Busted Ankles, Busted Hearts

Busted Ankles, Busted Hearts [M4F] [Southern Accent, if you can swing it] [Strangers To Lovers] [Taking Care of Listener] [Horseback Riding] [SFW]

(This was written as M4F but pronouns can be adjusted for it to be A4A)
{All sfx are optional}

Evenin, folks. Welcome to Tex’s Ranch. I’m Tex, yes, that is my real name, no, my parents did not know I would work as a rancher in Texas when they named me, and yes, I do believe I was destined to go into this line of work.

*light laughter from crowd*

These are my two helpers, Jane and Tommy. Their horses’ names are Arson and Lovebird, respectively. This here fine steed I ride is Silver. Any fans of the Lone Ranger here?

*light crowd mumbling*

A couple of ya’ll. Alright. Yes, I know I’m practically a stereotype.

*laugh*

Alrighty, thank you for joining us for our tour. We started back in ’92 giving horse riding lessons, and tours of the lovely Texan wilderness behind. In ’96, we combined the two, so now we give riding lessons while on the tour. If that ain’t multitasking, I don’t know what is.

*light laughter from the crowd*

Ok, listen up everybody. Groups 1-3, ya’ll are with Jane. Ya’ll be taking the Dry River Pass to Quiet Springs. It’s a lovely path, so keep an eye out for all kinds of lovely flowers. Don’t worry, she don’t bite. Much. I’m kidding. If you want her to bite you, you gotta take her to dinner first.

*light laughter from the crowd*

Jane, why don’t you take them to stall 13 and introduce them to their new equine friends? Thank you, dear.

Alrighty, groups 4-6, ya’ll are with Tommy. He’s a quiet feller, so if you can’t hear him, let him know. He don’t mind, he’s used to me nagging him.

*light laughter from the crowd*

Ya’ll will be going through Everwood to take the roundabout to Quiet Springs, where’ll ya’ll meet up with Jane. Take a look at some of the red barked trees as you do. Some of them have been around for hundreds of years.
Tommy, take them round back. Lotta these guys are small tikes, so you’ll be teaching em with the fillies.

Alright, and… hold on a hot minute. What group are you in? Who’re you supposed to be with, Jane or Tommy?
Group 7? I don’t think… Can I see that paper there?

*pause*

Well, I’ll be. Guess we got one more than expected. Tell ya what, I ain’t goin’ to send you away, so how’s about a personal tour from yours truly?

Sound good? Great! Let’s see if we can’t find you a nice horse to hop on. Follow me now.
Ok, this here’s the employee stable. We use these lovely horses when we gotta do patrols for maintenance and wildlife observation.

Yes ma’am, this ain’t just a tour ranch, it’s also a wildlife preserve. We got a lotta species here, some even endangered. That’s why we do the tours though. The funds here go towards research and preservation.

Look at me ramble. Let’s take a looksee. You ever ridden a horse before?

No? Well, that’s alright. It’s just like riding a bike, if the bike ate 20 pounds of hay per day.

*laugh*

We’ll get one of the calmer ones, then. They ain’t as exciting, but that’s probably the feel we’re goin’ for.
Okay, this here’s Sawbones. Don’t let the name fool ya, he’s a sweetheart. He look good to ya?

What’s the matter?
You’re nervous? Oh, don’t sweat it, chief. We’re all nervous the first time we mount such a large creature. I know I was when I got married.

*laugh*

Trust me, nothing to be scared of. I’ll help you on and if you decide it’s a no-go, we’ll go inside and enjoy ourselves a nice cold cup of sweet tea. Not to mention the best biscuits and gravy this side of the Big Bend, no questions asked, no shame either.
Sound good?

Awesome possum. Gimme your foot, I’ll help you up. Your gonna swing the other leg around, and put your foot in that there stirrup. Don’t swing to hard now, you’re likely to throw yourself off balance if you do.
Atta’ girl. You’re practically a pro. You must be a natural.

Such what do you say? Do you wanna head inside or…
That’s what I like to hear!

Okay, take these here reigns. You’ll tug this way to go left, and this way to go right.
I might’ve exaggerated with the bike analogy. It’s still an animal, so don’t jerk it and if there’s resistance, try patting the horse and speaking to it softly, while lightly pulling on the reigns.

You’ll do great. Now, I’m going to head for the east trail and see if you can get Sawbones to follow.
There you go. Easy peezy, lemon squeezy.

*pause*

Okay, careful around this bend here. Good, good. See, no reason to be nervous.
So, hey. I gotta ask something and if I make you uncomfortable, let me know and I’ll drop it like fruitcake at a party. Okay? Okay.
Well, this type of place attracts three types of people. The first are kids and while I may not be Columbo, something tells me that category does not apply to you.

*laugh*

The second are horse girls. Now this one, I may be off the mark, but you don’t seem like one to me. You seemed pretty nervous around ol’ Sawbones and most of those girls get all giddy and hyper upon so much as looking at a horse. Am I correct in my assessment that you’re not obsessed with horses?

*laugh*

No, nothing wrong with that. But…
No? You’re not a horse girl?

Well, the last type of people to pay this much are couples… And…
Well, I didn’t want to say anything, but your ticket had the special deal we give to couples round the holidays. But you came alone…

Please, if I’m overstepping, let me know and Tex will go back to pointing out he local birds in the area like nothing happened.
It’s okay? Okay, good. I’m glad I’m not… You know. Anyway… so what happened?

*pause*

Oh, I’m sorry the two of you broke up. But if I might test my luck once more, he uhh… he kinda sounds like a dick, if I’m being honest here.
Nah, I’m not just saying that. I know it’s sorta cliched to say ‘they didn’t deserve you’, but… well, from what I’m hearing, they didn’t.
But that’s the thing about the great outdoors. It really helps to clear the mind. Especially when a relationship goes bad.

Hm?
How’d you know I used to be married? I mentioned it? When did I do that?
Oh, that’s right. The ‘large creature’ comment I made at the stables.

*laugh*

Yeah, I do make that joke sometimes. Jane rolls her eyes so far back she can see her brain when I do.
But no, I didn’t move out here and start this ranch to get away from her.
She actually started this place with me. She used to help me take care of the horses and whatnot.

You wanna know more, eh?
Well, since I’ve been asking probing questions all morning, I guess I’m in no position to refuse.

*laugh*

Well, we married young. Highschool sweethearts, and all. I had always wanted to own my own plot of land, just like my pa.
She helped me in the beginning, but as time went on, well, it became more and more obvious that country life wasn’t in the books for her.
She wanted to sell the place and move into the city, but…
I just couldn’t do it, ya know? We help too many animals to give it up for bright lights and cheap pizza.

*pause*
*clears throat*

Anywho, one slip of paper signed, and that was that. I suppose it could’ve been a lot worse. Tommy and Jane both had partners who weren’t so faithful, and ended up here as an escape.
That’s us, the lonely-hearts club.

*laugh*

Hey, we’re hirin’.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Hey, watch up here. I forgot the rain made this down slope a bit slick, so go slow.
I’ll go behind you now. Easy. Easy there…
You’re going to fast!

(Listener falls. Can be signified by horse neighing sfx, body fall sfx, or failing that, context)

Easy, don’t worry about Sawbones, he’ll find his way home. Don’t get up.

*pause*

Okay, I’m here. I’m going to lightly press and tell me if you feel any pain and if so, how bad on a scale of 1-10.
Here? Okay.
How about now? Okay.

And how about-okay yep, hands off. Well, your ankle’s no broken. Just a bit busted. Maybe a sprain. We’re pretty far from the ranch house, but there’s a small supply cabin where we can patch you up a bit.
I’m gonna lift you now, just hold on to me.
You good?

*laugh*

Well, yeah, I mean aside from the obvious. But don’t worry, I got you. Here, I’ll put you on the back of ol’ Silver.
*straining a bit*

Up you go.
Alright, giddy up girl.

*pause*

Okay, here we are. It ain’t much, but it’ll do.
Here, let me get you down. Okay, just wrap you arms around my neck so I can carry you inside.

*door open/close*

I’m gonna set you down on this bed and go check our medical supplies. I’ll be back in a jiffy.

*pause*

Okay, here we go. I’m gonna pull your pant leg up so I can wrap your ankle. That’s it, there we go.
Yes, I know it hurts. I’m sorry.

*Begins wrapping*

I can’t begin to express how sorry I am this happened. What… uh… what do I gotta say to make sure you don’t file a lawsuit?

*nervous laugh*
*exhale*

You don’t know how relieved I am to hear that. This preserve is my baby. Here, let me put a pillow under your head.
There you go.
Alright, Jane will be coming by with a jeep. She’ll take you back to the main ranch.

No, I gotta stay here. I’m going to have to do a whole bunch of reports after this. Besides, after this, I’m sure you’ve seen enough of ol’ Tex.
No? * nervous laugh*

Really? Well, in that case, you’re free to come back anytime. Free of charge. Think of it as our special little way of saying “Thank you for not suing us.”
You’ll just be happy to see me again? What… heh, what does that mean?

*nervous laughter*
*Kiss*

Well. Shit. Didn’t expect that.
No, no, I’m not… upset. It’s just…
Tell me, do you usually kiss strangers who sprain your ankle?

Just the ones that carry you into cabins in the woods, eh? Fair enough. So… what now?
Hey, don’t laugh at me. I’m out of practice!
Why yes, I am free Saturday. And yes, I would love to go out on a date with you.

*laugh*
You know, this is certainly an unconventional way to meet someone.
No, I wouldn’t have it any other way, either.
Oh, here’s Jane now. Here, let me carry you to the truck.

You know…
I wasn’t joking when I said we’re looking for an extra pair of hands. We’d… I’d love to have you. Okay, thinking on it is probably the best move. I’ll see you Saturday.
I can’t wait either.