Thread 14: Stories 61-75

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>Chrysalis
"18"
{Celestia}
~CadenceOn TV ~
(SAOn TV )
~~~~~

Terror.
Horror.
Shock.
Anguish.
And just a biiiiit of embarrassment.

That pretty much summed up the prince and princess as they stood in the doorway to their living room, frozen as if time itself had decided it wished for a break. Their wides eyes let them take in every single piece of the heart renting horror playing on their jumbo screen, it's contents stretched wide so you could see every inch.

~I don't know about this.~

(It's not like anyone is going to see it. Juuust want a bit of review stuff for after we tie the knot.)

~Well, I suppose it will be a bit fun to look back on the techniques we've learned.~

(Now you're getting into it!)

~Oh, and so are you, handsome. Get over here.~

>HAH! You guys made a sex tape!? SERIOUSLY!? AHAHAHAH!

"Wow, these are actually some fantastic production values too! Look at all those sweeping shots and tight angles! The color correction is cinema-tier! 42! Get over here, you can see better from the couch... 42?"

Unfortunate, the steel mind of the fiercest warrior Changeling had overloaded with conflicting issues, resulting in a pupil-less stare horribly twisted by the aghast fish-like gape on one side, and the makings of an elated smile on the other. Were it not for the blood that openly flowed from her nose, they would swear she had died.

>Oh for fucks sake, Cadence! You are SO VANILLA IT HURTS!

"Seriously. Anytime he suggest something a little fun looking it's all 'nope, just do me like this!' I'm honestly embarrassed for you."

>I smell Styrofoam, that's how bad you are.

{...But they are being really loving during, aren't they?}

>...Okay, fine, at least in one spot, you're doing good. I can actually TASTE the love coming off that-WHOA!

"DAMN SHINY!"

{That was... inventive.}

"And still technically not in the 'kinky' section either."

>HAH! That's called a vanilla twist right there! That's what I'm naming it!

"Ten out of ten, your form is impeccable!"

{How long is he going to keep that up? That has to hurt his hip.}

>Dunno. Hey, how long did it say on the runtime?

"An hour and twelve minutes."

>HAH!

{...So, just so we're all clear, we can in fact at last confirm it was Chrysalis who was bad in bed.}

"The age old question is finally put to rest."

>FUCK YOU GUYS!

{Well, if you're going to, could you take some notes from this? This is some fantastic wo-HOLY SHIT!}

"No WAY is that safe!"

>BUBBLE MAGIC IS AWESOME!

Eventually their higher brain functions would return, of course. Soon, the twin rulers of the Crystal Empire would find it in themselves to move again, and act.

And come the next morning they were going to have to do a LOT of explaining to Two as to why they needed to burn the entire living room to the ground. And also that 42 was still alive, just playing a game. The 'don't move an inch' game... For three days.

But thankfully, this would be the only time this would ever happen.

What were the odds anyone would find the other copies?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"Applejack"
'SA'
~~~~

>Applejack! Let's go do fun stuff!

"...What in the hell are ya'll doin'?"

>What? Celestia jumps in and does silly stuff with Shiny all the time, why can't you or me get up to zany antics, huh? You be the straightmare, and I'll be the one that suggests something wacky that you tell me that's stupid but do it anyway.

"That don't sound like me at all."

>Pleeease?

"Go ask yer' husband."

>Uh... that's not as smart an idea as it sounds on paper, actually.

~~~~FLASHBACK!~~~~

'Honey, I appreciate the enthusiasm, really, but this is stupid as it stands, adding in someone else is really not going to make it less stupid.'

>Well, fine! Then you all sit here, and I'LL fly rocket, how about that!?

'Sweetie, that's not a rocket, that's a bo- CADENCE NO!'

~~~~~~

'Okay, vine swinging is actually one of the saner things we've done. All we have to do is stick to the path and we should avoid the piranha... where'd she go?'

>Shiny look! A lake! Last one in is a rotten egg!

'CADENCE NO!'

~~~~~

'WHY!?'

>Oh you worry wart, it's just a little lava! It's not like the volcano is spontaneously going to eru-

~~~~

>Let's just say that any time Celestia AND Chrysalis insist that Shiny let someone come along, you should always be skeptical.

"...Fine. What do ya'll wanna do?"

>...Ta'daaaaa!

"Ya' just skewed my hat a little."

>WACKY!

"..."

>...That's all I've got.

"Get outta mah' office."
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>Spike
"42"
'77'
[DT]
~~~
Due to temporary renovations being needed, the Gun Club's core members meet in an ally behind the castle walls

[Yep]

>Eeyup.

"Yeah..."

'Mhmm'

>Alright, that's it, if no one's going to say it, I will: 42, I love that saddle-harness thing you're wearing!

"R-Really? I mean I think it-"

'It looks quite becoming of you, the frilly lace contrasts wonderfully with your battle-hardened chitin.'

"I feel-"

[Fabulous, no doubt! Where can I get one?]

"Ugh... Listen, this is meant to monitor the love I receive. Twilight made it, Rarity helped design it, so now I look like I should be on Moth Pony Stewart Living, teaching about how to make some dumb gourmet dish!"

>Well those cookies you made were incredible.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ42
“Spike”
‘Twilight’
[AJ56]
~~~

Way up high in the prestigious balconies of the Canterlot stadium was where Twilight, Spike, and AJ56 were gathered while down below, 42 stood by herself, tall, valiant, fierce, and wearing the pink, experimental love harness Twilight had crafted for her. As today was Saturday, it was time for 42’s scheduled bout against a manticore, and hey, what better time for Twilight to gather some much needed data than to see her invention utilized in a real fight.

[This is cool and all but… why’m I here for? There be many a lonely booty that my face could be in right now.]

‘Trust me, 56, you’ll see soon enough. I like to think of it as killing two birds with one stone.’

[GASP! That’s horrible! Why would you do such a thing?]

“Did… did you have to literally say the word gasp?”

[It was called for! She wants to kill multiple birds with a single stone!]

’56, it’s just an expression.’

[Oh. Well, it’s not a very ornithological-friendly one….]

Twilight sighed, then a purple hue overtook her horn and a gate on the far side of the stadium began to lift with an ominous rumble that bounced pebbles and caused 42 to snort, one hoof scraping the ground. She still didn’t very much like the idea of relying on the love she received to fight, preferring to brawl with the good ol’ left and right, but… for Twilight.

And maybe because deep down she knew she was curious as to how strong the love she held within was.

>Hrmmm… this is either going to be interesting or I’ll need a substantial amount of waffles afterwards.

“Hey, Twi’? I always wondered… all these manticores 42 fights and sometimes puts down, how does Fluttershy feel about this?”

‘I’d say she feels euphoric about it actually, as the manticores we fight here are quite rabid and made a living out of hurting the other animals. And that’s a no-no for Fluttershy. ‘Can’t play nice, that’s your head’. Her words, not mine.’

“…wow.”

[Butterbutt has such a nice plot… kinda like a marshmallow and it smells like earth and wildlife!]

“WOW.”

42 inclined her head to meet eyes with the towering manticore as it stomped up to her, dripping drool from its snarling mouth and issuing a cloud of fog with each labored exhale.

*GRAAAAAAAA!*

>…rawr.

Even with its lackluster intelligence, the manticore had enough sense to know that 42’s meager return growl, complete with waving hoof, was every bit insulting and wasted no time in bounding towards her. After dodging a swipe aimed at her face, 42 reared back an arm, able to feel the harness around her chest buzz to life as she pooled some love together and focused it to a needlelike point in her hoof.

>YOU’VE GOT LOVE, BITCH!

An almost insane smile split Twilight’s face when 42’s blow to the manticores gut sent it flying clear across the stadium. When it crashed into the stands, which were thankfully devoid of spectators, 56 nearly threw himself over the edge in awe.

[Whoooooa! Did you guys see that? She just- and then it went whoosh, kerblam, splat! AWESOME! HEY, 42!]

She glanced up at the balcony.

>Yes, 56?

[You’ve got a buttsnuggle coming your way! That was so cool!]

>…You do know we’re somewhat related, right? Part of the same Hive?

[Duh? You’re like, my strongest sister!]

>Annnnnd you see nothing wrong with wanting to bury your face in my ass. Your surrogate sisters ass.

[Nuh-uh, why?]

“Pfffffhahaha! My sides!”

>…Silly little numbskull. Anyway, so Twilight. Was that good enough?

‘That was actually quite superb, yes. I’ve got it hooked up to a link back in the lab so I should return to find some huge stacks of data all ready for me to devour, but… if I can ask for just one more itty bitty display?’

>Are… are you actually pulling the ‘wibble’ lip?

‘I don’t know. I’m trying but I don’t think my bottom lip is quivering enough. Is it working?’

>…y-yes.

‘Then I am!’

>I swear Two is starting a revolution of cuteness… but okay, fine, why not. That actually felt pretty awesome. Once more.

“Round two, folks.”

‘Indeed… except this time, I want to try something a little different.’

And once again, her horn lit up, the aura of magic stronger than before as two separate gates began to open, giving birth to twin sets of ragged growling.

>Oh-ho… two enemies at once, hm? Well, can’t say one-on-one does get a tad boring after awhile.

“Um… Twi’? What’re you doing?”

But Twilight glanced down at 56 who stood with his hooves on the railing and his tail wagging excitedly behind him.

‘56, what do you think of my rump?’

“…”

Without looking at her, 56 snorted.

[It’s big and squishy and tastes like grape! You sit around all day doin’ nothin’ so it’s really soft, perfect pillow-rump if ever I saw!]

‘Good, good, so… I have a proposition. How would you like to help me help 42, hm? In exchange, I’ll let you use my butt as a pillow for three days.’

[You had me at ‘help 42’. Whatta ya need?]

‘You’ll find out in about one minute and thirty-two seconds.’

“Twi’…? Twi’, what’re you planning?”


42 glanced to the left of the arena and beheld a timberwolf emerging from its pit, those decayed, woodened limbs creaking and snapping and twisting with every step; she then turned to the other side in time to catch another far smaller manticore lumbering forward. By their deranged expressions, she honestly couldn’t tell whether they wanted to fight her or each other- but received a quick answer when the timberwolf sprang at her with a chilling howl.

>So the dog wants it first, eh?

A split second later, the manticore was airborne, gaining height thanks to an impressive leap.

>…huh.

[Hey! HEY! That’s not fair, they’re gangin’ up on her!]

‘…56, remember when I said you’d find out in a minute and a half?’

[Yeah…?]

‘Welp, just do me a favor and tell her you fell.’

[Tell her I wha-]

A purple hue overtook 56 and he blinked when he suddenly found himself lifted and hurled straight over the railing at a blinding speed. Spike did a double take.

“TWILIGHT! What’re you do-”

‘Playing a dangerous game to do help 42, help myself and help 56 feel better.’

The sudden scream of 56 as he zipped down towards the stadium drew 42’s gaze like a moth to flame and she immediately felt her heart stop, her eyes widen. Was that…? It only took a blink to confirm that her eyes did not deceive and the vest she wore responded naturally, reading her emotions. It vibrated intensely, flooding her limbs with an almost burning burst of love.

>GRAAAAAAA!

In the same span of time that she leapt towards the timberwolf, 56 crashed into the manticore with a boom that caused the air to crackle. In their spiraling descent, the manticore snapped its arms around 56 and slammed him to the ground… which had about the same effect as slamming him into an overstuffed pillow. He burst out laughing despite the snarling creatures best attempts at squeezing him to death, though all 42 heard in her haste was a cry for help.

Even Spike somewhat blanched at the almost unholy roar of fury that surged from her throat and she kicked the timberwolf’s head clean from it’s neck, which caused the rest of its body to collapse in a sea of branches and leaves.

>56!

The instant she touched ground, she pushed off on her love-charged legs, stampeding towards the last target.

>LET HIM GO!

A swift uppercut to the chin followed her yell and the manticore flipped backwards through the air once… twice… two and half spins before crashing motionlessly to the stadium floor.

“I… what the hell? Did that really just happen?”

Twilight exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she’d taken.

‘It certainly did.’

42 scooped 56 into her arm, her eyes quickly glancing the chuckling Changeling over for any signs of a wound. But even when she found none it still took a few seconds after she’d set him down for her heart to come back online.

>56, are you okay? It didn’t hurt you anywhere, did it?

[Haha, n-no, no, it didn’t… just tickled, actually. Like a warm bear hu- OW! What’d you hit me for?]

>Do you know how much danger you just put yourself in? What were thinking jumping off the balcony like that?!

[Whoa, whoa, whoa, I didn’t jump off anything! Twilight was the one who… who…]

Glancing up towards the others, 56 heard his sentence sputter into nothing at the sight of Twilight holding her hooves together in an almost pleading way.

[…whoooo tried to stop me! Right, she was the one who tried to stop me! I, uh, I should’ve listened?]

Shaking her head, 42 pulled 56 into a hug and rested her chin on his shoulder, and when she did, the vest she wore seemed to exude a pinkish hue of magic.

>Don’t ever do anything stupid like that again, 56. Promise me.

[I promise, 42. I’m sorry….]

~~~~~

Later that day, after 42 had delivered any and all sensations felt during the trial period of her love harness, and after she was coerced once again by the wibble lip to wear it a bit longer, she left to find some waffles… leaving a very confused and upset Spike and 56 to glare Twilight down.

‘I can explain.’

[Ya darn right you can! Ya mind tellin’ me why you chucked me at some big ass monster and made me lie to 42? YOU’RE the one who pushed me, YOU’RE the one she shoulda bonked on the head! That hurt, ya know!]

“Wait, wait, wait, I’m sorry, hold up… you mean getting body-slammed by a one-ton behemoth doesn’t so much as scratch you but getting hit by 42 makes you howl?”

[You get beat by her on a daily basis so I know you know what I’m talkin’ about!]

“Point. And ouch much?”

‘What I did, I did with good reason. The first reason lays with the love harness. What I’ve created is quite frankly one of the best inventions I’ve managed to bang up in recent memory. It actually has the capacity to draw in, contain, and disperse the feeling of ‘love’. Think about that for a second, just let it soak in. Being able to take one of the universe’s greatest, most cherished gifts and using it to do exactly what 42 did earlier. Protect. Defend. Win. The ramifications of that can, and probably will, lead to outcomes far greater than what I currently have in mind. This could shape the future, boys.’

“…Until someone with nefarious intentions finds out and uses it for evil, you mean.”

Twilight turned to her delicious mountains of data with a blank stare.

‘If I always let such defeatist thoughts parade freely through my mind, I wouldn’t invent a single thing, Spike. Besides, as one of Equestria’s rising protectors, that’ll be your job to staunch evil, won’t it?’

“Hm, got me there, I guess.”

[Is it… I don’t understand. Only Changelings can use it though, right?]

‘Actually, only 42 can use it. That one specifically was tailor-made just for her, and while I have others, they’re nowhere near as complete at the one she’s wearing. The resources needed to make another, or even mass-produce two… ha. I’d bankrupt nearly all of Equestria.’

[DANG!]

‘Yes, dang. Which is why it’s imperative that I gather all the data I can in a wide variety of fields before something happens to it. Time is precious….’

“So a device that harnesses love… wouldn’t that have worked better on Cadance?”

‘Good question, and I surmise it would’ve, but Cadance can naturally harness her own love for combative use, she’s just really stu- I mean, she’s just fine as is. Besides, building a chassis to fit her larger figure would’ve taken more time and I was already impatient.’

“Same old, Twi’.”

[Okay, but how was that supposed to help 42? All you almost gave her was a heart attack!]

‘Easily explained. 42 has a hard time dealing with her own feelings from what I’ve seen, and she doesn’t want to use love as a means to better herself. She prefers to go hooves-up, a fighter through and through. I think after this… she’s seen the power that sincere love can grant.’

[Well… I… I guess that’s fine… if it helps her.]

‘Oh, it will. And you also get your reward. Three days with my butt, unless you don’t want-’

Before she finished, 56 was already bounding from the lab to fetch his blanket.

“…Now that he’s gone, I gotta say, you banked an awful lot of bits on his near-invulnerability, Twi’.”

‘I know, Spike…if something had gone wrong, if 56 had been hurt….’

“Hey, hey, he’s not hurt, he’s fine. I won’t say what you did wasn’t reckless, but at least three good things came out of it: information, a lesson, and a gift. You got a good magical throwing arm, by the way. Threw 56 right square into that manticore’s arms, ha.”

‘Oh hush up…’

NON CANON
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>Dadling
"Bat-mom"
~~~~

>Hrm... I do like the heft on this one... but this one is a liiiiittle shinier, and I do like shiny.

"What are you doing?"

>Shopping! For the baby, of course.

"...This is a gun store."

>Right!

"..."

>...Anything else?

"..."

>No? Glad we could clear that up.

"Why are you shopping for shotguns?"

>In case it's a girl.

"...please, clarify that. Heard rumors of 'no girls' laws with you guys, and bad images just got in my head."

>No silly! It's in case she starts dating. I asked about this, you're supposed to threaten ponies who try to date your little girl with a shotgun. I researched it! Watched SO many movies.

"Oh... what if it's a guy?"

>Then hey, thirteenth birthday present all picked out! Winwin!

"...I like the one with the oak handle."

>But that's not shiiiiiny!

"But the added weight of the chrome means it's harder to aim."

>Ehhhh, point. But OOOO! That one says it can punch through a hydra!... what're the odds she'll try to date a hydra?

"Well, you never know, kids these days."

>Now you're talking!
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>Cadence
"42"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~

>OH MY GOSH IT'S ADORABLE! EEEEEEEE!

"This is doing nothing for my sense of machismo. I want you to know that."

>EEEEEHEHEEEE! I want to try one! It looks so preeeetty!

"The fact you are looking at me like Two looks at her Bratty dolls is filling me with such dread, you do not even know."

>But you finally came over to the pink side! Pink is best!

"Its for-"

'For the wonders of fashion, of course.'

The Changeling would never be able to say why, but something about that tone put her very much off ease.

"M-My Queen! This is, uh-"

'Quite the number, and so very cute! Never took you for such a fashionista.'

"Well, actually-"

'Let me guess, Rarity?'

"Uh, yes, as a matter of fact, but it's also-"

'Also riding up a bit in the back.'

"W-WHAT!?"

'HAH! Caddy, you totally looked!'

>S-so what if I did? Huh? I'm a girl too, I can look!

'I knew Shiny was... what's the lesbian equivalent of 'beard'?'

>GO SIT ON A RUSTY SPIKE!

'That doesn't sound right. Too long. You think it would be 'rug cover' or something.'

>UUUUUGGGGGHHHH!

In a huff, she stomped off.

'If you're going into the kitchen, make me a sandwich! Oh, don't be like that, I'll let you touch it if you want, Shiny can watch... HAH! Oh, that Alicorn.'

"M-my Queen, about my vest-"

'Ohhh, don't you worry about that, my favorite little soldier. I'm very good at keeping secrets, just like you!'

Her Queen bent low after that, right next to her ear.

'But just this once, I'll share one. The best way to get the smell of Manticore blood off your hooves is a bit of Dragonsweed mixed in with some snow. Not even a bloodhound would know it was there.'

42 froze, eyes wide and her breath growing short, even as Chrysalis rose up and looked down at her with a cocky, wide grin.

'You look concerned. Don't worry, if Caddy or Twilight tries to get the recipe off you, just tell them I ordered you not to. They won't press the issue, after all...'

Impossibly, her grin became more sinister.

'They're not your Queen.'

As if she had suddenly heard the sounds of an approaching ice-cream van, the Queen merrily skipped off with all the joy of a filly. Leaving her loyal soldier alone.

Never once did Chrysalis doubt she understood.

Nor did she worry she would obey.
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>Celestia
"Spike"
{Applejack}
~~~

Being exhausted was something the princess of the sun was all too familiar with. Whether it be from threat of a grand evil returning after a millennia of imprisonment, or the basic maintenance of a kingdom she had ruled for a thousand years, she was all too familiar with the concept of being bone tired.

She supposed that was why she felt such sympathy pains for the orange Alicorn still toiling away at her desk when the moon had already risen so high into the night. But the tiredness was something she knew Applejack could deal with herself, or at the very least she could let her magic fix her for it. No, the real concern was the furrow in her brow, the tenseness in her shoulders, and the flare to her nostrils. This was something else entirely.

But what to do...

Ah!

>Spike? Would you come here for a second?

The dragons eyes flickered over to Applejack, none too subtly trying to point out that he would much rather stay.

{Go on, Ah've only got ten more forms ta' finsih, then Ah'm done.}

Her tone only made him more reluctant, but he obeyed.

The moment he was out the door, she quickly shut it behind him and bent down to his ear, hastily whispering something. Something which made the dragons eyes grow wide, and curious.

Nonetheless, he took the piece of parchment she handed him, and began to write.

Five minutes later he walked back in, Applejack not so much as glancing up to question what the princess had wanted. She was almost done.

"Got one more."

It took everything she had not to bite off her own tongue, and simply accepted the bit of folded parchment. Quickly and quietly, Spike made his escape out the door.

He caught up with her as fast as his shorter legs allowed, stopping her in the hall just before she could open up her doors.

"What was the point of that?"

She just smirked.

>It's a little complicated.

"Try me."

She did not elaborate further, she simply summoned a floating white screen before herself. There, on the other side, was Applejack. Red lines of anger going across her eyes, back stiff, spine rigid, teeth grit, slamming the last form into the "Done" pile. And then she opened up the paper that Spike had left her.

As if she had been a balloon, and the paper a needle, she just deflated away with every strike of her eye across the words written upon it. Tenseness ebbed away, eyes grew soft, jaws went limp. For a moment she looked around in a frenzy, looking for any sign of the dragon, and finding none.

Unbothered, she let out a deep, tired sigh, and rubbed the tears sprinkling at the edges of her eyes with a shaking hoof.

{D-dang it, Spike.}

The viewscreen closed, and it was quiet.

"...Couldn't I have just told her?"

The laugh was almost melodious.

>Of course! But you see, when we're around others we act a certain way. She would have tried to thank you, said something or done something to come across that she appreciated it. However... when we're alone, we get to just experience it for ourselves. She will thank you, show her gratitude in some way, but for now she knows there is someone out there, and they simply wish her happy. Some moments you can't share with friends... and they are stronger for it.

The dragon did not respond.

He did, however, notice her staring at the blank spot on her wall next to her door. A spot that had a bit of wear to the rug, he also noticed.

>Spike... by nature, we're not always open with what we want or how we feel, for many reasons... but we always appreciate it when someone steps forward anyway, and reminds us someone out there will always love us, and want us happy.

He didn't respond to that. He didn't think he could have brought himself too. He simply stood and watched as her bedroom door opened, and she disappeared inside. He briefly wondered how he could thank her for making him feel like he could help again.

Alone in her room, the celestial princess shed herself of her many adornments, their weight heavier than normal today. But there was one part she took off slowly, the one part that always felt the lightest.

From the gold necklace that hovered before her, a small strip of paper floated out from the center. The tiny thing that had clearly been torn off from some other, larger piece was old, worn, faded, and a corner of it burnt from the bullet that nearly pierced her hide so long ago. But it was not a bit lesser to her than the day she had slipped it in there so very long ago.

~You aren't alone.~

That's all. No room for another word. Nothing else to say.

She placed it back into her desk where she always kept it as she slept, and curled into bed. Perhaps it was a bit of nostalgia, or perhaps she was just going mad, but she couldn't help but dream of another time.

A time when she felt the world on her shoulders, and a piece of paper under the door carried it all away.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>32
"Pommel"
'Twi'
[77]
(Tiara)

We once again go to the commons of the Gun Club, just outside the doors of the simulator. 32 and Pommel stand before them, Twilight stands at the controls, while 77 and Tiara sit at a table nearby, engaged in a battle of wits.

(Got any fives?)

[Go fish, Poppet.]

>You can do this, Pommel. I know you can.

"32, I admit I've been improving, but you really think I'm ready for Danger-"

'Grrr...'

"Simulator?"

>Mmm...perhaps not, but I'd like to test a theory.

"A theory?"

>Yes indeed, you see I want you to do something before you go in there.

"What?"

>I want you to clear your mind, take a deep breath, and say 'I am the best in the world at what I do'.

"...32, that sounds like a big exaggeration at best."

(Seriously, *I* could kick his ass.)

>Shush, you pink pipsqueak. Let me ask you, what IS the truth? What is a lie? Are these things set in stone?

"Well-"

>For instance, our filly friend's juicebox is on the table, that is the truth, yes?

"Yes."

32's horn glows as the juicebox levitates, zooming from the table to the console Twilight is manning.

(Hey!)

>And yet now it is not! The truth is malleable, like clay, it can be molded, and 'lies' are simply the molds we can fit them into. It is simply that certain molds are more complex and require more work to fit the clay of truth into.

(Give me back my drink or the only truth around here's gonna be your body six feet under.)

Twilight rolls her eyes and levitates the juicebox back to Tiara, who takes a long drink.

>Now say the words.

"I'm the best in the world...at what I do."

>Again.

"I'm the best in the world at what I do."

>Louder!

"I'm the best in the world at what I do!"

>That's it, now get in there and show this simulation who's boss!

"Yeah!"

The doors open and Pommel rushes in.

>Princess Sparkle, load up the enraged Cave Troll simulation!

"THE WHAT!?"

The simulator doors slammed shut.

(Pfff...hahahahahahaha!)

Tiara falls out of her chair, laughing.

[You are a cruel bastard sometimes.]

>Eccentric Teacher, Brother, the term is Eccentric Teacher.

(Can't breathe...can't breeeathe!)

32 looks over the laughing filly, then at the table.

>...you should ask for nines, kings, and jacks, brother.

(OH FUCK YOU!)

32 grins and saunters over Twilight, regarding the monitor as it depicted Pommel facing down the hulking troll.

'Do you really think this is wise?'

>Of course not, but you'd be surprised what can be achieved through abject stupidity.

32 sets his eyes on the monitor.

>Come on, Pommel, conquer your personal falsehoods and create the truth!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Dash
"Scoots"
~~~
Dash marches in front of the assembled Wonderbolts team with a smile

>Today, Wonderbolts, we are meeting our new best friend: Twilight's Mk IV Battle Saddle Flight Variant! She is designed to link up to our new Wonderbolt's uniforms on a neural up link path that uses skin-contact and neural clips, allowing us to fire with a trained and focused thought! This saddle gives us two, modified Fliegerfaust, four-chambered, 30 mm, guided rocket system that can be swapped out for a payload of bombs, and we have this crowning beauty: the two M134 7.62 mm Gatling guns. Each gun fires at a rate of 1500 rounds per-minute at a muzzle velocity of 2500 ft per-second, with a maximum range of 4000 ft! Normally this whole system would weigh over 250 pounds, but with some specially synthesized alloys and the lastest in permanent magical enchantments, this beauty weighs less than Scootaloo after inhaling helium. Yes, kiddo? didn't offend you with that last one, did I?

"Nooot exactly. But, Rainbow Dash, the M134 fires at a variable rate of 2000 to 6000 rounds per-minute, has a muzzle velocity of 2800 ft per-second, and its maximum range is only 3280 ft. Not to mention how many details you skimped out on the Fliegerfaust system."

>... Good catch there! Now, how about we suit up and start off with some ground based target-

"Dash... That's not how you hook one of those on."

>...

"Have you ever used a gun before?"

>Of... course I have! But I just remembered a- Uhh... NON-SPECIFIC EXCUSE!

Rainbow Dash has left the building

Later...

>SPIKE! SPIIIIKE! I NEED FAVORS! NOOOOOW!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
“Dadling”
‘Spitfire’
________

In the normally vacant common room of the castle, alit by a crackling fire, was where two figures sat around a table. Except, oddly, the usual duo was joined by a third, and each of them clutched a mug of glistening amber cider.

>Spitifre, Dadling. Dadling, Spitfire. There, now you’re acquainted. Leave me alone to drink.

‘…’
“…”

‘…soooo, new guy? What’s your deal now?’

“Impending fatherhood is my deal. It’s a bum deal.”

‘HA! You think you got it bad? Have you met Rainbow Dash yet?’

“You mean the rainbow-colored mare who constantly zips back and forth across Canterlot? Who was internationally well known even before she took over your position and became leader of the Wonderbolts? Who saved all of Equestria at least twice, once even by stopping my species from conquering this very castle? No, never heard of her, who is she?”

Spike exploded with laughter.

‘Alright, dick, guess I walked into that one.’

“Suuuure did.”

‘Anyway, until you’ve been the lapdog to some vindictive, snide, commanding bitch, I don’t think you know what a ‘bum deal’ is.’

Dadling set his glass down and gave his head a shake, convinced he hadn’t just heard that, and turned to Spike.

“Is this chick dense, or does she just not know who my queen is? And I’m not talkin’ about the one I snuggle every night.”

>I’d wager on the latter. With her face forcibly injected in Dash’s ass half the time, it’s not surprising she misses some stuff.

“Ah.”

‘Well, welcome to the pity-party club, um… what’s your name again?’

The Changeling blinked, then issued a hiss between his fangs.

‘Come again?’

“That was it. That’s my name. In Changeling. It doesn’t have a proper Equestrian translation, and I was late to the numbering party….”

Again, Spike started to laugh, and loudly, his legs kicking on the stool.

‘…Well, uh… hissssss~, feel free to stop by any time, I guess. It’s usually Spike and me trading stories of our jacked up lives.’

“Okay, I can understand being someone’s lapdog and whipping bitch as a reason to drink, but Spike, what’s so wrong with your life? From where I’m sittin’, you’ve got it made! No responsibilities, no mare giving you the stink-eye every time you cough wrong, no mare waking you up at fuck o’clock in the morning to get her some ice cream from the freezer, no mare constantly booty-bumping you out the bed, no mare to-”

‘We get it, dude.’

“No, I wanna know, what’s he got to complain about?”

And almost as if on cue, a triple-jointed leg seemed to stretch from Celestia-knows-where and snap around the dragon’s ankle. Spike was too tired to scream in terror and only hurried to finish his mug of cider before he was snatched off his chair and out the room, the sound of his pitched laughter echoing down the halls.

“…ooooh.”

‘You see now?’

“But what is-”

‘Don’t know, don’t care. More cider?’

“…sure. And what’s this about your face in Dash’s crack? I want to know for… science reasons.”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"18"
'42'
[Cadence]
{Celestia}
~SA~
(2)
~~~~

>This is cruel!

"Inconsiderate!"

'It's nearly an insult, that's what it is!'

[OF ALL THE PLACES!]

{You could not have chosen a worse place.}

>NONE OF US CAN SWIM!

[...Well, I mean, I'm OKAY, but I'm not-]

>Shut it! No, not you, Shiny, you explain yourself.

~Okay, first off, any complaints should have been made long before we left the harbor. We are a solid mile and a half out by now, what were you waiting for?~

...

~Second, we all know why I just wasted fifty thousand bits on a glass bottom boat.~

They all followed his line of gesturing to the center, wherein a tiny black form was pressed against the glass like a leech.

(AH CAN SHEE ALL SHA FISHEEES!)

'...She does look rather excited.'

"Time of her life, really."

>I guess it's not the worst place to be. We're technically not IN the water.

[And I mean, it's not like we're going to swim.]

~I might.~

...

~Well, excuse me for actually using the pool in Canterlot for more than just a floaty storage facility!~

{...I have a pool? When the hell did I get a... Oh my gosh, I DO have a pool! I completely forgot I've had a pool for... HOLY SHIT it's been a hundred years! Is that thing still even sanitary?}

~What do you mean? Scud Scrubber still cleans it every day. You never stopped paying for them to maintain it.~

{...ALL THOSE BITS, WASTED! Shiny, find me a crying corner on this boat, NOW!}

~Do you mind? Heart is melting here.~

(HIIII FUSHEEEES! I'D HUG YA BUH SHA GLASH IS IN SHA WAY!)

'...She's not pressing against that too hard, right?'

~Naaah, guy assured me it was tested for up to eight hundred pounds-~

*CRACK!*

>...
"..."
'...'
[...]
{...}
~...poopy.~
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ56
“Scootaloo”
______

>SURPRISE CHICKEN ATTACK!

“EEEEEEK!”

>Bahahaha, that yell is priceless, I swear! Whooo, boy... Anyway, mornin’, Scoots, what’cha doin’ up here in the castle, eh?

“Doing my best to avoid you, actually, but you seem to have found my rear quite well….”

>My chicken radar went off. It’s pretty accurate.

“You just wanna get hoofed in the gut, don’t you?”

>If you really want to hurt me, you should sit on my face! I really, really hate that!

“…Did you need something orrrr…? I’m kinda busy here.”

>Oh? Doin’ what? Tell me, tell me, c’mon!

With a sigh, Scootaloo nodded at her wings, giving them a quick, hummingbird-like startup.

“Rainbow Dash started up a Junior Fliers portion of the ‘Bolts and… and… andohmigoshI’msoexcitedIcouldhaveaheartattack! I’ll be able to fly with my hero and use those weapons and BE somebody! Finally! This is like a dream come true for me!”

>Huh. Ya lost me there in the middle but I think I get ya. Know what would be a dream come true for me? If you-

“No! I’m not gonna let you sniff my butt again! I’ll admit it felt kinda good b-but that’s just weird!”

>That’s… not what I was gonna ask. I was gonna say I’d appreciate it if you could ask Dash if there’s room for one more small flier because I wanna learn how to fly myself.

“…Oh.”

>Don’t look so disappointed, ha! Thanks for askin’ though, Scoots, catch ya later!

And 56 skipped past her just as merry as could be, his own little wings giving a hopeful flap as thoughts of flying with Luna claimed his mind while Scootaloo just stared, feeling a strange amalgam of chagrin and regret.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>RD
"SL"
~Gilda~
-LD-

"Dash-- er, I mean, General?"

>Don't worry about it Scoots, I think we're a ways off of being professional enough to obey ranks. Half the recruits are still saluting with their left hooves.

"Okay, uh, Rainbow Dash. I know the gatling guns sounded like a good idea. And they are! Mostly."

>Is this to do with me messing up the specifications earlier?

"Uh... kind of? Dash... how much do you know about how guns work?"

~Hey RD, that's a cool cloud buster you got Twilight to rig you up! Might wanna put more padding on the back, though. Or just point the propulsion things the other way and give 'em a helmet.~

>Huh?
"What?"

~Just saying, it can't be healthy like that.~

>What're you talking about, G?

Whatever Gilda was saying was cut short by a green pegasus crashing through the mess hall window, the kickback from her battle saddle pushing her quickly into the opposite wall as a torrent of bullets poured out of the twin guns just below her wings.

-HEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEE!-

"Ah! Shut it down, shut it down!"

>Stop shooting! That thing costs 190 bits a second to fire, you're going to burn through the Academy's budget for the week like that!

"210 bits!"

>Whatever!

-AAAAAAAAAAAAH! IT WON'T TURN OOOOOOOOOOFF! I KEEP FIRING ALL THESE BULLEEEEEEEEEEETS!-

~I warned you about kickback, bro! I told you Dust!~

And just like that, the constant hammering of Lightning Dust's back against the cloud wall tore it down, and she was out to the eastern parade grounds, still getting pushed back by the force of the behemoth weapons, Gilda leaning out the hole in the wall to watch.

-IT KEEEEEEEEEEEEPS HAPPENIIIIIIIIIING!-

~I told you, Lightning! I TOLD you about kickback!~
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~~~
Twilight hummed ot herself happily within her lab when her alarm system alerted her of Rainbow Dash outside the door, and with company.

"Come on in, girls!"

The actual sight that greeted her were a battered, bruised, and rather beleaguered looking Wonderbolts.

"Twilight... When you tested these: you remembered to have normal pegasus test them out and not just flying tank alicorns, right?" Rainbow Dash asked despite knowing the obvious answer.

"... Yeeesss.... But why don't you give those to me so I can remodel them a bit anyway."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Twilight
"Applejack"
~~~

>Heyyyyy, Applejack! My bestestest, most favoritist, loveyist friend, how are you doing today? Good? You look like you're doing good.

"...Ah'm scared."

>Whyyyy? It's not like I want anything from you. I just want to sit here and hang out with my good old dear buddy, Applejack! Because we're friends, right? Bestest friends? Friends for life? Friends who would do anything for each other, no matter how ridiculous it may sound? That's us. You and me. Peas in a pod, we are.

"Can ya' just drop the hammer and tell me what ya' need? Ah'm seriously about ta' do a Celestia impression and backflip off the balcony. Ah'll do it, don't test me."

>Nooooo! I don't want anything from you, silly! I just want to hang out! Hanging out with my girl, my GAL! Right here. In your office.

"..."

>...buuuuut if you WERE offering, I would ask... how close are you to Chrysalis? Close? You and her look like you're close. Talk all the time, I noticed.

"Mostly about how her bugs are ruinin' mah' castle, but go on."

>Right, but you just seem sooooo nice with each other, she might want to talk to you about stuff! Stuff like, oh I don't know just throwing this out there, history? That's a fun subject! You love talking about your families history! And hey, maybe she'll want to share a story or two as well? That would be great. Really perfect. Total perfectionado. Oh! And I also have this! It's a... hat holder. You put it in your hat to hold it upright. No more collapsing! Isn't it great? Try it on!... the blinking means it's on. Clearly. Ignore the hum, it's a... head massager.

"...Ya' can't be serious."

>...PLEEEEEASE! There is so much I want to know! SO MUCH LEARNING! And she keeps it from me like the monster she is! Holding the glass of ice cold knowledge above my head as I die of thirst in a desert of IGNORANCE! I NEED TO KNOW THIS!

"The sad part is, Ah'd probably do it, but she don't tell me nothin' either. Just how she is."

>CURSE YOU! I will find a way to know of the vast Changeling history, CHRYSALIS! If it's the last thing I do, I WILL FIND A WAAAAAAY!

*LIGHTNING STRIKE!*

>WHOA! That is dangerous! Tell the weather crew to watch the lightning bolts!

"Anything else?"

>...Well, since this plan was a bust, want to go hang out?

"...Yes."

>Great! Oh! Let's go visit Sweet Apple Acres, we can see how your crop is growing in.

"Sounds great!"

>It does!

"..."

>...You want me to leave this on in here?

"Ah'm kind of curious to what Spike gets up to when Ah'm not around ta' be honest."

>...I'll turn on the video recording.

"This is gonna be goooood."

~~~
Later...

Spike peeks inside and looks around.

"Applejack? Twilight? Anyone here?!"

Once the coast was clear, Spike suddenly jumps into the middle of the room revealing his white outfit with an inexplicable spotlight and musical chord, followed by a steady, swelling, heartbeat-like rhythm

Suddenly, Spike grabbed his crotch, spun in place with one arm high

"OW!"

The music then kicked into full gear

"As he came into the window
It was the sound of a crescendo

He came into her apartment
He left the bloodstains on the carpet!

She ran underneath the table
He could see she was unable

So she ran into the bedroom
She was struck down it was her doom!

Jackie, are ya okay?
So, Jackie are you okay?
Are you okay, Jackie?"

As Twilight and applejack watched the recording on a monitor each smiled.

"So... gonna request a song and dance from him on your date?" Twilight asked

"Torn 'tween a solo 'r a duet wit 2."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________