JRAnon

Greetings From Turnabout, Part 1

Aug 23rd, 2017
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  1. >"Hey girls, you ever wonder why Anon is always alone?"
  2. >It was a reasonable question, if not a sudden one.
  3. >"Well, not to be rude, Twi, but..."
  4. >Applejack scratched the back of her head before speaking.
  5. >"He's kind of an odd duck."
  6. >"AJ's right, what's he even doing?
  7. >Pic related.
  8. >"Well, he appears to be...investigating the underside of a table?"
  9. >Sunset squinted at the boy.
  10. >"Wonder what's so interesting about it. Any ideas, girls?"
  11. >"Nothing under here, Sunny. I'll go check the others!"
  12. >Pinkie was already doing her own investigation, via looking under their own table for like ten seconds, then trying another one ad nauseum.
  13. >"Girls, maybe one of us should talk to him."
  14. >As Pinkie Pie went around the cafeteria, causing quite a few raised eyebrows and jumps of surprise, Fluttershy put her idea out, surprisingly steadily.
  15. >Twilight was one of those surprised by how confident she sounded.
  16. >"May I ask why?"
  17. >"Well, Twilight, though some of you could stand to be more polite when speaking about him..."
  18. >"Uh, why you lookin' at me like that, sugarcube?"
  19. >"You know why."
  20. >AJ hung her head in shame, which was good enough apology for Fluttershy.
  21. >"But that aside. I think it would be a great help to him!"
  22. >Rarity tilted her head at that statement, which Fluttershy noticed.
  23. >"Well, I don't mean with what he's doing. I don't think anyone of us knows. No offense to him. But everyone deserves friends, no matter what their c-"
  24. "AWAY! You're tampering with a crime scene, miss!"
  25. >The girls turned in surprise at the suddenness of Anon's exclamation.
  26.  
  27. >Your name is Anonymous.
  28. >You're a one-worder like many others here, see.
  29. >More importantly, however, you have a scene to investigate.
  30. >Under the table is the last place you could think of, but if this didn't work, your worst nightmare occurs:
  31. >A cold case.
  32. >And you already have one too many of those.
  33. >Your goggles go through each of their settings, over and over and over and over.
  34. >You refuse to give up. There HAS to be something.
  35. >Oh, how you miss your cases where discovering the truth was a task as contrived as a hand sandwich! Anything would be preferable to no truth, even an unsatisfying truth!
  36. >But unfortunately, it seems the 93% positive prediction you had was...
  37. >Wrong.
  38. >...What a thought. Anonymous, the Great Detective of Canterlot High, foiled by a table.
  39. >You shut down your goggles, and pull them up.
  40. >You have a feeling like you're about to cry, but you're not actually going to cry. Not in the "denying you're crying while you cry" way but in the "actually not crying" way.
  41. >Kind of like how you're so close, yet denied the truth.
  42. >...Maybe your truth isn't a truth at all. Maybe, you were wrong. Maybe you are just a-
  43. >"Nothing under here, eithe-"
  44. "AWAY!"
  45. >You jump down, yelling the first word that comes to mind.
  46. "You're tampering with a crime scene, miss!"
  47. >The pink-haired girl quickly jumps away.
  48. >"Wait, WHAT? A crime scene?! Like those TV shows?"
  49. "Yes, but real, and much worse. Now kindly run along."
  50. >"Hey, Anon!"
  51. >Hmm? Looks like you got some fans.
  52. >You bow to the six girls running over.
  53. >"Please listen, Mr. Anon, we're sorry about her interrupting you. We won't disturb you further, we understand."
  54.  
  55. >Something about the yellow and pink girl's tone just now bugs you.
  56. >Time to end this conversation the only way you know how: being completely erratic.
  57. "Oh, I'm all too glad I was interrupted, actually!"
  58. >"Wait, what?"
  59. >The once-demon is rather confused by this statement.
  60. >You make your prediction. 8 seconds until they walk away.
  61. >Percentage...24%. You can't quite get a read yet, but you're riding high off your adrenaline and feel cocky enough, so why not?
  62. "See, when your pink friend came on over, I had... an epiphany."
  63. >Silence.
  64. "Pink woman, I pin you as the true culprit!"
  65. >There, that should get them shaking their heads and le-
  66. >"Hold it, Anonymous!"
  67. >The transfer student quickly cuts in, and your prediction is thrown out the window.
  68. >8 seconds, more like 8 grueling minutes. If you're lucky.
  69. >"What is your basis for your accusation?! Baseless indictments should be far below a self-proclaimed investigator!"
  70. >Well, you wanna play hardball, huh?
  71. >You know exactly what to do.
  72. >You strike a pose, looking her dead in the eye.
  73. "Oh, you want reasoning? I'll show you reasoning."
  74. "Behold, Anonymous's Theatre of Logic and Reasoning..."
  75. JOINT REASONING START
  76. The game is afoot!
  77.  
  78. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS7irscxVx0
  79. TOPIC #1: The crime itself
  80. "Alright gals and gal related gals, allow I, Anonymous, the Great Detective of Canterlot High, to explain this crime to you."
  81. "Yesterday evening, there was one hell of an incident. Do pardon my french."
  82. >The girls all give looks of surprise at you. Looks to be more from your claim's accuracy than your language. Maybe both.
  83. "The accused, a certain janitor Discord. The victim, our very own VP, Luna."
  84. >More looks of surprise.
  85. "The crime, quite a heinous one that everyone expected, committed with something quite sharp!"
  86. >"How did you-?!"
  87. "Hush, questions afterwards."
  88. >You're hitting the nails on all of their heads. Time to bring it home.
  89. "To think, a janitor had murdered our vice principal!"
  90. >...Why do they all look confused?
  91. >The feeling's starting to become mutual, better call this topic in.
  92. "With that, the crime is clear... There was a murder at Canterlot High!"
  93. CONCLUSION: Janitor Murdered VP
  94. >"Okay, no-"
  95. "Not yet. Next topic."
  96. TOPIC #2: Means, Motive, Opportunity
  97. "Every crime has an MMO: Means, Motive, Opportunity. Let us cover those of the janitor."
  98. "Means would be the sickle he uses to cut up branches."
  99. >The looks of surprise are back!
  100. "Motive, years of underpaid labor. So he claimed."
  101. >"Twilight, he's right! At least with this one. So far."
  102. "Peanut gallery, please be quiet. No offense intended, I love peanuts! Anywhom..."
  103. "Opportunity? He called the victim here last night while everyone was gone!"
  104. >...THOSE looks are back.
  105. "Right there, our MMO. It all checks out."
  106. >Better wrap this up.
  107. "So, in short..."
  108. "Discord, janitor of Canterlot High, is a reasonable candidate for the crime!"
  109. CONCLUSION: Evidence points to Discord
  110.  
  111. >Silence. Pure silence.
  112. >"...You just said that Pinkie Pie did it."
  113. "Yep. Discord was framed, it seems."
  114. >Even more silence from the purple girl.
  115. >Yes, they're about to walk away! 99% chance! Sweet reli-
  116. >"Alright. Now from the top, Mr. Anonymous."
  117. "...Excuse me?"
  118. >"You've made your arguments, now I'll make my rebuttal."
  119. >A battle of wits, then, between you and the transfer student.
  120. "What's your name, transfer student?"
  121. >"Twilight Sparkle."
  122. "A good name for a rival. Now, once more! Anonymous's Theatre of Logic and Reasoning!"
  123. REBUTTAL START
  124. Hold it, Mr. Anonymous!
  125.  
  126. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0pHICH7l3Y
  127. TOPIC #1: The crime itself
  128. "Alright gals and gal related gals, allow I, Anonymous, the Great Detective of Canterlot High, to explain this crime to you."
  129. "Yesterday evening, there was one hell of an incident. Do pardon my french."
  130. >You look over at Twilight Sparkle once more. She has a similar expression.
  131. >"Alright, you're right there. Continue, if you would."
  132. >Your ego is boosted.
  133. "The accused, a certain janitor Discord. The victim, our very own VP, Luna."
  134. >"Indeed it was. Could we skip to the second-to-last part?"
  135. >...You have a bad feeling about this, but you WILL see it through.
  136. "Very well. To think, the janitor had murdered our vice principal!"
  137. >And then, all grows still.
  138. >Twilight closes her eyes, hand on her chin,..
  139. >...Why do you have a feeling of dread?
  140. >It's like you're about to be caught sneaking around in the middle of the night, and you have nowhere left to hide.
  141. >It's like...It's like...
  142. >Oh, you thought of a good on. It's li-
  143. >"HOLD IT, MR. ANONYMOUS!'
  144. >You're quite surprised by this, to say the least.
  145. >You do your best to look smug, regardless of your nerves.
  146. "What is it, Miss Sparkle?"
  147. >"Well, first of all. Up until now, you were on the dot. I must give credit where it's due, though I don't know how you learned most of it. Wasn't big enough for the papers, after all."
  148. "HOLD IT!"
  149. >With a fierce snap of your fingers and a point at Twilight Sparkle...
  150. "Are you claiming that a murder isn't a big deal, Miss Sparkle? How callous."
  151. >Twilight shakes her head, and gives you a smile that sends a chill down your spine.
  152. >"Not at all. Especially because..."
  153. >"There was no murder! Vice Principal Luna's tires were slashed, and nothing more!"
  154.  
  155. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxx6R3dbBS8
  156. "WHAT?!"
  157. >You collapse in shock, and take a moment on the floor to consider what she just said.
  158. >No murder...? But your sources said there was! You'd trust them with your life!
  159. >Why did they fail you, you ask.
  160. >"...You okay?"
  161. "Yep."
  162. >You get up, dust yourself off, and try to think positive.
  163. >The best you got is "I can go stuff my face full of chicken sandwiches after this."
  164. "Okay, so I was wrong. Wasn't a murder, but so what?
  165. >"...So what? SO WHAT?! Dude, you just mixed up some vandalism with MURDER!"
  166. >The rainbow-haired one finally speaks up.
  167. "Yes I did, madame! Yes I did!"
  168. >You laugh a bit, before turning back to Twilight.
  169. "So, is that all?"
  170. >"Not just yet. Next topic. But before that, I believe we need a new conclusion."
  171. "...Go ahead."
  172. >"Oh, do you not want to? You know, since it's ANONYMOUS'S Theatre of. Whatever."
  173. >You're confused by this act of kindness.
  174. "Very well. New conclusion;"
  175. "There was a tire slashing at Canterlot High!"
  176. CONCLUSION CHANGED: Janitor Slashed VP's Tires
  177. >"Next, if you would?"
  178. >You were secretly hoping she was done.
  179. "Very well."
  180. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0pHICH7l3Y
  181. TOPIC #2: Means, Motive, Opportunity
  182. "Every crime has...actually, want me to skip ahead?"
  183. >"Yes, please. Opportunity."
  184. "Opportunity? He called the victim here last night while e-"
  185. >"HOLD IT, MR. ANONYMOUS!"
  186. "GYAH!"
  187. >You fall yet again.
  188. >"Uh, sorry! Got a little excited."
  189.  
  190. >"You need a hand, partner?"
  191. >The one in the hat offers a hand, which you decline as you stand back up.
  192. "Alright, so. Are you saying there's a problem?"
  193. >Twilight nods once more.
  194. >"Indeed. See, there's no way Luna could've come in the middle of the night."
  195. "Say what?"
  196. >"After all, her tires were slashed BEFORE she went home!"
  197. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxx6R3dbBS8
  198. >You manage to not collapse once again.
  199. "So, wait, then..."
  200. >"Yes, Anonymous. You were wrong once again."
  201. "Wait, but I thought it happened in the evening!"
  202. >"Wait wait wait, didn't you say night?"
  203. >For some reason, this conversation isn't irritating anymore.
  204. >In fact. It makes you want to do something you hadn't done in what felt like a long time.
  205. "Pffffhahahahaha!"
  206. >Twilight looks at you as though you were a raving madman.
  207. >With your laugh, you kinda sounded like one.
  208. "Sorry, I just always thought it was interchangeable all these years. But it wasn't. That's funny."
  209. >"Is it?"
  210. >The pink one, who seems to have forgotten the accusation you pulled out of your ass, asks that strange question.
  211. >Of course it is, what the hell?
  212. >"Anyway. So to clarify, her tires were slashed in the evening. After the students were gone, to be specific, and before all the staff had left."
  213. "So she must've gotten home via carpooling."
  214. >"Yes! How did you figure that out?"
  215. "I didn't! I just made it up on the spot!"
  216. >You laugh once again.
  217. >"What, so you weren't actually using logic all this time?"
  218. >Your laughter stops right then and there.
  219. "Well, considering how wrong I am, I guess my logic is bogus. Feel free to throw it all out."
  220. >You'd laugh once more, but you're too down in the dumps now.
  221.  
  222. >"HOLD IT, MR. ANONYMOUS!"
  223. "What now?"
  224. >You don't even bother to react much. As usual, you've gone from 60 to 0 in seconds.
  225. >"Just because you had two incorrect points, doesn't mean the rest isn't valid!"
  226. "You kidding? I failed. Who am I to make any more guesses."
  227. >A pregnant pause ensues.
  228. >Guess your whole life just got thrown away. Thanks, Twilight.
  229. >She was too good of a rival, it seems.
  230. >...Why aren't your thoughts being inter-
  231. >"That's wrong, though!"
  232. >The girl you just accused of murder places a hand on your shoulder.
  233. >"You messed up, but that's okay! Everyone does that! You don't have to stop doing all that cool stuff just because of that, okay?"
  234. >"She's right, you know."
  235. >The yellow and pink girl comes up to you as well.
  236. >"You're really smart, and you shouldn't just abandon that. Listen, we may not know each other too well, but we're here for you, okay? We'll be your friends."
  237. >Friends, huh?
  238. >"...If you want, I mean."
  239. "Good, because I don't really."
  240. >Close one.
  241. >You take the girl's hand off your shoulder, and start to walk off."
  242. >"Anonymous, wait! Won't you reconsider?"
  243. >You turn back to see Twilight looking at you with a look of concern.
  244. "Nope. But before I go."
  245. "In conclusion, I failed."
  246. CONCLUSION UPDATED: Anonymous is a failure
  247.  
  248. >As the young man walked off, the girls stand there, not sure what to do.
  249. >"...Does he really not want friends?
  250. >"I guess not."
  251. >"So he's one of those "duhhh I don't need people holding me back" types? Geez louise!"
  252. >"Rainbow, please. You saw us working together, that can't be it."
  253. >"Twilight's right, dear. But is it really our place to theorize about this?"
  254. >"Ya got a point, Rarity. Sunset, whatcha think about all this?"
  255. >Sunset was lost in thought, which was broken by Applejack snapping her fingers.
  256. >"Oh, sorry! I was just thinking."
  257. >"About what, Sunny?"
  258. >"Well, Pinkie, everyone, let me ask you. Do we want Anon to be our friend?"
  259. >The group replies with a unanimous "Yes."
  260. >"In that case, I have an idea."
  261.  
  262. >"Um, it might not be a good idea to force it."
  263. >"I don't mean it that way, Fluttershy. I'm just thinking, maybe we can help him."
  264. >"And that's kind of an even worse idea for people like him?"
  265. >"I mean with the mystery."
  266. >"Oh, whoops. Thought you were talking about...never mind."
  267. >"So, how about an investigation, girls?"
  268. To be continued.
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