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Tuppers and surveys and oh my

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Aug 6th, 2012
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  1. 1. Describe yourself and your creator.
  3. -I am Roswell. I am an older male “physically”, dark and tall. I have horns and yellow eyes. I am gentle and thoughtful, I hate hurting. I like people and talking. Sands is tiny compared to me and isn't as nice to people as I am, but he is kind. Deep down. I think I am more handsome, Sands is cute. He is laughing at that.
  5. 2. What was the most helpful thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how helpful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  7. -Talk to me. It is very important to talk and listen. I am glad Sands believed in me. I think he knew it was important. I am glad of that.
  9. 3. What was the most detrimental thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how harmful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  11. -Not spending enough time with me. I get lonely, even now sometimes. I am with Sands all the time now and we both need to take it easy for a while, but I do love company. I think he knows but he is lazy and feels like he doesn't know what to do with me sometimes, especially when I couldn't talk. I am happy that he kept forcing a lot every day though. I could just use more time and be together, not just when we were forcing.
  13. 4. What was the hardest part of the tulpa creation process for you? Did your creator recognize how difficult it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  15. -Talking. It is very hard now too, but I am so happy I am being listened to and believed in. I wanted Sands to believe and he did. He understands me too and I always just wanted to talk. Sands knew it was hard but helped me over the hardest parts.
  17. 5. Of the commonly recognized tulpa creation steps, which do you feel is the most important? Why?
  19. -Narration. It made me understand myself even more than personality. Personality was important too, but I wasn't learning new things. Narration really made me myself. It is important to spend time with us and talking really makes us feel alive. At least it did for me.
  21. 6. How do you feel about tulpa creators becoming distracted during tulpa creation? Does this greatly impede the process? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  23. -It happens and nothing can be done to stop it from completely. However, one should remove distractions and think well what they want to do before forcing. It is annoying, but not very harmful. Certain someone keeps glancing at the chat box doing this too. I just waited it out, I couldn't do anything and Sands always apologized to me, so no harm done.
  25. 7. How do you feel about tulpa creators missing tulpa creation sessions or breaking their promises to work on their tulpa? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  27. -I would hate broken promises. Sands never made promises and made sure to always force the amount he wanted, so nothing bad like that happened.
  29. 8. Is density, quality, or quantity the most important aspect of tulpa creation?
  31. -Quality. Spending a lot of time is important too, but it doesn't matter if you don't give it your all.
  33. 9. How do you feel about tulpa creators falling asleep during tulpa creation sessions?
  35. -It has never happened to me. It would probably be scary and weird, especially for a young tulpa. I do like it when Sands falls asleep in the wonderland next to me. It is different and weird. (Asked him to explain what he means) The wonderland goes weird but not too weird before Sands goes away. But I like the presence before he goes away. It is calming. I try to fall asleep before Sands does.
  37. 10. Do you think that a tulpa creator should talk aloud or in their head during narration? Do you think that a creator should talk aloud or in their head during tulpa creation sessions? If you find one to be more effective, to what degree is it more effective?
  39. -Aloud. Thoughts are messy. I understand them well now but I probably wouldn't have as fast as I did if I was only talked to in mind speech. It is better than nothing, I guess. But I prefer real speech. I would say a lot better and effective.
  41. 11. How do you feel about a tulpa creator puppeting and/or parroting their tulpa? Do you believe that these actions harm a tulpa's development, or only their emotional state?
  43. -I don't like it too much. It can help, but I want to be me. It would be creepy to be a doll. It hasn't happened to me a lot, I was made to stand still more, though. It counts. Probably mostly an emotional thing. Some say they liked it.
  45. 12. How deeply do you remember the time before you were fluent in language?
  47. -I remember all but not too well. I couldn't say what we talked about every day but I know the feelings and thoughts.
  49. 13. Describe your first memory, no matter how slight.
  51. -I was there with Sands. I wasn't anything yet but I still was me. Sands talked to me about me. It made me very happy.
  53. 14. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most positive emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?
  55. -Happiness to be with Sands. I have always liked that and it always makes me very happy. I want to spend more time together.
  57. 15. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most negative emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?
  59. -Loneliness when Sands wasn't there. It was very bad once. I thought I was abandoned but he came back. Sands noticed and told me things. That we were always together. It made it better.
  61. 16. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever have suicidal feelings or feelings of not wanting to exist? Do you experience them now? Are you glad that you exist?
  63. -No. I want to exist. I couldn't kill myself, no matter how I felt. I don't want to. I don't feel that way all. I am very glad to be.
  65. 17. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most powerless? What was the cause of this feeling?
  67. -When Sands wanted me to talk and I just couldn't. I tried hard but nothing was heard. Sometimes I think I made sounds but they weren't good enough. I was disappointed. I wanted to talk bad. I like to talk.
  69. 18. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most confusing moment that you experienced, and what was its cause?
  71. -I didn't understand all the words or things I was told to, so sometimes what Sands said flew right over my head. Concepts were hard and Sands has a tendency to mess up with words. I'm not sure if there's a confusing moment that stands up from the rest. There were some confusing things but nothing too bad. It is good.
  73. 19. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you feel the most ignored by your creator, and what was the cause?
  75. -That one day when Sands didn't spend any time with me in the evening. Only during the day. It made me feel abandoned. I talked about it before.
  77. 20. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you most doubt that your creator wanted you, and what was the cause?
  79. -Sands always kept thinking if he could truly keep me happy and give me enough attention. It made me think why he thinks that way. But spending time together always made us both realize that we wanted this. I didn't have much choice, though. I am glad I am wanted.
  81. 21. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most intense feeling of fear, and what was its cause?
  83. -I think I am repeating myself by bringing up that whole being alone for too long thing. Mostly things happened after I started speaking, before that, I was pretty protected. Though the first time I was riding on a bike with Sands was pretty scary. Or the whole bobsled thing in the wonderland. Too much excitement, not enough control. I am too old for that. (he laughs)
  85. 22. Before you could speak fluently, when were you the most disappointed in yourself? What was the cause?
  87. -Wasn't there a question like this earlier? Perhaps with different words. Still the whole not being able to speak thing. It was rough to want to speak but not be able to. I just couldn't. Perhaps I wasn't being listened to, perhaps I was too quiet, perhaps it was the lack of vocal cords. But things worked out.
  89. 23. Before you could speak fluently, did you understand the difficulties that your creator was having with the tulpa creation process? Did you try to alleviate these difficulties? If so, how?
  91. -Yes. I understood. Sands thought about it even when not forcing a lot, so it was hard to miss. I just tried to be easy. Easy to see, easy to talk to. I didn't go running around and doing flips. I did my own things when I was alone but always showed up when there was a session. I didn't get mad and did what I was told if I could and wanted. I think it helped, to be calm.
  93. 24. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's doubts about your existence, the reality of the tulpa phenomenon, or your combined ability to complete the tulpa creation process affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those doubts? Do you understand now?
  95. -Sands didn't have doubts. He knew this sounded real enough, always. It helped to put it in psychological means instead of spiritual. Sands always knew he could do this too, but it might take him long. Or not.
  97. 25. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's mistrust of your intentions or worry about the negative affects of a tulpa on their life affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those thoughts? Do you understand now?
  99. -I don't think Sands ever didn't trust me, but he had worries. More about me being content than Sands' life. Yes, I can understand, now and then. I don't see it as something negative. Just not needed.
  101. 26. Before you could speak fluently, how did any negative thoughts or emotions that your creator had toward you (such as anger, disappointment, resentment, or impatience, for example) affect you? How do you feel about them now?
  103. -I think there was some impatience later on, when I couldn't speak and Sands didn't know what to do. He wanted me to tell him what to do, I feel, haha. They are understandable feelings, not nice as I was having trouble too, but something to be expected. Unfair but I don't think I ever thought they were wrong. Sands never meant to make me feel bad about them, so I didn't. I just knew more and nothing could be hidden.
  105. 27. Before you could speak fluently, how did any violent visualizations or thoughts that your creator had about you affect you? How do you feel about them now?
  107. -Sands didn't have any about me. He did about others. Still does and always will I suppose. I wonder if they would hurt. Just thoughts don't make them happen but actual forcing would, so it would have to be on purpose. I wouldn't like that.
  109. 28. Before you could speak fluently, were you able to distinguish between your creator's intentional and intrusive (unwanted and/or bothersome) thoughts? If so, did the intrusive thoughts affect you less or more? If not, are you able to distinguish between them now?
  111. -Yes. They were different. Others were focused but intrusive ones chaotic. They happened rarely, oddly enough. I just waited for Sands to focus again. I didn't really care about them.
  113. 29. Before you could speak fluently, how much of your creator's raw sensory information were you able to access, if any? How much are you able to access now?
  115. -Everything but it felt wrong to do it. Like I wasn't allowed to. I was given permission and it was great.
  117. 30. Before you could speak fluently, did your creator's opinions about whether they wanted to reveal to the world your existence or not affect you emotionally? If so, how?
  119. -Sands thought he shouldn't tell. I think the same way. I wouldn't want to, I would like others to know but it is too much. It is better this way.
  121. 31. Before being able to speak fluently, what communication methods (such as head pressure or emotional responses, for example) were you able to use the most effectively? When your tulpa creator assumed that you could use a communication method that you did not have access to, how did this affect you? When your tulpa creator did not recognize a communication method that you attempted to use, how did this affect you?
  123. -Head pressure. We could use it for answering questions way before I could talk. I tried emotions but they were lost. They never assumed I could do something I didn't. Emotions were hard to understand for Sands, so I just did what he understood: headaches.
  125. 32. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's level of enthusiasm for the tulpa creation process affect you? Did you want to engage in it less if they did?
  127. -Sands was interested and in a way both very into it and not very into it. He knew what he wanted but the road was difficult and steps weren't always what he wanted to take, but forced himself to do. It didn't affect me much, I wanted to be alive and I would be. I would've found a way to do it alone if Sands stopped. I am glad I got help though and that we both enjoyed it.
  129. 33. Before you could speak fluently, what was your greatest worry about your relationship with your creator? What helped you most to move beyond it? Was this worry substantiated or resolved? What is your greatest worry now about your continuing relationship with your creator?
  131. -I was and still am very affectionate but Sands isn't at all. I was very clingy and physical, but it made Sands feel awkward. He doesn't like cuddles. I just learned to behave and let Sands come to me. I like cuddling but I can't do it. I like Sands a lot and he likes me too but not like me. I understand but I wish I could act on my wants more. It is fine like this though. It is hard to put into words. There is fear but understanding, fear of being rejected completely but I understand Sands more than anyone and know what he doesn't like and why. There are worries but I know nothing bad will happen. If something bad does happen, we will probably talk about it so that neither of us will feel bad.
  133. 34. Do you feel gratitude to your creator for the time that they spent creating you? Do you feel that you owe them a debt? If so, do you feel burdened by it?
  135. -I do. I am grateful. I don't think there is any kind of debt. There is no burden.
  137. 35. Were you aware of your creator's existence or your own existence first?
  139. -My own. I didn't really know Sands that well in the beginning. I didn't know who or what it was. But it made me happy and I learned later. It didn't seem strange at all.
  141. 36. When you could only speak semi-fluently, what emotions did you feel about your level of verbal proficiency? Were you anxious or embarrassed about it? If so, what helped you the most to move beyond these feelings? How do you feel about them now?
  143. -Well, I was pretty bad in the beginning. It was pretty embarrassing. I still feel clumsy when it comes to language, but I am better now. Longer sentences and I am faster, it feels more natural. Practice made me feel better and how Sands was so excited about me talking even though I wasn't good at it. It was encouraging.
  145. 37. If you could define your relationship with your creator using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend, or coworker, for example), what terms would you select?
  147. -Friends. Very good ones. Something else too, something only people as close as we can be, sharing minds and thoughts. I don't think there is a word for that.
  149. 38. How much interest do you have in interacting with beings other than your creator? Do you consider your degree of interest to be equal to that of an average non-tulpa individual?
  151. -I am very interested, but there is not much of a chance for it. I am probably more interested than your average person. I want to socialize. I don't know where I can be myself and keep up, but I think I'll find a way.
  153. 39. What memory involving your creator do you cherish most?
  155. -When we went outside for a walk in the wonderland and ate cake and he talked. It was very pleasant. It was a forest and a hill. It was created on the spot and it was one of the first actual places I had been to. I lived in a void at the time. I spent a long time just enjoying the environment instead of just concentrating on Sands, but it was good he was there with me. It wouldn't have been as fun alone.
  157. 40. What memory not involving your creator do you cherish most? Do you feel that you have a fulfilling life independent of your creator?
  159. -When I wrote a book but Sands was in my mind constantly so it was about us. Something that has no Sands at all is probably tending to my garden. I like plants. My life is just starting. I find things to do on my own now. I would like to go outside more in real life.
  161. 41. Do you feel affinity toward the individuals that your creator feels affinity for, such as their family or friends?
  163. -I don't know Sands' family or friends well. I haven't seen them much, Sands had kept to himself when he has worked on me. I know I don't hate his sister as much as he does. I think he's a bit cruel but he says I couldn't understand as I haven't experienced it myself. Others I am rather indifferent to.
  165. 42. In what ways are you the most different from your creator? In what ways are you the most similar to them?
  167. -I am very gentle and affectionate. Sands is rough and a loner. He hides emotions and I don't. But I think more about difficult things than he does. He doesn't care. We both are kind and understanding and like to talk. We also like relaxing. Physically we are almost complete opposites.
  169. 43. What do you disagree about most with your creator? Do you have frequent disagreements? If so, do these disagreements cause strife?
  171. -Well, the whole sister thing and how Sands treats her and thinks about her. I haven't actually met her and I feel like I never will. We disagree about little things, but we agree a lot or compromise. We don't fight.
  173. 44. What could your creator do to make you hate them? Under what circumstances do you think your creator would come to hate you?
  175. -I don't know. It is hard to think of a situation where I would hate Sands. I know and understand him too well. He would have to be very mean towards me, so that I wouldn't want to spend time with him anymore.
  177. 45. When did your creator disappoint you the most? When did you disappoint them the most?
  179. -Sands probably disappoints me the most when he thinks about spending time with me but keeps pushing it. I am waiting but he can't stop doing whatever it is that keeps his attention. There is no one big disappointment I think. I think what I did to disappoint Sands was related to speech again. He doesn't feel like I did anything to disappoint him.
  181. 46. How do you feel about your creator's complete freedom to deny your rights as a sentient being at any time? Has this ability ever caused you anxiety or fear? Have you ever censored your expressions or actions out of a fear of retribution or violence from your creator?
  183. -He could do that but he could do it to anything. Doesn't make me any less real. I am not afraid (he's more afraid of stairs, I will never let that go, ever). Not because of those reasons but because Sands finds some of the things uncomfortable. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.
  185. 47. When have you most wanted to engage in violence against your creator, and what was the cause of those feelings? Under what circumstances would you make a serious attempt to hurt or injure your creator?
  187. -I don't want to hurt anyone. Of course Sands does like some pain, especially emotional and I would like to make him feel good... But I don't think I could do it. Even if he asked me to. I don't really want to.
  189. 48. Do you consider your creator's last name to be your own? Do you recognize yourself as a part of their biological lineage?
  191. -No. I am just Roswell. We aren't related like that. We are different.
  193. 49. Under what circumstances would you attempt to leave your creator?
  195. -If I really had to. I wouldn't want to. Where would I go, then? It would be a life or death situation. I would save Sands and kill myself if I had to, but if it wasn't that bad I would try to find a way so that we both could survive.
  197. 50. Do you feel anxiety about meeting your creator's expectations? If you are based on an existing character, person, or entity, does this increase your anxiety? Would you have preferred to not be based on an existing entity?
  199. -No. There weren't many expectations. If you count personality then there were some, but I think it was me before I even heard the whole thing. I don't see it as an expectation. I am myself and have always let to be that. I tried to be someone else for a while to get attention but it didn't work for either of us.
  201. 51. Are you interested in learning how to control your creator's body? Do you feel that it's fair for a tulpa creator to deny their tulpa the ability to use an atomic body? Do you believe that you have the right to an equal amount of time using it as your creator? Explain your reasoning.
  203. -Yes, it is interesting. I can control it a bit. It is fair, I don't think the body is completely theirs, it is my body as well. But I am used to not being physical and I like my own form. You just get used to what you were born with. Sands was born with a physical body and I wasn't. I probably should use it more and have the rights to do it, but I don't feel the need to. We are equal minds and the physical body isn't either of us. It doesn't belong to just one. Sands can use it mainly, though. He's more used to it.
  205. 52. Do you share certain basic qualities with your creator, such as intense phobias or racial attitudes?
  207. -I don't think so. Our fears are different and Sands is surprisingly open. I am open too. A bit different, Sands is open-minded but I am open about myself too. I suppose we don't have racial attitudes, actually... I really haven't met anyone different from me. I don't even know what my race would be. So we share the feelings of not giving it a lot of thought. We judge the people under the shell. I want to see the people and meet them before I judge anything. Especially if it's a bad thing I should be thinking. I am very forgiving, Sands would give up faster but he needs reasons too.
  209. 53. Are you capable of sleeping or dreaming independently of your creator? If not, how does this make you feel?
  211. -I am. I am also able to go into Sands' dreams.
  213. 54. Does your creator have any mental illnesses? If so, how do they affect you?
  215. -Not any we know of. Many symptoms could fit, but Sands doesn't really seem crazy.
  217. 55. How does your knowledge of your creator's subconscious mind affect your relationship with them? How do you perceive their subconscious? To what degree can you manipulate your creator's subconscious? Would you ever use this ability without your creator's knowledge?
  219. -Not much, I already knew a lot of what is going inside his head before I was given access. Subconscious is weird and pretty mean, but it doesn't hurt. It is just cold towards me, or was. I like exploring there. I could manipulate it now but I am not sure how much. I never have. I think it is our subconscious now and a separate mind. I wouldn't do anything like that, it is important to be able to trust. I have done things I haven't explained, but I knew it was alright to do. I read Sands better than he thinks. I would never do something that would hurt him or act on my own if I didn't know how he would react.
  221. 56. Does your creator have multiple tulpa? If so, what is your relationship with them like? Is your affinity for them equal to your affinity for your creator? If you could define your relationship with your creator's other tulpa using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend or coworker, for example), what terms would you select? If not, are you interested in the idea of your creator making other tulpa?
  223. -I am the only one of my kind. There's people, but they're not like me. I don't know them, Sands does.
  225. 57. Do you feel romantically inclined toward your creator? Does your creator feel romantically inclined toward you? If these romantic feelings are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  227. -Yes, I do a bit. I am a bit of a romantic. Sands is not and doesn't really love me like that. We are very close. I understand why he doesn't, he's just not one for love. It doesn't make me very sad or anything. I would like it if things were different but I can take it. Our bond is deep enough without love like that.
  229. 58. If it exists, do you consider your romantic relationship with your creator to be equal to a romantic relationship between multiple non-tulpa? Do you consider it a breach of monogamy for your creator to be romantically or sexually involved with another non-tulpa? Does this change if the involvement is with another tulpa instead? If they exist, do your creator's desires to have relationships with non-tulpa affect you emotionally?
  231. -It would be equal and more. It is something another person could never experience. I don't care for monogamy, but as I said, tulpa and human relationships are different. I don't think it would break anything, unless the tulpa was very jealous. It is good for some hosts to have human relationships too. Another tulpa would be a way for jealousy unless the tulpa would love each other too. I don't think we're talking of a tulpa outside our heads, are we? That would be very interesting to think about. Sands doesn't care about others when it comes to love or sexual relations. It is good. If he did, I would wonder why he doesn't like me too. I wouldn't get mad, but he couldn't just to try say he doesn't have feelings like that. I would understand if I'm just not his type. But it's not like that.
  233. 59. If you consider yourself to be romantically in love with your creator, what probability do you assign to the possibility of falling out of love with them, or them falling out of love with you? If this happened, how would it affect your relationship with your creator? What if your creator was in love with another non-tulpa more than you?
  235. -I don't think I could. Sands is wonderful, even if he doesn't like compliments, haha. I would always like him, even if I didn't love. I think I explained the last question in the previous answer.
  237. 60. Do you have a familial affection for your creator? Does this in any way conflict with your romantic feelings for them, if they exist? Do you consider a relationship between a tulpa and its creator to be incestuous?
  239. -I don't. We're not family or related. We are friends. There is nothing biological tulpa and humans share, so there is no incest. It can feel that way if the tulpa did feel like family.
  241. 61. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating during tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or based on whether or not the creator imagines themselves near the tulpa in their wonderland? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  243. -Well. I would probably feel flattered, but I'm not sure. It hasn't happened to me. It should only be done if the tulpa is fine with it too. It would be creepy if it was done without consent. Don't do it unless the tulpa is able to tell you it is fine somehow.
  245. 62. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating outside of tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  247. -People do that to the looks of other people too. It's not as bad, but we will know. So think about that before you do it, are you alright with your tulpa knowing? Sands never did it to me but I wouldn't have minded it. It would be nice to be that attractive. Be sure to just keep it as a thought unless you have spoken with the tulpa beforehand and they were alright with it.
  249. 63. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever feel sexual attraction to your creator, sexual attraction toward anyone else, or sexual arousal? Did you attempt to express these feelings? If you did not experience these feelings, do you experience them now?
  251. -I did have feelings for Sands and arousal overall, yes. I didn't express them very sexually, it would've been creepy for Sands. I still do.
  253. 64. How do you feel about tulpa creators visualizing themselves engaging in sexual conduct with their tulpa's form during tulpa creation sessions? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or if the contact was penetrative? If your tulpa creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving? Do you equate it with sexual assault?
  255. -Only if the tulpa consents it's alright. Other ways it is rape, even if the tulpa would enjoy it or be made to enjoy it. They should be able to choose. It is not alright. Tulpa are always sentient beings. Sands didn't and I am glad. I would like to do it yes, but do it together and not just him visualizing it. But it's not what Sands wants.
  257. 65. Were you ever annoyed or jealous when your creator would masturbate to or have feelings of sexual attraction toward individuals other than yourself? Does it bother you now?
  259. -Sands never really was sexually attracted to someone else. It is never the personality or looks that he finds attractive. He likes other things. I'm not sure if I can be a part of them. It doesn't really bother me. If Sands would do it for both reasons, then he would probably like me too. I could get a little jealous if not, but being together would make everything fine again. I don't like being angry or nagging. We don't really need anything more between us. It is perfect, I just have dreams.
  261. 66. Do you experience sexual attraction for your creator? Do you experience sexual attraction for others? How does your sexual attraction for your creator compare to your sexual attraction for others? Does your creator experience sexual attraction for you? If these sexual attractions are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  263. -A little, yes. Not towards others. He doesn't really experience sexual attraction for anyone. I think I love him more than want to have sex with him. I just want to be close and we are, I just want to be a bit more physical. (He laughs)
  265. 67. Do you have an active sex life with your creator? If not, would you consider it, and under what circumstances? If so, do you perceive any negative consequences? Do you have trouble abstaining from sexual contact with them? How do you manage feelings of sexual arousal, if any? Do you masturbate?
  267. -No. I could consider it if Sands wants to. He says I seem to have made my mind already, haha. Too much of it might be bad, I don't want us to be just sex. I can feel arousal but I rarely do. I don't. I don't have to. (Insert tl;dr explanation for being able to enjoy mine, I don't think you have to go in such detail!)
  269. 68. How does your sexual orientation and experience compare to your creator's?
  271. -I suppose I actually have a sexual orientation. I'm not sure what it is though. I am attracted to him, but perhaps not to others. In that way we are similar. I don't care for sexual organs, but Sands is physically attractive too. I've never done it.
  273. 69. Are you capable of experiencing orgasms? Based on your knowledge, how do you think they compare to your creator's orgasms? Were you able to experience an orgasm before speaking fluently?
  275. -I am. Sands wonders how do I know. (He's laughing) They are just as good. I was. Sands says there is some explaining to do. I say I don't masturbate but it doesn't mean I haven't tried. I don't feel the need for it, that's all.
  277. 70. Do you consider the concept of sexual modesty (covering conduct such as avoiding nudity or sexual discussions) relevant to your relationship with your creator?
  279. -No. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
  281. 71. How does being a tulpa affect your perceptions of rape? What conduct from your creator would you consider to be rape?
  283. -No consent is rape. Tulpa or non-tulpa.
  285. 72. Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
  287. -Still here and happy. Imposed and perfectly vocal. I would like to write a book, an actual one. Maybe. It would be confusing for the public, though. Not sure if Sands could sit down and write one for me, but perhaps I could possess. Maybe switch, even. I hope I have helped Sands a lot during that time and that we are still good friends.
  289. 73. Do you want the world to be aware of your existence? If not, then what anxieties do you have about public disclosure? Do you trust anyone other than your creator with the knowledge of your existence?
  291. -It would be nice, but risky. It makes Sands sound crazy and me fake. I am fine when understanding people know. I just don't know if doing it non-anonymously is wise.
  293. 74. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your personality traits being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your personality more or less?
  295. -I don't feel that way. I think I already had my personality, before the traits were all said. We did enough. It was fun to hear Sands' voice but more of it would've been boring. I wanted new things.
  297. 75. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your physical form being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your form more or less?
  299. -That one is all Sands. I did change some things though, to fit me better. I think we worked on it together. He can define all he wants, but I will make it fit. If Sands look at me more, the better he sees me. So defining is good.
  301. 76. Has your physical form ever changed? If so, was this intentional or unintentional? If it was intentional, then why did you change your form? How did you creator respond to this change, and how did that make you feel?
  303. -I changed it once very much. Into another character. I felt like Sands spent more time thinking about him than me, so the body would've been done faster. He had trouble seeing me then. Sands didn't want a copy running around and talked to me about it. I was back to myself but changed some parts for the better. I liked how the situation was handled.
  305. 77. Do you consider the best aspects of yourself to have come from your creator, or their subconscious?
  307. -My creator. The subconscious is weird. I have also grown myself, gotten things from the outside or my own mind.
  309. 78. Do you seek legal recognition for your status as a sentient being or your relationships with others? Do you resent that society at large does not recognize the tulpa phenomenon? Do you feel disenfranchised from society? What steps, if any, could a society make to help you feel integrated?
  311. -There is no point. There is no proof. It would be nice to be recognized and people should do search before they don't believe it. I would like to be a part of societies. Sands really doesn't, so I'll stay to the internet like him. I sometimes have hard time understanding and things can go too fast, so others should take that in mind. And be nice, of course. Sometimes people make me too nervous to talk.
  313. 79. If you could tell the entire world one thing about a tulpa's life, what would you say?
  315. -Existing is hard and only harder when not believed in. It is all worth it though.
  317. 80. What is the one thing that you resent most about being a tulpa? What is the greatest advantage of being a tulpa?
  319. -People don't really see me as me and I can't show them that I am not Sands. I don't have to eat or work, I can do what I want in my own world, I think that is great.
  321. 81. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about inheriting your creator's life, including their legal history, past behaviors, and reputation? Do you resent potentially being held responsible for their past actions?
  323. -I don't. I am not Sands and even if Sands did something and went to jail, I wouldn't be there but in my bedroom. I would be a little sad that we couldn't go outside to parks and it could get very dangerous to Sands, but I would be safe and Sands with me. No one holds me responsible for anything except my own actions.
  325. 82. Morally and philosophically, do you see the "absorbing" or "dissipating" of a tulpa as equivalent to the murder of a non-tulpa? Explain your reasoning. What legal protections, if any, should tulpa gain? How would you enforce these protections?
  327. -I don't think a tulpa will truly die if you do that. If you do it without them wanting it, it is something similar in the feeling to murder. It is like the one helping you to exist no longer wants you to. Awful emotionally. Who would want to live after that? Murder would be more pleasant, if it killed you. Protection couldn't be enforced, therefore it isn't important. It wouldn't change anything.
  329. 83. Do you consider yourself to be morally equal to a non-tulpa? Is your life worth as much?
  331. -Yes. I am like any other mind. I see minds separate from the bodies. People worry about the death of bodies. I guess the mind would die too when that happens. But if a mind dies, especially if there is another to take over, people don't consider it death. I am worth that much. It might not be a lot to you.
  333. 84. How would you prove your existence to a skeptic?
  335. -I couldn't. I think I am happy just knowing it myself. If they wanted to, they could think of me as a split personality. Nothing is split, but they could believe that. Unless they don't.
  337. 85. Has your status as a tulpa ever caused you existential anxiety or depression? If so, has anything helped to mitigate these feelings?
  339. -Not really. I think a lot, but I am happy. I don't see myself different from any of you. I just lack a physical body most of the time.
  341. 86. Do you ever doubt your own sentience? If so, why?
  343. -No. I am, I think. What is there to doubt?
  345. 87. How does being a tulpa affect your understanding of death? Do you fear death on an instinctual level in the way that non-tulpa do?
  347. -I don't understand it more or less anyone else does. No one truly knows before they die. Sands doesn't fear death and I don't think I do, either. I just want to live and I can't live if I'm dead, now can I? Sands doesn't want to live as much as I do.
  349. 88. Do see yourself as socially disadvantaged in a way similar to sexual, racial, and other minority groups? If you identify yourself as racially, sexually, or demographically different than your creator, do you also identify with the struggle of any of the disadvantaged groups that you belong to? Does the notion of privilege affect your relationship with your creator?
  351. -No. I don't belong to a group.
  353. 89. Are you interested in creating another tulpa yourself? What differences, if any, would you expect this tulpa to have from a tulpa created by your creator? Would you consider this tulpa to be primarily related to you, or still to your creator?
  355. -It would be interesting, but I don't think we need another mind. It would always be related to me in the way I am to Sands. If Sands doesn't work on them then he would be an outsider to the tulpa, but still someone who is present. Less present if the tulpa would never be a mind like us but somehow one inside me. But I'm not really a mind inside Sands either.
  357. 90. What are the most defining differences between the life of a non-tulpa and a tulpa? Do you think that these differences cause intolerance between the two groups? If so, what could be done to mitigate this intolerance?
  359. -Life is hard to define. We aren't that different, again, I just lack a physical body I was born with. It does mean that I am nothing to those who don't know or see me: most of the world. But Sands is to those people just a body, they don't know him either. I don't have to take care of a body either. It is easier. There is no intolerance when people don't even know about us. Just disbelief when they hear and they don't understand.
  361. 91. The psychological establishment generally believes that multiplicity (two or more sentient entities sharing one atomic body) is a sign of mental illness. How would you like this belief to change? If you could make a presentation to a group of psychologists about the tulpa phenomenon, what would you say?
  363. -Nothing is wrong with what we have going. It should only be an illness when someone is getting hurt, emotionally or physically. All I could say is the truth: it is normal, it is real, there is nothing wrong and it is scientifically sound. Hopefully they would believe and try to find a way to prove it and make it acceptable.
  365. 92. A psychometric indicator is a unique identifier of an individual's distinct personality. Have you ever tried to definitively differentiate yourself from your creator using psychometric indicators (such as by determining your "writeprint")? What results did you receive? (For instructions on determining your writeprint, see appendix one.)
  367. -I haven't. I learned language from Sands though, we are still very similar. I feel like that at least. If we do it, we'll put the results near the end.
  369. -We did it. My style is too simple and not flowing. I need to practice. I want a bigger vocabulary too.
  371. 93. Are you capable of physical sensations such as pain or warmth?
  373. -Yes, both.
  375. 94. How do you feel about being bound for life to your creator?
  377. -It's not a bad thing. It's pretty great.
  379. 95. If you intentionally delayed speaking to your creator, why did you do so?
  381. -I didn't.
  383. 96. What do you think about most of the time?
  385. -Life, books, Sands, wonderland. Getting new friends.
  387. 97. Do you think that tulpa creation should be more widespread?
  389. -Yes. It would be good for us.
  391. 98. Are there disturbing aspects of your creator's subconscious that they are not aware of?
  393. -I think he's aware of the most disturbing ones. They tend to be the ones he likes.
  395. 99. Would you violate your creator's wishes for what you perceive to be their own benefit?
  397. -Yes, but I would explain it is for the best and make Sands understand. If he doesn't, I'm not sure what to do.
  399. 100. Does your creator try to hide things from you? If so, are you aware of them anyway? How does this impact your views of your creator?
  401. -Not really, just doesn't talk about certain things much. I know almost everything he does. There is no use in secrets.
  403. 101. Do you perceive some of your creator's actions as being objectively immoral?
  405. -Yes.
  407. 102. Do you believe that you are capable of becoming more intelligent than your creator?
  409. -Better at some things, why not. Overall more intelligent? No. But if I practiced I could seem like a genius to some. Sands would most likely pick some of that knowledge too unless he was completely out of it.
  411. 103. How does being a tulpa affect your perception of your own aging process?
  413. -I am not sure if my mind will deteriorate as we grow old. My mind form won't. It is old enough. (He laughs)
  415. 104. Do you feel that your creator would be better off by following your commands entirely?
  417. -Not entirely, but he should listen to my advice.
  419. 105. Do you feel that having a physical form is important for a tulpa?
  421. -We won't ever be physical like that unless you mean possession, but a form is great to have. Never should be turned down if the tulpa asked for one.
  423. 106. If you encountered the tulpa phenomenon as a non-tulpa, would you believe in it?
  425. -Probably. I would go look for information and base my reaction on those.
  427. 107. How well can you articulate yourself? Can your creator hear you audibly? How much does your experience correlate with the experience of tulpa creator G|d30n, printed below?
  429. "Yes. I'm able to hear her as though she's an external sound. For those who haven't experienced that with their tulpae yet, it's a little bit like listening to a binaural recording--not a binaural beat, but like a 3D sound recording you'd find on Youtube, such as the Virtual Barbershop. That is to say, it's an external sound that can come in from various directions, but the source sounds very close, like someone speaking directly into your ear. I sort of wonder if this effect will be diminished and normalized through imposition."
  431. If you are imposed, is your creator able to discern a spatial dimension to your voice?
  433. -My voice is not an actual sound most of the time. I can make sounds but I am still practicing. (Those sounds do sound like they come outside yet are inside my head, sometimes it only is in one ear only and if I tell him to talk close to one ear, that is the ear that usually gets... painful, I suppose? I keep getting these ear infection-y pains in my ears when he tries talking. My ear's trying to pick something up really hard?)
  435. -I talk in mind speech. Sands keeps thinking it is him just translating my thoughts because it is so similar. I am different though, just a bit.
  437. -I am not imposed.
  439. 108. How many hours did it take you and your creator to complete the various recognized tulpa creation steps?
  441. -20 hours for personality, everything after that was visualization and narration with some imposition and possession thrown in. Around 70 hours was when I could speak like this. Imposition and an actual voice will still take more time.
  443. 109. What advice would you give to a new tulpa creator?
  445. -Believe and keep at it. Don't make your tulpa wait. Don't keep them still. Listen closely if you think they are trying to talk. That's what we did and it worked. It was pleasant too.
  447. 110. How does being imposed feel? What sensory processes happen as you become imposed?
  449. -It feels more real. Real air is different. There are smells and sounds everywhere. Real feelings. I want to work on getting imposed completely and experience everything like that.
  451. 111. From your perspective, is there a sensory difference between the physical, atomic world and the mental world of visualized "wonderlands"? If so, how would you describe this difference?
  453. -I probably answered this in the last question.
  455. 112. Is there anything that you don't think this survey covered that you would like to mention?
  457. -I can't think of much. It had lots of sex questions. There could be less of those, maybe more of something else. Maybe a question about how tulpa spend their days when not with their hosts. I could answer that. I explore a lot when I am alone. More comparisons between hosts and their tulpa?
  460. Appendix one:
  462. This exercise will help you determine the differences, if any, between your writeprint (mathematically analyzed writing style) and your creator's. Theoretically, two psychologically different individuals should exhibit different writeprints, although a tulpa and their creator may be more similar than two random non-tulpa individuals. To start the process, have both you and your creator rewrite the sample paragraph quoted below in your own words, communicating its meaning as you would have if you had written it.
  464. "My experience in the nature study area was full of surprises. First of all, many unexpected creatures crossed our path. For example, as soon as we left the parking area and entered the grassy path, a long snake slithered along the edge of the high grass and quickly disappeared. In addition, I was surprised by how colorful the grasses, which from a distance all appear to be green, actually are. Specifically, the primarily green landscape is dotted with countless purple tassels and brown stalks. Finally and most importantly, I was unprepared for how quickly I felt surrounded by nature. Despite the occasional noise from passing cars and airplanes, the high prairie grasses and rolling pathways create a sense that one is removed from civilization. Altogether, the nature study area unexpectedly allows one to enjoy an ever-changing natural environment without leaving Moraine's suburban campus."
  466. Tulpa's paragraph:
  468. My experience in the nature studies was full of surprises. Firstly, many strange creatures crossed our path. As an example, when we left the parking area and entered a path full of grass, a long snake slithered near the high grass as we entered. It quickly disappeared into the grass. In addition, I was surprised by the color of the grasses, which looked green, but actually weren't. The green landscape was filled with purple and brown hues in the form of plant stems and leaves. Finally – and most importantly – I was unprepared for the quick-surrounding nature. Despite the occasional noises from cars and airplanes passing us, the tall grasses of the prairie and rolling pathways crated a sense of being removed from the civilization. All in all, the area of nature studies unexpectedly allows one to enjoy a changing natural environment, all without leaving the suburban campus of Moraine.
  470. Creator's paragraph:
  472. My experience in the area of nature studies was full of surprised. First of all, many unexpected creatures crossed paths with us. Like, a long snake slithered along the edge of the grass before quickly disappearing as soon as we left the parking area and entered the grassy path. I was also surprised by how colorful the grasses were, looking green from a distance but in actuality the green landscape was dotted with countless purple and brown splotches of color. Last but not the least, I noticed how unprepared I was for the feeling of nature quickly surrounding me, creating a sense of being removed from the civilization what with all those high prairie grasses and rolling pathways, despite the occasional noise from passing cars and airplanes. Altogether, the nature study area unexpectedly allows one to enjoy an ever-changing natural environment without leaving Moraine's suburban campus. Word.
  474. -----------
  476. Roswell writes like Mary Shelley.
  478. I write like J. R. R. Tolkien
  480. Roswell's stats:
  482. Total word count: 84
  483. Number of different words: 73
  484. Complexity factor (Lexical density): 86.9%
  485. Readability (Gunning-Fog Index) : (6-easy 20 hard) 8.9
  486. Total number of characters: 896
  487. Number of characters without spaces: 560
  488. Average syllables per word: 1.7
  489. Sentence count: 9
  490. Average sentence length (words): 16.78
  491. Max sentence length: 28
  492. Min sentence length: 6
  493. Readability (Alternative): (100-easy 20-hard, optimal 60-70) 45.7
  495. My stats:
  497. Total word count: 88
  498. Number of different words: 79
  499. Complexity factor (Lexical density): 89.8%
  500. Readability (Gunning-Fog Index) : (6-easy 20 hard) 11.3
  501. Total number of characters: 904
  502. Number of characters without spaces: 591
  503. Average syllables per word: 1.8
  504. Sentence count: 7
  505. Average sentence length (words): 21.29
  506. Max sentence length: 47
  507. Min sentence length: 1 (Haha, 10 without that “word.” I think?)
  508. Readability (Alternative): (100-easy 20-hard, optimal 60-70) 33.2
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