From the Pages of a Doki's Diary

It felt strange, waking up to an empty bed. It's been a month since she showed up, but I was so happy at her arrival it took no time getting used to all the changes. Life becomes so interesting when there's someone there to do it all with. And when you can do it all with the one you love, well.

So it felt weird to open my eyelids and not see her there, patiently waiting for her sun to rise. Instead I only found a diary lying where she should've been. Where did this come from? I open it up on a random page:

"8/12/2018 Sunny
Today me and Anon went fishing! I ended up hearing a lot of stories about his life! It was a fun afternoon! We ended up setting up a campfire and eating all the fish we caught! All three of them! We went to McDonalds later that night..."

This happened the first week she appeared. Is this hers? Where did she even sneak the time to write this, I was with her almost all the time. I end up flipping through the pages, there's one for almost everyday:

"8/6/2018 Sunny
Me and Anon go to a festival together! There was a giant stuffed cow that I wanted really badly and he ending up winning it for me! Carrying it around all day was a pain though!

8/10/2018 Rain
I told him I never went ice skating before, so he showed me a place that has an indoor rink all year around! We skated around and we both fell! Good thing we're both amateurs or I would have felt so embarrassed!

8/11/2018 Sunny
Just a lazy night in with Anon! We watched some of his favorite movies together! His lap is a comfy pillow, ehehe~

8/14/2018 Sunny
An ice cream truck came rolling by the neighborhood! I was about to drop my ice cream and he tried to save it! Too bad it ended up all over his face! We ended up laughing about it as I sprayed him with a hose!

8/16/2018 Rain
Me and Anon played a horror game! Well, I watched, he played! I don't like jumpscares, so he told me to leave the room whenever he knew one was coming up! What a thoughtful boyfriend! I won't forgive him though for tricking me into staying in the room to see one, though!

8/18/2018 Sunny
When Anon gets a day off, it's the best! We spend the whole day together and eat junk food! Although, I do wonder why he never hangs out with his other friends..

8/20/2018 Cloudy
We went out to dinner today! I almost choked, but good thing Anon knows the Heimlich maneuver! I also ended up getting a fish bone stuck in my throat, but Anon told me to swallow a banana to lodge it out! Such good advice! For such a lovely night, I ended up swallowing something else for him!

8/23/2018 Rain
I ended up getting sick, but Anon ended up staying the whole day nursing me back to health! I told him he should just go to work, not to bother with me but he wouldn't hear it!
"I want to see my Sayori happy and healthy!"
He shouldn't make his boss angry for me, but I guess he's right, so I ended up getting a full dose of his love!

8/24/2018 Rain
I asked Anon why he didn't ask permission to hang out with his friends or something! He said that he didn't really have any! I was all he needed now, so he didn't need friends! How convenient!

8/25/2018 Rain
I complained that I felt like a freeloader because I didn't work too, but Anon said I was the reason he went to work everyday! To provide for me and so we could have money to do fun things on his days off! So I could always be free on his day off! So he lives for me? A person like me? I guess I should be glad!

8/26/2018 Rain
I asked Anon why I was the only one that got out of the game! He wasn't sure! Why did I deserve to find the love of my life? Why not Yuri? Or Natsuki? Or Monika? I already had MC! He would've been a perfectly fine husband! But here I am, with not just another guy, but the guy who is perfect! This isn't fair! But then Anon gave me a hug and told me not to worry about matters like that! What matters is now! And we couldn't be happier! He's right! We're happy! I'm happy!

8/27/2018 Rain
Haappy thoughtsHHAPPY thoughtsHappy thOughtsHappy thoughtzHappy THOTspy thoughtsHappy thoughtsH@ppy thoughtsHappy thoughtsHapppppppppppppppppp thoughtsH@ppy thoughtsHappy thoughtsHA-PEE thoughtsHappy th0ughtsHappy th0ughtsHappWHY thoughtsHappy thoughtsHappy thoughtsappy thoughtsHappy thoughtsappy thoughtsappy thoughtsappy thoughtsHappy thoughtsappy thoughtsHappy thoughtsappy thghtsHppy thoughtsappy thought sHappy thughtsappy thoughtsHappy thghtsssssssssHappy thoughtsHappy thoughtsappy thoughtsHappy thoughtsappy thoughtsappy thoughtsappy thoughtsHappy thoughtsappy thoughtsHappy thoughtsssssssssssssssssssssssssss Happy thoughtsHappy thoughtsappy thoughtsHappy thoughtsappy thoughtsappy thoughtsappy thoughtsHappy thoughtsappy thoughtsHappy thoughts

8/28/2018
I'm sorry. I can't take this anymore. I can't keep up the facade. This past week has been torture. I can't handle this love, it's run dry. It was handed to me like a cone of ice cream but I was not allowed to eat it. Only watch as it melted down to my fingers. He told me as he handed it to me that I was not deserving of this treat, but I would get to watch it, imagine the taste. Imagine what kind of life I could have if I took a lick.

This month was the happiest I have ever been. But it has also been the most sad. I could never have imagined a person who loved me so much. Who worked so hard to make me smile. But the way I was crafted, this smile was always supposed to be upside-down. I tried, I really really really tried Anon, to make that smile genuine. But I didn't try hard enough I guess, huh?

It's okay. I deserved this. I was never meant to have anyone care for me like this. This is another story of Sayori being a selfish brat who takes the kindness of the wonderful people around her without ever giving back. So the ending is naturally, to have them taken away. This is fine. This is what is supposed to happen.

Don't say otherwise! I can't share anymore doubts, any more fears. Because you'll always say that's not the case, and shower me with more love. But this just furthers those fears, those doubts. If you say otherwise, I could just disappear right now! Just let me finish writing this little thing.

Don't be sad, please. This wasn't your fault. It's all mine. It's all mine for being this way. This is who I am. This is who I'm supposed to be. It has nothing to do with you.

I wish you had a chance to accept this, accept me, for all I am and for all I'm worth. But he said that wasn't the deal. One bad day, and it's over. So it's over now. I wasn't able to be strong enough to make it last longer. I couldn't last longer then a month. I'm fucking trash.

So I sit here with my final diary entry. I won't see the end, so I won't know what weather we ended up with. Will you tell me Anon?"

I brandish the knife I keep by my bedside table. I pull it out of it's scabbard. The glint of sunlight reflecting off the knife blinds my vision. I slice off a big chunk, and grasp the blood poring out of my body. I crawl to the diary, and complete the final request of my companion.

"R  A IN"