HS - Freeing General Warfare

“If it doesn’t do that, then what does it do?” the Salesman asks smugly, propping himself on his elbows.

“IT HAS DOOM LASERS AND EXPLODER MISSILES AND A BEAM CANNON! AND HUGE FEET FOR STOMPING!”

“So you just ripped off El Malo Grande’s idea?”

“HE STOLE IT FROM WATCHMEN!”

“Do you just steal everybody’s work or do you actually come up with anything original?” Hammerspace interjects.

“HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING UNORIGINAL IN MY MANIACAL PLANNING! YOU STOLE YOUR PLAN TO KILL THE SUPERHEROES FROM AMAZING SPIDER-MAN!”

“Oh, really?”

“YES! THE GREEN GOBLIN DID THE SAME TH- WAIT. WHY AM I ARGUING THIS FOOLISHNESS? I SHALL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR PLANET NOW. NONE MAY STAND IN MY WAY, BECAUSE EARTH’S MIGHTIEST HEROES ARE ALL DEAD!!!!!!!”

“Not all of them,” Hammerspace says, reaching into his trench coat.

Doom Machine doesn’t make facial expressions, but somehow he appears confounded. His head cocks to the side slightly and then rears backward as he sees what’s coming. The seconds seem to crawl by in slow motion as a red, white and blue blur emerges from Hammerspace’s coat, drawn by his gloved purple hand and hurled in the direction of Doom Machine.

“GENERAL WELFARE?” Doom Machine sputters, as the invincible superhero smashes into him appearing equally confused.

“Doom Machine?” he replies.

For a brief moment the two of them simply stare at each other, not having any idea what move to make. Then General Welfare turns and sees the Chaos Engine and the demolished New York streets.

“Doom Machine!” he says, clicking to full awareness. He punches Doom Machine in the face.

BOOM! The sound of the General punching Doom Machine echoes through the streets. BOOM. He hits him again. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM!

“I’ll teach you to kill my sidekick and destroy Philadelphia with a robot crocodile!” General Welfare shouts, obviously disoriented from living in Hammerspace’s jacket for so long.

“Take this! And that!”

Neither of them sees Hammerspace as he slinks away. Minutes later, I crawl out from under the tank to see Doom Machine lying in a crumpled heap, his armor cracked and chipped, his slightest movements making a labored whirring noise.

“That’s what you get for being evil, Doom Machine.” General Welfare says, standing over his shattered body.

“You should probably finish him off,” the Salesman sputters.

“No, Salesman. Killing is wrong,” General Welfare says. Then he looks around again, curiously. “Now, how did I get here?”

I help the Salesman up, and he lights a cigarette. “Best crossover ever,” he says.

- Chapter 27