Film Studies

Get off my land, well at least it was only five minutes long and didn't cause total pain though I will admit another five minutes of that and not only would have Barrington ran up the time but I'm afraid my eyeballs would have bled the course of an average NHS donation. So what are my qualms with this lackluster piece of film, well as most people know I have two opinions of film much like people do with marmite. I either love them (see The warriors, the original Transformers movie from the 80s, Love/Honor and Obey and finally Silence of the lambs) or I hate them (see anything Micheal Bay has produced in his career, most films staring Nicholas Cage and series based on books such as Twilight or The hunger games.) But it's to this extent I don't know how I really feel about 'get off my land'. It's a bland premise, with bland acting and to be honest the weather didn't look that nice either so I'll mark them down for that as well.


The camera changing right at the beginning when the screen faded out rose the first brow on the forehead when I asked the mental question to what was the director injecting up his nostrils when he made that decision. It didn't add anything, as it's not like the scene was a fast paced action sequence and the effect added to the sudden moving of the setting, heck they didn't even take the chance to rub the credits in my face. I know, I'm complaining about the director not using the prime chance to flash either his or the... main... the cast's names? Up at an early time. Not that many of them might want their name known due to this as the acting just rubbed me as shallow and two dimensional as the 'plot' if one could even call it that, it's like a child dressed up in a sheet and pretending to be a ghost, I want to comment but I can almost see the tears already forming in the directors eyes as I don't show the same glee one would associate with Christ being resurrected or drug abuse over his rancid excuse of work.


Sorry, seemed to have ran on a little bit there. So yes, the acting. I couldn't be asked to learn the names of the trio even after watching it am eyeball turning, blood demanding second time so I'll name them 'female', 'guy who gets shot' and 'John'. Let's start with Guy who gets shot, notice you'll see this name a lot now thanks to copy and paste. Guy who gets shot strikes me the wrong way for two reasons, one his logic of that of a child insistingly asking questions over and over to arouse contempt, but unlike a child we can't put this down to demonic possession or them being curious so I'll just assume he was lobotomized at some point. When he prepares to fight, I really got the impression someone out there was getting their kicks out of Guy who gets shot. And that brings me to my second point. to be taken seriously when enraged or wanting to engage in a fight, one must achieve one of two states either blinding rage that would make the Hulk turn his head in distaste or a calm and mellow persona to which I'd normally associate with psychopaths and not someone between needing a wee and for someone to take the pin out of his foot. So that's Guy who gets shot, the winner of my 'you tried your best award' which he will have to return within a week because Micheal Bay apparently wants it again.


Female, now what can I say about female? Well for one she doesn't really seem all that concerned for her goings on, perhaps her emotional range is that of a teaspoon or she aspires to be like Kristen Stewart, if that is the cast though then I say good on the director. Her lack of emotion, to which I see her being able to take true calmness and using a slight authoritative tone to move Guy who gets shot or even womanly woe in which she could have begged, nagged or at least shown that her mind was not just on that mornings pancakes. What irked me the most was that it seemed she needed to reboot her system before the wailing started and even then I didn't buy it for a second, sounded a lot like sound Charlie Sheen makes whenever someone tells him Two and a half men is still going.


Lookie here, I've ran on for a while now and I haven't even touched upon John. I like John, he's straight forward, has little time for the cretins and when Guy who gets shot gets shot I got some smug sense of feeling that John wasn't even suppose to be in the film but rather he was a merciful angel of death. For me, he is the only character able to show emotion as I could hear the agro building in his voice when Guy who gets shot kept badgering on and on, I could hear the glee when he turned around and finally shot him and finally I will admit the ending line does emit a small chuckle. Not like that is impressive though, the sight of Megatron kicking Starscream and barking maniacal orders still demands bounds of laughter so I'm guessing get off my has a lot of work to do, most likely after the weekly skittles binge.


By Elliot Ince, As film studies.