12 oz Mouse script: S2E05_EnjoytheArm

Episode 12: "Enjoy the Arm"
transcribed: John W Sandwich (Chris Crisman-Cox)


ext. Space. Fitz and Skillet are in Roostre's corndog spaceship.

MOUSE: We must be, uh... (a meteor goes by) Woah. Holy crap, we're high. Look. What is that down there?
SKILLET: (screeches)
MOUSE: That's exactly what I'm thinking. There's nothing down there but where we live, except for down there. Looks like a real city.

The ship is out of fuel. Warning sounds and lights flash. Skillet hits the fuel meter, bumping it back up to full.
This works temporarily, but then the fuel meter slides back to empty. The ship loses orbit and crashes into a skyscraper in the cardboard city.

ext. The city, down on the road. Shark is still trying to fix his car.

SHARK: All right, I think we got her. Let's give her a crank.

The car doesn't start, and Shark gets sprayed with oil.

SHARK (cont'd): Perfect.

Annoying Lady walks by.

SHARK (cont'd): Where's she going?
RBM: Ahh, I don't know, to save Mouse... I guess. How would I know? Do I look like your personal computer?
SHARK: Hand me that towel.
RBM: Why? You're becoming black now. The bad black Shark. Remember?
SHARK: Hand me that towel, please, so I can shove it through your mouth and down into your guts.
RBM: (sarcastically) Whooo. I'm scared.

int. Liquor's basement. Roostre is still tied up. Spider finishes playing the piano.

ROOSTRE: Well, that's pretty good, Spider, but hey, listen man, let's put an end to all this, man. Why don't you untie me, man, okay?
ROOSTRE (cont'd): I'll be cool. Just hand me that guitar. I ain't gonna act up or nothing, and uh, I'll show you, uh, what for on a tune.

Spider walks over to the guitar while Roostre is talking.

ROOSTRE (cont'd): There you go. All right. All right.

Spider hands the guitar to Roostre.

ROOSTRE: Ah, this is nice. Good spider.

ext. A street in the City. Peanut Cop is lying face down on the ground.

PEANUT: My blood has turned to booze. And I want my face to turn to booze. If my blood could drink my face, we'd be all right.

Zoom out to show Golden Joe is standing next to Peanut.

JOE: My toe (?), I'm gonna get tooore up.
PEANUT: Ah, here's a good idea. Let's find some guns, and play with them.
JOE: Damn straight. Give me a gat; I'll give you a heart attack.
PEANUT: Nice.
JOE: I don't care how many little chitlins you have.

Joe shoots Peanut multiple times. Peanut looks shocked for a moment.

PEANUT: Okay, heresit. You give me the gun, and then I'll say, "Give me the guns." Where's my hat? Joe, be honest with me. Is my hat on my head?
JOE: I don't dress your ass in the morning. Shut the freak up.
PEANUT: Cool. All right, so first, we get the liquor, then it'll be like (very softly) give me all hands.

int. Liquor's shop

LIQUOR: Hey, really great to be here tonight. It's really great to be here tonight. I just wanna thank the whole crowd for coming to see me. (The entire crowd is the two Eyes.) Coming to SEE me. Cause you're eyeballs.
LIQUOR: (cont'd) Uh, thank you. So what's up with this town, hunh? It's like it's made of cardboard or something.
EYE (on the right): He's funnEYE.
EYE (on the left): He is funnEYE.
LIQOUR: Thank you. Thank you, seriously. So, I went to get a bagel at the hat store, and the hat said, "Hey, go get me a bagel." The hat said it.

Eyes stare at Liquor, but don't laugh.

LIQUOR: You people are wild, and we're just getting started.

int. The skyscraper where Fitz and Skillet crashed. Annoying Lady is talking to Fitz and Skillet.

ANNOYING LADY: What'll you all doing? What are you guys doing? What're you all doing? What are you guys doing? What do you think you're doing? What're you all doing?
MOUSE: We're parking.
ANNOYING: (progressively deeper and slower) Oh, I get it now. I get it now. I get it now. I get it now. I get it now. (collapses)
MOUSE: Skillet, you are now Dr. Skillet. Fix her head.
SKILLET: (screeches)
MOUSE: No, no, no. Fix it like Terminator.

int. Liquor's basement

Roostre: This one here's low and slow.
(song)
Now guns are fun,
And you better run,
When you see me comin.
Cause this AK,
Will make my day,
When I start a huntin'.

Now when my smoothbore, it starts to roar,
You oughta see them scatter.
Just in case,
My H&K will put an end to the matter.
Now it ain't no lie,
Many men have died,
And mister, I ain't braggin'.
So watch your mouth, and mind yourself,
Or I'll skin this here smokewagon.


An alert sounds, interrupting Roostre's song. A wall pops up, revealing an arcade machine showing Roostre's farm in ruins.

ROOSTRE: Goldurnit. Man, I had over a thousand guns down there. What the hell happened? Spider boy, there's only one thing left to do, and that's to fire up the Corndroid.
ROOSTRE (cont'd): Oh, uh, you're gonna like the Corndroid. This is one bad fomo. Now see, his skeleton is an array of future weaponry, which is surrounded by meat
ROOSTRE (cont'd): that was mechanically separated and finely coated in a teflon batter, and deep-fried. And he has only one mission, and that's to wipe this freakin' place out on my command.
ROOSTRE (cont'd): So, uh, whaddya say? You with me?

int. Shark's car

RBM: I don't know if you know, but there's this thing called a clutch.
SHARK: Yeah, I, I know what it is, and I'm pressing it with my fin, but I easily could press it with your face. There we go. See, I'm on this.
RBM: Wow, I've never been more impressed. You must be a scientist.
SHARK: I have a feeling something bad's about to happen. To you and everyone else, but... mainly you.
RBM: We'll talk to the Clock about that.
SHARK: I'll talk to him. You stay in the car.
RBM: Yes, I will because I want to stay in the car. It was my idea. I thought of it before you said it.
SHARK: Yeah, everybody cares what you say, as long as you say it last, which you always barely do. That's really appealing.
RBM: Yes, it sure is. Always. Always and always.
SHARK: Whoops.

SHARK presses an ejection button, firing RBM out of the car.

SHARK: Now I'll have the last words, won't I? Yes, I will. I'm having them right now.

RBM opens a parachute.

SHARK (cont'd): And then I'll be the guy everyone says, hey, there's the guy. Hey, wha -

RBM glides to the ground.

RBM: Slow and pathetic. I'm outwalking your car. Dumbass.
SHARK: You little piece of -

int. Liquor's shop

LIQUOR: Ship! Get it? Ship. There were three ships, not two. Hey, how about a round of drinks for my friends?
EYE (on the right): EYE never drink.
EYE (on the left): EYE never drink either.
LIQUOR: So, this guy, this guy walks into his house. His wife says, "Hey happy birthday. I bought you this bowtie," and the guy goes, "Not another tie!" Uh, he seriously said that. To her. Hey, who's heard the one about the screaming letter?

int. Fitz and Skillet's skyscraper. Skillet is working on Annoying Lady. Fitz puts the clock radio he got from Roostre's into a perfectly-shaped hole in the wall. The wall opens to reveal a clothes closet.

MOUSE: This is every bit of clothing I've ever owned in my life.
SKILLET: (screeches)
MOUSE: Somebody wrapped them up.
SKILLET: (screeches)
MOUSE: What? Oh. She is?

Annoying Lady has been transformed into Terminator Lady. She gives a demonstration of her new abilities.

MOUSE: You routed her trigger mounted those triggers. That's good.
SKILLET: (screeches)
MOUSE: Find a fire; then we'll cook some meat.
SKILLET: (screeches)
MOUSE: And then find the meat to cook on it. And then, we'll hole up here for a while.

A key drops to the ground.

int. Liquor's store

LIQUOR: And when he said, "Can I give you a hand?" he, he really meant, can I give you a hand. This hand. (holds up the Hand in a jar) Hey, you all keep drinking and laughing, and I'll be right back, with more.

Liquor goes into the sideroom. Shadowy Figure is waiting.

LIQUOR: They're not buying it.
SHADOWY FIGURE: (says something.)
LIQUOR: No, here's a better idea. Suck it.
SHADOW: (says something)
EYE (on the left): Someone sounds mad back there.
EYE (on the right): (grows an arm and suddenly talks in a deeper, more curt voice) Yes, someone does.