Thread 7: Stories 105-120

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>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~~

>You're doing fine, sweetie, just keep calm.

"Okay... okay! This isn't so hard! Who says a Princess can't drive a giant war machine!"

>Absolutely no one. Nobody has ever said that. Lots of ponies said YOU can't drive it when you nearly killed them crashing this through the side of our Castle, but "Princess" never came up.

"I'm doing better!"

>That you are! Now... we going to go faster than five miles an hour?

"I'm building speed."

>You've been building it for two hours now. It's built. The building is done and squatters are living in it now. Move faster.

"Okay! I'll just use this!"

*CLICK!*

>Wow. I am really glad I disabled the rockets.

*CLICK!*

>And the forward cannons.

*CLICKCLICKCLICK!*

>And the self destruct.

*CLICKWHHHHHHRRRR*

>...I seem to have missed the booster rockets, however.

"Is that bad?"

>You know what? We'll ask Twilight.

"Can we wait that long?"

>No, but the next eighteen seconds sure are going to feel that wa-

*FWOOOOOM!*
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>SA
"Cadence"
'Twilight'
~~~~

>Twilight.

"Nice to see you."

'Nice of you to drop in!'

>We felt like this was the right direction to go.

"More hoped than felt, really."

'And you all called me crazy when I wanted to install the giant net!'

"I take back everything I said about you."

>I never called you crazy for that. I knew one day it would save my life.

'Great! So... you guys gonna let go of each other and get out of the tank now?'

>You know what? Give us a minute.

"And a crowbar, if it's not too much trouble."

>...And maybe a hose.

"Sorry."
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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'???'
~~~~~~~~~

>CELESTIA! I HAVE COME TO OVERTHROW YOU AND REIGN AS QUEEN OF EQUESTRIA! AHHHAHAHAHAHHA!

"Oh thank goodness."

>...What?

Celestia walks up, and presses her temple against Chrysalis's horn.

"Make it quick."

>...Wasn't serious, just wanted to see your reaction.

"CURSE YOU!"

>This is making me uncomfortable.

"SHOOT YOU SISSY!"

>Nooot liking this at all.

"CELESTIA SEASON, FIRE!"

*BLAM!*

>...Applejack?

'Don't worry bout her, Dash jus' finally shipped off all the various forms and all that she needed ta' fix, and she needs a bit of a vacation after the mountain upon mountain of work we had to do. She'll be fine.'

>...

'Ya'll were sayin' somethin' about bein' Queen?'

>...Maybe later.

'Not a bad call.'
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>Twilight
"42"
~~~~~~~~~

>42, thanks for meeting me.

"Is this important? Being this far from the Empire makes me uneasy."

>Iiiits, a little important.

"...Is that!?"

>Oh good, you recognize this book. I was kind of worried.

"That is the ancient tome of the Changelings! It contains every single edict and law ever decreed upon our kind! Where did you find it!?"

>In a museum.

"..."

>...Daring Doo has a bit of a problem. But more to the point, YES! I couldn't decipher a single letter in this thing! Finally, I can know what it says!

"Er... actually..."

>...You can't read your own language.

"No. Only, well..."

>Only Chrysalis can.

"Correct. Well, ALLEGEDLY, there are others who were trained to read it besides, but they tended to quickly grow over-confident and ego-centric due to it's elite nature, and were more often then not killed after attempting a coup."

>So should we-

"No. We should absolutely not show this to her Majesty. For starters, she'll probably notice pretty quick the "No females" thing that she doesn't know about. Probably a lot of other stuff too. Best to leave this one in the past."

>Huh... It's a shame to have something like this and not be able to learn from it.

"We were nearly wiped out and the vast majority of us are currently living in a ballroom. I'd say lesson learned."
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>Chrysalis
"SA"
'Twilight'
~~~~~~

>KABOOOM! AND THE QUEEN IS... Oh come on!

"What now?"

>She's in my spot!

"My lap is not 'your spot'."

'Yeah! It's my spot!'

>Why!?

"You broke my second chair, and I need her help."

>So why doesn't she get the chair?

"My chair is comfy!"

'It really is. Have you felt it?'

"She sits in it all the time."

>I stand by that decision, it spins!

'It does!? SHINY SPIN ME!'

"If you insist."

'WHEEEEE!'

"WHEEEEE!"

>I wanna spin too!

'NO! MY SHINY SPINNY!'

>...FINE! I didn't even want to mess up your paperwork today! I'll just go eat all your cereal, how's about that!?

"No. Please. Not my cereal. Anything but that."

>HAH! I'mma do it anyway! AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME! MWAHAHAHAHA!

*After she leaves*

"FINALLY!"

'Do they ever stop interrupting us?'

"Nope, and it is annoying."

'Well, let's get back to work, we can spin after.'

"The hardest part of being royalty."

'Well, other than the other hardest part.'

"Right.

'...Is it just me, or do you hear Luna laughing?'

"That happens every time, I swear!"
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>DT
"AJ 56"
*Robot*
~~~~~~~

You ever have one of those days where you just wished you could just stare openly out the window at the passing ponies, or at least a certain part of them, and NOT have a giant robot head slammed onto your desk?

Applejack 56 was having one of those days.

>You friggen little bug monster!

"Wow, flatflank, you're making them come pre-destroyed! That cuts down on SO MUCH time!"

>Don't you play dumb you insipid little worm! Oh, I knew you were smarter than you looked! You thought you were soooo smart, sending this little number out to abduct the blankflanks, BUT I'M ONTO YOU!

"...Huh?"

>I'm actually insulted you thought this would work!... I mean, it did, but I'm pretty sure that's because Sweetie Belle was shaken as a foal or something. But your plan to take those three and use them for your nefarious bug-monster related schemes has failed! HAH!

"...Blankflank, I can't program the toaster, how am I supposed ta' build this thing? It looks really convincing!"

*BZZZT Hell-o SWEEMY BELLE and APPLE. It is I, INSERT NAME HERE, and I am here to TAKE YOU HOME FROM SCHOOL! You may stay, SCOOTER, nobody likes you.*

"So real!"

>...The honesty in your enthusiasm is disheartening, to be forward with you.

*BZZZT! ERROR! APPLE IS NOT BLACK! RUINED! EVERYTHING IS RUINED!*

"HAH! Just like Applejack always used to say."

>...You win this round, Bug Monster.

*INITIATING SELF DESTRUCT! Hey, APPLE, would you like a hug?*

"Yes I would!"

>You win this round.
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>Robot
"Celestia"
'Twilight'
~~~~~
>*BZZT!* AUN-[REDACTED!]-ESTIA, it is I your faith-ful student Twit-lite Diet! *BZZT*

>... *BZZT* Why do you look on me with such malice?

Celestia telekinetically grabs the robot Twilight and begins dragging it off

>*BZZT! WARNING: MISSION IS COMPROMISED! INITIATING SELF-DESTRUCT! ERROR: SELF-DESTRUCT SYSTEMS DAMAGED!

A door is opened and the machine is thrown in

"Twilight, I believe this is another creation of spike's attacker. He's all yours."

>Where is this unit?

'Gentlemen, hit it!'

Big band music fills the air and Twilight appears in a red spotlight

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLPkKZS6q9k
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>Drummer
"Pianist"
-Violinist-
----

>This wasn't exactly what i had in mind when she asked us who could play instruments.

"Hey at least she's paying us in get-out-of-experiment-free stamps."

>There are likely a multitude of things wrong with that, but i cant find it in me to care.

"Amen to that."

-Gurgle-

>Hey, we told you to get your cello fixed yesterday, this is entirely your own fault."

-Blub.-
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>Applejack
"Twilight"
'Celestia'
[Luna]
{Cadence}
-Chrysalis-
~~~~~
>Alrighty, callin' this meetin' inta order-

"Ohh! Ohhh!"

>Ugh... Alrigh', Twi, an' put yer hoof down, this ain' class.

"Okay, so I was just thinking earlier: I was Princess Celestia's personal student-"

'Ah, those were the days!'

-And you knew where you were then!-

~Gurls were gurls an' men were men!~

>righ' so besides showtunes, what'cha got 'bout this, Twi?

"Well, it's simple: I propose we all find ourselves apprentices! Like Celestia did with me!"

['Tis a fine idea, Twilight Sparkle.]

~Oh! This is perfect! I already have an apprentice!~

-Really?-

~Yeah, 42, doesn't anyone remember the tournament arc?~

-I was gone by that time, remember?-

'And I was busy telling Spike to aim for the balls'

~42's a girl.~

'It must be an easy mistake to make.'

>Well, Ah'd hate to break this up, but that's lyin'. An' Twiligh', it is a good idea, long as we got wisdom to impart an' things to teach. Chrysalis boasts 'bout 42 bein' her apprentice, but what all has she really taught 'er.

~... Umm... How to enjoy quality cinema?~

"Well, I can see your point."

[Wise observation, Applejack. We also recall Celestia chose Sunset Shimmer and later Twilight when our sister did witness a moment which revealed their great potential.]

'Y-yes... We most certainly were not looking for a gopher.'

Celestia's eyes become shifty

>Still, Twi, if you, 'r anyone here finds someone ya'll deem worthy as a personal pupil, Ah don' see any o' us stoppin' you. So, Ah guess unless there's any objections: motion approved! Not that there was much to approve anywho.

"YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!"

[Twilight Sparkle, do you even have a pony in mind to become your apprentice?]

"YES! YES! YE- oh... Okay, I should go look for someone."

Twilight leaves

[Perhaps we should begin our search as well!]

Luna leaves

'I do miss the fun and laziness of mentorship. And I know just who to get!'

Celestia leaves

>... Dismissed...
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>Celestia
"Chrysalis"
'Zecora'
-18-
[Cadence]
{42}
~~~~~~

>Excuse me, is this yours? I found it rooting in my pantry!

"DO WHAT YOU MUST! I HAVE ALREADY WON!"

>...What? Why are you all...

[A-auntie Celestia! We didn't... expect you here.]

-Right here.-

'In a moment such as this, while we are doing nothing amiss!'

>Oh sweet me you're all strip dancing...

[N-NO!]

'Surely not! Whyever would I shake my plot?'

-We totally were.-

[EIGHTEEN!]

>...Badly.

[WHAT!?]

'Against your words we take offense! Tis not our dancing that would make you wince!'

"Wait, that was supposed to be strip dancing? You all suck. Just... so much."

>Oh, like you're any better?

"Says the mare with the nuclear crotch. Pffft, step back sister and let me show you how it's done."

>Oh no, you seen to be mistaken. See, I still like making ponies happy, and since I can't do it the normal way, I got creative. You don't have anything on me.

"Sunbutt, I am literally a being who is empowered the better I do this, I'm fucking aces. You're shit moves can go sit in the corner, where they belong."

>...Zecora, get off the pole.

"...42, prop up the other pole."

{Can't one of you just magically drive it in or something?}

> "NOW!"

{Ugh.}

'Such a competition I did not expect! Which one do you think will be the one wrecked?'

-Fifty bits on Chrysalis, I've SEEN her dance, she's good.-

[A hundred on Celestia. I've seen her dance DRUNK, and she still blew my mind.]

-YOU'RE ON!-

[SHOW THEM WHAT YOU'VE GOT, CELESTIA!]

'Begin this dance and make your plots roll, 42! Ensure you do not move either pole!'

{I hate all of you.}

> "BEGIN!"
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>Celestia
"Chrysalis"
'Zecora'
-18-
[Cadence]
{42}
~???~
~~~~~~

>WOOO! How about that!?

"What are you so happy about? I clearly won!"

>What!? A dark brown hoof you did!

"Did so! Girls! Who won?"

-Chrysalis!-

[Celestia!]

'...Oh no, this cannot be! How could something so obvious be something we did not see!?'

>We don't have an impartial judge!

"Two of you have a reason to vote for Celestia, and two of you have a reason to vote for the real winner!"

-...So who wins the eight thousand bits we accumulated?-

>I... I suppose nobody does...

~Celestia won~

The room went silent. Slowly, they all turned into the forgotten corner of the room, where a very distinct pony was sitting low, wide eyed and short on breath.

[OH MY GOSH! HONEY!?]

-Were you there the whole time!?-

'While we all stood and stared in the opposite direction, your husband has slipped in and avoided detection!'

{And thus, my humiliation is complete.}

"That's not fair! He totally has a reason to pick you over me!"

>Majority rules.

"EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

~Y-you had the lead for the first half, Chrysalis. That tassel technique was top notch.~

"HAH!"

~But then Celestia did her lean move-amazing hind leg strength by the way- and evened it out. You were both neck and neck until the finale, but then you messed up the backflip.~

>Told you!

~Sorry, a messed up backflip is a huge turn-off, accidental pain like that is not funny. If you hadn't messed that up, then your finisher would have put you ahead.~

"...Damn your well thought out and sound reasoning! YOU WIN THIS ROUND, CELESTIA!"

>Always do, Crissy, always do.

[I can't believe you watched all that!]

-You were the one throwing bits on the stage to make it rain.-

[I was caught up in the moment!]

"Fine, you win this time, but I'll have you yet, Celestia! Next time, I pull out the GOOD stuff."

>Maybe I'll give a fuck by then.

Chrysalis stomps off, too angry to comment back.

>But if there is a next time...

She walks right up to the still sitting Shining Armor, and pats him on the head.

>We have our judge, don't we?

She leans down and whispers something to him, something that makes his eyes go even impossibly larger, and trots off.

-...Well, this is awkward.-

[Yeah, your husband walking in on you watching a strip show is kind of something you just pretend never happened. I'll see you at dinner, honey!]

-And I am going to compare notes, and beat them both!-

'Such an entertaining night I had this visit, for such a time like this I normally need a ticket! But the best things in life are free, and judging by your face I believe you agree.'

-You coming, Shiny?-

~...I'll catch up.~

Shrugging, they leave as well.

~...So are you gonna leave, or...~

{...They magically made me hold the poles, I can't let go till one of them come back in and take off the spell.}

~...Bummer.~

{It really is... it really is.}
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>Spike
"Redheart"
~~~~~
"Mister-... Uhh..."

>I don't really have a last name, but I've accepted Sol Invictus from Celestia, Wikey from Rarity, Sparkle from Twilight, Dracula from Twilight, Apple from Applebloom, it's a long list and you can take your pick.

"How about Mr. Dragon, then?"

>That's just dumb.

"... Well, anyway though, Spike, despite some of your best efforts to the contrary, you're ready for release from the hospital."

>Praise the sun! I was going crazy.

"And what was drawing 'all rest and no work make Spike a lazy boy' all over the walls of your room?"

>Catharsis.

"Anyway though, just sign here and let me read your doctors orders and medication prescriptions."

>Alright.

"Ahem, the Patient Spike is not to perform any strenuous activity for the remaining year on his release from the hospital. He will report back weekly for checkups, he is to remain in bed as much as possible, a nurse aid will be provided to bathe him and change his bedpan-"

>Whoa whoa whoa! This is ridiculous. Doctor Feel Good recommends all that?

"Actually, your primaries were changed during your stay"

>Let me see that! Who could honestly change MY doctor without my knowledge or even consent...

'This order has been given, authorized, and signed by the Royal Surgeon General Dr. Princess Twilight Sparkle M.D. (Yes, Spike, I am a qualified medical doctor! I read a lot of books on the subject!)'

>This has to be a joke! Didn't she lose her medical license after that one pony woke up with his skeleton missing?

"Look, I'm not losing my license, okay? I'll leave the rest of this stuff with you and bring you the wheelchair."

Spike continues to read through

'P.S. I know you're a growing dragon and your relationship with Applejack is progressing, so I have provided a manual of non-injury-aggravating sexual positions with diagrams and erogenous zones'

>DAMMIT, TWILIGHT!
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>AJ 29
"Cadence"
~~~~~

>Helloooo, my sweet! It's been far too long!

"...Oh no."

>And just what brings you allll the way down to ponyville!

"You're not in Canterlot."

>No, I'm afraid I have relocated to this... less than savory town, but that just means you and I are far, faaar away from anyone who would be able to tell your husband of a little... massage, shall we say? I never did get Shining Armor's... measurements.

"..."

>No security either? How did you manage to get all the way down here?

"I drove."

>Oh ho ho! Drove a train all by yourself? How exciting! Do you want to show me the interior?

"Oh no, not a train."

A little keychain floats up.

*Dook-Dook!*

"I took the tank."

*WHRRRR-THUM! WHRRRR-THUM!*

>...

~Weapons systems, ARMED~

>...So did you know I got a job working for the mayor?

"You don't say."

>Little tiring, but I'm earning a steady paycheck.

"I'm happy for you."

>...Well, I should be off! Nice to see you again, Princess!

"It's not mutual."

>...Are you sure you don't have a fantasy-

~TARGET LOCKED!~

>NEVERMINDBYE!

"...I love this thing!"

~FIRING!~

"Wait, wha-OH NO!"
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>Chrysalis
"Various Changelings"
~~~~~~

>Alright, what did you want to show me?

"Queen, thank you for coming. We're all here, because we feel that 55 has a problem, and we could use all the support we can get."

>...Is it that he's on fire?

"No, the problem is that... he's addicted to fire!"

"SHUT UP! I am not!"

"55, you've been on fire six times just today! You're taking gasoline with frightening regularity! You can't sustain that, man! The prices are too high!"

"Shut up! I can quit when I want, I just don't want to!"

"You're on a slow downward slide, buddy, and we're worried about you!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Why!? So you can go light up again? Will more smoke make you feel better? WILL IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!?"

"...Seriously, we're asking. That's fire."

"How much longer do you think you're going to last?"

"Bigger question, how did you last this long? It's fire."

"....OH GOOOOOD! YOU'RE RIGHT! I'M TOTALLY ADDICTED TO FIRE! What's happened to meeeeeheheheeeee~!?"

"It's okay man, it's okay! We're right here for you!"

"But not too close, because fire."

"T-thanks guys! You're the best! I'm gonna turn my life around! No more quicky matches! No more huffing kerosene! I'm even going to start remembering your names, I promise!"

The room breaks out into applause.

"We knew you could do it, buddy. We're proud of you."

>...Is there a gas leak in here or something?

"GAS LEAK!? WHERE!?"

"Goddamn it, Queen! HE WAS ONLY ON THE WAGON FOR THIRTY SECONDS!"

"This is gonna be a loooong detox."

"You'd think, but fire. He is probably going to be dead next week."

>Can't you just put them out?

"What?"

>The fires.

"WHERE!?"

"DAMN IT CHRYSALIS!"

>...I blame Celestia.
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>Spike
"Twilight"
'Applejack'
~~~~~
"Did you take your medication, spike?

>Yes, Twilight.

"All of it?"

>Yes, Twilight...

"How long ago?"

>Fifteen minutes ago! You were right there! You crammed the pills into my mouth! Now can I please just get back to work-

"Not a chance, mister! You're still on recovery!"

'Twi, Ah know yer worried 'bout, Spike, but this ain' the way to help'em git better!'

"I know! I- I'm just... I wasn't there."

>And what difference would being there have made?

"I don't know but-! I wasn't there to help you with Rarity, I never tried to help you through your feelings with her, I wasn't there when Celestia made you kill people for fun, I wasn't there for you when you almost died, I wasn't even able to see you in the hospital... I... I've never been there for when you needed me, Spike..."

>... Applejack, mind releasing me and giving us a moment?

'Sure thing, loverboy.'

Once spike is freed, he walks up to the distraught Twilight and hugs her

"I'm sorry, Spike, I was supposed to look out for you."

He strokes her mane to soothe her

>You always have. You might not always be there physically, but I'll always carry you in my heart, Twilight.

"But you ended up looking out for me so many times."

Spike smiles

>That's what makes us more than just a child and guardian, it's what makes us family, Twilight. All that's good in me began with you.

Twilight sniffs and then tackle hugs Spike, crying even more

"Th-Thank You-oooou!"

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