Hillariously Useless Facts

Fact One: You are more likely to die on your way to buy a lottery ticket than to win the lottery.
Fact Two: Nudists are never attractive.
Fact Three: Men go through 3 stages: Drinking from boobs, staring at boobs, and growing boobs.
Fact Four: Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in the jeans.
Fact Five: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Fact Six: Wearing two pairs of 3D glasses allows you to see into the sixth dimension.
Fact Seven: Therapy is expensive, bubble wrap is cheap.
Fact Eight: Every time a girl gets a new boyfriend, an older brother buys a new nerf gun.
Fact Nine: Say something rude about a white person, nothing. Say something rude about a black person, you're racist.
Fact Ten: Every sound you hear at night is a serial killer.
Fact Eleven: Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
Fact Twelve: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, a hipster probably bought the soundtrack.
Fact Thirteen: The #1 cause of death in a Disney movie is being a mother.
Fact Fourteen: If you give a mouse a cookie, he will want a glass of milk. If you give a teenage boy a marker, he will draw a penis.
Fact Fifteen: Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live the longest.
Fact Sixteen: 69% of people can find something dirty in every sentence.
Fact Seventeen: More people would read the Bible if it were called The Adventures of Jesus and Friends.
Fact Eighteen: Marriage is the number one cause for divorce.
Fact Nineteen: "Yesterday was Thursday, today is Friday, tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards." - Song Friday By Rebecca Black
Fact Twenty: If facebook ever shut down you would see people roaming the streets shoving pictures in peoples faces screaming "Do you like this?! DO YOU?!"
Fact Twenty One: Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Fact Twenty Two: The existence of Hogwarts has never been proven false.
Fact Twenty Three: Friends are like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
Fact Twenty Four: Dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel.
Fact Twenty Five: The days you don't have time to shower are the days you will run into everyone you know.
Fact Twenty Six: 99% of the male population is attractive in some way. The other 1% go to your school.
Fact Twenty Seven: 5 out of 4 people struggle with fractions.
Fact Twenty Eight: "The problem with quotes found on the internet is that they're not always accurate." - Abraham Lincoln.
Fact Twenty Nine: If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other.
Fact Thirty: If your parents never have kids, there is a good chance that you won't either.
Fact Thirty One: If a guy doesn't like you, obviously it's because he is gay.
Fact Thirty Two: Facebook makes you hate the friends you have. Twitter makes you love people you don't know.
Fact Thirty Three: At some point in time, you have tried to see if you have super powers.
Fact Thirty Four: Anyone who says there's no such thing as a stupid question, has obviously never worked in customer service.
Fact Thirty Seven: A world without bears would be unbearable.
Fact Thirty Eight: Adding a winky face can make anything sound dirty. ;)
Fact Thirty Nine: Girls are like trees, they hate axe.
Fact Forty: The older you get, the more you understand the dirty innuendos of Spongebob Squarepants.
Fact Forty One: The better you feel about a test, the lower your actual grade.
Fact FortyTwo: All credibility is lost when you make a typo in an angry text message.
Fact FortyThree: No matter where you go, there will be at least one person that makes you want to punch them in the face.
Fact Forty Four: They call the candy "Fun Size" because "Smaller than Normal" sounds depressing.
Fact Forty Five: Your parents never took your dog to go live on a farm.
Fact Forty Six: A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel good.
Fact Forty Seven: Two wrongs don't make a right. However, two Wrights do make an airplane.
Fact FortyEight: People who snore always fall asleep before those who don't.
Fact FortyNine: The moment your mother describes an outfit as 'cute' it will lose its appeal.
Fact Fifty: By reading this you have given me brief control of your mind.
Fact Fifty One: The only thing worse than diarrhea, is trying to have diarrhea quietly in a public restroom.
Fact Fifty Two: Turtles can breathe through their butts.
Fact Fifty Three:  You will always feel awkward when your dog sees you naked.
Fact Fifty Four: If Annie doesn't respond within the first 3 times, she's probably not okay.
Fact Fifty Five: When you take a long time in the bathroom at school, everybody knows you pooped.
Fact Forty Six: A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel good.
Fact Forty Seven: Two wrongs don't make a right. However, two Wrights do make an airplane.
Fact FortyEight: People who snore always fall asleep before those who don't.
Fact FortyNine: The moment your mother describes an outfit as 'cute' it will lose its appeal.
Fact Fifty: By reading this you have given me brief control of your mind.
Fact Fifty One: The only thing worse than diarrhea, is trying to have diarrhea quietly in a public restroom.
Fact Fifty Two: Turtles can breathe through their butts.
Fact Fifty Three:  You will always feel awkward when your dog sees you naked.
Fact Fifty Four: If Annie doesn't respond within the first 3 times, she's probably not okay.
Fact Fifty Five: When you take a long time in the bathroom at school, everybody knows you pooped.
Fact Fifty Six: In Eureka Nevada, it is against the law for Men who wear moustaches, to kiss women.
Fact Fifty Seven: In San Francisco California, it is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.
Fact Fifty Eight: In Clawson Michigan, it is legal for a farmer to "sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats and chickens."
Fact Fifty Nine: In Arkansas a man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
Fact Sixty: In New York City, It is disorderly conduct for one man to greet another on the street by placing the end of his thumb against the tip of his nose, at the same time extending and wiggling the fingers of his hand.
Fact Sixty One: 8=D 99% of people thinks this is a penis.
Fact Sixty Two: You will never need to go to the bathroom as badly as when you're fumbling with your belt buckle.
Fact Sixty Three: A British narrator can make any documentary awesome.
Fact Sixty Four: If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
Fact Sixty Five: The moment you are comfortable enough to go to sleep is the same moment you have the urge to pee.
Fact Sixty Six: There are zero calories in the center of a doughnut.
Fact Sixty Seven: Nobody ever reads the rules for Monopoly except when an argument breaks out.
Fact Sixty Eight: If someone is yelling "I would never hurt you," or something of that nature, while chasing you with an ax, gun or some other kind of weapon, they're lying.
Fact Sixty Nine: It is scientifically proven that you are always born on your birthday.
Fact Seventy: The sneakier you try to be, the more noise you make.
Fact Seventy One: The moment you buy something full price, it will go on sale.
Fact Seventy Two: No matter how crazy you think your idea is, the Japanese have already made a game show out of it.
Fact Seventy Three: Guns don't kill people, people with mustaches kill people.
Fact Seventy Four: Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
Fact Seventy Five: Complimenting a girl on her necklace is the best way to look at her boobs without getting slapped.
Fact Seventy Six: You and Taylor Swift will never ever get back together.
Fact Seventy Seven: For blind people it's always a blind date.
Fact Seventy Eight: The way to a man's heart isn't through his stomach. It's through his chest with a sharp object.
Fact Seventy Nine: Skinny jeans are like calories. Easy to put on, impossible to take off.
Fact Eighty: If you stare at the sun for 5 minutes, it'll go away.
Specialty Fact One: Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Specialty Fact Two: Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Specialty Fact Three: Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Specialty Fact Four: A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Specialty Fact Five: When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Specialty Fact Six: Chuck Norris writes on pencils with paper
Specialty Fact Seven: Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Specialty Fact Eight: Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Specialty Fact Nine: Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Specialty Fact Ten: Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Fact Eighty One: Studies show that childlessness is hereditary.
Fact Eighty Two: When dropped, the 5 second rule can be applied to babies too.
Fact Eighty Three: Relationships aren't real unless they're announced on Facebook.
Fact Eighty Four: Math puns are the first sine of madness.
Fact Eighty Five: There's no such thing as an automatic door, just gentlemen ninjas.
Fact Eighty Six: Whenever you have to pee really badly, you will be wearing an item of clothing that is nearly impossible to get off.
Fact Eighty Seven: Your calendar will always have more dates than you.
Fact Eighty Eight: The slowness of the car in front of you is directly proportional to how late you are.
Fact Eighty Nine: To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.
Fact Ninety: Blind people will never see things your way.
Fact Ninety One: Hamburgers contain no ham.
Fact Ninety Two: All relief you get from letting out a fart completely disappears when you realize it was more than a fart.
Fact Ninety Three: Gym class is school's idea of public humiliation.
Fact Ninety Four: Friends are like snowflakes. When you pee on them, they disappear.
Fact Ninety Five: The more homework you have to do, the more ways you will find to distract yourself on the internet.
Fact Ninety Six: If you talk to God you're religous, if God talks to you you're schizophrenic.
Fact Ninety Seven: Everyone at one point was the youngest person alive.
Fact Ninety Eight: 5 minutes early for bus, bus is 15 minutes late. 2 minutes late for bus, bus is 5 minutes early.
Fact Ninety Nine: The more times you apologize the more likely it is that you're Canadian.
Fact One Hundred: A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.
Fact One Hundred One: Girls have a higher risk of getting pregnant than boys.
Fact One Hundred Two: Boys have a higher risk of getting a girl pregnant than Girls.
Fact One Hundred Three: If it's cold enough to wear uggs, it's not hot enough to wear booty shorts.
Fact One Hundred Four: Phone sex is the number one cause of hearing-aids.
Fact One Hundred Five: Boys are 10 times more attractive when they have a girlfriend.
Fact One Hundred Six: Friends are like boobs, some are big, some are small, some are real while some are fake.
Fact One Hundred Seven: Doing drugs is like a doing a harmonica solo. You feel really cool, but you really just look like an idiot.
Fact One Hundred Eight: "I have diarrhea" is the only good answer to the question, "Are you ticklish?"
Fact One Hundred Nine: A secret admirer is always cute and romantic until you find out who it is.
Fact One Hundred Ten: Life is like a box of chocolates, when you're morbidly obese, it doesn't last long.
Fact One Hundred Eleven: Family vacations would be much more fun with out the family.
Fact One Hundred Twelve: 90% of girls who wear yoga pants don't actually do yoga.
Fact One Hundred Thirteen: During exams, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.
Fact One Hundred Fourteen: The only joy greater than seeing blue toilet water, is peeing in it to make it green.
Fact One Hundred Fifteen: You can blame absolutely everything on your parents. It's either genetics, or how they raised you.
Fact One Hundred Sixteen: The truth will set you free. Unless you're a murderer.
Fact One Hundred Seventeen: You know you are sick, when your clothes become tissues.
Fact One Hundred Eighteen: You can grow up to be anything you want... except an astronaut, we got rid of those.
Fact One Hundred Nineteen: Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out.
Fact One Hundred Twenty: By the time your parents are brave enough to give you the talk, you will already know everything there is to know about sex.
Fact #126: Turning on all the lights in the house when thinking that there is someone trying to kill you is only going to make you an easier target.
Fact #127: Helen Keller was not allowed a driver's license. Its because she was a woman.
Fact #128: You know you're getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
Fact #129: Men like what they see. Women like what they hear. That's why men lie and women wear makeup.
Fact #130: Not every person with a mustache is a pedophile, but every pedophile has a mustache.
Fact #131: Driving makes you hate people.
Fact #132: The more calories a food has, the better it tastes.
Fact #133: The day which you choose to wear the most unattractive piece of clothing you own will be the day you meet the most attractive person you know.
Fact #134: Friends are like cucumbers. Once you have sex with them, you never want to see them again.
Fact #135: 1 bad relationship, is the leading cause of women hating all men.
Fact #136: Everything you do is 100 times louder when you're in the library.
Fact #137: Spiders are scarier when they disappear.
Fact #138: You can never breathe normally whenever you think about breathing normally.
Fact #139: Hair gel was invented in order to make douche bags more identifiable from a distance.
Fact #140: Once your parents leave the driveway, every closet in the house holds a waiting murderer.
Fact #141: The mosquito in your bedroom is never visible and only audible when you are almost asleep.
Fact #142: Lord Voldemort's nose was longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage.
Fact #143: It is impossible to casually snack on carrots in a quiet room.
Fact #144: No one questions where life gets all its lemons from.
Fact #145: A man will never be attacked in the shower during a horror film.
Fact #146: No matter how loud you blast your music, you will never look cool in a minivan.
Fact #147: No one is as disturbed as they should be by the fact that the prince in Snow White had to kiss a corpse in the middle of the woods surrounded by seven midgets.
Fact #148: You're not what you eat. A cannibal who eats a vegetarian, is not a vegetarian...
Fact #149: Scoring well on a grading curve is like outrunning a bear. You don't have to be fast, just the fastest.
Fact #150: Pinatas are victims of child abuse.
Fact #151: You will always have to pee the minute you've left your house.
Fact #152: There are far too many fat gym teachers.
Fact #153: Drunk drivers will blow past a stop sign. Stoned drivers will stop and wait for it to turn green.
Fact #154: Your lemonade is made with artificial flavoring and your dish soap is made with real lemons.
Fact #155: It's impossible to say "good eye might" without sounding Australian.
Fact #156: The only good mornings are the ones that start in the afternoon.
Fact #157: The average human has enough bones to make a skeleton.
Fact #158: The ultimate test of self control is sitting next to bubble wrap and leaving it alone.
Fact #159: If snakes hiss at you, they want you to pet them.
Fact #160: We kill people who kill people because killing people is bad.
Fact #161: There are two types of teenagers in high school; those who are obsessed with acting like little kids again, and those who are obsessed with the process of making little kids.
Fact #162: What you don't know won't kill you, unless it's your allergen information.
Fact #163: The likelihood of a guy being a dick is directly proportional to how high his shorts go.
Fact #164: Banging your head against a wall can burn up to 150 calories per hour.
Fact #165: Few women admit their age, fewer men act theirs.
Fact #166: Lesbians are not attracted to men. Gay men are not attracted to women. Bisexual men and women are attracted to everyone.
Fact #167:You are living proof that your parents had sex.
Fact #168: Life is like a game of Mario Bros. Except you only get one life, and the psychedelic mushrooms are illegal.
Fact #169: Parents will always think "I'm bored" means "I want to do chores."
Fact #170: A pessimist is always alone. An optimist is always two people away from a threesome.
Fact #171: The 5 second rule does not apply to dropping babies.
Fact #172:  "False information" spelled backwards is "false information."
Fact #173:  You are 15 times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you
Fact #174: If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
Fact #175: If you want someone to touch you, tell them you're not ticklish.
Fact #176: The Italian word for "evil" is "male."
Fact #177: The world is round, therefore, it has no point.
Fact #178:  The show you're watching is completely G rated until your parents walk in.
Fact #179:  A woman can say another woman is sexy, but the moment a man says another man is sexy, you begin to question their sexuality.
Fact #180: Two women making out is considered "hot". Two men making out is considered "gross"
Fact #181: Draco Malfoy's best comeback will always involve ensuring his father hears about whatever you just did.
Fact #182:  Life has never given anyone lemons.
Fact #183: Dyslexics have more nuf.
Fact #184: Everything you learn after 5th grade is completely pointless, but your teachers will try to convince you otherwise.
Fact #185: You are what you eat. For example, if you eat a cannibal, then you are a cannibal.
Fact #186: Made in China stickers are made in Korea.
Fact #187: If you are one in a million, there are six thousand people just like you.
Fact #188: Everything is 10 times more annoying if you hate the person doing it.
Fact #189: If you take time to smell the roses, sooner or later you'll inhale a bee and die.
Fact #190: Microwave minutes are longer than actual minutes.
Fact #191: Everyone is an animal lover. It just depends if you like your animals alive, or on your plate.
Fact #192: The morning you need to be at work early is the morning your alarm clock will not go off.
Fact #193: Alcohol gives you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your ability to do so.
Fact #194: Food always tastes better if you don't have to make or clean it up.
Fact #195: Parents may have had to do their homework without Wikipedia, but they also didn't have Facebook.
Fact #196: The orange and green Fruit Loops are secretly Apple Jacks.
Fact #197: Far too many fairy tale princes go around kissing dead or sleeping women.
Fact #198: Working in retail will make you despise humanity.
Fact #199: If you eat crayons, you'll poop rainbows.
Fact #200: There is nothing hotter to a teenage girl than a foreign guy with an accent.
Fact #201: Waiters will ALWAYS ask you how your meal is when you've just stuffed your mouth. So all you're able to do is thumbs up and nod.
Fact #202: If a couple in love are called Love Birds, then a couple who've fought should be called Angry Birds.
Fact #203: Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Fact #204: You don't look as awesome as you feel when you walk down the street listening to awesome music.
Fact #205: Residents always drive 10 miles over the speed limit, tourists always drive 10 under.
Fact #206: Staying home alone is only fun if there is an abundance of your favorite food waiting.
Fact #207:Being overweight is all gravity's fault.
Fact #208: Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
Fact #209: People will always remember the crazy unexpected things you did in school, not your accomplishments.
Fact #210: The "i" before "e' rule is weird.
Fact #211: Studies show that childlessness is hereditary.
Fact #212: You will start liking the guy who likes you as soon as he gives up on you and gets a girlfriend.
Fact #213: You will never have to go to the bathroom more than when your roommate just got in the shower.
Fact #214: Girl playing with hair, stupid. Boy playing with beard, wise.
Fact #215: Your mom will always decide to vacuum during climactic parts in whatever you're watching.
Fact #216: The one day you miss school is the day the class watches a movie.
Fact #217: What happens in Vegas, stays on Youtube.
Fact #218: Mascara is only waterproof when trying to take it off.
Fact #219: You will always fail when trying to show someone something you just did perfectly.
Fact #220: Everyone eats about a cup of dirt in their lifetime. Go eat one now to get it over with.
Fact #221: Your spoon will always tip over your pudding cup when you finish it.
Fact #222: You can never have too many cats, or too many outfits to dress them in.
Fact #223: You will always sniff something that someone describes as disgusting.
Fact #224: Once you go Asian, you never miss an equation...
Fact #225: If you put the word sexy infront of something, you can automatically charge $10 more.
Fact #226: No one is watching unless you really mess up.
Fact #227: Wearing socks with sandals is only acceptable when wearing a fanny pack.
Fact #228: If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, that means one enjoys it.
Fact #229: It is impossible to look attractive while blowing your nose.
Fact #230: The Spongebob macoroni and cheese will always taste better.
Fact #231: At the end of the day, life goes on. Unless you die...
Fact #232: A watched phone never receives a message.
Fact #233: Volkswagen invented the Beetle so people could have an excuse to punch strangers.
Fact #234: Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard.
Fact #235: Only 23% of people who watch exercise videos do so for their intended purpose.
Fact #236: Wisdom comes with age, but so does memory loss.
Fact #237: Wisdom comes with age, but so does memory loss.
Fact #238: The later it gets the more interesting the internet is.
Fact #239: Cigarettes can cause health problems, especially true if extinguished in one's eye.
Fact #240: Cursive isn't as useful as elementary teachers said it would be.
Fact #251: Dyslexia turns me no.
Fact #252: Twilight is a story of a girl falling in love with her stalker. There's still hope for you.
Fact #253: Sarah McLachlan is the leading cause of changing channels.
Fact #254: Everything tastes better with ranch dressing, except for a lot of things.
Fact #255: Rehab is for quitters.
Fact #256: You will always feel significantly better when you arrive at the doctor's office.
Fact #257: When you know the remote battery is dead, you press the buttons harder.
Fact #258: Karma is actually really nice you just have to get to know her.
Fact #259: The likelihood of a guy being a jerk is directly proportional to how low he wears his pants.
Fact #260: Whenever you lose your phone, it's going to be on either vibrate or silent.
Fact #251: The best part about cleaning your room is finding money you didn't remember you had.
Fact #252: Every time you see an overweight person in a wheelchair, you will now wonder if that person is overweight because they're in a wheelchair, or are in a wheelchair because they're overweight.
Fact #253: If we all were offended by every joke someone told, we wouldn't have any jokes to tell.
Fact #254: You will know song lyrics after one time hearing them. You won't know the answers on a test you studied hours for.
Fact #255: You will always realize there is no toilet paper in the stall you're in after it's too late.
Fact #256: Your parents will always treat your friends better than they treat you.
Fact #257: It is socially acceptable for women to call each other bitches & sluts. But it is "NOT" ok for men to do it.
Fact #258: When they told America to fight hunger, America started eating.
Fact #259: The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Fact #260: You will always walk into your school's bathroom hoping to be the only person there.
Fact #261: You will inevitably make a grammar mistake while pointing out someone else's grammar mistake.
Fact #262: Six out of seven dwarves aren't Happy.
Fact #263: There is no classy way to eat a taco.
Fact #264: There are some things in life that you just can't explain, for everything else there's Google.
Fact #265: With garden shears and lots of determination, every car is a convertible.
Fact #266: China is the world's largest producer of American flags.
Fact #267: Sugar is the only English word that begins with "su" and makes the "sh" sound. I am sure of it.
Fact #268: When you're little and fall down, you cry. When you're a teenager and fall down, you laugh. When you're old and fall down, you die.
Fact #269: Going to the fast food place after the gym doesn't defeat the purpose, it justifies the cause.
Fact #270: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Fact #271: There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Fact #272: Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Fact #273: The nursery rhymes "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", "Baa Baa Black Sheep" and "The ABCs" have the same tune.
Fact #274: You just sang the nursery rhymes to figure out if it was true.
Fact #275: Escalators can never break down, they are only temporarily stairs.
Fact #276: Your alarm clock will always go off when your dream is about to get really good.
Fact #277: The more you need to study, the nicer the weather is.
Fact #278: The less you sleep, the more your tired. The more you sleep, the more your tired.
Fact #279:If you tell a girl something, you might as well scream it through a megaphone. It's faster that way.
Fact #280: Your parents only ever ask you questions when you have your headphones in.
Fact #281: When there is a will, there are 500 relatives.
Fact #282: When leprechauns die, they turn into Lucky Charms.
Fact #283: That hilarious joke you just read will be the most boring thing in the world once you tell it to your friends.
Fact #284: If people didn't exist, unicorns would.
Fact #285: Adding "and then we made out" will make every story sound ten times cooler.
Fact #286: It's not the destination that's important, it's the Journey song that plays over your travel montage.
Fact #287: There are 3 levels of pain: pain, excruciating pain, and stepping on a Lego.
Fact #288: Highly condensed, and crystalized carbon is a girls best friend.
Fact #289: Taylor Swift doesn't know how Romeo and Juliet ended.
Fact #290: You will spend more time looking for your remote than the time it would take to manually change the channel.
Fact #291: Putting on a seat belt will be ten times more difficult when an attractive person is in the car.
Fact #292: An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
Fact #293: Calling a teacher "Mom" will end with awkward silence.
Fact #294: The rate of boys getting boners in calss is inversely proportionate to the hotness of the female teacher.
Fact #295: Whatever doesn't work will magically be fixed as soon as you try to prove to someone that it is broken.
Fact #296: Forgiveness sounds like screaming, and then silence.
Fact #297: People will always ask you a question right after you put food in your mouth.
Fact #298: Food always tastes better when someone else cooks it for you.
Fact #299: No matter how much popcorn, candy or soda you buy, it will always be gone by the time the movie actually starts.
Fact #300: No matter how humorous something was, when it's retold, nobody thinks it's as funny.
Fact #301: No one is as ugly as their drivers license picture, or as good-looking as their Facebook profile picture.
Fact #302: The length of a minute depends entirely on what side of the bathroom door you are on.
Fact #303: Four people are admitted to British hospitals every year due to biscuit related injuries.
Fact #304: Politicians, like diapers, should be changed often; and for the same reason. (they are full of shit)
Fact #305: No matter what you order at a restaurant, someone elses food will look better.
Fact #306: Everyone at one point was the youngest person alive.
Fact #307: Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Fact #308: People in Superman movies are very amazed about birds and planes.
Fact #309: Your cleavage will always catch more food than your mouth will.
Fact #310: If a girl turns you down, she must be a lesbian.
Fact #311: Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream.
Fact #312: 10 out of 10 people die.
Fact #313: Ignorance is a renewable resource.
Fact #314: On average, humans have one testicle.
Fact #315: There’s no panic like trying to press "End Call" when you make an accidental call.
Fact #316: It is illegal to name a pig Napoleon in France.
Fact #317: When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Fact #318: Boys will always love you. Well, parts of you.
Fact #319: Girls will always love you. Well at least parts of you.
Fact #320: Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
Fact #321: Chances are, most of your cash has been in a stripper's bra.
Fact #322: It is impossible to look sexy while eating spaghetti.
Fact #323: "Googling yourself" is never going to sound like anything but a euphemism.
Fact #324: If you have trouble peeing, urine trouble.
Fact #325: It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Fact #326: There is no appropriate response when someone tells you that you say "Sorry" too much.
Fact #327: I'm great in bed. I can sleep for days.
Fact #328: The brain is the most important organ in the body... according to the brain.
Fact #329: If Africa eats America, most of world hunger AND obesity will disappear.
Fact #330: Give a man a gun, he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank, he can rob the world.
Fact #331: As soon as you hold a Sharpie marker in your hand, you automatically want to draw on everything.
Fact #332: A computer without internet is like a person without a soul.
Fact #333: You cannot walk aggressively in wet flip flops.
Fact #334: If someone builds an idiot-proof system, nature builds a better idiot.
Fact #335: You just broke your record for most days lived.
Fact #336: Glue sticks work just as well as Chap Stick.
Fact #337: If you look on the bright side for too long, you'll go blind.
Fact #338: He who laughs last probably wasn't listening, and is only laughing because everyone else is.
Fact #339: More people would rather go to Hogwarts than Harvard.
Fact #340: There is a ninja standing behind you right now.
Fact #341: Chemistry jokes are sodium funny
Fact #342: Keys open doors, but bricks open windows.
Fact #343: When life gives you lemons, chop the crap out of them. They're worth a lot of points in Fruit Ninja.
Fact #344: Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're going to have to work.
Fact #345: The app on your friend's iPhone will lose all appeal after you buy it yourself.
Fact #346: No matter how much you try to prevent it, the toaster will always scare you when the toast pops out.
Fact #347: Jumping off a cliff doesn't kill you, it's actually the sudden stop at the bottom.
Fact #348: "Queue" is the only English word that sounds the same when the last four letters are removed.
Fact #349: There is always that one weird person in your class that is obsessed with horses.
Fact #350: You will never be able to use tin foil and plastic wrap as well as your mom.
Fact #351: You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
Fact #352: Middle school girls are the meanest people on earth.
Fact #353: You can't say "happiness" without saying "penis."
Fact #354: Sandwiches always taste better when cut into triangles.
Fact #355: We all have one favorite burner on the oven that we use more often than the others.
Fact #356: It is impossible to look sexy while yawning.
Fact #357: laughter is the best medecine... except for treating dhiarrea
Fact #358: If you can't say "something nice", you might need speech therapy.
Fact #359: When someone walks across the room for what seems like no reason, they are farting.
Fact #360: Even if you swear it's there, a fruit fly will always make others question your sanity.
Fact #361: If you can read this, you can read.
Fact #362: At one point in history it required talent to become a singer.
Fact #363: Not all men are jerks, some are dead.
Fact #364: Guns don't kill people, gaping holes in vital organs kill people.
Fact #365: If you take the vowels out of boys, you have "BS." If you take the vowels out of female, you have "FML."
Fact #366: "Euthanasia" and "youth in Asia" are two TOTALLY different things.
Fact #367: "strap-on" spelled backwards is "no-parts."
Fact #368: Killing an unborn human is called an abortion. Killing an unborn chicken is called an omelet.
Fact #369: Toilet paper sales went down when push-up bras came out.
Fact #370: If a boy says he loves animals and hates watching sports, he wants to sleep with you.
Fact #371: Most people are like Slinkies, relatively useless, but fun to push down stairs.
Fact #372: Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters; harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
Fact #373: They say you are what you eat... but I don't recall eating a sexy beast today.
Fact #374: The Amish will never read this.
Fact #375: The Pope is the oldest virgin in the world.
Fact #376: If at first you don't succeed, sky-diving is not for you.
Fact #377: English teachers put more thought into the book than the author does.
Fact #378: Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy marshmallows, which is pretty much the same thing.
Fact #379: Most rioting in the world happens in the countries with the least bacon.
Fact #380: It's called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Fact #381: If you're cooler than me, that makes me hotter than you
Fact #382: The male version of a cougar is a pedophile.
Fact #383: Tina Fey would make a better president than Sarah Palin.
Fact #384: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
Fact #385: If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.
Fact #386: When rearranged, "mother in law" spells "woman hitler."
Fact #387: Sea levels aren't rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking...
Fact #388: There's nothing more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.
Fact #389: If Hershey bars printed "You're pretty" on the inside of its wrappers, they would fully replace boyfriends.
Fact #390: Menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns… All of a woman’s problems begin with men.
Fact #391: High School is nothing like Glee.
Fact #392: Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.
Fact #393: Condoms prevent minivans.
Fact #394: Luke Skywalker is more disturbed about Darth Vader being his father than knowing he made out with his sister.
Fact #395: Claustrophobic homosexuals have a hard time staying in the closet.
Fact #396: Parents spend the first 10 years of a kid's life getting them into bed, the second 10 years getting their kid out of bed and the third 10 years wondering whose bed their kid is in.
Fact #397: Having sex on an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Fact #398: Rockabye Baby is a song about a baby that falls off a tree and dies.
Fact #399: A video of humans having sex is pornography. A video of animals having sex is a documentary.
Fact #400: When you have a fat friend, there are no such things as see-saws, only catapults.
Fact #401: People that say you can't have your cake and eat it too, clearly do not understand what you're supposed to do with cake.
Fact #402: When men don't shave for a while it's rugged and masculine. When women don't shave for a while it's rugged and masculine.
Fact #403: We are all time traveling into the future at normal speed.
Fact #404: Swedish Fish are manufactured in Canada.
Fact #405: Without stupid people, no one would be smart.
Fact #406: Cannibals get fed up with each other.
Fact #407: The real message of The Wizard of Oz is that, with the right pair of heels, a girl can get whatever she wants.
Fact #408: No matter how hard you try to emphasize your sarcasm, someone will always take you seriously.
Fact #409: There is a place in Norway called Hell. It regularly freezes over.
Fact #410: Bald people never have bad hair days.
Fact #411: For cannibals, all fights are food fights.
Fact #412: If today was really opposite day, we would all be dead.
Fact #413: It's only a matter of time before Ke$ha makes an entire album revolving around glitter and liver failure.
Fact #414: If a laugh is a smile having an orgasm, a chuckle is a smile faking it.
Fact #415: Being sleepy is like being drunk, everything seems funnier and nothing makes sense.
Fact #416: More people would drink responsibly if there was a vodka called "Responsibly."
Fact #417: I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, however none of them really work...
Fact #418: 100% of human beings have tried to fly on a broomstick.
Fact #419: Tragically, Girl Scout cookies are not made from real Girl Scouts.
Fact #420: Girls want a lot of things from one guy, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
Fact #421: Pregnancy is the world's most celebrated STD.
Fact #422: There's a difference between a butt-dial and a booty call.
Fact #423: Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Fact #424: Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Fact #425: When crumbs fall down your shirt they've been boobie trapped.
Fact #426: Women think small things are cute... unless it's a penis.
Fact #427: If at first you don't succeed, at least you can get off with attempted murder.
Fact #428: There are much more productive things that you could be doing right now.
Fact #429: If we were skinny, rich, and pretty like celebrities, we'd tell everyone else to love themselves too.
Fact #430: I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Fact #431: Laziness is the mother of all bad habits. But ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her.
Fact #432: You will never be too old to be embarrassed by your parents.
Fact #433: Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive.
Fact #434: You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. Especially if your a man.
Fact #435: Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms, they will run away.
Fact #436: There are never pizza delivery girls....
Fact #437: Teachers call it, "going to the bathroom," students call it, "this is boring, I'm leaving..."
Fact #438: You will start liking the guy who likes you as soon as he gives up on you and gets a girlfriend.
Fact #439: Nobody works on labor day.
Fact #440: They say friendship is a ship that can never be sunk. They said the same thing about the Titanic.
Fact #441: Marriage is like a tornado at first there is a lot of sucking and blowing, but in the end you lose your house anyway.
Fact #442: Whatever doesn't kill you generally just isn't trying hard enough.
Fact #443: Better late than pregnant.
Fact #444: If there are free refills, there's no point in getting anything larger than a small.
Fact #445: Bikinis are the socially acceptable form of wearing underwear in public.
Fact #446: Speed doesn't kill, suddenly becoming stationary kills.
Fact #447: According to reality TV, your life isn't real...
Fact #448: Some girls spend the first 10 years of their lives playing with Barbie, and the next 10 years trying to look like her.
Fact #449: Sneezing is only cute when animals do it.
Fact #450: Say what you like about pedophiles. They're the only ones going 25 in a school zone.
Fact #451: Celebrities spend all their lives working to become someone that everyone will recognize and then spend the rest of their time in dark sunglasses and hats trying not to be recognized
Fact #452: If you wear the right colored apron, you can hand out free samples of whatever you want at the supermarket.
Fact #453: Today is the oldest you've been and the youngest you'll ever be again.
Fact #454: Life goes downhill once you stopp making blanket forts.
Fact #455: Not having a crush to stalk makes Facebook a lot more boring.
Fact #456: Men have three basic hairstlyles: parted, unparted and departed.
Fact #457: All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.
Fact #458: People that have welcome mats on their doorstep should not get upset when someone breaks into their house.
Fact #459: If a ceiling fan could support your weight you would never be bored again.
Fact #460: If it's clever, someone has already said it.
Fact #461: If you are what you eat, then everyone is fast, cheap, and easy.
Fact #462: If a girl turns you down, you didn't use enough chloroform.
Fact #463: A medium-sized soft drink at McDonald's will be the kid's size in ten years.
Fact #464: 2 of the 3 judges on America's Got Talent are British.
Fact #465: Scotch tape doesn't taste anything like Scotch.
Fact #466: "Yell for help" is not in the list of top 100 things to do before you die.
Fact #467: Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
Fact #468: Only drug dealers and software companies call their customers "users."
Fact #469: No matter where you live, the hottest people will always live somewhere else.
Fact #470: It took tens of thousands of years for humans to go from wearing no clothes to covering almost every inch of their bodies. And It's only taken about 200 years to reverse the process.
Fact #471: I'm not the praised genius that my mom convinced me I was.
Fact #472: Opposites attract, that's why it sucks to be this hot.
Fact #473 (for the teen Girls): A boy is attractive until you find out he's British, Irish, or Scottish. Then, he is 10000% more attractive.
Fact #474: I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of gravity.
Fact #475: Vegans would make terrible zombies. They would walk around saying, "GRAAAAINS."
Fact #476: P.M.S. Stands for "Pissed at Men Syndrome"
Fact #477: Your Facebook status is funny until your mom comments on it.
Fact #478: Moses would make the best lifeguard ever.
Fact #479: It's hard to convince your grandma you're not hungry.
Fact #480: Most girls say that they "aren't like most girls."
Fact #481: It's not an ABC Family show until someone gets pregnant.
Fact #482: Canadians are the only people you can make fun of without being considered racist.
Fact #483: Wealth is relative. The more wealth, the more relatives.
Fact #484: The only problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Fact #485: Nudists don't have to worry about tan lines.
Fact #486: Women wear white on their wedding day because it's the happiest day of their lives. Grooms wear black.
Fact #487: No matter how long you play tennis, you'll never be as good as a wall.
Fact #488: Birthdays are like boogers. The more you have, the harder it is for you to breathe.
Fact #489: Opinions are like orgasms. Mine matters most, and I could care less if you have one.
Fact #490: Textbooks make excellent pillows.
Fact #491: Santa is encouraging bad behavior. Coal is very valuable these days.
Fact #492: You can never fall asleep when you need to, and never stay awake when you want to.
Fact #493: If you do everything right, no one will realize you did anything at all.
Fact #494: Nerds will never go hungry. They have pi.
Fact #495: Circles are completely pointless.
Fact #496: It's a little unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice."
Fact #497: Unnecessary warnings on product are there because someone was stupid enough to do it.
Fact #498: A broken mirror is 7 years of bad luck, a broken condom is 18.
Fact #499: It's only alcoholism after you graduate college.
Fact #500: Easy Bake Ovens are not the same thing as microwaves.
Fact #501: The Wicked Witch of the West never showered.
Fact #502: The hotter you are the longer guys will listen to stories about your cat.
Fact #503: Your alarm clock is just jealous of the relationship you have with your bed.
Fact #504: Breakfast tastes better for dinner.
Fact #505: If people were as stupid as infomericals make them look, the human race would have died out a long time ago.
Fact #506: No matter what you like, there will always be some religion that is against it.
Fact #507: A bathing suit is never actually used to bathe.
Fact #508: Money can't buy happiness, but have you ever seen a homeless person skipping down the street?
Fact #509: Babies are not dishwasher safe.
Fact #510: Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
Fact #511: Volleyball is just an intense version of "Don't let the balloon touch the floor..."
Fact #512: We spend more time looking for movies on Netflix than we do watching them.
Fact #513: I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Fact #514: Residents always drive 10 miles over the speed limit, tourists always drive 10 under.
Fact #515: The washing machine has a "Hand Wash" button.
Fact #516: If a woman is wearing a seashell bra, and you go up to her and put it up to your ear, you will hear the sound of her screaming.
Fact #517: No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize a cat.
Fact #518: Math problems are like farts, the smaller ones seem better, but they're really the worst of all.
Fact #519: If you come out of high school still feeling innocent, you didn't have a social life.
Fact #520: It is impossible to be intimidating when you've got the hiccups.
Fact #521: Just because you were bitten by a spider does not mean you'll immediately start shooting webs out of your wrists.
Fact #522: You can lead an idiot to water but you need rocks to make him sink.
Fact #523: Men wear clothes. Women wear outfits.
Fact #524: Dogs have owners. Cats have slaves.
Fact #525: Waldo's mom never filed a missing person report.
Fact #526: Saying "no backsies" doesn't work with herpes...
Fact #527: When a boyfriend fights a guy for hitting on his girlfriend, he's a gentleman. When a girlfriend fights a girl for hitting on her boyfriend, she's a jealous wench.
Fact #528: All diet pills require diet and exercise in order to work.
Fact #529: Christopher Columbus is just a man who didn't ask for directions.
Fact #530: You shouldn't be afraid of falling from heights. You should be afraid of hitting the ground.
Fact #531:  Half the people you know are below average.
Fact #532: We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Fact #533: The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Fact #534: I almost had a psychic girlfriend ... but she left me before we met.
Fact #535: Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Fact #536: Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Fact #537: With braces, a meal is never just a meal. It's also a snack three hours later!
Fact #538: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Fact #539: You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Fact #540: No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
Fact #541: They're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Fact #542: We have enough “youth”. How about a fountain of “smart”?
Fact #543: You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Fact #544: Abercrombie sells clothes by showing pictures of people with no clothes on.
Fact #545: When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Fact #546: Reading while drunk is hard.
Fact #547: Its all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.
Fact #548: Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Fact #549: You know you're old when you go to your HIgh School reunion and all the handicap parking spaces fill up first.
Fact #550: A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Fact #551: 100% of non-smokers die.
Fact #552: Becoming a politician is like becoming a parent. No education is required and most people do a lousy job.
Fact #553: Life was so much easier without the 'that's what she said' joke.
Fact #554: Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Fact #555: We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Fact #556: An idiot and his money can throw one hell of a party.
Fact #557: Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two it’s an amusement park.
Fact #558: Learn from your parents’ mistakes. Use birth control.
Fact #559: God liked Saturn, so he put a ring on it.
Fact #560: Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill something.
Fact #1: At Halloween, ghosts and monsters sit around the campfire telling Chuck Norris stories...
Fact #2: They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Fact #3: The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
Fact #4: If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Fact #5: Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Fact #6: Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just called "The Islands".
Fact #7: Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Fact #8: Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Fact #9: Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Fact #10: Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
Fact #11: Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Fact #12: Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Fact #13: Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Fact #14: Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Fact #15: Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Fact #16: Chuck Norris once drowned a fish.
Fact #17: There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Fact #18: Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Fact #19: Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Fact #20: Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Fact #561: When we hear about our friend’s new job, our first reaction is to ask what we can get for free.
Fact #562: At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
Fact #563: Intelligence has not decreased. The internet has made people's stupidity more accessible.
Fact #564: There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
Fact #565: The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
Fact #566: People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
Fact #567: Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Fact #568: Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Fact #569: Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Fact #570: There is always one more idiot than you counted on.
Fact #571: A lot of things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
Fact #572: "Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it's one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
Fact #573: While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body, but men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Fact #574: No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
Fact #575: At this point journalism school probably boils down to, "Just say what everyone tweeted."
Fact #576: February was invented by landlords who wanted your rent a few days earlier than usual.
Fact #577: Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
Fact #578: Women are like iPhones. You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries, rub one ball and everything moves.
Fact #579: Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
Fact #580: Normally, having a pillow fight used to be fun, until "Memory Foam" made an appearance.
Fact #581: Being 21, only means you are legally able to do everything you have been doing since age 15.
Fact #582: If Idiots could fly, high schools would be airports
Fact #583: Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Fact #584: Heat causes things to expand, so I'm not fat; I'm just hot.
Fact #585: The difference between In-Laws and outlaws is outlaws are wanted
Fact #586: The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid people are full of confidence.
Fact #587: Guys have feelings, too. But nobody cares.
Fact #588: I can only be nice to one person today. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good, either.
Fact #589: A Woman needs four animals in her life. A mink on her back, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed and a jackass to pay for It all.
Fact #590: Let's all have a moment of silence for people who can't have a moment of silence because they have kids.
Fact #591: When you're drunk, toilets and sinks are synonymous.
Fact #592: The people in the library don't appreciate porn sites as much as you do.
Fact #593: The leading cause of death is birth.
Fact #594: The day you buy something at half price, the next day they will be buy one get one free.
Fact #595: If nobody sees you eat it, the calories don't count.
Fact #596: We buy things with money we don't have, to impress people we don't like.
Fact #597: The only difference between "cheating" and "studying" is the timing.
Fact #598: Post Partum Depression is like buyer's remorse with babies.
Fact #599: You can tell a lot about a person by looking at their car. For example, if it's lost and denying help, it's a man.
Fact #600: Teenagers want to be treated as adults on ever day except Halloween.
Fact #601: Whenever someone says "long story short", they usually end up telling you the long story.
Fact #602: Each breath you take is just someone else's diluted fart.
Fact #603: Teen pregnancies rapidly decrease after the age of 20.
Fact #604: If something were better than the leading brand, then it would be the leading brand.
Fact #605: Baby juggling is illegal in 48 states.
Fact #606: Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Fact #607: Sharing is caring. Unless you have AIDS.
Fact #608: Every marriage that doesn't end in divorce ends in death.
Fact #609: You can't talk while inhaling through your nose.
Fact #610: You just tried to do the last fact.
Special Fact #1: If you're ever held at gun point, just remember, I'm behind you 100%.
Special Fact #2: Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" assume that they did nothing, but took all the credit for it.
Special Fact #3: There are teenagers having unprotected sex, but have cases on their phones. (Just let that sink in for a moment...)
Special Fact #4: Never make an arm wrestling bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Special Fact #5: If God didn't want kids to keep their mouths shut, then he wouldn't have created glue sticks in the same shape as chap stick.
Special Fact #6:Remember: No matter how bad your life is, there is someone who has to clean the bathrooms at Taco Bell.
Special Fact #7: Eventually the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Special Fact #8: Gambling addiction hotlines would be so much more effective if every 10th caller was a winner.
Special Fact #9: Stalking is where two people go on a long, romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
Special Fact #10: If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
Specialty Fact #1: Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Specialty Fact #2: Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it
Specialty Fact #3: Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Specialty Fact #4: Once a cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Specialty Fact #5: Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
Specialty Fact #6: Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
Specialty Fact #7:Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Specialty Fact #8:When Chuck Norris finds fools' gold it automatically turns into real gold. Chuck Norris is nobody's fool.
Specialty Fact #9: Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick someone through a window without breaking the glass
Specialty Fact #10: When Chuck Norris rides into the sunset, the sun is actually running from him.
Specialty Fact #11: Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear...Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear
Specialty Fact #12: Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...
Specialty Fact #13: There is no 'Ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Specialty Fact #14: Chuck Norris wasn't born, he just got tired of wearing his mother.
Specialty Fact #15: Chuck Norris can count the number of corners in a circle.
Specialty Fact #16:Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired
Specialty Fact #17: Chuck Norris is standing right behind you while you're reading this.
Specialty Fact #18: Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas
Specialty Fact #19: Chuck Norris wears sun glasses to protect the sun from his eyes.
Specialty Fact #20: Chuck Norris doesnt have a mullet, his moustache just has back-up
Specialty Fact #21: Handicapped Parking is reserved for Chuck Norris. The picture shows what will happen to you if you take his spot.
Specialty Fact #22: Obama voted for Chuck Norris.
Specialty Fact #23: Chuck Norris dosent have to shoot a gun, he just has to throw the bullet
Specialty Fact #24: Arnold Schwarzenegger wont be coming back because of Chuck Norris
Specialty Fact #25: When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars look both ways for Chuck Norris.
Specialty Fact #26: The universe expands because the stars believe this way will be safer from Chuck Norris
Specialty Fact #27: Chuck Norris comitted suicide and lived to tell about it.
Specialty Fact #28: Chuck Norris only uses stunt doubles for crying scenes.
Specialty Fact #29: Chuck Norris drew a triangle with four sides.
Specialty Fact #30: Chuck Norris has a Roundhouse Kick button on his Facebook page, and when he deletes a friend they actually die
Fact #611: Oxymoron is oxymoronic because "oxy" means sharp and "moron" means dull.
Fact #612: If you have to tell people you're famous, you're not.
Fact #613: People who wear sweatpants usually aren't the ones sweating.
Fact #614: Some women can't stand going to the restroom alone; some men can't pee whilst in the presence of another.
Fact #615: No matter where you sit at a sporting event, the screamer will always be sitting behind you.
Fact #616: Wishing your pet could talk is fun until you realize all the things you've done in front of it.
Fact #617: There are some things you just shouldn't do for a Klondike Bar...
Fact #618: Mario is just an Italian man on a bad shroom trip.
Fact #619: Farting is a lot like assassinating someone. If you stand around for too long, people will start thinking it was you.
Fact #620: State Farm does not insure farms.
Fact #621: Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Fact #622: Your complexion is perfect until you have somewhere important to go.
Fact #623: You will always hate the new kid in your group that all your friends love, but you hate.
Fact #624: When asked anything about a bruise, you will check to see that it's still there by poking it.
Fact #625: I can be a morning person after all. I just can't go to bed the night before.
Fact #626: If Eve doomed the human race for an apple, what would she have done for a Klondike bar?
Fact #627: Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
Fact #628: It's easier to pick up chicks when you lift with your legs.
Fact #629: You will always open the fridge thinking good food will magically appear.
Fact #630: The smaller the body part, the more it hurts to jam it into a wall.
Specialty Fact #1: Chuck Norris can only text if the phone's touch screen is bullet proof.
Specialty Fact #2: Chuck Norris is the reason Jack is in the box
Specialty Fact #3: Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Specialty Fact #4: Chuck Norris grinds his coffe with his teeth then boils it with his rage
Specialty Fact #5: Transformers are just another name for Chuck Norris' grade 5 science project
Specialty Fact #6: Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Specialty Fact #7: Chuck Norris can make a slinky go up stairs
Specialty Fact #8: Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about
Specialty Fact #9: Chuck Norris invented water.
Specialty Fact #10: Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
Specialty Fact #11: Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Specialty Fact #12: The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Specialty Fact #13: Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Specialty Fact #14: Chuck Norris wasn't born, he punched his way out of his mother's womb.
Specialty Fact #15: Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Specialty Fact #16: When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norrised.
Specialty Fact #17: Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Specialty Fact #18: It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Specialty Fact #19: In case of a Chuck Norris emergency. Stop, drop, and die.
Specialty Fact #20: Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide- and-seek." He plays "hide-and- pray-I-don't-find-you."
Fact #631: Peeing in the bath is not the same as peeing in the shower.
Fact #632: There would be many dead and unlucky people on the planet if chain mails really did work.
Fact #633: The best place to hide a body is page 2 of Google search results.
Fact #634: Sending someone a friend request on Facebook is a declaration that you are comfortable with stalking them online.
Fact #635: You know your day is over when you shut down your computer.
Fact #636: No one will text you until you are about to go to sleep.
Fact #637: No matter how cool we think our music is, 20 years from now it's still going to be played on the Oldies Station, and our kids are still going to think it's lame.
Fact #638: Piracy is the only socially acceptable job for amputees.
Fact #639: Everyone that has a puppy thinks theirs is the cutest.
Fact #640: Procrastinating is no fun unless you have something more important you should be doing.
Fact #641: The lesser of two evils is still evil.
Fact #642: You never need your umbrella, unless you forgot to bring it.
Fact #643: Pineapples smell nothing like pine trees, taste nothing like apples and look nothing like either.
Fact #644: There is nothing more annoying than your roommates alarm clock on the day you choose to sleep in.
Fact #645: Disney movies are more fun to watch when you're 16 than when you're 6.
Fact #646: I used to eat a lot of natural foods. Then I realized people die of natural causes...
Fact #647: The grenade will explode whether or not he catches it.
Fact #648: When you drop an item on the floor while at a laundromat it will always be your most embarrassing pair of granny panties.
Fact #649: The only question your teacher will ever ask you is the one you don't know the answer to.
Fact #650: All songs are better when blasting in your car speakers while driving.
Fact #651: Bungee jumping is suicide for indecisive people.
Fact #652: The highest amount of fear you will ever experience in your life is the moment you skip a step on the stairs and your heart momentarily stops beating.
Fact #653: Every car on the side of the road at night looks like a cop car. Or a murderer
Fact #654: You will sleep well tonight, unless you have something important to do tomorrow.
Fact #655: All homeless people come equipped with a permanent marker and ripped cardboard.
Fact #656: Moby Dick sounds like the name of a venereal disease.
Fact #657: Nap time in preschool isn't for the students. It's for the teachers so they don't strangle the children.
Fact #658: A bus is a vehicle that travels twice as fast when you are after it as to oppose to when you are in it.
Fact #659: You never look at your parents the same way after learning how babies are made.
Fact #660: Darth Vader died of an asthma attack.
Fact #661: The only thing worse than a warm toilet seat is a wet one.
Fact #662: You will always choose the bathroom stall with the broken lock when you really have to pee.
Fact #663: Your cat will never be as cute as the cats you see online.
Fact #664: Life is a lot simpler if you don't have hot cousins.
Fact #665: Popcorn always tastes better before a movie has started.
Fact #666: All the animals people want to save could kill us.
Fact #667: People will never hear what you say until you say "Never mind!"
Fact #668: If you have to ask a person if they are okay, they are probably not okay.
Fact #669: Breakups should be on a scale of one to Adele as to how tough they are.
Fact #670: You are now thinking about pink elephants.
Ridiculous Law #1: In Galesburg Illinois No person may keep a smelly dog.
Ridiculous Law #2: In Oklahoma people who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
Ridiculous Law #3: In Nebraska it is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
Ridiculous Law #4: In Florida having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
Ridiculous Law #5: In New York the penalty for jumping off a building is death.
Ridiculous Law #6: In North Dakota It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
Ridiculous Law #7: In Ohio It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
Ridiculous Law #8: In Alabama incestuous marriages are legal.
Ridiculous Law #9: In Florida, it is illegal to fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
Ridiculous Law #10: In Montana, it’s illegal to tear a phone book in half.
WTF!? Law #1: In Canada, It is illegal to kill a sick person by frightening them.
WTF!? Law #2: In The United Kingdom, It is legal for a male to urinate in public, as long it is on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle and his right hand is on the vehicle.
WTF!? Law #3:  In China, According to a law, you must be intelligent to go to college. (Guess the guy who wrote that did not go to college)
WTF!? Law #4: In Italy, A man may be arrested for wearing a skirt.
WTF!? Law #5: In Singapore, It is illegal to pee in an elevator.
WTF!? Law #6: In the United Kingdom, It is illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on public transportation.
WTF!? Law #7: In Australia, It is illegal to walk on the right hand side of a footpath.
WTF!? Law #8: In Jamaica, Marijuana is outlawed. (So don't go smoking the kush in jamaica just cause the reggae stars do it!)
WTF!? Law #9: In Australia, Children may not purchase cigarettes, but they may smoke them.
WTF!? Law #10: In Greece, Dropping your pants is a chargeable offense that can bring with it a steep fine or jail time.
WTF!? Law #11: In Riverside California, Kissing on the lips, unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water, is against the local health ordinance.
WTF!? Law #12: In Zion Illinois, It is illegal for anyone to give cats, dogs, or other domesticated animals a lighted cigar.
WTF!? Law #13: In Ottumwa Iowa, It is illegal for any man, within the corporate city limits, to wink at any female with whom he is "unacquainted."
WTF!? Law #14: In Baltimore Maryland, It is illegal to take a lion to the movies.
WTF!? Law #15: In Mississippi, laws prohibit a man from "seducing" a female over the age of 18 by promised or pretend marriage.
WTF!? Law #16: In Ocean City New York, It is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town.
WTF!? Law #17: In North Carolina, It is illegal to hold more than two sessions of bingo per week, and those sessions may not exceed 5 hours each session. (Bingo!!!!)
WTF!? Law #18: In Oxford Ohio, It is unlawful for an "Unshaven" woman to appear in public. (In other word's no bearded ladies, or hairy mistresses in public or else you go to jail!!!)
WTF!? Law #19: In Ohklahoma, It Is Illegal To Have A sleeping Donkey In Your Bathtub After 7pm.
WTF!? Law #20: In Tennessee, it is illegal to import, possess, barter, trade, or exchange a live skunk.
Fact #671: Your lucky rabbit's foot didn't work for the rabbit.
Fact #672: You always breath louder when hiding.
Fact #673: Imagining people in their underwear only works until you realize that your parents are in the audience.
Fact #674: Whatever doesn't kill you makes you easier to kill next time.
Fact #675: Disney Movies have taught girls to hate their parents and depend on boys to kiss them and save them from harm.
Fact #676: Girls get mad if you lie to them. They get mad if you don't tell them they're pretty. Sometimes you have to pick one.
Fact #677: You will always have to open a door after putting on hand lotion.
Fact #678: Gum is to school what cigarettes are to prison.
Fact #679: The chief excitement in some women's life is spotting another woman fatter than her.
Fact #680: You know you're getting old when you can wrap your own presents and still be surprised on Christmas.
Fact #681: Whoever coined the phrase "quiet as a mouse" clearly has never stepped on one.
Fact #682: When someone says, "This isn't up to par," they're complimenting your excellent work since in golf you try to score below par.
Fact #683: You never really know a person until you go through their medicine cabinet.
Fact #684: Based off and based on mean the same thing.
Fact #685: Sarcasm applies the most to people too dumb to understand it.
Fact #686: A comeback will never sound as good out loud as it does in your head.
Fact #687: If you talked behind someone's back, they would still be able to hear you.
Fact #688: We all have that one annoying friend who only comments when someone spells something wrong.
Fact #689: When we tell our grandchildren just how great imagination is, they will ask how much it costs to download.
Fact #690: The more important it is to succeed, the more likely it is to fail.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #1: Ozzy osbourne bit the head off a bat. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris bit the head off Batman.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #2: To show its patriotism, the american flag got a tattoo of Chuck Norris
Roundhouse Kick Fact #3: Chuck norris once got into a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #4: Chuck Norris can find the square root of the color yellow.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #5: According to the Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse-kick you yesterday.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #6: Chuck Norris never learns. He knows.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #7: For Chuck Norris, there is always room at the inn.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #8: Jesus turned water into wine, but Chuck Norris turned wine into beer.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #9: Chuck Norris once gave his cell phone a brain tumor.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #10: The Ghostbusters call Chuck Norris.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #11: Chuck Norris makes the wheels on the bus go round and round.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #12: The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #13: There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #14:Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #15: Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
Roundhouse Kick Fact #16: Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #17: Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #18: The show "Survivor" had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. But there were never suvivors left after Chuck Norris was done.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #19: Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
Roundhouse Kick Fact #20: The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Fact #691: You seem to always hit the place where you have already been injured.
Fact #692: The more you pay for an article of clothing the less you wear it.
Fact #693: Everybody is weird. It's the normal ones that stick out.
Fact #694: Thos who say they don't fart, wreak of lies.
Fact #695: Time flies when you're listening to fun.
Fact #696: The Spanish word for wife is the same as the Spanish word for handcuffs.
Fact #697: The last light switch you flip on the panel is always the one you needed.
Fact #698: Sitting in the middle seat of an airplane will make you have to use the washroom 3x more than usual.
Fact #699: Everything you read on the internet is true.
Fact #700: Imagination works at it's best in the shower.
Ha Ha Eww Fact #1: The country that google's the word "sex" the most, is Pakistan.
Ha Ha Eww Fact #2: 372 people search for porn on Google every second.
Ha Ha Eww Fact #3: When a person pees, a small deposit of urine enters the mouth through the saliva glands.
Ha Ha Eww Fact #4: Research has shown that in a lifetime you will have had 22 workmen examine the dirty contents of your linen basket.
Ha Ha Eww Fact #5: Next time you're planning to attend a wedding reception you might want to bring a hanker chief. You have a 1/100 chance of taking home a cold sore from one of the guests.
Ha Ha Eww Fact #6: In a years time, most humans will consume 14 insects while in their sleep.
Ha Ha Eww Fact #7:  On Average women fart three times more often than men
Ha Ha Eww Fact #8: They actually make special underwear for people who pass gas a lot. They are called "Fartypants".
Ha Ha Eww Fact #9: An elephant can poop a 7-gallon pile.
Ha Ha Eww Fact #10:Your thumb is the same length of your nose.
Fact #701: When you say "don't look", everyone will.
Fact #702: If what you don't know won't kill you, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, then what you don't know makes you stronger.
Fact #703: Your stomach will always decide to make some sort of sound when it is dead silent in a room full of people.
Fact #704: Taping microwave popcorn to the ceiling, it's cheaper than a smoke alarm.
Fact #705: Hanging out with fat people makes you skinny in comparison. (don't freak out guys. I'm fat so i can make those jokes. lol)
Fact #706: If your significant other tells you that they are "seeing other people," he or she is hallucinating and needs professional help immediately.
Fact #707: Dora the explorer is the worst Spanish teacher on the planet.
Fact #708: Katniss and Peeta's couple name would be Penis.
Fact #709: You're not the only person who pees in the shower.
Fact #710: True love is hugging someone even harder when they're pushing you away. This statement applies to stalker-stalkee relationships as well.
Birthday Fact #1: Birthdays are like sunburn, a lot of unwanted attention due to something that is actually quite painful.
Birthday Fact #2: Birthdays are like children. Other people’s are especially annoying, and your own aren’t that much better.
Birthday Fact #3: As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
Birthday Fact #4: The older you get, the more you tell it like it used to be.
Birthday Fact #5: When you turn 60, your at an age when your back goes out more than you do.
Birthday Fact #6: You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
Birthday Fact #7: My birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar.. Yung No Mo
Birthday Fact #8: Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. And that’s what I feel today. XD
Birthday Fact #9: If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.
Birthday Fact #10: Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.
Birthday Fact #11: So far, this is the oldest I have ever been.
Birthday Fact #12: It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.
Birthday Fact #13: The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.
Birthday Fact #14: No wise man ever wished to be younger.
Birthday Fact #15: Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
Birthday Fact #16: A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police.
Birthday Fact #17: The best way to remember your 22nd birthday, is not at all. Have fun blacking out.
Birthday Fact #18: The best birthdays of all are those that havent arrived yet.
Birthday Fact #19:  They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.
Birthday Fact #20: We know we’re getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
Birthday Fact #21: When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
Birthday Fact #22: You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Fact #711: You know your life sucks when your pet rock runs away.
Fact #712: Vampires do exist, we just call them lawyers.
Fact #713: And on the 8th day, God created the internet so that human kind could ignore the 7 previous days of creation.
Fact #714: Compulsive liars would make the best actors.
Fact #715: Say the word "thither." You are now entertained at the fact that it sounds like "scissor" with a lisp.
Fact #716: The primary language of Mexico is Spanish, not Mexican.
Fact #717: Finding a needle in a haystack is never a problem for Magneto.
Fact #718: Disappointment is saving the biggest present for last, then realizing that it is the worst one.
Fact #719: Awkward is when two pedophiles meet up after chatting as 15 year old's
Fact #720: The worst car to get hit with is one driven by your ex.
Ha Ha Gross Fact#1: A cockroach can live 9 days without its head
Ha Ha Gross Fact#1: One out of ten children in Europe are conceived on an IKEA bed.
Ha Ha Gross Fact#1:Whale’s vomit is worth $5,000+ per pound.
Ha Ha Gross Fact#1:Crayfish urinate through their heads.
Ha Ha Gross Fact#1: The chlorine “smell” in pools is due to the chemical’s reaction with impurities…like poop….
Ha Ha Gross Fact#1: Male goats will pee on each other in order to attract mates.
Ha Ha Gross Fact#1:Artificial Raspberry flavor is milked from the anal glands of a beaver.
Ha Ha Gross Fact#1:In Brazil, there's a species of cockroach that eats eyelashes, usually those of young children while they are asleep.
Ha Ha Gross Fact#1: When Eskimo babies have colds, their mothers suck the snot out of their noses.
Ha Ha Gross Fact#1:The world record for passing gas was set on Japanese television, 3,000 times in a row.
Fact #721: When a boy likes two girls, he is a player. When a girl likes two guys, it's just tragic.
Fact #722: Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
Fact #723: Lord, if I can’t be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
Fact #724: Never buy anything you can’t sell at a garage sale
Fact #725: Men wear the pants but women control the zipper.
Fact #726: Guns don't kill people dads with pretty daughters do.
Fact #727: When your old "getting lucky" means finding your car in the parking lot.
Fact #728: When a guy tells you he'll call you. He is not really going to call you.
Fact #729: The only the thing we have to fear, is fear itself... and spiders.
Fact #730: The more people you meet the more you will like your dog.
Fact #731: If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
Fact #732: If people In horror movies listened to me they would still be alive.
Fact #733: A hundred years from now, people will wonder why so many photos of their ancestors involve the subject standing in the bathroom holding a thin rectangular device at shoulder level.
Fact #734: Adele might set fire to rain... but SpongeBob can make a campfire under water.
Fact #735: According to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Fact #736: Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. As men get older their balls get smaller.
Fact #737: Snookie wrote a book. Now Borders is closing. You do the math.
Fact #738: Instead of cleaning your house, just watch an episode of Hoarders. Then you wont feel so bad.
Fact #739: A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Fact #740: I always hold the door open for ladies, but they never want to get in the van...
WTF US Law #1: In Juneau, Alaska, Owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops.
WTF US Law #2: In Maricopa County, Arizona, No more than six girls may live in any house. ( can you say sexist?)
WTF US Law #3: In Little Rock, Arkansas, Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.
WTF US Law #4: In Carmel, California, Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits. (i didn't know fashion was a crime! lol XD)
WTF US Law #5: In Alamosa, Colorado, Keeping a house where unmarried persons are allowed to have sex is prohibited.
WTF US Law #6: In Waterbury, Conecticut, It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer. (aweeee what no barbershop quartet? This sucks!)
WTF US Law #7: In Rehoboth Beach, Deleware, No person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk. (awe man! I was really hoping to practice my hobo skills too!)
WTF US Law #8: In Acworth, Georgia, All citizens must own a rake. (ummm...)
WTF US Law #9: In Tennesse, It is illegal to dare a child to purchase a beer. (Damnit! And i really wanted to see if that little kid would do it too! XD)
WTF US Law #10: In West Virgina, It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (wow. So iguess if you want to have sex with a goat you got to at least make sure it weighs less than 40 lbs. Wtf?)
1D Fact #1: Niall said he screamed out loud when Justin Bieber followed him
1D Fact #2: Zayn mimed ‘hello’ through the car window to a fan which resulted in her passing out!
1D Fact #3: Liam bought Niall a life sized 'Barack Obama' for Christmas.
1D Fact #4: Zayn does funny dancing when he is drunk.
1D Fact #5: Louis describes Zayn's body as 'hot and spicy'.
1D Fact #6: Harry says that if he had the chance, he'd date Taylor Swift.(well we know how that turned out don't we? lol)
1D Fact #7: If the world ended in 10 seconds what would you do? Niall said he'd fart.
1D Fact #8: Liam used to practice kissing on the back of his hand.
1D Fact #9: Harry and Louis first met in the toilets at X Factor.
1D Fact #10: Louis dreams about Harry and Niall the most.
Chuck Norris Fact #1: God said "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "Let there be God."
Chuck Norris Fact #2: If you ever hear Chuck Norris humming "Ain't That a Kick In the Head," flee for your life. You don't want to be around to see what happens next.
Chuck Norris Fact #3: Chuck Norris can nail a hammer into a wall.
Chuck Norris Fact #4: Superman is afraid of only two things, kryptonite--and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Fact #5: Chuck Norris eats haggis just for the fun.
Chuck Norris Fact #6: Chuck Norris once scored 8000 in a bowling game by using his own balls.
Chuck Norris Fact #7: Chuck Norris first cast bass
Chuck Norris Fact #8: It's Chuck Norris' world; we are just living in it.
Chuck Norris Fact #9: Chuck Norris is the only man on Earth who can slice a playing card in half with a pickle.
Chuck Norris Fact #10: Chuck Norris was the only kid at the beach who could actually catch the seagulls.
Chuck Norris Fact #11: George Foreman has a Chuck Norris grill.
Chuck Norris Fact #12: Chuck Norris was actually Spartacus.
Chuck Norris Fact #13: There is no Zool. Only Chuck Norris. (Ghostbusters joke)
Chuck Norris Fact #14: Chuck Norris doesn't commit suicide, suicide commits him
Chuck Norris Fact #15: Chuck Norris once won a drag race with a bulldozer.
Chuck Norris Fact #16: Chuck Norris can smell your fear just by looking at you.
Chuck Norris Fact #17: Chuck Norris takes the 'non' out of non-violent entertainment.
Chuck Norris Fact #18: When Chuck Norris asks to 'borrow' something from you, be aware that you will never, ever get it back and are in fact about to be kicked in the face.
Chuck Norris Fact #19: Chuck Norris once sailed around the world and found a shortcut.
Chuck Norris Fact #20: Chuck Norris is the reason why you don't see Total Gyms being sold in garage sales
Chuck Norris Fact #21: Chuck Norris has never been dubbed in any film, because his fists do the talking.
Chuck Norris Fact #22: Chuck Norris filmed the making of the first camera.
Chuck Norris Fact #23: Sand is created by Chuck Norris shouting at rocks.
Chuck Norris Fact #24: Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a mattress for refusing to share with him.
Chuck Norris Fact #25: Chuck Norris wields a freight train like nun-chucks.
Chuck Norris Fact #26: Chuck Norris once rhymed "pain" with "balls." No one called him on it.
Chuck Norris Fact #27: Chuck Norris once stabbed a man with a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris Fact #28: Chuck Norris flosses with lightning.
Chuck Norris Fact #29: Chuck Norris does not age. He improves.
Chuck Norris Fact #30: When chuck Norris makes a play on words, it becomes a Broadway hit.
Chuck Norris Fact #31: Chuck Norris can outrun his legs and feet
Chuck Norris Fact #32: Chuck Norris can break iron with bubbles
Chuck Norris Fact #33: Chuck Norris once passed a kidney stone off the coast of Long Island. It sank the Titanic.
Chuck Norris Fact #34: Being scared of tight spaces is called claustrophobia being scared of water is called hydrophobic being scared of chuck Norris is called logic
Chuck Norris Fact #35: The first terminator went back in time to kill Chuck Norris. As a result, the terminator will never exist.
Chuck Norris Fact #36: Chuck Norris won on the 'America's Got Talent' show when he roasted a whole moose on a Hibachi grill.
Chuck Norris Fact #37: If you ask Chuck Norris for his autograph, he'll dip his boot in a bucket of ink and roundhouse kick you in your face.
Chuck Norris Fact #38: Chuck Norris can ram a VHS tape into a DVD player and make it play.
Chuck Norris Fact #39: Chuck Norris can download iTunes to an 8-track player.
Chuck Norris Fact #40: Chuck Norris' face was going to be on Mt. Rushmore, but the granite wasn't tough enough for his beard
Chuck Norris Fact #41: The official title for the Academy Award for Best Actor is "Best Actor Not Named Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris Fact #42: Chuck Norris built the Panama Canal with his left foot.
Chuck Norris Fact #43: If Princess Leia was really smart, she would have said, "Help me Chuck Norris, you're my only hope."
Chuck Norris Fact #44: Chuck Norris can text using his walkie talkie and without batteries.
Chuck Norris Fact #45: Chuck Norris once hijacked a freight train and drove it to a Home Depot.
Chuck Norris Fact #46: Great minds think like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris Fact #47: When someone says "nobody's perfect", you are insulting Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris Fact #48: Chuck Norris's beard is so powerful that it has a beard itself
Chuck Norris Fact #49: Chuck Norris can capitalize a number.
Chuck Norris Fact #50: Vote this page and chuck Norris won't roundhouse kick you
Fact #741: Becoming a politician is like becoming a parent. No education is required and most people do a lousy job.
Fact #742: Just because you got a new phone doesn't mean people are going to start texting you....
Fact #743: Blond leg hair looks like glitter in the right sunlight.
Fact #744: It's hard to eavesdrop when you're vacuuming.
Fact #745: I still don't know who the hell let the dogs out.
Fact #746: You're not the only person who pees in the shower.
Fact #747: No matter how you sit, one or both of your feet will fall asleep.
Fact #748: And on the 8th day, God created the internet so that human kind could ignore the 7 previous days of creation.
Fact #749: Hot girls have problems too. They're just like us, except they're hot.
Fact #750: If i say "long story" that means i dont want to tell you.
Fact #751: Compulsive liars would make the best actors.
Fact #752: Hollow chocolate bunnies are actually full.... of disappointment.
Fact #753: If a teacher asks you a question and you stare at them long enough without answering, you'll creep them out and they'll call on another student.
Fact #754: You'll never lose your virginity if you keep track of who you gave it to.
Fact #755: In several hundred years, Nicki Minaj will be considered classical music.
Fact #756: The best day to tell your feelings to your crush is April Fool's.
Fact #757: The two main differences between constipation and going into labor is the amount of pain and what you are trying to get out of your body.
Fact #758: People who claim to be constipated are full of crap.
Fact #759: Your friends are the rudest and cruelest people you know. Yet, you love them more then the nice person sitting next to you.
Fact #760: it's not called "stalking" anymore, it's called "facebooking".
Fact #761: it always rains the day you wash your car.
Fact #762: If you walk through dark alleys with a hood, people will think you are more approachable.
Fact #763: While whipped cream could be used as a substitute for shaving cream, shaving cream should not be used as a substitute for whipped cream.
Fact #764: The family members that always tell you to take what you are given are the ones who will complain most at a resaurant.
Fact #765: It's impossible to look sexy while brushing your teeth.
Fact #766: When you are holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
Fact #767: Life is like a teenage boy going through hormones - things get hard a lot.
Fact #768: If someone near you is speaking a foreign language, you will always assume they are talking about you.
Fact #769: Men need to make their own sandwhiches.
Fact #770: Women in tampon commercials are always laughing and dancing, when really they would be revving chainsaws & burning shit down.
WTF Gross! Fact #1: If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Looks like the terrorists have a new idea for bombs! XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #2: Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because farting in a space suit damages them.
WTF Gross! Fact #3: Baskin-Robbins once made ketchup-flavored ice cream. (sounds like something i'd see honey boo boo eating! lol XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #4: We share 70% of our DNA with a slug.
WTF Gross! Fact #5: The average person spends three years of his or her life on a toilet.
WTF Gross! Fact #6: Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and had only ONE testicle. (eww)
WTF Gross! Fact #7: The average person burps about fifteen times a day—generally a little more than they fart. Since belching is just another way of breaking wind...
WTF Gross! Fact #8: A person who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day will on average lose two teeth every ten years. (sounds about right.)
WTF Gross! Fact #9: In ancient Rome, urine was used to whiten teeth. (i certainly hope they at least used their own pee and if that i hope they had the sense to get it into a receptacle and not have someone do a straight shot into their mouth. ewww i just grossed myself out. lol)
WTF Gross! Fact #10: Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants.
WTF Gross! Fact #11: Ice in fast-food restaurants has more germs & bacteria than toilet water.
WTF Gross! Fact #12: Cockroaches break wind (fart) every 15 minutes and continue to release methane for 18 hours after death.
WTF Gross! Fact #13: A woman sued PEPSI after finding a dead rat in her enclosed Pepsi can. (yeah there is a picture and the tail fell off out of the can. it made me want to vomit!)
WTF Gross! Fact #14: Raw Horse Meat is a popular Food in Japan.
WTF Gross! Fact #15: Each year, there are more than 40,000 toilet related injuries in the United States. (ha! i would say most of those are caused by alcohol. XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #16: Smearing a small amount of dog poop on an insect bite will relieve the itching and swelling.
WTF Gross! Fact #17: Diarrhea induced E.Coli has been found on 10% of coffee mugs in the U.S.
WTF Gross! Fact #18: John Kamakaze, Scotland's self-styled Prince of Pain, set a stomach-churning record a few years ago when he spent fifteen minutes suspended in midair by meat hooks imbedded in his back.
WTF Gross! Fact #19: It’s possible for your body to survive without a surprisingly large fraction of its internal organs.
WTF Gross! Fact #20: The fastest growing nail is on the middle finger. ;-)
WTF Gross! Fact #21: On average, 13 people are killed each year by falling vending machines. (damn... and all they wanted was a stupid bag of Cheetos's!)
WTF Gross! Fact #22: Fried spiders taste like nuts.
WTF Gross! Fact #23: The mouth is full of bacteria. When two people kiss, they exchange an average of 20 million bacteria. (so think about that next time you want to tongue your boyfriend/girlfriend! lol)
WTF Gross! Fact #24: Some of the hair bands manufactured in China are made of recycled condoms. (sorry ladies! lol XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #25: In 1886, Doctors treated a french woman who had 10 individual breasts.
WTF Gross! Fact #26: It is common for male babies to get erections in the womb throughout various points of gestation. (wooo woo woo. dude not while your mom's around! you gotta wait till your outside to start doing that! lol XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #27: Defecaloesiphobia - Is the fear of painful farts. (who isn't afraid of those painful farts that sting? lol XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #28: Sharks actually urinate through their skin. ( :O no way!!! So do i!! XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #29: The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it. (well at least you're getting protein!)
WTF Gross! Fact #30: In the 1940's, an actual chicken by the name of Mike lived for over a year without a head. (what the hell? wow i mean seriously? who the hell names their chicken mike? lol XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #31: Closing the lid on your toilet before flushing is the safest thing you can do, preventing fecal matter from spreading by air.
WTF Gross! Fact #32: A small child can actually swim through the veins of a blue whale.
WTF Gross! Fact #33: Farts have been clocked at 10 feet per second.
WTF Gross! Fact #34: It is estimated that roughly 150 people are injured or killed by falling coconuts at the beach.
WTF Gross! Fact #35: The first soup was made of hippopotamus.
WTF Gross! Fact #36: Strangely, during the 1600s, Spanish sailors would often cover themselves in dog poop to ward off sea monsters. (gees. i'd hate to know what they did to ward of Forrest monsters. XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #37: Pumbaa from "The Lion King" was the first character to fart in a Disney movie.
WTF Gross! Fact #38: Scientist have created a car that runs on urine. (no way! I want it! so i can pee in it every day! lol XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #39: A man once woke up from surgery and found that Doctors had removed his penis by mistake. (how do you mistakenly take off someones penis? is it like, "oh lets do the finger removal surgery now. oh look doctor! this looks like a finger, let's take that off.")
WTF Gross! Fact #40: A leech has 32 brains
WTF Gross! Fact #41: A female kangaroo has 3 vagina's. (well it certainly puts a new spin on girl power now doesn't it? XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #42: Deer pizza is topped with actual deer meat.
WTF Gross! Fact #43: If you are right-handed you will sweat more from under your left arm. If you are left-handed, you will sweat more from under your right arm. (if you are ambidextrous you are a sweaty mess!!!)
WTF Gross! Fact #44: Jones Soda Company is known for their bacon flavored soda! ( I tried it. its gross!)
WTF Gross! Fact #45: A scatologist is a person who studies fecal matter (poop) for a living. (oh dang! I think i found my new career! XD)
WTF Gross! Fact #46: A shark has two penises. ( ummmm... ummmm...)
WTF Gross! Fact #47: 1 out of every 100 women have a third nipple.
WTF Gross! Fact #48: Mosquitoes are mostly attracted to people with stinky feet and bad body odor. (so if they are all over you then everyone will know why! ha!)
WTF Gross! Fact #49: 45.2% of people pee in the shower. (I swear i don't... stop looking at me like that! i said i don't!)
WTF Gross! Fact #50: During the Roman times, people used urine as a hair product. (Sounds like i should just pee in stuff and sell it to people! first its for teeth, now for hair, then for skin. Man who knew people loved pee so much?? lol XD)
Harry Potter Fact #1: Harry Potter came out of the closet at age 11
Harry Potter Fact #2: Harry Potter jokes are so lame. Siriusly.
Harry Potter Fact #3: At Hogwarts you will stop referring to showering as giving "Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”.
Harry Potter Fact #4: Voldemort didn't have any hair so he could avoid anyone using it in Polyjuice Potion.
Harry Potter Fact #5: Magical people name their children strange things like Harry and Ron, whereas, normal people choose simple names like Hermione.
Harry Potter Fact #6: The existence of Hogwarts has never been proven false.
Harry Potter Fact #7: More people would rather go to Hogwarts than Harvard.
Harry Potter Fact #8: Hogwarts is the only school where students actually want to do their homework.
Harry Potter Fact #9: When you turn 11 and you don't get a letter from Hogwarts you sadly assume that it's because wizards don't exist. It isn't until years later that you come to the horrifying realization that maybe you're just a muggle.
Harry Potter Fact #10: sirius black's middle name could be Lee.
Harry Potter Fact #11: voldemort is a lot like a teenage girl. He has a diary, a favourite ring and necklace, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.
Harry Potter Fact #12: Have you noticed that they don't teach regular academic classes at Hogwarts? So all wizards just have the education of an eleven year-old...
Harry Potter Fact #13: How messed up would it be if the last line of the harry potter book was "And then Harry woke up in his bed under the stairs in the broom closet"
Harry Potter Fact #14: When a potter fan hears the name Bella, we think Lestrange.
Harry Potter Fact #15: That awkward moment when harry goes to heaven and trips over a voldemort baby.
Harry Potter Fact #16: You know your a potterhead when you refer to the people you don't like as muggles.
Harry Potter Fact #17: How the hell was Hagrid conceived?
Harry Potter Fact #18: If every school was more like Hogwarts, school would be awesome.
Harry Potter Fact #19: When someone mentions something even remotely Potter related you will stop mid-conversation to listen to their conversation.
Harry Potter Fact #20: The least successful Harry Potter film (The Prisoner Of Azkaban) earned approximately 90 million more dollars than the most successful twilight movie in the box office.(boom! Suck it twilight!)
Harry Potter Fact #21: Call 1-781-452-4077. This number will put you through to the Hogwarts hotline. Where you can learn more information from Hogwarts directly. (Yes that is a real number and it really does work!)
Harry Potter Fact #22: Hogwarts only enrolls students from great Britain and Ireland.
Harry Potter Fact #23: Robert Pattinson openly stated that he would rather play Cedric Diggory than Edward Cullen. (Boom! Take that twilight!)
Harry Potter Fact #24: F.A.R.T. (Fresh Air Refreshes Totally) was a fringe movement of wizards who preferred to wear robes at all times in public.
Harry Potter Fact #25: At Hogwarts “Springtime for Voldemort” is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.
Harry Potter Fact #26: When Quirrell fainted, he hit the back of his head. The back of his head was Voldemort.
Harry Potter Fact #27: Hermione can't sing.
Harry Potter Fact #28: The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.
Harry Potter Fact #29: Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar. Or to get "fixed" (that's where they remove a dogs testicle's XD)
Harry Potter Fact #30: Hogwarts changes Defense against the dark arts teachers more than Taylor Swift changes boyfriends.
Harry Potter Fact #31: Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not “an extra credit project" for Herbology class.
Harry Potter Fact #32: At Hogwarts polishing your wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing your wand” in the common room is not.
Harry Potter Fact #33: There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
Harry Potter Fact #34: At Hogwarts When you get sent to the headmasters office, you will not sing ‘We’re off to see the wizard!’
Harry Potter Fact #35: Seamus Finnegan is not “after your Lucky Charms”
Harry Potter Fact #36: Harry Potter is the only student in Hogwarts who wears glasses.
Harry Potter Fact #37: At Hogwarts you will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
Harry Potter Fact #38: Let's face it, we've all tried to cast a Harry Potter spell before.
Harry Potter Fact #39: You know things aren't going well when you frequently mix up your Spanish vocabulary with harry potter spells.
Harry Potter Fact #40: If someone wants to be just like Harry Potter, kill their parents and lock them in a cupboard under your stairs.
 Fact #771: My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, And they're like, it's better than yours. Damn right, it's better than your's. I could teach you, but I have to charge.
Fact #772: Saying, "we can still be friends" after a bad break up is like saying, "the dog died but we can still keep it."
Fact #773: Prostate exams are really quite anal.
Fact #774: People want to go to hogwarts and people want to be a wolf or a vampire but no one wants to play the hunger games .
Fact #775: Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you've got, watch him walk through a spider web.
Fact #776: I can have any woman I please. So far, I haven't pleased any of them.
Fact #777: Behind every successful man there is a spot on the back of his head where you can flick him pretty hard with your finger
Fact #778: What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous? I stare, I smile, then when I get tired, I put the mirror down.
Fact #779: It's only a matter of time until Facebook adds “friend-zoned” as a relationship status.
Fact #780: There's no way Dora the explorer could get that small shirt over her enormous head.
Fact #781: If someone asks you if you have a webcam,then its safe to assume they only want to see your junk.
Fact #782: When someone yells "stop!", it is usually in the name of love, or it's hammertime, or you should collaborate and listen.
Fact #783: I hate being bipolar. It's awesome!
Fact #784: My mother never saw the irony in calling me a "son of a bitch".
Fact #785: Twitter is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in
Fact #786: How come when you get your wife or girlfriend pregnant everyone rubs her belly and says "Congratulations!" but no one ever rubs your junk and says "Good job!"?
Fact #787: Be careful saying a woman's place is in the kitchen. That's where the knives are kept.
Fact #788: You know things are going bad when your mother won't accept your friend request on facebook.
Fact #789: Telling a man not to be sexist is like telling a woman not to have her period. Its going to happen.
Fact #790: People make better decisions when they need to pee.
Fact #791: Commercials overreact... no one just smiles as they're mopping their floor.
Fact #792: If everyone had OCD, we would live in a perfect world.
Fact #793: When being lectured by a parent, the floor suddenly becomes very interesting.
Fact #794: You will always get the worst cart at Walmart.
Fact #795: one side of your eye makeup will always turn out better then the other.
Fact #796: that awesome moment when your fanny pack matches your crocks.
Fact #797: Dora the explorer has more freedoms at the age of 6 than any of us probably ever will.
Fact #798: No matter how sure I am that no-one is home, I still feel weird peeing with the door open.
Fact #799: Most middle school girls wear more makeup than high school girls.
Fact #800: It is better to be a boy with a tiny penis than a girl with a tiny penis.