Thread 29: Stories 46-60

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>Actarius
"Jugglejack"
'Arana'
~~~~~

'HOLY TOLIDOES! You guys make silky food too!? I thought only Momma made silky food! But... where are the dissolving ponies? Or did you guys use manticores?'

>...

"Again, warned you."

>It's cotton candy.

'Yeeeah?... Oh, shoot, it's green. You're not supposed to eat it when it's green. Scideralla taught me that!'

>It's candy.

'...What's candy?'

>Just eat it.

'You sure? I don't want to get sick...'

>Trust me.

'...'

"...Is... is she okay?"

>Her eyes just-

'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!'

"LIKE A BANSHEE!"

'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'

>How do you make her stop!?

"I literally wasn't allowed in the same ROOM as her before! How could I know that!?"

'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'

>She's going to blow out the-

'THIS! IS! AMAZING!'

"Oh thank Chrysalis."

'I-IT'S LIKE SILKY FOOD, BUT NOT ALL BITTER AND METALY!'

>Right, it's cotton candy.

'YOU HAD THIS THE WHOLE TIME!? How long have you ponies been sitting on this information!?'

>...How was this stuff invented anyway?

"Are... are you asking me? Why do you keep asking me stuff?"

>Dunno, you seem pretty deep.

"You know how deep I am!"

>Just saying, you seem like you can fit a lot in that head of yours when you really try.

"H-hey, thanks."

'I WANT MORE!'

>I don't know, you're kind of-

'PLLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSE!?'

>Alright, alright! Ugh, hope the princess is paying me back for this, my salary cannot handle this.

"And you think mine can? I don't even have a celery."

>Salary.

"Is there a difference?"

>...Crud.

'EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!'
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>Chitania
"???"
'???'
~~~~

>Why is finding the food court so impossible? I just want kernels for-

"YOOOOUUUUU!"

Chitania froze, teeth clenching in shock. That... was definitely directed at her.

She might have to stomp somebody, inconspicuously.

It was harder than it sounded.

'Oh no, can we not do this? Please?'

"I AM TALKING TO YOU!"

Slowly, she turned her head over to the source.

...Oh for fucks sake.

'Octavia, please.'

"No! I am not going to let her slip by me again! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was when you beat me? I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"

>...You can't be serious.

"I am! I shall defeat you here, in front of all of these ponies!"

>Fine.

She reared back, snapping her hooves together.

>I'll beat you senseless if that's what you want.

"...I... I meant with music."

>I have no instrument, you have hooves and a body, one of us is capable of getting what they want.

"You can use Friedrick's violin, and I'll use my cello!"

>And then what? A violin is an octave below a cello, and is held differently. It requires two different methods of discipline!

"...Uh..."

>Are you seriously telling me you had no idea a VIOLIN was different than a fucking CELLO!?

"NO!... I was just really, really hoping you didn't know."

>Give me one good reason I should not punch you right now.

'Because we are leaving! That's right, we are heading out right this second, and you are going to go and have a whole lot of fun and ignore the crazy mare! Ahahah! Yes, we're leaving, have a nice... please don't kill us. Or at least not me.'

"Frederick!"

'Wow, not sorry. At all.'

"...We shall meet again, pony! And I shall reclaim my honor!"

>Punching now.

"CHEESE IT!"

'Oh, nice! Leave me behind!'

"Not sorry!"

>...That was a nice violin. I wonder if I should steal it later?.... Meh. I'll think on it. Now... to the popcorn- OH WHAT THE FUCK!?

How she got in front of the haunted house she had passed eight times, she would never know.

But it pissed her off.
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>Screwloose
“Tinsel”
‘???’
-Redheart-
~~~~~

There was one thing not many ponies would guess about Screwloose, and that was that she cared about her figure. Now, being confined to a straightjacket all day every day might deter weaker spirits but not her. Not Screwloose.

Sweat peppered her brow as she lay on her back, using her tail to do push-ups.

>Hey- 26- there’s something I think- 28- you need to know, Tinsel….

“That you’re fucking crazy?”

>You- 31- already knew that, silly.

“Then what?”

>Now don’t spaz out- 35- but y-you’ve been dead- 37- for a little over a year now.

“That isn’t news to me, ya psycho.”

>Really? Hm. Well, you sure- 40- as hell don’t act like it. I mean, damn, you stroll in and out of my room like you’re- 43- still on call or something.

“I am.”

She paused on the 45 mark to fall over sideways, figuring that was enough to keep her rear-end shapely and her tail strong.

>Mmmmmyeah… there’s that burn, riiiiight smack dab in the middle of my ass, so tingly.

“…”

>But more to the point, whatever do you mean, my dear Tinsel? On call for what?

The dearly departed nurse pushed up his glasses with a hoof, glasses that were cracked beyond repair as a result of falling down a flight of stairs at the apex of his heart attack.

“When I signed on to guard the wing that held the hospitals most volatile ‘patient’, I made a vow to you that I’d see you right in the head and free. Remember that?”

>Indeedy I do, and I also remember laughing quite loudly in your face, too.

“Shut your hole, you clown. Regardless, my vow still stands so until the day you walk out of this room for good, I’ll be here.”

>You’re just waiting for me to drop my guard so you can have your way with my supple body, aren’t you?

When Tinsel fixed her with a burning look of the utmost loathing, Screwloose exploded in laugher, her hindlegs kicking frantically.

>BAHAHAHA FAUST ABOVE THAT LOOK ON YOUR FACE!

“Celestia above there are days when I could to smother you with a pillow.”

>…unf.

“…”

>Pffffft, it’s almost worth not getting out just to fuck with you everyday, Tinsy.

“Tch, look, you’ve got company so just wake up already, will you?”

And she did, with a jolt that snapped her eyes wide.

The room was empty, barren. Just as cold reality intended it to be. Or so she thought.

When an odd yet welcome tickling sensation ran up her left thigh, she glanced down the ruffles of her straightjacket to see a rather odd fellow fiddling with a cloth, apparently trying to clean her.

>Just a liiiiittle bit higher, stranger, and I promise to eat all my vegetables today~.

She laughed when he jumped, nearly out of his skin. …Which consisted of a hard, shiny substance. Chitin perhaps? There was no mistaking that blaring glint of interest that resonated within her eyes.

‘Oooooh shit… you’re awake….’

>And you seemed to have stopped. That hoof of yours was going north, was it not? Continue. I won’t scream, I promise.

He snatched his hoof away like her skin was acid.

‘You- they s-said you’d be out for my entire shift… they stuck you with at least five needles! Not two, or three, but five!’

>Huh, is that why I’ve got this slight stinging sensation on the right side of my neck? Well, mystery solved.

‘…’

>Anywhozzles, who might you be? You don’t look like any of the other happy folk around here, and you sure aren’t Tinsel.

‘Tinsel…?’

>Before your time. Who are you?

‘Um… well, my name is AJ12. You probably won’t get what that stands f-’

>Applejack Twelve. Changeling… oh my, my, my… you’re the fellow that has notoriously bad luck at holding down a job, aren’t you?

‘How did you-?’

>I keep my ears to the wall, newbie. Anyway, why’re you here? Sick of slinging donuts, are we?

‘Well, no, I… this is only part-time. I’d tried once before but yeah, no go. Nurse Redheart recently gave me a ring to see if I was still interested, for your wing specifically….’

>Mmmm, that pause at the end sounds deliciously ominous. What did the good nurse say about me?

‘That I’m only to tend to you when you’re unconscious.’

>Aw, but that takes away from interaction time. Whyever for?

‘Because otherwise my life could be in danger.’

>Lies and fabrications, my dear 12. Just because I know how many bones there are in the average equine neck and just because I also know how to accurately break each one doesn’t mean I’m deadly.

‘…Of course. That clearly just means you know your anatomy.’

>See? You get me.

‘I’m also about to get the hell out of here before you figure out the number of bones in a Changeling neck.’

She watched him backstep it towards the door, the manic smile twisting her lips only growing wider.

>Quitting so soon? I haven’t even had a chance to put you underneath my scalpel yet. Platonically, of course.

‘Because being cut up is so friendly, right?’

>Wellllll others might just dig right into your guts without a second thought, but me? Oh no, no, no, for you I’d take my sweet time. I’ve yet to have the pleasure of seeing what color a Changeling bleeds-

*SLAM*

Her room door slammed shut and about the same time she started giggling was when the overhead intercom buzzed to life.

-Screwloose, damn it. How many times do I have to tell you not to tease the help?-

>Aw, don’t bust a synapse, needleass. He’ll be back.

-What makes you say that?-

>Because Tinsel said so.

-…Tinsel? But… Screws, he… he’s dead.-

>Yeah, well, tell him that.
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>32
"Reggie"
'Q'
-Thorax-
~Flim~
#Flam#

It is an idyllic day in the Equestria countryside, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and the large inconspicuous hole in the side of Canterlot's mountain completely free off criminals.

>"'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!'"

Nevermind. 32 The Escapee, Reggie, Q, and Thorax rocket out of the hole with the speed of a rocket, tumbling out and onto the grassland in a pile. This is very uncomfortable considering how jagged Q is.

>...blood everywhere...

"All is pain."

'Spikes covered in skewered small animals.'

"Hey, we won't go hungry!"

-*chitter*-

"Exacatacally, little buddy."

>Ungh...

32 The Escapee gets up, inspecting a large gash in his side.

>...well, that's mortal.

"Nah, you'll be fine, we'll just cut you in half and you'll be right as rain. Ain't that right, Thorax?"

-*chitter*!-

"Whaddya mean! It worked for aunt Helga! She went up to that nice farm upstate, mama told me so!"

-...-

>Gonna die, gonna die, gonna die...

'Oh you big baby, look, it's already healing.'

32 blinks and looks at his side again, his gaping wound considerably less gaping.

'This is your dream, you can't die. We could cut off your head and it'd still be cognizant.'

"And it'd do the funny 'Hey I'm over here, dummy!' thing with your body!"

>So...I'm immortal?

"Eh, kinda sorta, I'd get into it but I don't wanna stir up a hornet's nest."

>But I can't in point of fact die.

'No.'

>Well that's good.

'No.'

>Huh?

'Consider the following: Someone could cut off your head, your limbs, make a doily out of your spleen, a pair of fuzzy dice from your eyes-'

"The hell is it with people and putting out eyes lately?"

'-and you would be alive and conscious and feeling every agonized minute...would you like Squirrel on a spike? I hear it's quite tasty.'

>No thanks...and clean yourself up, you look terrifying.

'Rude.'

Q gets up, along with Reggie...they notice they're both wearing the other's hat. Their voices immediately change, Q's gruff and energetic, Reggie's prim and stoic.

"Yes, do be a dear and clean yourself up, Miz Q. We must look proper if we are to be seen walking the countryside!"

'Oh bite me, six-legs, I'm workin' on it!'

>...

-*chitter!*-

'Whaddya mean, change back? I never changed!'

"Really, dear cousin, whatever do you mean?"

>Okay, yeah. Pardon me.

One quick change later and we're back to our regularly scheduled personalities.

>And keep them on.

"Awww, I liked that hat."

-*chitter*-

"I am VERY confident in my masculinity, thank you!"

>So! We've have escaped my prison, established I am capable of being cut into pieces without dying, and plucked all the animals-turned food supply out of Q's spikes. Uhh...what are we actually doing?

"Uhhh..."

'None of us had thought this far ahead. Did we truly even have an objective?'

"The objective was get outta the cell, so I guess, WE WIN! ARC'S OVER EVERYBODY!"

Q smacks him over the head.

'Enough of your inane babbling, this does not end until he awakens! His brain refuses mere inactivity, so someone think of a plot!'

-*chitter*?-

>Not that kind of plot, you pervert!

Suddenly alarm klaxons blare from the walls of Canterlot castle, the mountain itself shakes.

>Aha! We've been discovered! We're on the run from our jailers! THAT'S what we're doing!

"Beggin' your pardon, boss, but I don't think it's just us they're after."

>How can you tell?

'That.'

As if on cue an explosion rocks one side of the castle, and a great shape jumps from the ensuing hole in the wall, landing on the side of the mountain and approaching quickly and wildly down the steep slope, but dodging rocks and debris with ease. In moments it is upon them, brakes screeching as it comes to a stop mere inches from them.

>...wow.

The machine 32 beholds before his eyes is a sight to behold, a miracle of mere mortal engineering.

"What IS it?"

~This, my cockroach compadre is none other than the reconstituted, recalibrated, rejunvinated Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 Mark 2!~

"Ooooh..."

>Wait I know that voice.

Two heads appear from the top of the great machine, grinning down at them.

#Afternoon fellow fugitives, going our way?#

32 The Escapee looks back up at the castle, where the sky is beginning to blacken with wings of pegasi and changelings being mobilized.

He grins.

>As a matter of fact...
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>Applejack
"Rarity"
~~~~
>Rarity, Ah don't know about this. This waterslide is pretty high up.

"Oh come now. It's just a little slide."

>Little? It's one of the tallest things around the park. Ah'm just saying Ah'd prefer it if it was closer to the ground.

"What's the matter, darling? Are you...chicken?"

>...How dare you call me a chicken. Ah have half a mind to-

"Too-much-talking. Slide-right-now!"
Rarity pushes AJ down the waterlide

>Rarityyyyyyyyyyyyy~~~!

Then Rarity jumps right in.
"Applejaaaaaaaaaaa~~~!"

>yyyyyyy! *SPLASH*....

"....aaaaack! *SPLASH*"

>....
she spits out some water.

"...*snickers*...ha hahahaha!"

>Hahahaha!
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>Poindexter
"Mane-Iac"
~~~~~

>So what do you do around the Empire anyway?

"AHAHHAHAHAH! MOSTLY I USE MY IMMENSE PROWESS OF EEEEEEEEVIL TO TRAIN THE GUARDS!"

>Really?

"AHAHA- yes. Well, I think so, Drainia calls it training, I mostly just hit ponies."

>Do you get paid?

"INDEEEEED!... I mean, yes! Luminous Shield is very nice about this. He's nice, I see why Obsidious Love is so enamored with him."

>Yeah, right... you like him?

"I just said I did, FOOL! AHAHHAHA!... Sorry."

>Do you like him like, er, Chrysalis does?

"Of course not! I have no desire to hold hooves or make vague, undefined gestures at him! That would just be silly. NOOOOO, he's just an ALLY I LOOK TO IN MY BATTLE AGAINST THE FORCES OF GO-, er, EEEEEEEVIIIILLLLLAHAHAHHAHA!"

>Oh thank Celestia, I can't compete with that guy.

"Ohhh, don't be like that! Why, with the right armament, I'm sure you could DEFEAT HIM IN A GLORIOUS BATTLEAHAHAHAHAHAHH!"

>I'll take your word for that.

"Great!... OH! LOOK! THE WATER SLIDE OF MEEEEEERIMENT!"

>Peppermint, actually... though what that means I don't- whoop! Up I go again!

"COME POINDEXTER! Come and join me on the slide of merriment!"

>Peppermint.

"WHATEVER!"
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>Spike
"55"
~~~~

>Oh, for fucks sake! Hold still, buddy! I've got you!

"What?"

*TISSSSS!*

>Are you okay!? Who the hell set you on-

"My fire! RUDE!"

>...Beg your pardon?

"Fuel is expensive, dragon! You don't just put a guy's fire out like that!"

>...Are... are you serious? You were on fire!

"Yeah!"

>...ON. FIRE.

"Right! But now I'm not!"

>...I just... what!?

"What what? Why you gotta be goin' around putting Changelings out like that!"

>...I, uh... I'm sorry?

"You should be! I didn't bring anymore fuel, I've got to go to the gift shop and get some more, now!"

>Just so we're double clear on this, you set yourself on fire. You were not, in fact, set on fire by someone else.

"I wish!"

>...Here's fifty bits, that ought to cover it, and I apologize.

"Hey, thanks! You're not so bad, mistakes happen all the time!"

>Glad you understand.

"This is awesome! I've never even seen this many bits before!... I wonder if I can go on one of the rides now... huuuuhhh..."

*Walks off*

>...Don't question it, Spike. Don't do it. That way lies madness. Stop questioning it. Nope. Noooope. Didn't happen. No sir... though I do kind of wonder if he would be interested in joining the gun- NO! BAD SPIKE! You know what happened last time you asked a crazy changeling to join! Learn your lesson, damn it!
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>Lucky Strikes
"Coco Pommel"
'Steam Gauge'
-Quicksilver Sash-
~Changelings~

---

>Damn, they have been shooting like there's no tomorrow

"I stopped refilling, they'll run out in about 5 minutes."

>Good, I think this war has seen too much bloodshed

"No one's died."

>I know, just being theatrical

'YEAH GET SOME!!'

-Sorry, I wasn't aware you were Amareican.-

'Getting too into it, heh.'

-Mhm- AH GOTCHA YA LIL' GREMLIN!-

'You were saying?'

-Oh shush...-

DAKAKAKAKAKA-BRRRR-WHHHHIIIIRRRRR.

'Th' hell, my gun's dry!'

-Awh, me too. Guess it's over?-

>It is indeed. Coco and I have been keeping your score, maggots!

'Who won!?'

-Tell!-

"Well..."

'SUSPENSE.'

-C'MMOOOON.-

>"Gauge."<

'Ye-ha! SUCK IT RED!! Tucker rules this day!'

-Wha?-

'Don't worry about it. BUT YES, I WON, IN YOUR FACE!'

-Why are-- Oh shit, the bet.-

'That's right! Butler for a day! I'm gonna enjoy my drinks being brought to me, my hooves gettin' massaged--'

-I feel annoyed yet I know I'd be boasting too in your position.-

~MEDIC!~

-Huh?-

~Oh sweet chitin of my ancestors, it's over!~

~HELP!~

~Mother... is that you? Should I, go, towards... the light?~

~STAY WITH ME MAN!! WE GOT CHOCOLATE ON THE WAY!~

~MEEDDICC!! BRING THAT CONFECTIONARY, STAT!~

'Drama queens.'

"Isn't their chitin basically like armour?"

>Guys! Theatrics!

-...I regret making the bet.-

'No backsies!'

-Darn.-

~WHHHHYYY? HE WAS SO YOUNG!!~

~I HAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!!~

~That was fun.~

~Oh definitely.~
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>Surfer Zebra
"Mermare"
'Surfer guy'
~~~~~

"Oh mi gooooosh! This place is amazing!"

>Told ya' pearl of me eye! Dis place be jumpin' like me brudder after hearin' her husband home early!

"Oh stooop! You're so silly shnookie!"

'Don't bother trying babocious, you can't stop his speaking any more than you could stop the gnarliest of waves. Just gotta hop on the board of life and enjoy the ride.'

>Das me brudder, man! Speakin' da' truth like the preacher never could.

"You know, honey bunches, you never told me. Are you guys actually related?"

>Dis boy right here be me brudder no matter what them papers say, cross me heart!

'We're connected by the love of waves, babe, not something wicked boring like blood.'

"Oh my goodness bunches of seasprites! They've got an industrial pool with a giant tube slide! Wheel me over!"

>For you oh gem of da' sea, I'd wheel ya' through a tempest so scary it would make my ancestors rise up ta' call me crazy!

"Love you too, bunchyboodle!"

'Dude, we were mondo fortunate this place is wheelbarrow accessible.'

>De gods demselves tink we need a bit o' the happy bits in our lives, and we're gonna deliver it to them me brudder!

'Righteous, man.'

"We have got to come back here after our honeymoon, loveykins!"

>Wit' de rockin' you be bringin' every night, we're gonna need two wheelbarrows ta' get around.

"Oh yoooou! Tee hee!"

'So did you two notice we've past, like, four or five mini versions of that dinosaur thing?'

>Iffin' we pass by da' real ting, I've got me thank you card all primed and ready!

'Fortune smiled on you, my man.'

>And I be smiling right back, de love of me life keeps that grin on me face, man!

"Ohhh, I love you too, smooopy!"

'I wonder where she is....'

Elsewhere, a certain disguised queen sneezed.

And then abruptly ran the other way.

She had no idea why.
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>29
"???"
'???'
~~~~

>This accursed line is as long as the neighle, and every bit as deep and murky!

"That's not very nice, I've heard good things about that place."

>YOU SHUT U-... 'Fritterfoot'?

"Oh, hey, 'Lord Kingslayer'."

'A WHAAAAAA!? Poindexter! You did not tell me YOOOOOOU possesed an alter ego as well!? So great is your secret identity that I've never even HEEEEEARD of such a name, and I know every do goody two-shoes that ever has thawrted my plan of EEEEEVVVIIIILLL!'

>...Oh sweet chitin of my kin, no, not you.

'AHAHAHAHH! BUGSCETION! WE MEET AGAAAAAIIIIN!... And you got a new superhero name! Good for you! This one is far more impressive.'

>They're our characters when we engage in the world of fantasy.

'That's everyday for me.'

>I do not doubt it.

"How did you guys meet?"

>She power-bombed me.

"..."

>...

"...Alright then. Well, nice to see you again. Been playing any OnO in your downtime?"

>No.

"Ah. Figured."

>Just what is that supposed to mean!?

"You're kind of... intense when you play, I was pretty sure we were the only group that would put up with you."

>I have not played that silly game because I have far more important things to do!

"That's what they all say."

>Yeah, well... I could gather together those to play with me if I wanted!

"Name someone."

>...I, uh... Mary would battle with me!

"Does she know how?"

>...No...

"Well, that's a shame. I'd invite you back, but, well, you know."

>Not that I want back in that infernal place anyway! Nothing but poor players and poorer scenarios!

"Eeesh, no need to be a jerk."

'INDEED!... That's kind of jerkish.'

>I do not need your approval for my actions! None command me but mine own desires so fleeting and-

"Ah, crap. We'll have to wait for the next ride, only one of us would be able to get on."

'A SHAAAAME! This ride takes AN ENTEEEERNITY! AHAHAH!'

"Yeah. Oh well."

>...You can cut in front of me, if you want.

"Wow, really?"

>Of course! The alternative is to suffer the ride with one of you while you whinge about your lack of a partner. Too much for ears as sensitive as mine to take!

"Huh. Was going to thank you, but still a jerk."

'JERKSCION! That is your true name AHAHAH!'

>Just get on the blasted ride!

"Whatever, dude."

>...Indeed.

"Hey, aren't you waiting for the next one?"

>No, I think I've had enough, thank you.

'ENOUGH CHATTING, UPON THE RIDE TO THE STARS WE GOOOOOO!'

"Huh. It actually says 'only mostly to the st-AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh..."

'AHAHAHAHAHHAHahhahahaha.....'

>...Have fun.... WELL SOMEONE SHOULD! "Happiest party on earth" my hoof! I should sue this place for false advertising... No, I think I have a case... probably not... HUSH!... No, they do not hate me! Who could possibly hate one such as I? I am well spoken, brilliant in mind, and of course my presence is enough to class up any affair... Shut up... YOU TOO!... I'm NOT hated... I'm not...

*Sigh*

>I hate this place.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Poinxdexter
"SA"
~~~
Maneiac is hurling bottles through the air with Shining and dexter matching shots

Then Shining Armor misses his last target

>YEEES! I AM POINDEXTER, AND THIS IS MY FAVORITE SPOT IN EQUESTRIA!

"Nice work, Poindexter, we can all count on you for when the bottles begin their uprising- Actually that sounds pretty plausible."

>I think I'll have a bronze statue erected right here!
~~~

in case you're not sure what that was referring to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG6Oy82WWCQ
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Rarity"

>Okay, enough sliding on my ass for now, hurted enough since I got this darn job

"Well, if relaxing is even a viable thing in this uhh, floating pandemonium, why don't we get us something to drink?"

>Sure, there's one of those milkshake humdingers over there, and it DOESN'T have any hyper-additives in any of them, just a bunch of good ol' preservatives and artificial flavours

"Well in that case, we'll take two please-"

>WAITWAIT- am Ah readin' that right...?

"Reading wha-"

>There, on the sign! the Uber Super Duber Lib Smacker is less than the price of two Regular Joes put together, we'll take the big 'un, and it's twice the size too, more bang for your buck y'see

"Are you quite sure, those things are typically for couples...the whole sharing a sundae with two straws, gazing dreamingly across the table... you never had that did you?

>Well beggin' yer pardon there Rarity, but growing up onna farm meant you had to share things

"Well we're not on a farm anymore AJ, I'd only have such a gargantuan drink to either share with Spike or if I had myself a catatonic mental breakdown and I NEEDED a pick-me-up. Why are you staring at me like that?"

>What do you think I nearly go through every day of work? Don't think ah ever needed something that'd throw my cholesterol off the deep end? And I ALWAYS got more of the share back home, and ah'm proud of that. If you're not wanting, you ain't gettin'

"Dear, you got more because Big Mac is a socialist, and you think just a little too highly of yourself

>Moot point, we're having this milkshake together, or ah'm keeping it for myself

"Very well then, put you doubt my ability to gorge myself"

>Oh ah know pretty well about that

"Oh just you wait"

*SHLURRRRRRRRRR-*[HSSSSSSSHHHHHHH-]

>Can't....beat....a....farmgirl.....

"I can....binge....harder...than you ......ever could....

*-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP* [-SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHK]
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"HAH! I WON!"

>Wuh-but-you-huh?

"What is it, AJ? you thought just because you ate a lot meant you could eat fast?"

>How did you- I mean, since when could-

"Well it's all in the technique, you just need to refine it, I'm sure Spike will tell you how important being efficient is, no?"

>I don't, jus- jes' leave me be for a sec, I- I need to re-evaluate some past experiences an' such, gotta adjust mah WHOLE outlook on life

"Really?"

>Yeah, really Rares, havin' more than a stallions appetite meant quite a bit to me when ah was young, and still does. Ah'm gonna go to the burrito stand, iffin ya need me

"....Poor dear, I almost feel sorry"

"...Almost, hehe"
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[Sometime before the visit to partyland]
>29
-???-
"???"

>And so it came to pass that the big bear had leave all his friends, and go to live in a land far away.
>Where the nymphs and the breezies would look after him, until the day, that he died.
-That was great, what a happy story, isnt this the part where you blow out the light?-
>Yes my dears i think it is, it must be at least... 6 o'clock.
*Whooph*

*FLASH*FLASH*FLASH*FLASH*FLASH*FLASH*FLASH*
[Several minutes later]

"HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE! TRIXIE WAS ASLEEP BEHIND SEVERAL WALLS YET MINE EYES STILL FEEL THE BURNING WRATH OF HEAVENS LIGHT!
>Hey, you've been practicing.
"EVERYTHING IS PAIN!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Celestia'
[IR]
{CQ}
~~~~

>Kill... me...

"No way, seriously!?"

'They're being serious. I received no less than eighty noise complaints.'

"I thought you guys lived out in the desert?"

[We do.]

"HAH! Shiny, really, you didn't have us meet before now? WHY!? They're amazing!"

{To be honest, you're more impressive than we were led to believe.}

[We had heard tales that you were less than intelligent.]

{But you seem to have a good head for rocks.}

"Hey, thanks! Yeah, Necrophrous would not shut the fuck up about them. Every week with her. Guess some of it just sunk in."

[We also have to admit, your openness to the lifestyle of multiple wives is refreshing.]

{Most think it crazy.}

[We do not practice such, but we see it's benefits.]

{Unless used in a harem sense.}

[We disapprove of that.]

"Damn straight! Shiny getting it from a little bit of group swim, that's cool, but the minute we start talking about calling ME the sexual servant in the relationship, it is fucking ON!"

{Wise words. Such degeneracy is abhorrent.}

[I hope his other wives feel the same.]

>Just going to drown myself, that's what I'm going to do.

'Oh stop, you big baby!'

>...

'...I mean, yeah, this is bad, but it's not that bad!'

>...

'...Okay, so yeah, it is that bad, but it's not... uh... worse?'

{By the way, how studied are you in the act?}

"Oh, you don't even know! My mother taught me alllll kinds of things, and I had three drones specified just for teaching that... verbally! Don't you get that look on your face."

[Apologies, we are unaware of your culture.]

"Hah! It's cool. Want to compare notes? Sounds like you guys have a couple moves!"

{We do. I particularly love it when my husband-}

*SPLASH!*

'SHINY NO!'

{...}

[...]

"... What? If he can't get out of there by himself, he's shitty husband material, right? He'll be fine, or I could do better."

{...I like her.}

[Indeed.]

'BREATH SHINY BREATH!'
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