Thread 18: Stories 1-15

Thread 18 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/17432909
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>32
"Twilight"

>And thus she returns.

"Good morning, 32."

>IS it morning? This cell doesn't have a window like my old one.

"Take my word for it."

>I will have to.

"Now..."

>Glasses on.

"...how the heck-"

>There's a small change in your tone when you put them on. I'm an Infiltrator, Princess, even a shitty one can gauge things like this. Please, continue.

"Well, erm, as I understand it you had another visitor."

>Yes, 77, my former brother.

"Former?"

>He's dead to me, they all are. As I shall soon be to everyone.

"I see...tell me, you and 77 were close, right?"

>We weren't always, while were all brothers, 88 and I were outcasts.

"Why?"

>We were a motley assortment, warriors, drones, but 88 and I were the only infiltrators. There was a...distrust from some of the others, though 45 gravitated towards us when 50 gave him grief for his youth. Poor little bastard, no one deserves to die like he did, let alone someone barely matured.

"Hmm...and 77 was on 50's side?"

>50 was our leader, egomaniacal and cruel but...he was the eldest, and the Queen apparently thought that qualified him. 77 was a hanger on, a blank slate, a loyal little soldier. 88 liked him, for some reason, shame I didn't see why until the caves.

"88 liked 77, you say."

>Platonically, like a big sister...

"32?"

>Huh?

"You trailed off."

>Ah, yes, hunger will do that to you.

He could feel her gaze harden, he knew she knew he was trying to change the subject.

"Well...I have been doing some research into it. I think if I could reverse engineer 42's love harness, I can make a kind of life support system for you."

>...wow, my life sucks, doesn't it?

"Huh?"

>I literally have so few people that give a shit about me, I need an equivalent to an iron lung.

"I wouldn't say that."

>Which is why I did. Someone needs to say these things, Princess. Not admitting the truth is just the same as lying, and intend to tell it all.

"Well, I will certainly try to document it, and perhaps help you to get some kind of..."

>Finality?

"No, an understanding perhaps...make your brothers and sister a bit less dead to you."

>You do the work of Sisyfilly, Princess.

"Just don't roll over my hooves when I get you to the top of the hill, Mr. Boulder."

>No promises.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Spike stood before the gathered Gun Club and Royalty, when Applejack had asked if there had been any final words or thoughts (as well as celebrating actually having a productive meeting), Spike chose now was a good time to speak on something that had bugged him for awhile now.

"Look, Spike, I know you prefer the toilet paper to be rolled over, but it's royal tradition for thousands of years for it to be under." Twilight defended her mentor and Luna's irritating habit.

"That's not what's bothering me-" Spike began but was cut off again.

"Is it Auntie Celestia taking the magazines with her into the bathroom? I know how you feel, I can never touch the magazines after that." Cadence interjected while Celestia became indignant.

"The magazines help me relax! Eternal youth or not, I still have problems with my plumbing!"

Finally Spike shouted "That's not it! It's about Fawntine Futuristics."

The room fell over with a collective "oh."

Taking a breath, Spike finally continued. "Now look, they've been a big help in rebuilding Canterlot, but I'm going to say this much: Don't trust them. If any of you read my after action report, you would known Fawntine had helped supply Blueblood's robot army, and quite honestly, I'm sure there's a lot of other dirty secrets there too."

"That was all under Fawntine though." Diamond Tiara spoke up. "I've met Miss Pennydrop, she seems nice, and she treated my dad with the respect he deserves."

"And they are willing to help supply the Gun Club and royal guard with new weaponry since Twilight Sparkle resigned her position as weaponsmith."

Spike shook his head. "Alright, fine, I can see you're all willing to let bygones by bygones, and I can forgive too, but I don't forget. Remember, DT: anyone can seem nice, but whether they are or not, is another matter entirely. I won't try to stop anyone else's dealings with Fawntine Futuristics, but for me, personally, I will always disapprove, and I myself will not deal with them."

Spike turned to walk out when Applejack spoke up: "Spike, ya got some... Trust issues, ya know? Ah mean Fawntine an' Pennydrop 're different people, cain' ya give tha benefit of tha doubt?"

Spike paused. "That's more Shining Armor's thing." And left

"And I thought he was getting so much better." 77 grumbled and shook his head.

After a few moments of pause, 42 added: "But... as far as the A-team's concerned, we agree with his point, right?"

Not just the other A-team members, but the gathered Gun Club as well.

Celestia just shook her head. "I miss the days when friendship solved everything. Friendship and rainbow laserbeams."

"Sister, art thou certain there were such times an thou were not experiencing another 'acid flashback' as they are called?"

"No, Luna, my acid flashbacks are about pink submarines."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"???"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>...

*RUMBLY*

>Snack time!

Celestia reached magically summoned a pan of Hoofy pop and set it between her thighs. Closing her eyes she began to day dream.

*pop*

>Mhm...

*pop-pop*

>...Mmmmmh...

*POP POP POP!*

>...MMMMHM!

An explosion of popcorn flew up into the air and as it rained down she opened her mouth and tried to catch a few in her mouth.

As she began to chew she looked up towards the open door and flinched.

>Oh... Hello Spike, is there something I can help you with?

"N-NO THANKS! I'LL BE IN MY BUNK, NO CALLS!"
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"77"
>Cheerlie
'demon'
~~~
77 rolls onto his back bringing Cheerlie on top of him, both of them breathless and flushed

>Oh, my. You have been a beast lately!

"You certainly are a balm to my soul."

>Oh, you!

"Speaking of souls, I haven't noticed any demons lately."

Literally, speak of the devil, one opens the classroom door a peek

'Harbinger! We felt the earth tremble and cries for god and screams! Has the titan returned?'

Cheerlie looks at 77 for a moment.

>Yes... Yes she has.

The demon suddenly screams and flees

'Brothers! She returns! All is lost!'

"Ah, I see."

>Yeah, I became immortal after tricking the devil in a similar manner.
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>12
"Construction Pony 1"
'Construction Pony 2'
[Sexy mare 1]
-Sexy mare 2-
~~~
"Eh, uhh... 12, ain' it? Nice work ya been puttin' in lately!"

>Thanks, just glad to do my part!

'Yeah, man, you changelin's ain' all bad, care ta join us fer some lunchtime cat callin' an' playful objectification o' women that they'll take too personally?'

>Ummm... okay?

Later

"Wow! check out that one!"

'Hey, baby, wanna make sum babies some time?'

[I'd love to!]

The mare comes over

[Here's my phone number, call me sailor.]

She leaves

"Cain ya believes that?!"

>Uhh.. what?

'She jus' went off tha handle! Ah mean if she didn' wanna be treatest like that, maybe she shouldn' 'ave dressed like that!'

>She was naked, like all of us, and-

'Hey, hey, 12! Dame at three o'clock! Yer turn!'

"Git up tiger!"

>Huh? Well, uhh... Hey! I... Uhh.. .I really respect your mind, personality, and choices as a free individual!

SMACK!

-PIG!-

>Ugh... The fuck?

"Damn, son! Ah think Ah see tha future Mrs. 12."

'Shit, man, changelin's, it's a natural talent, they gotta get it to live.'
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>Cheerilee
“Snails”
_______

With little next to no emotion whatsoever, Snails struggled to continue cleaning the desks, which were floating aimlessly in mid-air. All of them. All of the desks and chairs were off the ground, suspended by Celestia knows what.

>Snails, dear?

“Yes, Miss Flowerplot?”

>…where did you hear that?

“From 56. He told me that you’d changed your name to that.”

>…

A fault line of bright red cracked Cheerilee’s desk, and from it hissed a long forgotten eldritch language.

>It’s kind of you to offer but he’s one of my more appreciative students. No, he’s fine.

“Who’re you talking to, Miss Flowerplot? Your friends again?”

>…Yes, Snails. My friends. And I didn’t change my name. Never listen to another word 56 says about me.

“Oh. …So you don’t have the biggest booty in all of Ponyville?”

>Hm. Well, I suppose even he can be right about some things, yes… but at any rate, my name is still what it was before, Miss Cheerilee.

“…Um, my name is Snails. *Your* name is Miss Cheerilee, Miss Cheerilee."

>…

The fissure in her desk grew larger, a poisonous looking red mist rising up in tufts that Cheerilee fanned away with an annoyed grunt.

>I said no, didn’t I? Don’t make me repeat myself.

At once, the crack sealed itself.

>Now then… Snails, I have a question.

“That wasn’t me who took a picture of your backside during study time today. That was 56.”

>I KNEW IT WAS THAT LITTLE- ahem! I mean… no, that’s… that’s for later. What I wanted to know is why do you stay, Snails?

“Because my mother sometimes chains me to the living room so I don’t go off wondering.”

>…

Cheerilee pulled out a pen and piece of paper, making note to investigate that little happening.

>And done. No dear, not at your house, I meant stay here, in this classroom. Surely you can see all the floating desks, hear all the ghoulish howls that come from nowhere, yes? Why do you not join your friends in fleeing for their very unworthy lives at the end of the day? Why stay and help out?

Now Snails himself was floating, caught up in whatever demonic presence had possessed the room. True it was making his job of scrubbing the also hovering desks a tad easier but Cheerilee knew any other pony with half a brain would be screaming their head off. If possible, Snails looked detached from it all as he was spun upside down, spraying the rag in his hoof with cleaning solvent.

“Why…?”

>Yes. I’m curious.

“Oh, that’s a simple question."

He cleared his throat.

“Because Miss Cheerilee is sweet and kiiind… she’s the best teacher I could hope fooor. She never laughs or calls me naaaames… ‘cause even when I mess up I know she’s there for meeee….”

Even as Snails continued to sing his song, barely rhyming and revolving feet off the ground, Cheerilee just stared.

She had not expected such an answer to mean so much.

And she most certainly did not expect the tears escaping her eyes and blurring her vision.

“Miss Cheerilee…? I think you might be rich. Your eyes are leaking oil.”

>…yes. Yes, they most certainly are. ...Thank you, Snails.

“Huh? For what?”

>For being you.

“Have I been someone else recently? I’m sorry….”

She could only give a watery giggle.

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>Batmom
"Dadling"
~~~
>Honey, why the hell are you making such a commotion this early in the morning?

Dadling turns and jumps, trying to hide the mess he had made in the kitchen

"H-Hey! Don't worry about it! I'll clean this up, and I didn't use any thing you had bought! Got this all myself!"

Batmom gets a sly look and tries to peek around dadling

>Uh,huh, so what's cookin' decent-lookin'?

"It's a surprise! I mean nothing!"

Then she saw it, a crappy, burnt, chocolate cake with the words 'Happy Mother's Day to the Best Mom to Come' written on it in barely legible writing and with several spelling errors

Dadling looked ready to cry

"I'm sorry... I wanted to do something nice for you but even after begging 42, 77, 12, and some other for money, I still-... I still messed up the one good thing I might do for you-"

She silences him with a kiss

>You've done a lot of good things for me. Now lets get you cleaned up. Then we'll enjoy this together.

"O-Okay. ... Honey, isn't that the bedroom?"

She licks her lips and grinned

>Yeeep.
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>Spike
"77"
'42'
-DT-
~~~
Clang!

Clang!

Clang!

Clang!

-So what's all this? Trying to make Rarity and Applejack even hornier?-

>No, no, nothing like that. I've just decided that since I refuse to buy Fawntine weapons I'd learn to start making my own.

'Learning go melee then, huh?'

>I'll work up to firearms, Twilight did give me some of her old notes, and if anything I can make a jaunt to the human world if absolutely needed.

"That doesn't look like any blade though..."

>This? Nah. I'm working on a few gifts too. For mother's day.

-... You had a mom?-

>Of course I must have, but I mean Celestia and Twilight, they've both been a large part in my upbringing

Suddenly, Diamond Tiara hugs Spike

-Do it then... And never let them go a day without knowing how much you love them-

"Poppet?"

'...'

Slowly, Spike returns the hug

>Do you want me to make something for your mom?

-Please?-
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>Really?

"Messin' up Shiny's paaaaapers!"

>You seriously dragged my desk into the infirmary to mess up my papers in front of me. Didn't matter that you could do this at any time, in any place, you had to do it here, where I could see.

"Well, it's not fun when you're not around!"

>Don't you have other stuff to work on?

"Nope! Investigations proved that 29, 55, 12 and 10 are all still kicking, none of the others in the ballroom got squashed, and Chitania is far, faaaaaar away from me. My guys just survived a massive catastrophe, I'm living the good life!"

>Oh... so, this is what, a celebration to you?

"Noooo, this is me blowing off steam. A celebration would be you going 'well, Chrysalis, you're just such an awesome Queen that I just can't control myself anymore!' And then your sheets get tossed off by pure power of want, and then I'm on top of you, and then happy happens."

>Pretty sure that would rupture something.

"Yeah, my floodgates, if you know what I'm saying! HAH!"

>Well, I'm glad you're happy.

"You know, I am! Life is good. Life... is... goood."

>...My papers are getting, just, so far up in there.

"And they're just gettin' farther! Messin' up Shiny's paaaapers!'

>Can't say I missed this.

"With my big old booooooty!

>...But I kind of did.
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>Chitania
"Braeburn"
'Silverstar'
~~~~

>THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT!

"No no, that there's buffalo shit, Ah' can see why you'd mix those up... on that note, that's pretty gross. Just leavin' it in the street like that? Must'a been hammered off his seat!"

>How did I end up HERE!? Of all places!

"Ya' know, Ah' was actually gonna ask ya' that as well. They said ya' wandered in from the northwest... only there ain't nothing out northwest fer' a couple hundred miles, and ya' ain't exactly stocked fer' travel."

>You there! Simpleton!

"Namres Baeburn, actually, Wimpleton is over there. Ya' want me ta' go get him?"

>Where is your library? I have need of higher learning.

"Over in the corner. Though, it's mostly just farming and desert survival books. Nothin' really higher learnin'. Ah'd say ya' should go ta' Canterlot, but they kinna got smashed. Prolly off the table."

>UGH! YOU ARE ALL SO...

"...Was wrong?... OH! Ah' see. Dang it! Doc told that idjit not ta' fly in his condition!"

'Couldn't help it. Heard bout some o' those bandits tryin' ta' loot some towns while the guards are weakened, and ya' know how he gets.'

"Oh! Hey Silver Star! This here gal's new in town, she's... uh... actually never got the name."

>And you never shall.

"...She's a bit testy. Kinda worried she got a bit o' Celestia's loopy kiss, ya' know?"

'Mmmhmmm... well, don't worry about that little fella, them Changelings are more durable than the average beetle. He'll be fine.'

"Ah know, just worry about the guy is all."

>...It was a Changeling?

"Oh yeah! Keeps makin' up new names. Speakin' of, iffin' he tries to say he's got a 'secret identity', just play along, please? It means a lot ta' him."

>...that fire... Carabidae?

"Wassat?"

>Nothing. Nothing at all. I grow tired of this place, goodbye.

"...She's wanderin' out inta' the badlands."

'She prolly knows what she's doin'.'

"Really?"

'No, but damn was she annoying.'

"...Ah' can't argue with ya', but Ah' feel like Ah' should."

'Yep.'
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"So...it has come to this," Pommel thought aloud as he desperately snapped his mouth around yet another patch of mist.

It had been days since he had departed from the island, adrift on the mighty sea -though WHICH mighty sea remained a mystery- trying to find his way home. His bout of salt water-based delusions had passed but hydration yet remained an issue; for hours on end he had begged Celestia's mom to send some rain his way, desperate enough to keep himself alive to not care about pneumonia.

Sadly he had to settle for the cloud of mist that rolled in, trying to strain the moisture in the air in through his teeth. When that yield no real results, he gave up the ghost and just started snapping at the air like some deranged maniac, trying to just swallow as much life giving water as he could. Finally, after what felt like hours, he collapsed in the center of his raft, his jaw feeling like it had been on the wrong side of a jackhammer.

"I...hate this..." He muttered, splayed out on the wood, "Stupid ocean...with its stupid salt..."

He noticed another fin break the surface.

"AND ITS STUPID SHARKS!"

He winced and massaged his aching throat, glaring at the predatory fish. Was this going to be it? Was he going to have escaped Chitania's stomach only to keel over on a dinky little raft? To be a meal to a bunch of ugly stupid fish that will rip him apart in a maddened frenzy?

A sudden splash yanked him out of his self-pity. Surprised, Pommel looked around, trying to find the source. His eyes zeroed in on one of the shark fins, which was hurriedly trying to swim away, until it was suddenly and abruptly yanked down into the depths.

The color drained from Pommel's face, he slowly crawled towards the edge of the boat, looking down. Below the ocean was a wall of depth and darkness, its infinite mysteries bluntly hidden from Pommel's eyes. Then a shape grazed his vision, a dark form that could fit his entire raft within itself.

His mouth dropped, his eyes widened. All that could come out of his mouth was a low terrified moan. He closed his eyes, but a few moments later they reopened with biggest mock up of bravery he could muster. He'd already reenacted Pinnochicolt once, he was not about to go through it again. Steeling himself, he gathered up what energy he could as he saw the shape begin to make a beeline for him, his horn began to glow.

He was going to go down fighting.

"Best in the-"

A giant hunk of metal sailed through the air barely a yard from his head, smashing into the darkened shape, prompting a ear piercing shriek and plume of red to blossom to the surface. The creature under the water thrashed about, sending waves crashing in all directions. Sadly for Pommel, he was directly in the way of one, and it sent him flying from his raft.

Beneath the waves he could barely tell which way was up as he tumbled end over end. Through squinted eyes he saw the shape was as dark beneath the water as it was above, but it was covered in pinpoints of light, dotting along a serpentine body up to an eye that shone like a milky white pearl in the sunlight. The metallic object stuck in its hide was a harpoon, the largest Pommel had ever seen.

Pommel paddled like a lunatic towards what he hoped was the surface, breaking it like a cannonball, hooves flying as he tried to find an escape. With a sudden impact, his hooves connected with something long and thick on the water. Panting, he clung to it for dear life as it slowly began to rise, revealing itself to be a great rope, going taut as it connected the beast to whatever had shot the harpoon.

Mustering what strength he could, Pommel began to shimmy up the rope, teeth gritted and eyes closed as the spray of salt water assaulted his face. He allowed himself to squint to see where he was going...

And found himself face to face with an octopus.

Pommel blinked, momentarily thinking himself insane until he realized he was looking at a carving, a carving of an octopus with its many legs wrapped around a treasure chest. He was peering at a figurehead, and where there was a figurehead, there had to be a ship of some kind. With a whoop at finally achieving some good fortune, he redoubled his efforts to climb up the rope.

SNAP!

With a sound not unlike a gunshot, the rope was pulled apart, freeing the beast and sending Pommel swinging into the side of the ship, colliding hard with a rib battering blow. The guard pony coughed loudly, biting his lip as he clung tightly to the rope, continuing his sluggish climb up towards the deck of the vessel he was pressed against. Slowly as he neared the top, he could make out voices.

"-you mean the rope broke!? You said this harpoon would do the job!"

Almost...

"I thought it would, cap'n, the measurements were all in order!"

Little closer...

"Then why did it break? Why is that damned THING still on the loose!"

"There must've been some kind of weight we weren't expecting, something that applied too...much...pressure..."

Pommel flopped onto the deck, his vision hazy, he regarded the two vaguely equine figures standing before him with haggard eyes.

"...world," He finished, and blacked out.
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>Robot Head
"Various Morlocks"
~~~~~

>How goes the rescue for the poor trapped ones?

"They lived through, shiny one. The cave only broke one arm, and we await your instructions on how they shall be cooked."

>...You there, hit him in the head.

*SMACK!*

"HISSS!"

"The shiny one commanded it."

>We are not going to eat him, we are going to bandage his wounds and he will heal.

"...But... but his leg cannot walk!"

>Yes, which is why you are going to make a splint.

"...But his leg can't walk!"

>It will again, in time.

"Madness, shiny one! His leg broken means he is open for the dread slithering ghost to steal his soul!"

>Error, no such entry found.

"The slithering ghost is invisible!"

"And he steals souls!"

>Negative, his soul cannot be taken out of a broken leg.

"What do you know!? You don't have legs!"

"He is trying to trick us!"

"Would Zhetri Tuulh really send someone to trick us?"

>Inquiry. Who told you of this specter?

"Long long ago, passed down from generation to generation!"

>But who, specifically, said it.

"...Someone who saw it?"

>But it's invisible.

"...Uh..."

>Going to make a splint now?

"...Yes. We will do that."

"Brothers! Before I get started, should we throw him in the vat while he's still alive and wiggling, or should we slit... his... um..."

>...How I wish for a neck so that I may start ramming my head against a flat surface.

"So, are we not eating him?"

>...

"...Not eating him, got it."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ 10
"Twilight"
{BBB}
~~~~~

>Princess Twilight! HIIII!

"Oh, hi 10. What brings you around here?"

>Oh, uh, you know, jus' wanna talk. Nothin' big, jus' one'a those days. How're you? You good? You look good. Really good. Hey, sorry ta' change the subject but this jus' popped inta' my head, you feel like fixin' somethin'? You look like yer' in a fixin' mood. Good time to tinker, this time right here.

"10, I... I'm not doing that anymore. I only cause destruction with every invention I make."

>...Wow, okay, that's unfortunate.

"Why, what does he need-HOLY MOTHER OF SCIENCE AND THE SPERM OF KNOWLEDGE THAT BIRTHED THEM!"

>Ahhh, he ain't that bad!

"THERE ARE ARROWS! TINY LITTLE ARROWS! EVERYWHERE!"

>Surprised ya' even noticed 'em.

"THAT ONES IN HIS EYE!

>Yeah, and WOW am I glad he don't feel pain. That looks like it hurt.

"HOW!?"

>Well, I guess they just never put pain-sensor stuff in there. I don't know fer' sure, haven't talk ta' them... OH! I should go talk to them! Thanks for the idea, Twi! I'll learn all kinds of stuff, and lot'sa ponies wanna know why they did what they did! Good idea!

"I... no, I mean, why is he full of arrows?"

>OOOOOOHHHH!... Pygmy Ponies.

"...What."

>Yeah, whole tribe of 'em. Lost ta' time. Went ta' the rainforests, found 'em, they tried ta' eat him, and I got a whole bunch'a great interviews! You should read my paper, it's all in there. Or, well, it will be tomorrow.

"Why did he..."

{BZZT! THEY WERE ATTEMPTING TO HARM 10, SO INTERVENTION WAS REQUIRED!}

>Awww, love you too big guy! Always lookin' out for me, that one. He's great, best camerapony a reporter could ever have!

"Well... I suppose it would be unsafe to leave him damaged, he might need to protect you again."

>That's the spirit! C'mon BBB!... try not to leak so much on her floor.

{ERROR! I CANNOT STEM THE FLOW!}

>Meh, I'll get a rag.

"...Of course, the one thing I DIDN'T invent turns out to be helpful."

>What'cha say?

"Nothing... nothing..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was raining. That didn't help add to the already sorrowful mood. Canterlot was in ruins. Fire blazed as ponies tried to fight it back, and the monstrous beast at least ten stories tall was crushing anyone who got in her way. Celestia, Cadence, Twilight, all were dead, no doubt they'd regenerate back to life, but by the time they did, Canterlot wouldn't be standing, much less anypony else.

Shining Armour struggled to move, he was galloping past fleeing ponies, trying to find a doctor. Not for him, but for the little changeling on his back. Chitania had sucked all the love out of 2, then brought her hooves down on the innocents chest. She wasn't breathing well, rasps the only sound audible from her mouth. It didn't matter how much love he poured into her, she didn't seem to get better. And he was so tired...

He stopped for just a moment, realising his daughter had ceased to move at all. He gingerly placed her down in his hooves, desperately trying to speak to her.

"Two?"

She barely registered him, craning her neck until their eyes met. Her voice was barely a whisper.

'Y-yah?'

"Hold on for me, alright? You'll be fine. We'll find a doctor."

'Everypony d-dies, S-shiny...'

"No, we'll save you!"

'Every... pony...'

She slowly closed her eyes, Shining choked out a cry and shook her, with no response. He put an ear to her chest and heard no heartbeat. He cried out. Wailing until he went numb, rocking his angel in his arms.

NON CANON
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Cadence"
'2'
~~~~~

>So then what happened?

'Okay, so THEN, teacher says we gotta make macaroni pictures but I don't like macaroni cause it gets hooked on the edges o' my holes and it's hard ta' get off so I asked fer' some glitter but she was outta glitter so I made glitter by getting a whole bunch'a shiny paper and cutting it up but I'm not s'posed to use scissors but I don't know why cause they can't cut me but she said to be safe and-'

"BREATH! Will you take ONE breath! That is honestly scaring me, I keep thinking you're just going to keel over at any second!"

'Sorry Caddy! It's just fun!'

>See? Told you so.

"..."

>Not a word.

'Oh! And I learned my pluses! One plus one is two, two plus three is five, five plus six is... um...'

>You've got it, come on.

'...Eleven?'

>Right on the money!

'YAAAY! I'mma be smarter than anyone someday!'

>Don't doubt it for a second. Whenever you get around to negatives maybe you can teach Chrysalis, she doesn't seem to realize you can run out of bits.

'Maybe Not-Mom can teach me-'

>"NO!"

'...'

"...We don't know what you were about to say, but no. Absolutely nothing she could ever teach you is worth coming from her."

>And now I'm having horrible flashes of her learning how to count from Chrysalis and oh dear godhoneygogethedoctorGRRRNNN!

'Shiny? You okay?'

"He's fine."

"...He's foamin' at the mouth."

"Totally fine."

>GRRRRRRGGGLLLLLL!
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