The Girl Who Played God (ch7)

FOR MY $20+ PATRONS!

I swear as I was writing I didn't plan for chapter 7 to have this title, but when I got here, I knew it was fate.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

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							Chapter 7. Nana

"Hoshimi-san! Could I get some help with this?"

Junna had been busy enough setting up the main banner for the 100th Starlight Festival with several other girls, but at the sound of Karen's voice, she sighs and heads over to her.

"Aijou-san? What exactly is it you're doing?"

Karen is presently trying to slap a piece of paper against the wall, but it keeps flopping.

"I'm trying to hang up the flyers like you told me to, but they aren't sticking!"

With a long sigh, Junna pushes her glasses up onto her nose.

"That's because you're trying to put them up backwards."

"Ehhh?" Karen pulls her hand away from the wall only to find the flyer is stuck to her hand instead. "Oh! Ahaha I guess that was the problem! Thanks, Hoshimi-san!"

"Geez, how did we end up casting such a scatterbrained Flora?"

"Eheehee~"

As Karen gets back to her job, Junna decides to continue walking the halls where the rest of the Festival decorations and promotions are currently being set up by the rest of her classmates to oversee things. As the second-year Class Representative, she has a lot to do with the Festival in only a few weeks' time, and just about every second someone seems to be calling for her.

She heads to the costume department where Kaoruko, Futaba, and Mahiru have been helping out with arranging the outfits by size and character roles, stopping in for a few minutes to help out a bit and chat.

Once she's finished there, Junna heads to the studio where she finds Claudine and Maya rehearsing their goddesses' lines with Hikari, who is their Claire. Junna observes and nods approvingly, offering her feedback and applauding their delivery of the lines.

Junna herself had been cast as one of the six goddesses sent to bar Claire and Flora's way from the Tower, with the main cast consisting of eight people.

They've all been working and training very hard for their big 100th Starlight Festival over the past few weeks in particular. With all of her other responsibilities to handle, Junna often didn't get back to her room till midnight some evenings, and then she would read over some of the scripts distributed by Class B until she fell asleep.

That was a minor matter, but it still bothered her from time to time. There was just something off about most of the scripts she seemed to receive for review. And the most frustrating part was that she couldn't ever place what it was.

When the other girls gave them to her, they always seemed to know that something was wrong with the writing, but weren't able to tell what it was exactly.

And though Junna would spend hours upon hours toiling over it, she could never place it either, and always handed the scripts back to them with a reassuring smile, in spite of her misgivings.

In truth, it drove her crazy though. There was just something off.

Sometimes, it was something like how the way the plot was written in sequence of events, and sometimes it felt as though a role was missing somehow, or that an additional one should be added. Sometimes the girls acting out certain roles didn't seem to suite them quite properly, as if they were only the understudies, but the true actress was absent.

But Junna knew that was a ridiculous thought. Whoever got cast as a role initially always ended up playing it in the final performance. Understudies were rarely, if at all, needed.

And she never dared to say it out loud for fear of upsetting her classmates, but she even felt as though there was something off about the Starlight script.

And none of them ever said anything either, but Junna could see the flashes of reservation in their eyes sometimes, the faint frowns or contemplative looks that something felt lacking somewhere, somehow.

But the 100th Starlight Festival was upon them in just a few days' time. They couldn't make any drastic changes now.

Junna spends the remainder of the afternoon and most of her evening overseeing setup, signing papers, and an assortment of other things. Her closest friends wait until she is finished with all of her tasks before joining her for supper. They all laugh and joke and discuss things as per usual, things about classes or about their performances, and Junna laughs and chats along with them.

And she doesn't ever mention it, but even here - even with them - something feels… off.

And again, she just can't place what it is.

But she's seen it in her friends, too.

The way someone will be laughing and they'll turn to one side to smile, only to find there's no one there.

The way they'll all stumble back from a long day of training hungry and tired, almost as if they expect treats to be waiting for them in the kitchen.

The way they'll deliver lines in rehearsal as though they aren't right, as though they weren't written correctly.

During dance classes, Junna often pairs up with Hikari, being that Karen and Mahiru had gotten so used to being partners all year long before Hikari transferred in. But even then, Junna feels she doesn't match Hikari, and that Hikari doesn't match her. Of course it's nothing against Hikari personally, but Junna just feels she can't move properly with her - or with anyone, really - as her partner.

These odd feelings have always been here since the moment she'd stepped foot into Seishou at the beginning of her first year. But in recent weeks they have become amplified, and the oddities have definitely been affecting the others as well, though no one ever voices it outright.

Even tonight, as they're finishing up supper and standing from their seats, Junna lingers a moment at the table as though she were waiting for someone…

"Hoshimi-san?" Maya calls for her with a curious look. "Is something the matter?"

Junna blinks and turns her head to find she is the last one at the table, and there is no one else to wait for. She shakes her head.

"No, sorry. I'm coming."

She follows after her seven friends with an uneasy sort of smile.

They head back to Starlight Hall together, walking in the same order as they've always seemed to walk. Junna watches everyone from the back, not even fully realizing it when her eyes drift to the side every now and then, only to find empty space.

Once back at the dorms, the girls head to the showers together, which was something else she could never explain. The eight of them would always take the stalls in a row beside one another's.

But for some reason, there was always one stall left open at the very end of the row.

Junna always wondered why Hikari never claimed the stall for herself once she transferred, but she never had an actual reason to ask. And Hikari herself never seemed to question the shower she selected in a separate row, as if she knew it belonged to her, and the empty one was for someone else who never took it.

When they're finished showering tonight, Junna dries her hair like always, even though the others all have someone else to do theirs for them. Mahiru juggles Karen and Hikari, Futaba pampers Kaoruko, and Maya and Claudine take turns tending to one another.

But Junna has always been alone.

No one has ever felt the need to offer anything for her, and she has never felt the desire to ask.

Once everyone has finished up their routines for the evening, they wish each other goodnight and head off together in their respective pairs or groups down the hallway.

Karen, Hikari and Mahiru retreat to their room together, with Karen already dozing off as the other two help her through the doorway. Futaba also has a sleepy Kaoruko by the hand, gently chiding her to open her eyes until they get inside. And though Maya and Claudine have separate rooms, Junna catches them sharing a brief kiss before they part ways.

Junna murmurs one last goodnight before turning to her own single-person bedroom.

It's just like any other, consisting of her bed, desk, dresser, and a few book shelves, which are pact tightly with books and scripts. Junna walks to it now and pulls out the one she knows best of all; Starlight.

She brings it back to her desk, turns on the lamp and has a seat to read through it once again.

She's read this script a million times as a first-year alone, but she must've read it twice as many times in her second year. Every time, something feels off that she just can't place. And every time, she fails to figure it out.

Why are there only six goddess roles? There are seven deadly sins, right? Wouldn't seven goddesses work well? Seven is such a significant number in so many ways...

But there have always been six goddesses in Starlight, for as long as it has existed.

And besides, with six of them and two leads for Claire and Flora, it allowed Junna and her eight friends to take the major roles together, which made it all the more fun.

But still, it never felt quite right.

Similar to every other night for months, Junna stays up late trying to place it, but she comes out empty-handed. Around 1am, she turns off her lamp and closes her book with a sigh.

In the darkness, a faint ray of moonlight illuminates the few pictures pinned to the bulletin board beside her desk. They're all photos of Junna and her friends, many from last year, and some from this year as well since Hikari had transferred.

Junna always smiles to look at those photos; the eight of them in-costume after being cast for the 100th Starlight, Karen and Mahiru and Hikari sitting together eating snacks, Kaoruko and Futaba making funny faces, Maya and Claudine in the middle of a dance number, the time they'd all gone to see Aladdin, the time they'd had a sleepover in the lounge, Hikari's first performance at Seishou, Kaoruko's birthday party, Claudine's selfie from the Eiffel Tower over spring break…

There's also one of the eight of them in their Black Lion Knights and Sun Nation Army costumes. Junna had loved that play in particular due to the fight scenes. And oddly enough, even though none of them had had any more weapons prop training than any of the others, all eight of them had been extremely skilled during trainings those fight scenes.

The battles came naturally to all of them, as if they've been sparring one another for months on end, though that was of course not the case.

That was just another strange thing Junna had assumed the others had noticed as well, but no one had any reason to address.

That play, like all others, had been a success, and remembering sends a wave of nostalgia through her. Junna smiles.

But…

Something aches.

Every time she looks at those photos, something inside of her stirs and deflates.

Especially in their group photos, there always seems to be a bit of extra space longing to be filled.

She's always felt like this when looking at the photos. And tonight is no different.

Junna stares, trying to figure out what should be there, or what's making them feel incomplete. And just like every other night, she comes to no concrete conclusion.

With another sigh, she gets up from her desk and retreats to bed, removing her hair tie and her glasses. It's a bit of a chilly night, and she shudders as she slips in beneath the cold blankets.

It's nights like these when she envies her friends, as she knows Karen and Mahiru often vacant their beds to snuggle up together with Hikari on the floor, and she knows Kaoruko will sneak into Futaba's bed, and she knows Maya or Claudine will cave and tiptoe across the hallway to join the other for the night.

But Junna has no one. She never has.

And that's not to say she needs anyone or wants anyone, but there are times she believes it would be nice.

But tonight, just like every other, she closes her eyes, curls up alone, and dreams of a girl she doesn't recognize, and - come morning - never remembers.

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She thought the odd feelings might dissipate once she became a third-year.

But even after the success of their 100th Starlight Festival, and even after the thrill of moving up the ranks in Seishou, that lingering tug in the back of Junna's mind never vanishes altogether. It's always there, like a slight ringing only she can hear every now and then, always reminding her about something she can't remember.

And even though photos keep getting added to the wall beside her desk, there is always an empty space that never seems to get filled.

She'd thought this feeling would subside eventually, but recently Junna has come to accept that she'll probably be living with it for the rest of her life.

That morning, she sits up and stretches in her bed, already reaching for her glasses and her planner before she's even opened her eyes fully. As the new Student Council President, she has a lot of things on her list, and she does her best to arrange them all on a timeline for today.

After a few minutes, she gets dressed and takes her school bag with her to the lounge to wait for her friends. Mahiru is doing her best to prepare breakfast for eight, but luckily Claudine and Maya offer their assistance. Hikari and Karen are busy on the couches cramming for a history quiz. Kaoruko is brushing her hair, complaining that Futaba had made them leave too early this morning. Junna looks over her planner once again, jotting down notes about meeting times.

Just like any other morning, they all eat and talk before heading out to school together. Being Kaoruko complains she's so tired, Futaba decides to take her bike today and drives along beside the walking girls at a slow pace.

As Junna runs through her mental list of things to do today, she half-listens to her friends' conversations up ahead.

"Saijou-san?" Maya says invitingly, holding softly to her girlfriend's hand. "Would you care to join me after school for additional practice today as well?"

Claudine avoids eye contact, but never lets go of her hand for a second.

"I suppose so."

"Enjoy that," Kaoruko says smugly from the back of the bike, slumped against her roommate's back. "Futaba-han and I've got a date today~"

"What?!"

"A date?"

"Like what?"

"Geez," Futaba sighs. "It's not really a date, she's just callin' it that. We're pickin' up some stuff for her folks, that's all."

"Oh come now, Futaba-han. Can't you humor me just this once?"

"Still, that sounds nice," Mahiru smiles. "Actually, after school today, Karen-chan, Hikari-chan and I are going to see a movie!"

"That's right!" Karen blurts. "I'm so excited!"

"Just don't lose your ticket this time, Bakaren."

"I won't! I swear!"

Junna feels her stomach swoop a little as a sense of deja vu sweeps over her. That's been happening a lot more recently as well, but this one is particularly strong.

The eight of them continue walking and chatting, Junna still mulling through her thoughts. She doesn't even hear Mahiru calling to her the first time.

"Juuunna-chan!"

"Eh? S-Sorry. What's that, Tsuyuzaki-san?"

Mahiru smiles kindly.

"I just asked if you have any plans for today."

"Oh. Well-"

Junna never gets the words out.

Suddenly, there's a loud blaring from the street beside them as several cars blast their horns. It's followed by a screech of tires, and out of nowhere a bus comes speeding off the road.

Futaba gives her bike some gas to get ahead of the bus, while Claudine and Maya shove each other forward. Shrieking, everyone grabs whomever they can and pushes or pulls them out of range.

The bus collides with a deafening, terrifying crash into a pole just a few feet behind them. There's a chorus of shouts and screams as smoke begins billowing from the broken vehicle and people begin hurrying off out the door.

There's so much chaos and commotion all at once that for a moment, Junna doesn't register any of it until her friends start crying out for each other.

"Is everyone all right?"

"K-Karen-chan!"

"I'm okay!"

"Thank goodness…"

"Saijou-san, you're not hurt are you?"

"I'm fine- What about you?"

"I am fine as well."

"Sheesh! If we'd left one minute sooner that thing would've hit us!"

"Futaba-han, please! Don't even make me think about it!"

By now there are police sirens approaching in the distance as cars pull over and people gather around the accident. There's no fire, and once everyone has been evacuated from the bus, no injuries are reported either.

Junna watches it all unfold as though it were a movie, something she wasn't a part of. Her friends are equally uneasy, staying back at a distance. All around the same time, some of them start shuddering.

"Ah-!"

Karen puts a hand to her head with a whimper. Right away, Hikari and Mahiru are stepping close to support her.

"Karen?"

"Wh-What's wrong?"

"I-I'm okay!" Karen says. "I just got a headache all of a sudden…"

Hikari and Mahiru exchange looks of unease, but ultimately it turns to relief. They pat Karen's back for her and hug her gently.

Likewise, Futaba holds her stomach with a moan.

"Jeez… the heck?"

Kaoruko removes her helmet now that they've come to a stop, and takes off Futaba's as well. She rubs her roommate's stomach for her gently to help soothe the ache. Futaba smiles back at her.

"Thanks. You all right, Kaoruko?"

"My legs have fallen asleep…" Kaoruko mutters. "They're all prickly… But I'm fine."

And up at the front of the group, Claudine has brought a hand to her chest, breathing heavily, and Maya is clutching at a sudden, unseen pain in her arm and side. But she ignores it for her partner's sake.

"Saijou-san," she says, easing Claudine a few more steps back. "Are you all right? Please try to breathe slowly."

Claudine swallows thickly, but after a moment the pain starts to subside.

"I'm fine… Tendo Maya, you're white as a sheet-"

"I am all right."

The two of them wrap their arms around each other and are quiet for a long moment.

Junna feels the strength wobble from her legs, and she considers herself lucky she doesn't collapse from the shock of relief right then and there. Everyone looks around to ensure the others are all right, and they ask her many times as well. But Junna can only nod in response, constantly looking to her side, as though there's someone else-

"I'm fine," she says thinly. "There are paramedics coming. Does anyone want to get checked out?"

They all shake their heads. But when they look to her, Junna finds the same sadness reflected in all of their eyes. And just like her, none of them can explain what it's about.

All of their hearts are aching, but it's less from the fear of what's almost just happened, and more from the knowledge that something is wrong here.

And the fact that they've avoided this disaster shouldn't feel wrong. They should all feel relieved and grateful and happy right now. But instead there is just an all-consuming sorrow.

By now, the crosswalk and road in front of them are being swarmed by police. Junna motions for her friends to move back so they can take a different path to school.

As the sounds of the commotion fade away behind them, a deep silence falls over their group. Collectively their pace slows, and they all hold more tightly to the people beside them.

"Futaba-han, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. How're your legs?"

"They're very awake now, much like the rest of me."

"Tendo Maya, is your arm still bothering you?"

"Not at all. How are your chest pains?"

"I'm all right."

"Karen-chan, do you still have a headache?"

"Nope! It's all better now!"

"Bakaren. Don't scare us like that."

"Sorry."

They all turn to ask about one another, checking just to make sure.

"Hoshimi-san?" Karen says, turning back to her. "What about you?"

"I'm… fine…" Junna says quietly. But then, she speaks without thinking, without even intending or meaning to. Her voice just comes out as she turns her face to the emptiness beside her. "What about you, Na-"

She stops.

'Nana.'

The others proceed a few more paces in front of her, but then pause.

"Hoshimi-san?"

Junna's jaw hangs open, and the word comes again.

"Nana…"

The others all freeze, as if the word has struck something deep within them. No one moves.

Junna tries to swallow, but it doesn't go down. She stares blankly at each of them, not even feeling herself blink. She says it again.

"Nana."

All of them wince in unison. If it was somehow possible for confusion and comprehension to take hold of a person at the same time, all eight of them feel it.

"Nana…"

"Daiba-san…"

"Banana…"

In that instant, memories flood their minds in torrents.

Freshly-baked muffins after a hard day's work.

Head pats of congratulations for a passed quiz.

Comforting hugs at late night-hours after seeking advice.

A cheerful voice singing across the stage.

A bubbling laughter drifting through the lounge.

A face to fill the photos.

A hand holding Junna's-

"Nana!" She shouts the name, and all at once the others jump as their minds snap back into place.

"Banana!"

"Nana!"

"Where is she?"

"What happened?!"

"She should be here!"

Everyone looks to Junna, their eyes wide with panic and loss and fear.

But they remember. They all do.

Junna feels her chest tighten and her heart shake.

Nana.

How could she have forgotten?

Or rather… how did they remember?

All of the evidence is clear. It isn't just that Nana had never attended Seishou or come into any of their lives. She doesn't exist at all. At least, not right now.

But she should. She has to.

Somewhere. Somehow.

Without another word, Junna tears off running. The rest turn to each other, then race after her. The roar of Futaba's bike follows them in their dash along the sidewalk, sprinting across the roads and cutting every corner until the school building is in sight.

The others stop only briefly on campus to catch their breath as Futaba and Kaoruko dismount the bike. But Junna continues running straight for the building.

"Hoshimi-san!" Karen blurts out. "Wh-Where are you going?"

Junna doesn't turn back as she yells her honest answer.

"I'm not sure!"

It's the truth. She doesn't know where she's heading. And yet she knows exactly where to go.

The others share more puzzled glances, but take off after her once again.

They follow her into the building, past startled classmates and chiding teachers, around the bend of several staircases leading down, down, onto the lowest level.

They run down the empty hallway where they've never been before; and yet it's a place they all know very well.

It all comes back to them now.

The revues they never had, the battles they never fought, the giraffe they never spoke to.

It had all happened in some distant time, in some world just beside this one.

It had happened, and yet it hadn't.

They run, and Junna leads them.

And as she sees the flicker of the tiny red light up ahead, Junna finally understands where it is they're going.

"We're going to get Nana back."

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A/N: One thing I wanted to throw in subtly was how Karen still formally addresses Junna, even in their third year. Since their revues never happened, Karen would never bond with Junna from their fight to call her "Jun-Jun." And I think in a world without Nana, they'd all be a bit more distant with one another without her around to have brought everyone closer together in their second year.