[10:20 AM] C A S T L E O F N E P: ...You're gonna help me ara? I have a... very personal request.
[10:21 AM] C A S T L E O F N E P: it relates to my emotions and stuff
[10:21 AM] C A S T L E O F N E P: You've given good advice in the past.
[10:21 AM] C A S T L E O F N E P: I'm just asking since were friends and stuff
[10:27 AM] Aradia - Xayah: Sure what's up
[10:27 AM] C A S T L E O F N E P: It's really serious and personal that you must promise to never let word out
[10:30 AM] Aradia - Xayah: Absolutely
[10:31 AM] C A S T L E O F N E P: okay alright... Here goes... first a question
[10:31 AM] C A S T L E O F N E P: What would you do if someone rejects things not out of hate or fear but just because of really really bad experiences in the past?
[10:34 AM] Aradia - Xayah: Depends if the person's fine with rejecting these things or if they wanted to change that
[10:35 AM] C A S T L E O F N E P: something that's... kinda falls in the later
[10:36 AM] C A S T L E O F N E P: maybe? not sure?^it might not even change I'm not sure at all.
[1:08 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: Hey kat are you ok?
[1:08 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: I don't want to make you emotionally drained
[2:15 PM] Aradia - Xayah: Sorry I fell asleep
[2:15 PM] Aradia - Xayah: Continue
[2:51 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: Wait you stayed up late?
[2:52 PM] Aradia - Xayah: Yeah
[2:52 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: Aw you must have felt tired
[2:54 PM] Aradia - Xayah: Yeah ;;
[2:54 PM] Aradia - Xayah: But continue my deat
[2:54 PM] Aradia - Xayah: *dear
[2:55 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: okay um so
[2:55 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: as of these past months
[2:55 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: like since april-may
[2:56 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: I have been having that kind of issue
[2:58 PM] Aradia - Xayah: Like?
[2:58 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: okay uh. This is gonna be... a sensitive topic
[3:00 PM] Aradia - Xayah: Go ahead
[3:02 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: okay...
[3:03 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: It... involves trans people I guess.
[3:03 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: I'll explain if you let me...
[3:06 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: You see. Like ever since april I've met real unplesant ones that have like really hurt my feelings. I tried to understand them a few times but it always ended up backfiring and them insulting me a LOT even thought I didn't mean to insult anybody and then there's also been a few ones who try to stomp on my ships flats. Basically my perception of them isn't really... favorable. Like they literally dropped me over a ship, insulted  and threathened me, treated me with anger, mocked me and things like that. It really put a dent in my perception of them. Like up until april of this year my perception of them was... very neutral.
[3:08 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: but now because of recent events I've began like to reject trans headcanons... I think it has probably to do with the bad experiences i've had with them. Now I understand there are good peoples on that side but... It's just I've ran into more of the shitty ones, you know like really shitty ones which I have to note I've run into the grand total of plenty.(edited)
[3:10 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: sorry if my wording's kinda rushy I meant I met more bad, argumentative, hurtful and conflictive ones...
[3:10 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: but I've genuinely found only like one nice one.
[3:11 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: You know twonks? They even went as far to threathen me to get me banned over what they didn't like about me and they said they'd try to get the mods to ban me in hsd as if like they had leverage over them.
[3:13 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: Alex who is also trans as well is really conflictive and argumentative and generates drama out of nowhere. They have this really shitty personality comparable to vriska but the dial is cranked to 11 and on top of that they mock people who don't ship kanaya or dirk like how they want.  Not only that I've seen that they're also visibly arrogant... no wonder I'm suprised they're on their last warning
[3:13 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: and thirdeye... I tried to understand them but they took the miscommunication as trying to offend them which i'd never do because I was trying to understand and give support but it ended up backfiring and they went mean on me
[3:14 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: and the ones on hvsd? If didn't agree with them on something they like really whaled on me and wouldn't care about my emotions at all.(edited)
[3:15 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: what brings all of those in common were really bad experiences with them
[3:16 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: The only good trans person I've literally seen is dawooya. She's nice in a kinda motherly kind of way
[3:16 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: I really respect them and stuff.
[3:17 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: literally when I spoke to them about this yesterday they were nice and understanding and I wish I could really see more that often instead of insults and trying to call me mean stuff
[3:19 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: I'm not kidding kat I really wanted to cry when Dawooya treated me really nicely with patience and understanding and stuff like it. Having my emotions treated seriously and listened to instead of lashing to me
[3:19 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: I'm sure everyone knows at this point and I've made it clear over and over that I'm really overtly emotional.
[3:20 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: but that also I don't really mean to aim or hurt someone unless like they really hurt me
[3:20 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: ...That's all sorry for the wall of text
[3:58 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: ...Tell me when you have read it.
[5:35 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: Anyway uh sorry for being a bother with my wall of text
[5:49 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: Fuck today was kinda  rollercoaster
[8:07 PM] C A S T L E O F N E P: I think I'm emotionally exhausted

***Please read the entire thing***


I was the mystery alt account person who sent you all that stuff. I tried to show that I genuinely care about you and your life came off very wrong and I looked like an asshole.There are three truths to this approach I did... Truth number one is I honestly and genuinely don't like the idea of someone going through such thing especially if their mental is not very good... Which is what I saw with you being rather unstable in the gore channel with all that self surgery stuff which is honestly not pretty good and that's why It was my main motivation to discourage you because someone like you can't take that suffering which is not false because... I honestly heard trans people have a high suicide percentage, sure some of it was attributed to society but I believe it's about unstable mental health that's more prevalent... Fragile psyche and all that stuff and I don't really want anyone to die bc of it. Truth number two...  My lil sister did self harm twice and when she told me about it I really got upset bc I really care about her and I didn't want her to die or anything because of something stupid as self bodyshaming because that'd mean I'd lose honestly the only person who unironically I can relate and speak to irl like some kind of strong sibling bond... I insulted her but I hugged her as well I kinda showed her a bit of though love in what I said bc I really cared about her and even then I easily get upset when someone decides to actually harm themselves (granted if it's someone I genuinely care about) because I can't honestly stand the thought of someone dying (unless someone genuinely manages to piss me off too much) and back to my sis when I did the tough love she understood why I felt like that, she understands I do give a genuine shit about her life and how much she meant to me. Truth number three and the most important Truth of all... I don't think before acting. I've been told I go gung ho, acting without thinking of the consequences and letting my emotions dictate my actions so If I feel strongly enough to take action over something it means I honestly care about it... So in the end I may not even mean to hurt someone! I admit what happened wasn't right or the right way to clarify it... What I was trying to tell you in that moment was "I don't think this is a good idea please don't put yourself through this" not "I fucking hate you asshat" but it came out so wrongly that it was interpreted as the later. I do get said I'm smart but Truth be told I'm honestly missing a few screws in my head.

Okay that's all thanks for listening... I hope you don't hold it against me but in the case you still feel angry over it... Feel free to post in the gore channel it was me because I honestly and fairly deserve to have my dick cut off for upsetting you that much when I didn't mean to honestly lash at you that bad.

Again sorry.

***Please go up and read from the beginning***