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Romulus_Palaiologos

chemAnon's Story

Apr 1st, 2019
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  1. 1
  2. alright /k/, gonna write my own story. elfette anon made me do it.
  3. will start out slow, but be patient. the kube will be pleased.
  4. also, first time writefagging and kinda busy, so updates might be slow.
  5. >be me, 19yo engineering student
  6. >been browsing /k/, /diy/, chemistry forums and yt for a long time
  7. >Austria, eastern end of the alps
  8. >late summer evening, 2019, get call from parents
  9. >turn on the news, anon!
  10. >which channel?
  11. >doesn't matter
  12. >oh fugg nukes? EUSSR army? RWDS?
  13. >turn on ORF1
  14. >breaking: portals to other world
  15. >itshappening.gif
  16. >portals materialize but are unstable and keep changing location
  17. >random patches of land swapped
  18. >rare phenomenon, seems to only have targeted "empty" regions
  19. >some large park in the middle of Vienna qualified as empty
  20. >a xeno settlement materialized in the middle of our capital city
  21. >inhabitants look and act like orcs
  22. >/k/onvergance may no longer be fantasy
  23. >let's hope shit doesn't hit the fan too hard
  24.  
  25. 2
  26. >arlright, we're gonna need some protection
  27. >my parents live near vienna, don't want them to get "enriched"
  28. >luckily, I keep my (homebrew) weapons at their place.
  29. >electric pipe musket, crossbows, shitty spear, slingshots, etc
  30. >tell them how to load them without shooting themselves in the foot/arm and where i keep my powder
  31. >tell them about my stash of chemical weapons
  32. >box of chlorine ampoules buried in the garden
  33. >waste from a previous project, might as well keep some
  34. >condensed with a stack of Peltier modules, sealed in glass tubes
  35. >awkward silence
  36. >will visit during weekend (if trains keep running)
  37. >parents will pick me up otherwise
  38. >as I hang up, realize, that I don't have any weapons at my apartment
  39. >search apartment for anything useful
  40. >bunch of (decent) knives
  41. >glass bottles, foodstuff, a bit of potassium nitrate
  42. >only thing flammable is half a liter of acetone
  43. >not much else in terms of chemicals, no bleach
  44. >small stash of leftover firecrackers (only legal (and therefore shit tier) stuff, no flash powder)
  45. >desperate times call for desperate measures.jpg
  46. >dig through my storage room, get out a cardboard box buried in the backmost corner
  47. >making this stuff may not have been the single dumbest thing I have ever done after all.
  48. >ignore the keep out sign, as well as every single hazard symbol there is
  49. >I put shit like "radioactive" on there just to keep idiots out
  50. >after 3 layers of cardboard, hazard symbols and packing peanuts I finally get to a large metal can
  51. >open it, retrieve a glass jar veiled in bubble wrap
  52. >at the bottom, below a lot of water, there sits a large lump of a waxy, yellow solid
  53.  
  54. 3
  55. >the lid of the jar reads "recreational white phosphorus 500g DO NOT TOUCH"
  56. >get out my beakers and some supplies
  57. >time for a night shift
  58. >carefully put the WP in a large beaker full of water
  59. >place on stove, in water bath
  60. >melt the phosphorus
  61. >thisissuchabadidea.jpg
  62. >using pipette, make small drops of WP
  63. >hands literally shaking
  64. >in a jar of cool water, quickly solidifies
  65. >make a bunch of beads, 3-5mm across
  66. >take apart most of the firecrackers
  67. >salvage the black powder
  68. >roll some paper tubes
  69. >plug one end A LOT of plaster
  70. >rig up shit tier pull-ring fuse using matches,
  71. >make shells from single layers of wax coated tissue paper
  72. >seal WP inside
  73. >load tubes with powder, WP canister, plug with cardboard disc
  74. >handheld pyrotechnic star mine with pull-ring ignition
  75. >basically disposable one-time 30mm shot cannon. low velocity, high spread
  76. >pray to the cube, to never have to use these (and to not have them blow up in my face)
  77. >cleanup, put dangerous stuff back into storage
  78. >get a beer, rig tripwire alarm to main door
  79. >block bedroom door with a chair
  80. >face picture of Paul Tibbets hanging above bed, 92 beaded dreamweaver below
  81. "O holy savior, bringer of cleansing fire! In my dreams and reality,
  82. keep me safe from any creatures of jap mythology.
  83. Guard my mind against the heretical,
  84. corrupting influence of degeneracy"
  85. >after this semi-ironic prayer, get some sleep.
  86.  
  87. 4
  88. >[drums start playing]
  89. >HERE'S THE STORY OF RHODESIA, A LAND BOTH FAIR AND GREAT
  90. >fuck what time is it?
  91. >turn off 8am alarm
  92. >been trying to return to a normal sleeping schedule
  93. >university starts next week
  94. >make myself some tea and breakfast
  95. >see dirty glassware in the kitchen
  96. >recall last evening
  97. >fuck that was real?
  98. >get my phone, read the news
  99. >chaos. a few cities in Europe and Burgerland rushed by greenskins or other creatures
  100. >some dragons have made their way to England. carnage ensued.
  101. >it hasn't even been t+18h since /k/onvergence
  102. >Austria was mostly spared
  103. >now about that orc village in Vienna
  104. >didn't get much attention initially
  105. >police was busy with briefings
  106. >and containing the looting and rioting done by our fellow humans
  107. >apparently people thought the merge was a good excuse for violence
  108. >black block types and "new Austrians" made up most rioters in pics
  109. >while cops were distracted, orcs explored their new home
  110. >a few joggers were robbed, captured (potentially eaten), or got the Swedish snuggles
  111. >a jeweler near the park was looted by smaller greenskins
  112. >orc villages seem to also house some goblins
  113. >police finally managed, to push them back
  114. >way to humane
  115. >riot shields, water guns, bean bags, cs gas
  116. >orcs now contained in park
  117. >border now guarded by police and military
  118. >park is a no-go zone
  119. >send parents a message to see if they are ok
  120. >sip hot tea, humming rule Britannia and thinking about the future
  121. >the war crime tubes are a good last-ditch option but not exactly safe
  122. >time officially become hasguns
  123.  
  124. 5
  125. >get on train to next major city
  126. >merge has cut off some routes, regional trains still mostly operational
  127. >Monday morning, train almost empty
  128. >from the train, I see some goblins in the woods
  129. >one may have run over
  130. >arrive after a few minutes, city looks normal
  131. >make my way towards the gun and hunting store
  132. >Austria has relatively lax gun laws by European standards
  133. >decide on getting the lever action I've been eyeballing
  134. >inb4 shooting prone
  135. >inb4 blunt bullets have shit aerodynamics
  136. >.357 magnum, wood stock
  137. >not quite a Garand but still a beauty
  138. >not cheap but a worthwhile investment
  139. >also buy 200 rounds of soft point ammo
  140. >.357 from a rifle should be enough to drop some green niggers, right?
  141. >doesn't need to be super practical. longest range enemies probably only have crossbows (crude, shit accuracy)
  142. >fill out paperwork, have to wait 3 days to pick up the rifle
  143. >return home, eating Schnitzelsemmel on the way
  144. >suddenly remember something I read on /k/
  145. >fuck off rapey birdwomen, you won't get me alive
  146. >call my uncle
  147. >he's kinda /k/ minded. mallninja tier tough.
  148. >works in the cleaning industry
  149. >can order from chemical suppliers, often gets me stuff for my projects
  150. >"good to hear that you are still alive"
  151. >"now given the new circumstances, I have a new project"
  152. >"and I could use your help"
  153. >"now i know you can't get concentrated nitric anymore but how about 98% sulfuric acid?"
  154. >"a lot of it"
  155. >"also would it raise suspicions if you got me 10kg of potassium nitrate?"
  156. >"no no just curious. can make it myself anyways, just a lot of effort"
  157. >"also could you have it ready by next weekend?"
  158. >will spend the next two days watching history documentaries, and lurking on /k/
  159. >lots of elf rape shitposting and "is x gun enough to kill y fantasynigger" threads
  160. >suspiciously, no confirmed sightings of dwarfs or knife ears
  161. >would have expected to see them, given the supernatural events and similarities to human fiction.
  162.  
  163. 6
  164. >Tuesday morning
  165. >mainstream news
  166. >new development in Vienna
  167. >Monday night, leftists decided, that orc containment is racist
  168. >protests ensued
  169. >(((NGOs))) wanted to send doctors and care packages to the orc settlement
  170. >police didn't let anyone into the no-go park
  171. >for obvious reasons
  172. >various "antifaschistische" action groups and related organizations got busy in their Facebook groups
  173. >soyboy cucks and dreadlock lice farmers showed up at one of the main entrances to the park
  174. >seize your bigotry, evil fascist pigs
  175. >you are literally exactly the same as the gestapo (even though it was the Totenkopf SS) guarding Mauthausen
  176. >because keeping literal violent monsters away from the civilians is the same as administering hydrogen cyanide breath therapy
  177. >these faggots don't even know basic history
  178. >protests started out relatively peacefully
  179. >love trumps hate, #notallorcs, coexist, #greenlivesmatter signs
  180. >antifa does what antifa does best
  181. >some commies start throwing shit at police
  182. >polycarbonate phalanx.jpg
  183. >eventually they had enough, fuck it let's teach them a lesson
  184. >police opens up, letting NGOs and some of the protestors through
  185. >anyone is free to go in
  186. >unsurprisingly, the orcs had little interest in vaccines, pills or ending racism
  187. >they did however have an interest in shinies, humie loot, and breeding slaves (possibly also boipussy)
  188. >they ran away when the orcs attacked
  189. >some were killed/captured, some made it to the gate
  190. >some made it out. some didn't
  191. >they had to close the gates because the orcs were not far behind
  192. >the screams of those left behind could be heard throughout the night
  193. >great job proving the racists wrong, antifa
  194. >on a different note, sightings of otherworldly creatures and races have increased
  195. >since the portals tend to be in the middle of nowhere, it took them a while to get anywhere near civilization
  196.  
  197.  
  198. 7
  199. >alright sitting at home is boring
  200. >kinda curious what the WP tubes will do to orcs
  201. >don't even give a shit anymore if one blows up in my hand
  202. >let's go for a walk
  203. >grab the wooden broomstick I once sharpened using office scissors (school can be boring too you know)
  204. >ccing a bunch of knives and a couple war crime pipes
  205. >first go innatown (i live close to the edge)
  206. >get groceries (with spear slung over my back)
  207. >not the only one
  208. >other customers carrying hatchets/knives
  209. >one mallninja has a fucking pistol crossbow
  210. >restock basic foods, get some turkey steaks, eggs milk, bread
  211. >grab a few packs of erythritol sugar substitute
  212. >at least something these health-conscious millennials are good for
  213. >technically sugary alcohol, practically 0 calories because you don't digest it
  214. (measurement would be the same as normal sugar tough (a calorimeter for food is retarded))
  215. >don't plan on baking a cake with it tough
  216. >stop by city hall because why not
  217. >see statement pinned by local police/gov
  218. >basically says, they won't give a shit if people carry weapons unless they look like obvious nutjobs
  219. >understandable, have a nice day
  220. >drop off groceries, walk in the other direction
  221. >walk along the edge of town
  222. >75-100m of clearing between road and forest at the base of the hill
  223. >owo what's this
  224. >there's something at the tree line
  225. >kinda looks like a (normal) face
  226.  
  227.  
  228. 8
  229. >it doesn't move
  230. >decide to slowly approach
  231. >yep. looks human, white skin
  232. >at about 25m it realized, it's cover was blown and stepped forward, into the open
  233. >certainly looks of human stature
  234. >the green mantle with hood made him/her blend in surprisingly well
  235. >"I come in peace" it said in broken English, very strange accent
  236. >"and who or what exactly are you" I asked
  237. >it lifted it's hood, revealing long brown hair and pointy ears
  238. >fancy wooden bow across her back
  239. >"my name is Taeriel Aelfhildur. Elves, I believe is what you monkey call us"
  240. >"Oh I was wondering when the knife ears would show up. Care to explain why you came here?"
  241. >"my tribe sent me to explore. I am studying the other world. human civilization in particular."
  242. >"but there is only so much you can learn from the humans on our side and the artefacts leaking over."
  243. >"leaking over?"
  244. >"these patches of land being replaced- that was happening before. just extremely rare and in unpopulated areas"
  245. >"so rare, you probably thought of it as absurd or fictitious"
  246. >so that would explain corn circles and the Bermuda triangle
  247. >"it seems like we both have a lot of questions. why not exchange some knowledge?
  248. >"I tell you what we know about the konvergence. you explain the human world to me"
  249. >>"you explain the human world to me"
  250. >now I know to be careful. around elves, watch yourselves. trust not any xeno thot.
  251. >for all I know they could be scouting for an attack or copying technology for a war
  252. >or she (he?) could just lead me into an ambush
  253. >but teaching a proud knife ear how the moneys conquered the world
  254. >educating her about the ideas and ideals that allowed us to ascend from the dark ages
  255. >possibly converting her into a follower of the /k/ube or at least it's ideals
  256. >fuck it this was my dream
  257.  
  258. 9
  259. >"alright, we have a deal"
  260. >"so you aren't going to rape or rob me?" she asked,
  261. >"what? no! why would you think that?"
  262. >even as socially retarded autist I noticed slight disappointment in her face
  263. >"the world I come from is a lot less... civilized" [elven blushing]
  264. >"we're better than that. for the most part" I replied
  265. >only now it clicks in my mind
  266. >remember the rumors about keebler superiority complex and inferior race rape fantasies
  267. >/k/ube help me if my worries come true
  268. >"still don't trust you tough, knife ear"
  269. >"nothing personal but the orcs and goblins left bad first impressions"
  270. >and so we went on together, talking about the merge and the other world
  271. >hiking up a small mountain
  272. >not too worried about keebler VC ambush
  273. >forests relatively thin, good visibility
  274. >and literally right next to town
  275. >back to the elf
  276. >she told me an old prophecy about the worlds connecting once some ancient evil was banished
  277. >once the portals stabilized (military doesn't know yet), she stepped through
  278. >followed railroad tracks until she had a close encounter with a freight train
  279. >decided to sit back and watch from the forest after that
  280. >until I found her
  281. >she told me a lot about the other side
  282. >they have humans. medieval society tough
  283. >they even speak english
  284. >got teleported over in the middle ages
  285. >later, some kids got shipwrecked on an island
  286. >destiny carried them over to narnia (or whatever the fuck we're going to call it)
  287. >elves adopted and raised them, eventually releasing them into human society
  288. >high elves also maintain libraries, dictionaries and study otherworldly artefacts
  289. >such as torn up plastic bottles
  290. >that way they were able to maintain a somewhat up-to date vocabulary
  291. >we make it to a bench near the peak, at the edge of the hill
  292. >steep drop, great view of the town
  293. >”alright, monkey, why don’t you tell me about your world now?”
  294.  
  295. 10
  296. Just in case anyone is reading the actual story, I am sorry for retarded spelling in early posts. should be improved
  297. >on the way down, I try to explain democracy and capitalism to her
  298. >difficult for her to grasp, since wood elves live in hippie tribes
  299. >no politics, just dancing through the forest and doing hippie shit
  300. >occasionally screwing with lone wanderers
  301. >contact between the races is relatively rare
  302. >a keebler showing up at a human city is still a mythical creature to them
  303. >humans still live under monarchy over there
  304. >medieval towns, just more fortifications against the fantastical threats
  305. >slaving away to maintain the luxurious lifestyle of the aristocracy
  306. >whenever they’re not busy fighting off orc hordes
  307. >or at war with another kingdom
  308. >”is that all it took to get here?” the elf questioned
  309. >”your world looks so peaceful. I haven’t even seen any human weapons. Just your improvised spear”
  310. >fugg how should I respond?
  311. >don’t want to scare her away with trench warfare, shellshock, chlorine, nukes and MAD
  312. >”there’s a lot more that went into creating our modern world.”
  313. >”the scientific method and our ability to harness fire most importantly”
  314. >” and there’s a reason why we became relatively peaceful.”
  315. >”but that’s a story for another day” I replied
  316.  
  317. 11
  318. >we make it back to town
  319. >ask her to cover up her ears
  320. >don’t want to attract unnecessary attention
  321. >given the first impressions the orcs left, we might get shot at
  322. >show her around the outskirts of town
  323. >”Taeriel, where are you going to stay?”
  324. >”i’ll set up camp in the woods. We elves are used to this sort of thing”
  325. >”the weather is going to get worse soon”
  326. >”be my guest. I have food and an extra bed”
  327. >she reluctantly accepts after I promise to show her a bunch of human technology
  328. >It has gotten late, sun behind a mountain
  329. >as we approach the door, the light turns on
  330. >the elf immediately dives for cover
  331. >”relax, it’s just a light”
  332. >”what kind of sorcery is this?
  333. >”didn’t I tell you, we didn’t even believe in magic”
  334. >really fucking hungry
  335. >cook the pre-seasoned turkey steaks with rice and frozen vegetables
  336. >make some extra for my guest
  337. >meanwhile the elf is playing with the water tap
  338. >clean, hot, on-demand running water is fascinating to her
  339. >even more so than by the flameless stove
  340. >Serving time
  341. >food is fine, didn’t fuck up too bad
  342. >the knife ear stares at the plate for a moment
  343. >took her a moment to figure out how a fork works
  344. >promptly complains about how freezing the veggies being bad
  345. >still ate it tough
  346. >reluctantly tries the turkey and rice
  347. >eyes widen
  348. >rapidly devours both and starts eyeballing my plate
  349. >the stories were true
  350. >turns out they don’t have seasoned meat or rice
  351. >but they want it
  352. >” processed food isn’t too bad afterall, is it?”
  353. >”more” she demanded
  354. >greedily consumes any remaining rice straight from the pot
  355. >after dinner she went outside to pray to the moon
  356. >”why would you pray to the moon? It’s just a rock”
  357. >”how can you filthy monkey say such heresy”
  358. >bitch please
  359. >”because we would expect it to be a barren rock”
  360. >”because we can look at it with a telescope”
  361. >”and because I touched it”
  362. >the elf stares at me with disbelief
  363.  
  364. 12
  365. >”how can you touch the moon? How is that even possible?” she asked
  366. >”well in the sixties we flew up there. We brought back a few rocks”
  367. >”some are in museums for everyone to see”
  368. >”no I mean wouldn’t you fall off”
  369. >hol up.jpg
  370. >”wait a second. What shape do you believe our world to be?”
  371. >”What do you mean?”
  372. >our world as a whole. The earth. What shape is it?”
  373. >”never thought about that. Looks flat to me”
  374. >damn we have a lot of work ahead of us
  375. >idea.png
  376. >back inside I try to explain Newtonian gravity and the heliocentric world model to her
  377. >while grinding some potassium nitrate
  378. >”imagine you are on a very tall mountain. So high up, there isn’t any air”
  379. >”and you fire and arrow horizontally from the peak, much faster than any bow could”
  380. >”It drops and hits the ground. What’s so interesting about this?” the elf asked
  381. >”remember, our world is round”
  382. >”if you get one flying fast enough, with no air to slow it…”
  383. >”…The world curves faster than it drops”
  384. >”the arrow will fly a full circle around the world” I explained as I returned from the kitchen
  385. >proceed to weigh out the powdered sugar and add it to the mortar
  386. >”but how are you supposed to move up there? Even wings need air” she inquired
  387. >”let me show you”
  388. >rig up a shitty bottle rocket with the powder
  389. >we head out to the meadow where we first met
  390. >place it in an empty bottle, light the salvaged fuse
  391. >”watch this”
  392. >the thing blasts of and climbs to at least 500 meters, leaving a ticc trail of smoke
  393. >much louder than on jewtube
  394. >”no air required” I proudly commented
  395. >”Couldn’t you tie an arrow to that? I’m sure that would be a powerful weapon” the knife ear asked
  396. >”the Koreans used to do this 600 years ago. Not accurate but good for thinning out dense formations”
  397. >”our payloads have gotten a lot more advanced since then”
  398. >oh yeah right, I didn’t want to terrify her with industrialized human warfare
  399.  
  400. 13
  401. >back at home, we end up watching a documentary on the Apollo program
  402. >after she got over how the tv is literally just like magic
  403. >human (American) heroism, spectacular footage
  404. >pretty much what you would expect
  405. >doesn’t touch too much on the cold war
  406. >anyways, she ends up resting her head on my shoulder
  407. >seriously has personal space not been invented yet
  408. >either that or she plans lewd things
  409. >fuck off Slaanesh, you are not welcome here
  410. >”anon, you smell nowhere near as bad as the monkeys I am used to” the elf complimented
  411. >”yeah soap and daily showers will do that for you”
  412. >fucking savages
  413. >after the film is over, I prepare her bed (couch)
  414. >she’s still awestruck by that picture of our blue marble
  415. >”Sleep well. if you need anything, just knock”
  416. >barricade my door anyway
  417. >around elves, watch yourselves
  418. >somehow I have this feeling, that I won’t get much sleep tonight
  419.  
  420. 14
  421. >wake up to the sound of several trucks pulling up
  422. >It’s dawn. My room looks different
  423. >looks like it’s made of paper
  424. >there’s a calendar on the wall. page August
  425. >peek out the window
  426. >looks like a Japanese city
  427. >there are at least 16 guys in uniforms climbing out of trucks
  428. >looks like ww2 jap uniforms, some are fixing bayonets to their rifles
  429. >bump into something
  430. >why do I have tits?
  431. >oh, right. I meant to troll the /d/egenerates
  432. >fuck you subconsciousness, did you really think you could recycle my ideas into nightmares
  433. >grab the 1911 from beneath my pillow
  434. >rush to the cabinet, boot up the massive radio
  435. >”agent 46 to base. Can you hear me?”
  436. >”is she on her way?”
  437. >”confirming target location. Their laboratory is at the hospital”
  438. >”I repeat- aim for the hospital”
  439. >”what do you mean optics?”
  440. >”just say they were aiming for the bridge”
  441. >”don’t be late and don’t worry about me”
  442. >the japs breach my door
  443. >drop a couple with muh stoppin powah
  444. >surrender once I expended my 7+1
  445. >the officer steps forward
  446. >”normally we would just execute American spies” he said with an accent straight from 40’s looney toons
  447. >”but you will get to feel the superweapon you were looking for”
  448. >press x to doubt
  449. >they escort me to the trucks, Arisaka bayonets pointed at me
  450. >they take me to the hospital where I reported their secret laboratory
  451. >they lead me to the top floor (bayonets still pointed at me)
  452. >I am greeted by what looks like an anime villain version of a general
  453. >he has a fucking nambu-katana abomination on his hip
  454. >”there it is- the secret weapon you were looking for” he said in the same cartoonish accent
  455.  
  456.  
  457.  
  458. UPDATE 4/23/19
  459.  
  460. 15
  461. >”this will allow us to defend our home islands against any invasion” he proclaimed, pointing at a glass cell in the corner of the room
  462. >inside there is a big, blueish thing
  463. >looks like Lovecraftian horror
  464. >the top of the glass box is open, stairs and a plank leading to the edge
  465. >I’ve seen enough heresy to know where this is going
  466. >he orders me to climb the stairs
  467. >standing behind me, katana-pistol drawn
  468. >the soldiers stand across the room, rifles aimed at me
  469. >probably want me alive tough
  470. >on the plank I look at my watch
  471. >idiots didn’t even cuff my hands
  472. >it’s 8:14
  473. >the general orders me to walk the plank, sword-part pointed at my back
  474. >”do you know, why you will never win this war? I asked
  475. >”because we fundamentally different ideas what constitutes a superweapon”
  476. >in the same instant I jumped off the plank, land outside the box
  477. >dash across the room
  478. >some of the riflemen pop of a shot
  479. >clearly trying not to hit me or the glass box
  480. >I stand with my back against a wall, beneath a massive concrete arch
  481. >”silly westerner, did you really think you could escape unit 731”
  482. >”never was my plan”
  483. >through the domed glass roof, I could make out a large 4-engine prop plane pulling away
  484. >I silently count 44, 43, 42
  485. >across the room, a bullet had fractured the glass
  486. >the creature awakens, and it’s tentacles smash through the glass
  487. >grabs an officer by the legs, making him drop his sword
  488. >approaching me, while tearing the guy apart lengthwise without lewding
  489. >the japs slowly retreat
  490. >that thing is probably at least 1000kg
  491. >grab the katana that conveniently landed in my direction
  492. >Fend off the tentacles trying to grab me, back against the wall
  493. >won't last long, but I don’t have to
  494. >I am beneath a massive concrete arch, it is beneath a glass roof
  495. >in an instant, everything turns white
  496. >I hear sizzling, start to smell burning flesh
  497. >even the reflection feels like I’m in an oven
  498. >about two seconds later the touch of divinity kicks me awake
  499.  
  500.  
  501. 16
  502. >I wake up in the mud, surrounded by burnt remains of a forest
  503. >still not my bed
  504. >artillery thundering in the distance
  505. >distant chattering of MG fire, occasionally interrupted by German and French shouting
  506. >as I look to the sky, the layer of ash, fog and dust is breached
  507. >an angelic figure descends from the heavens
  508. >camouflage helmet and facepaint, grey/brown feathered wings and a hexagonal brass halo above his head
  509. >zergface.jpg
  510. >He introduces himself as an angel of the /k/ube
  511. >”anon! you may not like it but your destiny awaits”
  512. >”I do not have much time. Your future is of great importance to the /k/ube”
  513. >”why me?”
  514. >”the /k/ube needs more than just competent warriors”
  515. >”also most kommandos would be distracted by their …more human faults”
  516. >”now go and face your enemies”
  517. >a mortar shell lands next to me and I wake up (again)
  518. >Hear noises from the apartment door
  519. >unbarricade my door, grab knife and warcrime tubes from bedside table
  520. >Taeriel is already standing in the hallway, a dagger in hand
  521. >”someone is trying to break in, anon”
  522. >”sounds and smells like goblins”
  523. >look through the peephole
  524. >”four of them. shives and knives. they’re picking the lock”
  525. >”do something, Anon”
  526. >”at this range they’re going to overwhelm us”
  527. >”I don’t want to be raped- not by them”
  528. >”don’t let them take us alive”
  529. >pull out one of the WP pipes and point it at the door
  530. >please don’t explode in my hand
  531. >”stand behind me and try to avoid the smoke”
  532. >*click*
  533.  
  534. 17
  535. >the door is pushed open
  536. >they lined up neatly behind the door
  537. >”willkommen in Österreich, Untermenschen”
  538. >I pull the pin
  539. >1/4 a second later, the incendiary payload bursts free from it’s tube
  540. >bits of yellow fire spread in a wide cone, leaving streaks of dense, white smoke
  541. >phosphorus sticks to gobs
  542. >because they stacked up neatly behind the door, everyone gets his share, little is wasted
  543. >[goblin screaming]
  544. >they (s)tumble down the stairs, running away with several globs of fire sticking to each one of them
  545. >I get a jar of water to put out the fires in the stairwell
  546. >the building is made of bricks and concrete, nothing to catch on fire
  547. >neighbor’s doormat got scorched tough
  548. >start scraping up extinguished phosphorus
  549. >struggling to keep my eyes open from the irritating smoke
  550. >got to clean up this hazard
  551. >might also be able to reuse it
  552. >happymrechant.jpg
  553. >less than a minute after their retreat, the screams subside
  554. >they made it to the river running near the building
  555. >my guest is still standing there, seemingly in shock
  556. >oh yeah right neither her nor them probably ever saw black powder before
  557. >”what in the name of the moon spirit was that, anon?” the elf inquired
  558. >”that was some advanced pyromancy. I didn’t know monkeys on this side could do that”
  559. >”I wish I could. that was just some white phosphorus”
  560. on a side note NileRed and Explosins&Fire in particular have great videos on white phosphorus if any one is interested
  561.  
  562. 18
  563. >she seems to have noticed my eyes
  564. >”what happened to your eyes, anon? are you ok?”
  565. >”don’t worry about me. the stuff just makes acid smoke”
  566. >”quite irritating, but I’ll be fine”
  567. >she reaches for my head and I instinctively take a step back
  568. >”let me help you”
  569. >she reaches out again
  570. >I reluctantly let her
  571. >she lays her hand on my face, her eyes give off a dim, green glow
  572. >my eyes start watering (even more), my throat hurts
  573. >I am NOT crying ffs
  574. >fucking forest kike trickery
  575. >she draws several tears from my eyes
  576. >they just float weightlessly for a few seconds before simultaneously falling and splashing on the floor
  577. >the tears have stopped, and my eyes don’t feel like they are melting anymore
  578. >”thanks, I guess”
  579. >”we should prepare. they might come back” she suggested
  580. >”I doubt it. the stuff is pyrophoric – self igniting once dry”
  581. >”and if that doesn’t get them, it’s still more poisonous than cyanide”
  582. >”that sounds horrible”
  583. >”one of the reasons why it’s use as weapon is frowned upon”
  584. >”so tell me about these goblins”
  585. >the way she describes them, she almost sounds like a /pol/ack describing jews and niggers but with a pinch of Fritzl
  586. >also they smell better when on fire
  587. >Sargon- moral community.wav
  588. >after about 10 minutes we hear goblin screams coming from the forest
  589. >”like I said, white phosphorus is pyrophoric”
  590. >we end up talking about the dangers of the other world for a while
  591. >flashbacks from the nsfw boards
  592. >bombs away mister Lemay
  593. >I eventually manage to convince her that they’re not coming back, and go to sleep again
  594. >hard to sleep after that
  595. >only now it occurs to me
  596. >those few tears would not have been enough to flush out the acid
  597. >the acid must have been concentrated in those tears
  598. >this may have great implications for our understanding of thermodynamics
  599. >also more nightmares
  600. >the typical “home defense but every single weapon I touch malfunctions comedically” dream
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