A PATHETIC LITTLE TALE AT THE END OF THE WORLD

>be me, bonky
>i'm in my bubble
>i'm bubbling with my bubbler
>all that i have with me in here
>is a tiger handheld electronic
>it's the batman forever one
>it sucks my fucking crusty ass
>i'm speeding through the waters beyond
>somewhere behind me
>is pickle homer and all his pickle-stuff
>still churning away
>it's okay though
>we're still friends
>just friends who can't be around one another
>or see each other
>or talk to one another ever again
>so we're perfect friends, in concept
> - just so long as our relationship remains conceptual
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>my tiger handheld is chirping away
>but the sound is getting distant
>the speaker is becoming garbled
>it dwindles away
>into a single tone that decays
>i let the handheld drop
>going far away
>into outer space
>into the fathomless sea
>into death
>they're all the same thing when you think about it
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>kinda bored tho.
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>i'm just going to name out loud a few things i don't like about pickle homer
>just to pass the time
>numero uno: his name
>;i've known this guy for eons and he's never once justified the pickle part of his name
>but i suppose i've never really asked him about it directly
>it's just been a distasteful detail no one ever really addressed
>what do i hate about it?
>it's just a weak brand
>,IMHO
>now BONKY is a brand
>Baby Video Game Wizard is a brand
>these are winning brands that inspire confidence in their target audience
>pickles just inspire loathing
>they're grotesque
>even if you like pickles, you don't want to be associated with them
>at school there used to be a girl we called pickle girl
>because she always showed up to class with one of those bagged gas station pickles
>and she ate the pickle
>and drank the juice
>there's just something very turdy about pickles
>pickles are cringe
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>pretty sure it's just a rick and morty reference anyhow
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>SECOND THING I HATE ABOUT PICKLE HOMER
>his feet never touch the ground
>he is always floating just a micron above 0
>i snap him to the geometry
>but when i zoom in close enough
>he's always just a hair above the ground plane
>then i try to fix it by changing his location to -1 on the y-axis
>but then he clips into the floor
>i have gone to the forums for help in this matter but the mods closed my thread with absolute hostility
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>THIRD THING I HATE ABOUT PICKLE HOMER
>he says he hates art but then he's always doing art
>literally everything he does is art
>he lives art
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>what a friccin nerd
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>fifth thing i hate about pickle homer
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>umm
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>uhhh
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>did i really only bring one handheld?
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>why would i do that to myself?
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>my ass couldn't have brought, like, a better homes and gardens at least?
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>this is like waiting for the friccin dentist
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>my pocket rotary-style cellphone with authentic mechanical bell ($400) rings
>i pick up
>it's my editor
>he tells me i really fell off in this latest edition of the doorstop series
>i say "buddy, don't i know it."