we touched"
>Then we sang!
>"About the lovin' things!"

'''''''''DANANANANANA!~'''''''''

>Ooh, all night, all night~ Oh, every night~!
"So hold tight, hold tight"
>Ooh baby, hold tight~!

>OHHH! they said,

'''''''''ANY WAY YOU WANT IT, THAT'S THE WAY YOU NEED IT! ANY WAY YOU WANT IT'''''''''

>"SAID HOOOOOO! HOOOLD ON! HOLD ON! HOOOOOLD OOOON!"

'''''''''ANY WAY YOU WANT IT, THAT'S THE WAY YOU NEED IT! ANY WAY YOU WANT IT! Anyway you want it that's the way you need it, any way you want it...''''''''

>WOO!

'YEAAAHHHH! WE LOVE YOU CANTERLOT!'

*CRASH!*

>This place is awesome!

"We need to keep coming!"

>Coming all the time!

"And all night long!"

'WOOOOOO!'

'YOU TELL HIM!'

>...I feel like this place gets us.

"I feel you, in a lot of good ways."

'HAH!'

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>AJ
"Twi"
'Pinkie'
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
(Rarity)
^Spike^
~Various~
~~~~~

>NEXT!

~So do the oranges just live in Manehatten, is their orchard up there, orrrr....~

>Ah' don't know.

~...~

>What? Ah' gotta know friggen everythin' about them?

~Fine, is that one girl I see you with their daughter?~

>Babs?... Uh... wasn't really clear.

~How is this unclear-~

>NEXT!

~~~~

~What was wrong with Wonderbolt races!? Those were awesome!~

[Hey! They were just doing stuff to look cool in front of others!]

~...As opposed to what you do?~

'OHHHHHHHHH! NO YOU DEH-ENT!'

[...Fine. I uh... I actually don't have enough for a real race...]

~...WHA-~

>NEXT!

~~~~

~So just to check, we're okay if we get invaded again, right?~

"...You said, asking a room with four alicorns, while down the hall two more alicorns stuff their faces full of cake, a chaos being plays around above us, an airship is primed to go to be flown by the gun wielding dragon, and just to cap it off you're saying this to the ponies who've saved the world just... a bunch. Three different invasions, at that."

~....Huh...~

"It took a mutating, infecting, instant healing super being to get us on the ropes, and we still won. I think we're okay."

~...Thanks!~

*Leaves*

(...Are we actually-)

"No."

(Oh... okay...)

~~~~

>NEXT!

~Can dragons breed with ponies?~

{...Why... why would you ask me?}

~Animal chick.~

(...)

*CLICK*

^NEXT!^

~So is that a maybe-~

^What part of this gun looks uncertain?^

~...Damn.~

^NEXT!^

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 >Pommel
"32"
'Daw'

'So this feckin' machine-'

>The simulator.

'Th' simulator, right, it can just let you'n your mates just slice each other up like a ham all day long?'

>Essentially yes.

The pegasus arches an eyebrow, taking a swig of her cider.

'That's feckin' stupid.'

"Oh hivemind above THANK YOU, I hate how they thinkthey can just kill each oth-"

'Th' hell are you talkin' about, hole boy? That ain't got nothin' ta do with nothin'.'

>Uh, explain?

'Well say I -hypothetically- fought th' little scaly fucker-'

>"Spike."

'...Faust as my witness I'll learn these names, but say I'm fightin' him, then I kick him in the cloaca and slit his throat. Any other scenario he's dead and my problems are over-'

>Aside from about half a dozen godlike beings seeking revenge.

'-well BESIDES that, my problem's are over, except here he gets back up and can give me hell about it.'

>I don't really think he's going to complain if you roshambo him in a fight to the death, he took getting his neck snapped like a champ.

"..."

>What?

"Hm? Oh nothing, I'm just imagining our new friend attempting to kick helmet head, full love charge, right in the babymaker. The thought makes me titter a bit."

'Fittin', since yer a tit.'

"Touché."

>Wittiness aside, I dunno, I don't think the Gun Club...A Team...uh...

"Gun Team, A Club, Team Club, honestly your guess is as good as mine what you should call them at a given moment."

>But I don't think they're going to do that again, at least not for a while. I know you trained me using it, 32, but I noticed no other guards were really using it as a training device.

"Well I suppose one would be disheartened when you see two souls be extinguished in grisly fashion, and hear of the poor tortured guard that died over a hundred times trying to prove he was the best in the world."

>Yeah...

Pommel looked into his cider, into his reflection in the golden liquid.

>...but they shouldn't have to be...

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>18's thoughts
"18"
'???'
[??}
~~~~

>This... this is working!

She kept only to her thoughts to voice her utter amazement, perhaps justifiable since the rest of her life was various hopes and dreams taking turns walking up and kicking her in the non-existent balls. But against all of the many, many odds, this was not a complete and total unmitigated disaster!

Conversation hadn't been weird.

She hadn't accidentally made some kind of sexual advance-
>And that one was really hard because hivemind DAMN it does he look good in that suit
-and she hadn't said anything that would posit her as a threat to Cadence! Which is good, she asserted. She did not want to come off as a foe here.

>Mostly because I... would probably get curbstomped.

Yes, she was willing to admit it, Celestia had probably been right in that, be it due to fact or her own feelings of inadequacy on the matter, she would get beat fairly badly if it came down to a "love ya' more" contest.

Or... would she?

She hadn't meant to, but her freighting neuroses had made her... 'peak', just a bit. Just a little peak. Just a liiittle love-sensing. Little bit. Hadn't even looked that hard.... much.

And what she found made her feel like a billion bits.

Now, as always, she couldn't tell how much or how little love someone had in their hearts. She could only just barely see the surface of what was there, obviously. Otherwise a changeling searching for a target would have just involved staring into a crowd and then abducting someone. Still, even with just a glimpse, she got the idea of when someone had 'a lot.'

>And ohhhhh momma...

He had a lot.

Impossibly, it felt like he had MORE than he had when he had said yes! She knew this was crazy, but she felt this love everyday, she drank it DEEP, and she knew when it was good or not. And oh, this one? This one was not good, this was something else.

This was next-level good. This was a puppy waking you up on a weekend by licking your face while held by your loving daughter while your husband brings you breakfast in bed and your wife-

Getting ahead of herself, juuuuust a bit.

...Wait a minute.

>Brain? Replay that last bit.

...Puppy... breakfast in bed... husband... oh.

Huh... If this worked Cadence was going to be her WIFE. That... hoooo kay, this was weird to think about. That... that's getting into some weird places.

...Huh. These are not bad places, she's noticing, since sharing would mean-

>NO! BAD BRAIN! NOT AT THE TABLE!

Like that's stopped me before.

Still, that aside, it would be weird. Would Two have to call her mom? She only sometimes does that with Cadence anyway. Guess the poor dear still hasn't fully internalized the concept. Would this make her a princess? Would she get a little throne and everything?

...Wait, did Shiny get his own throne yet?... he hasn't! There's still just the one in the throne room! How long has this been!? Oh wow we have got to fix that.

'Fix what?'

>...Oh sweet hivemind no, I beg of you. Please... mom? Mom are you in there? If you ever had the possibility, just a CHANCE of ever really loving me, you will not have made me say all of that out loud. Please, I beg of you... be a mommy. JUST ONCE BE A MOMMY

Well, might as well be honest.

"Shiny still doesn't have a throne."

'Oh... hey yeah, that is weird.'

[Honestly? I haven't even noticed. I think my desk is pretty much my throne at this point.]

"Hah! Then my throne is nicer than yours."

'Your desk is almost nicer than my throne anyway.'

"Except for the weight bearing thing. Preeeetty sure the castle is going to start leaning."

[Nah, Chrysalis sits her fat ass on my desk all the time, we're counterbalanced.]

>Oh good, laughs, laughs are good. Everything is going to be nice. This is fine. Thank you...

'...And Two just calls us whatever she wants, it's not a big deal.'

[Yeah, she's not gotten that whole 'traditional' thing down yet.]

'Not that I think she ever will.'

[And that's fine.]

'Totally fine.'

>............................BURN IN HELL MOM!

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>88
~~

>O-okay, don't panic... come on, Eighty Eight, don't panic, you've been in worse scrapes than this.

She was lost. Utterly, utterly lost. She had even resorted to her sonic screech no less than three times, and all she had found was walls she did not recognize in a part of the castle she had never been to. She had no idea where she was, how she had got here... or how to get back.

And no matter how much she had called... nobody would come.

>HELLO!? HELLO! I need.... is anyone around!? I need some help, please! Please? I don't know which way is... I just need to get back to my room!... I won't hurt you, please! I can't see! I don't know which way I went!

But as always, nobody answered. The hall was barren, as if every guard had just simply vanished. There should have been hundreds, shouldn't there? But no matter how she looked, she found none. Not a soul...

>HELLO! PLEASE!

She was hungry, having not fed on love since this morning. Between her running and her constant use of her screech, which sapped a frightening amount of love, she was running low.

And still no sign of anyone.

>HELLO!?

She rammed into yet another wall, easily the fifteenth time today. Her nose was scrunched and bleeding slightly from the abuse, but she couldn't care less. Not in the face of the sweeping, crushing feeling of emptiness that surrounded her on all sides.

>HELLO!? HELLOOOO!? COME ON PLEASE! I'M SORRY FOR WHY I DID! I JUST NEED HELP! I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!

She fell, tripping over some object in the floor she couldn't see, likely a table. She flailed about looking for the wall, knocking over a painting when she finally found it, and shakily gripped it and followed it along, hoping for it to finally lead her somewhere.

>HELLO!? I-

Again, she found herself cut off as she rammed headfirst into a wall, injuring her skull as her hurried sprint was quickly cut short.

To her horror, she trailed back and forth against her new obstacle, and found nothing but a dead end.

>Hello?

No answer, no calls, nothing.

>...Hello?

Nothing but a dead end, and silence.

>...H-hello?

That feeling long thought put to rest returned, the feeling of emptiness and isolation, of a cold dark place and silence all around.

Her lungs felt crushed once more. Even though there was no water to compress them, she felt them filled, making it harder and harder to breath. Again she found herself on the floor, tripping over a simple bend in the rug. This time, however, she could not find the strength to get back up.

>...hello...

She curled inwards, the darkness in her vision suddenly feeling suffocating, all encompassing as that cave had ever been.

>...H-help.

She didn't know who she was asking for. Who she was begging to see. Someone, anyone, to come and see her.

>...H-help...

But nobody would.

Yet again... she felt like she should just lay there and die. Let the feeling sap the love from her body until it shriveled her up and she starved. Cold, alone, and forgotten...

>...I...I...

A single hoof touched the floor, and pressed.

>...I want.... I want to live...

She could only barely steady herself as she put pressure on her hoof, once more stumbling to sit upright.

>...I want to live....

She did not rise to stand. And yet, simply sitting like that, with her head above the ground... felt enough.

>I want to live

She did not know how long she sat there, as the clock ticked away, but she did not move.

>I want to live.

At last, she stood to shaking hooves, placed one on the wall... and headed on her way.

She did not even hesitate.

She would not stop until she found the way out.

>...not again...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>42
"2"
~~~

>WHERE!?

You'd think a black, loud and fast moving bug-pony hybrid would stand out in a castle full of brightly colored shining crystals, but apparently not!

Worse, she could hear her. She could hear the giggling, but just could not-

"Can't get meeeee!"

>...

Up... up... up went her neck.

Right to the changeling sticking to the ceiling like a fly.

"...Hi!"

>TWO, GET DOWN HERE!

"Ah' can't, that's dangerous! Ah'm not supposed ta' drop from the ceiling!"

>Then walk down!

"That's breakin' the rules!"

>You shouldn't be up there in the first place!

"Nobody said I couldn't walk on the ceiling!"

>Yes they did! You just said they did!

"Nu-uh! They said I couldn't walk on the walls! I'm not on the walls! And I can't walk down the walls!"

>...FINE! I'll come get you!

"Yer' not allowed to walk on the walls!"

>I'm an adult, I can if I want!

"Forty Two don't!"

>You are going to-GAH!

She slid right off, not even a bit of grip, and fell right upon her helmet.

>...

"..Walls 'er slippery."

>I noticed.

"....MEEPMEEP!"

ZOOM!

>GRAAHHHHHH!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Luna"
'Night guard'
[Filly]
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I need help waking up. Join us now as we-

"What are you talking about? Are you still doing your show when there's no camera?"

>Ah don't mind me.

They both arrive in a large city with dazzling lights
"Anything to report?"

"There's been a large amount of ponies and changelings that haven't been seen dreaming in a while, but that's it. It's a quiet night tonight"

>Ah ha ha I'm sure it's not a cause for concern or anything. Where are we anyway?

"This is a dream city, built by those who mastered lucid dreaming. I mainly use this place as home base when travelling and gather any signs of bad dreams. Since time moves so quickly here there are those who prefer it here. They believe this place is more livelier than their real lives and then there are those who are stuck in a coma, so we make this dream world as comfortable and exciting as can be before they...fade away."

>Awww...

[Oh my gosh! It's you, Pinkie Pie! I'm a huge fan of your show! Can I shake your hoof?]

>I'll do you one better. A hoof shake and a super duper hug!

[Yaaaaay!!!]

>She was cute.

"We're happy you pleased her. We wish we can give her more...Your show has a cult popularity here."

>Really!?!

"Yes, but let us go. We can drone on about this place, but we've dawdled here long enough. If it's a quiet night, it's probably noisy in the waking world."

>We're going to reach the character limit soon, but I have to ask something.

"What is it?"

>Is it more interesting in the dream world?

Luna smiles.
"I suppose only for those who can remember it was interesting in the first place."

Pinkie wakes up
>...Hm.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >29
"MM"
'Trixie'
[Zecora]
*Q*
~Reggie~
~~~~

>May I just state my suspicions as to why you wished me here, Zecora? I wish to make this known.

"We come to her hut all the time."

>Yes, but rarely doth the mare call me to bring my newest... hangers on.

"...So what do they do?"

>They're a cockroach and a golem, they don't do anything and WILL YOU NOT TOUCH!

'Trixie wants to use them in her show!'

[And I too would like to see. This golem intrigues me.]

>No! They are the close personal friends to which I was tasked! Verily shall I- WILL YOU PUT HER DOWN!

[...Her?]

>I think he called her a her.

*TINK!*

"Huh. She is a her."

>...Ignoring that.

'So, what do you plan to do with them?'

>I am watching them!

'Untilllll?'

>...A set end date was not stated.

'HAH! You pushover. You'll do anything if someone you're boning asks.'

>I will not!... WAIT WHAT!? We're not... ugh, 'boning'!

'...You're not? I thought he was in prison?'

>He is!

'...And you didn't sleep with him?'

>NO!

'.....Trixie has been mislead by many a book.'

"Also, what's your frame of reference here? He's not having sex with anyone and hasn't for a LONG time, longer than since you arrived."

>...Hasn't been that long...

'Trixie just assumed you guys were sleeping together.'

"Nope."

'Huh. Learn something new everyday.'

>IT HAS NOT BEEN THAT LO-... ZECORA!



>Ugh... are we going to be here much longer?

"It's not like we're needed back home. Is anyone looking for us?"

>As if anyone would actually care about us.

'...Depressing...'

>...Want to get crazy?

"Don't you see aliens when we do that?"

>Totally worth it.

~CHITTER!~

>He's on board.

*TINK!*

"Narc."

[...]

'We might not need the drugs...'

~~~~~

{WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY?!}

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
"SS"
'Guard'
~~~~
>No you idiots! You're doing it wrong!

SS walks in noticing rows and rows of guards.
"DT, what are you doing?"

>I'm choreographing for a recruitment video...if they'd just get the dance fucking right!

'We've been at this for 5 hours!'

>And you lot still haven't gotten it right. Now take it from the top! and 5, 6, 7, 8
Disco music starts playing and the guards pelvic thrust to the beat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hn6zAIQnGxM

>Young mare, there's no need to feel down.
>I said, young mare, we can use you around.
>I said, young mare, we're protecting the town
>There's no need to be gloomy.

>Young mare, there's a place you should go.
>I said, young mare, to learn to be pro.
>You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
>Many great defenders of your time.

>It's good to join with the Equestrian Royal Guard
>It's good to join with the Equestrian Royal Guard

>They have- Damn it! It's tap tap shimmy shimmy jazzhooves! Not tap tap shimmy jazzhooves. There's 2, 2 shimmies! How fucking hard is it to remember 2 shimmies!?!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~

>Hey, Tia? Got a question.

"And I have a meteor! One who is just DYING to meet you! Want to meet him? I know you do!"

>Maybe later.

"No no, I'll call him down right now! Let's see!"

>Don't call down yer' meteor.

"But he wants a hug! Are you going to deny him his hug, Applejack? Are you that cold? ARE YOU MARE ENOUGH TO TELL MR METEOR NO!? No no, you stay right there, right there, so I may call him down and MR METEOR CAN ANSWER YOUR QUESTION!"

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Ya' ain't got a meteor, do ya'?"

"...I don't know why everyone thinks I can survive in space long enough to do stuff like that..."

>Just wanted ta' ask, the buffalo ain't got no trade, right? Before us, I mean.

"...What? I... I guess? I never dealt with them."

>It's just... where'd they get the feathers?

"... the... the what?"

>Their headdresses, they have feathers. Not-desert-bird feathers. Where'd they get them? Lots of them look white, but there ain't no white birds native ta' the area, Ah' checked.

"..."

>And at that, did they... like, kill 'em? Seems kinda mean, but Ah' don't know how they could'a gotten 'em off anyway.

"...I... I don't know..."

>Huh. Guess it's a mystery.

"Guess so."

>...Hey, Tia?

"Yeah?"

>Ya' can stop pretendin' with the meteor now.

"...I did."

>Oh... then what's that?

"What's wh-OH FU

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Maud"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I can finally get back to my normal routine. Now for our main guest...MY SISTER MAUD!!!

"...Hi"

>You wouldn't believe what happened to me! It was awful and craaaazy!

"Did you peep on your friends' dreams?"

>Yeah I did, but-

"Karma."

>Eh, I might have deserved it a little, but let's move on. Are the writers going to remember you're still being stood up at the Crystal Empire?

"Probably not."

>And that's all the time we have!

"Hm."

>Oh and Boulder killed a bird.

Maud wakes up and finds two dead birds in front of Boulder.
"...Boulder no...bad."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >42
"2"
~~~~~

>...Nooooo...

She was in the panty.

Also known as, that GIANT ROOM all the food was in.

The one with dozens of sacks, hundreds of cupboards and no less than three walk in freezers.

AND SHE WAS IN THIS ROOM.

"Come and fiiiiind me!"

She snapped up like a lioness, leaping at the place where she had heard the voice... and finding nothing but carrots.

"Gettin' closer!"

Another leap... and she found celery.

"Come on!"

That one was beats.

"OOOOH wrong way!"

This one was carrots again.

"COLD SO COLD!"

Oh hey, the boysenberry. Going to have to remember that. She loved boysenberry.

"FORTY TWO WHAT'CHA DOIN' YER SO WRONG!"

...Okay, who even eats carrots? She had never once seen anyone, anywhere in this castle, eat carrots. Why do they have so many carrots!? What possible reason could there be to have this many-

"Forty Two? Ain't ya' gonna keep lookin'?"

>NO! I need to figure this out! Okay, I could see having one bag in case of some dignitary or guest, maybe two, but this is ridiculous! This is exorbitant it what it is! If nothing else we should donate these to orphans or something so they don't become a GIANT PILE rotten carrots that are just never used! This is so stupid! It's wasteful! Why, oh dear hivemind WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY... wait a minute.

She turned... and Two was already at the door.

"Ah' got bored."

>...GET BACK HERE!

"MEEPMEEP!"

ZOOM!

>...Damn you carrots... you are now my most hated fruit.

"CARROTS ARE VEGETABLES!"

>I KNEW THAT!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________