RFC Headers:

   From: Hasak, Reuven
     To: Adams, Ray
   Date: 12/7/2000 1:06:22 AM
Subject: RE: letter
-----------------------------
No doubt---depressed and confused and crazy.......
Still there is a big gap between him claimingnto be an honest person
(and this was OUR impression aswell) and the fact that he gets miney
for doing nothing..... Good way to make a living :-).
If would not be crazy I would kick his ass.
I hope he'll find his way with Alex. If notnwen should find a way for
the future.

-----Original Message-----
From: Adams, Ray
Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:45 PM
To: Hasak, Reuven
Subject: FW: letter


To see.   I have not sent this to Zvi.   Things could change in the
New Year if it is possible for P to work part time with Alex in the
JV.

This man is clearly depressed.

Ray

-----Original Message-----
From:	Alien [mailto:alien@engineer.com]
Sent:	06 December 2000 06:26
To:	Ray Adams
Subject:	letter

Hello Ray,

I have decided to write to you now, I couldn't sleep anyway...
I have had too many problems since I got married. It changed
everything at once! I love my daughter very much, but her presence
around me (at her age) disables me of doing my job. She awakes in the
middle of the night and starts screaming, if I work at night I
couldn't sleep during the day by the same reason... Even when she
wasn't born yet, my present home became smaller. It's not intended for
more than one person. Now there are three of us... It's not a big
problem, but it doesn't allow me to concentrate on anything. That's
why I gave the highest priority to the building of my new home. The
schedule was to move in the new home in June (when I expected my
daughter's birth), then it became clear that I couldn't move before
September, then the deadline became the end of the year and now (but
not finally, considering my past experience) it is February 2001... I
really have to finish it and move there, where I could work in peace.
Your next question could be: "Why you didn't hire someone to do your
job at the building?" The answer is simple - here is Bulgaria! If you
hire someone here to defend your interests, he takes you for a fool
and starts defending his own interests using your money, not giving a
shit about your interests, at the end even stealing your money! I have
tried it twice and as a result, the whole process was delayed for
months. At some point I freaked totally and said: "Fuck you all, I'm
going to do it myself!". Well, now I am well informed about
construction technologies, something I never was interested in... I am
dealing with the workers personally, I am supplying materials
personally, I am controlling the quality personally, I am building the
electrical and the air-conditioning systems myself, I am accountant,
administrator, negotiator, designer and god knows what else... It is
taking all of my energy, all of my time. At the same time, I am trying
to be a husband and a father, and not just that, but a good one...
Probably I should have given up long time ago, but I am not used to
give up on anything! I'm asking myself frequently: "Why is it
happening particularly to me, at this particular time, by this
particular way?". The only useful thing about it is "that what
couldn't kill you, makes you stronger". (Actually, I just hope it
wouldn't kill me :)). In resume - I am tired of this building but I
need it badly in short time because I have job to do and I couldn't do
my job without it.
Another problem is the dissatisfaction of my job. I have to explain
thoroughly what kind of dissatisfaction I am talking about in order to
understand what I mean. It is very good job - good salary, very good
conditions, chance for development in the position, small
responsibilities as to keep your mouth shut, and NO CHANCE for
development of your skills. I always liked the challenges but the job
offered by the company is not a challenge to my skills, it is
challenge to my patience. It is BORING me to the point of screaming.
The first project was to get out some code, to look at it and to
explain some part of the program inside. Everything was well
documented, the code was not protected and the CPU architecture was
well known. Where is the challenge in this? Nothing is unknown! It's
just a matter of time to do it. You don't need brilliant ideas; you
don't need to solve some puzzle, you just have to sit at the computer
knowing what has to be done, knowing how to do it, even knowing what
result you can expect. The second project was to construct DDT having
only FEW BYTES of code, boring again! I could have accepted the first
project as a test, but the second was not a test. Someone really
thought it was a challenge or he was simply bored to do it himself and
said "The fucking Bulgarian has to do it for a lesson". I did my best
and I found something challenging in it, leaving a trap, just a small
detail inserting random element in its behavior. I was surprised when
Zvi asked for my opinion and sent me another DDT made by someone else
using the same method and having the SAME detail UNTOUCHED! It meant
the person constructed the new ECM has not taken even a look at the
kill packet, he has not even tried to understand what it does, he just
used it literally knowing what it should do because I claimed that it
should work and someone tested it and said it works. I made the
conclusion that nobody is interested in my work exactly as me. The
next project is to give a LECTURE to some guys on the subject "How to
write better protected software for our products - the confession of
one ex-hacker..." I apologize for the irony but I couldn't keep it. It
could be used as a title for a book! Nobody even thought to say:
"Listen Plamen, could you write better protected software for our
products?". Who had the silly idea that I can give a lecture giving
explanation on EVERY detail about hacking? How can I give any
suggestions to the software developers how to write their software for
some architecture I have never seen? The only way to do it is to write
it while trying to hack it. I don't know what approach I will try
myself, before I really try it. I have been constantly explaining to
everyone the first and the one rule for successful hacking - you just
keep trying until you get it! Many are asking me: "What should I try
first, what next, and then what? ...". That's the silliest question
I've ever heard. The answer is: ANYTHING, EVERYTHING! Now someone
wishes to have similar handbook for the protection: "Could you please
tell us how to protect us from being hacked. Give us your experience,
preferably synthesized in two lists: 1:what we should do. 2:what we
shouldn't do." The experience DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING because in this
field, every project is a new, completely different experience, and I
swear, this is the ONLY TRUTH to be learned from experience!  I don't
have the slightest idea what to speak about at this lecture. I can
give answers on specific questions and this would be only my opinion -
someone could give different answers on the same questions and they
could be as rightful as mines. The next project will be writing of a
'secure' C compiler for internal use in the company. I keep telling
Zvi that the difference between this 'secure' compiler and ordinary
one is so small that it tends to none. It could be interesting if I
get all of the necessary information, but I am not expecting it. In
order to write useful compiler I need to know the target architecture
in DETAILS. I feel that someone is trying to limit my knowledge about
the company's technology to the knowledge I already have. So, it's not
wrong to give Pluto information about DTV P2 or Sky P10, but when
we're talking about something he doesn't know - there's no way, it
could be dangerous! I don't mind, probably I deserve it, but what else
could I do in order to help and feel useful and happy that I'm
helping? I feel useless! It's not just my feeling - I AM REALLY
USELESS! Why should I do things that I have done in the past?  Once
done, a project is not interesting anymore but someone obviously
thinks that I'm not able to do anything that I haven't done in the
past. It's my fault, I shouldn't have expected to be paid for work I
could have done just for fun. If someone pays, it's because the job is
boring, otherwise he would have done it himself... Another explanation
is that, what I've been afraid of from the very beginning - you're
paying me just not to do what I have been doing in the past...
Ray, why don't you give me an impossible problem to solve? There could
be only two results: either it's impossible or I'll solve it. I have
another idea. Why don't you let me hack some of your competitor's
products? It will be fun for me and profitable for the company.
Oliver is starting to disappoint me. He keeps talking about working
together, new exciting projects, and blah blah blah... He never made
any step toward uniting our capabilities. I feel useless for him too.
Actually, I realize that I am useless even for myself... I'm just
talking instead of taking actions. How could I then imagine that I
could be useful for something great as the global human knowledge?
Probably I'm just a monomaniacal fool having only GREAT
stubbornness...
I am not apologizing and I am not whining, I'm just trying to explain
the reasons for my recent ineffectiveness. I hope you'll forgive my
language and keep it between you and me. This letter is not something
I could send to anybody else except to you.
Sincerely your
Plamen