You are Microsoft Sam and Oranje Peal, a pair of low-level Fiend Detectives in the Fourth Circle of the Grand City of Hell. You are new to the force and are being sent on your first call. Supposedly a powerful Archdaemon was gruesomely murdered in his home late last night. Both of you are quite nervous; this is a surprisingly important case to be your first. You enter the crime scene, the Archdaemon's bedroom, and look around, seeing very little at first. There is a broken window with some smashed glass on the floor.
 You note that the carpet has been quite literally shredded and flayed; it has not been shredded, in this case, with any tool one would ever imagine for such a thing, but torn with the teeth of some horrible beast.
 You spot a sharp claw or talon mark in the rug and see similar claw marks in the slain Daemon's bedsheets.
> microsoft Sam detects with his [EYE] skill (1d20) to SEE a Clue (rare item).
 The Glamorous Claw is a six-inch black metal claw, presumably belonging to whatever beast is responsible for the carnage.
Oranje Peal inspects the body of the Archdaemon, writing down its extensive and gory injuries in their notebook.
 While you observe the body, you can't help but be slightly disgusted and repulsed. This creature has been quite literally devoured by something. The torn, chewed flesh in many places, as well as the indications of violent, enraged gnashing of the teeth on several body parts, make it hard for you to keep a cool head. You turn away from the body for a moment to compose yourself.
You then glance at the clothes that the Archdaemon was wearing. One of the sleeves is torn nearly in half. There is some blood on the shirt cuff, and a small black metal bullet on the floor next to the window, as if it had fallen there after being fired from the Archdaemon's revolver. Oranje Peal takes a picture of the clothes with their camera.
Microsoft Sam deploys the ROLLERDRONE (Technical Item Lv2) to SCAN the area for BIOLOGICAL MATTER THAT ISN'T THE ARCHDAEMON (1d20) in hopes of revealing additional information about the attacker.
 The robot drone reveals a trail of footprints in the dust, some of which may belong to the attacker. It also reveals a clue that the attacker is nocturnal, since it apparently spent all of the day asleep in a nearby bush. The prints indicate that the beast either slept in the bush or that it used the bush as cover while coming into the house to kill the Archdaemon.
Oranje Peal picks up the bullet that was on the floor near the window and inspects it. They then take a picture with their camera.
Oranje Peal takes out his Hellphone and calls in to the station. He asks his fellow detectives if they know anything about a nocturnal creature brutally murdering people. He also asks them how long they've had a nocturnal monster in Hell.
While you wait for the station to reply, Microsoft Sam takes out their own Hellphone and turn it on. There is a new message from Mike Haggar. Mike Haggar is an old friend from when he ran Hell Enterprises, your former boss. He says he can see a dark and frightening future for your career with the police. He tells you to be very careful, especially with the Daemon's death.
 You can't help but notice how this crime has also increased Mike Haggar's fortune. Mike Haggar had worked with the Archdaemon before, apparently becoming friends. Your boss recently discovered a rather large amount of gold in an old mine, and now has a substantial fortune, at least compared to most people in Hell. Now it appears he also has a dark side, that of a speculator who could make any of us all rich if he could find the right thing to sell us, and sell us very quickly.
Finally, the station returns Oranje's call. "We only have one report," the voice on the phone says, "of a creature that could have killed a Daemon. A lumberjack named Make Haggar heard it outside his house while he was going to bed about half an hour before the murder."
Oranje Peal turns to you in confusion. "Are you telling me the one person we have to ask about the case is Make Haggar? How the hell do we even begin to investigate that?"
Microsoft Sam is quiet and shifts on their hooves uncomfortably, glancing down at their hellphone before burying it in their chest. "One thing at a time," they reply.
Oranje Peal just stares blankly at them, and then at their notebook. "Let me do the talking," he says as you leave the bedroom, walking out into the hall and going downstairs.
You enter the living room, which has a few paintings on the walls, some furniture, and some Hellfire brand, fully-automatic weapons in a large wooden case on the wall, apparently some kind of trophy. Oranje Peal is visibly nervous.
Oranje Peal slimes his way over to one of the weapons, taking it from the case and stowing it on his back in case he encounters any trouble. The firearm appears to have a bit of weight to it, which probably has to do with the ammunition: its bullets are all filled with hellfire and have to be loaded one by one by hand. Oranje Peal pulls a single bullet out of their pocket and loads it in, checking to make sure it's seated, then loads a second bullet as backup.
The glass door leading to the back porch is still open; perhaps you can find further clues there.
Microsoft Sam would normally take issue with removing items from the scene, but these are extraordinary circumstances. They check their own revolver - five shots, missing one, as usual. They give the barrel a spin before holstering it again. "We should give this room a looking-over," they suggest. "Maybe there'll be something."
The house is clearly empty, so you begin to examine the room more thoroughly.
You step over to one of the paintings. One of the pieces seems odd; it looks like some kind of artwork by someone you don't know, a painting of a figure holding a long, pointed black metal stick, with its other hand raised, as though holding some kind of stone. You notice something about the stick: the handle is wrapped in some kind of rope, which appears to have a long, feather-like object tied to it, or perhaps it is the feather itself that is wrapped around the handle, as if to resemble the hair of an exotic dancer.
Oranje Peal hears a frightening sound from outside of the house. He steps out onto the porch, holding the hellfire rifle in both hands, and looks around nervously. While he looks around the area, he does keep an eye out for any clues.
A long, spiny shadow emerges from the bushes. "Hello there," it says, in a voice that could only belong to a demon, possibly Oranje Peal himself! It speaks with a very distinct, gruff voice that hints at experience and knowledge. You can hear a growl deep within the voice as it speaks.
"What the hell is this?!" Oranje Peal shouts in fear as he holds the hellfire gun up. His fear seems to grow as he realizes he is surrounded by spiny plants and weeds all around. There are strange, luminous mushrooms, or something that looks a lot like mushrooms, all around the area; he apparently doesn't know what they are, but their presence doesn't help his nervous state. He fires the weapon, blasting a mushroom to pieces.
A fiendish voice from Oranje Peal's mind replies. "You think you can hurt me with that?"
Oranje Peal recites an incantation he learned that can repel some demons.
The voice replies in the same tone as before. "I am not a demon; I am the Monster."
Microsoft Sam is quiet as the strange creature makes itself known. The creature seems to have its own voice, and seems to be a telepath.
The creature now speaks in a more pleasant tone. "You need to kill that fiendish spawn. He does not understand the power he holds and does not realize the kind of things that could be done if he mastered that power.
Sam stands behind Peal, hooves braced, one hand near their revolver, not that it would help. "Who?", he asks in reply. "Mike?"
A demonic laugh from the creature sounds out; it seems to be having fun at Oranje Peal's expense. "He was going to tell you I was the one who killed that Daemon. But I am the one who brought that beast down." A spry hand extends from the darkness, and in it, the pallid head of some hawk-creature, beak ajar and eyes glazed. It looks to have been torn from its head.
The Monster drops the head and grunts as it splatters on the ground. "He'd have told you a lie. A convenient one. A way to make sure no one could blame him if his 'business' got out of hand."
Oranje Peal looks up at the Monster with a puzzled expression on his face. "What is this all about? What are you?" He still holds the hellfire rifle in both hands as he looks up at the beast.
The Monster laughs again. "I don't want to ruin the surprise! Let's just say I am someone who can show you the way to the truth."
Oranje Peal looks around. "So here's my takeaway, and you just stop me if I'm wrong. Someone is trying to frame you for the murder of this archdaemon, but you actually killed the thing that killed the archdaemon? Who is trying to frame you?"
The monster doesn't answer. Instead, a glowing green line appears under Oranje Peal's slimy worm body. He takes a nervous slither back from it. "It's alright, the lines go right back out into the bush," the monster says, though Peal isn't quite sure how he can tell that. The monster takes another step closer, and Peal jumps back, accidentally dropping the hellfire rifle. The monster quickly picks it up and throws it into the bushes before Peal can get a grasp on it. He turns back to you and gives a nod as he calms down somewhat. The monster grins a vicious grin at the two of you as he closes the distance between himself and the two of you.
"Now I just want you to relax and listen to my instructions," the Monster says. "Don't even try to attack me." He looks to the gun as he says this, implying he can take care of himself against any weapon that might be aimed in his direction. "Now, you two need to start by answering some questions for me."
 You take the opportunity to examine the Monster a bit more carefully as he moves towards you.
The creature is clearly of mixed lineage. Its body is composed of a series of thin and wiry tentacles, thinly placed over a spongy and fibrous flesh. This is actually not uncommon in Hell; many creatures here are born from a monster seed, which splits into many pieces. Some of the most common variations in the monster-maker department are squids, sea serpents, and slimes.
Oranje Peal himself is a kind of worm monster. He says: "Fine, please ask." He clearly is not sure what this creature could be capable of. He has never seen anything like it in his life, so he doesn't know what to expect.
"Excellent! Let's start with names, then." The Monster's voice takes a softer tone.
The monster looks at each of you individually, pausing to let the other go ahead.
"Uh," Sam stammers, realising that lesser demons should not speak their names to greater demons. "It's... Jericho." He glances to his partner with a sort of wide-eyed expression, as if to prompt the same memory.
The Monster looks to Oranje Peal for a moment, considering him silently before making his next statement. "And you?"
"Uh..." begins Oranje Peal, seemingly getting the message. "M-my name is... um... Cantyloap.... .... Rhyned..." he says as he squirms, then glances up at the creature before him, clearly terrified of it. "Call me... uh... Rhyned."
 The Monster seems pleased with your responses. He chuckles slightly as he responds, "You can call me Grumball."
"My next question is... why do you think you were sent down here?" the Monster asks. "Why are you here in this world, and how do you expect to survive?"
Microsoft Sam looks to Orange Peal for a moment. "Yeah, I'll be right back." He steps away for a moment. The Monster laughs again as Oranje whispers to his partner in a hushed tone, which, of course, the monster cannot overhear. "I want to go back upstairs."
"To do what?"
"Bag evidence," he replies, just as hushed. "In case the house, y'know, *disappears*." He waggles his fingers in the air, a strange gesture whose meaning isn't immediately apparent.
Grumball looks displeased. "You can't just leave mid-conversation," he huffs sternly. "Now, come - humour me - what are two little imps-" his tone raises as he spits the word like a ruler snapping against a table- "Doing, investigating the *murder* of an Archdaemon? Did the force not have detectives to spare?"
 Sam stares at Grumball, utterly baffled by the question. They glance briefly at their notebook.
"Well, uh, I was just doing the job I was assigned..." gently protests Oranje Peal, looking to the floor almost as if in shame of his relatively low station in hell. He has ambitions to be a much bigger worm... or a bigger demon... or something.
Grumball smirks, walking closer to you. He squints at Microsoft Sam and glances at the gun in their holster.
"Oh, come on now, give us some credit," Sam retorts indignantly.
"We're quite good investigators, really! Probably!" Oranje Peal insists, backing up Sam. He takes a diplomatic tone. "But listen. We're here to seek justice in this situation, and I'm sure that's what you want too, right? I bet we can help each other!"
Grumball stops as he approaches. His grin widens and his voice grows deeper, more powerful. "I like you. You know when to stop asking questions. This is what I want: I want you to find out who is trying to frame me."
Sam glances to the ground and thinks on it for a moment. He kicks at the gravel casually. "We could certainly try, sir, " he murmurs, looking back up at Grumball. "But you'll have to give us some time to get to work. We don't have much to go on here."
Grumball looks to Sam suspiciously for a moment. "It's... fine. I will give you two days." He holds up two bony fingers. "Two. I shan't be able to hide long, so light a fire in your pants and get to running along."
Oranje Peal nods in agreement. "Alright. Now we're getting somewhere. What should we look for?"
The Monster looks to the ground as he thinks, scratching his chin in deep thought. "Well, you have the location, I have the time. I saw the beast enter the window at two in the morning. Two shots went off. I had just gotten up for a snack."
Oranje Peal, embodying the circle in which he resides, asks the Monster: "Hey, so... do you have like, a kickass sword I could have or something? You know, to defend myself in case I should encounter any danger on this mission?" He is already grasping at straws to see if he can get out of this or not.
Grumball replies, "Yeah, I guess. I have a pretty wicked sword that could do some damage." The Monster reaches into his robes and takes out a massive broadsword, with a gleaming blade that is longer than a human's arm, with a silver handle and an ebony handle wrapped in white rope. He turns it over in his hands for a moment.
Oranje Peal grins. "Can I have it?"
Grumball hands the sword over to Oranje Peal, who stows it on his back.
"Do you have any leads to follow other than that? Was anyone else there that might have seen anything...?" Oranje Peal is quite nervous about all of this. He's still unsure why the force put such a fledgling pair of detectives on such an important case, and he really doesn't want to mess it up. If he gets this right, his ambitions of becoming an even bigger worm could be at hand...
"Well, the beast was there for about an hour, and then it left." A pause. "Then I killed it and sucked its juices out of its neck."
Sam nods, looking at the gored head of the hawk-beast still resting lopsided on the floor. "Right. And you said you heard two shots?"
"Yes," the Monster replies. "Two shots."
Oranje Peal looks at their notes.
Oranje Peal posits: "Maybe we missed a bullet up there... but you know, we should really be looking more into the monster at this point, since we already know who killed the Archdaemon and when. Did the creature you killed have any significant features other than uh..." Oranje Peal motions generally to its grisly remains, "what we see here?"
"It was a wretched thing, nearly as frightening as myself and certainly suited to eviscerating an Archdaemon. It had a red pelt and some sort of saddle, and wore a ring." The Monster replies. He examines the creature, staring at its details. "It also had two black horns on its head and a single red eye."
Oranje Peal nods solemnly. "I'll check the HELL DATABASE to see if any monsters that are registered therein match its description." You use your HELLPHONE to browse the database, trying to find a monster like the one described.
 You discover a match: The beast that the Monster killed is a rare monster known as "The Razorbeak". The creature is nocturnal, aggressive, and enjoys fighting its enemies with its talons and beak. The beast can kill most creatures with its beak, and its talons are capable of tearing flesh.
While Peal checks the HELL DATABASE, Sam wanders over to the bush where the Hellfire rifle resides. The brambles have seized it, but Sam's hide is thick, and it only prickles a little as he pulls the firearm free. "That's quite a rifle," he says. "Heavy, and well-built. Not your ordinary calibre."
The Monster nods. "It's built for big game. Very heavy, but it holds quite the kick. The Archdaemon's favourite."
"I'm looking at the Razorbeak's entry in the HELL DATABASE and it says in the notes that it was known to associate with a demon known as "The Befuddled Beast", "Oranje Peal says as he looks up from his notes. He doesn't seem to know much about the monster's personality other than what was noted on its entry in the database, which describes it as "frightening and aggressive".
Oranje Peal searches for the Befuddled Beast in his database. He quickly finds the entry. "And, ah, here we go. He's an imp who was once a demon called "Verkig", but he's been missing for some time now."
 You investigate the Befuddled Beast's entry.
 Verkig's entry describes him as a demon who became enraged when he found out his boss had cheated him out of a promotion. He killed the Daemon in charge and escaped through the window. His whereabouts since the incident have been unknown.
Oranje Peal reads this aloud to the others. He continues, "The Daemon he killed was named "Zonthorn" and it says here he was an Archdaemon."
"A pattern of violence," Sam points out, holding the enormous rifle like a staff. "Our vic likely had business with Verkig, if this pattern holds. I guess we won't need a warrant to check the guy's docs..."
Oranje Peal glances up at the Monster. "Do you know anything about the Befuddled Beast or Verkig?"
Grumball is quiet for a moment. "Yes, I remember Verkig. He was always a bit of an angry one. I recall he went missing."
"He's probably on the run... perhaps he hired the Befuddled Beast to do his dirty work. Were you close with the Archdaemon...?" asks Oranje Peal.
"Zonthorn? No. We didn't speak much," the Monster replies.
Sam holds his chin in thought. "We need to look into Verkig," they murmur.
Oranje Peal nods in agreement.
"Well, off we go then. Nice meeting you, Grumball!" Oranje Peal thinks about his cool sword as he casually leaves the crime scene to return to the station and report their findings to their superior. They inform their superior that they need to find Verkig immediately because they suspect he's responsible for the murder of a second Archdaemon, which would make him one of the most infamous killers the Fourth Circle had ever seen!
 "That's interesting, indeed," the superior says as he listens. He does not seem pleased at the prospect of a more famous killer. "Why is it that you believe Verkig is the killer?"
 Oranje Peal thinks for a moment.
"It seems obvious. The Befuddled Beast is a known associate of Verkig, and it provably killed Zonthorn. Verkig worked for Zonthorn, and Verkig has a pattern of killing his bosses. We think Verkig hired the Befuddled Beast to kill Zonthorn." Oranje Peal does a quick check to make sure that his logic is sound.
 "I see," the superior says, rubbing his chin. He looks to a diagram of the Hellish organization. "Let's see... we can send a team of two to try to locate Verkig in the Abyss... so who would you like to send?"
 You think for a moment.
 Who would you like to send?
 >
"Ah, I know," says the superior, "Oranje Peal and Microsoft Sam!" He writes your names down. He then writes down the location where Verkig might be found. "Verkig is most likely to be in the Abyss," he says.
 You take your leave from the station. You are now on a case that will take you and your partner to the Abyss of the Damned, just off the Hell Highway at the lowest level of Hell. You both pile into your imp police car, a tiny vehicle suitable only for the smallest of Hell's denizens, and start off towards the nearest gas station as you're low on fuel.
 "Wait," Oranje Peal says as they drive away from the station. They look over at their partner.
 "Do you even know where the Abyss is?" asks Peal.

Sam glances to their partner as if unprepared for the question, then opens the glovebox above their footwell and pulls out a large novelty mapbook for tourists. "I mean, it's literally just off the highway after you hit the first level, right?", they ponder aloud, tracing a blunt claw across the lines. "We just have to... erm..." Sam scratches their chin. "Wait, actually, you're the navigator. I'm not sure I can read Hellish road maps."
 Oranje Peal looks at the map. They flip through the pages to the map of the First Circle, all the while somehow dodging traffic.
The map of Hell is extremely complicated, perhaps hellishly so. The two pull into a gas station, where they get out and Oranje Peal continues to try to understand the map. While Sam refuels the car, Oranje Peal enters a random encounter with a Gasoline Ghoul and is forced to savagely attack it with his sword.
 You stand over the corpse of the Gasoline Ghoul. You are covered in its sticky, burning goo. The corpse is burning.
 Oranje Peal checks his notebook for information regarding Gasoline Ghouls. He takes some pictures with his camera.
 "Hey, I've got an idea. Let's take a look at the rest of the monster database before we go down into the Abyss. I don't think we've seen all the monsters this monster database has to offer!"
Oranje Peal goes down a long list of monsters, incuding: "The Befuddled Beast", "The Razorbeak", "The Hellhound", and many other creatures, as well as some old monsters that haven't been seen for decades. You continue your journey, going through the circles until you reach the Abyss, the deepest pit of Hell.
List of 10 monsters in the HELL DATABASE:
1. The Razorbeak
2. The Hellhound
3. The Befuddled Beast
4. The Insanity Mongrel
5. The Vindicator
6. The Nemesis
7. The Lamentation
8. The Mourned
9. The Malediction
10. The Moaner
 Oranje Peal stops and thinks for a moment.
 "Well, that's all the monsters we need to know about. I hope I don't encounter the Moaner."
Sam drives the imp car into a sick highway loop-de-loop with a boostpad at the end, sending them over a pit of black fire, plummeting downwards into the Abyss, the deep bottom of the great pit. You appear to have arrived at a desolate waste. It's just as barren and lifeless as any of the other circles in Hell.
"Shortcut!" Sam cheers, pumping the handbrake and bringing the car to a sidelong stop. Sam pops open the glovebox again, this time fishing out a gun, a large revolver that has a few extra barrels and an over-and-under slide. They examine the gun, spinning it a few times, and then slide it back into the glovebox, as if satisfied with what they've found. "I got that for levelling up," he announces proudly, "for finding the shortcut."
 Sam flips through the map. "No, the monster we're looking for should be around here... we must be close, I think." They look around for a moment.
 You examine the environment.
 It is a barren and desolate wasteland.
Oranje Peal wonders what kind of ghouls might live in the Abyss. He mentions that he's heard that demons called "Slime Ghouls" are a common feature of the Abyss.
 Sam looks around. "Where the hell are we? There's nothing here."
"Oh, there's something here," Oranje Peal replies, not as panicked as Sam.
"Verkig. This is the perfect place to hide out. No demon would willingly come here, except us because we're worms that must do our masters' bidding," Oranje Peal says, surprisingly bitterly. "Anyway, I think he went this way," Oranje Peal says before setting off in a random direction into the Dark Dunes.
 Oranje Peal heads off through the sand.
 You look around. It's a barren and desolate wasteland.
 Oranje Peal shouts "Verkig!" from far away.
 There is no response.
Sam is carrying his new cool revolver and the big rifle he found in the dead Archdemon's house. He slogs behind Peal, weighed down, panting. "I don't think he's here," the imp manages to cough out, choking somewhat on the acrid air of the Dark Dunes. "I think we should turn back."
Oranje Peal sighs, squinting against the sand. "I guess you're right," he says reluctantly, then suddenly turns around.
 You have been attacked by an aggressive Lizardman!
 Lizardman Lvl 1 - The lizardman is a monster from the Fifth Circle, though this one has lived its whole life in the Abyss.
Oranje Peal immediately hits the Lizardman with an overhead chop from his sword.
 You cut the Lizardman clean in half.
 The lizardman has been defeated.
The two of you are now covered in Lizardman guts and blood. You are quite covered in a viscous, oily substance.
Out of the corpse of the lizardman bursts an abyss phantom. It screams, causing your ears to hurt horrendously, and advances upon you.
 You have been attacked by an abyss phantom!
 Abyss Phantom Lvl 4 - The Abyss Phantom is a monster from the Abyss, and is one of the most powerful monsters in the Abyss.
The abyss phantom is a disgusting creature, half slime and half mist, with a hideous maw of razor sharp teeth. You can see deep into its maw, into the dark pit of its throat, where even more teeth lie, waiting to rend and tear. You are not sure how the thing breathes.
Microsoft Sam Deploys the THUNDERVOLVER, the cool revolver he got for levelling up! He shoots like a billion times ahh bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang.
 You hit the abyss phantom a billion times. The abyss phantom has been defeated!
 Your new revolver has been levelled up to Level 2.
 The abyss phantom is defeated.
You win.
Oranje Peal suddenly gets a stroke of enlightenment, perhaps bestowed upon him by a higher power. He reaches down and scoops up a handful of the Abyss Phantom's ghostly remains and recites a strange incantation that causes his eyes to glow. He blows the powder into the abyssal wind, causing it to scatter in tendril-like plumes that all twist against the wind, pointing them towards Verkig.
 The wind carries the powder to Verkig.
Verkig is standing near a cliff, his head bowed down and his hand rubbing his chin in thought. Suddenly, an incorporeal tendril wraps around the demon and drags him down into the ground. He is immediately notified of our presence by means of being thrown about a kilometre in our direction, which he tanks like a total badass because falling damage doesn't exist in Hell.
 You have been attacked by a possessed Verkig!
 Verkig Lvl Cool - Verkig is an imp from the Fourth Circle. He was once a demon, but he fell from grace. He now serves the Queen of the Abyss, the leader of all demons.
Microsoft sam is immediately frightened by Verkig's Cool Level, which is off the charts. He looks at Oranje Peal nervously, but Peal seems unfazed. "Let me take the lead on this, Sam."
 Sam looks at you nervously. They're still quite afraid of Verkig.
 You notice that Verkig's eyes have turned completely black.
"There's only so many archdaemons you can kill and potentially get away with it, Verkig, and it turns out the number of those that that is is one," Oranje Peal says, kind of fucking up his cool line at the end. "Anyway, come to prison." Verkig gets ready to kick your ass but Oranje Peal interrupts by using a fire spell to burn him.
 Verkig gets hurt by the spell. He gets the debuff SCALDED FINGERS, which reduces his DEXTERITY by 2 and CHARISMA by 1.
Sam follows up by activating the secret mode on his cool new revolver: ROLL-O-PINS! They flip the revolver in the air and catch it with their feet. The gun spins. Sam catches it with his feet and flips it again. He catches the gun with his feet and flips it again. He catches the gun with his feet and flips it again. He catches the gun with his feet and flips it again. He catches the gun with his feet and flips it again. He catches the gun with his feet and flips it again.
Due to RPG MOVE PARALYSIS, Verkig and Peal are unable to do anything but watch Sam's ROLL-O-PINS REVOLVER MODE!
 Microsoft Sam fires the ROLL-O-PINS REVOLVER MODE at Verkig. It's not a pinball machine gun!
Sam continues to shoot Verkig with his ROLL-O-PINS REVOLVER MODE over and over and over and over. The ROLL-O-PINS REVOLVER MODE runs out of ROLLS eventually and Sam's HUNGER debuff wears off. Sam uses his HELLPHONE to consult the HUNGER METRIC. It sits at a terrible 11/10. Sam feels like he hasn't eaten anything all day.
Verkig releases a powerful psychic blast, healing himself somewhat and inflicting nightmarish abyssal visions of all the people he killed in the past.
 You are under the effect of the NIGHTMARE debuff, reducing your HAPPINESS to -15.
Oranje Peal puts his sword away and tries to look like he's ready to take on Verkig.
Oranje Peal closes his eyes, and casts the most powerful spell he knows upon Verkig: ZAP-ZAP, which inflicts 100 damage and paralyzes Verkig for a while.
 The ZAP-ZAP spell has been cast on Verkig.
 Verkig is unable to move.
Oranje Peal then runs in for a savage combo with his sword, but slips upon an abyssal banana peel, causing him to fall into the sand and be stunned for one turn.
 You have been stunned by a banana peel.
Verkig uses a terrible psychic attack. You are hit by the terrible psychic attack and are inflicted with the FATIGUE debuff, which decreases your STRENGTH by 3 and CHARISMA by 1.
Despite the visions of the single mushroom Peal killed, Sam fights through and deploys the ARCHDAEMON'S HELLFIRE RIFLE. Over the course of several hours dilated into mere seconds by RPG TURN PARALYSIS, Sam machines the Glamourous Claw they found at the start into a Glamourous Clawbullet, which he loads into the Hellfire Rifle. He pulls the trigger and fires, the Glamourous Clawbullet rapidly finding its way to its Target: Verkig!
 Target: Verkig has been shot by an Archdaemon's Hellfire Rifle, inflicting CHEKHOV'S CLAW upon Verkig, who is defeated. He gains the debuff NARRATIVE COHESION, which prevents him from breaking out of the narrative for ten turns.
 Microsoft Sam and Oranje Peal are victorious.
Sam gains a level, levelling up to Level 4. Peal gains two levels, levelling up to Level 5.
Due to his newfound levels, Oranje Peal grows by 25%. He looks much bigger now.
"Yippee! I got bigger! Alsso, Verkig is dead. That's awesome. Good job, Sam," says Oranje Peal nonchalantly, while looking around at the thick black fog that rolls over the abyss infinitely. "I hope the Abyss Queen won't be mad about this."
Sam stands over Verkig, breathing heavily, wiping off their brow. "I guess it's over," they murmur, placing a foot on the Archdaemon's corpse.
Oranje Peal just squats on the ground, and takes a few pictures.
Sam puts cuffs on the now-dead Verkig and picks them up to put them in the imp police car. "We should go back to the station," he suggests. "This was a weird day."
Oranje Peal just nods. "Yup," he says.
Sam sighs, then rolls Verkig's body into the back of the imp car.
Oranje Peal rides shotgun.
THE END.