Nighthawks Belated Apology Update

A Belated Apology Update
Richard Cobbett
November 23, 2024

Okay, so… we should probably talk about a few things.

First – well, first, I want to reassure everyone that there aren't any big problems with the game itself to report. It’s in good shape, it’s not cancelled, etc. The other first however is a much needed general apology for the last few months and being – technical term – ‘distinctly crap’. As tempting as it is to hide behind a quip or creative metaphor, the plain truth is that I’ve been struggling with some personal issues that are, to be clear, absolutely nothing compared to the world’s many current problems, but have been something of a boat-anchor on my soul. I wasn't originally planning to write about any of this, but... well... (glances at calendar) Yeah. I think we can say that you deserve some explanations.

So, to begin - the reasons for said crapitude aren't particularly dramatic. It’s been a stressful few years, for both obvious reasons that we pretty much all share, and for personal ones that I won't go into, but for the last year and a half in particular I've been increasingly suffering from serious fatigue and anxiety related issues. That wasn't initially all that surprising, especially when exacerbated by things like house moving and general guilt over delays, and so both the doctors I spoke to and I largely put it down to good old fashioned burnout.

That made sense, especially factoring in other elements, like workload, constantly living in the shadow of an upcoming, big budget game with an IP that essentially owns the vampire genre in games, and some individual things like spending ages putting together and polishing up a Steam Next demo that ultimately had to be postponed due to some last minute technical issues. Either way, burnout is pretty standard with indie development, because generally you live your project more than simply working on it - even if you actively try to take a break to clear your head, you still wake up and go to bed with it preying on your mind. The recommended, healthy ways of dealing with it just aren't really on the table as a solo dev - the only way to get past it is to punch through and try and recover once the opportunity presents itself... which only really works when it actually does.

According to legend, sometimes that almost happens!

Over the last few months though, the fatigue/anxiety issues have massively ramped up, to the point where I've been feeling not just tired but perpetually jet-lagged, regularly sleeping 15-18 hours a day without feeling even slightly more refreshed, and even during supposed “wakefulness”, having roughly the same mental discipline and focus of a teenager trying to study a boring textbook at a nude beach. Needless to say, it became pretty obvious that whatever the reason for the increasingly problematic symptoms, it was more than just a case of regular, old-fashioned burnout. Getting any actual answers though... well, that's been the big quest since around May, without a whole lot of success beyond 'try taking more vitamins' style advice. This month however I was able to persuade the powers that be within the NHS to do some more in-depth testing, with the results finally pointing to a thyroid issue that ticks basically all of the diagnostic boxes and... more importantly... can actually be medicated.

That's where we are at the moment. Inevitably, it will take time to see if treatment helps, and, assuming it does, do the usual titration dances to get the dosage right. However, I'm feeling optimistic for the first time in ages, hopeful that a mix of medication and finally getting the beta out so that I don't feel constantly stressed and guilty about letting everyone down over that will allow for at least a bit of positive mental re-balancing. Certainly, I have my fingers tightly crossed, not least because my cat is seriously fed up of sharing 'his' bed and having his annoying minion disturbing his slumber with things like 'breathing'.

In short, that's the basic state of play. I hope it doesn't come across as some kind of 'alas, poor me' type thing - as said earlier, I am very aware that at a time when (insert honestly just about any news story here), “games writer be sleepy” is not exactly worthy of a medal in the Sympathy Olympics. I do however hope that it helps explain a few things, and helps fill in some of the gaps over the last few months especially. On a more pragmatic level, we've also brought in some additional firepower to help on the coding side, so that I can focus my attention on the game side of things specifically, with the focus right now being getting this thing into testers' hands, opening it up to other backers who want in, and then getting it ready for prime-time. I just really you find it worth the wait, and once again, I'm sorry that it's been way longer than any of us ever expected it to be...

Sigh. That’s everything I needed to cover for now, I think. I can’t end the month however without throwing in a link to the awesome Old Skies trailer that Dave released last week – his time travel adventure that I've played plenty of bits of, but am really looking forward to playing in its final, polished and voiced state. Check it out, and perhaps throw it a Steam wishlist or a hilarious quip about Jesse Faden over here. You'd definitely be the first!


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Okay. That was a tough update. I’ll try to make the next one more fun. Until then...