Thread 105: Stories 1-15

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>Granny Smith
"Big Mac"
~???~
~~~

>Well land sakes! She comes down here ta' visit and doesn't even say hi ta' us! What kinda baloney is that!?

"Eyup."

>Why, Ah'm bout ta' give that filly what for, ya' hear me!?

"Eyup.'

>Ah'm gonna bop her, and sock her, she's gettin' a whippin!

"Eyyyup."

>And then Ah'm gonna-

~Doooowwnnnnn.~

"..."

>Eeeeh, Big Mac? You been gettin' into the bad apples again?

"Eeeenope."

>So then, that there ain't yer' stomach.

"Eeeenope."

~Dooowwwwnnnnnnn.~

>...Is that commin' from them trees?

"Eyup."

~Get me doooowwwwnnnnn.... geettt me dooowwnnnnn~

>B-Big Mac, Ah' think... Ah' think...

"...eyup..."

~Reveeennngggeee~

>OH SUGAR APPLES! You hear that!? It's a ghost! A spooker! A specternometer and what have ya!

"E-EYUP!"

>Oh no! OHHH NO! It's the ghost of the lynched ponies!

"LYNCHED PONIES!?"

>It's a long story! We ain't got the time!

"...who are ya' and what did ya' do with mah granny-"

~REVEENNNNNNGGGGEEEE~

>AHHH! LETS GET OUTTA HERE BIG MAC!

"NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPENOPENOPENopenopenope...."

~....reveeenge... for the asshole who tied me to the treeee.... I want downnnnn... help....~

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OOCO
>AJ
"Igneous"
~~

>...So have ya' ever had that there rock examined?

"Nope."

>Really. Cause yer' daughter studies rocks.

"She does that."

>But she never looked at that one.

"No."

>...It looks like a-

"I know what it looks like, it's not that."

>Yer' sure.

"I'm sure."

>...Because it really looks like a-

"It's not."

>It REALLY looks like a-

"It isn't."

>...

"..."

>...Ya' don't want to try a rock omelet?

"....Daughter! Come! I need you to examine this rock!"

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OOCO
>AJ
"Celly"
'SA'
~~~~

>Rubber ducky, yer' the one... ya'll make mah bathtime, so much fun!

SLAM!

>AH'WASN'TSINGIN'THAT-... What in tarnation?

"Damn it! This ones in use too!"

'We'll have to see if Rarity's is open.'

"Oh, why didn't I install fifteen bathrooms? Why did I stop at twelve? WHY DID I STOP AT TWELVE!?"

'Live and learn. Sorry, AJ!'

"BYE!"

SLAM!

>...Wha... why are ya' carryin' rocks... wait, who in tarnation is usin' the other eleven bathrooms!? None of this makes any sense at all!

~Tell me about it.~

>GAH!

~I mean, Quack.~

>That's better!

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 >AJ
"???"
'???'
~~~~

>...Ya' know, this here is actually goin' pretty easy. Huh. Was expectin' somethin'...

"GANG WAY!"

>There it is.

Easily, she sidestepped the dustcloud roaring towards her. It stopped right in front of her, as she expected it to.

>Well, howdy!

Green hooves grabbed her from within the cloud.

"Applejack! Ya' ain't gonna believe it! We done been spooked down at the far! That there's a creepy thing in the trees! It's the bat pony!'

>The bat pony Mah' friend turned into or the bat pony who's currently workin' off baby weight?

"...Oh, right... neither! It's a spook!"

>Ah' swear iffin' this is Zecora again...

'Eeeenope.'

"It's a spook Ah' said!"

>Well, that does sound serious... okay, fair 'nuff. Guess it's a good thing Ah' didn't wanna bring them round ta' the farm after they proved they couldn't behave themselves. Maybe Ah' should let him d-...

"...Eehhh, Applejack? Ya' kinda trailed off there."

>N-NOTHIN'!

"Oh, okay. That seems smart."

>...Ah'll handle it.

"Phew!... Though, just ta' be on the safe side, why don'tcha let me and Mac watch Applebloom while yer' doin' it. Don't want her gettin' spooked."

'Eeenope.'

>...she ain't down here?

"Who? Applebloom? Nah, she was gettin' ready fer' her trip with you."

>...trip?

"Yep. How was it?"

>.................

"...Applejack?"

'Eeeecrud.'

>.....................................................................f-f-f-f

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>29
"??"
~~~

Thoom.

All around him, like thunder. A thousand booms of a thousand massive things crashing to earth, ringing within his head like a bell stuck to his skull.

Thoom.

Like a rainstorm of the pillars of the world, all around him they crashed. Monolithic, giant things, hammering into the ground with ease. Each one, so massive they could easily eclipse a dozen of him stuck together. Each obelisk so gargantuan he could barely comprehend the scale.

When he finally summoned the courage to look to the sky and divine where these strange things came from, reality struck him as hard as any one of those masses of power could. For they were not pillars of stone, nor colonnade of any such rock upon this earth. Every one of those tall things beyond his sight were connected to bodies.

They were not pillars... they were hooves.

Hooves connected to ponies, as normal looking as any on the street of Canterlot save their unearthly size, milling about this way and that in their meandering of life. He, merely an insect in comparison in both looks and stature.

He dodged this way and that, moving with wings fluttering against careless hooves that threatened to squash him like any normal house fly. Irritated swings threatened to break him apart. He took to the skies, to their faces above, and found himself in awe, looking around.

In awe... and mostly confusion.

>...I don't get it. What is thou meaning with this?...Oh! Oh hooo! I see! This is a metaphor! Ahhhh, the wit on thee, teacher!... But what doth the trials of war have to do with me?

"TRIALS OF WAR!?"

She loomed over him, a dark cloud unnoticed by the ever moving bodies all around him. More massive either than any of them, more a storm of being than any giant.

"What doth thou speak of with this madness?"

>Pfft, tis obvious thou wishes to teach to me the effect of wars so grand making any feel insignificant next to normal life, alien and small. T'was so obvious!

"That's not it at all!"

>...No, that's it.

"It is not!"

>Then you are reading it wrong.

"TIS OUR LESSON!"

>And thus, the teacher hath learned! I feel such pride! Now, kindly move me on to the next one and- EEP!

Lightning struck next to him, lancing into the ground and cracking it like it were made of cracker. Again, the giants moved as they did, not bothered or abated.

"Are thou really so dense!? We were showing thee that thou art small! Insignificant! Thine head so large needs to be brought down to size, and now we illustrate this as it really is! Thine being is but an insect in the grand scheme of things!"

>...That's stupid.

"STUPID!?"

>For so many reasons! Firstly, though I think I need not point it out, you made me tiny. That's not showing of mine insignificance, that's showing you have magic to make things tiny.

"Thou art the same size!"

>Oh, then thee cast spells to make them grow. Whichever, same principal. Ponies are not this size.

"It is a metaphor!"

>And a foolish one! Because what is this supposed to teach me? That I should seek out mine distant aunt to learn of her magic of growth? I'm small until I go seek someone besides you for learning? Thou clearly does not have the magic to make ponies grow outside of this reality, or thou would have sent armies against the Titan. Clearly, this teaches me that mine teacher is lacking, not me.

"WHAT!?"

>And that doth not even touch upon mine other being besides might alone. Look, even if mine size is beyond theirs, I can just do this.

He summoned his magic to his horn, firing down upon the nearest giant with ease.

"...H-ha! They are too big for thine magic to shoot! Thine insignificance is proven!"

>I did not seek to shoot them, I sought to do THIS!

The giant stilled, his eyes green with a magic of the mind. Every which way, he looked, and prepared to punch the nearest other giant to him.

>See? I can just-

The giant suddenly shook his head, and easily dispelled the magic, continuing on as if nothing happened.

>...really?

"T'was thou, not me. Thou are just not of a might yet, you are small, weak and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, your ego too massive. Thou needs to be more humble!"

>...HRMPH! You would say that! All magic, yet thou have certainly never done anything of note!

"WE BEG THINE PARDON!?"

>Thou heard us! Just because I know of mine own stellar, grand worth does not mean I care that thou is so sad she wishes to bring me down to her level! We'd be angry at thee, were we not so focused on how offensive this whole thing is.

"Offensive!?"

>Oh, look! There are being simply beyond me! I should never try to reach them, merely accept that I am small and can never be a height like that! Give up, little one!

"Thou cannot! There is simply magic beyond thee!"

>Well, that's helpful! At least thou admits that thou cannot see any way to teach me a way to be like them, but that is lacking to your teaching, not to my abilities.

"OUR TEACHING IS OF THE GRANDEST TO EVER BE!"

>HRMPH!

Her teeth barred in the storm as it began to rage, eyes filling up with burning magic.

>And furthermore! Thou couldn't even fit one changeling in there? It's all ponies! Canterlot ponies too! Unicorns, at that! Oh, I get thine message, and it is-GLK!

A tendil of shadow wrapped around his tiny neck, dragging him with abandon up to eye level on the storming anger. Against her eyes, his fearful nature could at last claw it's way above the pride he so held at all times, and he could look at her no longer.

>Not that there's anything wrong with unicorns?

"...Thine next lesson is now."

>I-I-

She gave him no respite, or time to talk, before she was gone and him with her.

"Thou will know fear... shortly."

Never once, as the darkness consumed him... did he doubt her.

>I have made a terrible mistake with mine curriculum choices..

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>Pommel
"Gambling'
~~~

>You know... I could probably get used to a town like this. Really quiet, really easy, you know? This here? I kinda want to vacation down here. Forget the beach, this would be... just great.

"I've made about seven thousand bits in two hours."

>...

"These folks are REALLY fucking gullible."

>...I feel like I should arrest you...

"For what? Is gambling illegal?"

>...I... don't... know...

"OH FUCK IS GAMBLING ILLEGAL!?"

>Maybe? I've never looked at the laws for that.

"OH FUCK OH FUCK I'M GOING TO JAIL AND THEN THEY'RE GONNA MAKE ME DROP THE SOAP AND...Oh, wait, I'm a foreign citizen! PHEW! No 14 missions for me!"

>...Really?

"What, did you really not know I was straight? I've had sex with like, two whole mares."

>...really.

"I mean, I didn't look like this, but..."

>........

"Erm... that was back in the old days. Can't arrest me for that!... Or can you..."

>...why did you stand next to me...

"NOOO I DON'T WANNA EAT JAIL FOOD!"

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OOCO
>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Cadence'
[18]
{42}
~Celestia~
^2^
(Spitfire)
+Stormy Flare+
~~~

>...Hi, Stormy! Didn't think you were going to join us for dinner today, thought Spitifire would tell me if that was going to be the case!

(She just appeared, like a ninja! I was cornered.)

+This isn't an issue, I take it?+

>Noooo, of course not. I just... uh... wanted to make sure the chef was ready for one more?

+That cosplayer turned around after she saw me come in, looks like you've got a spare seat.+

(She wouldn't believe me.)

'Well, um... how lovely to have you around, Misses Flare!'

+I just want to see what kind of company my daughter spends her time with now.+

[...Is there a particular reason you were looking at me?]

{I understand me, at least.}

+So you do know it's weird to wear armor to dinner?+

(Mom, please, they're my friends.)

+I'm just noticing a lot of...+

"...a lot of what, exactly?"

+Really? You're going to make me say it?+

[No no, go ahead, say it. Would love to hear this one!]

'Oh dear.'

>Uh... hey, have you met our daughter, Two? She does impressions!

^HAH!^

>She's very gifted.

{I think she had something to say, actually.}

+Fine... I'm noticing a lot of...+

(OhdearCelestianomompleasedon'tdothistome-)

+Mares.+

>"'[{(....OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!}]'"

>Ohhhh, I get you now.

+Why, what did you think I meant?"

^Issat s'sposed to be different? I don't get it...^

+Ohhh, no reason, child, keep playing with your napkin.+

^KAY!... BRrbrbrbr!FWOOSH!

(Mom stop.)

>Oh dear lord, not again... I told you, there is no-

SLAM!

~Hi, Shiny! Sorry I'm late for dinner, but... hey! I someone in my seat? Oh, well that won't do. Fine, if you have to be like that! I'll just take my seat right here.~

>OOF! H-HEAVY!

~Flatterer. So, what're we talking about?~

"'[{(+.......+)]}'"

>Er... a-as I was saying...

+Is... i-is that...+

(Yeeep...)

+...Complaints withdrawn.+

(WAIT WHAT!?)

"HAH!"

~...I feel a little lost.~

>You don't want to know.

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>Chrysalis
"Mane-Iac"
~~~

"AHHHHAHHAHAHAHA! LOOOK! I HAVE CREATED A RAYYYY, OF EEEEVILLLL!"

>It's a giant hairdryer.

"INDEEEEEED! Noooow, Insectitron! We can use this device to make all of the manes in the world, the frizziest on the planet! Nothing shall match the frizzy frazzy fuzz! WE SHALL RULE WITH A PERRRRFECT MANE! AHAHAHAH!"

>...heh. You know, sometimes I miss wanting to dominate the world...

"AHAHAHAH! It is EXHIIILERATING, no?"

>Yeah, it was...

"...Insectitron?"

>...

"Insectitron?...C-C-ch..C-ch-"

>Hm? Oh, sorry. Come on, lets try it out on Caddy, see what happens.

"HmHMM! AHAHAHA! Yes! Yesss! We shall have reveeenge for... what did she do again?"

>Thwarted your evil plan, somehow.

"AH! OF COOOOOURSE! That makes sense! AWWWWAAY! INSECTITRON!"

>Heh... can always count on you for some escape, Maney. Can always count on you.

"Yes... of course... of course! AHAHHAH!'

>HAH!

"AHHAHAHhhahah... ahahaha!"

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OOCO
>AJ
"SA"
~~

>...W-what?

"I said, I need you to carry my kid."

>...

"All the way, if that's okay with you."

>Wasn't aware ya' could do it halfway.

"Well, you CAN, but then it gets kinda gross."

>Ya' don't say.

"Soooo.... yes?"

>This is, uh... kinda a big thing, ain't it?

"Nahhhh, be over before you know it!"

>Can't believe Ah'm sayin' this, but since Cadence certainly ain't gonna-

"HAH!"

>-Eighteen won't... you know?

"She would if she could, but she's just not got the time. Big things happening, you know."

>Er, right....... Chrysalis not an option?

"Ahhhh, no, would prefer not."

>Can't blame ya...

"..."

>Well... well Ah' mean... do Ah' have ta' decide now?

"That would be best."

>...This mean a lot to you?

"The world, really."

>...fine...

"Really!?"

>Sure, fine.

"Oh, thank goodness! I was worried I was going to die without ever seeing it!"

>Valid fear, Ah' getcha. So... uh, how do we do this? Do Ah' need ta' do... paperwork?

"Nahhh, I'll handle all of that."

>Now yer' talkin'! So what do we do now?

"Pretty much just show up at the Empire PTA meeting and do the race with her. Two will be so excited!"

>Just hope Applebloom don't get jealous.

"Nahhh. Don't worry, I'll get the forms."

>...Be friggen easier just fer' me ta' ACTUALLY carry yer' kid.

"HA! That would be silly.'

>Yeah.

"...But would you?"

>....
"..."
>...
"...Erm, see you then!"

>Right.

SLAM!

>...Hrm...

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>Dash
"Lightning Dust."
~~~

"I don't like this."

>You've made that very, very clear.

"I'm just worried that, you know, they're going to pull something again, and I won't be able to catch them this time."

>I can see why, but they seem sorry for what they did, and think they had a good reason.

"It's the good reason part that worries me. Everybody who thinks they've got a good reason is more likely to keep doing it, because a doy... they had a good reason."

>Point, but they have a better reason not to.

"Still..."

>...hey, you've still got my back, right?

"Course, boss."

>Good, then there's nothing to worry about.

"Yeah... did they say anything, about me?"

>Like, mad that you stopped them say anything?

"Anything in general."

>Nope.

"...Hrm."

>Expecting something?

"You could say that."

>Heh, don't worry... I've got your back too.

"...thanks, boss."

>Element of Loyalty, after all.

"Yeah... and loyalty is important."

>Damn straight. Still worried?

"...Little bit less so."

>That's the spirit.

"...little bit less so..."

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 >QS
"14"
~~~

>...

"Is there a reason you're standing next to me?"

>Applejack says you're the only one who won't make fun of me because retaliation is easy.

"...ouch."

>If it makes you feel any better, I'm not gonna hit on you.

"Oh, of course, because I wouldn't want a MARE hitting on me or anything! Those were missions! THOSE WERE MISSIONS!

>Mare!? I'm a stallion! A STALLION! PURE STALLION!

"..."

>...

"...We should hang out more."

>Yeah, this seems nice.

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OOCO
>Pinkie
"Dash"
'Rarity'
[FS]
~~

>Okay, so, Rarity, you're back on posh duty. Our last one, uh... she's currently laying low.

[That's one way of putting it.]

>And I think I like my wildcards to be within certain boundaries, and there was clearly several lines and she crossed them all.

[...I turned your amusement park into a horror show once...]

>NEVERMIND! Point is, Rarity! Rarity is the thing!

'I actually have work to do. Princess work!'

>No you don't.

'...H-harsh.'

>Don't cry! Scold me! Scold me with your posh!

"Why are we still doing this show anyway? Didn't it get cancelled thanks to the last one?"

>Nope! In fact, my ratings went up there... wrap your head around that one.

'I try not to.'

>But on this episode of PINKIES PARTY CRASHERS! We're crashing... THIS PARTY!

'...What party?'

"Yeah, I don't see anything."

[It just looks like an abandoned building to me. Kind of run down, even.]

>Huuuh, weird. They said today was going to be a blast around her! It would blow everyone's socks off, they said! It was going to be the bomb!

"...Pinkie?"

>Yuh huh?

"Did they ever say anything about, ohhh, I dunno, demolishing the place?"

>Yeah, but weren't they talking about poor respect for the homeowners property?

"..."
'...'
[...]

>What?...Hey! What do you know! I found the party!... OH NO! I think those stacks of things are drugs! Don't bring drugs to parties, kids!

"Pinkie, those are plastique, I think."

>I don't care what those kids called it, Pinkie is all about being drug free!... Wait, why is that red light blinking?

[....snickerdoodles-

Boom

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"RD"
~~~~
>Welcome to Sort of Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content still matters, but some of them want to get used by you! Now for our main guest...RAINBOW DASH!!!
Applause

"What's up?"

>You're dead! Welcome to my realm.

"Wait, what? What do you m-"

>Sorry about that last party, but it really was THE BOMB...then it exploded...and you died.

"Oh no, what about Rarity, Fluttershy, and you? Did you all die too?"

>Oh no, they're alicorns. They're just fine.

"Then are you dead?"

>Oh, my very existence is questionable, but I'm alive. It's only you that died.

"No...NOOOO! Please tell me this is a prank, Pinkie!"

>I wish I can keep talking to you, but our time is up. Say goodbye everypony. We'll miss, Rainbow Dash. Time to escort you into the light.

"Pinkie, wait don't do this. I've still got a lot to-"
RD wakes up in a hospital bed.
"...live for?"

>Ayyy, don't worry you're still alive. I was just joking with you. Glad that you're awa-
RD starts strangling Pinkie.

"DO YOU SEE ME LAUGHING?"

>*grk*...okay...*glk*...I had this coming.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Maud"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and some of them want to abuse you! Now for our main guest...my sister Maud!!!
Applause

"Hello Pinkie."

>Great to see you sis. Now that you fought Shining Armor, are you heading back home?

"Eventually."

>Daddy says to bring back souvenirs.

"I will. I've been sampling for the best to take home."

>Awesome! He probably wants something for the rock soup. That's it for tonight and g'night everypony!
Maud wakes up.

"Time for breakfast."
She gets outside of the Crystal Castle, chisels out a piece of it and eats it.
*CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH gulps*
"This will definitely make good soup."
She spots the crystal heart.
"...so he wants souvenirs."

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OOCO
>AJ
"Chrysalis"
~~

>Ah'm tellin' ya', this ain't gonna work.

"It worked for Pinkie!"

>...No, no it didn't.

"Look, all I'm saying is, floating island! That would be awesome! Stick it right over the Empire and bam! Problem solved!"

>It almost crashed and killed everyone.

"We can fly! Changelings can ALL fly! Even the little kid! The baby can fly! This isn't an issue!"

>What about the crashin' part?

"I just said we can fly!"

>Can crystal ponies?

"We'd carry them off, no need to think we'd be assholes."

>What about the ponies beneath ya'?

"..."

>....

"...Okay, sliiiightly off to the side of the Empire?"

>Do ya'll know what 'impact point' means?

"Uh... Forty Two's favorite action movie starring Bronze Hoof?"

>...

"...Why must you shit on my dreams!?"

>Ah' feel like that's mah' destiny at this point, Ta' tell the truth...

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