ododododo

It's night, it's cold, and there's something thin and empty hanging in the air. You're outside. At this time of night, there's nobody else out. There are – of course – your eight bodyguards, but you've ordered them to wear black so you can't see them.

It's ten o'clock and you need to think.

You're walking down a street, and all the shops are closed. The stars are out, but there's a seething, viscous shroud of clouds. It's pretty fucking dark. Why aren't there any streetlights? It's been the last thing on your mind. The economic recession, the cyberattacks, and now a fucking superstate controlling people's minds through an alien fungus. Supposedly.

Who the hell knows anymore? It's a strange world.

There's a flash of light, from the corner of your vision. Shit. It's barely a glimmer from here. You turn.

A rectangle of bright light from across the street.

There's nobody on the road, so you cross it. Tap tap tap.

It's a television store. Sixteen screens, glassy and vacant – dead, resting, passed on, ceased to be, expired and gone to meet their makers, stiff, bereft of life, resting in peace, they’ve kicked the bucket, shuffled off their mortal coils, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. These are ex-televisions.

But right in the centre, there’s a rebelly telly, and it’s certainly on.

There’s static.

Just static.

Fucking static.

You're muttering under your breath. "What the fuck?"

You're about to turn away – in the long list of grotesquely surreal things, from mushrooms abandoning their natural order as subservient to human cooking, to bullets that can set things on fire, this ranks right near the bottom.

Then the static and the white dissolves.

You're staring at the godlike, mesmerising face of Valéria Magalhães Pinto, Premier of the State Council of the People's Republic of Brazil.

You're instantly transfixed.

“Let me be clear. I do not want my words twisted here. The United States is a hostile organisation. President Ishtar of the United States of America is a liar, and has lied to us.”

What?

“The esteemed General Secretary of the Socialist Republic of Venezuela has told you why the United States, in making these wild and sensationalistic claims, is hypocritical. He has told you about how the USA sprayed 20 million gallons of chemicals on the forests and farmlands of Vietnam with the explicit intention of starving its people into submission – one million Vietnamese people today live with the legacy of this coordinated chemical weapons attack. He has told you, that in 2003, the United States used white phosphorus against Iraqi civilians, indiscriminately rained white chemical fire down on Fallujah and melting women and children to death.

“He has reminded you that the United States continues to use tear gas, a chemical weapon banned in warfare since 1993, against its own people, in order to qualm their protests. He has told you about how the American empire is built on the backs of millions of African slave labourers, world conquest and subjugation, and the oppression of racial minorities.

“But we are not here to remind you of the hypocrisy and deceitfulness of the American government, this is already well-known. In Mein Kampf, Hitler wrote of a lie, so utterly “colossal" that no one would believe that someone "could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously.” We broadcast to the world today, to tell you about the largest deception the United States has ever spun.”

Your breath hitches.

“The United States is mired in an economic recession. Its people are angry. Angry at their President, angry at their country for abandoning them in a time of need. Protests and rebellions, we hear, have ravaged the United States, and have been ruthlessly suppressed. And suddenly – miraculously, even – there is an enemy. The United States was rescued from the Great Depression from World War Two. After the war had finished, they created a new enemy – the Soviet Union, which justified global imperialist conquest, militarisation to levels unseen in the history of human civilisation, and the development of world-ending nuclear weapons. Perhaps President Ishtar, his popularity at historic lows, believes that a third world war will be necessary to save his regime. And how will he do this? He will invent an enemy, and for those gullible enough to believe his implausible lies, frightened by this unearthly apparition, will once again come under the wing of American military hegemony.

“Four days ago, we sent an unarmed volunteer group across the border. We sent them to establish peaceful contact with the Federation, to assess the validity of the USA’s claims – which, I remind you, are supposedly based on questionable ‘anonymous drone footage’. We expected to find a hostile totalitarian state. We found nothing of the kind.

“We found no slaves, no chemical weapons. This is emotional deception – very rarely is the world divided along the lines of good and evil, and even rarer still does the United States of America find itself on the side of good. In fact, every single negative allegation made by President Ishtar is utterly, irredeemably false in every aspect. Of all of the allegations made by President Ishtar, only one is correct – the Federation wishes to advance humanity, to become a spacefaring civilisation. The Federation, in fact, is a unified, democratic, participatory, multi-party government. They do not wish to invade us or conquer us. In fact, the very first messages we received from the Federation were messages telling us to leave them in peace. It is a dubious fantasy that President Ishtar lives in, if he is to have us believe that the Federation are war-mongering barbarians – the opposite is true. Within its borders, racial tensions have been transcended, poverty has ceased to become a fact of life, and conflict has faded into the ancient past. We found schools and hospitals, public parks and beaches. We found people motivated by the Divine Message, sent to them from above. There is no slavery and subjugation in the Foundation. There is love and harmony. They desire peace, but also independence – and who are we to deny them that right, so enjoyed by all of us?

“I call all freedom-loving nations of the world to make peaceful contact with the Federation themselves, to know for themselves what we now know as truth, and to decide whether the United States, an aberrant superpower drunk on blood, should be made aware of the consequences of manipulating the international community so ostentatiously.

“Thank you.”

The television turns off.

***

Four hours later, the broadcast has gone viral and spread all around the world.