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- >"Hey girls, you ever wonder why Anon is always alone?"
- >It was a reasonable question, if not a sudden one.
- >"Well, not to be rude, Twi, but..."
- >Applejack scratched the back of her head before speaking.
- >"He's kind of an odd duck."
- >"AJ's right, what's he even doing?
- >Pic related.
- >"Well, he appears to be...investigating the underside of a table?"
- >Sunset squinted at the boy.
- >"Wonder what's so interesting about it. Any ideas, girls?"
- >"Nothing under here, Sunny. I'll go check the others!"
- >Pinkie was already doing her own investigation, via looking under their own table for like ten seconds, then trying another one ad nauseum.
- >"Girls, maybe one of us should talk to him."
- >As Pinkie Pie went around the cafeteria, causing quite a few raised eyebrows and jumps of surprise, Fluttershy put her idea out, surprisingly steadily.
- >Twilight was one of those surprised by how confident she sounded.
- >"May I ask why?"
- >"Well, Twilight, though some of you could stand to be more polite when speaking about him..."
- >"Uh, why you lookin' at me like that, sugarcube?"
- >"You know why."
- >AJ hung her head in shame, which was good enough apology for Fluttershy.
- >"But that aside. I think it would be a great help to him!"
- >Rarity tilted her head at that statement, which Fluttershy noticed.
- >"Well, I don't mean with what he's doing. I don't think anyone of us knows. No offense to him. But everyone deserves friends, no matter what their c-"
- "AWAY! You're tampering with a crime scene, miss!"
- >The girls turned in surprise at the suddenness of Anon's exclamation.
- >Your name is Anonymous.
- >You're a one-worder like many others here, see.
- >More importantly, however, you have a scene to investigate.
- >Under the table is the last place you could think of, but if this didn't work, your worst nightmare occurs:
- >A cold case.
- >And you already have one too many of those.
- >Your goggles go through each of their settings, over and over and over and over.
- >You refuse to give up. There HAS to be something.
- >Oh, how you miss your cases where discovering the truth was a task as contrived as a hand sandwich! Anything would be preferable to no truth, even an unsatisfying truth!
- >But unfortunately, it seems the 93% positive prediction you had was...
- >Wrong.
- >...What a thought. Anonymous, the Great Detective of Canterlot High, foiled by a table.
- >You shut down your goggles, and pull them up.
- >You have a feeling like you're about to cry, but you're not actually going to cry. Not in the "denying you're crying while you cry" way but in the "actually not crying" way.
- >Kind of like how you're so close, yet denied the truth.
- >...Maybe your truth isn't a truth at all. Maybe, you were wrong. Maybe you are just a-
- >"Nothing under here, eithe-"
- "AWAY!"
- >You jump down, yelling the first word that comes to mind.
- "You're tampering with a crime scene, miss!"
- >The pink-haired girl quickly jumps away.
- >"Wait, WHAT? A crime scene?! Like those TV shows?"
- "Yes, but real, and much worse. Now kindly run along."
- >"Hey, Anon!"
- >Hmm? Looks like you got some fans.
- >You bow to the six girls running over.
- >"Please listen, Mr. Anon, we're sorry about her interrupting you. We won't disturb you further, we understand."
- >Something about the yellow and pink girl's tone just now bugs you.
- >Time to end this conversation the only way you know how: being completely erratic.
- "Oh, I'm all too glad I was interrupted, actually!"
- >"Wait, what?"
- >The once-demon is rather confused by this statement.
- >You make your prediction. 8 seconds until they walk away.
- >Percentage...24%. You can't quite get a read yet, but you're riding high off your adrenaline and feel cocky enough, so why not?
- "See, when your pink friend came on over, I had... an epiphany."
- >Silence.
- "Pink woman, I pin you as the true culprit!"
- >There, that should get them shaking their heads and le-
- >"Hold it, Anonymous!"
- >The transfer student quickly cuts in, and your prediction is thrown out the window.
- >8 seconds, more like 8 grueling minutes. If you're lucky.
- >"What is your basis for your accusation?! Baseless indictments should be far below a self-proclaimed investigator!"
- >Well, you wanna play hardball, huh?
- >You know exactly what to do.
- >You strike a pose, looking her dead in the eye.
- "Oh, you want reasoning? I'll show you reasoning."
- "Behold, Anonymous's Theatre of Logic and Reasoning..."
- JOINT REASONING START
- The game is afoot!
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS7irscxVx0
- TOPIC #1: The crime itself
- "Alright gals and gal related gals, allow I, Anonymous, the Great Detective of Canterlot High, to explain this crime to you."
- "Yesterday evening, there was one hell of an incident. Do pardon my french."
- >The girls all give looks of surprise at you. Looks to be more from your claim's accuracy than your language. Maybe both.
- "The accused, a certain janitor Discord. The victim, our very own VP, Luna."
- >More looks of surprise.
- "The crime, quite a heinous one that everyone expected, committed with something quite sharp!"
- >"How did you-?!"
- "Hush, questions afterwards."
- >You're hitting the nails on all of their heads. Time to bring it home.
- "To think, a janitor had murdered our vice principal!"
- >...Why do they all look confused?
- >The feeling's starting to become mutual, better call this topic in.
- "With that, the crime is clear... There was a murder at Canterlot High!"
- CONCLUSION: Janitor Murdered VP
- >"Okay, no-"
- "Not yet. Next topic."
- TOPIC #2: Means, Motive, Opportunity
- "Every crime has an MMO: Means, Motive, Opportunity. Let us cover those of the janitor."
- "Means would be the sickle he uses to cut up branches."
- >The looks of surprise are back!
- "Motive, years of underpaid labor. So he claimed."
- >"Twilight, he's right! At least with this one. So far."
- "Peanut gallery, please be quiet. No offense intended, I love peanuts! Anywhom..."
- "Opportunity? He called the victim here last night while everyone was gone!"
- >...THOSE looks are back.
- "Right there, our MMO. It all checks out."
- >Better wrap this up.
- "So, in short..."
- "Discord, janitor of Canterlot High, is a reasonable candidate for the crime!"
- CONCLUSION: Evidence points to Discord
- >Silence. Pure silence.
- >"...You just said that Pinkie Pie did it."
- "Yep. Discord was framed, it seems."
- >Even more silence from the purple girl.
- >Yes, they're about to walk away! 99% chance! Sweet reli-
- >"Alright. Now from the top, Mr. Anonymous."
- "...Excuse me?"
- >"You've made your arguments, now I'll make my rebuttal."
- >A battle of wits, then, between you and the transfer student.
- "What's your name, transfer student?"
- >"Twilight Sparkle."
- "A good name for a rival. Now, once more! Anonymous's Theatre of Logic and Reasoning!"
- REBUTTAL START
- Hold it, Mr. Anonymous!
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0pHICH7l3Y
- TOPIC #1: The crime itself
- "Alright gals and gal related gals, allow I, Anonymous, the Great Detective of Canterlot High, to explain this crime to you."
- "Yesterday evening, there was one hell of an incident. Do pardon my french."
- >You look over at Twilight Sparkle once more. She has a similar expression.
- >"Alright, you're right there. Continue, if you would."
- >Your ego is boosted.
- "The accused, a certain janitor Discord. The victim, our very own VP, Luna."
- >"Indeed it was. Could we skip to the second-to-last part?"
- >...You have a bad feeling about this, but you WILL see it through.
- "Very well. To think, the janitor had murdered our vice principal!"
- >And then, all grows still.
- >Twilight closes her eyes, hand on her chin,..
- >...Why do you have a feeling of dread?
- >It's like you're about to be caught sneaking around in the middle of the night, and you have nowhere left to hide.
- >It's like...It's like...
- >Oh, you thought of a good on. It's li-
- >"HOLD IT, MR. ANONYMOUS!'
- >You're quite surprised by this, to say the least.
- >You do your best to look smug, regardless of your nerves.
- "What is it, Miss Sparkle?"
- >"Well, first of all. Up until now, you were on the dot. I must give credit where it's due, though I don't know how you learned most of it. Wasn't big enough for the papers, after all."
- "HOLD IT!"
- >With a fierce snap of your fingers and a point at Twilight Sparkle...
- "Are you claiming that a murder isn't a big deal, Miss Sparkle? How callous."
- >Twilight shakes her head, and gives you a smile that sends a chill down your spine.
- >"Not at all. Especially because..."
- >"There was no murder! Vice Principal Luna's tires were slashed, and nothing more!"
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxx6R3dbBS8
- "WHAT?!"
- >You collapse in shock, and take a moment on the floor to consider what she just said.
- >No murder...? But your sources said there was! You'd trust them with your life!
- >Why did they fail you, you ask.
- >"...You okay?"
- "Yep."
- >You get up, dust yourself off, and try to think positive.
- >The best you got is "I can go stuff my face full of chicken sandwiches after this."
- "Okay, so I was wrong. Wasn't a murder, but so what?
- >"...So what? SO WHAT?! Dude, you just mixed up some vandalism with MURDER!"
- >The rainbow-haired one finally speaks up.
- "Yes I did, madame! Yes I did!"
- >You laugh a bit, before turning back to Twilight.
- "So, is that all?"
- >"Not just yet. Next topic. But before that, I believe we need a new conclusion."
- "...Go ahead."
- >"Oh, do you not want to? You know, since it's ANONYMOUS'S Theatre of. Whatever."
- >You're confused by this act of kindness.
- "Very well. New conclusion;"
- "There was a tire slashing at Canterlot High!"
- CONCLUSION CHANGED: Janitor Slashed VP's Tires
- >"Next, if you would?"
- >You were secretly hoping she was done.
- "Very well."
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0pHICH7l3Y
- TOPIC #2: Means, Motive, Opportunity
- "Every crime has...actually, want me to skip ahead?"
- >"Yes, please. Opportunity."
- "Opportunity? He called the victim here last night while e-"
- >"HOLD IT, MR. ANONYMOUS!"
- "GYAH!"
- >You fall yet again.
- >"Uh, sorry! Got a little excited."
- >"You need a hand, partner?"
- >The one in the hat offers a hand, which you decline as you stand back up.
- "Alright, so. Are you saying there's a problem?"
- >Twilight nods once more.
- >"Indeed. See, there's no way Luna could've come in the middle of the night."
- "Say what?"
- >"After all, her tires were slashed BEFORE she went home!"
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxx6R3dbBS8
- >You manage to not collapse once again.
- "So, wait, then..."
- >"Yes, Anonymous. You were wrong once again."
- "Wait, but I thought it happened in the evening!"
- >"Wait wait wait, didn't you say night?"
- >For some reason, this conversation isn't irritating anymore.
- >In fact. It makes you want to do something you hadn't done in what felt like a long time.
- "Pffffhahahahaha!"
- >Twilight looks at you as though you were a raving madman.
- >With your laugh, you kinda sounded like one.
- "Sorry, I just always thought it was interchangeable all these years. But it wasn't. That's funny."
- >"Is it?"
- >The pink one, who seems to have forgotten the accusation you pulled out of your ass, asks that strange question.
- >Of course it is, what the hell?
- >"Anyway. So to clarify, her tires were slashed in the evening. After the students were gone, to be specific, and before all the staff had left."
- "So she must've gotten home via carpooling."
- >"Yes! How did you figure that out?"
- "I didn't! I just made it up on the spot!"
- >You laugh once again.
- >"What, so you weren't actually using logic all this time?"
- >Your laughter stops right then and there.
- "Well, considering how wrong I am, I guess my logic is bogus. Feel free to throw it all out."
- >You'd laugh once more, but you're too down in the dumps now.
- >"HOLD IT, MR. ANONYMOUS!"
- "What now?"
- >You don't even bother to react much. As usual, you've gone from 60 to 0 in seconds.
- >"Just because you had two incorrect points, doesn't mean the rest isn't valid!"
- "You kidding? I failed. Who am I to make any more guesses."
- >A pregnant pause ensues.
- >Guess your whole life just got thrown away. Thanks, Twilight.
- >She was too good of a rival, it seems.
- >...Why aren't your thoughts being inter-
- >"That's wrong, though!"
- >The girl you just accused of murder places a hand on your shoulder.
- >"You messed up, but that's okay! Everyone does that! You don't have to stop doing all that cool stuff just because of that, okay?"
- >"She's right, you know."
- >The yellow and pink girl comes up to you as well.
- >"You're really smart, and you shouldn't just abandon that. Listen, we may not know each other too well, but we're here for you, okay? We'll be your friends."
- >Friends, huh?
- >"...If you want, I mean."
- "Good, because I don't really."
- >Close one.
- >You take the girl's hand off your shoulder, and start to walk off."
- >"Anonymous, wait! Won't you reconsider?"
- >You turn back to see Twilight looking at you with a look of concern.
- "Nope. But before I go."
- "In conclusion, I failed."
- CONCLUSION UPDATED: Anonymous is a failure
- >As the young man walked off, the girls stand there, not sure what to do.
- >"...Does he really not want friends?
- >"I guess not."
- >"So he's one of those "duhhh I don't need people holding me back" types? Geez louise!"
- >"Rainbow, please. You saw us working together, that can't be it."
- >"Twilight's right, dear. But is it really our place to theorize about this?"
- >"Ya got a point, Rarity. Sunset, whatcha think about all this?"
- >Sunset was lost in thought, which was broken by Applejack snapping her fingers.
- >"Oh, sorry! I was just thinking."
- >"About what, Sunny?"
- >"Well, Pinkie, everyone, let me ask you. Do we want Anon to be our friend?"
- >The group replies with a unanimous "Yes."
- >"In that case, I have an idea."
- >"Um, it might not be a good idea to force it."
- >"I don't mean it that way, Fluttershy. I'm just thinking, maybe we can help him."
- >"And that's kind of an even worse idea for people like him?"
- >"I mean with the mystery."
- >"Oh, whoops. Thought you were talking about...never mind."
- >"So, how about an investigation, girls?"
- To be continued.
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